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Friday, August 3rd, 2001
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12:25 am - Time Slipping By
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It's been two years since I started working full time. Every day for two years has been the same. Time seems to stand still, yet it passes quickly. It's the year 2001, yet to me it still feels like it's 1999.
Two years gone in a flash.
Two years of sitting in front of a computer doing work that won't matter within a few months of completing it.
I hate computers now. I'm wasting what's left of my youth sitting in front of them all day. When I was a kid they were magical things. I would code all night. I could see the flow of the program logic in my head. Sometimes at night I would dream in basic, pascal, or C. I'd ride the program flow. Follow the conditional branches. Ride the loops and hop into the subroutines. Clear the register and carry the bit.
Then the internet took off. I stopped programming in real languages. I started writing "web appilcations" in lame mark up code like HTML and scripting languages like ASP and PHP. They sucked the joy of coding out of me.
If I wasn't such a coward, I'd quit my job. I'd give up this safety and security. I get away from computers. I'd open up my eyes and try to take in the world. I wouldn't let my job in the way of my personal life. I would have taken more time to tell her that I loved her. I would have tried. I wouldn't let the comfort of my job stop me from taking responsibilty for my life and actions instead of just living the same day over and over again. I'm comfortable. Too comfortable. I'm a coward. I'll probably never change. When the end comes, I'll probably end up dying right here in front of a computer. The coward that never changed.
current mood:  blank
current music: the chirping of crickets outside my window
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(comment on this)
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