azpunk shit tonght...
tomorrow, same ol same ol
sat. work then DTS party, with the boy.
sun, recovery from 8 hours o' ravin
mon. 14 hr shift
tues... house shit n work
wed.. hair shit, clothes shit, and all the other shit ive been avoiding...
:-) life is fucking stellar all in all, and i think we should all chip in and get danielle and alex a new puter desk, cause im sitting here typing and im afraid the fucking thing is gunna fall the motherfuck over!!
...cell is still being narly.... sorry yall. and steven keeps deleting mah voicemails... so dont even bother... just fucking im me... its not like your real anyways...

viva la france!

uhh HUH!

today was rad!
got up at 4, got absolutely NOTHING done surfed the web, almost had some of the guys convinced they should blow off class and go to mexico with me to get drunk and do random shit, but they can be pussies sometimes.. ANYWAYS!
:-)

ohhh danielle!!! http://www.casamexicanafolkart.com/the_day_of_the_dead.html
rad shit!!

last night was cool too!
matt and audrea come over and hung out and played cards and we all talked and yeah! underware safari!
(ware, get it super puter dorks! god i crack me up!)


ohh this song is AWESOME!!! reminds me of a certain you know who, who has no idea i know what the fuck i do!

so yes tomorrow...
bank .... sell stocks transfer money market to saving.. blah blah blah!
then drive mah ass down and look at this beauty!!!
SO HOT! so fucking HOT!


wha ha ha!!!
PRETTY mercedes!!

its a congratulations your debt free go fuckit up properly present to myself!
but we all know ill talk myself out of it anyways..

then the plaid for some thai food possibly... should anyone wanna go get thai noodle with me, gimmie a call, maybe ill turn mah cell phone back on or some shit...
then possibly go back and buy benz.
clearly i am meant to have this gem! and the price is awesome!! i <3 having hookups in fucking every field... my mommy said i TOTALLY deserve to buy myself a new car, and she found a really bomb lexus and she and i are gunna go look at that later in the day too!

maybe i should stop blowing people off... im so antisocial (lately)
ehh, people are twats anyways!!

The vulgar always gloss their faults confucius...

a simplicity has been reached thus far.. i am making an earnest attempt at reclaiming my once jovial and completely unpredictable life..
i normally find that eastern ways of living are easier for me. it feels a little more calming to revel in the weird oneness i have with the words of the masters. yet, as many of them would tell you. as i have heard many atime(especially the buddhists and the esoteric native americans) the wisdom and the knowledge of others will only lead you to there zen, not your own.

god i hope i can kill the internal dialogue soon.
if not, i guess ill accept it and play the hand ive been dealt.

and i love how people are fucking DUUUMMMBBBB!!
if you thought you understood todays away message... you need to just leave. cause really
only i would get it.
it was for me... i need to do things for me a little more often i think.
ohh and for audrea and suzy.

damn....
tonight could not have gotten ANY better!
first fridays are always super rad! and i suuuuper missed that shit.
i guess i had been fucking around with the todds and the super elite queers for so long i had lost that part of me.
art one always has rad shit, ohh ohh the little book store with the fucking necromonicon in a glass case!(why ill never understand) and the "OBEY" giant posters... the intellectual the beautiful the musical the gorgeous... the people i understand... i love that there are other people like me who love jazz, and not just hard bop, fuck, bop and all it entails, but rag time, swing, and yes, even a little fusion... i love the whole scene at the paper heart, and the paisley violin.. spoken word poets everywhere, boys holding hands and being super cute coupely types!! GOD! so rad! i got to hang out with the cutest people i know, and talk about sex, love, life, philospohy, music, art, literature, movies, and traveling... i missed it soooooo much..
the chaos does some good for me ill give it that.. but the cultured, people who UNDER-FUCKING-STAND! now they just make me smile... i love it!
and come on, you know that i can just smile for hours, and its adorable as all shit!


its kinda bittersweet though...

this section edited out, as i am trying really hard not to denigrate people or the lives they lead, but rest assured if i talked to you today your safe for now.. ;-)

ohh well.. atleast i can sit in my room, and look at Dali, and curl up in my bed and giggle about life being beautiful! something most people cant do.

i love most of you... (not gunna say all, cause when you break it down im one very politically motivated person!)

i will find ZEN!
if it kills you all... i will find the calm again.. and i will take whatever measures i need to, in order to insure my hapiness and contentment.

I want a boy who will write me a poem. Who will draw me a picture. Who
will speak softly when my head hurts. Who will kiss the back of my neck
when I'm laying face down on the ground, complaining about how much I
hate life. Who will hold my hand, and not mind that while he is looking
up at the stars, I'm looking into his eyes. I want a boy who will bring
me some greentea at work, and tell me "You look horrible, when do you
get off? I wanna see you tonight". I want a boy who will wish me a
happy birthday on the phone at 4am, just so he could say it before
anyone else. I want a boy who would kill me if I begged him to. I want
a boy who won't cry when I get on that jet, and head out of this desert
wasteland. Who knows philosophy, and phyics, and history, and music.
And if he dosen't, then he dosen't mind learning. Who won't make fun of
me because I still watch cartoons, and play with pinwheels. And who
will always, call to say goodnight.

(totally stole it from audrea, but its all fucking true!)

CASS!!!

indubitably

adv : in a manner or to a degree that could not be doubted; "it was immediately and indubitably apparent that I had interrupted a scene of lovers"

.....
so
1. who the FUCK WHO THE FUCK! called my house at 4 am? and got bitchy with jake? i will be a vengful person soon!
2. Prince Albert(the wrestler) is SO FUCKING HOT! (saw him again today)
3.Whats with people and the way they look at me. 2 words "switch" "blade"
4. i should reaalllllyyyyy be asleep as tomorrow is gunna be busy..
5. people... people step out the closet pull up a chair and listen to me! for reals now.
6... UGH!
7. NEED A DEBIT CARD!! why cant they overnight me a new one? everybody else just overnights me stuff :::pout:::

that mother fucker gets me every time..
i give up!
fuck this shit.. im motherfucking confused as ALL FUCKING HELL... i just wanna pass out now.

i cant take it anymore.
i love the todds... how like, i can go out. and be me and have fun and all this shit..
but sometimes shit just throws everything off balance and you realized that everything is so backwards and inside out.
and im really fucking angry.
and god damnit,
FUUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

feel like im falling somehow.
and its scary..
and weird...
and i dunno what this feeling stems from, but its here..
and i just want someone to hold my hand after i hit the bottom.

:-) its unusually calming tho.
the last week and a half have been awesome.. and extremely calming and happy...
:-)
just feel like something is missing or is about to go down.. and to be honest i dont give a fuck, cause ive got everything i need.. and hey! it could be worse, so enjoy the happies while yah got em right!

lovely night with tha killahs..
bought brass knuckles, switchblades and a pair of handcuffs..
played with whips, boys in hawks.
love it all...

:-) love them girls.. i love em!

so.
this week has been utterly fucking GORGEOUS and AWESOME!!!
i hope next week will bring about the same..
hanging out with braden and chillin on the tracks. looking at stars, dive bars, cartoons and drunkeness.
danielle and her ability to soothe my soul and put things into a calm place.
cali w/ cass.. fucking AWESOME TIMES!!!
hanging with audrea and suzy.. crazy go nuts fuck shit up times..
sushi with jasa and amaya.
scotty caps, boy scout shirts.. smiles. laughter.
HAAPPPYYY!!!
i am sooo content im welling up a bit(fag i know)
but really... with the light sprinkle tonight has been, all i can do is marvel, and realize how lucky i am to have friends who will come cause trouble with me, go the the bar with me, break things with me, and let me be alone when i need to be alone..
...
im not working as much anymore... only 44 or so a week, and i have already started to get back into the groove of fun loving adam... and its sooo fucking rad..
blissful.

best friends i could ever ask for i tell yah..

to many to edit all at once, but yahll get the drift...

just click the shit will yah already!

first couple are from cali w/ cass...
then kickin it with the girls..
then danielles
then the horror (some of it anyways) of last night..
then today and its atrocities..


sleep now?
jammys?

do you remember when we all useda go to DTS parties like everyweekend, and drive by the nile high as kites and just show up at parties...

THEY'REE BAAAAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKKKK

http://www.deserttrance.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189%20border=0


bust out your fucking adidas people...

who's down? dont make me go to the first DTS party in years alone...
fuck that, ill take a todd if i have too! HELP save adam from the TODDS!

now i think i should go break things, i know not very plur huh..

omg,
i just realized...
last night involved cartoons and ballsy behavior..
2 out of 3 and it wasnt even planned that way.
SHIT!

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act."
-orwell


like whoa... i payed all mah bills and now im poor ass shit.. by my standards anywhoo.
today has been awesome, went to lunch in mah jammys, went shopping at the mall in mah jammys, and now i think i deserve a fucking nap.
IN MAH JAMMYS...

im thinking work in mah jammys tomorrow..
cause if anyone gives me shit ill fire there asses..
but i cant, cause they cant where there jammys
so id be setting a bad example and being a hypocrite...

--clearly i have gotten into the vodka again--

maybe... maybe i didnt ever wanna be this guy i am.
it works(worked for a while) the whole, big pimpin shit...
maybe i just wanna have a boyfriend. maybe i wanna settle down and be normal and shit.
maybe i just wanna be still for a little while.

i dunno... i dont have the energy to care anymore.
i need some green tea like mad. and a fiji cause the whole cali thing dehidrated me.
i feel like im drownding,
but there is nothing for me to drowned in but choices...
cause when you always win, you run out of things to want... and get a little lost..

ill post pix after i wake up.....
had a lovely talk with jasenka..
its good to have her back... not just in az or the us.
but back with her fuck people take or leave it attitude.
good times had by all!!!
it just soothes my soul to disapear from arizona... even for a night. maybe next time ill make it to the beach.


and honestly people there is something to be said for just looking at a map and saying that one works.
yah know... if you dont get it, and you dont understand the point, if you dont understand how and why things just automatically get taken care of, your not worth my time anymore...

last night was the true blue adam, funny pix, random screaming, stargazing, THE FUCKING ADVENTURE OF LIVING!
now for some pajama action!

berrie smoothies.
berry vodka.
me in mah scrubs and mah hoody.
hot gay guys all over.
and phone numbers...

ohh i smell funny.
none of you are real.
i am TOTALLY not real.

damnit, josh just called me drunk from the beach.. twat.

ugh fine.
since i am clearly not allowed to sleep ill make a post or some shit!



k k
while normally i would be totally okay with work, i am not. at all.
granted 24 hours in one store in the mall 5 of which included your dsm and a buncha crack whore W.I.S. people will do that to you.
omg, i have been running hot for how long now? i sooooo need some down time. and ive known this for a while now, and all the guys went to mexico this weekend, and i couldnt go.. im not upset (kinda) that i didnt get to go, but im just pissed that my work keeps fucking with my life. but hey, inventory is over and floor moves will be done by friday and then i can start only working 44. thatd be mothafucking loverly..

im gunna stop posting.. its all a jumble
and i should sleep..
i need to go buy some orange juice, as the vodka is making my sore throat worse.
perhaps some oxycotin would fix the sore throat, but tomorrow is the monday 14(hours yah dumbass)...

ohh ohh lemmie breakdown my week..

monday - 16 hrs.
tuesday - (day off) 10 hrs (tuesday was FUCKED up i woulda rather worked all day!)
wed - 9
thurs - 10
fri - 9
sat/sun 23.5
sooo in the last week ive worked 77.5 hours........ HA HA HA.. i totally gotta call jackie.

omg.
i just pulled a 23.5 hour shift.

there has something oddly apealing about me walking down a dark street in the middle of the night alone.
ill never get it.
but tonight. it made me whimper a bit.
...
ive been there, and done that.
i did my drugs, drank till i couldnt stand and passed out in a foreign city in someones bathtub.
i did coke off of cocks in the crowbar at 16,
i started fights, broke bones, lived it all.
ive done corporate america.
ive done mom and pop and americana.

to be honest.
im so fucking borred.
SO completely borred with everyone and everything.
and disgusted.

and REALLY!
why THE FUCK CAN I NOT MEET A FUCKING GUY WHO DOESNT ALWAYS TALK ABOUT BEING GAY?!?! AND GAY LIFE, AND GAY FRIENDS.
why would you let that define you, who you hang out with, where you go? why do i atract pussies and losers? people who only bring annoyance and disapointment to the table.
and.
why cant i go on an adventure where it doesnt seem so planned...
why cant i just disapear again?
i guess ive done to much or something.
cause when you look at it through my eyes... its alll so predictable and routine.

dont get me wrong i love the simplicity of it.. but
once... i want a partner in crime who understands
i just wanna have fun.
someone who can say fuck it all... the way i do..

basically
fuck YOU ALL!
fuck the smelly, ugly borring people.
fuck the posers, fuck the money grubbing
fuck the shallow one dimensional fucks.
fuck the people on aim
fuck the scene and the mod and the hip!
fuck the digital shit
fuck you and your wanna be life! grow some balls and make yourself happy!
fuck god damn pseudo straight fucks who want me to teach them.
fuck people who think im amazing im fucking NOT
fuck all those dumb fucks who stare at me like im a fucking peace of fucking meat.
fuck all those people who wonder why i do the things i do and cant just smile and say your adorkable.
fuck you and your fucking expectations of me!
fuck people for not having faith in me.
and FUCK people who always make me decide what we do when we go out!

and fuck me..
cause ill always fucking put up with it.. and make excuses for them, and myself...
until a rule is broken.

i need a chai and i need to be the FUCK ALONE!
thank god i didnt by that 9!

i fucking love the smell of dior..
:-)
an adventure now.

there are these moments.
when everything is perfect.
its weird.
cause i almost stop shaking.
moments where time and everything else is so completely irrelevant.
the images just kinda stick in my head, moving out slower than molasses.
...
so much beauty.
:::sigh:::
god how i love the calm and the ordinary sometimes.
the simplicity of it all.
so completely and totally perfect.

weeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
fucking weeeeeeeeeeirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddddd







aight im going to the bar with the guys. maybe i can wash this dirty cheap fag feeling off with some whiskey.

Baise Paul! pour se lever dans mon gril. Baisez cette merde! Sur des autres personnes de note que l'amertume n'est pas attrayante éclairez vers le haut, ont de l'amusement, causent de la merde d'ennui, vous peuplent sont plus mauvaises que toutes les sèches je connais!

Je vraiment devrais être sorti et avoir acheté un nouveau couteau aujourd'hui peut-être le mardi

i told them i would pay for a yard lesbian.
and now we may get fined!
HA HA HA HA

i have gwar stuck in my head now.

SEXACUTIONAR..
NA NANANANANAN
SEXACUTIONAR..
NA NANANANANNA
ooooihhhhhhhhhh ohaha haa oh ha oh ahh ohhhhhhhhhh


...oh god kill me

HERE WE GO!!!!!!
lets do it all over again!
i know ill prolly end up working atleast a 12.

oh deaar god that was a long shift.
i gotta work tomorrow am too.
ugh.
fuck me running.
so much to do.
..
had me a meltdown at work.
boys+inventory+floormoves+paul+marquez=sad times adam
mae really heled tho.
all i have to do is tell her what to do and she does it.
no questions.. no micromanagment bullshit, no fucking around... she just goes..
i think i may start shanking people.
..
i think i may not come back from paris.
honestly.
whats here?