Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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8:33 am
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In case someone was wondering what the Hell this is all about, I tried to cut all ties.
Last night I finally decided I couldn't take this anymore, hypocritically enough.
Some...large part of me regrets what I did. I've never been able to make a clean break easily and the longer I wait, the harder it gets. Simple. Additionally, it's never a good idea to keep people close to you who can/have hurt me that much.
Whatever. I felt like shit and now, the morning after, I still sort of feel that way. But that's what the morning after's for, right?
Seeing someone change dramatically over a short period of time when they're no longer really in your life is one of the most depressing things there is to me. I would rather just distance myself and keep the memory of how they were.
I'll get better. Time to focus on poverty.
current mood: Just fucking delighted.
current music: silence.
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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4:29 pm - Ugh.
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I seem to have contracted the Martian Death Flu(tm).
From Thursday night through right now the fever has been hellish. I look back and realize I've been sick almost the entire month of January. This is just something I really don't need right now, on top of everything else.
current mood: sick
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, January 1st, 2005
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2:58 am - New Year!
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It's done. It's so done.
I'm so finished with all this. 2005 will be glorious.
Imagine a voice you've been hearing for years and years finally coming to prominence. Glorious. I also don't need the garbage I've been carrying around anymore. I regret not doing some things that I should have done. But who knew it would turn out this way?
"Should-haves" are meaningless. Right?
current mood: Done. Lots of mead too.
current music: Snog - Justified Homicide
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
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8:36 pm - It's ON!
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I've absolutely had it. I can't sleep here anymore. When making noise complaints about neighbors does "the loudest sex on the most beat-up, squeaky bed in existence upstairs at 5 AM" hold any water?
Because, if this happens one more night, I'm trying it. On the plus side, I do know some cool new phrases in Spanish from this proceeding.
I may wait on the noise complaint and see how someone likes the genius of Jim Thirlwell while they're attempting to sleep. But I don't like escalating these conflicts.
current mood: Tired.
current music: Madder Mortem - Resonatine
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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4:02 pm
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Spending Christmas in a solitary vacuum hasn't been as bad as I envisioned it. Not that I ever really celebrated the holiday in any stretch, but, I suppose I'm the sort of person that likes the celebrate any holiday, in the sense that I gather together with a pack of people I rarely see all at once and have a riotous good time. That's really all I care about, it's just easier to facilitate when there's a calendar date to attach to it.
Last night I spent some time with some old and some new friends, all at once. Just a few, and nobody I really knew that well but it was enjoyable.
Not getting sucked into an incestuous orbit of the same human misery is probably a very good strategy for how to work things at this point.
2004 is almost gone. Which makes me very, very glad. There is, however, something inherently creepy to me about anxiously waiting for time to pass. It's a little like throwing bits of your life away. I hope New Year's is a blast but I'm not really holding my breath. However, there are some distinct bright spots on my horizon. I just need to make the right decision.
I'm off to see "Life Aquatic."
current mood: Tired.
current music: Ice Cube and George Clinton - Bop Gun (one nation)
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Friday, December 24th, 2004
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7:29 pm - On the run.
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I basically decided that that my ideal plan is to get out of Vegas, after discussing some plans with a few people. As fast as possible. Even before going to school. I can't stand it here anymore. There's no way I'm going to be able to survive the coming year unless I leave, as soon as possible.
Which creates problems, of course.
I've gotten a few responses from places in other cities while job-hunting. We'll see.
current mood: paranoid
current music: Mr Bungle - None ofThem Knew They Were Robots
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Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
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7:49 pm
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Australia's going nuclear? Seriously? When did this happen?
I remember hearing stories of how American ships had to lie about their status to make it into Australian waters, and now this?
Way to go, guys. Detonating shit in the Outback. That giant fucking Kangaroo in "Welcome to Woop Woop" will suddenly be a very real thing.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! I'm going back into my cave now. Soon, even New Zealand won't be safe.
current mood: Giant mutant kangaroo.
current music: Opeth - To Bid You Farewell
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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10:45 pm
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I have joined the ranks of the angry bald men. Fear me.
Combined with my current battle scars I look like a cross between a prison inmate and...well, a prison inmate.
Scary.
current mood: Laughing at all this.
current music: The Lost in Translation soundtrack
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 12th, 2004
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4:01 pm
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I now have more persimmons than I know what to do with. This is insane.
current mood: Fructose coma
current music: Chameleons - Is it any Wonder?
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Saturday, December 11th, 2004
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3:53 pm - Those Latins were hard, man!
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Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio, et excrucior.
Is this what I was studying Latin for? Just a reminder that there is nothing new in the human heart.
When I was much younger, I used to dwell on how there were so many things I couldn't forgive. I've come to understand now, though that there are so many things I can.
Whatever happens, happens. I'm not the best person in the world myself.
A person can have the best intentions, and try so hard at something important but in all the wrong ways. So much so that the impending failure just crushes you. I resolved this conundrum in my head.
current mood: I don't know, but I'll be fine
current music: Guitar strumming.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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8:03 am - NON SERVIAM.
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God: 4(Or maybe 5, I dunno).
Me: 0(Or maybe 1. But that's being generous).
But I'm willing to hit below the belt. I haven't completely shed the idea of becoming a Jesuit. What do you do when I'm ON YOUR PAYROLL? Hahahahaha!
current mood: Swamptime.
current music: Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts are for Assholes
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
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5:25 pm - Here we go again.
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I came home from work to find that, ta-da, my apartment is flooded. It seems that that leaky water heater that I've been bitching to them about for two weeks finally exploded. I got a new water heater and some half-assed carpet pad replacement out of the deal. Still, the place is a mess. Nothing was really ruined though. Yet.
In New York, we refer to people like this as "slum lords" and there are protections against them. Seems the fine redneck laws that apply in this state though also don't give a flying shit about tenants. Wonder what my options are, hmm?
Another reason that this whole region must be cleansed of human life. At least whitey. The Atzlan would get their wish if I had my way. This whitey is going bye-bye as soon as he can.
current mood: Fuming
current music: None, because I don't wanna turn the goddamn speaker on.
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Sunday, December 5th, 2004
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8:02 pm - HEL-LAS!
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Occasionally the buzzing drone of the TV contains something interesting. Anyone out there know of any good books that have a really good, deep portrayal Turkish-controlled Greece? (in a heavily descriptive sense).
Fascinating stuff.
current mood: Give me some goddamn olives.
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4:36 am - The genie's out of the bottle, this day will live in infamy.
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Ho yeah!
It's about time! Remember, children. that hard work perserverence, and, well, trust are what'll get you someplace in life. Remember all that shit they lumped over your shoes when you were a child? I don't know if it's even remotely real. That big kid on the playground, the bully, may be a vulnerable and pained soul inside but the fact of the matter is he's kicking your ass right then and there.
I can see that twisted, hateful hag Ayn Rand's corpse rising out of the ground and taunting me, saying, "see?" Losing innocence is a bitch.
current mood: Irrelevant
current music: Tom Waits - Who Are You?
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Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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6:01 am - This is a new low.
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My cat decided to urinate on my bed while I was asleep. She doesn't seem to do it in any other place and I am starting to wonder just if she's in cahoots with all the other demonic forces conspiring to bring my life to ruin.
Well, maybe not demonic. But there's something malevolent at work here. Anyway, I read something somewhere that she's "over-attached" to me. Everything gels. Oh well, time to just barricade my door at night and wear some earplugs. And say goodbye to the carpet.
I feel like I'm exaggarating. I can cope with anything better after a huge dinner. Oh yes. Aloo Baingan.
current mood: Smelly.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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9:41 pm - "Repression breeds death obsession, which leads to bad politics."
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While I realize Hakim Bey is more often than not a total wank and a construct persona to begin with, his ramblings sometimes touch something very primal in me.
Needless to say we reject all censorship by Church & State-- but "after the revolution" we would be willing to take individual & personal responsibility for burning all the Death Squad snuff-art crap & running them out of town on a rail. (Criticism becomes direct action in an anarchist context.) My space has room neither for Jesus & his lords of the flies nor for Chas. Manson & his literary admirers. I want no mundane police--I want no cosmic axe-murderers either; no TV chainsaw massacres, no sensitive poststructuralist novels about necrophilia.
In short, "he" (Peter L.? I don't even know anymore but that's not truly important) said it as well as I ever could. I've shut out more "counterculture" than I ever thought I would in recent days just by enacting this.
On a similar note, this probably relates to why Andy Warhol always leaves me cold. Yes, you got your point across. It was rather miniscule and isn't telling me anything else that is really doing anything for me. A clever little one-time joke - and nothing more.
current mood: aggravated
current music: New Model Army - Wonderful Way To Go
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(comment on this)
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2:55 am - This costs $1.05 too.
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Subject header on email spam -
"CREDIT = FREEDOM."
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. It all makes sense now!
current mood: HA HA HA!
current music: HAW HAW HAW!
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(comment on this)
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Friday, November 5th, 2004
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1:00 pm - Something I've been wondering.
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I consider this more about the world at large, rather than political.
Does anyone out there know the details on this, the provisions? I know I've got a couple Canadians who occasionally read this thing, plus at least one person from the U.K.
I've heard that Britain is slated to join the E.U. in this decade. What sorts of ramifications does this have for the commonwealth? Do things like trade, immigration, and the like still apply? And if so, are they transferrable? Does this mean people living in Canada or New Zealand for example, or goods shipped from these places will still have an easier time finding their way around these nations including the U.K.? And if this is the case? And what about India?
OH MAN.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but what we might well be looking at is a dramatic re-alignment of the global power structure. Still, I'm going to hold my judgement until I'm informed by someone who knows a little better.
current mood: Interesting.
current music: Super Furry Animals - Mario Man
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Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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4:16 am - Extroverted post.
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There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. The apple cart wasn't upset, it was tipped over and its contents scattered over the road right before a team of clydesdales came thundering on down. The result - a big mess and a trashed wagon. But some of the dirty details can be glossed over for now. What I'm immediately thinking about is quite simple:
The masses have spoken. Although I'm not discounting some funny business in the voting process(and I keep a tinfoil hat in the closet for special occasions, I'll never be rid of it and that is fine), George W. Bush has a clear mandate now, although not by a huge landslide. It was enough.
I'm going to avoid the self-proclaimed 'expert' commentary favored by some because, Hell, I wasn't in these places. I don't know. But what I see is simple - everything was reduced to partisanship and media spin, and Bush had some big things on his side. This will probably piss off some people reading but understand that, if you're angry or offended, this is merely my take on things and we probably agree on the key issues that matter. I'm spewing all this out because I feel it needs to be aired. Unless you're a Bush supporter. Then we'll never see eye to eye. Sorry.
( Read more... )
current mood: Nothing good.
current music: Wire - Trash Treasure
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, October 17th, 2004
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7:52 pm - It's beginning...
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