Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in T-Bear's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, November 14th, 2000
12:39 pm	Quicklike I figured I'd get a short little entry in here since I never know what's going to happen to me after I get to work. Things there have been rather interesting, though I haven't written about it. To put it in a nutshell, I'm being trained to be the Assistant Office Manager. Office Manager isn't planning on leaving or anything, but Big Bossman wants me crosstrained so I'll know everything that the Office Manager does. This way, if he ever does decide to up and quit, go on vacation, or call in sick, I can still get the reports and do the things needed for the office to keep it running smoothly. And on top of that training, Big Bossman has me helping him write an article for some motorcycle magazine about a trip he took up north. I'll be in the middle of a project and my phone will ring. Reach over, pull on the headset and say, "Yessir?" "Can you come in here please, Tasha?" (Now, my name is not Tasha, but that's another story for another time) "Sure thing. Be right there." Click, off goes the phone and I'm leaving my project to walk into his office. When I get there, it's usually something like what I'm about to type that follows. "Tasha? Can you help me with this sentence? I don't like the way it sounds." And he reads me the sentence and we spend the next hour dissecting the last paragraph or two that he's written. I tried to explain to him yesterday that he has to choose a single tense to write in, but he just couldn't grasp the concept. "Use descriptive phrases," I tell him and I get this blank look. When I explain, that blank look continues until I finally say, "You've got this written like this. If you write it like this, your readers will get a more defined and tangible picture of what you're trying to say." "Ooooooooooh! So you think this would sound better?" Gotcha, Bossman. Hey, at least he thinks I'm good for something other than data entry. I'm a walking, talking thesaurus and dictionary most of the time where he's concerned. He also knows I write for fun, so I guess that's another reason he hauls me in and gets me to help him. It's on the tip of my tongue to tell him to write the damned thing then hand it over to me for editing so I can fix the tense screwups, grammar, and punctuation. For a suit, he's woefully ignorant of the English language. I think today might actually be kind of calm at work. I know Bossman will have me helping with the article and I have a bunch of stuff to get caught up on since the marketing room last night kicked ass and took initials, they were moving so fast. Most of that had to do with Mama coming back and slamming the gavel down to get them to work. And then there were 7 new telemarketers and a slew of new leads. They jumped from 10 bookings on Friday to 52 last night. This is a good thing though it kept me busier than a one armed paper hanger in a windstorm. Made time go by more quickly, though. Am I going to go over to L~'s tonight? I have no idea. I won't know that until or unless he calls me at work and extends the invitation. Everyone will know I'm not home if I don't sign on around 11pm ET. I think, however, that situation will calm some now, too. I've worn him out pretty good. I guess it's a bad thing when a guy has sex so much that, when he jumps in the shower and gets himself wet, he feels raw. He's also hurt his back a little bit. Pardon me while I try to look innocent. I warned him that I was a hard one to deal with and, on top of that, that no man had ever been able to keep up with me. I can honestly say that L~ is the first who's come close to wearing me out as well. We both love it, though, I do believe. Anyway, Roomie's out of the shower now and just about ready to head off to work. If I'm around tonight, I'll update on this weekend. If not, I'll get to it as soon as I can. I promise! Current Mood: calm Current Music: Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - Mary Jane's Last Dance (Comment on this)
1:10 am	A Rare Appearance... Love when you can, cry when you have to Be who you must, that's a part of the plan Await your arrival with simple survival And one day we'll all understand ~ Dan Fogelberg, "Part of the Plan" Did someone say that they were missing me? Well, here I am for the first time since Thursday of last week. And it's all L~'s fault! Damn the man, but he's been keeping me more than occupied for the last several days. I expected to be home on Thursday night, but noooooo. He called me at work around 9:30pm and asked me if I wanted to come over. Of course I said sure, and headed over to his place after I got done. He surprised me again. In my last entry, I wrote that Roomie had said that he was betting that L~ was going through the same thing I was. Well, Roomie wasn't wrong. There I stood, waiting while L~ was making the bed, and he paused with the top sheet in his hands and stared at the wall before he spoke. Now, one thing you have to understand about L~ is that he's not afraid to look anyone in the eye when he says something. He just stared at the wall. "This is quite disconcerting. Quite disconcerting indeed," he said. "What is?" I asked in reply, watching him. "I find myself developing a very strong affection for you. It's quite disconcerting. Even people at work are noticing a difference in me," L~ responded. I just waited quietly for him to continue, and he did. He explained to me that he'd been happy at work, joking around in a manner previously unknown to those he works with. And at odd times, he'd just pause in whatever he was doing and think I'll have to try that one on her. Apparently he's been thinking about me quite a bit and, though it's disturbing to him, he hasn't said he doesn't like that fact. As for me, I get smacked at odd intervals with thoughts of him. I'll be working studiously on something for the company and suddenly look at my watch only to think, "He's probably on his way to work right now." Or I'll catch myself staring at the corkboard in front of my desk musingly with a memory of something that happened with him drifting through my head. And what's really bad is that I think he and I have developed more than a little bit of a connection. What do I mean by that? On a week's proximity to each other, we're already completing each other's sentences. We're doing things for each other before the other asks without realizing that the request had just popped into the other's mind. I seem to have clutzy episodes at about the same times that he thinks of certain ... interesting ... things. On top of all of that, there are times when I'll be sitting there on the couch at his place just staring into space and he'll just turn and look at me for a minute. When our eyes lock, it's like we don't need to speak. And, God, does he expressive eyes. Dark brown, they are, but they change and you can read them once you know what to look for. I'm not in any way proficient yet, but there are just some things you can't mistake. What bothers me about that is the fact that I told him back during that first weekend that, should a connection develop like that, it'd mean that I had fallen in love with him. Sigh. I'll have to write about this weekend another time, though. This tired T-Bear must go get some sleep. I'm still hurting pretty badly from spending yesterday (Sunday) at Busch Gardens. Now that is an interesting story, and I'll certainly write it up soon! Current Mood: tired Current Music: Siouxsie & The Banshees - Kiss Them For Me (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 9th, 2000
12:06 am	Thank you... And I want to thank you For giving me the best day of my life And, oh, just to be with you Is having the best day of my life ~ Dido, "Thank You" I honestly don't know how things could go any more strangely for me. Happiness like this is a foreign concept to me and it scares the ever loving crap out of me. As I wrote in my last short little entry, L~ called me Tuesday morning just as I was getting ready to get up and get ready for work. It was an unexpected call, on the whole, and entirely out of character for him according to Brooklyn and Miss New York when I told them about it. Brooklyn's been friends with L~ for ages and probably knows him the best out of everyone that we mutually know. Brooklyn's also always been straight up with me regarding anything we talk about which is why I respect him so much. He's young - younger than me - but he grew up on the streets of Brooklyn, literally. That's why I refer to him as that here. He knows so much in so small a time frame, and I respect his street knowledge even if I feel like reaching out and smacking him silly sometimes. Miss New York knows L~ fairly well, too. She told me on Monday not to expect him to call due to the fact that he'd always stated that - after a blissful time with Connie, and no response in the days afterward - he'd just let her stew and wait for her to call him. That's one of the reasons I decided to call on Monday night even though I got hung up on by his roommate. When I told him about that, he was like, "Shit!" then told me that he'd wished I'd called his beeper as I'd thought of but decided against. When I told Miss New York that he called Tuesday morning, her jaw dropped open and her eyes got huge in her face. "No! He didn't!" she stated in a rather startled, questioning tone. When I assured her that he had, she shook her head and said, "That is so unlike L~. He doesn't do that!" When he called on Tuesday morning, it was like an adrenaline shot for me. I couldn't help but smile and crawl back into bed with the little wrestling beanie bear (The Undertaker of all wrestling personas) he gave me before I left on Monday morning to go to work. We talked for a while about how I'd called and how he'd tried to call but my line'd been busy because I was on the 'net. Then he proceeded to say, "This is highly unusual for me to do, especially on a Tuesday following an incredibly wonderful weekend, but I was wondering if you wanted to pack a bag and come over again tonight?" I paused for a second and chuckled quietly, and he went on to say, "Again, I'll get Steve to take you to work so you'll have a way there. And if Roomie won't bring you over here, I'll find a way to come pick you up." Of course, I told him yes. So I packed my backpack with the stuff I'd need for work and a few extraneous things since he'd told me to bring my "toy" (read vibrator) and an adventurous spirit with me, and went off to work. I called and left a voice mail on his beeper, because he was going out that afternoon and I wasn't sure where to catch him, after I got to work to let him know that Roomie'd agreed to drive me over and he called back at work to talk for a little bit. I think I talked to him a grand total of four times on Tuesday after I got to work. Roomie ended up bailing from work early after talking to L~, so he came to work with Steve to pick me up. Once I got back to his place, it was ... interesting. Again, we sat there and talked for several hours just to learn about each other. He told me more of his experiences in life and asked me to tell him "something I don't already know about T." So I told him a few things about myself and we talked some more. He asked me if I'd brought my toy with me and I nodded and went to get it. When I handed it over, he stunned me completely by laughing and playing with the damned thing! "Oh neato! Check this out! It's reversible!" He wasn't intimidated by it in the least, and had me all but rolling on the floor laughing with him. The night went by slowly, but too quickly for my mind. We ended up going to bed around 1am and finally got to sleep about 6:30am after he teased me mercilessly. That man is ... incredible. Just incredible. He got me doing things I never imagined myself doing and enjoying the hell out of it. Experimentation is a way of life for him, and it's one I'm definitely coming to enjoy myself. As shy as I am, he helps me to break free of that and actually likes the fact that I'm not insanely aggressive. "You know, if you'd been aggressive that first night and not somewhat shy as you were, I probably would've just used you and set you aside," he told me. "So don't consider your shyness a detriment. It's actually quite endearing and I like it." And yes, he really does talk that way. The intelligence factor in this man is off the charts. Way off the charts. He did something today, too, that was mildly surprising. On Monday, when I got out of the car to go into work, he didn't make any move to touch me or kiss me and we just said goodbye, then I went into work. Today, when I got out of the car and was moving around him to head into the office, he leaned his head down and to the side before I could clear him so we could kiss. It was an innocent kiss, but a kiss none-the-less and something he hadn't done in front of anyone else before. He'd even told me on Friday, in our first "getting to know you" conversation that he wasn't physically demonstrative in public. So that kiss, as light and quick as it was, was definitely a surprise. If I had to analyze him and his behavior, I'd swear that he'd never run across anyone quite like me before. I'm a strange mixture of extremely independent and little-girl need. I want to do for myself for the most part, but at some particular times I want - almost need - to feel like I've got that super hero watching over me. He can't catagorize me, as he's told me before, and it intrigues him. I think I appeal to that super hero, Norse god on a mountaintop male inside of him while at the same time appealing to the man who doesn't want the type of female that demands every little thing from him. I talked to Brooklyn a little bit today about Sunday night when we all went out to Boston Lobster Feast. I asked him what it was that had him so befuddled and disoriented. He told me that he'd never seen L~ like that with anyone before. That his behavior wasn't normal for him, nor was mine what he usually saw for me. Brooklyn told me that he thought we'd make an excellent couple, but that he'd have to wait and see when the new wore off how we were around each other. Roomie's saying he gets to plan my wedding. Miss New-Rican says she gets to be in the wedding. Miss New York is still too amused and just shakes her head and chuckles. What do I say? God, am I scared!! I spent all day at work today analyzing the feelings that are starting to become prominent and my stomach was in knots. I felt like I had a fist lodged not only in my throat but also in my gut. How could I be feeling this for a salesman, and a damned good one at that? How could I be letting myself grow attached to this ... I don't want to use the word "player" because it's not quite accurate, but this free spirit? It just doesn't make sense to me that I could even think about any kind of romantic attachment to someone who has played the field so widely and for so long. It's insane. Completely and totally insane. But in so many ways, he's my match ... at least so far as I've seen. He kissed me right the first time. Whenever we have sex, he's always more concerned about me having an orgasm than him having one. He encourages me to speak of things that get stuck in my throat and has the patience to wait for me or reassure me when I studder or blush. He's not afraid to tell me things that he wants to see or do. We're both brutally honest to the point of tactlessness sometimes. We were talking last night about this, that, and the other, and somehow it came around to me making the statement, "I'm not easy to offend. I do get hurt easily sometimes, but it's very difficult to actually offend me." I couldn't say to just anyone face to face ... I've never said that to anyone face to face that I've been involved with. I also told him quite frankly that I think he's incredibly dangerous to me. I explained, then, that it wasn't that I was afraid of him ... far from it. Humor will understand this little tidbit the best, I think, in regards to the trust aspect for me. There have been times, when we've been having sex, that he's wrapped his hands around my throat and squeezed at my carotid arteries to cut the bloodflow to my brain to heighten sensation. It's an incredibly dangerous thing to do if you don't know what you're doing, and something that would scare the loving fuck out of most people. I wouldn't have trusted anyone I've known before to do that. I'd've fought, kicked, screamed, and generally run like hell away from them. Not him. Why he's dangerous to me, as I told him, is because I could fall for him. That's all I told him, but in my head I added, I could not only fall, but I could fall hard, fast, and irrevocably for the first time in my life. There's something about this man, even on such short close acquaintance, that draws me to him like a moth to a flame. And now I have a small idea of why. Y'see, Roomie has a book on astrology. A very good book on astrology. I don't let those things govern my life, but I find it interesting to take a look and see what it has to say. I'm a Leo born in the dead center of the sign - 2nd Decadent. Leo is "ruled" by the Sun as the primary planet. The 2nd Decandent is subruled by Jupiter. L~ is a Sagittarius born in the 3rd Decandent. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. The 3rd Decandent is subruled by the Sun. Pardon me while I shriek. Okay. I feel better now. Yeah, right. As if. I think I'm going to go nuts ... just flat out insane. I think, right now, I'm going to open up a Word document and start writing out a letter that's been brewing in my head ever since I left work. I've had a suspicion for the last several days and through the last conversations that L~ and I have had that he wants me to fall in love with him. If I'm not careful, extremely careful, I think I just might. Why does that piss me off? I'll tell you why. I don't want to fall in love, damn it!! Roomie told me today at lunch, "You're falling for him, aren't you?" I nodded. "I think so." "And you're not going to tell him for a very long time." He had a dead straight face when he said it and looked me in the eye. I had to laugh. I couldn't help it. "Am I wrong?" he asked me. "No. You're dead on, Roomie. Dead on," I told him. "You want to know what I think?" he continued. I nodded again while covering my mouth with a hand and trying not to cry. "I think he's going through the same damned thing you are. He's probably sitting there right now thinking about this same thing and getting twisted up, too." I almost cried. Roomie's perceptions have been dead on all along for me and everyone else he's known when he gets to talking about things like this. I trust his judgement and discernment. But in this case, I don't want it to be so. I don't want to fall in love for the first time in my life. I'm finally happy by myself. Which means, I suppose, that it was inevitable that I meet L~ again now. The Fates are toying with me, I just know it. I can resist the Fates, but damned if I've ever been able to win. Something tells me I'm not going to win this time either. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Heart - Magic Man (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2000
12:58 pm	Only two words... L~ CALLED!!!!! Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment | Comment on this)
2:49 am	A Strange Turn of Events II [Continued from A Strange Turn of Events] He likes anime, and we got into a bit of a discussion on that. Our senses of humor are very similiar. Our penchant to switch from playful to serious in a breath is almost identical. He doesn't drink since he's a recovering alcoholic that's been dry for 16 and a half years, and I only drink on occasion due to the fact that I know I'm an alcoholic and come from a long line of them. He cooks. He reads. He's incredibly intelligent to the point of being staggering to most people. Role playing is a love for both of us, though he's never played online and doesn't know much about computers at all. Now here's where a bit of the funny part comes in. The surprise in his voice when I said I didn't have a significant other was because he'd always thought that Roomie and I were some sort of couple. He knew that Roomie liked men, but thought that he was probably bi and hooked up with me as well. I cleared that up rather quickly and had to smile at having to explain to him the nature of my relationship with Roomie. There've been little comments thrown at both of us over the weekend that gave us both pause. One was when we went out to dinner with Brooklyn and his wife Sunday night. Brooklyn kept watching L~ rather oddly, and then really oddly when it came to the end of the meal and L~ asked me if I wanted anything else. We'd gone to Boston Lobster Feast, so the dessert buffet was out and everything. L~ had mentioned cheesecake earlier, so I told him he'd talked me into it. He nodded once, waved a hand at me and said, "You stay here. I'll get it." Brooklyn's eyes followed L~ as he got out of the booth even as Brooklyn's wife's eyes turned on him with both brows arched. Brooklyn shook his head and muttered, "Damn, but he's making me look bad." His wife just pursed her lips a little, and I bet there was a bit of a talk about that a little later on because the entire gist of the exchange was that Brooklyn had never done that for his wife. And apparently it wasn't something that L~ did on a regular basis either. A little later, when Brooklyn stopped to get gas and was getting out of the car, he said to both of us, "I'm really glad you two are together. You make a good couple," and then he slipped out of the car. L~ looked at me and said, "I have a question for you." I made that normal little hmmm? sound I make when I register something but don't consider words necessary, and L~ asked me, "Are we together? I mean, did I miss something here and we jumped into 'together' without me realizing it?" I smiled a bit and shook my head. "If we're together, then it happened without me realizing it either. I don't think you missed anything." L~ nodded and sat up again since he'd leaned his seat back to look at me, then got out of the car to wash Brooklyn's windshield. He and Brooklyn were joking around about how L~ should go over and wash some lady's car windows before she could get out of the store, but L~ didn't do it. He went inside as well to ask the cashier something and Brooklyn told me, "He's behaving because you're here. You know that, don't you?" I turned and looked out the window at Brooklyn and asked, "This isn't normal behavior for him?" "Nope. If you weren't here, he probably would've just gone over there and washed those windows without a second thought." That gave me a pause for thought. From the things I'd been gleaning from L~ himself, Brooklyn, one of L~'s friends that I've known remotely for several years, and my own instincts, something about being around me was changing L~ but for the better. It surprised me and made me withdraw a little to think. And then there's the conversation that I had with Roomie at lunch today. That one was a kick to the gut. Roomie has a perception, an insight that is rarely wrong. When he gets an instinct regarding someone, it comes to pass as truth within short order 99% of the time. I asked him what he thought about the situation I found myself in now, and he paused for a second, then looked at me strangely and said, "Are you sure you want to know?" I told him yes, that I trusted his judgement and that I truly wanted to hear what he had to say because I knew he wouldn't lie to me. "Weeeeeeell," he started in a hesitant tone. "C~ and I actually talked about this somewhat last night. You didn't say too much when you came home to grab some stuff, and C~ asked if you were moving out. I couldn't answer him because you'd said as much to me as you had to him. From the impression I get ... " and he paused for a long time here while I just waited. Finally, he continued again, " ... I don't think you'll be living with me much longer." Can you say sucker-punch to the gut? I reared back, blinked and stared for a second. "Are you serious?" Roomie just nodded. I have my doubts. Very serious doubts. Maybe that's just because I'm scared to death that Roomie could be right. L~ made no bones about the fact that he wouldn't mind seeing how a relationship would work between us, but I don't see how it would work. I'm a very monogomous person. Right now I don't expect anything out of L~ other than, perhaps, a phone call letting me know if he wants to see me again. I don't know if I'll get that phone call, though. He'd asked my opinion earlier in the weekend about a woman that called him after not hearing from her for several weeks. It seemed that this woman had been one he'd dated briefly, slept with once, and then basically gave the brush off. As he put it, "How many times would you call after I'd told you I'd call and didn't?" He explained the entire situation to me, and this woman seems to be a little bit obsessed with him even though he's blown her off several times by not returning her calls, playing that he wasn't home, or telling her he'd call her and then not doing it. I told him, "I'd probably not call back after the first brush off. If you blow me off once, you'll do it again and again, and I'm not willing to deal with that or put myself through it." He got a very thoughtful look on his face and nodded. That's the hard thing right now. I'd been debating with myself most of the day as to whether I should call him or not to thank him for this weekend. When I did finally pick up the phone after work and call, one of his roommates answered the phone and I asked for him. After waiting for about a minute or two, no one came back onto the line, but I heard a click and knew the phone had been hung up. I'd also seen him, all weekend, check the caller id to see who was calling before he picked up the phone. If it was someone he wanted to talk to, he'd pick it up, otherwise he'd just let it ring. So, I guess I just wait and see. He has my phone numbers, and if he wants to talk to me, he'll call, I guess. If not, it was still one incredible weekend the likes of which I probably won't see repeated. I think I can honestly say, though, that I'll be disappointed if I don't hear from him again. It wouldn't surprise me, but it'd still be disappointing. As much as I'm afraid of it ... I think I'd like to see where this could go. Roomie's still convinced that L~ and I are going to end up in a relationship. Brooklyn seems to want it for us as well. And one thing keeps running through my head that L~ said during the course of the weekend: "Brooklyn's been waiting ... for years ... for someone like you to come into my life." Damn, I wish I knew how sincere he was about the things he said or if they were all just lines to get what he wanted out of me. He's a salesman. He's slick with words. He can sound sincere when he's lying through his teeth. We'll see what happens. We'll see. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Robert Plant - In the Mood (Comment on this)
1:59 am	A Strange Turn of Events Love, it seems, tonight is sworn to your command. Prisoner in your arms of love, captive in your hands. How're you feeling inside? Oh, you are the enchanter. Thrill me all through the night, Fantasy in the desert. ~ Robert Plant, "Nirvana" Sometimes life takes the strangest twists right when you're not expecting it. I know I wasn't expecting what was to happen this weekend, though I do have a bit of confusion in regards to it. No matter what happens, however, I have had one of the most incredible weekends of my entire life, and I can say that without qualm, without a single regret, and without an iota of guilt. It all started Friday night. I was a bit down on Thursday due to the funeral I had to attend - in a Catholic Church no less - and had been more than a little crazy at work that same day. Whenever you get struck in the face full bore not only by your mortality but also by the religion you abandoned several years ago, it leaves its mark whether you like it or not. So as a result, I was in less than a jovial mood on Friday. I was still trying to recover from the torrent of emotions that I'd been dealt by the hands of Fate and a little quieter than normal. And then my extention at work rang at about 7:30pm, I guess. "Thank you for calling. This is T. How may I help you?" "Well, hello there," a rather baritone male voice responded. "Do you have any idea who this might be?" I thought for a moment and wracked my brain for any face that would fit the voice. I came up with one or two names, both of which were wrong, and finally confessed that the caller had me at a loss. He proceeded to make a few comments that got me to laughing, and I leaned back in my chair to ponder just who it could be. "I'll give you a hint. Who always managed to make you laugh?" he asked. "I have no idea. You've got me at a complete loss." "It's L~, T," he told me while chuckling. My response? "Oh my God! L~!! How're you doing, man? I haven't talked to you in ages!" You see, L~ had worked at Epic when I was brought in, and we'd talked every once in a while on the odd cigarette break or whatnot. Nothing in particular, but he had always managed to make me laugh. About four months ago, he left before they could fire him for coming damned close to rearranging the Prick's face for him. He didn't actually touch the Prick, but L~ is intimidating. About 5'10", 180 lbs of powerful Sicilian personality, ego, and daring - not to mention pure fury at that point - facing down the Prick, a twerp that's all of about 5'7" and 130 lbs soaking wet with cement shoes on. He told me this weekend that the only reason he didn't jump the Prick that night was because he knew it would end up going to court, and he didn't feel like trying to explain to the judge why someone his size had decided to beat the ever loving crap out of someone the Prick's size. It just wasn't worth it. Anyway, we got to talking back and forth. L~ being the way he is, the flirting just came second nature and we fell back into the pattern that we'd always had at work when he'd been there. Then he popped a new question on me. "Hey, do you have a significant other?" I paused for a second, chuckled and said in a rather drawn out manner, "Noooooooo." "You don't?" He sounded surprised on the other end and I was to find out why later on, but that's for later telling. "No, I don't," I responded. "But last I heard you did." "Excuse me? I do?" "Yeah. At least the last I knew you were involved with someone." "Oh! If you're talking about Connie, no. Not any more. We parted ways about three or four months ago." And then a pause while I tried to cool the blush that had crept to my face due to the nature of the conversation. I failed miserably when he asked, "So, what are you doing tonight after work?" "Eh?" That was all I could get out before I chuckled and responded a little better. "Probably nothing much. Why?" "Well, you want to go out for a drink or something?" Pause. Huh? Did he just ask me out? "Uhhh. Who's buying?" "Well, considering I did the asking, I guess I'd be the one buying now, wouldn't I?" he responded. I chuckled and shook my head, though he couldn't see it. "I guess I'd be saying okay, then." He paused for a second, then in a thoughtful tone said, "You think I'm joking, don't you?" Caught, I laughed and admitted that I did think he was kidding. By this time my face was as flame red as the shirt I was wearing. I'm not accustomed to being asked out in any way, shape, or form. It's been almost 10 months since I left Georgia, and before that, no one had ever really asked me out on a date. Knowing only the reputation L~ had, I thought he had to be joking. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not kidding. What time do you get off work? 9pm? 9:30pm?" Cue mental groan here and a drop of my forehead into my hand. I couldn't stop the fit of nervous laughter that hit me, but I managed to work out, "Tonight, I'll probably get out of here between 10pm and 10:30pm." Then it got around to transportation. Y'see, due to some problems with the state of New York, he doesn't have a license or a car. That is being remedied even as we speak, but still ... he has no license or car. I have no car. So that posed a bit of a problem. He told me that, should he be able to get his hands on a vehicle, we'd still go out that night. I didn't bet on it, but hey, it was pleasant to be asked out anyway and I was still shocked over it when he asked to talk to Brooklyn. He'd actually called to talk to Brooklyn, but got sidetracked when he was heard my voice on the other end of the line. I put him on hold and got up to go get Brooklyn, who was on the telemarketing floor. Brooklyn took one look at my face and both brows shot up. I just said, "Brooklyn, L~'s on the phone for you," and hooked my thumb and pinky finger up against the side of my face to mime holding a phone. Brooklyn got up and walked over to me and gave me a double-take. "You okay, T?" I nodded and stepped outside to have a cigarette since Brooklyn would be on my phone talking to L~. Brooklyn came out to join me when he was done, gave me a sideways look and said, "You were on the phone with him for ten minutes before you came and got me. What's up?" I couldn't help myself. I just looked at Brooklyn, face flaming again, and said, "He asked me to go out with him tonight." Brooklyn blinked, cocked his head and then shook it before his lit his own smoke. "You gonna go?" "Yeah, I guess so if he can work out the transportation thing," I answered. He gave me a ration about it for a while - Brooklyn and L~ are really close friends - and then asked me if I'd seriously consider dating L~. All I could do was shrug and say that I probably would. I mean, I liked him and everything, but never thought of him in that manner. Never really thought I'd have any sort of chance nor that I was his type. Well, things calmed down again and I went back in to go to work. Not five minutes after I get back to my data entry, I hear Brooklyn hollering, "T!! Come out here for a second!" I, of course, sighed and got up to walk back outside through the telemarketing room. I step out onto the stairs and looked for Brooklyn, and he just pointed to a couple of forms walking across the parking lot toward Roomie's new car. My face flared again when I saw it was L~ and Roomie with one of L~'s roommates as well. I turned and muttered, "Jesus, Brooklyn! You coulda warned me!" He just laughed and told me that he'd wanted to see the look on my face. L~, Roomie, Brooklyn and L~'s roommate stood out there for a little bit talking - mainly me and L~ bantering back and forth. After a little bit, I decided to go back into work and bid farewell to L~ thinking that I wouldn't hear from him again that night. I sat down at my desk and was doing my thing, concentrating with singular attention on my tasks as is my wont, when I caught a bit of a movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and over my shoulder once without really seeing who it was, then did a double-take because it was L~ standing there - and Humor, you'll get a hell of a kick out of this - with his thumbs tucked into his jeans' belt loops, legs spraddled about shoulder width apart, and the strangest little smile on his lips. I smiled back to him and he said he'd just come back to let me know that he was leaving and to say goodbye. We said our goodbyes and he left only for me to sit there at my desk for a few minutes wondering just what the hell was going to happen now. After a few minutes, Roomie came back to go into his office and glanced over at me. "You going out with L~ tonight?" he asked me. "I don't know. He didn't say anything about it, so I guess we'll wait and see if I hear from him." I followed Roomie back into his office and parked it on his couch for a second. "Do you think he's serious?" Roomie looked at me, quirked a little grin and shrugged. Big lot of help he was. He knew L~ about as well as I did, and wasn't sure himself, but he said we'd wait and see just like I'd said earlier. We got into talking about how I couldn't believe he'd asked me out and that I didn't figure I was his type. Roomie, both brows arched, said, "You've not seen the women he's dated, have you?" I shook my head, and he told me, "In comparison to the others, you're downright anorexic, T." That stopped me for a second. I'm 5'3" and, the last time I weighed myself, was about 200 lbs. Proportionate, but fat all the same. We talked about it a little bit, then I nodded and just about wrote it off as a lost situation to go back to work. Brooklyn had shut down the room a half hour early, so I was finishing up my reports about 9:30pm when my extension rang again. I normally don't answer my phone after 9pm unless I'm expecting a call, so I looked at my phone for a second and considered. I figured I had some time left that I had to work anyway and, since it just might be L~ ... though I didn't want to admit that was a part of it at the time ... I picked it up. It was L~ again. He couldn't get his hands on a vehicle, but he'd wanted to talk to me again and see if we could work something out. He was going to be home all night and, if I wanted to, I could come over and hang out for a while. If I wanted to stay, he had a couch and a bed - my choice which I'd like to sleep on - and he'd get me home Saturday morning. My first thought: If I accept, he's going to expect something. I'll be walking into a distinctly intimate situation. It gave me a moment's pause and I didn't answer right away. We continued talking for a bit, then he mentioned it again. I knew his reputation and just had a feeling that I'd be walking into a place where I could end up in quite a pickle. But then Brooklyn's voice and Roomie's voice came into my head telling me that he was a good guy, respectful, and quite the gentleman. Considering how protective Roomie is of me, and Brooklyn too for that matter, I took the gamble and asked where he lived. He started giving me directions and I told him to hold up and talk to Roomie. Needless to say, Roomie got directions and it was solidified. I'd be going over there to spend some time Friday night. L~ and I talked for about a half hour on the phone and, when I hung up, I turned around, walked into Roomie's office, parked it on the couch and said point blank, "Am I being stupid?" "What do you mean?" Roomie asked me. "I know I've known L~ for a while and everything, but am I really going over to his place tonight? Did I really just agree to that?" Roomie chuckled and said, "Hey, I bet you'll get some nook-nook out of it!" I just snorted and blushed, then shook my head. "I'm not going over there for that, and you know it." Roomie just gave me one of those looks and grinned. "I'm not!" The grin just got wider. I shook my head and got up, still muttering, "I can't believe I'm doing this. I just can't believe it." Well, I did. Roomie made sure I had his cell number and everything in the case of an emergency, and we headed over there. We got to L~'s place and Roomie and I parked it in his living room for a while. While we were talking back and forth, Roomie nudged me and said, "T, look." I looked where he was pointed, and there on the floor, sheathed quite neatly, was a full sized katana. I blinked and cooed, making grabby-grabby motions at it, then looked at L~. "May I?" L~ nodded and reached down to pick it up and hand it over to me. He told me I could unsheathe it if I wanted and I did so. It had no edge on it - "It's not edged because I don't want to kill anyone with it. It's just for personal protection, and it'll cause enough pain without the cutting edge if someone gets in here and I have to go for it," L~ told me - but it was a fine piece of craftsmanship. Watered steel, black wrapped hilt, gorgeous sheath, and I just drooled. Delicately, I sheathed it again and held it back out to L~ and he put it back in its place. Through the course of the conversation we had while Roomie was there, I found out several things that L~ and I had in common. We're both of French-Canadian descent though he has a bit of Dutch in him as well. Both raised Catholic. Both had an interest in D&D; - he was one of the original "official" TSR Dungeon Masters when TSR first came out with D&D; - and role playing in general. Roomie took his leave shortly thereafter, and it left me and L~ to our own devices. We talked constantly, or rather I let him talk and I listened. There're a few other things that I have to interject here. I love to role play online because of the imagination it takes and the constant interaction with different types of people. There are certain things I like about each of the male characters I encounter and the ones I play as well. There are certain things about the players that I like as well. For the Drow that's one of Di's friends, I love the voice of the player and the character himself - Malice. L~'s voice sounds a hell of a lot like Malice's player's voice ... and here was the kicker that totally flipped me out. L~ has a persona that he puts on from time to time that's a rather acerbic, sarcastic, and altogether frightening persona to most people. That persona's name is Captain Malice. So, here we have a persona and a player in one that combined the two things I liked most about the Drow and his player. I've always taken more to the self-confident - almost egotistical - male characters out there. They have a soft side, but it's not one that everyone sees. Most have a very dry wit and a tendency toward the not-so-subtle approaches. The more I talked to L~, the more I felt like I was being faced with a real-life conglomeration of those male characters. Not like L~ had multiple personalities, not at all, but all of those qualities were being tossed out without his realizing it and making me blink and stare off into space as each realization hit me. I didn't miss the role playing at all due to the fact that I felt like I was in the middle of one while I was sitting there talking to L~. His imagination was incredible, his capacity to make me laugh unparalleled, his vocabulary astounding, his experiences so vast and interesting as to keep me avidly listening without pause, and the force of his personality in and of itself made me smile. There was no doubting that this male was exactly that ... nothing but a pure male. We sat up in the living room talking and drinking coffee until about 3:00am Friday night when he told me that he'd do one thing he'd promised me on the phone - give me a true back massage. Warning bells went off, but I have an ability when I'm not sure of something to completely close myself off and not react. I laid down on the floor, pulled my shirt off, unhooked my bra and settled down on my stomach. There was more than one signal during the massage that he wouldn't mind it going further, but as I stated earlier, I closed myself off to them. I just ... didn't react. I didn't go cold or frigid or anything ... I wasn't afraid of him ... I just laid there. He backed off and got me a shirt to wear. After a while, we got into more discussion and he was very blunt and honest with me. He wanted to have sex with me, he told me. I blinked and just looked at him for a little bit, clammed up. How does one respond to something like that without looking like an absolute fool? I couldn't say no because I really didn't want to, but I couldn't say yes either because that just wasn't in me. I couldn't do it. And let the seduction begin. It's incredibly odd how blantant honesty and a baritone voice to rattle your bones when it's used in a rather low pitch can combine to calm you down. Nervous, yes. I definitely was that. But as the conversation - incredibly open and honest - continued, I relaxed more and more. I still couldn't bring myself to say yes outright, but then something happened that just tweaked my trigger hardcore. I've always said that I'd know the guy I belonged with by the way he kissed me the first time. No matter what happened, I just knew deep down inside that the one to kiss me just the way I liked it without any foreknowledge of coaching would be the one I'd end up sticking with. When he kissed me, my mind blanked. I know it sounds like romance novel stuff, but I can't explain it any other way. It was just ... right. Without getting graphic, I'll just say that never before have I been kissed in such a manner nor with such gentleness out of man that so many thought coarse, sometimes even crude, and brash. He stands out in a crowd no matter what he does because of his admitted over-confidence in himself. People are, by turns, insulted, angered, intimidated, and frightened by L~'s personality. Some hate him on sight. Some think he's a flat out asshole. He may be all that, but with me he was gentle ... at first. I ended up staying Friday night ... and Saturday night ... and Sunday night. The classic situation was on Sunday when Brooklyn called L~ to invite him out to dinner. I was sitting right there while L~ was talking to Brooklyn, and suddenly L~ said, "Hang on a second," and held the phone out to me while mouthing who he was talking to. I nodded, took the phone and said, "Hey there, bud." Dead silence on the other end of the line. "Brooklyn? You there?" "Oh ... my ... God! T?!" And a laugh like I've never heard from Brooklyn before; absolute and total stunned amazement. I found out a little later that Brooklyn had just asked how things went Friday night and if L~ had gotten my phone number. That's when L~ held the phone out to me so I could talk to Brooklyn. It completely flabbergasted the guy, and I've never seen or heard him so thoroughly speechless before. That happened to quite a few people over the course of the weekend. I told you that L~ has a reputation. I wasn't kidding. He admitted it himself. He's not exactly a player, but he's a free spirited man. He's had his share of women and then some. From what he's said and I've heard from Brooklyn, this past weekend was totally out of character for him. Most of the women he deals with he'll take to bed and then they'd either leave just after the fact or early the next day. He's not the type who kept a woman there for an extended period of time like he did with me. And it was at his invitation, not anything else. He offered to get me home Saturday, but said he'd like it if I stayed the night again. Then when Sunday came around, he asked me if I wanted to go home or stay again. He'd make sure I got to work today if I decided I wanted to stay. I asked him if he wanted me to, and he said yes. That he would like me to be there Sunday night as well. So I stayed. One of his roommates - he lives in a quadruplex, I guess you could say, with 3 other people - came by on Saturday and again on Sunday. L~ looked at me this morning after I was finishing getting ready for work and said, "Renny likes you, y'know." I blinked at him and quirked a brow. "How do you know that?" "I live with the guy. I know him, and I know he likes you." "Really? But what makes you say that?" "The way he was acting to you. With everyone that's been here before, except for Nancy (one of his very good female friends), he's aloof and standoffish. The way he talked to you alone, not to mention the way he just warmed to you, tells me he really likes you." The tone of his voice indicated that not only was he mildly surprised by that but also that he was more than a little surprised that I hadn't noticed. One of his ex-girlfriends, the one that he broke up with a few months ago named Connie, stopped by this weekend as well. I wasn't too enthused by the idea of meeting her, but not out of jealousy or anything. It was a matter of wondering how uncomfortable it would be to have this woman in the same room as myself and L~ after the things we had already done. It wasn't as bad as it could've been, I'll grant you that. He'd warned me that she might hit on me since she was bi, but I had to chuckle at one point. We were talking about how I had to get my hair done again due to the fact that I now have streaks of black, red, and blonde going through it enough to make me look like a calico cat. "Have you ever thought of having highlights done?" Connie asked me. I told her that I'd had it done once before, but that I had to see about getting my hair all one color first, then go for the highlights. "You have very pretty eyes. Gorgeous eyes, actually. I think highlights would work beautifully on you," she continued. The look on L~'s face was hysterical. His face kind of went blank, then he nudged Connie with an elbow and said, "Hey! Quit hitting on my date!" Connie looked over at him with both brows arched and he went on to say, "Yo. If you're going to be acting like a man, I'm going to treat you like one. Quit hitting on my date!" I couldn't help but chuckle. Now I'm just confused, though. L~ says one of the things that intrigues him is the fact that he can't read me. It's not so much that I send mixed signals, but more that he can't tell what I'm thinking at a given point. "What're you thinking?" He was saying that much more to me than I to him this weekend. It's not that I can read him any better than he can read me, it's just that I'm not prone to asking questions. I was just content to let things go as they were. We discussed relationships ... and many other things that I've not told very many people at all ... and had some very interesting dialogue on many many subjects. He confuses me, though. I don't want to fall in love. I don't want a relationship. I'm just getting my life onto the track I want it to be on, and I don't want it to change as yet. I'm enjoying my independence. But damned if I can't get the impression out of my head that, if I'm not extremely careful, I'm going to end up in over my head. When we were discussing relationships, he made the comment to me that he seemed far more amenable to the possibility of a relationship than I was. He also made comments through the entire weekend like he was expecting me to latch onto him and be jealous of his associations with other women. I told him point blank that I wasn't there to cage him. I also told him that I had no right to be jealous. I have no hold on him at all. Somehow I got the feeling that he wanted me to do something like that. Maybe it would've put me in a category he could understand more easily. There was one other thing I said to him in relation to the relationship thing when he mentioned that he seemed more amenable to it than I was. I told him, "You don't seem the type to be ready to settle down. On top of that, you've told me that you don't like jealousy or the possessiveness. If I'm in a monogomous relationship that's serious in any manner, I do get jealous. I do get possessive at times. Those are qualities you don't like." "I'm 40 years old, T," he replied. "I wouldn't mind settling down with the right person." And then there were the other kickers. He's adopted, and was actually proud to hear of what I did when I gave up my son. He told me during the weekend that I had a tendency to make him want to revert to that chest-pounding "Me Tarzan, you Jane" feeling of protection that he'd felt in his late 20's and early 30's that he hadn't felt in a long time. He told me how one person had described his massive character "flaw": that he saw himself as a Norse god standing on top of a mountain with his hair blowing back in the breeze, cape flapping, sword propped before him in one hand with his armor gleaming in the bright sunlight. At that point, he looked at me and said, "I told her that wasn't my problem or my flaw. That was her problem because she couldn't deal with it." And he's right in that. We have incredibly similiar views on religion and, above and beyond that, the same belief pattern in just what perceptions and supernatural things exist in our world. I got spooked at one point because I felt something in his bedroom and I kept turning to look in one particular corner. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him that something was standing there. He nodded and told me that there was. A bit startled by that, I looked to him and asked him what it was since I couldn't figure it out. "Goofy," he told me, and proceeded to explain that it was his guardian angel. That he'd started calling him Goofy because he couldn't come up with any other name for the angel. I blinked and just stared, not because I didn't believe him but because he couldn't have understood in the least that what he'd just said had struck me to the core. I, too, have a guardian angel, but it's something that I tell very few. I hadn't told him. His experiences with the paranormal - both religious and otherwise - mirror so many things that I've gone through that it's not even funny. And he told me about them without any sort of prompting from me. Not a single mention. I opened up a bit to him at that, telling him some of my experiences, and he understood. Not a blink of doubt, just complete understanding. And then I mentioned the bond I have with my Roomie where he and I can sometimes read each other's thoughts. "Now that would be cool," he said. "I think I could handle that with you." "No. If I develop that kind of bond with you, it'd be time for you to run," I said while looking down at my hands and toying with my cigarette. "Run? Why would I want to run? You just wouldn't have any secrets any more." "Because if I develop that kind of bond with you, it'll mean I've fallen in love with you." "And that'd be a reason to run? I don't think so." That was when the relationship discussion came to pass where he thought I was more adverse to the idea of one with him than he was about one with me. I guess it comes down to this - I'm scared. I'm not afraid of him, mind you. I had a comfort level with him that's surpassed any other feeling I've had with anyone else including Roomie. The way L~ touched me, held me, kissed me, talked to me, and in general acted with me blew away any and all fears I might have had of him. He wouldn't hurt me ... not physically or emotionally; not intentionally, I don't think. What daunts me is the fact that he's too good to be true. He told me that this weekend, too. That I was too good to be true. That startled the living hell out of me. He slung compliments in such a subtle manner that you didn't realize what he was saying until it slammed you between the eyes like a Louisville Slugger. But then there was the little part of me that kept saying, "He's a salesman. That's his profession and that's the way his mind works." Like I'd said to the Italian at work one day, "You're a salesman. You'll say anything you have to in order to get what you want." And I always swore I'd never let myself get involved in any way, shape, or form with a salesman - let alone a telemarketer. That's what L~ is, though. It's what he's good at. The thrill of the close is what he lives for. And as Big Bossman told me today, "That guy is so good, he could talk your pants right off of you." The commonalities that L~ and I have, though ... good God, but they're almost enough to be frightening. He only owns two tapes that aren't of questionable intent. One of them is one he recorded off of HBO - the entire first season of the animated version of "Spawn." We watched that this weekend when I realized he had it. The other one is one I've never known a straight man to buy simply because he loved it: "What Dreams May Come." It's one of his all-time favorite movies. I couldn't help but just stare at him when he pulled that one out of the drawer he had all of his tapes in. [Continued in next section] Current Mood: pensive Current Music: Robert Plant - Nirvana (2 Comments | Comment on this)
Thursday, November 2nd, 2000
12:07 am	One tired T-Bear Do you want to talk "busy week?" I didn't think so, but that's the only way I can explain my absence for so long. For the last 2 days, I haven't even touched my home computer. There are no few of you who know me well enough to know that it's nearly unheard of for me to go 2 days without at least sitting down to write out a blurb or check my mail or talk to a few people online. I usually spend an hour or two, sometimes more, on the computer at night doing whatever I intend to do for the evening. That's changed rather drastically in the last week, however. It all started last Thursday. Thursday morning, as usual, I sat down at my computer to read my volunteer mail and see what there was to be seen of the things I had to deal with. Well, I got to read a meeting that I couldn't attend, and some of the content just sent me through the roof. To say that the frustration factor began there wouldn't be an understatement at all. Some of the things I read were downright ludicrous and I felt like reaching through the monitor, grabbing those on the other side and saying, "Why are you doing this to us?!" Needless to say, I began to compose my resignation letter for my online volunteer position. Needless to say, my online teammate - the one I worked with the most closely - chose to sign on and IM me just as I was getting ready to hit the send button on said e-mail. She convinced me to write to the higher ups to put up one more fight. I did. I spent most of my day, while doing my "real" work, thinking about the response I'd probably have waiting for me when I got home to check my mail. I came to the final decision that, if it was not agreeable I would resign - if it was agreeable, I'd stick it out and deal with it. It was not an agreeable response. I read the response and shook my head slowly as I sighed. It was ... unpleasant, to say the least, and I sat back for a second to debate what I wanted to do, but my decision had already been made. I sent the resignation and deleted my volunteer names. There are a few out there who know how much those positions meant to me - I held them for three years. I put up with so much crap, so many changes, so many demands through those three years and always came out on top. I just couldn't bring myself to fight any more, not when it was the same situation here online - where I come to relax - as it is in my business life. The feeling of overwhelming sadness got me down for quite a while, but I knew I did what I had to do. Friday was spent, for the most part, dealing with the backlash of that resignation. Answering e-mails, talking to fellow volunteers I could trust about my reasons for resigning, fielding phone calls from other volunteers, that sort of thing. I got in a little play time with Humor (at least I think that was Friday night - not sure now) and did some graphics work and writing. Saturday and Sunday were about the same. Then Monday hit. Oy! I got up to get ready for work and got a phone call as I was waiting for Roomie to finish getting ready for work. It was one of the managers who resigned from the company I worked for that wanted to talk to me about a part time position - contract work really - doing some data entry for the people she's working for now. We discussed it and I told her a tentative yes, to call me later at work when I'd had a little time to think about it and decide on the pay that I'd require. She'd told me that it would be names, addresses, phone numbers, and a product or two to enter for 350 - 500 customers initially. I quoted her a price on that, and she said she'd talk to her boss. Got off the phone with her and was getting ready to walk out the door when the phone rang again. Well, I picked up the phone and it was her again. It's up to 750 - 1000 customers and they needed 'em done ASAP. They'd pay me this much to do it (cha-ching!) and she'd make sure I got to that jobsite as well as my regular job so transportation was worked out. Cool. I told her I'd do it. Wednesday and Friday she'd be here at 8:30am to pick me up, go over to the job, work there until 12:30pm and then off to my regular job for 9+ hours. I figured, with what she'd told me, I could pound out that 1000 customer database in a day or two since it was so little information. See ya on Wednesday! Go to work and spend my day doing my regular job and figuring out how I was going to dress for Halloween while waiting to see if Roomie was going to get his new car or not. Roomie gets his new car and gets to work about 9pm to pick me up. It wasn't what he wanted, really, but it was a nice enough vehicle and a damned site better than what he had before so, all in all, it was a good deal. But he's freaking over the fact that he's now $12,000 in debt. What do I say? "You're the one who signed the papers!" We head home from work and he asked me if I'd mind if we stopped by Wal-Mart so he could pick a few things up. No problem. I figured I could wander around for a while since I hadn't been in there for a while. I drooled over the HP Scanner they had for $99 that was pretty well top of the line, the Sony 5 CD changer mini-stereo system that was sweet and surround sound to boot, and a few other electronic odds and ends. Then I decided to hit the DVD rack to see what they had new. I've been looking - specifically - for "American Beauty" for about 6 months now, but could never find it. I didn't find it on the first pass through this time, either. Then I was walking through to go find Roomie, I happened to catch that distinctive rose on the front of the ad for "American Beauty" - behind a rather wide wooden rack used to support the backs of the DVDs. I leaned to look, narrowed my eyes, and low and behold, there it was! There were two, hidden back behind the rack out of general view. I scampered off to find the guy to unlock the case, got the DVD and headed for the front of the store to check out. Hey, considering the last few times I'd been in there I blew about $120 each time, leaving with only a $15 item was a bargain! I got through the line and was heading out the to car when I heard "T!" from behind me. When I turned around, there was Roomie ... still in the checkout line waiting for the person in front of him to get their check cleared for the purchases they made. I quirked a brow and asked him what was taking him so long since he'd left me in the electronics department about 20 minutes before to go up front to check out. Apparently, he managed to get in the line that moved "as slow as molasses in January," to use his own words. He had 2 people in front of him, and it took them that long to check out those 2 people. So, I stood there and waited with him and showed him that I'd found "American Beauty." He'd never seen it, so I told him we could watch it that night. Of course, he made a crack that he'd expected me to walk out of there with the stereo I'd been oggling or at the least, one of the other electronic gadgets I'd been going ga-ga over. I just stuck my tongue out at him and gave him a ration because - for the first time in ages - he was spending more than I was! Roomie looked at me and said, "Of course I am. I just blew $12,000 on a car! You think $50 is much after that?!" I had to laugh at him, y'know? So we came home and watched "American Beauty." He didn't think he'd like the movie due to the fact that the first half hour. He sat there watching and muttered, "I keep having ~I hate you, you hate me, we're a disfunctional family~ (sung to the tune of the Barney Theme) go through my head." Then the movie really kicked in and he shut up fully to just watch. By the end of the movie, he looked at me and muttered, "Holy shit." My sentiments exactly. That movie kicks ass and takes initials once it really gets going. However, I will grant that it's a movie that you either love or hate. As I thought, Roomie loved it as much as I did. I finally got to bed around 4am, I guess, and got up to get ready for work on Halloween. Now this was a fun day - at least until after work. I got myself all dressed up - head to toe in black from the turtleneck to the gloves to the suede vest to the black breeches to the black shin-high boots I was wearing. I coiled a whip at my right side, tucked my chrys into my left boot, laced my hair with a silver streak from the right temple all of the way back and tied that black and silver mass back into a rather distinctive braid. By the time Roomie got up and ready to go - as a mundane - I was already in character. For Halloween, Diana Ciad came to true life. There was only one thing I did differently that Diana doesn't have. I wore my fangs just to freak out my boss. Otherwise, it was pure mercenary mayhem. I'd warned everyone I worked with that I'd be dressing as Di and putting on the persona for the day, but none of them really believed me. They'd heard me describe Di and how I play her, but it never got through their heads. The first person I encountered as I went to clock in was Big Bossman. Perfect. He was walking from the back of the office to his office, looked at me and said good afternoon. I nodded to him and ... smiled. Picture this: I've already described Bossman as being about 6'4" and pure yuppie. Now picture pure yuppie jumping back about a foot as he saw my fangs and yelping. It was absolutely classic! He just stared for a minute, then laughed and went walking back into his office saying, "You wish!" about the fangs. I couldn't help but give a rather dry chuckle. Next was the actual office itself. Miss New York, Miss New-Rican and Office Manager were all there doing their various things and, as is usual for Di, I just sort of walked in and to my desk without saying a work and making as little noise as possible. I put my stuff down, and then I heard, "Oh my God!" out of Miss New-Rican. I pulled a classic Di move. My head rose slowly and I turned a rather cold look on her with one brow raised. Her eyes got about as big as saucers and she started going off in Spanish. That brought Office Manager's attention around to me as well as Miss New York's. I gave them both the same look, and then curved my lips up and open so they could see the fangs. You should've heard the ruckus! They all went nuts. It was hysterical, but I stuck true to form and just gave a mildly sarcastic, crooked grin. I was Di flat out, and I freaked them all out. I kid you not, most of them stayed as far away as possible from me all day except when they had to ask me something or had to do something with me. Miss New-Rican kept saying, "I'm going home!" and Miss New York kept mumbling, "I swear I'm working with someone else!" Then the Prick came in. He came through the office saying, "Hi, Miss New York! Hi, Miss New-Rican! Hi, T!" The only one who didn't answer was me, of course. I just glanced over my shoulder a little, then went back to work. He tried again, this time a little more cheerful. I glanced back, snorted and returned to work. Then came the, " Did I do something wrong?" to Miss New York. I didn't look at them, but I heard her say, "She's in character today." "In character?" Prick asked. "Yeah," was all Miss New York said, and I finally turned around to look at him. Prick took a step back. I smiled. He said, "Holy shit!" and turned away with this pasty look on his face. It was hysterical! Shall we say that the "costume" was a sure-fire winner? I even got a few good Di lines in there. The Italian came back and was saying something about big things, and I said something along the lines of, "Yeah, I'm sure you don't know anything about big things." He, of course, came back with, "Oh, I know how to handle big things, or at least that's what my girlfriend says." I looked at him rather flatly and said, "According to what I've heard, your 'big thing' wouldn't cover so much as a flea." You should've heard the whoops and laughter that one got, and I just went back to work. I had a hell of a lot of fun until I got out of work and Roomie and I got a call on his cell phone from his former roommate before me. Jack called us while we heading home and asked us to go to Li'l Orphan Andy's - a bar down near where we work. We were almost home at that point and Roomie knew I had to get up at oh-gods-thirty in the morning today so he kept trying to tell Jack no. Jack wouldn't take no for an answer. So we ended up at home, where I could've stayed, but didn't because I knew Roomie would drink and I didn't want him to wreck his new car. Out we went again with the understanding that I'd get home within good time to get a decent amount of sleep. Yeah. Right. Jack had called because he really needed someone to talk to and he was piss-ass drunk. And suicidal to boot. So we got to spend our evening dealing with a suicidal drunk who blubbered all over both of us. But hell, I got a perk out of it. For the first time in about a decade and a half, someone asked me to dance. Granted, it was Jack and I just about had to hold him up, but he asked me which was sort of an ego booster. It would've been more of one if I hadn't been the only female in the joint and the other 4 people were all gay males. Jack and I were the only two straight folk in there, and sometimes I wonder about Jack. I ended up getting home about 2:30am and to sleep about 3:30am. Then my alarm clock went off at 7:30am. Grooooooooooooooooooan!!! I got up and got ready to go work at this new place and luckily, I was ready on time. The lady was here to pick me up right at 8:30am on the dot, and we headed off. We went to the ritzy part of town where the houses - lowest cost - are somewhere between $800,000 and a cool million apiece. Found out that the person I'd be doing the data entry for was a best selling nutritional author and speaker, not to mention a doctor. We got to her house and I just looked at it for a second thinking, "Y'know, one day I could own one of these if I got off my butt and actually started to write." Then the thought faded and I got to work. At a normal pace, I type anywhere from 90 wmp to 110 wpm. I figured I'd pound these data entry things out in little to no time. Then I saw the database and all of the information I'd have to input. After about 30 minutes of entering, I turned and looked at the lady I was working with and said, "This is going to take longer than originally planned." A lot longer. With the wrong number project I was doing at work - which required a resort code, name, address, and phone number - I was inputing somewhere between 100 - 120 an hour. With all of the information I had to deal with here, I got 138 input in 3 1/2 hours. But the time sped by and soon it was 12:30pm and time to head for my normal job. On the way to work, the lady and I discussed my pay and she started asking me if I thought it would be better for us to discuss another pay schedule with the author and her husband. I agreed that it'd have to be rethought, and we agreed to discuss it more on Friday after I'd had some time to think about it. I've thought about it, done some calculations, and I think I might end up making a good sum more than originally planned if I go with the hourly/daily thing - all of which could be put toward a car. And this would be a recurring position if I wanted it to be since they're always getting more orders in. All in all, not a bad deal, but one that's keeping me busy. As a result, I've not been able to sit down to compose anything on the computer for days. Hence the reason this is so long. But that's not the end of it. I get to attend a funeral tomorrow. Mama, the telemarketing floor manager, had a blessing/curse delivered to her this past weekend. Her husband finally died. They'd been expecting it for a while since he did have rapidly spreading cancer, but it still came as a bit of a shock. The wake was today, but neither Roomie nor I could go because we had to work. The funeral is tomorrow at noon and, though I really don't want to go, Mama wants us to be there. So we'll be there. It's going to be a hard day, though. No doubt about that. And another long day, just like Friday's going to be. Life is going to be very busy for a while, I think. For now, though, I'm going to head off. I think it's time to put my tired butt to bed before I end up losing my sanity. For those of you who pray, please keep Mama in your prayers. She needs them right now. Everyone felt the sound of their heartbeat Every man, every woman, every child They test the limits of imagination To the door to the world of another time And on the journey of a thousand lifetimes With the children of the sun they started to climb ~ Billy Thorpe, "Children of the Sun" Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Billy Thorpe - Children Of The Sun (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 24th, 2000
1:01 pm	Hmm... I'm thinking too much lately. Or rather, I'm thinking too much about the wrong things. It's been a different weekend for me, and a rather interesting week so far, but nothing to really write home about. The main things on my mind concern Roomie. Nothing bad or anything, I'm just worried about him. He's going through some massive mood swings that he's hiding from folk. I don't like that in the least. I got up this morning and C~ was still home due to the fact that he got a new job and his old job was getting on his nerves so much that he just basically told them to shove it for today. C~ informed me that Roomie was rather bummed last night - which I knew - but what I didn't know was that Roomie started drinking last night because of it. I don't like that idea. Especially since he was bummed over his ex's stupid jealousy and commentary on the car that Roomie's trying to buy. The ex is a prick. A solid, stone cold prick. I have the right to say that because I've known said prick longer than I've known Roomie. He's a two faced, lying, walking-death-wish. One of these days he's going to make the wrong comment at the wrong time and get himself killed. This time, when Roomie wrote him an e-mail to tell him about the Mustang he's trying to buy, the ex came back with a single sentence response: "Damn. Maybe I should've stuck around." Yeah. Prick. Big time. Anyway, it depressed Roomie to the point that he started drinking last night for the express purpose of forgetting about it. That's never a good sign. I wasn't out in the living room to see what Roomie was doing, otherwise I would've dragged that alcohol out of his hand and slapped him silly to get him to realize what he was doing. He knows better than that. Then I would've dragged him back into one of our bedrooms and gotten him to talk it out. C~ wants to do a little cantrip on Prick to make him completely forget about Roomie, but Roomie wouldn't consent to it. I'm just hoping that Roomie pulls himself out of this. I think he will if he gets good news today on the bank loan needed for him to get the 'Stang. I'll be so happy if he can get it if only for one reason: He'll prove to himself with this purchase that he's definitely on his way to solidity. If anyone thinks I have a low opinion of myself, I've got nothing on Roomie. He kicks himself all of the time in all areas of his life. I know where he got it from, though. He got it from 6 years of living with a prick who put him down constantly and told him he wasn't worth shit. You hear that enough, you start to believe it. However, my life, in and of itself, is okay. I got my new keyboard this weekend - Cordless, ergonomic internet/multimedia keyboard and the cordless mouse to go along with it. I'm stoked over that, though still getting used to the different layout for the keys. I also bought a 40 gig HD, but I found that I can't use it in my system thanks to Compaq doing two distinct things - they didn't give me an open bay to put it in and the Quantum HD already in the system is screwed down from the top with aluminium screws. I stripped the top of one of the suckers trying to get it out. I was not a happy camper. So the 40 gig goes back and I'll save to get the TDK CD-burner that I was drooling over at first. $300 bucks for the sucker, but it runs at 16w/12rw/56r. That'd make a nice replacement for my ZipDrive. Work's going okay. Not much has changed since the last I wrote and things are calming down there for the most part. Still stressful, but not more than I can deal with. I need to get some writing done this weekend, and I might actually have that time if Roomie doesn't get the car. If he does, I somehow have the feeling we're going to end up out at the beach. Plus, Dark Soul is going to be gone for the weekend, so I won't be distracted by that. I could schedule a few play dates, but I need to get the writing done too. It's coming up on my post for my Princess and I haven't even started on the lastest installment. Now, though, I need to head on off to work. I'm gonna be singing in Spanish all day, too, since the song that's on my MP3 player right now is completely in Spanish. I do love the rhythm of the cumbia, though. Can't understand a word, but it makes me want to move. I get to thank C~ for letting me rip this song off of one of his CDs the other night. Take care, all, and I'll catch you on the flipside! Current Mood: blah Current Music: Selena - Cumbia Medley (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2000
11:27 pm	Update on Tom This is just going to be a quickie update. I don't have much time seeing as how I've not been getting to sleep until gods-awful hours of the morning lately, and I actually need to get some rest to handle tomorrow. Meeting with the Big Bossman and all that's going to be extraordinarily frustrating on top of everything else. But anyway, the cause of death has been determined for Tom. I can't say it was much of a surprise to me considering what I knew of him. It's been determined suicide, though we don't know yet exactly what he did to kill himself. My guess is that he took a handful of various pills and mixed 'em with something else so, at first, it would look like a natural death. That's within the man's former characteristics. The funeral is on Saturday and neither Roomie nor I are sure we'll go. Why? Roomie because he's already got so much crap to do that can't wait. On top of that, he's not much of a funeral person. Me, because I don't do funerals unless I absolutely have to. They just ... don't work for me. The only one I went to willingly was my late uncle's. Be that as it may, I still don't think I'll go. Not that I don't have any respect for the dead, but ... well, they're dead. What's a funeral going to do for them? Anyways, I'm outta here for the night. Take care, all, and I'll catch you on the flip side! Current Mood: rushed Current Music: Van Halen - Right Now (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2000
12:56 pm	And now for something completely different... Oh, what a night Late December back in '63 What a very special time for me As I remember, what a night! ~ Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons "December 1963" And oh what a night I had last night. This is not a complaint at all, but rather a sense of satisfaction in regards to all that I got accomplished in the 12 hours I was at work yesterday. Yes, I ended up staying at work until almost 2:00am yesterday and I probably will be doing that for the rest of the week as well. And yes, I am insane. I know a couple of folk who, given the chance they read this after knowing I was laid low by stress and illness on Monday, will want to pummel me into little bits that they can stuff in a corner to rest for a while. To them, I say: I'm fine! Honest. Yesterday, Roomie and I got to work a little late, but it didn't much matter. I managed to get about 200 confirmations printed and mailed out for next week and another 200 bookings entered into the new database that will be a moot point within the next week or two. I only have about 200 more to get in - which I should be able to do today - in order to be current. This is a good thing ... even though we've got the bond with the state of Florida now to sell vacation packages again. Which means that the change over is literally right around the corner. I told everyone I'd get that database updated and current just in time for it to be useless! There's one thing I do have to discuss here today, though. I had a long talk with my ex-boyfriend over the last two days and he did something priceless for me. He sent me a picture of my baby, my kitty. The little black cat with the crooked tail that I had to leave behind when I left Georgia. I figured I'd share one of those pictures with everyone. As tired and sad as I've been over the last couple of days, these made me smile albeit bittersweetly. For that, and for taking care of my baby, I will forever thank him. Yes, this is the Silly Spastic W, Black Cat - Spaz for short - that I've been talking about to everyone. I got him back in November of 1994 when he was all of 12 weeks old at a pet store in Altamonte Springs. He was a little bundle of dark grey fur at the time that was scared of his own shadow. The pet store worker pulled him out of the corner of the windowed area he'd been in with about 10 other kittens and Spaz immediately latched onto his smock and wouldn't let go. Those huge eyes and big eyes just stared at us as he shook. My now-ex-husband-but-husband-at-the-time looked at me and shook his head, but I asked to hold him. The guy pried Spaz from his smock and handed him over. That little kitten immediately crawled up onto my shoulder under my hair, peeked out from behind my ear and mewed at my husband. Without a pause, my husband asked "How much is he?" And we brought him home. The way he got his name was because he was laying in the middle of an alpaca rug we had on the floor at the time - black on pure white - asleep while ex-hubby and I talked about him. Between one breath and the next, Spaz was awake and zooming at mach five around the apartment. Ex-hubby and I both laughed and one of us said, "That cat's a spaz!" And we had his name. I brought him with me to Georgia after the divorce because I didn't know what ex-hubby would do with him. I had to leave him there when I came back because this apartment complex I moved into doesn't allow pets. At least ex-boyfriend takes good care of him, and on top of that, he has the company of at least 2 other cats in the shop to keep him occupied. That's my baby, though. I just thought I'd share. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Fiona Apple - Shadow Boxer (Comment on this)
Monday, October 16th, 2000
3:06 am	I'm going to need to write for fun more often... A few years back, I played a character in my role playing that was married with two children. It was a storyline that faded out as time went on, but I just ran across a couple of writings I did for the two boys that I thought might be amusing to anyone who reads this journal besides myself. These brought a smile of lighthearted proportions to me as I read over them again. They came from a much lighter time, a time when I had very few concerns in life and just wrote for the sake of writing. I've since changed my writing style somewhat - writing in past rather than present tense, but these are still fun to read, so... ...enjoy! "Jacob?" The small, somewhat high voice spears through the silence in the house with all of the consideration of an icicle dropping from an eave to shatter a glass window. Another voice, female this time, echoes from the area of the kitchen in concert with a male voice from the area of the library. "Corlon!" Both Sil's and Ria's voices hold a tone of censure and warning to their 8 year old son, then Sil's voice stops as Ria's continues. "You know better than to yell in the house! Jacob's in here with me... not as if he'd answer you aloud anyway." The wry tone to the end of the comment penetrates fully in Corlon's head just as he traipses into the kitchen, and his face twists up into a mocking mask as his mouth moves along with his mother's words. Both hands flap at the same time as he makes the face, and Jacob grins widely at his older brother. "I know that, Mama, and you just yelled like you told me not to." Corlon sticks his tongue out at his mother and then ducks as she turns from the sink and lobs a dishtowel at him. A large hand snaps the towel out of the air just as it passes by Corlon's head, then unceremoniously drops the cloth over the boy's face. "Don't talk like that to your mother, Corlon. You know better than that," Sil corrects as he scoops his now wiggling and laughing son up onto his shoulder fireman carry style. "Papa! Put me down!" Corlon's hands pummel at Sil's back as his father laughs. "I'm too big for this!" "You're never going to be too big for me to take you down in any wrestling match, son," Sil replies, letting Corlon slide back down to the floor... head first. A squawk comes from behind him, then he stumbles forward a bit as Corlon pushes away from his father's back and flips to land on all fours. Steadying himself against the table, Sil chuckles and looks back at his 8 year old son. "You're just like a cat, landing on all fours. You'll make a good soldier." "I really wish you wouldn't do that, Sil," Ria scolds, both hands on her hips, one foot tapping impatiently. "One of these days, one of you is going to misjudge something, and he's going to split his skull wide open." A slight grunt comes from Corlon as he straightens up, adjusting his raggedy play shirt over his breeches, then dusting his hands off against each other. Just as he does so, he notes the movements of his little brother's hands and his brows beetle as he concentrates on the sign language that the family had developed so Jacob could communicate. All eyes turn to Jacob for a moment, and the room falls to silence. "A split skull would make him look better," Jacob signs, an impish grin on his 6 year old face. "Gah!" The inarticulate sound comes from Ria as she throws up both hands, then points at Sil. "This is all your fault, you know." "My fault?!" Sil stares at Ria incredulously for a moment, then shakes his head. "It took two to make these two, and..." As the conversation between their mother and father heats up and goes on, Corlon motions to Jacob and backs out of the kitchen carefully. Jacob slips from the chair he had been seated in, scooting his way quickly out of the room just as Ria's voice lifts. "Rahmek Silurion! You're not telling me you want another one!!??" Raucous, teasing laughter from Sil follows the two boys as they dash down the hall, through the library and out into the garden. Once outside, Corlon lets loose with a fit of laughter. "I swear, if they didn't love each other so much, they'd have killed each other by now, Jacob!" he laughs, trotting toward the woods with his brother following. Jacob nods rapidly in agreement, a Cheshire cat grin splitting his face. A bit behind them, two wolves fall into place, loping contentedly behind the boys. "I'm glad they love each other," Corlon rasps, finally sliding to a stop near the base of a tree trunk and sliding down to sit on one of the roots snaking across the ground. "No one would believe us if we told them that these fights are just play to them. They always look so serious." Jacob rolls his eyes and drops down to the ground to sit indian style by Corlon, his breath coming in rapid pants from the run. The wolves ease their way around to an out of the way area, dropping down with each other to bask in the spring sunshine. Locking eyes with Corlon, Jacob screws his face into an almost perfect imitation of Ria at her most indignant, shaking a finger at Corlon and mouthing a few nonsensical words without sound. Corlon's face settles down into a remote mask that's identical to Sil at his most enigmatic, his arms lifting to fold across his chest as he just stares down at his little brother. After a few seconds of this, both boys collapse in laughter again, then relax back against the chosen tree. "Did Mama or Papa ever tell you about how they met?" Corlon asks his smaller sibling. Jacob shakes his head quickly, then tips it in a gesture so reminiscent of Ria when she's confused that it would clearly show his heritage even if his looks had not betrayed it before that. "Do you want to know?" comes the query from the older brother. Jacob nods quickly, pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs before setting his chin on his knees. Lavender eyes focus directly on the older boy as he begins to speak. "I don't think mama and papa had lives before they met each other," Corlon begins, almost laughing at the disbelieving expression on his brother's face. "Oh, I know they were alive, but that doesn't mean they were living, you know." At Jacob's quizzical expression, Corlon sighs heavily looks up into the branches of the tree. For a few silent moments, he allows his thoughts free rein, then he finally looks back down at his little brother. "Well, it's like this. If mama and papa had lives before they met each other, they probably never would have met each other. I overheard them talking one night while you were... away... and they were talking about how they met. Papa said something about mama being wild, and she told him he'd been too quiet. The way I heard it, Mama must've thought he was the Yule Bunny or something when she first met him because she jumped in his lap," Corlon continues. Jacob's brows fly upward, and then he scrunches his nose and shakes his head, clearly showing he doesn't believe his mother would do anything like that. "She did! I heard them both say it. Cross my heart and stick a poker up my nose!" the older sibling swears, right hand held up. Still, Jacob's expression scoffs what his brother states, his eyes rolling upward in a gesture of futility. "Ask Mama or Papa if you don't believe me, Bubba." Jacob's small hand comes away from his shins long enough for a motion to be made for Corlon to continue, then he settles back again. A snort from Corlon preceeds his next words, but then he warms to his story and rattles it out with all of the enthusiasm of a child telling someone else a secret they aren't supposed to know. "Mama had a lot of friends back then. When they were talking, they made it sound like she was at a party or something, and Papa just happened to be there watching. I heard them say something about her dancing on tables, but I can't see Mama doing that. She's just not like that." Jacob nods an emphatic agreement to that statement as Corlon continues his story. "Anyway, they were talking about how funny it was how they sort of met up and that she didn't even realize she liked Papa at the time. Papa just laughed and shook his head when she said that. Mama said that she didn't, honest, and that if he really wanted to know, he knew how he could find out. I don't know what she meant by that." For just a moment, Jacob looks at his brother with an expression betraying how stupid he thinks his older brother is. Corlon catches that look and his eyes widen with innocent surprise. "What?!" The smaller boy's hand lifts and he points one finger at his own temple, then points to Corlon's head and narrows his eyes. As he does so, Corlon stiffens and huffs, his chest puffing out. "No way. Mama and Papa don't have the thing like we do," he scoffs, then glares at Jacob as another "Boy, are you stupid" look crosses his brother's face. Another narrowing of the younger sibling's eyes and Corlon sputters and chokes, his face turning bright red with embarassment. "I forgot about that," he states reluctantly. "I guess you're right. They must have something like that, but, Bubba, how can Papa look back with that to find something like that out?" Only a shrug of Jacob's shoulders answers his older brother. Another motion of Jacob's hand and the other boy continues, trying to recapture the train of his thoughts. "I wish you wouldn't interrupt like that, Jacob," he murmurs in a tone so close to Ria's when she's scolding both children that Jacob grins widely, totally unrepentant. Corlon's elbows meet his knees as he drops his chin into his hands, a dejected expression on his face. "If you don't want me to go on, keep butting in, smarty pants," he grumbles. Instantly, Jacob's expression falls into one of pleading, lavender eyes as large as any puppy's that desperately wants a scratch behind the ears. A snort from Corlon follows the noticing of that expression and he sticks his tongue out at his brother before continuing. "Where was I? Oh. Yeah, Papa said Mama jumped into his lap and they started talking. I don't know what happened between then and when they finally figured out that they were going to get mushy over each other." A rather disgusted sound echoes in the boy's voice at the mention of getting mushy, then it smooths out again. "You know how Mama's always telling Papa he's too quiet?" Corlon asks his brother. At the nod from Jacob, his lower lip puffs out. "Well, she said she doesn't know how she managed to get to know him at all because he was worse back then. I think the word she used was any... errr... anymartig. Anymatic?" The boys' brows furrow at this and Corlon cuts a glance to Jacob. "Do you know what that word means?" Jacob shakes his head silently. "Think I should ask Mama or Papa?" Quick shakes of his brother's head convince Corlon that maybe he shouldn't ask. "How about Uncle Marc?" Jacob's lips stretch into a huge grin and he nods vehemently. Corlon chuckles a response and nods in return. "Uncle Marc it is then, next time we see him... which should be soon. He promised to teach me some more about the gla... gladiolus thing that he carries. You know, the one that looks like a big knife? It doesn't look much like Papa's sword, but I like it, so I want him to teach me about it." Jacob lets out a breath of air that, had any sound been behind it, would definitely have been a snort. His hands move much more quickly with his brother than he showed in the house earlier. "Uncle Marc carries a gladius, CJ, not a gladiolus. A gladiolus is a flower." Corlon rolls his eyes and grumbles back at his brother. "No fair that you know more than I do. You may be younger, but you've already gone places that I haven't. You also have those funny guys telling you things all of the time. I can't hear 'em, though." Jacob's hands move again, responding to his brother. "Not my fault they took me. And the funny guys are just men. I don't see why you can't hear them. Mama can, and even Papa can sometimes." "You interrupted again!" The glower on Corlon's face does nothing to his brother's conscience and Jacob only chuckles soundlessly. The younger boy's hands clasp around his legs again, and he takes up the listening posture he had at the beginning. "You made me lose track of what I was telling you about," the older sibling grumbles. His younger brother's hands move tentatively to form the words: "How Mama and Papa had no life before they met each other." "Oh. Right. They never talk about before, only after. Oh, and Mama complains about how people expect her to be the same as she was back then. I still don't believe she danced on tables though. Papa would've yanked her off of them as quickly as he jerks us off of the beds when we jump on them. Or maybe he would've spanked her. Now that I'd like to see!" "I don't think he could catch her to do that," Jacob signs rapidly. "I think he could! You've never seen them chase each other around the house. And they tell us not to run in the house, and they do it all of the time when they think I'm asleep," Corlon huffs. Jacob simply rolls his eyes again and signs. "What happened when they met, CJ? You were talking about that." "Oh! You keep breaking in with smart mouth... errr... hand comments! Quit it out." Another unrepentant grin lights Jacob's face, only making Corlon growl at him louder. Then the anger subsides, as it always does, and the older sibling fights to get back on track. "I guess Mama used to dance a lot back then. She danced some when I was littler, too, but I haven't seen her do that lately. Papa just sat there watching her with this funny look on his face like he had a feather stuck in his throat or something. But I've never seen someone with a feather stuck in his throat smiling like Papa was." Corlon shakes his head at that and Jacob heaves a silent sigh at his brother's wandering thoughts. "CJ?" he signs. "I didn't interrupt you this time, but could you maybe tell me about what you heard about Mama and Papa's meeting?" "I did!" Corlon sputters. "You just don't believe me. I don't know if I believe it either, but if Mama and Papa said it, it has to be true. They didn't know I was listening." "Right," Jacob signs, his face plainly showing that he doesn't believe that their parents didn't know Corlon was there. "They know where we are all of the time. If not in the head, then because of them." A single motion to the side takes in the two wolves lazing in a shaft of sunlight. "Star and Patch would tell Mama everything." Corlon's eyes drift over to take in the two wolves - one black with a single star of pure white fur against its chest and the other with patches of black through its silver-grey fur. "Okay. You've got a point, but I still don't think they knew I was there. They thought I was asleep, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten as mushy as they did. Have you ever seen Papa pick Mama up like he did to me tonight?" Jacob shakes his head and both small brows arch curiously. "He did that night. She got up to do something, and the next thing I know, she's laughing and trying to be quiet while telling him to put her down. I ran back to my bedroom then, because Papa started walking toward the library door, telling her to be quiet or she'd wake me up. The next thing I heard was a thud and a little yelp from their bedroom and when I peeked out again, everything was quiet." The wry, disbelieving smile on Jacob's lips shows that he once again doesn't believe his older brother. "Aren't you going to believe anything I tell you, Bub?" Corlon queries, a hint of annoyance in his tone. The slow shake of his brother's head answers him, so he straightens up and motions to Jacob, taking off at a trot across the garden. Jacob scrambles to his feet and takes off following his brother, the wolves shaking themselves and stretching leisurely to all four paws in order to go along. Corlon skids to a stop so quickly near the garden doors that Jacob slides right into his back, both children thudding against the glass with a grunt. "Watch where you're going, blunderbutt!" Corlon hisses lowly, plastered to the door until Jacob finally steps back to allow him space to breathe. The older boy shakes himself out, glares over his shoulder at his brother, then puts a finger to his lips before easing the glass portal open. The boys slip in quietly, just in time to hear the continuing sound of the "fight" from the kitchen. "Sil, I swear to the Goddess! One of these days, I am going to blister your hide when you pull a trick like this. Think of the children!" Ria's voice, though somewhat quieter than before, still carries through to the library. The boys sneak further in, poking their heads around the hall doorway and looking toward the kitchen as they hear their father reply. "I am thinking of the children, Ria. Why else do you think I'm being good?" Sil's low pitched chuckle sounds and the boys glance at each other with puzzled expressions. Jacob shrugs his shoulders and Corlon follows suit with a lift and fall of his own. As quietly as possible, the boys tiptoe to the kitchen doorway and peek in only to find their father sitting in a chair with Ria cradled on his lap. Jacob tugs on Corlon's sleeve, then signs rapidly. "What's Papa doing? She's not a baby!" Corlon shakes his head, then points to their parents who are now quiet contentedly showing their feelings for each other in a chaste, but emotional kiss. Corlon mouths to his brother, "Mushy stuff!" Then he sticks out his tongue in an expression of disgust and slips back toward the library. Only after he gets to the library door does Corlon realize his brother isn't with him and he looks back toward the boy still peeking into the kitchen. Very quietly and carefully, Corlon slides back up behind his brother, grabs him a headlock and drags him back toward toward the library with Jacob struggling the whole way. In an undertone, Corlon hisses in his brother's ear. "Do you want them to catch us watching?" Corlon stops and lets his brother go as soon as they reach the middle of the library floor, then turns to face him. Jacob's glare would turn a fire to ice as he rubs his throat, then his hands fly once more. "They knew we were there, Corlon. Face it. They know everything we do!" "Nuh uh!" Jacob nods emphatically, then points to the doorway behind Corlon. As the older boy turns, he hears his parents' quiet chuckling, which turns to full laughter at the expression on their son's face when he spots them standing there. "I'm going to have to teach them to sneak better, love," Sil gets out between chuckles. "And I'm going to have to teach them to shield better," Ria states, eyes twinkling. "It's time for lunch, boys. Go get yourselves cleaned up and into the kitchen." With a superior look to his older brother, Jacob runs from the library to reach the bathroom first. With an indignant grunt, Corlon takes off after him, calling out to Jacob's back. "Don't you dare take all of the hot water and soap again, jerkface!" Both parents' shocked voices sound in unison. "Corlon!" Current Mood: amused Current Music: Guns 'n' Roses - Paradise City (2 Comments | Comment on this)
Sunday, October 15th, 2000
8:19 pm	What goes around, comes around I firmly believe that, and I was waiting ... just waiting ... for things to turn around for me. Y'see, for the last 6 months or so, my life has been terribly peachy, too happy and content for me to really talk about since everyone else around me was having massive problems. If I popped out with, "I'm sorry to hear that," and they asked me how I was doing and I just said, "Absolutely wonderful," they'd try to smack me. It pissed people off. Well, the thought that went through my head all that time was, "When is Fate going to turn around and bite me in the ass?" It's finally done it. There was a knock on my door about 6:45am this morning, and a muttered "T? Can I talk to you for a few minutes?" from Roomie that woke me up. I think my heart knew before my mind did that what was coming was something that I really didn't want to hear. "Yeah, come on in," I mumbled. Not knowing what time it was, but knowing it was still dark out, I didn't want to be too loud in case C~ was still asleep on the couch. Roomie came in and sat on the lower corner of the waterbed and, just stared at me for a second. I twisted myself around to see him a bit more clearly in the darkness and murmured, "What is it?" "You remember Tom, right?" His voice was too quiet and I curled up a little tighter under the comforter. The last time I'd heard someone use that tone, it had rattled me to the core and this time was no different. "Yeah, I remember him. Haven't seen him for a while, though. Why? What's up?" "Mark just called. He and Tim got back from the trailer in Melbourne about 3am and found Tom dead in his bed." If anyone'd ever been slapped in their face by mortality, they would understand the ice that worked down my spine. A flash of the man in question's face went through my head, laughing and joking as he always did when he came over here. I could only croak what just about anyone could in a situation like that: "What? How?" Roomie proceeded to tell me that Tom had been sick for several weeks, but had been okay enough to go to work and everything. Mark made him stay home from work on Friday because he had, apparently, looked like walking death and needed to rest and eat. Mark and Tim took care of him as best they could, but they had to go to Melbourne Friday night to take care of a few odds and ends. They left Tom with Roomie's cell phone number and our home number here just in case he needed anything. When they got back last night - Saturday night - at about 2:30am - 3:00am, the front door was unlocked, the kitchen and bathroom lights were on, but there was no movement. Tom's bedroom door was open and, from the light coming in from the hallway, Mark could see that his eyes were open. He called to Tom, thinking he was just dazed, and then, slowly, the realization hit him that Tom was dead. Of course, the police were called and the coroner, but they couldn't give a cause of death. They said that Tom had been dead for a while - probably died shortly after Mark and Tim left the apartment at 11pm on Friday night. Needless to say, that was not news either of us were expecting. It had Roomie shaking fit to rattle the teeth from his head and me chilled from head to toe. What chilled us both further was that C~ had told Roomie sometime early on Saturday that a new spirit had entered our house. It was male, very angry and very bitter. It showed up in the wee hours of Friday night and stood there in the middle of the living room, watching C~ for a while before he fell back to sleep. Tom, for all his laughing and joking, was probably one of the darkest, most angry and bitter souls I knew. He toyed with things that he had no business toying with. Regardless, death has now again touched someone I knew. I am not afraid of death myself, but the aftermath when it comes for someone that was known to me is always difficult to endure. Roomie and I discussed everything this morning - talked until about 8am or so, I guess, while perched in my waterbed. Neither of us cried ... I don't think either of us could. He brought up a very valid point: If he reacted this harshly to the death of someone who was a friend, but not close, how are both of us going to react when Death comes for C~? You see, C~ is HIV positive. He's beginning to develop the symptoms of full blown AIDS, and Roomie and I both know it's merely a matter of time now. C~ is sick all of the time, though he doesn't let that stop him from living. The infections come off and on, but with greater frequency now. His T-cell count is already low, and if things continue on this vein, they'll fall even further soon. Almost every gay man Roomie and I know, with the exception of Roomie himself and Desire, is HIV positive. Slowly, but surely, each one will be taken from us and each time it will be as bad a shock, if not worse, than this death. Tom was HIV positive as well, though none of us think that's what killed him. The autopsy will tell more. I think what rocked Roomie the most, though, was the fact that this is the second death this year for someone he knew personally. Joe, a security guard here at the complex that I met a year ago today, I believe, died in late January just before I moved back down. He had an epileptic seizure and, since no one lived with him, when he swallowed his tongue, he choked to death in his own bed. Again, he was found dead a day or so after he'd died and no one could figure it out until the autopsy. Here it is, 9 months later, and Roomie gets a repeat phone call. At least he wasn't alone this time when he found out. He could come to me. I know you're life on earth was troubled And only you could know the pain You weren't afraid to face the devil You're no stranger to the rain So go rest high on that mountain Son, your work on earth is done Go to heaven a-shoutin' Love for the Father and the Son Oh how we cried the day you left us And gathered 'round your grave to grieve Wish I could see the angels' faces When they hear your sweet voice sing So go rest high on that mountain Son, your work on earth is done Go to heaven a-shoutin' Love for the Father and the Son ~ Vince Gill, "Go Rest High on the Mountain" Current Mood: blank Current Music: U.S.U.R.A. - Trance Emotions [DJ Quicksilver REMIX] (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 14th, 2000
5:24 pm	Friday the 13th and a Full Moon Now, I'm not a superstitious sort. I used to own a black cat, and he never gave me bad luck. I walked under ladders all of the time and nothing bad ever happened to me. I've refused to send out chain letters and survived quite happily. And, above that, Friday the 13th is usually one of the best days of any given month for me. Good things usually happen to me on Friday the 13th. Not this Friday the 13th. Couple it with a full moon, and... Arrrrrrrroooooooooooo! I should've known yesterday was going to be a bad day when I woke up and walked into the bathroom to get ready for work and found that C~, Roomie's and my new roommate now, had used my toothbrush instead of his own. Then I got in the shower and got to play slip'n'slide because Roomie cleaned the bathtub and it's slick as hell now. Getting to work was no problem, though Roomie and I were 15 minutes late, as per usual, and then Roomie stopped by my desk, patted his back pocket and muttered an oath. He'd left his wallet here at home. Guess who got to pay for lunch? On top of that, my phone at work rang all of once on Thursday. Yesterday, it rang off the hook with one bitch customer after another. One bitched out Miss New York and asked for her supervisor - me. I get on the phone, she bitched me out and asked for my supervisor. I kept trying to tell her I didn't have one, and she kept getting more and more pissy. Roomie overheard me and asked, "You want to pull a Hemisphere?" I just grinned at him and handed the phone and information over. See, when we worked together for Hemisphere, we'd play good cop - bad cop with the customers. They'd get me and bitch up a storm with me being kind, courteous and professional. When they didn't like what I had to say and demanded my supervisor, the call would go over to Roomie and he'd let them whine and moan for a few minutes before telling them in sometimes very stern manners that they weren't going to get what they wanted. Here's the gist of the conversation between that customer and Roomie yesterday: "You guys owe me a room in Daytona for this weekend since I'm already all packed and ready to go!" "Ma'am, is your address ... ?" "Yes." "Did you receive your confirmation letter? IT was sent out on October 3rd." "No. I didn't." "Did you receive a message on your answering machine from Miss New York on October 10th?" "Yes. Yes, I did get that." "And you waited four days to call her back?" Pause. "Ma'am? Are you still there?" "Yeah." "Well, ma'am, we sent you the confirmation letter and tried to contact you in regards to your reservation several days ago. In the confirmation letter, it states that you need to contact our welcome center before 3pm if you're going to be a late arrival so they'll hold your room for you. We did everything in our power to make certain you knew that." "I demand a room in Daytona for the weekend like you promised me on the phone!" "Ma'am, you can demand all you'd like but it is now almost 5pm. The welcome center closes at 3pm and the rooms are released at that time if they are not contacted. There is nothing at all that we can do for you." "We arranged to get off of work for the weekend and have everything packed to go! You're going to get us a room for the weekend and you're going to foot the bill for it!" "Ma'am, no we are not. You waited until after 3pm on the day of your arrival - four days after Miss New York's message was left - to contact us. We can reschedule you, but there's nothing else that can be done." "Go to hell!" I had quite a few customers like that yesterday. And to top that off, the data entry into the database is going insanely slowly. I have all of 600 bookings put in out of a grand total of 900. About the time I get them all entered, they're going to be phasing out this program and implimenting the new one. And downsizing again. Y'see, I got some more news yesterday that's sort of good, sort of bad. The plan that's been in motion for the last month has been finalized, but it means more changes. Until we're up and running, bringing in money - sometime within the next few weeks - everyone is going to have to take a pay cut. On top of that, Miss New York is going to be let go as well as Lazybones. Miss New-Rican will have her hours cut back to working only the telemarketing room at night and not anything during the day. You know who that leaves to do all of the work to support the company? Me. Roomie. Office Manager. Accountant. Period. Now, I say this is a good thing and a bad thing for a reason. Lazybones and Miss New-Rican are a waste of the air they take up when they breathe. Another thing that happened yesterday to make my life more difficult was the fact that I had about 20 confirmations that had to go out yesterday morning. I put them in the "Mail to be Stamped" bin on Thursday afternoon, which Lazybones is supposed to take care of. Yesterday, at about 4:30pm, I saw them still in the bin and asked Lazybones, "Those are going to be taken care of before you leave, right?" "Oh, yeah! Sure! I'll do 'em before I head out for the weekend." 11:30pm last night, Roomie looks in the door from where he's outside smoking a cigarette, points to the bin and asks, "Is that stuff that's supposed to go out tonight?" The confirmations were still there - unstamped. I cursed enough to make a sailor blush. "Lazybones was supposed to get those out before she left! She's fucking worthless!" So I did them myself like I'd thought I should do originally, but hell, I'd been told it was a part of her job to make sure the mail got out. And then there was Miss New-Rican who has all of the brainpower of a dead flea. I swear, she should be a natural blonde. The wrong number project is simple. SIMPLE, I tell you. You look at the lead, put the information in the computer, and go on to the next one. If there's no zip code or city, you look in the zip code books we have and find it. If there's no city, but there is a zip, you look in the book to find the city. How difficult is that? "T? I can't find this (insert city or zip here)." I turn, look in the book and it's right there in front of her face. I point to it and go back to work only to hear that sniveling voice five seconds later. "T? I can't read this." I turn, look at the lead and rattle off what it said. Then I go back to work only to be interrupted a few seconds later. Then, within the next five minutes, she's up out of her chair and off socializing. Now, one thing you have to realize - when I was doing the wrong number project like Miss New-Rican is now - I could get approximately 100 - 120 leads input per hour. It's really not that difficult. Now, I also type upwards of 80 wpm +, so I do have an advantage there, but even C~, when he was working on it while he still worked with us, got in at least 40 per hour at a hunt and peck speed. That means, what? In a four hour time span, even at hunt and peck, she should be getting in at least 160 per day. Last time I checked on how many she'd entered yesterday, there were 75. Seventy five. That's less than one lead every three minutes. A freaking gnat could hop on a keyboard and get that many in over a four hour time span, y'know? Office Manager glanced back at her empty desk the other day and muttered, "She does more socializing than work." "Finally noticed that, did you?" I muttered right back as I continued inputing my booking stuff. He just snorted and went back to work. Well, that was work for the most part yesterday. The capper, though, was the fact that when I got home and sat down at my computer to do a little let-loose role playing after a frustrating day, I knocked a glass of water over on my desk ... and into my electronic keyboard. Can we say "b-ZAT!?" I thought we could. I shook the water out of my keyboard, grabbed the blowdryer and dried it out as best I could. Tried to type a few letters and found that some didn't work and others typed in different letters than they should have. I hit the w and it automatically launched MS Word. N didn't work at all and neither did B. My spacebar went out. So, being the type I am, I took it apart carefully and dried the sucker completely. No dice. Even worse. I let it sit all night and got up this afternoon to try it out again. Now none of the keys register what they're supposed to but totally different letters. I hit q and it brought up the '. I hit one of the numbers and it started bringing up the lowest tier of keys from z to /. So I spent my night watching DVDs on my monitor since it was about all this computer was good for. Then, when C~ got up to go to work, Roomie and I went out of our respective dungeons, sat there jawing for several hours, got whacked and watched "The Matrix." I finally got to bed about 11:30am this morning. One lucky thing, Roomie did find the adapter so that I could use this keyboard on my system until such a time as I get paid and can afford to get a new internet keyboard. Y'see, my computer, lovely as it is, doesn't have any manual controls on it. To control the volume of the sound, you had to push the special buttons on the keyboard. To play an audio CD in the CD-ROM, you had the controls for it on the keyboard. To put it to sleep or wake it up, there was a special button on the keyboard. Special buttons all over the place. I priced a replacement a while ago: Cheapest was $65. Most expensive, $90. This keyboard I'm using now is so damned old it doesn't even have the Windows button between the Ctrl and Alt keys! But hey, at least it works, y'know? I seriously think that the next time there's a Friday the 13th that falls on a full moon, I'm going to call in sick to work, curl up in bed, and hide under the covers until it's over. If I don't, next time I might end up blowing something up. Life certainly keeps you on your toes, doesn't it? Current Mood: Bemused Current Music: Aerosmith - Living On the Edge (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
12:38 pm	A short update, as usual Well, I'm hoping this is going to be a quiet day. It probably will be since, hopefully, Office Manager will have the database I was promised weeks ago up and running. I'll only have 800 leads to input within the next few days so I won't be too busy. And yes, that last was written and thought with tongue firmly in cheek. The next few days are going to be a study in patience. A level of patience I don't know that I have. Y'see, I got moved to my new area yesterday and, as a result, placed between two of the biggest gossips in the office. Miss New York and I discovered we have a hell of a lot in common yesterday, so we'll get along fine. The two we'll have problems with is Miss New-Rican and Lazybones. They sit there and yak and yak and yak about things they have no business discussing, and I can tell ya, as I told Miss New York, they'd better not keep it up too much or else I'm going to tell them to take it elsewhere. I do not like gossip, and it'll just piss me off. But on top of that, the telemarketing production is going down. Mama's out tending to her husband because he's, literally, on his last legs. His fingernails are starting to turn blue and the tubes in his throat are starting to leak blood steadily. Those are the very last signs before his carotid arteries just give way and he'll bleed to death. They don't expect him to last out the week, so Mama's staying home. As a result, there's absolutely no discipline in the marketing room and production has gone from 60 bookings per night to 33 last night. It had Brooklyn pissed, I'll tell you that. He ranted and raved for several minutes at my new desk last night. Personality conflicts are starting to abound in the telemarketing room and, while I'm distanced from it because I'm not in there constantly, it's still irritating. This is your job. You come here to work. So ... work. Period. I'm not looking forward to hearing what Big Bossman has to say when he sees the numbers from last night. No doubt he'll ask Miss New-Rican - who wasn't even there - and then come to me. What can I say? "Your managers suck?" "You've got a horrible crew?" Right. And I'd get slapped silly for those, if only verbally. It's the truth, though. I must admit that I'm glad I have the release I have to come home to. At the moment, if I didn't have role playing, I'd probably be drinking myself silly. Or doing something slightly more illegal. Between my imagination and Dark Soul's lately, I'm able to get the worst of the frustrations out in an innocent manner without hurting anyone. Well, almost anyone. I think the character I role played last night kinda torqued off one particular person, but he'll get over it. If he doesn't want to see me play that character, he doesn't have to stay in the same chatroom, y'know? Anyhow, Roomie's just about ready to head off to work, so I'd better head on out. Maybe I'll get the chance to write a little more later tonight. Reminder to self: Remember to write out a little of the discussion that you and Miss New York had last night. It was rather interesting. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Black Sabbath - (Don't remember the name, it's on the radio) (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2000
7:57 pm	Well, it's Monday again My life is going very cyclically lately. Monday through Friday I have more of a chance of getting an update done than anytime during the weekend. Why? Because I never quite know what the hell I'm going to be doing on a given weekend, and this last one was no different. Friday was rather entertaining. I got to go over to meet up with a guy I haven't seen in over a year and have a little get together with him, PR and PRW. We ended up meeting up at a bar and yours truly got more than a little toasty. Between the modified screwdrivers, the rum shots, and the other stuff that I vaguely remember - like a modified "chocolate milk" because there was no kahlua but plenty of amaretto - there wasn't much to be done but snicker at each other and trade stories. Now the guy I went to see is an old old old friend from when I used to work with this crew down here before. He's one of the few that didn't follow after Big Bossman to work with him again. We all got to talking about Halloween and Renn Faires that are coming up (big one in Sarasota that we're all going to head to when it comes around since PRW has never been), the FSU/Miami game that was this past weekend, and what happened last year when PR, PRW and this guy went to the game. My dear boy decided to make a bet with PR that FSU would win the game. If they didn't, he'd shave his head as bald as PR is. FSU lost. He's now bald. And I had to laugh my butt off. Serves him right for making a bet while drinking vodka and OJ followed by several other alcoholic beverages! Anyway, Saturday I managed to make it out to a Halloween store that's around the corner from my house and blow a wad of money. Between the blacklight bulbs, the full-length satin gloves, and the fangs, I spent a bit more than I anticipated. I expected to spend about $20, and that's what I did with the gloves and fangs, but then I found the blacklight bulbs that I've been searching for to put in the track-lights I have in my bedroom. There went another $20 so I could have enough to last me until I find another supply. Now I've just gotta go back for the bullwhip I saw and the scar makeup so I can go to the Halloween party I'm planning on attending as my merc. Yep, you read right, Humor. RhyDin's favorite smart-ass former mercenary is going to come to life for Halloween. What sucks is that I don't have anyone to play her "demon-mine" or the ever-sarcastic Drow that wants to bond with her. Not like anyone but the players could effectively portray either character, but damn it would be fun! Of course, my merc isn't a vampire, but I've gotta wear the fangs just to freak out Big Bossman. He kept hollering "NO GOTH!!" at me after I dyed my hair black, so now I've gotta do the whole bit if only to watch him roll his eyes and run to hide. This Halloween should be fun. Back to this weekend, though ... Saturday night I test drove my fangs just to see how they fit. I definitely need the adhesive to keep them on my teeth due to the fact that ... well ... I really should've had braces when I was a kid. On top of that, my teeth are really small. So, the fangs kinda overlap both my incisors and canines (if I'm remembering the names correctly). It really doesn't matter much though, I guess, since the fangs just sorta stand out when I smile. No one looks at my other teeth. C~ pulled the standard that he did when I dyed my hair last night. Now, one thing you have to realize is that C~ is a true blonde. I mean, a true blonde. The stereotypical blonde for the most part. When I dyed my hair, I was walking back and forth in the apartment while C~ chattered away and between one word and the next, Roomie and I both heard: "Oh my God! Her hair's black! T!! Your hair is black!" It broke Roomie and I into gales of laughter because the reaction was so delayed. Well, C~ pulled that again last night. Chattering away a mile a minute while I talked back with him looking right at me, and then - again in the middle of a sentence - "You've got fangs!" Roomie and I just lost it all over again and I had to fight not to grin too broadly. Sometimes C~ can just be too much fun, though I'm still not looking forward to having him as a roommate. Welp, I'd better get back to work for now. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll be here all night and I have a play date with Dark Soul tonight. Dark's back from the Con with a slew of new ideas that get to be test-run on me. Not that I mind. I must get "Trigun Machine" so I can see this Vash the Stampede that Dark's introduced to me. I've seen the pics of him, and he's just ... just ... yum! Even if he does have a ton of scars and a cybernetic arm. Then again, there hasn't been a single character Dark's pointed me to that I haven't gone, "Oh my" over. Then again, I'm also a very sick puppy. No comments from the peanut gallery, thank you. Until later... P.S. Dark, the whole world must know I'm talking about you! Look at what song's playing! I just started rolling when it started for the main reason that it's one two of our characters often quote at each other. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Ted Nugent - "Cat Scratch Fever" (Comment on this)
Friday, October 6th, 2000
3:17 pm	Thoughts and ponderings It's another quiet day at work today, so I have a few minutes to update this journal. I seem to be keeping up with this a little more lately than I have before which, considering my schedule, is a little odd. But hey, at least those that decide to read this can keep abreast of what's been happening in my life since I don't usually see them online any more. The office is slowly taking shape around me with all of the changes being done. Not that this is a bad thing ... I'm just not relishing the idea of not having my own office any more. It's been so much easier to have the telemarketers put the leads and whatnot in a bin for me to pick up as it gets full than to have them scattered on my desk. Gods, the first day we started this particular project and they did that, I just about lost it. I pointed to my in-bin outside my office and said, "That's what this is for, guys. Use it, will ya?!" They learned quickly. Now they're going to have to learn all over again after I figure out what the hell I'm going to do to keep my desk from being littered with all sorts of papers and turned into a pile of muck. I'm really going to miss this office. I get moved, more than likely, on the 10th or 11th of this month, and bye bye privacy. To say this is sad is an understatement. However, I'll be amongst people again. This has its good points and its drawbacks. I was discussing the situation with Brooklyn the other day and he came up with a very apt description for me. "You just want everything you do and everything around you to be perfect. Organized, efficient, and perfect." That is so true. Any project I take on has to wind up the best it can be or else I feel like it's a personal failure on my part. And I don't like failure, especially in a business aspect. Hell, I don't like failure in any aspect. When I work on any project - web pages, graphics, story writing - I take the time to make it the best that it can be. That's what's gotten me as many comments as it has both at work and online. When I decide to do something and put my mind to it, the end result has to work and work well or I go back in and screw with it all until it does work properly. That's why I handcode my web pages, build my own graphics from scratch, and write stories with only the minimum amount of necessary interaction with others. I'm disgustingly realistic, too. Anyone can see that in the characters I play and write for. If it's not plausible, it doesn't happen. If my character is injured, they have to take their own sweet time about healing up. They get slammed with some sort of danger or overwhelmed with just about anything, they go nuts for a while. Each has their own fears, weaknesses, and drawbacks. Well, I'm the same way with everything else. And y'know, Miss New York just came into my office to follow up on another conversation we had yesterday about work ethics. It's almost funny, but disgustingly angering at the same time. She was telling me about the group of worthless gits that were here this morning to supposedly "work." Of course, nothing got done. Miss New York told me, "I just thought of you when they were acting like it was party-time earlier this morning. If you had walked in, I know exactly what would have gone through your mind because it went through mine, too." And what would've gone through my mind would've been something along the lines of: "You worthless excuses for employees. Do you hear the phone ringing? Answer it, damn it! We're still a business even if the customer calls have gone down." It's a pain in the arse to know that you're one of the few who actually does the job they're supposed to do. Yeah, I have time to do this, but that's because my work is completed up until the 21st, and there's really nothing else I can do but wait for customer call-backs. The filing is done. The confirmation sheets are all made up. Ah, but I did just think of one thing I can be doing rather than this, so I'd better get to it. The room is going to need more lead sheets, so let me go make up another original since the same dimwit that was partying this morning instead of doing her job cut up the last original and put it out on the floor. And people wonder why I'd rather do things myself. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: ZZ Top - Under Pressure (WHTQ 96.5 radio) (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 5th, 2000
7:55 pm	Momentary lapse of reason I have no idea what the subject line of this entry means other than the fact that it came to mind ... and the ears ... as this particular update page came up. Pink Floyd's coming from the radio at the moment here at work, so I figured it would be a decent title for this quickie update. Not much is going on today. Then again, I should say that not much is going on for me today. Roomie got his butt royally chewed for screwing up his computer and hence a part of the network server when he tried (and failed) to update the version of AOL he had on his work computer. I'm still wondering just how he managed to screw up so badly when I had no problem at all with mine. He just tweaked with something, I guess, that he shouldn't have tweaked with. Pissed the computer guy off something awful, though, and the Office Manager wasn't too keen on it either. Things've been slow for me, though. I'm caught up on my work clear up to the 21st of this month, so I've actually got a little time on my hands. All of the deals have been entered into the system that have been gotten tonight, so I just need to wait for the folk out on the telemarketing floor to get off of their duffs and do some more work. Not like that'll happen. I just looked up out of my office doorway to see Brooklyn giving a rather vicious noogie to the Tweak. The Tweak is the one who slapped my arm a few days after I got my tat (the picture I use for this page and my "identity" is my own beef up of said tattoo) and just about got himself decked for the effort. Apparently Tweak did something to tick Brooklyn off, so Brooklyn and the Italian ganged up on him. A yelp, noogie, and kick in the arse later, they're back out on the telemarketing floor. Sometimes I really wonder about the folk I work with. I think we're all certifiable, y'know? Insanity is a part of the job description. I just wonder how long it'll be until Tweak really gets his arse kicked but good. Italian's already had him in a choke hold on the floor with his fist reared back to give the Tweak a rearranged face once, but he got ahold of his temper just in time and let Tweak go. Pity. Then Brooklyn's backed Tweak up against a wall and came close to rearranging his entire body for him, but again, managed to contain himself just before doing the dirty deed. Then you've got me. I'm not violent at all, and I've had to tell Tweak to get the hell away from me on more than one occasion so I didn't lose my temper and flatten him. Tweak doesn't come near me much any more, though. Probably because the last time he really pissed me off, I looked up at him with death in my eyes and told him, "I would suggest you stay well out of my way until you leave tonight, Tweak." When he asked me why, I answered, "Because I'm about this ... " and I held up one hand with index and thumb about a millimeter apart " ... far from beating your ass for you." He did the smart thing and got away from me. Anyway, it's a slow day and I think I'm going to go drive another nail into my coffin before I get back to work. Maybe I'll just go to bed when I get home. I'm actually tired today. Later, folks! Current Mood: calm Current Music: Eric Clapton - After Midnight (Comment on this)
12:05 am	Tonight was better Well, after that rather irritated entry I put in earlier, things got better. Not much, but better. Mama, the telemarketing floor manager, actually made it in today. The Hospice folk are trying to get her to distance herself a bit from her husband who is on the far side of his battle with cancer. It's only a matter of weeks, most likely, before he dies so they want her to get herself out and about and back to work so it'll be a little easier on her when he does finally die. I tell ya, Mama's a mess. All I could do was give her a big hug and let her know I loved her. Other than that, tonight was fairly quiet. I got all of my work done in a reasonable amount of time and even managed to pop online for a few minutes at the tail end of my day to say hey to a few folk I haven't seen in quite a while online. Of course, it wasn't for nearly long enough, but hey ... at least I got to yak with them for a little bit. Right now, though, I'm just hanging out waiting for Dark Soul to get back from wherever they went. Dark's heading off to a Con tomorrow, so I won't get to talk to them again until Monday and they wanted to finish up a little scenario we'd started last night. Dark's imagination is wonderful, and we had a blast playing "me" against a were-leopard who got into a territorial dispute with a tomcat over who had rights to be scritched by "me." It was rather entertaining since I was playing the tom as well as myself. 'Course, the tom was the cat I had to leave behind in Georgia when I moved, so that made it even more fun. Picture this: A li'l ole black tomcat with a crooked tail comes loping in from the shadows to find a big ole were-leopard laying with it's head in "my" lap half asleep being scritched around the ears. Li'l ole black cat doesn't think twice about it at the moment but plops down to watch until "I" summon it over. Mister Were-Leopard gets a hint upset as the other cat approaches and gets up to stretch. That's when li'l tomcat actually sees Mister Were-Leopard and darts around behind "me." Mister Were-Leopard glares at the tom-cat for a second, then jumps into the rafters. Li'l tomcat pokes his head out and starts sniffing around where Mister Were-Leopard had been. Mister Were-Leopard gets pissed and growls. Here comes classic Halloween kitty syndrome! Tomcat freaks out and gets the bottle-brush tail and the works. Mister Were-Leopard straightens up on the rafter and hisses at the tomcat. Hophop goes the tomcat and a yowl-growl (I know we've always heard it at one time or another) issues from it. Mister Were-Leopard jumps down into view again, crouched and ready to spring on the tomcat. Tomcat freezes, stares at Mister Were-Leopard with a look that would echo "oh shit" if said tomcat could speak English and tomcat turns rather meek. Mister Were-Leopard growls at the tomcat, and tomcat goes buh-bye! Zero to mach five in point three seconds, tail streaming out behind that rapidly moving arse as though it couldn't keep up as the tomcat darted into the shadows. Unfortunately, that's where Dark Soul punted. We want to continue that little scene since it was so damned entertaining to play. This has been how I've relaxed over the last several nights. Just doing non-sensical play to keep the creative juices going even though it has nothing to do with a storyline. It's the first time I've ever really done that, and it's rather cathartic. I just don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to stay awake tonight. It's been a long day and a bad one at that, so I may not wait long for Dark to get back. They're probably on the phone working out last minute plans for the Con, and that could take the rest of the meager time I have alotted to play. But we'll see. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Queen - Killer Queen (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2000
3:00 pm	Efforts in futility Y'know, sometimes I really wish I could just say "To hell with it," pick up and take a day off. If I could do that, I'd be doing it today without a doubt. The entire office is in upheaval and, on top of that, I just got treated like an idiot by the general manager of another office of our company. To say the least, I am not a happy camper. The extent of the discussion was something along the lines of his secretary calling me to ask if anyone from our office had just called the DeLand office to talk to the GM. Considering the fact that everyone here is in the process of moving the office around, I told her I didn't think so but that I'd check. I did so, no one had called to talk to the GM, and so I came back and told her so. Well, the GM got on the phone and asked me if Big Bossman had his cell phone on him. I told him that he most likely did, but that he was up in the NorthEast at the moment on vacation. That's when he started treating me like an imbecile and raised my hackles. Now I know why the woman he's with is with him - she has a thing for men who treat her not only like crap but also like an inferior for the simple fact that she's a woman. Shall we say that, should I have met up with this GM face to face for a job interview of any sort, I would've told him to take his company and shove it. Now I just need to smooth my hackles down so I can get back to work. I kid you not, being treated like that is something that no one should have to go through. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell the guy off, but I couldn't. It wouldn't have been politic nor would it have been good business sense. Anyway, time to get back to work. I've gotta help the office manager get a desk moved before the shift starts tonight. Maybe I'll have a better night than day. One can hope! Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Rush - Dunno the name, it's on the radio (Comment on this)
12:01 am	Welcome to the jungle... I really shouldn't be trying to compose this right now. I'm in a very negative frame of mind, and that's never good when you're trying to write something from a relatively unbiased viewpoint. Who am I to claim to be unbiased, though? I'm opinionated and, in a word, a bitch. That's a compliment when most people are refering to me. Today was a crazy day at work. Y'see, with all of the downsizing, that means we're moving offices. What this means is that administration is all going to be in one area - customer service will have their own little space, Big Bossman will have his own space, the accountant will have her own space though it will be shared with the office supplies, and all of the rest of us get grouped into one room. This means myself, Office Manager, Miss New York, and Miss New-Rican will all be in the same room. This should be entertaining. The most entertaining part of it, though, is the fact that I am going to be the very last one moved. Y'see, last week the computer guys came out and disconnected all of the network cables over on the side of the office we're moving to. The others can sorta do their jobs without that network connection, but everything I do has do be done with files on the main server. So what happens? Confirmation got moved today. Miss New-Rican gets moved tomorrow as well as the accounant. Office Manager probably on Thursday, and then Big Bossman on Friday. That will leave me completely alone on the side of the office I'm on now. Kinda like I was when there was no one working there at night other than me, but this time from the time I go in until the time I leave. I'll be all by myself until the computer guys come back next week and hook up the network over on that side of the office again and then I'll get my desk and everything moved. When I heard about the arrangements, all I could do was shake my head, look at the Office Manager and give him a look that spoke volumes about how this was being handled. He gave me a look in return of resignation and made little sucky sounds at me. That's typical of the Office Manager when he's frustrated, though. He's a kick. That really is the only thing making this job for me right now. The people I work with. If it weren't for them, I'd've told this job to shove it a long time ago and moved on to something else. As is, the accountant made no bones about telling anyone and everyone on Monday that I was wasted in the position I'm doing right now. "She's sharp as a tack and she should be doing so much more than what we have her doing." Office Manager chimed in and I ended up flaming red with my head ducked down because, frankly, I'm not used to that type of praise. What generated that praise was the fact that the Accountant couldn't, for the life of her, figure out how to import an Excel file into QuickBooks. Now, if you've ever dealt with QuickBooks, you know that in order to import something, you have to basically "program" the file inside of Excel in order for QuickBooks to recognize each of the fields and plug them into the right areas. It had her stumped. She called me in to help and within a half hour, I'd figured it out and explained it to her in layman's terms exactly what she had to do. She was floored. Then my computer died on Thursday at work. I got the "new" one on Monday. The new one is rebuilt and what the person who used to do the zonning for the company used. It's pretty decent - Pentium 233 with 32 meg RAM and a 4 gig HD, CD-ROM and 3 1/2" floppy drive. Better than most of the computers there. Well, we got it hooked up and Office Manager went bonkers because the monitor wasn't working correctly. I shrugged and said it was probably that the drivers needed updated. He screwed around with it for a while and finally told me to go get another computer. Well, none of the other computers had the printer port that I needed, so we got stuck with this one. He said he'd screw with it later. I just kinda looked at him, let him go, unhooked everything and rehooked everything, turned the computer on and voila! Windows recognized the new monitor, updated the drivers and, bingo! I had a working computer. But now the printer wasn't working. Peachy. He screwed with that, came up baffled again and told me that he'd open the tower today to take a look. Of course, they were moving the office around today so I knew there was no way he'd have time. I plunked my butt down on the floor next to my desk, opened the tower and took a peek inside. Well, there was the problem! Neither of the printer ports was hooked into the blasted motherboard! A quick plugin later, a download of the updated drivers, and voila, I had a working printer! If folk can't find the Office Manager at work and they're having computer problems, they come to me now. Sometimes even before the Office Manager. Why? Because I know what the hell I'm doing and can usually fix things without taking everything apart. I can also usually explain it in layman's terms so they know what not to do again. It's kinda funny in a way. Kinda sad in another. I'm good at my job, but I'd be so much better in another position only there's no other position for me to move into yet. Something tells me, though, that if we lose the computer guys that we have now, Office Manager and I will become the computer team as well as our other respective positions. That'll be peachy if Big Bossman will foot the bill to send me to a couple of classes. I'd be happy with that! Anyway, it's been a long day and some distraction is beckoning. I think maybe I'll either go let my imagination loose in my writing or toy with graphics. Or maybe I can get the player behind a certain blue haired, red eyed, pointy earred mage to play for a bit. I think I could handle that. I'm outta here! Current Music: CTBot - Warlock Battle (Comment on this)