//ramble?// [12 Dec 2005|02:06am] alexandria Everytime I sleep, I see them. It's a feeling I just can't skake. When I'm awake, I tell myself to make it not important. There are a thousand other worries, you know? Why this familiar phantom? I see them. My future entwines with them. They're in my life, and I can't shake it. It seems like they've always been there. Have you ever tried to force something away from your thoughts? Sometimes, I literally draw lines through their memories in my head. But it doesn't work. They're there. Familiar phantoms. They grow older and wiser in my dreams, if not in my day to day life. You'd think that by shutting someone out, they'd stay out. But not here. Both of them. They find me when I'm vulnerable. But I guess I was always vulnerable. I wish I could control my dreams. Everything seems so... nebulous. So half-thought. Sometimes I don't know where I'm going. It seems plain. But like in a dream, I can't help but rely upon familiar patterns, patterns that seem relevant at the time. And they're always there. And I can't stop their memory. How am I supposed to move on?

//ramble?// Pimps In Space [13 Nov 2005|10:38pm] fever_struck I was sitting on the floor watching my favorite show Charmed, when all of the sudden it went to as commercial. Now usually during a commercial I walk around my house mindlessly because I can't keep still during commercials. But I had tried walking around aimlessly for the other half of the shows commercials and found that nothing interesting was happening in my house. So this time, I sat there, paying minimal attention to the t.v., when I started talking to myself and my make believe celebrity friends. Basically, the conversation went something like this : me " Look at me, I'm gangster like that son. Don't mess with me or I'll do the 'brave' thing and stand back while my gang beats the crap out of your one self. Cuz I'm a gangster, bark with me if you're my dog." - I was making fun of the people acting ghetto on Charmed...lol - Then rose McGowan and Alyssa Milano were like "OMG! Alexis..." - Holly Marie Combs wasn't there because she was on her daily motorcycle ride. Millia Yachovich (sp?) was there however... I guess she was supposed to be a guest appearance? anyway... Then I was randomly naming movies about ghetto ass fools when all the sudden, "Pimps In Space" Popped in my head.. That would be the best movie ever. I sat there laughing with myself and my "friends" and thought I had to post this to y'all. (and no, I'm not southern, I live in the suburbs, I just like saying y'all...) <3 - Love me cuz my name is Alexis - <3

//3 mutterers x ramble?// [27 Oct 2005|07:50pm] alexandria Three nights ago, I started to narrate a conversation in my head between myself and the wee hours. Basically, I was all, "Hi, wee hours, remember me," and wee hours was like, "STFU." 'Cause, rather than thinking that 2:00am - 5:00am would be personified as ethereal, I just like to choose bitchy. Then again, this whole conversation kinda weirded me out in that I've never silently talked to a plural personification before. I mean, how is this possible? How? The very grammar of it gives me the heebs. Ever dream in a foreign language? I'm in my third year of French, and let me just say I'm extra special shitty at it. However, two nights ago, I dreamed in French. Fluently. And the thing was, I knew every word that I was saying, and this was just a standard, normal thing. Last night, I woke up at 4:30, and it felt like my head was crawling. My brain was full of thoughts that I couldn't articulate. Is that normal, anyway? Trying to articulate thoughts? Am I the only one who tries that? Anyway, I came up with a line in the middle of the night, and though I can't remember it, I know that at the time, I was very proud. It's funny how one line can tie up a whole head full of loose, creeping thoughts. I wish I could remember.

//1 mutterer x ramble?// [19 Jun 2004|01:32pm] young_spinster There is a newt on my window and a man fixing the roof in the house next to mine. I can hear the silent hum of the muted television in the next room. I love that sound. Makes me feel as if they was someone else in the house. Like an old friend who is content to sit next to you in silence. One of my very favorite songs is playing. "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night. Now there is a song to raise your glass to. Jeremiah and I go back a long way.

//ramble?// [06 Jun 2004|01:23am] mister_sickly I am F. Raymond Sickly. I can't tell you how much I "talk to myself." I am a writer and, for all I know, I am talking to myself right now. Or, nohow, I spend a considerable amount of time doing so. Mostly here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/livefiction --F.R.S.

//ramble?// Bittersweet longings... [13 May 2004|10:36am] miss_jones [ mood | okay ] [ music | 80's tunes ] i talked to him again last night. why? because i was bored. is he a friend, yes? i am not gonna ruin what i have with my beloved. but i need something or someone to fill that void while he is away. man, he's funny tho. kinda cute, but i don;t see myself dating him even if i was single. i dunno, its weird to have another male as a friend. well, hes sorta a friend right now, i'm weighing out the pros and cons. i talked to my sister she made so much sense out of it all. i am 24 now, and its time for me to get out there and have fun, i am tired of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. but i feel weird because i havent told my beloved yet, and i dont think i want to. i dont need to. i can see if i was doing this make friend, and kissing him and what not, but we are friends. and thats that. my right eye keeps twitching... hmmm....

//ramble?// streamofconciousness [07 May 2004|01:45am] alexandria Why am I even awake? This is a trend. No, it's a choice. No, I meant to. Fuck it. So many things to do. I just want to sleep. Seriously, like that deep, numbing sleep where I don't have to deal with the subconcious. Because that likes to fuck with me. Not that there's much to fuck with... But it just does. I don't want to go home. But I do. I don't want to stay here. Like I really grew as a person, a fucking bildungsroman, right? Life lessons learned and all that. I mean, at least I didn't stay at the post office. That would have just ended in flames. But what did I really learn? Does one have to learn anything? Is that the point? Last night's dream was that I got the contract at the P.O. That I was making 75k a year. I didn't have to do anything; I lived in the same hometown as my parents. I went to Harry's on weekends. I ended up moving in some weird house with my cousin. My aunt was there. She bitched at me, I bitched at her. Then some guys helped us move, and I realized they were dead. It was very sad, and they said they were sorry for being dead, but you know, what could they do? I traced the bullet wound on some guy's shoulder, and then he helped me move in my cousin's bed, which was black and fluffy. Then I woke up, feeling that I hadn't slept at all. My roommate, after staying awake for thirty six hours, was still drooling on her pillow. So, rallied, went to classes, thought about things, felt disconnected. Happens, I guess. So, I want to go home. But I don't. Because after all this shit, I don't want to go back. I don't know where I want to go. But it seems that even when I make a new start, I have to place things the way they were. I live in a cycle that I can't break. Goddamn. I should go to bed. I can't sleep.

//ramble?// [10 Dec 2003|05:51pm] principessa04 i have a constant dialogue in my head... and here i thought i was just crazy :) ok, i am but still... for now i must just vent my current thoughts or else i shall go nutty stupid jerk cares about no one but himself or else he would hold up to his promises. and not break them whenever he feels like it. and i'm not allowed to scream and yell when he asks when i'll be home and i say 2:30 and he says he wants to talk to me then and i get home early, say 1:30 and wait and wait and wait... and it's 6 now! where the hell is he? and i'm left to wonder what was so much more important than me. what did he choose over me. WHO did he choose over me. and is she pretty? why oh why does my mind jump to is she pretty. why does it have to be some other girl that he likes better when i know that's ridiculous. but the fact still remains that someone or something is better. and the face still remains that i'm not allowed to say anything. oh no, or else i must sit through "i do allllll these things for you and you appreciate nothing" and hurt feelings and DAMN HIM. damn him for worrying me. for making me wonder if something happened. damn him for choosing other things over me. god knows i talked to him this morning but still. it's like i'm his boredom release. his temporary entertainment till something better comes along. and the worst of it is that he doesn't CARE when he disappoints me like this. damn him and damn me... and i am done. feel soooooo much better.

//ramble?// -Waves!- [16 Nov 2003|12:08pm] ali_oops [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Losing My Religion, R.E.M. ] Hey everybody! n_n! I'm new to this community and I think the idea is just great! What's better than a community dedicated to talking to themselves! –Cheers- Anyways, yep, I'm one of those individuals that talk to themselves 24/7. I don't even get stared at because of it anymore! Yayyy! If you don't talk out loud when you are talking I find it hard to really be enthusiastic on the convo, the one in your head, and often I like sounding out words. Anyone else think so too?

//1 mutterer x ramble?// [05 Nov 2003|03:47pm] ex_gallagher736 James... Let's talk about James. First there was Megan. Oh boy, was it "love". But, like they say, as push comes to shove, he was done with her, like a napkin stained with meal, and he wouldn't allow time for his wounds to heal. Then comes along Ginger (again), asking "James- when?? "When can we be together, like we were before? Remember all those times we were together, on fours? Panting and painting, like young kids do, my Catatonic Dreamer, oh how I love you!" And now James has grown past all of those evils, and writes in bad french, and sits on boweevils. Is he finally happy with Ginger Dear? Or has he just stuck around to drink one more beer?

//1 mutterer x ramble?// [07 Nov 2002|03:20pm] zephyros [ mood | giddy ] [ music | Tori Amos - Me and a Gun ] I got this from an email forward... "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8 I think that's as sweet as it gets... sugary as it is..

//ramble?// [05 Nov 2002|09:30pm] zephrael [ mood | confused ] [ music | 'dilate', ani difranco ] daniel disappeared for a while or maybe i just stopped looking either way i didn't see him and he stopped telling me how much he doesn't like my boyfriend because he took me away how he loved me so much back then goddamnvoices says i goddamnpossessivemalevoices protectivemalevoices like the one who stabbed my dad with his long katana blade when he bent over the dishwasher to fish out the plates vincent he's gone now for all intents and purposes so is my dad and sometimes i wish i was too

//ramble?// I am new here. [04 Nov 2002|04:20pm] sheer_catharsis So they say polka dots are out But I, I like my polka dotted underwear And stripe-d pants.

//4 mutterers x ramble?// [03 Nov 2002|12:06pm] zephyros [ mood | worried ] [ music | The Flir - Lick ] I hate my brother's friends. They're big, scary fat kids who would eat me in my sleep if I didn't lock my door, I swear...

//ramble?// [13 Oct 2002|08:10am] punctilious [ mood | Shifting Eyes ] It is the sort of quiescence that falls like thick haze after you have been screaming for so long that your lungs cry out for mercy. Bitterly fought for catharsis, and in a moment, silence. The dark place where screams go unanswered. There is nothing but the locked door, with you inside. I have a headache, and a weary sort of weakness tonight. I wish I could make it go away, but pills are not the answer -- so I scream and scream into the hollow space called 'Me.' And nothing, not even I, answers. Silence.

//ramble?// [01 Oct 2002|09:48pm] zephrael randomrandomrandom: i'm not in love but i like him a whole lot enough that i feel 'not-home' when i'm not with him and that drives me nuts of course especially when i can't classify things because they are undefinable people are starting to figure things out especially at work how couldn't they see they ask questions and their talking truth be told i like it my friend tells me to not be so uptight in public with him to hold his hand and not just stand there like a little bumpkin schoolgirl waiting to be kissed behind the footballfieldbleachers i need to stop running in all these frickin circles!!!

//ramble?// [24 Sep 2002|03:55pm] vomitbox [ mood | pissed off ] Why is it that everytime I go to do something online or I'm trying to talk to someone on the telephone someone all of a sudden needs the phone, like it's some DIRE emergency and they can't wait 5 fucking minutes? GET ANOTHER PHONE LINE, FUCKHEAD.

//ramble?// [23 Sep 2002|07:37pm] kiichow I know I'm going to misquote it, "to succumb to happiness is to admit defeat." i felt so naked just then.

//2 mutterers x ramble?// [20 Sep 2002|04:53am] saphire_codeine [ mood | only 3 hours left to sleep ] [ music | some shitty rap song on tv ] "well, was she blue?" "yes and some green in her veins.i really didn't like the way she smiled and gazed at me." "i mean it was chester's idear" "i really don't care.... ...the stars are bright tonight" "the sky is foggy, you can't see them ...the dress doesn't fit him" "i know! i didn't want him to dance" "he's a libra... ...i washed my hands" "at least you could scream" "i don't know......where is the car... ...the river is too loud to hear your whiny voice. .....they tied the cat up to the tree." "i hope it bleeds to death" "you don't even know you're name" "i was never set free...your delusions are your spell" "when i went into the bathroom..." "there are no mirrors" ..."did you catch the falling letters?" "i didn't know what was coming to me... ...i don't think i care"... "well, let's clean the sheets" ..."well"...

//ramble?// [15 Sep 2002|04:39am] vomitbox [ mood | exanimate ] Inflamed follicles.. bumpiness.. itchiness.. angry red marks.. ugh. AND THE HORSE PILLS DON'T HELP, EITHER. The lotion, however...

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