HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!

[

mood

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crappy

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Missed my first math test
12AM go to sleep showered and clothes laid out.....sleep 1145 and then right off to school for math test..then to pick up papers at work then home to bed....easiest day ever!!!
550AM Mom wakes Keri up and the whole house....something about a sock in the hallway ruining her entire life up untill that point....she yelled at me but I wasn't paying attention and went back to sleep still 6 more hours to go
7AM I woke up in a lot of pain and really hungry ( I have impacted molars and one has this huge infection from my throat to my lower jaw) because I haven't been able to eat anything but ice cream....funny because any more that one dairy serving a day my tummy goes wack and it hurts. went back to sleep
830AM Then Anthony called and cacelled our lunch date... I was happy cause I forgot and wanted to sleep till the last possible second where I had to get up to go to school.
8:40AM Ten minutes my dad is on the phone talking loudly RIGHT NEXT TO MY DOOR!!!
I yell at him and tell him to get back into his office
9AM Doctor Thompson calls about my sono results tells me there is a bump in my uterus and it could be a pregnancy and to come in at any time today to get a test.
901AM I'm in the shower.
915AM Headed to the doctor
930AM Pee in a cup
10AM Find out I'm not pregnant but still lumpy
1015AM Rush to dentist because my mouth hurts so bad I can't even have water
get pain killers and anti biotics
1045AM Perscriptions filled, I get a milkshake from McDOnalds and take the pain killer I head to school
11AM Pain killers makin me drowsy turn back by mall
1130AM at home and in bed
1145AM Alarm goes off I ignore it
2PM wake up from nap go to work
330PM go to Anthony's
7PM Return Home with Art stuff...get my car stuck in snow Mom
Thats twice today I've ruined my mom's life.

[

mood

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annoyed

]

Subject: Do the world a favor
Commit suicide you mentally unstable whore.


sombody posted that on my LOTR speech essay on Anthony. Let me make it perfectly clear to anyone who has an issue with me. (though I do have my suspicions) I'm too busy to play little games. It's just annoying and rude to have to come home and see that after a long day. Shame on your immaturity.

[

mood

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chipper

]

Cleaned the house today
I spent 13 hours on a drawing and it turned out like butt.
I'm pissed
wasted 13 hours on crap

my car can be saved
but i need 32 dollars fast
I owe the bank and they are calling me non stop
I'll do tarot readings or sell you something for $$$$
If you saw anything cool in my room or you want an awesome tarot reading email me and we'll strike a deal
plus my birthday is coming up
I want a party
with balloons
and streamers
and chocolate cake
and a midly popular band from the 80's to do a cover of a mildly popular song from the 60's and somehow work the words so it's about MY awesome party
or I could settle for some gummi bears
German fucking huge ass blue ones from Hedwig
YUM!

[

mood

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uncomfortable

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I get so confused sometimes. I never know how to feel. I'll get upset because somebody, I feel is dicking me over. Then they yell at me telling me how I'm wrong. Nobody listens to how I feel though. It's always wrong. But if I do the same thing, to them, I get yelled at for dicking them over.

I fucking give up.
I will never EVER get what I want.
I just shut up and take whatever crap is dished out.
If I try to stand up for my self, I just get more and more and the pain doesn't stop.
I am wrong for feeling hurt, and if I have a problem with something, then it is my problem and nobody elses, but mine. It's been that way since I was a little kid.
Now I am always scared and anxious and I never trust anything I think or feel.
Because somebody else knows and I prefer to trust someone that I think has the best intentions for me.
I am emotionally paralyzed. I can't make a decision without consulting like fifty people.
I never wind up making the decision anyway.
I've always lived in my own head.
It's like my very own private island.
But it also attacks me, ridicules and hurts me.

I never feel safe, I'm always on my toes and scared to death.
Kind of like one of those air horns going off forever nonstop.
my mind never stops, it goes and is loud and obnoxious. If I am like my mind I'm suprised anybody likes me at all.
NEVER ABUSE YOUR CHILDREN....OR THEY TURN OUT LIKE ME

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mood

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enraged

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".......in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is my heart bleeding before you, this me down on my knees.........."



Feeling incredibly neglected. ::sigh:: I'm at my wits end. Why doesn't he see that. Or care......I need to get me back. He has one more chance. Jesus God I hope it works. If not Ive wasted two years. And every important instant that I've given up. I wish my anger could strangle him.
Lisa is coming back...with avengence

Fin Aid screwed up...might not be able to go to school
everything sucks
for me atleast
things are great with anthony though.....because of me

Boy is he in for a rude awakening
I feel bad because I babied him with submissiveness.

I will...because I am

now for some power music and a bubble bath!

This year, I hope goes better than the last one.
I spent 8 hours on art....I'm happy, though I hate what I produced.

but that always happens
TOmorrow I see Anthony.

My aunt Mary died. I didn't really know her, she was my grandpa's sister. Gotta trek upstate for funeral. My family is too big. I get to see my cousin corrine though, she's a fashion designer and totally awesome. Need to chill with her more.

I'm angry...in anger mode.grrrr....

[

mood

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crushed

]

So I hate family.

Anthony is homeless, probably freezing half to death outside somewhere. My parents don't think it is appropriate for him to be living with us. I hate my mom for being a bitch, I hate his mom for being a lazy shit. I hate him for not doing the right thing the first time.

I want my christmas miracle, now dammit! I deserve it.