Monday, November 4th, 2002
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11:26 am
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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
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9:43 pm
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Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
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8:09 pm
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I got the secod highest grade in English Comp. for my first paper of the semester.
I am so smrt.
current mood:  nerdy
current music: Ani - Talk To Me Now
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:39 am
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I have a job :-)
I went half-crazy from not working for a month. Oh money, how I've missed you. I'm getting paid to play with a very good, very quiet, three month old baby. And when he's asleep, I get to do my homework.
R0x0r.
current mood:  tired
current music: Ani - Fire Door
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
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3:30 pm
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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
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6:58 pm
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Tuesday, October 1st, 2002
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12:21 am
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It may be technically possible for me to get four degrees (two majors, two minors) from Lesley in only seven semesters.
It's all about the loopholes, baby.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 27th, 2002
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10:25 am
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the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
current mood: raining
current music: Ani - Grey
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, September 26th, 2002
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12:44 pm
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I need to relax.
The univers had better not try to pull any shit today.
current music: Cat Stevens - Trouble
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 23rd, 2002
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7:42 pm - My first collegiate essay
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Topic: An aspect of language
Broken English
As a child my words hung in the air for too long. My words twisted as they fell from my mouth like stones. I stuttered. No one translated my broken language. No one taught me theirs. My parents and teachers towered above me, telling me to slow down, not to slur my words and to “just say it.” I knew that I was not what they wanted. I did not fit into their mold of what I was supposed to be. They never understood my frustration with my own tongue.
I remember very clearly, the first time that I stuttered. I was in first grade and at day care, telling my best friend a story. He asked me to tell the story again, because he thought I sounded funny. As I told him again, one of the teachers came over to us and scolded me for making fun of people who stutter. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it. As I got older my stuttering worsened until I got to the point where I could not say one sentence properly.
My parents were ashamed of their stuttering child. Instead of trying to help me, they criticized me whenever I tried to speak. Or they would tell me to slow down, think about what I wanted to say before I said it, or to “spit it out.” I only felt worse when they told me this, because no matter how hard I tried, I could not do what they wanted. I was belittled for not speaking correctly, and eventually they simply ignored that there was a problem. They taught me that if I could not speak correctly, no one would take the time to listen to me.
My teachers were overworked and overburdened. They did not have time for a girl with a speech impediment. I was ashamed of how I talked. I knew that if they found out I that stuttered, they would treat me like I was stupid or disabled. I tried to get them to overlook me by staying quiet in class. They perceived my silence as shyness, so they tried to cure me of it by calling on me for every question. When I physically could not answer, they assumed it was because I was stupid. They assumed that since I could not read out loud, I could not read. They assumed that since I could not say my thoughts out loud, I had none.
Everyone in my life made me ashamed of trying to express what I thought or felt. They did not want a problem child or a problem student. They wanted a girl whose words flowed out perfectly and seamlessly. I was not that girl. Eventually I stopped talking altogether. I think they were relieved.
Stuttering is like being a prisoner inside one’s own skin. My inability to speak trapped me in a world of the written word. I became lost in a forest of books and writing. I was consumed with anger and sorrow. I knew that if I did not get my emotions out they would eat me up. I looked inside myself and found a treasure chest waiting to be opened. I unlocked words that I never could have hoped to say out loud. I learned that no one stutters on paper. I smoothed out the tangles of my language. I became a poet.
When I felt that I had something valuable to say, I began to talk again. I saw the surprised looks on people’s faces. It seems they had forgotten that I had ever spoken at all. They did not know what to make of me. I looked like a child, but spoke with a measured wisdom they had never seen in someone so young. Most people don’t think about how lucky they are to have the ability to communicate with someone else. I learned that words carry significance and meaning. I understand that language is power. I felt that if I was going to speak at all, I might as well say something important. I still stuttered, but people began to realize that the things I said carried weight, and they listened.
As I grew older, my stuttering slowly seeped away. I don’t understand why I stopped stuttering or if I will ever start again. I still despise the little demons that occasionally creep into my mouth and tangle up my tongue. Slowly I continue to conquer them. I am still not used to the sound of my own voice. I am still more eloquent on paper than in person. Words have become my history and my fortune. I am built from wit and wisdom. I am more than a poet. I am poetic.
current mood: learned
current music: The Cranberries - No Need To Argue
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 18th, 2002
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6:42 pm
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Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
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12:59 am - I have the coolest dorm room in the entire world.
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(at least on my side)
My roomate has a poster of Prince William on the wall.
At night.
His eyes.
They watch me.
current mood:  scared
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, September 16th, 2002
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1:56 pm - Rain rain go away....
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Luckily all of my classes today are in my building. Let's hear it for life's little victories.
I had a super awesome weekend.
I bought cool halloween icicle christmas lights. They're orange and purple and white. I want to nail them up but my roomate is napping.
Dammit.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 10th, 2002
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2:08 pm - Terrible horrible no good very bad day
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$400 dollars on books.
I bought the wrong kind of printer cable.
And my room is about 90 degrees right now.
current mood: crabby
current music: construction across the street
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 6th, 2002
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2:00 pm - My schedule r0x0rs your b0x0rs
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Monday: 2:30-3:45 English Comp., 4:00-5:15 Spanish
Tuesday: 9:30-10:45 Political Science, 11:00-12:15 Freshman Seminar
Wednesday: 2:30-3:45 English Comp., 4:00-5:15 Spanish
Thursday: 9:30-10:45 Political Science, 1:00-4:00 Folk Art
Friday: 11:00-12:15 Freshman Seminar
current mood: organized
current music: Morphine - The Night
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(comment on this)
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12:30 am - I didn't pay several thousand dollars to play the name game 42 times.
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For some reason Lesley is unheathily obsessed with the name game and other "icebreakers" of that ilk.
well I'm at school now. my roomate is sitting at her desk next to me, her name is Katie, she appears to be nice. Our room is pretty big (as far as dorm rooms go) and we have a huge window, however it overlooks construction. You win some, you lose some.
I'm registering for classes tomorrow (and I'm #22 in line! Woo!) And classes start on monday.
I have my last wisdom tooth coming in. It hurts.
current mood:  sore
current music: Ani - Fire Door
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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9:06 pm - Money Talks
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Oh horrible/wonderful money, how I love/hate you.
I extorted $200 dollars from Dave on monday to do a last minute birthday party.
I spent $200 dollars on new lenses and various medical bills.
Dammit.
However, I lost 10 pounds since my last physical. I'm in excellent health, and I got a referall to a really good back doctor. But the dentist is tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.
On the other hand I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!
current music: Amelie - L'autre Valse d'Amelie
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
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5:31 pm
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Thursday, July 25th, 2002
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9:34 am
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Oh and by the way, I got a 5 on my Environmental Science AP.
current mood:  pleased
current music: The Cranberries - Bosnia
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, July 20th, 2002
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5:38 pm
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stressed
optimistic
disappointed