I've been thinking about this for awhile, but, the time has come for me to move on. Honestly, the name "KiaShadow" has been with me since I first came online. I've been using it for about 8 years now. Wow, it's been that long. I just think it's time to retire it and start anew.

Not only that, but I really want to reformat my LJ and it's simply going to be too hard with however many years (I think it's about 4) of journal entries to have to go through. I'll still keep this journal up and running, but it wont be updated until LJ comes up with a way to edit all entries at the same time. I will have another journal under the name wantonsugarcat, which will basically be a fresh start for me. I plan on letting this LJs paid account expire on the 26th and then just activating my other LJ as a paid one at that time.

I just wanted to let everyone know so no one was like "Where did Kias go!?!" Not that anyone really cares I'm sure. =p

¬_¬

You know who you are.

-----

In other news. I was suppose to go over to my grandmothers and help her today. I did technically. However, about a half hour into the endeavor I had to depart due to me not wanting to put up with her shit. You see, I'm not in the best of moods today. I started my period for one, I have horrible cramps, I feel really drained (girls will know what kind of "drained". It's that period exhaustion feeling.), and I feel really fucking sick to my stomach/intestines/etc. However, I still got up and went over to the grandmas house to help her out. What do I get when I get there though? Her fucking shit. First she gets on me about college. She's like "did you check out your college?" and said "Yeah. It was ok I suppose. I don't know if I like the drive." and she just jumps on my case with a "Well, I told you it was small!" Uhg.. I hate it when people are all "I told you so..nyaaaaaaaa" on me. -_-' Then she start on the "Well you're going to have to go to college or get a job." WTF? It wasn't so much what she said.. cause even though I do have a job I really do need another one and what not. And I want to start college again, it was just the tone of voice she had. It was just so negative... >_< Then to make matters worse while she was taking me to get Breakfast she starts talking about Auston City Limits. You know, that show on PBS.. and I was like "I didn't watch anything last night I just went to sleep." and she got on my ass about sleeping! The conversation went something like this:

Her- "I watched that Auston Cilty limits on pbs last night. It was really good."
Me - "I didn't watch anything last night. I just went to sleep."
Her - "Oh! All that sleeping isn't good for you."
Me - "What?"
Her- "You're just going to sleep your life away."
Me - "I went to be around freaking 9/10 or so in the evening. How is that bad?"
Her - "I just think you're depressed."
Me- "What???!! What are you talking about? I'm not depressed. Just cause I'm going to bed early sometimes I'm depressed?"
Her -" Oh... I don't know. I think you are. I think you are."
Me- "I'm not freaking depressed. I don't appreciate you analizing my emotional state of mind."
Her -" Oh now don't start Madaline."
Me - " How am I starting things? You're the one who's on me about being depressed. You know, I'm sorry if I don't do things to your standards in life."
Her - "Oh you're putting words in my mouth."
Me - "Well obviously if you're saying I'm depressed you think somethings wrong with me."
Her- "I'm not arguing with you."
Me - "Well I'm not dealing with this crap today. Not today. Just take me back to the house."

And I go back to the house and then drive home. WTF? If anyones depressed it's her fucking ass. You know, I'm sorry that shes lost her husband/my grandfather and I'm sorry she feels so horrible about my uncle Jay, but fucking a get off my ass about shit. >_< I'm not fucking depressed. I'm not going to ruin my life even though it seems to be what everyone expects and is counting on. And i'm not going to fucking take that pointless BS of hers or anyone elses anymore. I wouldn't take that shit from some stranger on the street and I'm not about to take it from a her.. I don't care if she IS family.

I just find it funny how she takes things so freaking out of context. >_< She did it with the Mcdonalds thing (long story...it's in here somewhere if you want to look for it.) and she's doing it with the "I went to bed early ONE day out of the fucking week" when I usually stay up till at least 3am. Shit.. I bet if I told her I liked the color red she would jump on my ass about how those are gang colors and that I'm going to join the Bloods or become a communist. >_< WTF woman.. WTF!

Graa!: annoyed
Voices in my head: DDR - Tsugaru!

So join it stupids.

acdandd

I went to bed around 11pm last night and woke up around 12 this afternoon. You do the math.

Finishing up laundry this morning and eating frosted mini wheats. Spent sometime outside looking at the birds and playing with the dog. This is what a Sunday is all about. The air smells like butter cream frosting and it makes me hungry for anything with butter cream frosting on it.

I'm still feeling weird and stressed though.

Graa!: anxious - (the bad kind)

DDRMax... for 7 dollars.

Oh yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah!

I made some fried cheese sticks today and the oil stunk up the house something awful. It's really sick. The entire house smells like a big mozzarella stick. Uhg. I need to go shopping. Badly.

I had a weird dream last night that consisted of me, PBS's animated Author ( You know... the aardcark.), and Cthulhu.

....yeah.

I've still being feeling like crap lately. Although I have to admit, not being around anyone feels really really nice. I forgot how much I just liked to be by myself. It feels really good. I mean....REALLY good. Maybe I'm just too independent for my own good. I know I'm too young for my own good still even though I'm 23. I think I get all idealistic and move too fast with things and then later on regret it. Or vice versa, I just procrastinate and then I regret not doing things sooner. Then I just put myself in a world of trouble. I need to start negating this pattern of behavior.

Saturday I'm going to check out my college. I'll most likely stop in and grab some info too while I'm there. Then I need to fill out my Application, and my FAFSA, and start calling for transcripts from Tri-C, and maybe doing some scollership (sp?) stuff. I also need to go and fill out some more job applications. I'm going to TRY for EB games and Software etc. Basically I'm going to do what princewien did and just go in there a lot and bug the fuck out of them until they hire me. I thought it was a good strategy. I've talked to the manager before at the software etc, and he seemed really nice so I'll most likely have the best luck there. Plus, I'm going to use my female-ness to help me out. Might as well.

Tuesday I get to help my grandmother out again around the house. All I have to say it, she better not ask me to paint anything else red.

Graa!: blank

Has made it's way into my video game library. I've heard lovely lovely things about this game, hopefully they're all true.
And since it's a PS2 game I had to rebuy myself a PS2. I've been saving up for one for a month or so, so it was well worth it. I ended up trading in some x-box games for it so it helped out with the price. The music reminds me of a lot of the stuff studio Ghibli put out for Nausica, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's, Laputa, etc. Well, at least the song on their web page does.

I can't wait to play!!! @_@ WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *drool drool drool*

Also, they had Halo 2 set to come out Nov. 9th. Just thought I would drop a line about that. Don't know how true that is or not though.

I was late to work today. I was informed that I had to be there by 10am, so I left my house around 9:15 so I would be there about 10 minutes early. When I got there I was informed that I was suppose to be at work at 9:45am. Ehh... So basically I was about 5 to 10 minutes late. Sure, it's not that bad, but the auction lane had already started and it's just really annoying to be late when you're job is really fast paced. I got paid today though, so that made things slightly better. Plus I worked with a really good auctioneer and I got to see Joe who is the coolest deal, and old guy, ever. Not to mention the lane went pretty smoothie which is rare.

My mom felt really bad about me having to cancel things with my Boyfriend cause she needed to car so she opted to take me out to dinner tonight. I think I want to go to Aladins. They have really good middle-eastern food there and I really love their banana, milk and honey smoothies. If they had a hookah bar it would be the coolest place around, but they don't so it isn't.

I also had a weird dream where drin and I were in an apartments bedroom, but Nazi's had invaded the town and two of them were in the room with us keeping guard. Then every now and then another guard of higher rank would come in and ask us questions and yell at the other two men cause he said they wern't doing their job and Hitler would be ashamed of them, and stuff about "how could they call themselves Germans". It was just really weird. Then somehow Jackie and I escaped and I took her into some warehouse and there was a secret passage that went down underground into a "bat cave" like structure. The rest of the dream just consisted of me kicking Nazi ass, but there was one Nazi I had a thing for apparently and I kept flirting with him a lot. Don't ask me. It wasn't really a lucid dream or anything. I just remember he had really blue eyes, light blond hair that was almost white, and boots that I really liked a lot.

Graa!: Ehh...

For the past few days I've been living mostly off of those caramel-corn flavored rice cakes from Quaker. Sure, I've eaten other stuff too, like grilled chicken and rice, hamburgers and beans, chicken gyros and oh so delicious soup. But for the most part my snack of choice has been these delectable, but styrofoame textured, treats. This leads me to believe that these tasty tidbits of modern science don't agree with me. You see, they're really light. You just can't eat one or two and go "Ok. I'm full." you have to eat a package of 6 at least to feel any sort of hunger satisfaction. It's like Quaker delibratly made them like that just so you would have to eat more, meaning buying more, of their product to fill hunger. I don't even think they have any nutritional value honestly. So I've been eating rice cakes like mad, causing me to feel really ill. One might say "Then cease to eat these pointless puffed treats of rice and artificial flavoring!" but I simply can't, for it is the last "snacky" item we have in the entire house. So it's either eat rice cakes, or eat muffins (which I can't stand). My mom goes shopping tomorrow though, so that means on Friday I should have my sudden hunger stoppered stocked up. Unless she just buys more rice cakes, in which case I'm S.O.L.

And some people have been asking me if I feel any better. Well, no. I don't actually. I feel pretty much the same as I have been for the last 2 weeks now. Thanks for wondering?

I actually want to go to work tomorrow. It's pay day, and I know I worked more hours so I should get more money. Unless Adesa wants to fuck me over, which honestly wouldn't be a big surprise. However, focusing on the present; I do believe I would like to travel to yonder Borders bookstore today and perhaps purchase some collection of words that form a variety of topics, and or a recording of someones singing voice put together to form a copulation of song. However, re-purchasing "An Evening with Kevin Smith" might make its way to the top of my purchasing list.

Graa!: restless
Voices in my head: Cars and Rain

I've been helping my grandmother out recently with her house, since she can't really keep up with it anymore since my grandfathers death. It's actually really sad. The house she's in now is too large just for her. I mean, back in the day when she had 8 kids running around it was the perfect size, but those days are long gone.

I ended up having to clean the entire bathroom, her bedroom, and the upstairs hallways/stairwell today. It was amazingly dirty. It makes me wonder what my aunt meant by "cleaning the house from top to bottom" when she came to visit a few months ago. Cause what I cleaned off was more than a few months worth of dirt and dust. It was more like, a couple years worth. Dust layered so thick that I swear I thought certain things really were gray only to find out it was really just a 1/4th of an inch of dust hiding the true white color. Her bedroom had a lot of dust around the bed boards, and on furniture. The worst thing was that the dust had piled up around the electric sockets which really worried me because of fire hazards. Then there was the carpet, which had at least 3 years worth of animal hair dug into it. I mean, it was so bad that I had to use that tinny little bristled appolestery (sp?) cleaning attachment on the entire floor cause the vacuum wouldn't pick it up. Basically, I was on my hands and knees sweeping the floor in 5 by 5ft sections the entire day. That's how I did all the carpets on both the second floor and the stairs going downstairs.

Then there was the bathroom. Oh boy...this was bad. I swear, if I didn't have that grease lightening cleaner my mom gave me I don't think I would have got done with it in the time I did. I think I would have been in the bathroom all day scrubbing. I scrubbed down all the tile walls which fills most of the bathroom. I scrubbed the bathtub/shower walls, the tub itself, and the hardware. The cleaner I used took the soap scum off in a huge sheet... it was really nasty but cool at the same time. Then I cleaned the sink, which had some weird "rust colored" stuff on it that wasn't rust at all. In fact, it was gooey, which highly scares me. The toilet wasn't that bad, although it also had that gooey rust colored stuff on it. I was going to ask my grandma if she possibly knew what it was, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I just came up with the conclusion that it was some alien ooze that made it's home in my grandmothers bathroom. The finishing touch was mopping the floor with that new clorox wet mop (which sucks by the way.) and then I dried everything with a towel so it wasn't all watery and icky.

That was my entire day. I cleaned. I don't want to hear anyone say I can't or don't clean, or don't clean well, ever again.

When I got home I felt so crummy that I needed a boost. Hence, I dyed my hair. Cause dying my hair makes my problems go away for a brief 30 minute time period when the stuff is on my hair and most likely soaking into my scalp and into my bloodstream. I then went to Walgreens where I bought razors, honey scented body wash, anti-frizz hair serum, coco butter cream, and X -box magazine with loads of Halo 2 info (*swoon!*), cotton balls, and chocolate caramels.

And no, you can't have any.

Graa!: worn out!