blue boy ablaze's Journal

2:47am: "the other day I wuz a-prayin'..."


there's something equally lameass and so-lameass-it's-wonderful about korny kuntry Christian comediannes.
unless you're stuck at an elementary school auditorium/cafeteria in Buttfuck, Oklahoma, watching her.

4:22pm: writer's block
my friend Alex says that he gets past writer's block by getting tipsy, writing a fuckload, and then editing the next day when he is fully sober. He claims it frees up his inhibitions and, to top it off, he writes more humorously that way.

I wish that worked for me.

2:08am: while I'm on the topics of '80s TV sitcoms and food...
Does anyone remember that Highway to Heaven episode where there is a plus-size girl who struggles with her weight and her image as "fat girl" and she is in college and she desperately wants to fit in and the show begins with the absolutely amazing footage of her in a Dunkin' Donuts ordering a dozen donuts and as she orders them she says, "OK, the powered donut for Becky, the jelly donut for Rhonda, the chocolate donut for Tiffany, the glazed donut for Jessica" and she does that until there are one dozen and then the storeowner looks at her and says, "And for you?" and she smiles and says, "Oh, I'm not having anything at all," and you think to yourself as the viewer that she is a strong and confident person and that she has all of these fun female friends and that they're probably all in a sorority together and they sit up late and eat donuts and talk about boys and make-up and Coach bags

BUT!

then the plus-size girl gets into her Nova with the dozen donuts sitting in her passenger seat and it is night and she is driving home and as she drives the dramatic music wells up in the background and the camera shows shots of one hand reaching into the box of donuts and bringing them up to her mouth and it shows her eating the donuts, one after the other, one by one, and it is dark and she eats the donuts and the music is very disturbing and emotionally charged and suddenly she pulls into her driveway and you see that it's a lonely apartment, that there are no sorority girlfriends waiting for her and their yummy donuts, and then you see that the box is completely empty and kind of torn on its side because she was so eager in reaching for them and, finally, the camera pans to a shot of the rearview mirror in the car and the car has been turned off and she is sitting there, and all you see are her eyes and part of her face, and she is crying and staring at herself in the mirror.
I think there might even be some donut on her mouth.

Isn't that awesome?!?!
I want this episode on tape!!!

11:09pm: the queer bits we put in our mouths




( You can pick out fags in a diner because they always order BLTs. )

2:16am:
my friend alex is making an independent film called handtruck and he just finished shooting a few scenes with udo kier, in which he plays some creepy guy in a forest the film's protagonists encounter, and he spouts off lines about massages and midgets and such. I can't wait to see it!!!



rue mclanahan had expressed interest in the project. They may make her into this crazy, rambling old lady who bakes a cake for this freaky cake walk populated by elderly people in strange old-fashioned outfits in a town square that the protagonists also come across!

2:03am: Giving my props to Small Wonder
Small Wonder is a televisual '80s jewel. It makes no sense, and it's so wholesome and innocent, yet I'm enthralled. Really!
Vici, the little girl robot, always fascinated me and kind of creeped me out at times - or rather the fact that a grown man built a little girl robot creeps me out.


I always liked her monotone voice and her frilly dress. And her snoopy neighor, Harriet!


I need to have party soon with Small Wonder playing on a TV next to a TV playing Bettie Page bondage loops.

And someone could wear this costume.

1:01am: yummy

2:30pm:

9:04am: I think there's something to be said about rising early to wait for the snow to begin falling


Yesterday I went to that temple of consumerism, the Mall of America, with a group of friends.
Apparently, pink is the new pink this year.
A super eager cute boy was trying to help me left and right at Express. I couldn't decide if it was only due to the fact that he works on commission or if he thought I was a hottie. Probably the former...
While waiting for another friend to shop, the lady friends and I talked about the impossibility of the helicopter, an acrobatic sex move American Cosmo pushes onto its female readers constantly as the thing to do for their men. We shared horrible roommate stories (the absolute WOOOORST involving a female roommate who not only refused to flush after shitting, but would wipe her skanky ass and THROW THE SOILED TOILET PAPER ONTO THE FLOOR. Marking her territory? You decide.)
We also talked about how American Cosmo stays away all aspects of butt sex. Especially men's butts. Apparently British Cosmo is much more generous in that direction.

8:26pm:

Who are You in the Tori Amos Universe?

2:09am: maybe it's the Golden Girls...
My next door neighbor put up the most pitiful plastic nativity scene.
It's kind of endearing, though, because he's a little old man with little dogs that wear little sweaters.
I love little old people!
Especially little old men who wear bow ties and old cardigans and use canes.
Or old old women who still dye their hair jet black and wear bright red lipstick and who have intricate tracings of vein on their soft spotted hands.

why do you love little old people?

3:47am: I have to figure out a way to go to New York sometime over winter break to see
The Golden Girls: LIVE!



and "Christmas with the Crawfords" with Hedda Lettuce as hanger-wielding Joan.

2:22am: the randomness you love
the other night I had a drunken conversation about sewing with a luscious lady from the U. We decided that we're so having a craft night soon!
Or some kind of sewing circle. she's going to give me hints her matronly grandmother taught her.

this perplexes me


and i want these




especially this top


i'm growing my hair out -
it should be interesting.

11:40pm:

[i'm currently prepping for a research project regarding christine jorgensen.]

[and my paper on the grandmother of cross-dressing, virginia prince, has been accepted to a cultural studies conference in march 2004]

["everything's coming up milhouse!"]

11:07pm: My semester is quickly winding down and I have soooo much to do.

I've lived such a boring life lately, grading and reading and vegetating. But I feel that it's worth it, as I'm getting closer and closer to being able to write about drag queens and trannies full time.

I want to go to a Tupperware party hosted by drag queens.

I love this book cover!


There is an old woman who wanders the streets of Minneapolis wearing strange hats she fashions out of old clothes, old purses, discarded toys, and other miscellanea. I seriously need to get some photographs of her.

There was an old woman in Norman who would wander the streets of M's neighborhood all night long. She would be dressed up in old dresses from the 1950s, in high high tottery heels, in furs and stoles and hats and gloves, and she would always be alone and always walking aimlessly, or with a secret destination in mind. We would always see her and talk about her and see her through the windows of her house that was nearby, rocking on her floor with all of the lights on, or wandering through the wallpapered rooms.

3:20pm:

Happy Halloween!

3:40pm:

7:09pm: I need some new clothes - too bad I can't afford Fabric8 now. It sucks being a grad student who takes whatever he can get from the state. Sucking from the nurturing teet of Minnesota. Hehehehe.....
I guess I shouldn't complain. I should just hit the thrift and military surplus stores and look for viable threads instead. Or maybe I should branch out from knitting and begin making clothes. I've been searching and searching for a good pair of boot-cut brown tailored pants with a pin stripe, but to no avail...

There was a guy at Goldfrapp wearing a strange dark pinstriped gray hybrid suspender/overalls ensemble that he was telling a friend he had made. I was kind of drawn to it, and his yumminess didn't hurt. But overalls........


In other news, my building's maintenence man always, always reeks of rancid B.O. and he always wants to talk with me about Windex. And yesterday while walking Ursula some extremely tall creep, whose dog wanted to say hi to mine, was telling me about how horny his dog was. And how his dog was always humping sofa cushions and legs because he was just soooo horny. I think he was projecting onto his dog.

Why am I magnet for these kinds of people?

7:01pm: just when you thought morbidity couldn't get any funnier!
Suicide Concert Will Go On

1:29am: <3 Goldfrapp <3
Damn, that was such a good concert...! I mean, I'm still in awe and it has been over an hour since the concert concluded.
It is right up there with my front row center Tori Amos concert from 1998.
There were a drunk horny pushy hands-waving-in-the-air fucker who kind of put a damper on it at times as he thrashed around during her songs while standing on a CROWDED FLOOR and annoyingly tried to beckon Alison Goldfrapp with his "moves." Fucking lame ass...

But Alison was looking so dapper and sexxxxxxy and even-dare I say-regal. There's something about her that's at once charismatic and distant.
And I loved the militaristic black stewardess-ish outfit she's wearing for this tour.
I'm glowing!

1:45am: i'm sorry, but...
..........why?



I'm especially fond of how dressed up "Mom" is. The hat is a nice touch...so classy...

10:02pm: I'm all atwitter about tomorrow night. We're going early to hopefully get a table close to the stage.
I need to find something to wear.
I wish my hot pink + dark brown reindeer sweater was complete.



In other news, I had to explain to students in my sections why some people might be offended and how their lives may be indirectly complicated by images like Aunt Jemima or Uncle Ben or some Native American school mascot.

"But all of those are just like the rabbit that they use to sell Trix. It's just a marketing thing. It's not racist!"


Sure thing.

11:46pm: randomness before bed
why do my hands smell like grandmotherly perfume????

Today a girl in my cohort at school actually said this to me:
"WOW, your skin looks amazing! How do you get it to be so smooth and good looking?! It looks like you have make-up on or something! Seriously, you've got some good skin!"

I thought she was making fun of me.
Me: "What? That's really mean. Are you kidding?"
Her: "Not at all!"
Me: "Yeah? Uh, well..."

I also need to come up with some kind of tastefully bad costume for a Halloween party with the theme "Gone Too Soon." Like, some girl is already going as Jon-Benet Ramsey and another is going as Karen Carpenter. I need something good. I was thinking the Frugal Gourmet, but even though the idea is funny, the costume would just be lame. A white apron and chef hat? Maybe I could ham up the pedophilia claims by accessorizing with a child mannequin. Ugh...I was thinking of going with M as Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall II, her dead old husband, but I don't think M would want to dress up as her.

Hmmmmmm...

11:35pm: Goldfrapp Is Coming
I can't believe how excited I am about seeing Goldfrapp this Friday. It's in a fairly small venue. I will be enthralled the entire time as I'm seated and/or standing fairly close to the stage. With dilated eyes and a big, wet, eager smile.
Alison Goldfrapp better be burlesqued up.

Shit, I'm happy!

1:44pm: ouchie
I hate it when you put Band-Aids on your finger too tight and it throbs and turns purplish blue because blood has ceased to flow to that bodily extremity.