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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
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12:08 pm - Thank god for tea
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I have the strangest sleep and eating cycles. For about 10-12 days I can live on basically no food and very little sleep. Then the other 18-20 days are spent trying to sleep my life away and eating when I'm not doing anything else. It's not me "making up" for the days I don't eat or sleep, those days, I can't get to sleep before the early hours of the morning and the thought of eating more than once, makes me sick to my stomach. Anyway, my point is that I'm currently on a need more food/sleep trend and I'm still not getting enough sleep. And so what happens, I'm exhausted in class to the point that I'm falling aleep and I think I'm getting sick. Thank god for coffee and tea. There doesn't see to be enough hours in the day for me to sleep; much less sleep and get stuff done.
But anyway- my halloween costume is almost done, I have about 2 more hours of sewing on the jacket before the party tonight. I'll post pictures tomorrow, if I can figure out how.
The guy situation is kinda odd at the moment. Ray and I decided to be just friends, maybe friends with benefits on Friday. It's fine, I was expecting it. After Taylor and Donovan in the past 6 months, I'm invincible to guys. They can't hurt me. (Angel- if you're reading this- wipe that smirk off your face.) So the odd part is, is though we're not together. Ray has come over every night since I got home Sunday, and he's spent the nnight twice. Last night he just stayed and we slept, with our clothes on and decidedly, if I can't curl up against someone, I don't want to share my bed. It's just weird. But I do like him, and like is as far as it goes. I think it could develop, but I'm not sure if I want it to. Whatever.
Che sera, sera. What will be, will be.
current mood:  sleepy
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
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10:24 am - ...oops
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On a happer note than what I've been posting,
Peanut Butter Crunch is the best no-milk cereal ever
current mood:  excited
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 11th, 2004
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4:53 pm - Better... sort of
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well- he doesn't hate me which is good. And though I love him to pieces, it might just be a good idea to let go. But I love his friendship and that's a problem. He has no idea how much his presence calms me. But what can I do? I've never been one to force myself upon people; if they don't want me there, I don't want to be there. With him, it take some amount of aggression, which he calls effort, to be a part of his life. I've always taken the, you'll tell me if you want me to know route, while he's all about asking questions (if you don't ask, why should I tell), I always worry that this approach makes me seem nosey. and I'm not a fan of that. Oh well.
I saw Ray on campus today and asked where he's been for the past few days. "busy" is the response I got. It was the one I expected. He's had a lot of theta tau pledge stuff going on which is fine, if I was concentrating on my studies like I should be, I would be just as busy. But alas, I have no such attention span.
current mood:  content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 10th, 2004
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7:46 pm - So, what have we learned tonight?
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He asked me if I was over him. I said yes. Problem is I don't think I am. At least not now, anyway. I knew, driving over to his place, that he would ask me that question. I also knew that the answer should be yes. I need to be over him, because I can't have him. Usually, I wouldn't quit on it, but he's so insistant that we're not compatible. Yes, I love him. But am I in love with him? Someone else once told me that you can't be in love with someone unless they love you. Until Friday night, I didn't even know he loved me. I knew he cared about me and he loved me as a friend, but never more than that. If I had known that, I would have fought for our love, but now I'm fighting for our friendship.
We were talking about Ray, and I told him that things would be better between us because now I wasn't always trying to get in his pants. He took it as that. I would never use him as only a booty call. It was always about so much more than that for me. It was more about the company, the talks, the tickling. Never all about the sex (though it was outstanding). I didn't know how to act around him, because I was supposed to be getting over him, and every time I got near him, I was afraid I fall back in.
I miss him so much. I miss the friendship and the laughter and the Red vs. Blue quotes and even the sighs because I don't understand something so simple, because I have to complicate everything. But most of all, I miss the understanding. ...and the hugs.
I thought about making this friends-only, but maybe some random passerby will have some input on my dilemma
current mood:  lonely
current music: Our Lady Peace - I Loved You All Along
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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11:31 am
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I cried last night, I cried a lot. I really miss a lot of people. Last night Donovan asked me if there was any better person than him for me to talk to. The answer was no. It made me cry harder. All those people that I thought would be by my side until the end of time, I barely know them anymore. The person I run to when I need to talk, has known me for barely 5 months. Actually, I didn't run to him, I was already on the phone with him when the tears started torrentially pouring down. Everything's wrong, and it's all just hit me from every direction. I can take on the world one problem at a time, but when everything is thrown at me at once, I get so overwhelmed.
So for today, I'm going to take Donovan's advice; I'm going to let him handle the world's problems for a few days, and I'm going to go out and make myself happy.
current mood: hopeful
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(comment on this)
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1:04 am
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I feel like shit. All I want is someone to hold me. Someone who really cares. I don't even want the sympathy rihgt now. I just want to be alone, seeing as how I can't have it any other way
current mood:  depressed
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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10:43 am - HA!
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It's the fourth week of school, and I just pulled my first all nighter!!!
current mood:  exhausted
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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1:04 pm - Quick non-update
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As much trouble as they can be, and as much as they rip apart stuff and pull things down from shelves; I really do love my kittens. They are beautiful and cozy. They make me happy.
On the other hand, whoever decided that my brain deserved to be put in at much pain as possible for that past 48 hours deserves o die, and if I ever figure out who it was, I will hunt them down and put their head in a vise and show them what I've felt like for the past days.
current mood: melancholy
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 13th, 2004
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6:49 pm - If Brent can update, so can I
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I know I haven't posted in about 6 months, but oh well. Things got busy, Russia was crazy, and right now my life is a jumbled mess of hell. Lemme think....
So a quick update of Russia for now, possibly followed by the rest of the summer, followed by an update of the first four weeks of school.
( Russia )
So it's now time for dinner, if I left out anything important, or I dunno, something you wanted to know, comment and I'll fix it.
Ciao.
current mood:  nostalgic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
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4:21 pm - UF Color Guard tryouts!
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UF Guard Tryouts
Join the Florida Visual Ensemble!
(I know, it's a horrible name, but it's a really good time)
WHEN: May 2
TIME: 2 PM
WHERE: MUB!!!!!!
requirements : 2-3 minute routine primarily with flag (at least 1/2 of your routine), but also an added medium...this can be rifle, sabre, dance, baton, streamer, etc. Make sure to do exciting things! Keep the judges on the edge of their seats
I know the people living in the dorms have to move out the day before. I did it last year. E-mail me, we'll talk.
For more info, comment or e-mail me.
For all other band geeks:
There is an informational meeting in the Band Room Wednesday at 5
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
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11:53 pm
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| Friday, April 9th, 2004
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11:35 am - Quick food survey
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I'm thinking about replacing my usual granola bar snack with an energy bar. What are your favorites and how do they taste. I really don't like Power Bars, I'm trying to stay away from that dry powdery taste.
Thanks
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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10:30 pm - I don't know where this came from
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I'm the strangest normal person that you'll ever meet.
I live life with my eyes shut, feeling my way through. sometimes you can't trust what you see, but what you feel, that is always real.
I hear what you're saying, but in the end, it's not your words that have my attention, it's the movement of your mouth.
I want you and everything else in the world. Make my dreams come true and give me everything. just because I want it.
One day I will show you I'm worth it.
Ask me later.
current mood:  weird
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
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11:26 am
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does anyone know if my sister died? I haven't eseen her online/posting in a while
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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9:43 am - HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!
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BROT
Yes- I know- I'm 9 and a half hours late. I'm sorry. I still <3 you, and I hope you still <3 me... I've been sick lately. My sinuses have not started oozing out of my cheeks, but they will soon, I'm sure of it. But anyway- some memories for you.
1) Pine-Sol and the grumpy Jar Head guy. (I think his name was Willis or something) and the rancid monkeys in the lab.
2) playing football and you almost breaking my neck
3) pillows
4) hot tub merry go round
5) Pittsburgh: the basis of our friendship
6) me writing on your back in english
7) brain team
8) going all the way out to Orlando to get to our ACTs in Merrit Island
9) Lindsey's "mad sex noise"
10) me falling asleep in your bed every time I came over
Thanks for all the good times. Love ya, Kiddo, and Happy Birthday
JENN-JENN
I'm on time for your birthday, so HA! Anyway- I don't know what time your dinner is or if I'm actually supposed to come to that or are you going out later? Let me know. (I won't be offended if I'm not supposeed to come to dindin. I've got a paper due tomorrow that should keep me busy.) Since we reminisce every time we're together, I though I'd borrow you a song for your condition on this coming Friday night:
( Boysenberry by Allister )
Next year's gonna suck til you get back.
Aight- now I must go to class. I love you both.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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2:20 pm - posting for everyone else's benefit
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yup- so I'm alive. and procrastinating doing my differentail equations homework. I'm probably just going to drop the class anyway, so why do the homework? beats me. I'll do it later... but not too later, it has to be turned in by 5. boo.
I hate my classes. all of them. see, they wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the teachers and the times. with the exception of diffEQ. that class just sucks. period. Tech writing is an easy class, but it's at 8:30 am. who wants to write at 8:30 in the morning?! really. russian is easy except the teacher nitpicks and wants homework every night. and checks it thoroughly the next day. BSC2008 is for stupid people. and the teacher in my international relations class, is obsessed with the cold war.
On a better note, I'm spending six weeks in Russia this summer, studying the language andthe culture. I'll be staying and studying at the Russian State University for the Humanities in Moscow, and we get to take a three day field trip to St. Petersburg. yay. should be interesting. I made the mistake of volunteering to book the flight over for the group. It's going to be a pain in the ass to do. I'm an idiot, I know.
Todays Carolina's birthday. I got her sandals. That way, my sandals are safe when I go home and they won't be "forgotten" because they were "lost" in the house... more specifically, her room. hehehe... I'm on to you.
Valentine's day is this weekend. I don't know what Taylor and I are doing yet. could have gone on a cruise with cara and joe, but cara didn't want to go. what a waste. So Taylor had to go pick up my gift yuesterday, and now I want to know what it is. hmph. I have to go wrap his present.
I got a job at Bonefish Grill. It's being built here next to wal*mart. and everyone knows how much I love wal*mart. yay. but it's a job and that's happy.
alright. no more free thoughts for you guys. you'll have to pay next time.
current mood:  lazy
current music: I can hear the microwave
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 18th, 2004
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1:00 pm - whatever... from cara's journal
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004
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5:56 am - Questions to be answered at a later date
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Why is it not 6:00 yet? And why the hell am I not still asleep?!?! Boo.
JenJen- I still have something from Christmas for you. It'll make you laugh. Come get it. Or call me, we'll do lunch or Wingzone, or Pokey Stix. Whatever.
current mood:  cranky
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
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10:16 am
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So I officially don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I can't stop complaining about how I feel, but there a certain validity to all of it. I'm sore all over because this matress suck. I have to run a mile three times a week which I'm not even ALLOWED to do and it's really killing my sleep schedule; my knees are waking me up in the middle of the night and they won't let me go back to sleep. I can't sleep past 8 anyway. I feel like utter shit because I have no immune system. and (the only one that doesn't make sense) I feel really alone. ugh. I hate whining.
On a happier note. I'm am almost caught up in all my classes. (everything except for Russian and Latin, and some light reading for politics). I expect B's or higher in all of them. And my room is next to immaculate. Everyone who has seen my previous room(s) would be amazed. Thanks to Taylor who began to clean one night while I was studying. I even make my bed!!! Marching season is almost over, so I can get a job and have some money. which will make me happy as well. I really need money to go Christmas shopping this year. Though right now in order to get a job, I'd have to be available to work over the holidays, which I'm not. I'd like to go up to Pitt for three or four days, and I have the bowl game to go to. I don't know, maybe I can get a job and not go up to dad's we'll see. I don't know how anything's going to work out.
That's it for now.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 13th, 2003
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9:36 pm
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OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
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