| terribillis est locus iste |
[29 Sep 2002|02:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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yesterday ,beautiful day |
] |
nothing can be done
why am i crying?
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| i am not like before but i haven't changed what used to hurt me still does but with time i understan |
[26 Sep 2002|01:01am] |
well I sure am not in the best mood tonight
I just feel like ultimate shit I feel like i have been used like usual Used!
i feel like someone has taken my heart and ripped it out
i guess that will teach me to let my guard down and grow very attached to someone
as for this whole new indifferent phase , mood whatever you want to call it what is up with that , what did i do ???? am i supposed to just read your mind or something
why did you even bother comming to my house today!@#!@? if it was to not even say hi to me
anyways pffft
i almost quit mc donalds today i was to tired today to go to work due to my going to a wedding reception last night which led to me drinking a couple tia marias
but anyways my shift didn't turn out to bad it went relatively slow
it was more or less afterwords that pissed me off
but yeah i went to the mall and bought a few things for my hair
i dyed last night it looks nice
btw lauren my phone number is 830 6539
but yeah afterwords i came back and hung out with kent
then i started to clean my room
and Marie france and big nick showed up at my door and we went to rent movies
and we watched the new guy
which was hilarious
well anyways gots to go
have a great night all
sarahxoxoxoxox
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| finally |
[20 Sep 2002|05:50pm] |
i have finally arrived home i have been in the stupid small saturn with my bro and sis for 7 hours and it was driving me nuts@!!@!$#@#$
but yeah i can't wait till nick arrives to the bus terms terms so i can see him:)
yup the last week was quite fun
but the past two days were interesting !!!
especially last night
unfortunatly i have no tan :(
*yawn *
well gtg
sarahxoxoxox aka citrouille
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| here..... |
[10 Sep 2002|12:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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rotten |
] |
| [ |
music |
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refuse to dance ,think twice , the color of my love |
] |
well i left yesterday morning at 11:09am and reached my final destination at around 11:30pm it was quite a road trip !!!
at around 3 we met my mom at wendy;s in drumonville and my mom ended up bringing us to sears to buy bathing suit :s ``my favorite thing to shop for```..... anyways we tried on many bathing suits and i ended up buying a sort of peach tankini and i love it i feel so comfortable in it :)i can`t wait to go swimming
after our shopping spree we headed for trois rivieres to see my mom`s boyfriend30 minutes later we got back in the car and headed for québec city
where we went to visit my favorite aunt and uncle in the whole world !!!!!!!!! they wanted to give us their dog so we could have it with us at the cottage but my mom had just gotten the car clean so we decided not to take frimouse
finally we arrived here in RDL
so far this trip isn`t too bad
although i had a horrible night !!!!!!!!
no fan !
hearing other ppl snore!
sleeping on a stupid floor mattress
gettting cold cause i didn`t have a blanket in the middle of the night
it was the worst night ! and the worst fucking morning
when i finally got to the shower there was no more hot water
and i got out of my shower and they were gone for breakfast without me and lets say i don<`t feel like eating any of the healthy food at this house
meh i am in a rotten mood
anyways i am planning to quit mc donalds when i get back
and start my singing lessons yeus:)
so yeah i hope everyone enjoys the rest of the summer
take care yàll
with love
sarah xoxoxoxox
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| i dunno feeling nothing |
[07 Sep 2002|02:38am] |
tonight was something although i don;t feel so good right now
the alcohol made me say thing i would of never dared to say
pfffft i feel betray you who have betrayed me you know why
wtf how and why did someone hack in my msn and tell people to fuck off
and to top it off changed my language settings to japenese '???????
and who are you
"tell me your problems and i shall tell the world "
btw the world know my problems
and what's your problem why i am i even asking that question your problem is obviously me !
what do you think you achieved by sinking as low as that ?@$#%!$#%?
God the sad thing is i don;t even care .nothing seems to really matter and touch me at this moment maybe i am still just a bit tipsy but fuck why don't i feel mad
fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccckkkkkkk
i want to feel mad and enraged or feel something all i fucking feel is nothingness
well i am going to bed now
good night and sorry to those who were told to fuck off
it wasn;t me i was out all night
sarahxox
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| i dunno feeling nothing |
[07 Sep 2002|02:38am] |
tonight was something although i don;t feel so good right now
the alcohol made me say thing i would of never dared to say
pfffft i feel betray you who have betrayed me you know why
wtf how and why did someone hack in my msn and tell people to fuck off
and to top it off changed my language settings to japenese '???????
and who are you
"tell me your problems and i shall tell the world "
btw the world know my problems
and what's your problem why i am i even asking that question your problem is obviously me !
what do you think you achieved by sinking as low as that ?@$#%!$#%?
God the sad thing is i don;t even care .nothing seems to really matter and touch me at this moment maybe i am still just a bit tipsy but fuck why don't i feel mad
fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccckkkkkkk
i want to feel mad and enraged or feel something all i fucking feel is nothingness
well i am going to bed now
good night and sorry to those who were told to fuck off
it wasn;t me i was out all night
sarahxox
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| very bored!!! |
[06 Sep 2002|02:30am] |
1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
on the country side where exactly i haven't decided yet
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
my 95$ shirt
3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? the butt and the eyes
4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
hum can't remember
5. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
out of bed
6. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
in my bed !!!!
7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
shivers .... my neck , my back ,my hair
8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
mind of course.
9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
vegetate
10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
the blender
11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
people who spit , people who make fun of my accent ,people who give me dirty looks ,my dad sometimes , my sister stealing my stuff
12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
the guitar
13. FAVORITE COLOR?
navy blue and red
14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR S U V?
sports car
15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
yes i think so
16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
la soupe aux sou
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
i like all the seasons!
18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
cleaning the washroom , cleaning my room
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
being able to read people's minds or being able to fly
20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO or PIERCING, WHAT IS IT/WHERE IS IT?
one on each ear
21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
no
22. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
pietro
23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
windy yet warm days.
24. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
i dont have a car:(
25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGERS?
hamburgers
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| bored |
[06 Sep 2002|02:17am] |
1. NAME: sarah
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?no
3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? yea
4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVOURITE? middle finger
5. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? today when i saw my sister when she came back from the hospital
6. IF YOU WERE TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT YOURSELF, WHO WOULD PLAY YOU? angelina jolie
7. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes
8. WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OF? anyone who likes the person i love
9. WHAT OR WHO IS THE #1 PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE? getting out of this god damn depression
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? very very thin lafleur ham
11. ANY BAD HABITS? talking to much, being bitchy , lying,
12. WHAT STORE WOULD YOU NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN?:zellers
13. GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Half empty
14. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL?: somewhat
15. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN'T TELL AND YOU DID? yea
16. DO LOOKS MATTER? Not as much as the Scent
17. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? mf
18. DO YOU THINK THERE IS A POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW? no!
19. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER?: sing, smack my door ,talk to myself write down my feelings and just cry in my closet
20. ARE YOU PASSIVE OR AGGRESSIVE?: aggressive
21. WHO IS YOUR IDOL? nikkita
22. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? yes unfortunately
23. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?lapino and it still is
24. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DID YOU THINK WAS TOTALLY USELESS?: what up this has to be frikkin religion ( remembers Mr Jonhson and his bible at the corner of the class , and frig Mr fitz watching Ganddhi for a month )
25. DO YOU LIKE SAPPY LOVE SONGS? at times but just some of them
26. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON RADIO OR TELEVISION? no
27. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yes
28. HAVE YOU EVER INTENTIONALLY HURT SOMEONE? yes
29. DO YOU LIKE SARCASM? not really
30. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? no
31. DO YOU FEEL UNDERSTOOD MOST OF THE TIME? no language barrier
32. HAVE YOU THOUGHT SERIOUSLY ABOUT COMMITTING SUICIDE?been there done that
33. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME?: the nut
34. COULD YOU BE A VEGETARIAN? lets put it this way there is nothing better then a bloody red meat
35. WOULD YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMP? yeus
36. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES EVERYTIME YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes
37. DO YOU EVER WEAR OVERALLS? no
38. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? i only wish i was
39. WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN 10 YEARS? anywhere as long as i am happy
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[05 Sep 2002|11:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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in love xox |
] |
| [ |
music |
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creep |
] |
This has to have been the best weekend of my summer , I feel so relaxed and happy !;)
So yeah friday i hung out with goeff ,mf , jay and rebecca and we played a demented game of truth or dare ...then later on during the day i met up with shannon at the bus terms were i saw jon and henry later on nick came over to visit then big nick showed up and finally Marie france and TRISTAN came i was so happy i hadn't seen tristan in so long :)(he joined the army ). Anyways saturday i worked then afterwords nick came to see me and we went to this party sleep over thing which turned out to be alot of fun
his friends are really cool . So then the next morning we went to the mall to have breakfast/lunch and ended up at my house he left at around 3 to go to work then he came back and spent the night over ..
Omg my sister got in a boat accident !!!!!
she lost her two front teeth and her lip is swollen and she doesn't have a palate anymore she has to get plastic surgery:( her friend broke her rib #10
yeus brandon is back !! whore big i am leaving saturday morning we gotta see each other before then 1@#@!$!#%$%
anyways i just wanted to say how much i feel happy and loved :)(L)
good night
sarahxoxoxoxx
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| everyone is doing i am bored so here it goes |
[16 Aug 2002|02:49am] |
[series 1 - you ]
-- Name : Sarah .E. chevalier
-- Birthday :May 14 1985
-- Birthplace : Kingston Ontario
-- Current Location : ottawa
-- Eye Color : hazel
-- Hair Color : dark borwn almost black dyed brownish
-- Righty or Lefty : Righty
-- Zodiac Sign : taurus
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
-- Music : CRANBERRIES!!!! all the way
--cartoon : french cartoons ppl have probably never heard of like calimero
-- Color : Red and navy blue
-- Slushy Flavor : transparent nothing in it
-- Magazine : seventeen
-- TV Show : passions, mole , trading spaces,
-- Song at the Moment: les rois du monde
-- Language : English and french
-- Food & Beverage : Food:spaghetti ceasar salad , garlic and butter shrimp , green tea
-- Subject in School : history
-- Weekend Activity : whatever comes along
-- Ice Cream Flavor : green mint with chocolate pieces and cappucinno iced yogurt
-- Roller Coaster : boomerang
[ series 3 - what is ]
-- Your most overused phrase on msn : what's new like every minute
-- The first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning : Why do i am I going to summer school??????????
-- The last image/thought you go to sleep with :hum that;s very personal
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex : their charisma and charm their vocabulary and of course the most important thing their scent!
-- The wussiest sport : curling , ballet
-- Your best feature : I have no clue
-- Your bedtime : when I can't stand up any longer
-- Your greatest fear : feeling vulnerable and weak
-- Your greatest accomplishment : .....
-- Your most missed memory :my fight with rebecca last year , times in Quebec with Mf
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
-- Pepsi or coke : coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King : Mcdo
-- Single or group dates : single
-- Adidas or Nike : Adidas all the way am i not obsessed with the cologne lol????
-- Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers : Nuggets-- Dogs or cats : Cats
-- Rugrats or Doug : Doug
-- Single or taken : hum i feel this is a trick question
--deleted lame music questions--
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : Nestea
-- One pillow or two : two
-- Chocolate or vanilla : Vanilla
-- Hot chocolate or hot cocoa : hot chocalate
-- Cappucino or coffee : Cap
-- Boxers or briefs : pffft girl underwear
[ series 5 - do you ]
-- Take a shower everyday? : yes
-- Have a(any) crush(es)? : Yes
-- Do you think you've been in love? : yes
-- Want to go to college? : i dunno
-- Like high school? : yes
-- Want to get married : yes
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys? : yes
-- Believe in yourself? : usually
-- Have any tattoos/where? : Nope
-- Have any piercings/where? :one on each ear
-- Get motion sickness? : ya
-- Think you're a health freak? : yes and no
-- Get along with your parents? : yes
-- Like thunderstorms? : yes
[ series 6 - the future ]
-- Age you hope to be married : 23???
-- Number and Names of Children : 2 or 3
-- Where do you see yourself at age 20? : somewhere were i am happy
-- Describe your Dream Wedding : outside on a beautiful summer day surrounded by green spaces and a little pond where there are swans jk with the people i love and the man i am meant to be with other than that i really dunno
-- How do you want to die? : quickly without any pain
-- What do you want to be when you grow up? :someone that makes others feel better
-- What country would you most like to visit? : some nice country in europe
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
-- Best eye color? :dark brown or green
-- Best hair color? : brown
-- Short or long hair? : any no shaved heads!!!!!!
-- Best height? : i dunno average????
-- Best weight? : one that makes the guy feel confortable
-- Best articles of clothing? : anything
-- Best first date location? : somewhere romantic and peaceful
-- Best first kiss location? : at the first date location????
[ series 8 - other ]
-- When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? : last night
-- How many rings until you answer the phone? : 2 rings gotta check color Id
-- What's on your mouse pad? : a blue thingy
-- How many houses have you lived in? : i don't know something like 7 or 9
-- How many schools have you gone to? : 6
-- What color is your bedroom carpet? : beige
-- Would you shave your head for $5,000 dollars? : yes if the money goes to a goodcause something like cancer research
- If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take three things (not people) with you what would you take? : matches , toilet paper or kleenex and a cell -- What was the best time of your life so far? right now !!!!!!!!!!
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| pffffft stop lying to me |
[13 Aug 2002|04:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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les rois du monde ( R et J) |
] |
lies...lies..... lies one after the other
why do i always feel disappointed this should of been expected
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| mel and i share the same brain |
[05 Aug 2002|03:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Herzeleid , Smurf ,(rammstein ) |
] |
portable mel hahaha lol jk well its like three o clock and well i am going to have problems waking up tomorrow lol
ah well everyone seems to have commented on tonight lol i shall add my input too lol
anyways today was fun
i woke up at around 1;40 and had a stupid bank appointment and they still haven't given me a card seriously the bank person was incompetent ...my impatience was making me very rude......meh so anyways afterwords I called rebecca to hang out and it took me forever to get ready , like usual and we went to the mall, to meet up with mel . Anyways once at the mall the plans changed and we decided to stay at the mall to shop.
Once in the mall i suddenly realized i had a major craving for an ice cap yummmyyyy!!!
so we all went to timmys for ice caps
after that we talked and stuff and i got annoyed with Rebecca cause she would only consider west 49 as the "place" to buy her shoes she like put those black things for like 3 seconds then bought tthem anyways . After that we went to Arden and stayed there for a while cause i couldn't make my mind on which neck lass to buy... the overweight french lady there was kinda freakish looking i swear laura d's future.
then we shopped some more and we spotted shannon and katrine shopping in a prostatote ( can't spell it ) shop so then we ate some cinabuns those were good
later on we saw tina...... :o
and we gave her a snobbish we are evil lol
then we started shopping for prom dress and for once in my life i actually enjoyed shopping . Every single dress i picked to try on fit me and looked good on me
I think i am going to buy the navy blue one :)
Then we went to the snoblord place ''laura '' store in the male where we were stereotyped because of our age i am sorry but i cannot stand that kind of attitude comming from women who are in their forties fifties and have to work at a clothing store to make ends meet I am sorry but no :@ frig that woman had no respect for us whatsoever so then we slipt and mel and i left for my house.. OMG speaking of which
when we where walking we realized that there was a man behind us who was who's paste was picking up and it turned out it was my dad mel and I could stop laughing it was so dement anyhow later on we were talking in a park when all the sudden this incognito popo car drives in the park ! i almost had a heart attack i thought someone was abducting us
then we left for the bus terms and saw brandon and alex who were headed to bran's new place and we had a few laughs ..
anyways night all
hope xoxoxox
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| bored |
[02 Aug 2002|10:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dreamer , 1492 conquest to paradise |
] |
tired ......I went to bed at 4 last night.
anyways today i registered back to st matts , registered to summer school , opened a new back account and got my oc transpo picture taken which actually looks normal lol and
I have decided to learn a third language ... which is going to be really hard but i am up for the challenge.I don't why but i feel so lonely today and bored ...other news nick is now in farm land ontario lol which is pissing me off , we were supposed to dye your hair white you !!!!how convenient that you forgot to tell me you were leaving lol anyways today is someone;s special day so happy birthday to you , you know who you are i hope all your wishes come true and may your troubles cease
anyways good night all
sarah xoxox
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| night |
[27 Jul 2002|01:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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half awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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adiemus |
] |
so much to do so little time
well i just came back from outside and i literally got eaten alive I think I am having a allergic reaction to tthe mosquitoes cause my bites burn and are swelling a bit :(
Last night I had a real talk with my dad and to tell the truth it felt so wonderful to say the things things that had been never been said to get all my pain off my chest
and thank God I did :) we reached and understanding ... and If all goes well and i feel happy then i am going to stay :) anyways tomorrow I am going to mc donalds to get my job back , I missed working there alot
Well I must say I am surprised and quite puzzled at the attitude changes in a certain someone I almost believed your opinions had actually changed until you said whatever oh well btw , I think i have become a litle more wiser, the time in RDL has made me see things from different angle and also I learned the meaning of actions speak louder then words when it concerns you I know that won't satisfy you nothing ever does that involves me what can I do about it :) ? but hey, that's all i gotta say about what kind of person i have becomed take it or leave it
Anyways on a totally different subject
I made peace with ryan sheridan and i must say i prefer this to putting all my energy into hating him
highlight of my day !! -- my dad never cut my library card ...:) so tomorrow i am going to get some summer reading , since i left ottawa I have read about 50 books most of which were french :s which aren't that bad
Yay I get to have a barbecue my dad says !!! I am excited i dunno when i am going to do it though
*yawn*
i hope everyone sleeps well tonight
hope xoxoxoxx
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| metamorphose |
[17 Jul 2002|08:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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wiser |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dreamer |
] |
i have created so much space and distance between me and my old life, and i think time and distance worked its magic on me
everything about my old self-destructive lifestyle repulses me , which is what saddens me most now .I look and think about my friends and wonder ,what do i have in common with them now??? i have changed and so have they , i think i almost hoped time would freeze and everything would be the same when i came back .
M.F got a tattoo and suggested i get one too :s , i don`t think she realizes how much i have changed i cry to think about what we used to be mf and i back in quebec i miss it , i miss it so much
God dammit we were so innocent back then so full of life ,school was awesome then , skating was my life , nothing else mattered
it wasn`t a soap opera like my life had become these past two years
nothing i was , was me ,i spent almost all my life being what my parents wanted me to be then for the last three rebellious year i became what i thought others wanted me to be finally today BEING ME
i finally know who i am ,AND i am not scared anymore to be that
well i am coming down the 24th i don`t know if i should be excited or to be sad because i am going to have to face the changes ....
anyways c ya all
laterzxoxox
sarah
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[10 Jul 2002|08:54pm] |
A long life made up of hate and pain sometimes ends in peace.
The feeling to end, to fall, to hit the ground is nearly a relief.
At least, death.
Death, so expected, which frees the soul from this body emaciated and devastated by the years.
Death which smiles through its dark and grimacing mask.
Death which seemed nevertheless beautiful and alike a young lady who was once beloved.
Death which is only nothingness.
Death which only heralds an infinite wandering where each moment is a confrontation with our past mistakes and crimes.
Death, I hate you, I who have desired you so much.
Death, you betrayed me.
You had taken this sweet and angelic face to seduce me and attract me like the siren.
But now, I have drown in the tears of the eternal pain of my soul.
Yes, my soul is crying for being rejected this way.
My soul, which once had the power is today only a miserable tramp.
Is there any hope ?
I do not know.
Then, with no way to escape, I am wandering in these Lands of Sorrow.
For ever ...
Darksoul
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| shakened |
[06 Jul 2002|05:51pm] |
After going to my therapy session , i started to see things from a different angle . I was actually forced to face my problems and look back on things that I have done to hurt people , god knows i am not to proud of myself.I just finished reading the book ``Daddy`` by Danielle Steel , i recommend it its an excellent book , so excellent that i am still crying . I always blamed the fact that my mom left us on my dad , but reading this book made my point of view change , I actually feel bad for the stuff i made my dad go through. Secondly I realized that i had done exactly what my mother had done to someone i love dearly (which i still love) ... Until this moment I hadn`t realized the damage I had done , fianlly i comprehend now that i won;t be able to glue back the pieces .
That all my efforts and all the pain I have gone through for this particular thing , is a result of me being selfish and inconsiderate and of one of my greatest fears . That is my past and this is the final chapter of this part of my life .
I am going to be strong and accept it , I have been in denial for to long ... If the person concerned happens to read this ,PLEASE know that I regret and am terribly sorry, you were an amazing part of my past but if you want you can be part of my future too, if not i understand :)
I don`t know what i want yet from life , I doubt ill know anytime soon.. These days i have been thinking of becoming a paramedic or a botanist, or a physiotherapist. Anyways I just found out today that I enjoy math...lol I am finally starting to care about school
i know i am going to have intensive summer school but its all good
next year watch out , my marks are going to be extremly good atleast ill try .
Anyways big news today ..... My dad and his girl friend left it each other. I wasn`t too surprised I didn`t think it would last long but i feel bad for my papa. :( You know what i think love is for fools .. and damn me cause i am foolish to believe in it anyways
i have to go eat supper
hope xoxoxoxoxox
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| june 3rd |
[03 Jul 2002|07:17pm] |
Last night I went to this amazing concert. It was so incredibly sad i burst into tears in the middLE of the show ..
today was a weird day i feel very fragile , i spoke to my therapist not to long ago i really needed it . I didn`t go to school there is much things i feel like doing anymore , everything is so god damn depressing . I know I life to live for but right now that `s not much .... here you go i am crying again today ..
I am just not able to let somethings go and walk away even if i want too my heart just won`t let me . I have a major a headache right now and my throat hurts
so yeah its officIal i am coming down june 24th
By the way this concerns the people who are still calling my house ??? and leaving messages in my box
i am sorry Rebecca to hear your dad has a tumor but cdon`t let your mom blame it on you ;)
did you know that the 3rd june 1995 the hopes of living for a women is of 80 years
where a man is of 74 .5
in 1988 federal government gave 110000000$ to quebec
in 1987 ten million people are infected with HIV in the world
in 1973 a russian plane killed 14 people and made 28 injured
1963 the pope Jean XXII died
1937- the wedding of windsor duke the kind Edward IV married an american actress called Wallace Simpson therEfor he had to renounce to his position because she had been married
well gotta go
sarahxoxoxoxox
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| love...love...love |
[02 Jul 2002|12:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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neutral |
] |
| [ |
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when i fall in love |
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I know I never love this wasy before
And no one elese has loved me more
With you i `ve laughed and cried
I have lived and died
What I wouldn`t do just to be with you
I know I must forget you and go on
I can;t hold back my tears to long
though life won`t be the same
I`ve got to take the blame
And find the strength I need
to let you go
hope xoxox
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| AH now i am angry |
[27 Jun 2002|07:19pm] |
Well don`t i feel priviledged.......
My mom decided to take my mental health in her hands today
she read some poems I wrote so she spoke to a nurse in RDL
and they examined my medical records and decided I was a ``case``and needed alot of help , that`s just great to know
that out of 14 cases presented to a medical committee i was the only one they chose :( apperently i am a very urgent and interesting one .... so I have to meet this doctor called Dr Gougou friday morning , judging by the name he is going to make me watch happy movies and listen to the same very depressingly happy music the other shrink made me listen too , this is just great , just great , the worst part is they won`t give me any more anti depressants . frig i feel even worst then when i left
god dammit grrrrrr
its like they don`t know that i am well aware that they care
why can`t they understand that i just don`t want to live anymore and nothing is going to change that , i have felt like this for years , its just been getting worst and worst
why can`t they just let me be
why can`t my mom face that i am not perfect i have never been
God knows I tried to be what they wanted me to be
i really tried , my mom still thinks i am perfect even in lights of the events and acts like i am just part of this perfect world she creates
i wish they could just hold me in their arms and tell me everything is going to be fine instead of being so formal and not acknowledging, what i did , I am tired of living in a world were everything i do is justified and simply forgotten
its like i don`t exist like no one sees i am there screaming begging for help they tell me its all in my head and if i try its just going to fly away can`t they tell its my life that is slipping away
so long
hope xxoxox
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