Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
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12:07 am - Your beauty
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Your beauty is mysterious
Being both seen and unseen
Existing in most, fading in some
To me it radiates, leaves me blind
I have peered into the sun far too long
But my eyes still seeing
Some cant bear to look for too long
Affraid to become blind.
Not I.
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12:03 am - The Great War
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In a world consumed oft by visions of fate
as well as firey hate
It becomes our great war
to estinguish fires so great
We must choose the weapons we use to fight
Some choose flaming swords or hellish hordes
Some choose to ignore
At the front lines of the battle in my soul
I find Consolation that makes me whole
Love burning ever so bright
Helps me face these dreadful deamons
In the dead of night
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Monday, October 8th, 2001
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10:37 am - Futility
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Thought you could be different
Thought you could love me again
You lied
Love Ideas Memories Thoughts
Smashed
Personalities wrought of adamantine values
The guardian of time laughs in my face
The war has begun.
Logic my razor sharp weapon i wield
Faded memories of what was yesterday
Shades of grey in my mind void of living color
A lone warrior the final victim of the ultimate battle
wonders the battle fields once again...
Covered with corpses and blood and gore the battle field
is inviting him.
Alone the warrior walks again, alone.
current mood:  blah
current music: Limp Bizkit
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Sunday, October 7th, 2001
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5:04 pm - Quote
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"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. " - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
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Friday, June 29th, 2001
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1:40 am
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Well, well. It's you again. I knew you would be reading this journal entry. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Me?" Yeh, you. As amazing and weird as this post might seem, you have something you are hiding from me and I know what it is. dont pretend like I dont know. You think im stupid, thats it. You think that im just something you like to fuck around with and then just leave. Well, I have a new insight for you. Im not for you to fuck around with.I will brake you and smash you. I will throw you across the room then beat you to death with my sheer will power to get over it all.
<rawr>i hate to end this in-fucking-credible convo but i think im going to go re-discover jesus now.
ωνω SignOff: iamevil (Ping timeout)
<cwj> heh
<rawr> AND HERE HE IS
<rawr> JESUS HIMSELF
<rawr> hallelujia
current mood:  creative
current music: Paul Oakenfold - Drug Smugglerz
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Thursday, June 28th, 2001
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2:31 am
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Why does life have to be so shitty. I fucking cant handle this. I have fun in groups then when im alone my thoughts go back to every fucking thing. I cant stand this, i *cant stand it.* jesus christ this is shitty. i wish something could help, but i guess only time can help. i still check her clubs cause she loved doing it so much when we were togeather and now she hasnt posted in a week and i get fucking sick because i know they are togeather doing something. this is my only outlet to vent until i start kung fu again on friday. I CANT STAND THINKING. Just when you think you are up you are down. i need to get a fucking grip.
current mood:  depressed
current music: monkies fucking
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Wednesday, June 27th, 2001
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12:07 am - so like..
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Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
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12:42 am - i hate subjects
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So, im sitting here at scott's house downloading mp3s. my music collection is almost reaching 10GB. I love music. I got everything else taken away from me today when my home directory was deleted and my account disabled. This also means that i had to go back to using mindspring(earthlink). This is the account i let adrianna use on the old laptop i gave her. Im not sure what they will do if they see two of the same account connecting. some isp's dont care. maybe it will bump me off, i dont know. Im not going to change the password cause im not that mean. I dont have it in me to be mean at all, really. Oh well. I hate the healing process. Id rather have all the hurt tjrown into 2 hours, and then be better, then to have it drawn out over a peroid of time like this. Oh well, life goes on. "You never know what the tide will bring in."
current mood: blah
current music: Fiona Apple - Criminal
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Monday, June 25th, 2001
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12:34 pm - god
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this morning they removed my whole damn user directory at ex-work without any warning. damnit i am pissed.
current mood:  angry
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, June 21st, 2001
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11:20 am - yep
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It is Thursday morning. I woke up at around 9:30am. I managed to get out of jury duty for the 2nd time, so thats a good thing. I got a pay check today and found out my really large pay check is on its way, which will make things alot eaiser. I think im going to buy tickets to Jambo Freakin Ree, with godsmack, deftones, and lots of others.
current mood:  crazy
current music: Chemical Brothers - Leave Home
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Wednesday, June 20th, 2001
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1:11 am - yay for today
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Well today was pretty drab. It consisted of waking up at around 9:30am and playing computer games through out the day. Scott has the day off so thats where i am, just being lazy. Im actually looking forward to lifting alot of this laziness with a new job and bok-fu. Around 4 we decided we wanted to check out the new movie Swordfish ; 8:15 seemed like a decent time. Scott wanted me to call Karin up, cause i had talked to h er on AIM eariler. She was going to hang out with Kimmy and Adam, so he wanted me to ask her if they all wanted to go to the movie. But with the whole Karin not ever wanting to see Scott deal, she thought i was joking when i asked her. I only asked her cause scott wanted me to, oh well! I felt like an dumbass asking cause i knew what the response would be. I definately dont want her to think im a dumbass..
The movie was pretty entertaining. You dont find many movies out there where you can watch a guy getting his knob bobbed while hacking the FBI, and well, that gets an A+ in my list. In reality, it was a typical action film, but it had enough things in it to make it worth while. Lots of plot twists and other stuff. This film is strictly for escapism and definately doesnt have much to read in to.
I think im going to go to bed, i have been up downloading a few new albums such as the Swordfish ST which has remixed tracks mainly by Paul Oakenfold on it (whee), it seems like a rockin ST. And 2 others, the new 311 cd and Snoopafly.
So time t... Zzzzzz..
current mood: silly
current music: Sword Fish Soundtrack (Paul Oakenfold)
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Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
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12:55 am - need sleepy
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going to go to bed now .. im tired!
current mood:  sleepy
current music: none
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(comment on this)
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12:14 am - Alone
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This is just free style. I just made it up off the top of my head, after thinking about whats been going on.
"Alive again"
Alone in the darkness
No hope
No Light
No Exit
Shades of grey
Haze all around
Days turn in to years
what seem to turn in to light years
Days, weeks, months - all in one
Alone
Time passes
Tiny pinhole of light
Shades of White
Haze Lifting
It was you
You that gave me the needle
Pricked the tinest hole
watch it grow
Not alone, never alone
Vivid colors of infinity
Haze into morning dew
Sunrises, Sunsets
Life is beautiful
because of you
current mood: creative
current music: Adam Sandler - Toll Booth willy
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12:00 am - so ok
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Well, It's been almost a week since i have talked to my ex and its going well. Im having lots of fun with my new freedom and friends and girls. I got information on the dojo i will be learning kungfu at. its bok-fu white tiger style, its going to be great fun. I'm going to call karin tomarrow or wednesday to see what shes doing this weekend and to leave a nice happy message on her voice mail that hopefully she likes. I hope we can maybe hit something off.. I have a feeling about all of this.. and the first time we hung out was great. Anyways - we will see. Lots of exciting things..
current mood:  excited
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Monday, June 18th, 2001
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11:53 pm - Here I am!
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I am at scott's house playing nfs5. I am doing pretty good. This post sounds so un-intellegent its not funny. I might post some poetry type of stuff in a bit...
current mood:  amused
current music: game music
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Sunday, June 17th, 2001
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10:54 pm - la la lalala
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It goes around the world just la la la la la.
current mood:  horny
current music: Barry White
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2:08 am - oh yeh
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..i found a place im goiing to go back into on monday, its in roseville sort of by karin's house, its a nice dojo and they teach kungfu so im all over that..
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2:03 am - sup
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I am pretty baked and am sitting here listeninig to paul van dyk with randy. I was bored so i decided to write. It will probably sound especailly stupid right now but oh well, im a little stoned. My life is doing pretty well. more things to come. I still find myself stealthly reading some of her posts she makes to her clubs (they are public anyways). I need to stop that shit. I deserve more then to follow someone around just out of curioosity of what they will say about you next..
current mood: blah
current music: paul van dyk
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Thursday, June 14th, 2001
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11:22 am - talking
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talking on the phone with scott, i think im going to clean my car soon
current mood: amused
current music: DPG
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10:29 am - woke up quick..
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Woke up this morning, at around 10. I have an interview today with Psyberware at 3:30 in lincon. Hopefully that will go over will. Gonna give Karin and Scott and call after im done. I think im going to try to clean my car before i go there. Its a major project but i have to try..
Tomarrow or saturday will be martial arts dojo search day.. so yeh
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