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LiveJournal for Hurting Savage.
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| Monday, March 31st, 2003 |
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Oepkes... I miss you I'm sorry for whatever I did that made us not spend time together anymore... I've found audio tape of Mandy, Milo, you and I.... |
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2003 |
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| I'm so ready to stop......... | ||
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| Friday, February 28th, 2003 |
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JESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! :D Thursday next is when I can bring a friend to my art/drawing class. We will be doing figure studies... would you like to come? My art teacher was really stoked when I told her that you were a deadly artist and should at least experience some form of university teaching. Anyways... uhhh... if you want to call me.. I"m in the middle of moving and don't know if my number will stay the same.. but if not call my neighbors, friends from the bottom of the duplex, at 452-6312. Kay! Kay... Hopefully talk to you later |
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| Wednesday, February 19th, 2003 |
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Her heart just stopped That's all they had to say I don't know what to do I swear I'm wandering around in a dream And if I bang my head against the wall hard enough Maybe I'll wake up But I don't Nobody will I...I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to do It's like I'm living in three layers of consciousness In one I'm sleeping and this hasen't really happened... I think it's my heart that's asleep. I don't think it knows that it's real... I'm so far away... but I'm so scared to go back.. Like eveybody is joking and she'll be there when I go back again. In another I know what has happened. Some annoying voice won't stop repeating "She's dead. Mandy has died. You'll never see her again. Mandy is dead. She's gone, you don't get to see her anymore." And it won't stop repeating... it's driving me crazy.. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 and again. Keep counting, don't stop counting or you'll start crying again. In the third one I'm fighting with myself. I want to shut down... I want to stop... just sit and cease functioning, only the most minimal of vital life functions, eyes half open, blind stare. How do we keep on living when those who should have spent their life with you are no longer allowed to? Do we have the right? But my body won't let me. For some stupid reason I keep reacting to those around me. I keep moving my eyes, turning my head, saying words, breathing... But I don't want to anymore.... |
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| Thursday, February 6th, 2003 |
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To my friend Nora (1983-2003) May death be not something we fear Only another step on the road of life and consciousness I pray that where ever you are you aren't scared or alone And that you no longer hurt And that you know your family loved you and still does I'm sorry we never got to go snowboarding together Or eat space ice cream again I'm sorry for all the things ....... |
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003 |
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... Well here it is.. Another day.... But in two weeks and four days it will be reading week! YAY! Gonna paint my apartment. Blah.. days are mercilessly taxing on the souls of our mind.... How do we bypass the formalities of daily thoughts to achieve heightened awareness? I must learn to meditate? Seek Buddha? Sounds interesting! I'm off! zing....*JESS! Do you know which bus arrives near your house which then goes downtown? Perhaps stopping near Vaughn and Graham? We should have art days. I wanna show you some of the stuff I learned... some of the techniques they teach you are crazy. Yeah... bus.... good. You been listening to Radio2 lately...lot's of Phillip Glass and ummm... good. We should also go to the New Music Festival before it's over. OH! And you have to come to the Paradise Institute at Plug in with me!! Best part is it's free! YAY!! Really kewl... shit.. gotta go... Yeah... kay Bi ZING.....* |
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| Wednesday, December 11th, 2002 |
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Tell me Mr. Bush... Do you ask your God for forgiveness everytime you bomb innocents? Do you ask your God for forgiveness everytime you lie to your people? Do you ask for forgivess of your people when they realise that you've pulled the dark mask over their eyes? Forcing them to see only that which you will tell? Tell me Mr. Bush... what do you get out of being a blinding leader? |
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| Tuesday, December 10th, 2002 |
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Source National Post OTTAWA - The federal government will introduce legislation decriminalizing marijuana within the first four months of the new year, Martin Cauchon, the Justice Minister, suggested yesterday. Mr. Cauchon said that should the House of Commons committee on illegal drugs recommend decriminalization in its report this Thursday, the government will respond quickly. The committee is expected to recommend that growing pot for personal use should not be a crime. A member of the committee said the report will probably suggest a 30-gram limit for personal use. "I mean, we'll see what will be the recommendations of the report," Mr. Cauchon told reporters. "Of course, we will have to analyze all of the recommendations and if we're talking about that question of decriminalizing marijuana, we may move ahead quickly as a government. I don't like to give you a date or a time frame, but quickly, I mean, let's say, beginning of next year. Give me the four first months of next year." The Minister also discussed his personal views on decriminalization. "You know, I don't think I've ever really hid my position. I believe that most Canadians know where I stand," he said. "So I'm looking forward to the report and I'm looking forward to seeing the recommendations regarding decriminalization." In July, Mr. Cauchon said the system in Canada, in which police in some provinces lay charges while others do not, might not be working as it should. "If you look at the system that we have in place, keeping it criminal, it's not very efficient," he said then. "Depending where you are across Canada, they apply or they don't apply the legislation that we have." Mr. Cauchon, one of the youngest members of the federal Cabinet, has also admitted he has smoked pot. "I'm 39 years old," he told reporters in July. "Yes, of course I tried it before, obviously. My own experience can't tell you if it's harmful or not." Yesterday, Mr. Cauchon praised the work of the committee, saying it did a good job analyzing drug laws around the world. Under the Commons committee's proposal, possession of marijuana would continue to be illegal, but those caught with small amounts would not be charged with a crime. Instead, they would have to pay a fine. Randy White, a Canadian Alliance MP on the committee, said Mr. Cauchon's comments show the decision has already been made and that the Minister has been "tipped" as to the report's contents. Mr. White said the Canadian Alliance MPs on the committee will issue a dissenting report on Thursday because they disagree with Liberal MPs as to what constitutes a small amount. He said he supports decriminalizing possession of five grams or less, while the Liberal MPs will likely suggest a cut off of 30 grams. "Everybody should know that 30 grams equals anywhere from 40 to 60 joints. Now you tell me how you can call that personal possession if you're walking down the street and you've got 40 to 50 joints in your pocket. Give me a break. You're using that and you're going to sell them to kids," he said. "Martin Cauchon and the rest of his Liberal rag-tag motley crew have already got this in hand. This is a direct affront to our intelligence to suggest that he doesn't already know what's in that report and the majority of Liberals are going to go with what he wants and he's going to go ahead with it. And to think that this is a democracy at play here is laughable," he said. "If they're going to decriminalize it, then say they're going to decriminalize it. Don't use the committee as an excuse. These guys are just a joke, quite frankly. It's going to be decriminalized and it's going to be decriminalized at 30 grams; that's what they're going to go after." Mr. White said setting the limit at 30 grams would be a "lawyer's dream" because it would be difficult to differentiate between traffickers and those in possession for personal use. "They've got to make it five grams, which is, you know, you're caught with a joint or two in your pocket or you're smoking one," he said. Mr. White said fines should have to be paid on the spot and should increase for repeat offenders. He also said the government should put money toward advertising the negative effects of marijuana and set up a system to catch those driving under the influence of marijuana. "They will decriminalize. The Americans will not like it," he said. A Senate committee report issued in September said marijuana should be legalized for use by anybody over the age of 16. The committee found that moderate use of the drug poses no serious long-term dangers for adults and could be sold under controlled circumstances, like in liquor or drug stores. Mr. Cauchon has rejected legalization, saying that society still believes the possession of the drug should carry some sort of penalty. The Canadian Police Association is strongly opposed to taking possession off the criminal record books. Currently, a person caught with small amounts of marijuana can be jailed for up to six months and receive a fine of $1,000. WHEEE!!! :D |
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| Tuesday, November 5th, 2002 |
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The Life Raft As typified by the life raft floating in a turbulent sea, this personality type strongly needs to help others and to be thought of as a generous and kind individual. Often precisely because these people are so reliable and so willing to help others without recompense, they are taken advantage of and regarded as simply part of the scenery. This problem is compounded by the tendency for Life Raft personalities to view self-promotion as suspect or without merit. These personalities will work unfailingly for a goal and often as not see more outgoing personalities take the credit for it. |
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| Tuesday, October 29th, 2002 |
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Sometimes I feel as if I could lean back through my chair and fall through the floor into an endless silent warm black void... no fear, no regrets, nothing... just black and warm. heh... I'm going to bed now.... |
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| Thursday, October 17th, 2002 |
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Well I was gonna study for my Mid-term this morning with those lovely review sheets I did for hours on end the last few evenings... but instead I accidentally erased them all and the un-erase wizard on my computer doesn't seem to want to work So I'm gonna go shoot myself now if nobody minds... |
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| Thursday, September 26th, 2002 |
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ONLY ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL FRIDAY!!! |
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| Wednesday, September 25th, 2002 |
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Two a bit of another days until rob is here! That's approximatly 60 hours Which is approximatly 3600 minutes Which is approximatly 216000 seconds Which is approximatly 12960000 ummm... whatever comes after seconds I supose? AHHHHH!!!!! *is excited* *skips away dancing a jolly tune* *trips and falls* AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! |
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| Sunday, September 22nd, 2002 |
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It didn't seen right. From the very first moment they told me. He wasn't dead. Things didn't happen like that... I understood who and what we all were... but things like this don't happen. Love was supposed to save us. *Don't leave me here... come back* But I'm standing here.... looing at his broken body. Love won't bring him back. Love won't save him now. *We always knew, didn't we? Always knew you would go first* I wanted to say goodbye, I had so many things to tell him. I had so many ideas, how to put light into his soul. *We could have done it, we could have, no matter what you thought* So I lean down and pull his brokne body into my arms, his head falls limp onto my shoulder. He can pull out of this, I know he can. No one could do it but I know he can. He'll come back to me because he wouldn't leave me to suffer like this, with so few things to remember him by. *When you get back, we'll take picture of you and me, so we'll always remember* The others are staring at me, one of them is crying I think. *Don't cry, you're love is stil standing by you, don't cry* I'm talking, I know I am. Endless, senseless babble. I shake his body and then hold him close. He'll be okay. Any minute now he'll open hi eyes and glare and tell me in that cold voice of him what a fool I am for crying so. Any minute now... and then, when he's done being cold he'll hold me. He'll say how sorry he is for scaring me and once everyone is gone and it's me and him, he'll tell me how much he loves me. they're trying to pull me away from him. Trying to cover him up. Why? Don't you all know? Any minute now he's going to open those beautiful eyes and he'll be so angry if he knows you think he died. I'm laughing but the tears won't stop. *You can't take him! Let me go! Don't touch him!* I pull away from them, nearly rippng my shirt. I grab him from them and pull him to me. I brush his blood soaked hair from his face and kiss his cooling lips. *We'll be together, you'll see, just like we said we would* I pull his fun from it's hiding place on his back and I put it to my head and pull the trigger. There is no pain, None, He is there, he's waiting for me. He's standing in the middle of the field of grass. The place where we first kissed, first made love. *It was the first time I'd ever seen you unsure, if I hadn't been so scared I would have laughed* He smiles, the way he use to when the sun would come streaming in through our window and peirce through our cozy darkness, and I would open my eyes to see him watching me with that smile. *Your smile was like the sunshine itself, I could watch you smiling forever* He pulls me to him and I rest my head in the hollow of his shoulder. *This is our place, this is where we will be toegther* And that is it. He and I and love with no death, no pain to tear us apart. Bio for Ashke |
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| Thursday, September 19th, 2002 |
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.. thought I'd tell yolu in advance this time! We (Oepkes, Liz and I) are going to Oktoberfest tomorrow night! Would you like to come?? AND On saturday were gonna do somthing.. not quite sure what were doing but your always invited... anyways talk to you later I hope. |
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.. thought I'd tell yolu in advance this time! We (Oepkes, Liz and I) are going to Oktoberfest tomorrow night! Would you like to come?? AND On saturday were gonna do somthing.. not quite sure what were doing but your always invited... anyways talk to you later I hope. OH! Next Thursday there's a chronicbreaker show in Selkirk, Liz, Mandy and I are going... perhaps you'd like to come with us to that?? Kay bai |
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| Monday, September 16th, 2002 |
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fuck... |
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Pull the stichings from the wall Dare to see the evil that lies behind The screen of stars in front of your eyes Tear on through to the other side If only to be free for a breath All alone in the dark These walls are smooth Without a mark Desperatly searching For my guiding light To show me the way Out of endless night Can you feel it There inside yourself Where you can't reach To make the pain stop The pain that music Seems to put words to Unaudioable words That tear at the flesh And break the heart That make everything else Unimportant..... Except for the pain Which cries for release From beneath it's beaten prison Falling Drkness Surrounding lonley Crying Finding Praying Ending....... Close your eyes For your eyes will only tell you the truth And the truth is not what you wish to see..... |
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| Sunday, September 15th, 2002 |
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All I think of is you Your thoughts make me insane So far, away, out of touch All the things you'd say They'd drive my body wild Now I can't hear your voice Carried away by space All I think of is you Your thoughts make me insane Your favorite band playin inside my head Makes me silently scream amongst faceless statues |
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Today me and Liz had Silver Bullets while listening to Thrice. I must admit, this evening is just insanity... I feel as I did before Ozzy came on stage.... yet nothing near to how I felt when he played War Pigs and we had just started smoking the song before... I would also like to say that I am in full and eternal love with Thrice. I don't know how they do it but they seem to be the most meticuleous, together, perfect band. Every thing about them makes me want to sing from the very bottom of my soul. I pray for the day that I'll be able to scream and sing while still sounding tolerable.... Tonight I finally realised why I'm so in hopes that my dream could someday come true. Tubby Hungy..... |
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LiveJournal for Hurting Savage.
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crushed.
high.
pissed off.
anxious.