I'm at a crossing point. I can feel it. I think maybe that I'll be doing something different by the beginning of the year. Tera, my brother's neighbor, told me about this nursery in Minneapolis where they need social work help. I don't need a degree to be a social worker, and this place sounds right up my alley. With experience in day care, teaching in a preschool and in Sunday school, and years of babysitting, plus extensive classes in social work, sociology, and governmental laws, I should be kick ass for this job. Hope. I'm going to apply over Christmas break, when I go up to get him, and then see if he needs a room mate. Of course, he does. So I may be dropping out of school. Or I may be moving to Arkansas this summer. Or... I might just be alone. Like always.

I've come to accept the fact that I'll be alone. I move around like crazy. Three schools in three years, I had to make new friends. This will be my third move... Once you're used to it, once you learn not to get too attached, you can make friends anywhere.

And I think... I think I should give up on Todd. I've spent every night thus far with him, and have listened to him snore for 4 out of 5 nights. I feel really safe when I'm with him, and he's told me a lot of things that just make me feel wanted. But like I said, I'm always going to be alone. And he's blind, to boot... which makes that loneliness thing really easy.

I've stopped, once again, taking my medication. I feel too dirty when I take it. And I can't afford to buy it when I'm on my own, so I thought I'd give my body a chance to try on its own. To make up for the lack. People worse off than me have made it before, and I don't want to be the one that didn't.

Now I'm going to go listen to my metallic trance music, and cry myself to sleep...

Stay warm, everyone.