Monday 24th January
4.32 pm | |
God, these antibiotics are making me feel shitty. So much for going to class today.
I would like it to be duly noted that my mom offered me ten dollars to find out what the words in Spanish and French were for "the gloaming."
I love my mom.
And for the record, it's el crepúsculo and le crépuscule.
Mood - shit-tay
Music - tap-tap-tap of the computer lab
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Monday 29th November
11.07 pm | |
♥Zozzerina and ♥Evantron | - Will have two evil kids.
- Can't stand to almost elope as it mightn't lead to pregnancy
- Are metaphorically attached at the hip.
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In other news:
Aaaaaack! Mercury is going into retrograde! Run for your liiiiiivessssss!
Martinis and Bikinis..
Zbad.
Mood -  sleepy
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Sunday 14th November
10.10 pm | |
I swear this is song is going to be the first dance at my wedding, that would be so awesome. Seriously, I love every verse of this song so much.
Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in.
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove.
Dance me to the end of love.
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone.
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon.
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of...
Dance me to the end of love.
Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on;
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long.
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above,
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in.
Touch me with your naked hand, touch me with your glove.
Dance me to the end of love.
Dance me to the end of love.
Sigh... Beautiful music.
Zoe.
Mood - um this song is amazing
Music - leonard cohen... dance me to the end of love
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Wednesday 3rd November
12.30 am | | So,
turn out the lights, cuz it's night on the sun. We're
hopelessly hopeless;
all hope's up for you.
It really drained me to hear my lover give up on something he'd been so energetic about. I guess, from my own viewpoint, I knew this would happen all along... Despite the fact that I am a cockeyed optimist. Realism has its place. I'm done watching polls; that was a bad idea. At least we can still make jokes in the face of defeat - thank the Lord for Jon Stewart. Who is the Lord so... What exactly am I saying here?
I guess he could still win? Whereupon Evan will buy me things from Sephora? Double yes??? Here's to the hope at the bottom of the box.
Love and Kisses
Zoe
Mood -  drained
Music - seemed appropriate.
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Thursday 28th October
9.40 am | |
So. Hmm. I'm doing okay. In the shower this morning, when I was washing my neck, I noticed my glands are completely swollen and sore to the touch. I don't feel too sick otherwise so I am wondering what that means to me. Huh.
Otherwise... Well, I am the biggest slacker ever and am not getting a lot of work done, so I decided to drop my World Issues because it's a lot of work for just two credits. And my other classes seem to be more relevant/necessary right now. Especially poetry. Mmm mm.
Gotta go to Spanish class. More, perhaps, later, on the subject of my wonderful weekend with my best friend/lover. And the package that Hannah sent. Hah.
Love and Kisses
Zoe.
PS TIFFANY you should get that job at the UPS Store so we can hang out and have good times over the holiday. Because I'm coming back to work during December. It'll be fun! Eh?
Music - Jon Auer....Gold Star for Robot Boy
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Tuesday 26th October
1.56 pm | |
This is my dream poem. I just wrote it. I'm not sure if it makes sense. I'm not sure if it's supposed to. I just wanted to see how it looked. There's a quote in it from a Travel Ministries Pamphlet someone forced on me today. Does it work?
Zoe.
prostitute
swathed in sheets, and
fully clothed, my body waited
woolen scarf catching my breath,
socks slipping off my pink heels
you wouldn't undress me that night, so I
didn't bother.
I mean, you weren't there.
a little pill and I too was out quick.
I entered
the warehouse where sister vomited
under a table,
her fist curling and uncurling against the ground.
go, go, she whispered,
open the door -
the futon, the lines of white powder
fully clothed, there he is, half-sitting, half-passed-
out.
"Death is like sex.
"I thought I was better prepared
than most to face death, but wasn't, I
was a virgin."
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Friday 22nd October
12.13 pm | | no one's gonna fool around with us.
God I wish I had written this song... It is one of my favorites of all time. Oh Chloé thanks for introducing Mr. Smith and I. Oh God curse you for taking him away from us. Sigh...
It is gloriously bitter and windy outside and everybody I saw walking to class was being a big baby about it. All huddled in their hoods and their jackets. I mean it was only drizzling. Perfect, really. Ahh.
I got my first issue of the Christian Science Monitor yesterday, it is a very good newspaper. Very nice to sit in the Underground drinking coffee in the most comfortable rocking chair ever and read. I do enjoy it.
I have decided that my decision to take seventeen credits my first quarter of college was a bit of a mistake. I have so much on my mind all the time and I'm convinced I have some sort of attention deficit (or I'm just lazy) because I really can't make myself do stuff. It's ridiculous. I'm fucking strung out. Aaaahhhhh.
I'm very much looking forward to the sex (and thus relaxation of the body) this weekend... In fact I can't think about anything else.
A thing that I am realizing is that more than ever I need poetry and music. Good lord, I do need them. My life, my life. My love, my love.
Martinis + Bikinis.
Zoe.
( Oh! A couple of poems I have written lately. )
Music - elliott smith........angeles
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Monday 18th October
8.58 am | |
Oh waking up in the morning and missing Evan down to my very bones really sucks. My mind believes I'll see him on Friday but my body believes I'll never see him again - my body feels betrayed. O why did I leave?
in the morning I'm out of my head I wish I was sleeping in your hospital bed...
Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh
Mood - lonesome
Music - Ben Kweller.....Hospital Bed
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Tuesday 12th October
1.33 am | |
I wrote this today! This is the first time in forever I've actually written something I like. You'll have to tell me what you think. Not that anyone ever does. I'm so glad I have a poetry teacher to criticize me now.
end time
action heroine crouches
on the tarmac in her grey
nylon, her hair soft light wisps being
pulled and twisted by coastal winds
the clouds hype up time, soaring, pink,
and her lover, lying on his back,
pulls a cigarette,
his bottom lip moistening the
filter.
his body pulses pulses a timer,
eyelash scratching stone beneath her expert
ear
with his beefy hand at the delta of her neck where her stressed
shoulders begin; he is the stalwart,
the villain.
and if you were the Christ
and if I were the anti-
would you disarm the bomb?
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Saturday 9th October
11.21 am | |
Hm. I never know what to write on this thing anymore but I do feel obligated to update.
Went home last weekend. It was amazing to see Evan, I just appreciated every moment so much. Given, there were some particularly appreciated moments, hehehe. And it was fun to hang at Meagan's and play with the kitty cat even if everybody talked all the way through Eternal Sunshine!! Damn youse. And we met Cockworm. *shakes fist*
This week has been pretty damn good. Even though I've been pretty sick since Sunday. This girl Sarah wrote me a note on my poem that she was critiquing so we started hanging out. We were feeling mutually uninspired so decided to go on a "vision quest" which turned out to be us waking up at 5:30 or so, working out without drinking or eating anything, sleeping for awhile, getting up, walking up Sehome Hill, smoking pot, and listening to Radiohead. Don't get me wrong, it was really beautiful, and I came back feeling very refreshed, and I actually wrote some poetry that night, but I sure didn't have any visions. I wasn't hungry enough I suppose. We're going to go on a non-ghetto one where we actually fast for a few days sometime soon though. Perhaps when the rain lets up.
I think mainly the reason I've been feeling so much more clear/inspired lately is that I have Sarah and Dara to talk to. They make me feel more alive and aware - it is really nice. I hope they enjoy me as much as I enjoy them.
Yesterday we went to Costco in the torrential rain and carried two cases of bottled water and a box of other random crap to the bus stop. It was totally ridiculous. But fun. We also watched the debates. And saw a silly white hip hop concert at the Underground. And watched Edward Scissorhands. Which made me miss Evan soooooooooooo much. *Weeps* I talked to him on the phone for awhile after that. My boy my boy I love him.
Annnnnd Emily and Vaughn have been in the shower for at least half an hour. Wonder what they're doin'. Hehe.
Don't know what I'm doin today. Working out? Geez. Maybe.
Love,
Zoe.
Mood - sweepy
Music - ben kweller.......sweet darlin girl
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Friday 1st October
2.45 pm | |
Whoa... Hey. It's been kind of a long time since I updated.
Huh.
Things I remember... Everyone hanging out in my pool house two Saturdays ago. Kahlua. Kissin' Remy. Drunk goodbye sex with Evan. Making hungover Evan drive to Bellingham behind my parents' van and help with the move. Eating thai food with my parents, toasting Evan's and my first anniversary. Saying goodbye.
My roommate (Emily) and I get along famously. We're both chill, moderately sloppy/lazy, and obsessed with sex. It's a good time. She's my best girl-friend here so far. And Amanda, who is my SWEET mate, is definitely a friend. I'm making other friends, Fairhaven kids mostly, slowly but steadily. There is one girl named Dara that I really like from my World Issues Forum and she's friends with a Sarah who is in my poetry class but never talks - she seems pretty cool too. And Jamie, who is friends with Amanda. And I met the cutest finest-boned mellowest-voiced little Wisconsin girl my first day here who was promising but haven't seen her much since. There's also this guy Chris who hangs out in our room a lot and is kind of quiet except when it's just a couple of people. After I chugged Pabst with him while we sat on the carpet at some shitty prep party, then snuck out with their beer, we started getting along pretty well. He misses his girlfriend and I miss my boyfriend. Emily and I hang out with some Bellinghamian skater/biker boys sometimes. She dates one of them as of a couple of days ago. They're pretty fun to get trashed with. On Saturday night we had a totally awesome sweaty dance party with many forties (and thus brass monkeys) involved.
So it's pretty cool here. I get lonely sometimes but mainly just when I forget my medication. Plus I have two guppies, a fern and a roommate to talk to. We went to Grocery Outlet, got a gallon jar of pickles for three dollars, emptied it out, and put fish in it. We didn't get any dechlorinator or a plant so one of them kinda died before we got a chance to name it. I had to fish it out of the water with my dinner fork, it was gross. I wrote a poem about it for class. Good times. Yep I'm ghetto. I just hope the other fish don't die. I'll probably make Emily go to the store this weekend and get some dechlorinator, and maybe steal a plant from the goldfish pond outside the dorm. Oh yeah, the fern (Fran), we totally stole her from the landscaping project up on the ridge. We rule so much.
I really enjoy my classes - I will probably talk about them more later but for now I really didn't feel like updating in the first place and I'm totally sick of it now so I'd better go. Oh. One more thing. I'll be home for the weekend, I'm leaving in like an hour, so I'll probably catch you cats on that side?? Love you.
Zoe Bess
Mood - sweepy
Music - steve earle.......corazon
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Friday 17th September
6.23 pm | |
Haha I'm overdrawn. Woo!! Well in all fairness I have more than 800$ worth of checks to deposit. I need to not, like, procrastinate and stuff. Or ignore my account balance. I like how I used my debit card today, fully knowing the status of my account. And it totally worked! YES!
The last couple days have been nice. I had my last session with Carole Anne on Thursday, and I think things came to a nice stopping point which is good, and now I must begin the search for a new therapist. After my appointment I also went to get new apple headphones for my Nomad whose headphone jack is acting up and thus I need a non-right angle plug. I visited the Birkenstock store to get my mary janes, and I also bought some White Tea perfume because everybody says it smells like me. It's funny how I need help smelling like me. Doy. I just enjoy it.
That night, hung out with Thomas and we got to talkin' for like a couple hours which was good, and watched Mean Girls with Dan and Kristin. Got home kinda late.
Today Sean took me out for lunch at Cocina del Puerco which is incredible food I forgot how much I've missed it. I love burnt cream almost more than life itself. We got lost driving home, went through Medina, and visited the arboretum across the 520 bridge (intense lostness I know). It was so peaceful and we both felt really good due to the food in our bellies and the knowledge in our souls. I love that Sean moment. I'm glad I got to know him better this summer.
Now I'm at work, my last shift!! So sad. Not. Sunday is me and Evan's 1st year anniversary. Like anniversary. Amazing!!! Tonight we may go to Dilettante's with everybody and celebrate. I'm feeling a little better since going to therapy and talking to my parents and stuff. My limbo period is almost over, thank god. It also helped that I started a craft project (decoupaging my makeup/tackle box with stuff from the walls of my room). I also got medication for my shingles and they feel much better. I love my new shoes, they are so comfortable. I am so calm. Ahh.
Love and Kisses
Zoe Bess.
Mood - bored (such a lame mood)
Music - ben kweller.....hear me out
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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Tuesday 7th September
6.04 pm | | Where the fuck was I lookin when all those horses came in?
Mrowr. It was a pretty good weekend. Lots of Kristin time, which was nice. I've missed her. On Saturday I didn't do anything at all besides reread Sunshine by Robin McKinley. Well I did go to Bed Bath and Beyond with my mother, to get dorm stuff. I also decided to walk to the 7-11 for cigarettes in order to treat some sexual frustration, due to my boyfriend being off robo-ing and vomiting and such, and offhand stopped by Danielle's work and she was there! So it was cool to talk to her briefly, and she gave me a ride home, and also there was this weird guy who had gotten kicked out of his halfway house and was staying at her hotel, and he asked us to hang out with him and I was like um... no, don't feel like getting raped, thanks, and that was that.
Sunday was my best Bumbershoot day, I'd say. Ben Kweller was truly awesome, plus I ate a bunch of fattening things. And Kristin and I went to Queen Anne Lookout for a few minutes and it was absolutely gorgeous. We also found my favorite cafe in Queen Anne, which makes amazing pie and other pastries plus great coffee tea etc. Mara and I used to go there and sit in their incredibly comfortable deck chairs which are out on the pavement and you get to watch life go by.
Yesterday was pretty cool, too. I mean, going with Evan and seeing Scarlett and stuff. That was fun. We were too late to see Harvey Pekar (sad!!!). We saw the Fitness and they're all right but really only because the lead singer is very charismatic and she and the bass player are hell of sexy. We left that early cuz it was a bit much. Didn't do much else besides eat some strawberry shortcake and get in line for Built To Spill/Pixies. Built To Spill were really really good, I love Doug Marsh now. During Pixies I got separated from Evan and Kristin and really far up front, and the crowd was all scary at this point and I was afraid of being trampled. So I got out as quick as I could and held off a panic attack about the sheer mass of people that were at this concert. I have never seen the stadium that packed. Eck. It was shitty, and I spent the rest of the time sitting at the side listening to my favorite songs as if from miles away. I wished I was enjoying it with someone. So. So much for my one chance to enjoy the Pixies live. That's okay. I hate big concerts anyway. Later that night we were supposed to hang out with Danielle, and she told us to meet her but she never showed up or called us, which sucked. By the time we decided to just head home on our own, we got to the bus stop and the last bus to Kirkland had just left. Stupid. The state of my body was that, in my own words at the time, "I may or may not have just given birth." I lay down on the sidewalk and declared I could sleep there if need be. But we called Roza, who was almost to Redmond by then, and she came and picked us up like the saint she is.
I didn't see Robbie and Allison either day I was at Bumbershoot, which is sad because I was hoping to meet them after all these years of reading Robbie's journal. Oh well, I hope you guys had a good time. Cheers!
Now I am at work and my head hurts like a muther, I can't wait to go hang out with the love of my life.
Love and Kisses
Zoe
Mood - achy
Music - PJ Harvey.......Kamikaze
Say What Again, Mutherfucker!
I Dare You.
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ianiceboy