Date:	2004-05-29 19:18
Subject:	what
Security:	Public
Mood:	satisfied
Music:	action park shellac

went to bris last night to see arbuckle play the jubilee hotel. was great. others bands were cool. stand out - kicks. girl and guy swapping between guitar and drums - raw rock emotion - she was like a young joan jett/polly harvey. hung out with timmy guy - what a guy. got drunk and drove lukes car back home - safely. looking forward to a light jam with jug jug tomorrow and a jam of words with the sherwynator. pro active is good for the soul. been snorkeling a lot of late and today was epic. best visibility and swarms of bait fish - got wild. so much life out there today. a pair of dolphins. yesterday shot an octopus ( calamari gold damper ) got him in to the beach which was no mean feat - he hung on to every rock with his seven free legs and required brute strength to pry him each time. by the time i had him on the sand i was absolutely spent. my spear had penetrated him through one leg - upper thigh region. no blood and still very determined to live on. he fucking earned it i thought - so overcome by my hippie side i swam him back out where he thanked me we kissed and parted in a swirling hot southern current. i then experienced servere sledging from my spearing peers jj aka rupert and stu aka raoul doubting my sexuality and intelligence. no one said it was gunna be easy.
sea dog out ...kshhk.

Date:	2004-05-20 20:19
Subject:	it's been some time
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	girl playing original piece on spanish acoustic - nice

grandaddy at the arena was really ok. the experiance was album like sonicly and the crowd vibe was enough to make it ok. i would have been more impressed if they made do with the members present to produce a realistic performance - one not based on relying on wowing the punters with a backing track and mimeing it so well that brittany would have been proud.
oh well, it was ok afterall. still better than anything i've produced musically. not a difficult feat since i so stongly find ways to belittle myself like this when i see something that's ok and realise my own frustrations with not maintaining a constant progressive creative reality. it's increasingly hard when those whom i associate as the key musical peers keep leaving for overseas destinations. i feel plauged by misfortune and presently can't see a time when it's finally going to come together - deep down i know it will have to. i just get frustrated sitting at the bus stop. i guess it is the problem being a dreamer in the reality of this existance. blah blah listen to this confused pathetic procrastinating fool sob on the fact he can't commit to anything long enough to reap the rewards. time will tell on all fronts i guess. meantime looking foward to sonic youth and the rumour of a papa m tour. if i get the chance i'm gunna stalk those fucks and plead my insane case to them - if there is a band in the world i should be in it is theirs - they'll have to understand....in my mind or they will all be left on the bottom of the mermaid canal hugging concrete blocks.
reading over this even to myself i appear insane, good i am embracing it right now. it's on fire. it's got to amount to something. i have to at least refrain from topping myself till their is enough noteriety to make others profit from my timely death. maybe that is a benchmark to aim for - the most tragic australian rock suicide. kidding.
someone else just read this over my shoulder and says i am my harshest critic - fair call - who isn't going to analyse their life and question their motives and worth at regular intervals ( apart from george bush ) - isn't that what gets us up in the morning, drives us to better ourselves, write paragraphs of pointless self help garbage on the worlds largest diary that no other fuck will probably ever read?
hey joel miss you - maybe that's all this about. i'm gay but in denial. maybe. but maybe not - it just would be better with you around.
jugs if you read this make me a friend on your journal so i can do the same. friends are good.
ok

can't wait for easter holidays - camping and 4 wheel driving in the new truck. i miss joel. i'm excited about sherwyn at the moment, everytime i see him he's coming more out his shell. his screenplay is going to prove quite a feat. i'm excited for everyone at the minute. and that's enough for me. i hope joel is having safe sex...this year is the quickest yet and that sucks. oh well what am i going to do about it. get stoned i expect. blah

Date:	2003-12-20 19:06
Subject:	winding down
Security:	Public
Mood:	high
Music:	califone - quicksand and cradlesnakes

well, work is officially over for another year. i have two weeks holidays. it's nearly jesus' birthday. it's nearly santa's birthday too. the weather looks like staying fine enough for a nice camping trip into new south wales. i have a new tent - mansion, eight man, two room - and a shitload of tuna. how good is tuna.

calexico put on quite a show last week...not that i'll forget that memory for a while - but worth the mention.
i wrote another two tunes last/this week and finalised another previous two - they're ok, i guess one of them (c'est la vie) is a keeper anyways. this marks the beginning step toward solo record number one. i wonder if it'll get that far. still no word from matt on our new rival record. i hope he has a merry christmas and i hope he gets the present i sent him - you wouldn't believe the difficulties in mailing pneumonia.*

since writing and reading over all the krap i write it seems clear to me that i developed a knack for expanding on boring as shit real life stuff and coming out sounding half interesting.
i guess its better that way in a journal. looking back in years to come it will appear that my time wasn't totally wasted..... now look at me! - typing this rubbish as i think it.
...i'm becoming a cheap imitation doogie howser.

*i did not actually mail pneumonia or at any stage consider buying matt a christmas present. jokes aside i really don't want to hex the guy into grave sickness, least of all pneumonia - i've had it and it sucks.

good night australia

Date:	2003-12-09 15:47
Subject:	yay for good!
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

calexico tonight @ the zoo
Bam pulled the pin on the element demo which is a shame, since now he won't get to see me rip
i love tuna so much that i can't believe it
surely it is wrong to love tuna this much
though it can't be all that bad for me
i am currently averaging 200 - 300g a day
yay for dolphins

Date:	2003-11-29 18:01
Subject:	things of note...
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined
Music:	washing machine drones and distant neighbourhood mowing

thursday 27th of november

my 28th birthday - i feel 25 - i have since i was 24
work all day - without hazard
at night get much love from sharron, dvds, and treated to the best dinning experience of my life at benihana - prawns and fried rice men cooked before us then tossed into our mouths
i treat myself to purchasing the burroughs trilogy - cities of the red night, the place of dead roads and the western lands in hard cover from america
cities of the red night first edition mind you, very rare and in mint condition - worth all the $90 US...we'll see...i hope

friday 28th of november

work again - though excitedly carried though the day very quickly thinking of my evening planned listening to jello biafra tell it straight - the way i mostly perceive things, much to my own demise - ignorance is bliss... there's no doubt
so immediately after work i race around the coast, from one end to the other searching for a mini disk and mic to capture what is likely to be an intense and informative night - definitely worthy of the purchase and an instrumental aid for the necessary comprehension over a few listens
at eight o'clock he utters his first words without being seen
'REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS...STAY IN YOUR HOMES...BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY...THOSE WHO ARE FOUND OUTSIDE PAST CURFEW WILL BE SHOT...THOSE WHO ARE INVOLVED IN QUESTIONABLE ACTIVITIES WILL BE SHOT...YOU ARE WITH US OR YOU ARE A TERRORIST...TERRORISTS WILL BE INTEROGATED...TERRORISTS FAMILIES WILL BE INTEROGATED...THEY WILL THEN ALL BE SHOT...'
unfortunately i missed the opening on my md
but i was quick to respond and he was obviously not going to disappoint - beginning with the re-enactment of american soldier threats as they drove the streets of iraq 'alleviating threat' and 'securing peace'
it was more fuel for my fire, informative without being extremist - he never came off as a left radical and instead of feeling depressed about the big picture i felt like the pieces had all fallen into place...almost hope
being on my own only magnified the experience
got home by about 2am tired and spent

saturday 29th of november

wake up to coconut and mango lassi and an egg on toast
listened to jello to check out the quality of the recording - having not had time to test it before hand
it turns out better than expected
start to organise our trip to the art museum in brisbane
go to my car to retrieve the refedex
find my window smashed
shock
glass all through the back seats
the doors all unlocked
more shock
my stereo replaced with a bundle of snipped wires
numb
cds scattered thoughout the car - luckily the culprits had no taste in music
anger set in for a few minutes
i imagined catching them in the act and dragging them across the road up and down the street slowly grazing off the skin on their limbs then beating them to a pulp inside our fence and dumping them in the tallebudgera river to sink or swim - i couldn't care
i'm still looking for good
i guess it's apt in some weird way having been strenghtened the night before morally - shown that holding firm ideals may be the sure not to excel in material gain but rather lead a true and intelligent existence
these things happen
usually around schoolies week
i will not be replacing the stereo with anything
i'll have to fix the glass

suckx

fugazi

there is a new wave of creative something
i can feel it coming
it's weird
i don't think i can explain it
if i was into astrology or something it would all make sense
maybe i'm just growing up
maybe i'm loosing my mind
it feels good anyway
i'm excited
and i haven't been for ages

Date:	2003-09-30 18:20
Subject:	i want a bike
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	simpsons - get those animals out of the arcy arcy!

i've been looking at motorbikes for some time now
triumph bonnieville, america and the speedster - all rad models
but i don't want to die
on a bike anyway
that would suck and hurt a bit

Date:	2003-09-26 20:00
Subject:	power of the pussy
Security:	Public
Mood:	full
Music:	catpower

well
i went and saw catpower in byron on tuesday night at the community center
she played alone the whole show barr one song

i fell in love with her

she opened with 'wolf among wolves'- will oldham
hooked me instantly - it just got sweeter and anxious in a simple honest way

followed up with her(plus the band this time)in brisbane the next night
of course it was less personal - twenty times as many people

the only real downside of both events was the fact that some hippies attached themselves to chan and came up with her to play support each night
they weren't very good the first night and the extra people on the brisbane show only encouraged them
i don't like to dis other band or musicians generally so i'll just leave it at that
joel got smashed drunk
i still haven't heard from him - i hope he's ok

overall comment on life - life feels good right now

ende

Date:	2003-09-11 17:46
Subject:	hieee!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	drunk
Music:	i am drunk - i don't need it

i am looking for a new car
it's kind of exciting
mostly it sucks
due to web sites not taking away listings that have been sold
a mini clubman van would be cute
today i found a valiant safari wagon that rules
i'm too much of a compulsive buyer
god i know i'm going to get myself into trouble

Date:	2003-09-08 19:26
Subject:	everything sucks ass really bad
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	the sounds of australian idol wanna be's pissing me off

please someone save me and poison my food
you can't keep all the people happy all the time
says, doogie howser md
i can't believe australian idol is a show
i can't believe i'm hearing it
it sucks really bad
i wish i was dead
the end

Date:	2003-09-06 22:25
Subject:	down with scalpels, and up with shovels
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	jaws 2 on cable

i may be a doctor now, but i'll always be a master of the ditch.
it's not about digging a hole
it's simply sculpting the medium - withdrawing the substance of matter and leaving behind an artistically envisioned space where the earth is no more
it's not a dirty hole
oh no no
when i prepare for such a task it involves a quiet moment of reflection - for the emptiness that i create is itself a meditative space free from form and the clumsiness of our mundane environment.
there is so much going on with this, a labored chore for the brute man hiding behind his intellectual shortcomings, extending a solid chest
and yet
the splitting of the smallest visible microcosms - invading what is, and tearing its heart out
and low frequency vibrations swirl within the space - igniting a new elevation - inspiring a new depth of life - engaging darkness
and twisting light
and this is just a fraction of the process
it dosen't even count on such a variable resistance as if the hole would have to be refilled
no more patients for the rest of the year please
i must create consciousness

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... (Or WOULD be, if you hadn't lied....)
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	100%	64.9%
Shamelessness	100%	79.3%
Sex Drive	100%	77.6%
Straightness	100%	45%
Gayness	100%	83.1%
Fucking Sick	100%	89.8%
You are 100% pure Average Score: 72.5%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Date:	2003-09-05 18:45
Subject:	worthy
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry
Music:	HOOD homeiswhereithurts

do this and send it and copy it please
http://www.maketradefair.com/go/join/?s=315038n

Date:	2003-09-05 18:06
Subject:	alcohol regrets nothing
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	wesley willis - outburst

played at the shark bar last night
the first band - third quarter - reminded me of something you could have seen in the same place fifteen years ago
i wouldn't buy their record but joel and i talked about getting them to play a show with us in brisbane
what an edge
i got too drunk waiting to play and today suffered the cruel reminders of my drunk nervous self via awkward flashbacks
i did have great fun and considering all things;

1.first gig together since saul leaving
2.new songs
3.playing guitar and 101 instead of bass
4.being really drunk

the fact i managed to play a song through to the 'third quarter' with my tuner still on - allowing no sound to come out of my amp - the moment was kind on me
intoxication of friends played an allied hand also
the song i most feared before the show turned out to be the one i most enjoyed
'hope you get there soon'
a good spirited pop prince shunned to the outhouse for its risque deliverance in the day of saul - recently rediscovered and highlighted in its simplicity
my full body gyrating demanded the tambourine to my hips that wouldn't quit
at that moment there was nothing else - no one else in the room
today my leg is sore
bruised even
god i think i even made reference to 'something in my bum bum'
again - a forgivable offense in the eyes of god
especially since i lately bear resemblance to His good son
i am looking forward to the goldie show
i am not looking foward to its demise
rock over london
rock on chicago
wesley willis rest in piece
outburst outburst outburst outburst
outburst

Date:	2003-08-29 10:23
Subject:	picking sleep from my eyes
Security:	Public
Mood:	recumbent
Music:	HOOD homeiswhereithurts

this week
seeing my feet differently
fat toes and joints
tired and veiny
realising my lost youth
i'm getting old
i guess i'm a man now
not a boy
i forget though
of my age

hungry
i'm thinking bacon and eggs
w/ thick toast
will get the job well done

again - like every night this week
last night i had a dream
the same
i buy a pack of cigarettes
i smoke one from the pack
i hate myself for giving in to a (usually) drunk craving
i hate myself for just being weak
i just hate myself
then i wake up feeling as shit as i do right now
even though i haven't had one
i guess my brain misses them too

bacon and eggs
w/ joel
naked

Date:	2003-08-26 16:54
Subject:	no one knows better than mc cain
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic
Music:	i wish it was 'no one knows better than mc cain'

no one knows better than mc cain

Date:	2003-08-26 16:15
Subject:	maths and english
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited
Music:	slowriotfornewzerokanadagodspeedyoublackemperor!

i can't wait for saul to come home
then i'll know what the hell i'm going to do with my life
the next year anyway

i have ideas
alarm clocks
lots of them
busted capacitors
buzzing kranky as
EM test kits wired in series with digital wah pedals
a womaler on a mike
womalering away
other broken electronic devices
worthless to everyone
except me
i will need them for my new ideas
transducers to amplify their little cries
their humming and crackling
good

however it is dangerous
that won't matter
no

sharron is in sydney
sucks
for her too
more for her
feel like smoking
not going to
feel like drinking
anything
maybe wine if joel's interested
maybe jager
maybe not - maybe beer
maybe shutup