|
Tuesday, February 20th, 2001
|
8:19 am - Goodbye Weekend
It is over, And it makes me even more aware that I can not wait to live alone. Friday Kim came up and we got a little high, and drank some beers. About 9:30 Brian came over. We hung out and talked. My devious "deed" didn't turn out to happen, but he did call. Got my number through the phone book, but it wasn't a good time for him to visit. Setzer was in Ohio, I need to call him tonight and see how he is. I saw Gabriel out at the Tavern Saturday night, and he didn't even speak to me. Kim thinks he is ugly. She said Brian is all that and then some, I guess it was the accent, and the fact that he is ignoring me that are driving me mad. I looked at him too, and he really isn't all that. I am determined to go up to him and ask him "So are we supposed to be arch enemies?" That is how I feel, and damn I don't know what I have done. Maybe I am just too much woman for him to handle. That is what I am going to choose to believe. Yesterday Kim and I drove around and looked for places to rent on dead end roads, and little side streets. I found 3 cute little places. Only 2 had numbers to call. I also washed my car yesterday and did all of my laundry. Now my son and I have clean clothing yeah. I feel so much better after I have a productive day. Time to write some code, because of course I am in C++ class. :-)
current mood: mischievous (comment on this)
|
Thursday, February 15th, 2001
|
8:50 pm
I feel clear, and fresh. I want to be a new me, but yet somehow the old me keeps crawling to the surface. that warped and confused person that usually I can hide. I am planning something devious, and I don't know how the new me will handle this when she finds out.
Tomorrow, hmmm. Oh I want to know where all the people who inspire me and teach me have run off to. I feel all alone in this little world of mine, with no one to share my fucked up thoughts.
current mood: aggravated (1 comment | comment on this)
|
8:47 pm
I dance Naked in the pale moonlight,
the voices and whispers of past souls
cry out to me.
I hear them echoing.
ringing in my head, their words soothe me,
they comfort me.
forgotten time.... forgotten place.... forgotten memories.
only the stars to watch me spin myself around and around,
and to become dizzy with only now.
current mood: creative current music: PJ Harvey (comment on this)
|
8:44 am - AHHH
Well, let's see Both Brian's called me last night and wished me Happy Valentine's Day. Setzer is going out of town this weekend, so I guess I will not be having him over. He was all disapointed, he said my parents always pick the wrong weekends to go out of town. I don't know what else I am going to do, I think I will go out for sure Saturday night. Brian C. wants to come over on Friday night when he gets off of work, and cook for me on Saturday. We will just have to see about that. I might pitch an all day drunk. JK!!?!
God, what is wrong with me. I am sooo glad I will have the house to myself. I'll figure something out about the night time. I might just leave every light on in the house. hehe. Gabriel and I still haven't spoken since Sunday, oh well.
current mood: excited (comment on this)
|
Wednesday, February 14th, 2001
|
11:14 am - Fingers crossed
My parents are going out of town for the whole weekend. And while I don't like being in that house at night by myself, I am looking so forward to it. I haven't heard from Brian S. since we went to Boone. Clint is seeing someone else now, and why I am sure that I don't want a relationship with him, it still hurts. Three years is along time to spend with someone. It does make it easier to get over him, and to get the closure I needed. This past weekend was pretty good, I spent most of it with Brian C. I think things are moving too fast there, if I am not over Clint what kind of good can I be rushing into a new relationship??? I tried to tell him that but he doesn't care, I can not promise him anything, and especially that he want get hurt. I am not exactly a complete person right now. It is nice to have someone to talk to, and someone that is interested in my life and how I am doing. That is the hardest part I think of Getting out of a long relationship, losing the companionship. Today is the first Valentine's Day I have been alone in 3 years, and I think I am a little sad today. SUMMER that is what I keep reminding myself, Everything changes in the summer. Oh and Gabriel, I think he failed to mention to me that he has a girlfriend. hehe. He ended up talking to me on Thursday after I posted, and I thought things were cleared up, He called my cell-phone Friday and mentioned doing something and then I never had another call. I talked to him Sunday and he had company, I asked if he had a girlfriend and he simply answered yes. Would of been a nice thing to know weeks ago. He is just immature. I am to old for games, and not that type of person. I guess I am too real for all that shit.
current mood: anxious (comment on this)
|
Thursday, February 8th, 2001
|
8:05 am - The teacher is NOT in
Here I sit in C++, Mr. McLean had to be in Charlotte this morning for a conference. So far it looks like only Gabriel and I showed up for class. How strange, we are the only two people in the classroom and neither of us has even spoken to the other. I just want to turn around and ask him why he is soooo fucking strange. That probably wouldn't go over very well. It is very tempting though. Well I was just approved for rental assistance. I don't feel bad about accepting, cause I need this help while I am in school. It will be nice for Dalton and I to have our own place, that is for sure. It would be impossible for me to pay full rent, go to school full-time, work, and still be there enough for my son. I am usually so tired in the evenings, but it will all be worth it when I have a career that my son and E can be proud of, and enough money to do the things we want. Oh, But I digress, as always. Anyway, Brian C. wants to come over Saturday night and watch a movie with Dalton and I. (My parents will be out.) I don't know how I feel about Dalton meeting someone that I am just casually seeing. I don't want to be one of those mothers who parades men in and out of her child's life. And I get the feeling that he would like to have a relationship with me, but I just don't think I am ready for anything serious. No, I know I am not ready. I just want NO STRINGS. Wow, I almost sound like a man.
current mood: confused (1 comment | comment on this)
|
Monday, February 5th, 2001
|
10:00 am - What a Weekend
Friday night Brian (#1) called, he asked if I wanted to go to Boone, since I hadn't heard from Gabriel and had no plans I decided to go. We had a pretty good time, Friends. That is what I need from him. Sat. I went to Kim's and had a good time. Last night I went to dinner and the movies with Brian (#2). Don't you always hate the way the end of a date becomes uncomfortable. The guy thinks he needs to walk you to the door, and get his "sugar". I let Brian C. kiss me on the check. and that was that, He did say he had a good time and would like to take me out again. I think that would be nice. He is really a nice guy, nice looking too. And on Friday night, I gave Brian S. a big hug. A friendship hug. :-) And tomorrow I get too see Gabriel in my C++ class, and I hope he just doesn't plan on talking to me, He is toooooo confusing. I think he personally is just confused also. Oh well Overall I had a great weekend. A really good Self-esteem booster to be exact.
current mood: amused (comment on this)
|
Thursday, February 1st, 2001
|
8:58 am - My life
Okay, well things are going okay I guess. I still like my job. They hired a guy in our department so we have to be careful what we say. Friday I went out with this guy in my C++ class. He is from Romania. I had a good time, but I don't know, maybe they do things different over there or something, He hasn't called me all week, but when I see him in class he acts like we have something going on. Today I just had to be rude, I am starting a new attitude, If you want to go out with me you are just going to have to try really hard. I have this new guy named Brian who is calling me, He is really nice. He wants to take me out this weekend. I should go. He loves kids, and he seems like a really nice person. And as things go with Gabriel he makes no sense to me at all. Oh, the other Brian called the other night and wanted to know if I wanted to go to Boone sometime soon with him. He is so full of shit I don't even want to start seeing him again. But GOD, is he ever beautiful. :-)
Teacher just got here.
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
Thursday, January 25th, 2001
|
9:43 am - C again
Back in class again. On my third cup of Java. We are having some problems with our MFC library. Oh well, so just sitting around for the time being. I don't know what was up with my keyboard, everything seems to be working fine at home, at least last night it was. well class is back up and running.
current mood: hyper (2 comments | comment on this)
|
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2001
|
9:49 am - In C again
Funny how it seems I have the most time to input during my C++ class. Nothing against my instructor, he really is good. Somehow I have managed to mess up my keyboard at home, it will no type. Hummm. I need to figure that out. I need to work on my internet class some this week. Well we are getting ready to compile and execute some code.
current mood: creative (comment on this)
|
Thursday, January 18th, 2001
|
8:22 am - I will be a more responsible journalite
In class, C++ programming, my teacher is helping a girl catch up that wasn't here on Tuesday. I really like my job. I work in the imaging department of Peoples Bank. The job flies by. We stay till we finish balancing all the deposits and so forth. Yesterday my boss told me I can come on in straight from class, so that will give me a few more hours. I was going in strictly at 1:00 every afternoon, now when class gets out at 10:20, I can get there right after, same on Friday's when I get out at 9:50, That should help out with the cash flow. Give me a chance to save up some money before I move out. Well, that all depends on if Mom's decides to be chill or not. She sure has a habit of going "PSYCHO" over simple things. Oh well.
I have realized that sometimes it takes breaking up with someone more than once before you really can get over them. Therefore, I think I can be happy and single now.
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
Wednesday, January 17th, 2001
|
9:59 am - I have got to spend just a weeee more time on this journal
Back home at my parents. Clint will never grow up or never truelly follow through on any of the promises he makes. After 3 years you think I would know this by now. Some of us are slower than others. Oh well. I have new goals and expectations of myself now. Mainly to improve my self image, self esteem, overall my self content. Wow, is it obvious I am taking an Intro to Communications class this semester. Oh and to brag a littl. I made the A, B honor-roll last semester. This one I am taking both JAVA programming and Visual C++. WOO-HOO.
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
Monday, December 18th, 2000
|
10:43 am - Been A long time.....
Let's see, I ended up talking to my ex-boyfriend again. I guess things are going okay. He ended up trying to fight Brain, it was all pretty stupid. I guess it is safe to say Brian and I aren't friends anymore. He-He. Oh well. My modem doesn't seem to want to work anymore, I can't ever get online anymore, unless I am at school. And that really pisses me off. Okay Jeremy, just what did you do to my modem??????????????? Today is the last day of the semester, so god knows when I will be able to get on the PC again.
(comment on this)
|
10:43 am - Been A long time.....
Let's see, I ended up talking to my ex-boyfriend again. I guess things are going okay. He ended up trying to fight Brain, it was all pretty stupid. I guess it is safe to say Brian and I aren't friends anymore. He-He. Oh well. My modem doesn't seem to want to work anymore, I can't ever get online anymore, unless I am at school. And that really pisses me off. Okay Jeremy, just what did you do to my modem??????????????? Today is the last day of the semester, so god knows when I will be able to get on the PC again.
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
Sunday, September 24th, 2000
|
12:38 pm
Well i had to have "the talk" with Brian. i guess it all just boils down to the fact my head is a little more screwed up than i thought. i told him i didn't think it was a good idea for us to see each other anymore. C'est la vie. i went and hung out with Van and Trav last nigiht. had a pretty good time i guess. hickory is just boring the piss out of me now
current mood: apathetic (comment on this)
|
Friday, September 22nd, 2000
|
10:09 am
i had a good time last night. kim and i took Reece to work picked up some beers and sat outside and let Dalton play and wear himself out. He went to bed at a decent time last night. Brian worked late so he didn't even get here till 8. He gave me half a sled to take and boyyyy was i relaxed. We played pool, listened to music and talked alot last night. That is probally the most he and I have been alone to be able to talk you know. I like hanging out with him. He is the most laid back person I have ever met. He reminds me of my Marky I think. He mentioned going and doing something tonite. 2 days in a row? hmmmm.
current mood: awake (comment on this)
|
Wednesday, September 20th, 2000
|
11:24 pm
My parents are going out of town tomorrow to take care of some things with my grandmother. She is having to be moved to a different nursing home. I hate being here alone at night. i guess i get spooked to easy. Brian said he would come by and keep me company. after that i guess i will have to brave the night alone. boo hoo. oh well. maybe i will just get drunk and pass out. haha
current mood: blah (comment on this)
|
Tuesday, September 19th, 2000
|
11:19 pm
Overall i had a good day. had a run in with my mom, but what else is new. she was a major bitch today, and even my dad was upset about some of things she said and did. My grandmother is in the hospital again and we don't know how she will be this time. Brian called me tonite around 8 or so, and we ended up talking till 11. We got high together and ended up babbling. But i got class early tomorrow, and work right after. so i will sign off for now. ta-ta
current mood: lethargic current music: The Crow soundtrack (comment on this)
|
Monday, September 18th, 2000
|
10:54 pm
I almost forgot, I went over to Susy's house tonite, Kim did also. We were all wearing our sweat pant pj's. God do i love my old friends. :-) the ones you can bum out around and it's all good. She seems to be doing soo much better since she got to go out Thursday and get some things off of her chest. I told her anytime, i was willing to go with her and hang out and talk. She seemed to appreciate that.
current mood: high (comment on this)
|
10:50 pm
Well went on the job interview today. it is mine. the pay isn't that great, but the benefit of having on sight techs to help me with learning, plus she told me on slow days i can do my homework. it will be a hands on learning experience and if anything it will be experience on a resume. so i think it landed at the right time. i am starting tomorrow, she mentioned next week and i called her back and told her i needed to start as soon as possible. but anyway, had a run in with ole' moms today. god i think she just needs to smoke some weed sometimes and chill out.
current mood: awake (comment on this)
|
|
|
|