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[08 Feb 2002|04:23pm] |
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its a fuckin beautiful day
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[07 Feb 2002|05:27pm] |
audiogalaxy gold
fucking right
ive just dl'd more songs in 10 mins than fucking morpheus has got me in 10 days
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[07 Feb 2002|09:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
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| [ |
music |
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Mercury Rev - Tides Of The Moon |
] |
so theres something wrong with lj for me
i cant get any of my friends' entries to show up
past january 17
unless i go directly to their journal pages
so right now my friends link is quite useless
and outdated
in other news
christ
what isnt there to say
confused by relationships
and how they change
and how other people dont
and then do
and no one seems to realize
that there are critical periods
past which
there is no safe return
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[31 Jan 2002|05:29pm] |
life is weird
a pattern seems to be emerging from my confusion
something is wrong
with everything
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[24 Jan 2002|10:05am] |
1 class down
4 more to go
thursdays = hell for me
want to lose about 10 lbs
maybe i should put down this cookie..
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| wow |
[23 Jan 2002|05:50pm] |
so jills parents apparently had a conference with the docs at the hospital plus her counselor from the health center
and decided she should stay at river oaks another 7-10 days
so she didnt show up saturday
but she can basically walk in at any moment
i did move half my shit back in though
after storing it in shaunas room for two days pending jills return
ive got my computer and peripherals + bed stuff
what else does a girl need
oh, clothes, right
im still getting those from down the hall
just too tired to move any more shit lately
anyway
jills parents have apparently now decided
that she will be best off doing an
OUT-PATIENT program with river oaks
while living in an apartment and working in metairie
i suppose theyre going to supply the $ for this
and get her a goddam car
i just dont fucking know what to say anymore
i mean i think at this pt
after jill having been thru rehab a couple times already
she needs something different
perhaps throwing her out there on her own is a good idea
but for admittedly selfish reasons i wish that werent new orleans
im sure shes going to try to spend a lot of her time here on campus with suzanne et al
and i did talk to hrl about getting a restraining order
but personally i just really think she would be better off in a completely new setting
anyway
not knowing exactly when she will be back makes me more than a bit uneasy
so im definitely happy that hrl recored our door
and alicia battle is holding the key personally
so
even if the hospital does not notify the university of jills departure from their custody like theyre supposed to
she wont be able to get into this room without seeing alicia first
and therefore revealing her presence on campus
christ
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[17 Jan 2002|09:34am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
fucking headaches
havent been able to escape them of late
if i even tried to describe the events of the past 36 hours
it would take me another 36
the basic outline being
jill is in a mental institution
following attempted suicide tuesday night -- an overdose on 10 norodin
following my getting hrl/tupd to search our room and take her "first aid kit"
she was committed for the standard 72 hour duration
at 7 yesterday morning
needless to say she is there against her will
and all hell will break loose upon her inevitable return saturday morning
her parents have been contacted but are without ideas
understandable as jill has been through rehab 2-3x already
hrl guaranteed me they will be moving her to a single in warren
where they can "keep an eye on her" more easily
and in an effort to return my life to normality
but jill needs a hell of a lot more
than some 19 year-old ra telling her to "be strong"
and weekly appointments with a goddamn guidance counselor
jacq and alex and liz are all talking about leaving town for the wknd
they seriously do not want to be around when she gets back
unlike them i have a job
responsibilities
and more importantly even
no money whatsoever to get out of town
i am worried about my belongings
this computer
my cd player
tv
refrigerator even
christ
and im sure as hell not up for the inevitable verbal confrontation
let alone anything in excess of that
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[15 Jan 2002|07:03pm] |
so i finally confirmed classes
if you could call it that
that little rectangular slip of paper
that usually screams my weekly appointments impending doom in electric blue ink
was blank
because i didnt register until three days ago
the dude said all should be well anyway
so thats good
8am classes suck ass
i feel so awful
many thanks to the drugs and alcohol that took place last night
ugh
2 more classes to go
done by 5pm..
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[13 Jan 2002|04:51pm] |
ouch
$67 at walgreens
but that includes some stuff for josh
plus random crap like razors, etc, por moi
anyway that leaves me with only about $35 in my checking acct
i do get a tip check tomorrow
which will probably be around $70
and after the other night at wally world i dont think i'll be buying more food for about 2 wks
so the only thing i'll really be spending money on is cab fare..
heading up to the study lounge to meet deb as soon as my frozen dinner is cooked & eaten
trying to get ahead on my reading
or just started, at least
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[13 Jan 2002|02:34pm] |
a nice relaxing sunday
well-deserved after working 4 mornings in a row
but its back to 8/4 tomorrow
and then child psyc from 530-830pm
gonna be a long day
need to get to walgreens
cuz altho my sole purpose for going to walmart
with nate and jacq and deb and brian and josh two days ago
was to get notebooks and binders for class
i ended up spending $92 on groceries
and completely forgetting about the school supplies
so i'll probly just walk there with josh
cuz i dont want to ask nate to drive
its gotten colder outside than it was this morning
i already had to change out of my skirt and into something warmer
the weather here is so damn weird..
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[10 Jan 2002|03:56pm] |
i just want to sleep
tired from opening this morning
cuz matt didnt get my msg in time-
which of course means i missed the two classes i have
at 8 and 11am
i am now registered for them both, at least
but not for monday night child psyc
or tuesday night brain and behavior (a repeat performance)
or thursday night child/adolescent social development;
going to that in a few hours, and shall attempt to ingratiate myself with the professor..
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[09 Jan 2002|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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le sigh |
] |
| [ |
music |
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le weep |
] |
back from rhode island
and maryland
and all that
spent many stoned days
and nights
with josh
twas the nicest time i have had in
forever
back at tulane now
worked today for the first time in 2 wks
was awful tho
cuz i took 7 vodka shots last night
within an hour
and got really fucking sick
so i was too hungover to do much of anything at work this morning..
anyway
been trying to register
but hardly anything is happening
cuz i didnt have the money to pay down my ar balance till now
so everythings closed
and waitlisting isnt allowed for some fucking reason
so at this point
i am only registered for 1 class
and they start tomorrow
and there would be the possibility that i could just go to class
and plead my case to the prof
but i am scheduled to work tomorrow
from 530am-noon
and theres only one person who can work for me
and i just called him
but he wasnt home so i had to leave a msg
aaagh
im so fucked
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| just one more to go... |
[28 Dec 2001|10:52am] |
already showered and walked the dogs and its only 11am
mom got up for about 2 minutes but already went back to sleep
going to an outlet mall with jen and celie and ingrid sometime soon
still hadnt heard from josh by last night so at 830 i called
his older sister said he had gone to boston and she didnt think hed be back till tomorrow morning
which is now this morning of course
whatever
i just think him letting me know would have been decent
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| still really really reeeally bored... |
[27 Dec 2001|02:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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commercials |
] |
this day is dr a g g in g by
i can hardly stand it
a million cable channels and nothing is on
ive been searching for chris's address for deb all day but still no luck
only have 1/3 of one of the two books i brought left to read
dont want to even read it cuz then ill have nothing
aagh
all i want is to leave for rhode island already
everyone here is gone again
mom is asleep again
and im about to kill myself
i did get to talk to deb for a bit
and jacq too
but now the only people online are mitch and amanda
both of whom i would rather do without
ugh
its only 230..
already organized the pile of random crap/clothes that had formed a moat around the couch on which i sleep;
not gonna do laundry till tomorrow
already repacked my bag and boxed the presents i got for josh's parents
already even wrote the damn letter to my stepfather ive been meaning to
what else can i do??
i cant even play some game with celie cuz shes gone too
i'd play chess online but i really get sick of how people quit
when theyre losing
what do people do when they dont have access to drugs, sex, books, decent television, or human companionship, and think theyre getting carpal tunnel from being at the computer so fucking long? huh?
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[27 Dec 2001|11:34am] |
another boring morning
only one more to go though
cuz 6am saturday im outta here
..watching 102 dalmations with celie
ive been trying to bond with the kid a little
i think its working
i mean i didnt care for her much when i visited for thanksgiving
but we've been playing together this time around
and its been fun
so anyway
time to check the old email..
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[26 Dec 2001|10:46pm] |
oh, right. i almost forgot.
merry christmas.
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| "vacation" |
[26 Dec 2001|10:36pm] |
well
its pretty f'in boring here
my mom isnt doing so well as she was when i first got here friday
she slept almost all day yesterday as well as today
ive just been reading, watching tv, and surfin the net
as it were
most of the day
finally succumbed to a j.crew ad i found in my inbox
and selected open instead of delete
it was 60% off though
i got a bunch of cool $8 socks for like 99 cents a pair
plus 4 tops, a pair of violet corduroys, and a dress
for under $100
which deserves a goddamn medal for shopping at j.crew
christ
anyway
also bought a little red wool bag from br
cuz im damn sick of the one i have
its finally falling apart anyway
and i wanted something with color for once
will be looking forward to those deliveries come my nola return..
yay
cant fucking wait to see josh
spent the rest of the time i wasnt occupied with some sort of tangible media just thinking about being with him
i want a hug :(
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[22 Dec 2001|05:25pm] |
here in maryland
doing the whole holiday family thing
its good to see my mom
and i talked to adrienne on the phone for a while yesterday
which was nice cuz we havent talked in
as she put it
"like 600 years"
anyway
time for a nap
or some food
or tv
or all of the above..
ps, i love you josh.
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[20 Dec 2001|02:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mercury Rev - Tides Of The Moon |
] |
busybusybusy
worked 530-noon
haffner was there and drove me down to get my hair trimmed right after
then stopped by and saw his apartment
(very nice)
after which he drove me back to campus..
dropped off my letter to alicia battle on my way to check mail with josh
picked up my moms package
she sent me the stuff i couldnt fit in my duffle when i visited for thanksgiving
plus a resealable 5lb bag of black forest gummi bears
(YAY!!)
sure coulda used those during finals...
bought chocolates for her at the bookstore
stopped at subway with josh and ate in the uc
called rotc and set up 3pm as the time when i'll return my shit
gotta still defrost the fridge,
move my bike up here to my room,
print out my itineraries and email them to my web account for universal access in case i lose the hardcopies (joshs thoughtful suggestion)
what the fuck else....
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[18 Dec 2001|07:48pm] |
| [ |
music |
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The Strokes - Hard To Explain |
] |
finally emailed chil about quitting rotc
got a standard little
'really sorry to hear it, wish youd reconsider' reply
gonna return my uniforms tomorrow or thursday
and itll all be over
im really happy with my decision
josh is in bruff
eating dinner with brian and stealing me a cheeseburger and fries
then we're gonna study for psyc with nate and deb
only for about an hour though
cuz we've hardly gotten to spend time together the past few days
especially relatively unstressful time
as a little later tonight will definitely be
i cant wait
the final is tomorrow at 1
so i guess we're gonna get up around 9am
and study a while before we go
i feel really bad for deb
she has a d+ going into it
but at least shes not failing
i mean she gets that grade no matter what now
im still just so resentful about that second test being thrown out
stupid fucking dunlap leaving the answers on random test copies
(and stupid fucking students being good and alerting him)
i cant believe im leaving new orleans again so soon
its barely been a month since i left for thanksgiving
i really wish this past week had been less hectic
so josh and i could spend more time together before we split up
but thats just how it goes
ugh
at least brian is leaving tomorrow
so we'll have the room to ourselves
with no tests to even worry about
for two whole days
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