ok so the last time i posted was early wednesday morning, but tuesday night i cleaned the apartment, i made a to do list and i did everything, and it looked nice, and wednesday morning he came home and he was talking to me about it, but i was tired, and he went shopping, and came home and went to bed, oh also tuesday in the day time, i picked him up from work, and we came home and he showered and we went to lunch with my mom, but we had to wait for her for a long time, and he was grumpy and tired and i felt a little embarrassed, so he came home and went to bed, then wednesday after he was shopping, he basically came home and went to bed, oh i also think i didn't say that on monday we had anal sex again, i'm also not saying that on wednesday while he was sleeping i called staffworks and got a new job here in rome that pays 10/hour and is not awful, so thursday morning was yucky because wednesday before he left for work i was telling him about the new job, but thursday morning he woke me up, asking when i was going to work, at my old job, so that started me off in a little grumpy mood, then later we were going to go pick up my check at work and go shopping in syracuse, i forgot what he wanted to look for, but anyhow so we were getting ready and we were talking and he was talking about me going to get on medicine, and although i had already calmly thought out, that i don't want to be on medicine all the time and i think i just need something to calm me down once in a while and i'll start going to counseling again because i think i just need to learn some better ways of dealing with things when i'm upset etc etc but instead of trying to explain that at all i basically start screaming there's nothing fucking wrong with me, i don't need medicine, i'm not fucking crazy, etc etc so then i'm like i don't want to talk about this right now, just get dressed and let's go, and he said i'm not going anywhere, and then i said something along the lines of well i'm not going to sit around here all fucking day and fucking listen to your fucking shit, and then i stormed out of the apartment and went to my mom's and before i was even downstairs i felt so bad i wanted to go back up, but i felt like i had some point to prove, so i went to my mom's and kept calling him but he wasn't answering and as it turns out that's because he drove to my work thinking that's where i was going and waited there for a while and then drove all around syracuse looking for chip and dale rescue rangers for nintendo cuz i had said i wanted it before, but he couldn't find it but did buy me green soda from wegman's, so anyhow we talked later that night, and my mom took me to sears and bought me some new clothes for work, and there were great sales, and i got 3 new shirts, pants, a skirt, and 2 bras for like 30 bucks, everything was so cheap, then i bought myself 2 new pairs of shoes for a total of 20.90, which isn't bad, one pair was only 4.50 and the other pair is high heels, so then friday morning i went home, and as soon as i got home i called about the job and had to go for an interview like right away, so i was rushing around trying to get dressed and have him tell me how to get there etc etc, so i went to the interview for like an hour and a half and it's at this place called empire air, like 3 minutes from our house, and they fix airplanes, and the job is basically typing in what repairs have been done from sheets that the mechanics fill out, so it seems like an ok job, so i got hired, then i had to go for drug testing which took like 2 hours because they could not figure out the paperwork there, and i guess i'm still waiting on the results but that's not the only reason i haven't started work there yet, but that's another story or not, so then i came home and i felt so amazing and dan and i had sex and i wanted him so bad, then we got dressed and we went to syracuse, and we went to target looking for a stereo thing that he wants, but he wants it and he doesn't buy it, then we went to EB Games, and guess what they had, 3 copies of rescue rangers so i got that and i was very excited and the dorky boy working there tried to impress us with final fantasy but i was unimpressed because i don't even like that game, so in the car on the way to syracuse i was telling dan how i'm so committed to really changing my life, i feel so much better, i had already been able to clean the apartment and my room, call about jobs, actually go to an interview and not act like a nutcase, get hired, etc etc and i was going to start counseling and save money and join a gym and just really really change my life, so anyhow...then we tried to decide where to eat and i wanted to eat at tully's but it was so busy so we ate at hauffman's and it was really better, which i'll get to in a minute, so my point is we had eaten there before together, on the second time that i met him, and i got french fries and i like couldn't even eat in front of him, but even though it basically amounted to me just being a huge glutton, this time just made me realize how close we've gotten and how comfortable i feel around him, here's the story lol, when i go there with my mom which is sort of a lot, i get french fries then i get the cardboard thing that they put hot dogs in and i fill it up with ketchup and brown mustard and onions and vinegar and i eat like a total slob, and my mom always says the whole time i'm eating it "oh my god you're making me sick to my stomach, i think i'm gonna throw up just watching you" etc etc so anyhow...i'm eating, he doesn't say anything that it's gross, but it's taking me forever to eat and he's done and he's looking for movie times to go see lost in translation, so then i say have some fries, i'm full, and he dips it in the ketchup/mustard/onion/vinegar mixtures and i said "i love you so much" and i meant it, i felt like i wanted to marry him literally, which is funny but serious to me lol, i think this shows that food is way too much a part of my life but anyhow the point is i've never really felt like i could spend the rest of my life with one person, and even though i'd been feeling a little like i could with dan for that one second i was like holy shit, i want to get married right now, so weird story i know but it makes sense to me, so then we went to the mall to see the movie, but it didn't start for a while so we were just looking around etc etc so then we went in to the movie and there was more action than we've had at the movies before but not all that much hehe, but it was nice cuz he held my hand for most of the movie, and the movie was good, it was different and really gave me a different feeling than any other movie, it's hard to explain, it was like calming and not upsetting or something, i don't know, i liked it, i think a lot, so then we drove home and it was late, and his neck was hurting, he fell on the ice on wednesday, and so we came home and went to bed, both in my bed, and we had the freaking weirdest night, we got home a little before 2 i think and just went right to bed, didn't even turn the lights off or anything, so around 2:30 i wake up and he's fingering me and i'm like ok, so he makes me cum a couple times, he's talking to me like oh baby i wanna make you cum so bad, i wanna make you feel good etc etc so he makes me cum, we go back to sleep, what must have been just a few minutes later because i know the fourth time was at 4:30, so...lol...so just a few minutes later i wake up and he's doing the same thing, and for a while i'm like ok, he makes me cum a couple times, then i push his hand away and i'm like ok let's get some sleep etc etc so we go back to sleep, again it must have been a few minutes later, i wake up to the same thing and i'm like grr so he fingers me for a while, then starts jerking off, and then i started in with the weird sleepy sex and i was like i want you to get on top of me and cum on my face, which when he agreed with no whining about how it's degrading etc etc i should have known something was up, but he got on top of me and came in like 2 secons and then got off me and went right to sleep, so i was like ok at least it's over, lol, so i went back to sleep, then at 4:30 i woke up to him fingering me again and i was finally like dan what the hell are you doing? i'm trying to sleep and he said so snotty i'm just trying to get you off so i can go to sleep i'm so tired and i'm like dan you don't have to get me off, i'm trying to sleep, and i started to get up to go sleep on the couch and he's like no i'm sorry hun i'm sorry i wanna get you off i'm just so tired, i didn't mean it like that i'm so sorry and i'm like dan it's ok, just go to sleep, so i went and slept on the couch and he doesn't remember any of it lol, i thought i was going to lose my mind if i stayed there and he woke me up one more time, so then saturday morning we went to target and i'll stop there for now