Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
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1:50 pm - holy SPAM batman!
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unfurl@toxic:~/.procmail$ zgrep SPAM log* | wc -l
45840
Holy shit. 45,000+ pieces of spam this year. Wow. That number only
represents the spam that was caught by my mail filter. That's insane.
current mood: spammed
current music: Usted Zakir Hussain - Tal Pancham Sawari
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Saturday, December 15th, 2001
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1:06 am - job #2
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So I today I decided to apply for a second job at the coffee shop we
always frequent, Coffee Cavern. I need something else to do and the
extra money would be nice. Their night shift runs from 6pm-11pm and I'm
thinking that I could work 3 days a week.
It might be a bit more than I can chew but I'm going to try. I'm
shooting for starting after the new year so I can still enjoy my
vacation.
We'll see.
current mood:  tired
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Friday, December 14th, 2001
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3:45 pm - no peace corps for you
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"Individuals with close family relations who have engaged in intelligence
activities may also be ineligible for Peace Corps service."
*sigh*
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 5th, 2001
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11:53 pm - ugh
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Woke up at 6
in SF at 8
in SJ at 9:30
work
work
work
leave SJ at 6:30
get home at 8:30
coffee
sleep
(man am I tired...)
current mood: tired
current music: Ida
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Tuesday, December 4th, 2001
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8:34 pm - looong day
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I had a long day today. Laurie left at 9am or so for school and I worked
from home so I could finish up some last minute stuff before our big
install-a-thon in San Jose tomorrow. I have a 3 foot high stack of 1U
machines on my desk at work that are all getting hauled down there and
installed. I have to be in SF at 8am (ugh) which means I need to leave
here at 7am (ugh) which means I need to get up at 6am (UGH!) Oh well.
Maybe we'll get done early and not have to fight the evening traffic and
not spend 3 hours going 50 miles. (hahahahahah! right.)
Nicky (our umbrella cockatoo) was very (surprisingly) good today.
Normally he's a punk when I'm at home and not paying attention to him.
He's happy as pie right now too. He's standing on one foot in his cage,
puffed up like a cotton ball. Funny bird.
My tongue is sore from burning it on hot chinese food. Ouch.
current mood: tired
current music: Ida - Coupons
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Sunday, December 2nd, 2001
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10:24 am - new toons
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Last night I went with Jim to Rasputin's to trade in some CD's. (Jim was
doing it for cash to live on, I was doing it for credit). I turned in a
ton of old classical and Ska stuff. The Ska stuff was once worth gold to
me (as were my boots and my braces at the time), but times change.
Anyway, I got $87 in store credit. It actually took the guy longer to
process what I had traded in than it did or me to find $87 worth of
stuff to get. So here's what I got:
Aphex Twin - Drukqs
This is the only album I bought that I've heard before. I've had the
album on mp3 for a few months now and it's awesome. I really dig this
album a lot.
Ida - Tales of Brave
My friend Tim once left an Ida album at the apartment we lived in in
Tucson. I've been meaning to return it to him or years. It's one of the
most emotional albums I've ever heard. I thought they were dead and
living in out-of-print land. I passed by the Indie section and thought
"*Ida*" and sure enough, there they were. So I grabbed this album, never
heard it before but so far, it's great.
Radiohead - I Might Be Wrong (live)
Didn't even know this one was out. Saw it on an endcap and grabbed it
right away. Radiohead is quickly rising to become part of my top 5. This
is a great album.
Squarepuser Presents: Budakhan Mindphone
Squarepusher - My Red Hot Car
I haven't listened to either of these yet but I know they'll be good.
Squarepusher kicks ass. I picked these two because I'd never heard them
before and they're not part of the large-ish collection of Squarepusher
mp3's I have.
Starflyer 59 - Leave Here A Stranger
I love3d this band when I was in high school. They label themselves
"Shoe-Gazer Rock" and when I saw them live I understood why. They just
stood on stage staring at their feet. They have a nice, very heavy, very
slow sound.
Switchblade Symphony - The Three Calamities
While I was walking around the store they played a Switchblade song over
the PA and I thought, hey that might be cool. So far it's just ok.
Anyway, I'm off to rip all these discs into mp3s. Whee. FUCK THE RIAA.
current mood: hoppy
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Tuesday, November 27th, 2001
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1:05 am - another
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I want to connect with someone again. I think I've forgotten what being
close friends with Matt was like. I think it was as close as two people
could be without being romanticly involved. Sitting in the dark sharing
the emotion of sad and dark songs, sharing our deepest and darkest
secrets. Maybe someday...
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12:59 am - longing....
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For some reason there's a part of me that wants to be alone and lonely
on this cold winter night. I want the coldto suck me in and hold me. To
know that me is all I've got. It's a strange desire. I want to feel sad
again. Deep all-encompassing sadness, the kind that coats my soul in
black and inspires me. The "dark" emotions of the soul can be so
powerful and beautiful. I remember in earlier days relishing my
loneliness because in feeling that way I knew I was alive, down to the
bone, I could feel it. Very much like some of the skin carving I've
done in the past. That was almost ritualistic, near ecstacy at
sometimes. I easily slip back in time. To a time when I was young and
the world was full of wonder and emotion. I miss Tucson for these
reasons, though it was the place I was at in life not the place I
physically lived that created this for me. I can feel it coming on. I
want to dim the lights, drink deep, sink into several hours of The Cure
and rub my hands in charcoal and draw. Wake up in the morning and
discover disturbed drawings I have no recollection of.
I want to make clumsily drunken love, running hands thru
hair, tripping, stumbling to a hard floor, dark room, couch on the
porch, bathroom rug, rain drops falling hard, frenzied ripping of
clothes in front of a fireplace, phone sex, fumbling, tumbling.....and
miles away from home again...
From The Edge of the Deep Green Sea
The Cure
Every time we do this
I fall for her
Wave after wave after wave
It's all for her
I know this can't be wrong i say
(and i'll lie to keep her happy)
As long as i know that you know
That today i belong
Right here with you
Right here with you...
And so we watch the sun come up
From the edge of the deep green sea
And she listens like her head's on fire
Like she wants to believe in me
So i try
Put your hands in the sky
Surrender
Remember
We'll be here forever
And we'll never say goodbye...
I've never been so
Colourfully-see-through-head before
I've never been so
Wonderfully-me-you-want-some-more
And all i want is to keep it like this
You and me alone
A secret kiss
And don't go home
Don't go away
Don't let this end
Please stay
Not just for today
Never never never never never let me go she says
Hold me like this for a hundred thousand million days
But suddenly she slows
And looks down at my breaking face
Why do you cry? what did i say?
But it's just rain i smile
Brushing my tears away...
I wish i could just stop
I know another moment will break my heart
Too many tears
Too many times
Too many years i've cried over you
How much more can we use it up?
Drink it dry?
Take this drug?
Looking for something forever gone
But something
We will always want?
Why why why are you letting me go? she says
I feel you pulling back
I feel you changing shape...
And just as i'm breaking free
She hangs herself in front of me
Slips her dress like a flag to the floor
And hands in the sky
Surrenders it all...
I wish i could just stop
I know another moment will break my heart
Too many tears
Too many times
Too many years i've cried for you
It's always the same
Wake up in the rain
Head in pain
Hung in shame
A different name
Same old game
Love in vain
And miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Away from home again...
My absolute favorite Cure song of all time.....
current mood: dark
current music: From The Edge of the Deep Green Sea - The Cure
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12:30 am - The Cure
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This Green City
Someone's evil laugh shoots down my back
shapeless and ageing we start to run
through the tangle of your broken words
this cheap impulse falls so dry
In the maze. I burn down
turn...you turn my skin around
wishing my eyes could look down
down on me...
Stairs fall like jewels
as we near the door
you fold through my neck
and arms like crystal
so black, so black with charm and breath
we turn to face the dying sun...
This green city rains down on me
this green city rains down on me
I love these lyrics....`
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Saturday, November 24th, 2001
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11:13 am - haiku morning
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taras: i am alive. barely
taras: xml is choking me to death
taras: i may die at any minute
taras: here's i'll say it in haiku
taras:
taras: i'm barely alive
taras: xml is choking me
taras: i may die right now
taras:
unfurl: hehe
unfurl: here's my Saturday morning haiku:
unfurl:
unfurl: my bird is screaming
unfurl: cats are killing each other
unfurl: madness abounds here
unfurl:
taras: nice.
taras: here's my sat. morn one:
taras:
taras: i'm at my folks' house
taras: wrestling with unhappy code
taras: wishing i was baked
current mood: groggy
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Wednesday, November 21st, 2001
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10:23 am - mmmm unexplained bacon....
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This Bart Simpson Choclate and Peanut Butter cereal is great. A bit like
cap'n crunch in that it scrapes the roof of your mouth but they taste
good. Choclate/PB is one of my favorite flavors ever. Yum
I did a dumb thing yesterday. I chewed out an old friend over something
really stupid. She didnt deserve it, I was just really irratated. I sent
her a reply this morning apologizing. I don't even know what I hoped to
accomplish with my first email. *sigh* I hope she forgives me.
Last night we went for coffee as usual. I was fairly altered, a 8 out of
10, thanks to Mrs Bongworth. Of course we show up and it's open mike
night. That's really too much for a person to handle when twisted. It
was a carnival of crazy music, crazy visuals and crazy people. It was
fun but scary at times. There was one guy that was doing some visual
poetry. He was portraying the visual (and extremely loud audio) forms of
anger. He screamed for a good 10 minutes or so.
Today should be a lazy day. I think I'm going to work on the wall a bit
so we can try to get it finished this weekend. As soon as we finish the
wall we can move the large snake cage out of our bedroom and into the
living room making more space in there.
I think I'm going to work on some more music stuff today. Gescom is
really inspiring me. Damn, this album (Key Nell) is great.
current mood:  mellow
current music: Gescom - Key Nell
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Tuesday, November 20th, 2001
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8:08 pm - 'nother new track
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I just finished "Flux" tonight. I had been working on that one for the
past few weeks too.
Get it here (and tell me what you think...)
current mood: 8 on a 10 scale
current music: mine
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 17th, 2001
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7:05 pm - new song!
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I finally finished the track I've been working on for the past two
weeks. It's called "XEau" (don't ask) and I'm really happy with the way
it turned out. I had been using a Distortion+Rotary Speaker effect on
the drums and it was almost right. I spent the past 3 hours tweaking it
to use Distortion+Phaser and getting all the setting right and now it's
done!
If you want to grab it, click here.
Woohoo!
current mood: gleeful
current music: mine
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Friday, November 16th, 2001
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6:03 pm - fuck shit
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Thursday, November 15th, 2001
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8:14 am - sunrise pics
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Here are the pics from the sunrise a few days ago. I didnt use any
filters when taking these pics. Everything was glowing this bright
orange color.
The rest of the images are here.
current mood: groggy
current music: Charles Mingus - Dont be afraid, the clown's afraid too
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Wednesday, November 14th, 2001
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3:08 pm - grey
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This is an even better rainy day song. I love this song.
Grey
Ani Difranco
grey the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me
and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
and undertows pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
current mood: grey
current music: Ani Difranco - Grey
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2:57 pm - so what
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I don't know if I've posted this song before but it's a good rainy day
song. (today is a rainy day)
So What
Ani Difranco
so what who's gonna give a shit
who's gonna take the call
when you find out that the road ahead
is painted on a wall
and you're turned up to top volume
and you're just sitting there in pause
with your feral little secret
scratching at you with its claws
and you're trying hard to figure out
just exactly how you feel
before you end up parked and sobbing
forehead on the steering wheel
who are you now
and who were you then
that you thought somehow
you could just pretend
that you could figure it all out
the mathematics of regret
so it takes two beers to remember now
and five to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what
how many times undone
can one person be
as they're careening through the facade
of their favorite fantasy
you just close your eyes slowly
like you're waiting for a kiss
and hope some lowly little power
will pull you out of this
but none comes at first
and little comes at all
and when inspiration finally hits you
it barely even breaks your fall
who were you then
and who are you
now that you can't pretend
that you can figure it all out
subtract out the impact
and the fall is all you get
so it takes two beers to remember now
and three more to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what
i loved you
so what
current mood: somber
current music: Ani Difranco - So What
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2:05 pm - collective soul
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Wow. This song is almost too emotional to listen to. I dont know why. I
think it reminds me of my time in Seattle (I don't know why it does that
either)
The World I Know:
Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.
Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.
So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.
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1:54 pm - yes!
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Monday, November 12th, 2001
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1:51 pm - sunrise
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(13:46:20) Unfurl: the sunrise was amazing this morning
(13:46:30) Unfurl: I woke up and the room was filed with orange light
(13:46:35) Unfurl: it was very dreamlike
(13:46:59) Unfurl: I ran to the front window and it was like I was wearing yellow tinted glasses
(13:47:08) Unfurl: the grass looked bright green
(13:47:21) Unfurl: and everything was awash in orange/yellow light
(13:47:39) Unfurl: I ran outside and there was an amazing rainbow off in the west
(13:48:13) Unfurl: the most amazing thing was that it soon started raining and
washed away whatever was in the air and it became dusky morning again
Pictures to follow later.
current mood: happy
current music: Pink Floyd - Poles Apart
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