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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
2:02 pm - still tired but awake
i slept, but am still tired. nevertheless, i can't sleep any more, and anyway it's too nice out to stay in. so i am heading out to the library and then just out. like ellen degeneres, the guys who started exodus international (but then fell in love with each other), mary cheney, jim mcgreevy, and chastity bono.

current music: "love hate the way it starts ends (tower records california)", swervedriver

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12:40 am - tired tired tired
this is one of my favorite billie holiday songs, i think. well, it's a duke ellington song, really. but can you imagine it in anyone else's voice? i can't describe billie holiday's voice. ella fitzgerald's is clear, pure, playful, and joyful. (she sings the sad stuff beautifully, but you never quite believe it.) billie holiday, though, i dunno--like crystal about to break?

i'm tired tired tired. going to take a shower and collapse.

my nightgown is scrunched and squashed in such a shape that makes me believe there has been a gordita sleeping upon it for a good bit of the day.

i made a large deposit into my savings account today. that felt good. it's not quite back up at its pre-cooper/tina levels levels, but it's close. although i may wind up blowing a good bit of that on my sooper-sekrit plan. but i think it will be worth it.

i just turned around. the gordita has resumed her position upon my nightgown. yup.

current music: "Sophisticated Lady", Billie Holiday

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Friday, February 4th, 2005
4:00 pm - oh, there is good news.
finally, there is some good news.

and in other alternative-family-related news, a baby hippo has adopted a 100-year-old male tortoise as its mom. (you have to look at the picture of the hippo snuggling with the tortoise. it's the cutest thing in the known world.)

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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
10:32 pm - hmm
for those of you looking at my current music and going, "oh no she isn't," oh yes. yes she is.

so i'm having to rethink this bermuda thing: i did some preliminary checking and it's prohibitively expensive. so, actually, much as i hate to eat my words, it is as unreasonable as it sounds. so scratch that.

other ideas: i did some checking and i could go to miami, where i've never been, and where i hear the gay boys are pretty. there are certain parts of florida that i refuse to pay money to stay in and/or fly to (anywhere in the panhandle, anywhere within 50 miles of orlando), but miami is far enough south that it's a long-ass drive from atlanta, and hence not a hugely popular vacation destination; plus i think it's more expensive to fly there than to the orlando area. so it doesn't rankle me to go there, and i found a nice art deco hotel online that got uniformly good reviews, as well as convenient flight times. so that's one option.

i could also do the stay-at-some-lodge-in-the-woods thing, although i don't really know of any. ideas? my caveats here are: i must be able to get there in less than four hours without getting on a greyhound bus, and they must feed me.

or i have my sooper-sekrit plan. but it is, as i said, sooper-sekrit.

or i could just buy something ridiculous at betsey johnson and indulge myself at balthazar or any other ridiculous restaurant anyone might want to suggest.

current music: "Funky Cold Medina", Ton Loc

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12:57 pm - notes from cubeland
"father figure" by georga michael may be the dirtiest song ever. i mean, not that gems such as "little scarlet pussy" and "gett off" (prince) aren't dirty, but they're cheerfully obscene as opposed to plain old dirty.

it's supposed to be 45 and sunny on sunday. i look forward to going for a very long walk.

i'm taking suggestions regarding what i should do to celebrate once my transmittals are over in mid-march. ideas so far:
  • buy really expensive lingerie (i've been wanting stockings--real silk ones--and garters)
  • take myself out to dinner at balthazar (suggestions of other obscenely expensive restaurants welcome, of course)
  • take a day off from work (obviously, i'm going to do that anyway) and have high tea at the plaza
  • buy something really fabulous at betsey johnson
  • wear above with aforementioned lingerie to aforementioned high tea
  • go to bermuda (that's not as unrealistic as it sounds--it's only about a 2.5-hour flight [about the same as to atlanta, to put it in perspective] and it's not that expensive in march/april)
  • call up boytoy and have my wicked way with him
  • above, wearing aforementioned lingerie
  • [your suggestion here]

    yes, "all of the above" could be construed as an answer, but unless you're willing to be my sugar parent, there are some things that just aren't possible.
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    Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
    5:03 pm - need new clothes/shoes?
    nyc posse: everyone knows that it's tax-free week, right? (i didn't until ryan told me this morning.) hey, 8.625% makes a difference!

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    1:59 pm - it's that time of year again....
    y'all know what i'm talking about. no, i'm not talking about groundhog day. i'm not talking about valentine's day.

    i'm talking about the state of the union drinking game.

    cuz if you watch that shit, you know you're going to need to be inebriated.

    sadly, i can't watch/play as i have a freelance job to finish tonight. although if i leave work on time and work quick like lightning, i might be able to catch some of it. and i have a bottle of shiraz that will be just right!

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    Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
    11:33 pm - yay, another meme.
    this one's about stuff. )

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    12:44 am - of all the drawbacks that apartment living can present...
    ...at least my neighbors don't have a 2000-ton flaming pile of shit in their yard.

    no, really.

    current music: "Stones In The Road", Joan Baez

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    Monday, January 31st, 2005
    1:04 am - never trust a big butt and a smile
    my head hurts an unbelievable amount. could be from having my hair pulled back (though it wasn't tight); could be too much staring at paper and screen today.

    being the granola-cruncher that i am, i don't like taking painkillers for things that i can do something about (i.e., if my knees hurt because i'm tired, the answer is to get some sleep, not drug myself). i'm hoping this will go away once i stop staring at the screen and go to bed. which, you know, i really should do right now.

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    Friday, January 28th, 2005
    5:35 pm - i totally need to be doing work
    but [info]champignon's image meme looked like so much fun... )

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    Thursday, January 27th, 2005
    9:39 pm
    just wolfed down piece of chicken. ate too fast. feel slightly ill.

    must copyedit.

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    Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
    5:41 pm - tell me how this makes sense.
    9/11/2001: two enormous jets filled with explosive fuel slam into two enormous buildings and knock them down. a lot of people die. enormous structural damage above- and below-ground, and a large part of the city is shut down. the subways (three different lines) that ran beneath those buildings restore service in almost exactly a year. (one station is still closed--cortlandt street on the 1/9--but honestly i've never heard anyone complain.)

    1/23/2005: homeless dude lights some stuff on fire in a barrel and the fire spreads. no one dies. nothing above-ground is affected; no structural damage below-ground. it will take three to five years to fix the damage and in the meantime subway service in manhattan and brooklyn is royally fucked.

    i don't understand.

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    2:36 pm - one more reason to hate microsloth
    there was an early blues record label called OKeh (first two letters capped). i just finished editing the article and went to enter the name correctly in our ms access database. however, access has an autocorrect feature which keeps "correcting" the name to "Okeh." now, in most programs with an autocorrect feature, you can either manually change it back or else just hit control-z (or apple-z), and the program will keep the capitalization the way you want it, even if (in this case) it would otherwise be grammatically correct. but oh no, not ms access. so i had to go into the options, turn off autocorrect, go back out, reopen the table, put in the correct capitalization, then go back and turn autocorrect back on (as it can be useful in other circumstances).

    i did discover the "exceptions" feature, so i entered "OKeh" in that. what a fucking pain in the ass.

    (and yes, it is important that the capitalization be correct in the database, as we generate the book's table of contents from there.)

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    Monday, January 24th, 2005
    8:23 pm - the hour i first believed
    alright, so i'm going to try to go home now. i say "try" because subway service has been royally fucked the past couple of days. first the snow (though luckily i had nowhere to go on sunday), and then there was a fire at chambers street (homeless dude trying to keep himself warm, and it got out of control, spread to the wiring, and burned up the signal room) which will fuck up a/c trains for the next couple of years (no, really), and then a train got stuck in my station this morning (how? i don't know), and apparently the n/q/r/w and f trains were messed up out of brooklyn (i was somewhat gratified that i was not the only person late this morning--the person coming from park slope was even later than i was). so, i'm gonna hope that the 1/2/3/9 lines are clear now (though i'm sure they will be filled with disgruntled former riders of the a/c) and that i can get my ass to target and then home. i need some baking pans, yo. and cereal.

    the only possible plus side i can see in all this is that perhaps it will drive down real estate prices in inwood (upstate manhattan, served by the a train), which is where i want to live. i can deal with a long-ass commute. hell, i've spent three years on the 1/9, so pretty much i can deal with anything.

    i'm using the word "fuck" a lot today, though i guess that's not much of a change.

    oops, here comes the security guy. he's going to kick me out. later.

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    Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
    10:47 pm
    clean flannel sheets. favorite nightgown. fuzzy socks. warm cat. happy yay.

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    Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
    11:23 pm - stolen from [info]pixiehorizon (and in honor of our ten-year revisit to Ye Olde Alma Mater)
    Senior year of HS...

    First off, I stand by my depiction of the daily life of an EW student.

    What were your three favorite bands?
    REM (always), Ani DiFranco, Nine Inch Nails

    What was your favorite outfit?
    Purple-flowered Docs (still have 'em, still wear 'em--those things last forever), denim shirt with mismatched buttons (it had been worn so much that the original ones fell off, so I sewed nifty-looking ones on as replacements), big-ass jeans from the Gap.

    What was up with your hair?
    Similar to the way it is now, but a little shorter. Then I dyed it maroon (which faded to magenta) in January. It looked superfly, I have to say. (And once it had faded a bit, little old ladies would come up to me in the grocery store in Georgia and rhapsodize over my lovely hair color.) I did a self-inflicted haircut in late March/early April, which a friend of mine (and then Patty's stylist in Dallas) fixed, so it was pretty short by the time I graduated.

    Who were your best friends?
    [info]pixiehorizon and "Lacey"

    What did you do after school?
    Wrote, went to choir practice, went to the library, harassed people in the computer lab, hung out with [info]pixiehorizon and "Lacey," stomped around and made fun of people.

    Where did you work?
    Boarding students at EW were not allowed to work off-campus. You could volunteer or intern, but you could not work for pay. (Insert classism comment here.) I worked a few hours a week in the computer lab, but that was it.

    Did you take the bus?
    I lived on campus (boarding school).

    Who did you have a crush on?
    "Lacey." Oh, the drama.

    Did you fight with your parents?
    Not much senior year. There was so much other shit going down in my family at that point that it kind of overshadowed the usual conflicts.

    Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
    Michael Stipe, as always.

    Did you smoke cigarettes?
    Once, that winter, while walking across the Senior Triangle at about two a.m. with "Lacey." Smoking was exceedingly forbidden at EW--you could get kicked out summarily for smoking (or lighting any kind of flame, including candles or incense) in the dorms, and you would get detention and a lot of well-intentioned talks from adults if you were caught doing it outside. One Friday or Saturday night, "Lacey" and I got permission from our houseparent to stay late in the library watching Natural Born Killers (this was very unusual: the rules about when you had to be on your hall at night were generally observed very strictly), and after we finished the movie, we figured (correctly) that our houseparent would have gone to bed and wouldn't check up on what time we got back, so we went for a walk around campus. It was brisk out, but not that cold. We wandered around random parts of campus that students usually never went to; I remember sitting by the maintenance sheds and talking to "Lacey" while she smoked. On our way back to the dorms, we walked across the Senior Triangle, which was right in the middle of campus, and "Lacey" said, "Damn, I really want to light a cigarette right here." I said, "I want to try it." "Lacey" stared at me for a second and was like, "You want to smoke?" (I hated cigarette smoke, vociferously, and had never smoked in my life.) "Yeah," I said. "I mean, I feel like I should try it just so that I can be sure it's as disgusting as I think it is, and what better place to have my first cigarette than right in the middle of the EW campus?" So "Lacey" took out a cigarette and lit it for me. I had never smoked anything--tobacco or marijuana--and she had to explain about inhaling and stuff. So I took it from her, inhaled, and practically fell over coughing. I dropped to the ground and started eating snow to try and get the taste out of my mouth; it tasted about like a garbage can smells. I started yelling at "Lacey," "This is the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted in my life! How can you do this every day? How can you do this several times a day?" She agreed that it was disgusting, but said that she still wanted to do it even so, and took the cigarette and finished it.

    Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?
    See also "lived on-campus": didn't have a locker. I carried a big-ass backpack, though, because I didn't have time to back to my room between classes. I would always go back and dump my books at lunch and during free periods, though.

    Did you have a 'clique'?
    I disagree with [info]pixiehorizon on this one: I would say that she, "Lacey," and I were our own tripartite clique. Apart from that, I had a pretty closely knit extended group of friends that, while not a particularly exclusive clique, all tended to hang out pretty much with each other. I would definitely count the toaster table as a clique of sorts.

    Did you have "The Max" like Zach, Kelly and Slater?
    I know who Zach, Kelly, and Slater (serial comma!) are, but I don't remember what "The Max" was. Wikipedia comes to the rescue: it was the burger joint where they all hung out. Unless you count the computer lab or the toaster table, no, not really.

    Admit it, were you popular?
    "Notorious" is probably a better word.

    Who did you want to be just like?
    I thought my English teacher, Ms. M., was way rad in that erudite-adorable-unflappable-has-her-shit-together (except when it came to grading papers on time) sort of way, but I'm not sure I wanted to be "just like" her. Similarly, I admired Ms. H.'s intellect and ethics, but I didn't want to be a carbon copy of her.

    What did you want to be when you grew up?
    A writer and history professor.

    Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?
    As Michael Stipe sang, "I can't see myself at thirty." There was a large part of senior year where I didn't think I'd be alive at the age I am now. I figured that even if I somehow made it through that year, I probably wouldn't live much past twenty. Twenty-eight seemed pretty fucking old when I was eighteen, but when I did envision myself getting this far, I figured I'd be finished up a doctorate in American history and probably living somewhere in the South. I was convinced I was done with northern winters. (Let's note that I'm writing this from New York City, where there is somewhere between ten and twelve inches of snow on the ground and more falling as I type this.)

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    6:18 pm - Plays With Camera, Part II

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    11:13 am
    i'm wearing a silk undershirt underneath my sweater. it's soft. yay.

    current music: KCRW

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    2:12 am - big with the WTF?
    one more thing: when i was at [info]jwitchbaby's tonight, she handed me a copy of the gay city news: the lead article was about two smith students (female) who are being charged with the rape of another student (also female). has this been a big scandal in the pioneer valley? (the article made it sound as though it was, though i have to say that, given the inauguration et al., i'm a little surprised this was the lead article in a nyc paper.)

    ([info]jwitchbaby pointed out, "i love how the first thing they point out is the lesbian part. when are we going to see a headline reading 'yet another heterosexual rape charged'?")

    current music: "Black And Blue", David Jacobs-Strain

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