5/8/03 04:39 pm - friendly war - another narrative piece
One by one, I saw her turn her back upon her friends.
I always had tried to defend her because after all I thought she'd never leave me like she did with all the rest.
Slowly but surely, she began to morph into someone I didn't know. No more conversation, not even a glance my way. She had fallen deeply in love with her new boy toy. Yeah, the one I helped her get. With all her attention focused on him, she had no time for other friends. Not that she had many friends by this point.
We were already on a rocky path. Do I know what started it? No, probably a personality clash, ethic differences, something like that. She had already started to act different as soon as she met this guy. Maybe she thought she couldn't waste her time on someone she didn't respect, though she had claimed to always respect me more than anyone else.
Already we weren't talking. It had been a long time. Obviously, she needed to be reminded daily of who her friends were. Otherwise she would have remembered certain things about her best friends. Her other "best friends" had long ago jumped ship. I guess they realized what she was really like long before I did.
I do not like to get into arguments with friends nor do I like having opinions forced upon me. Guess she couldn't remember something as simple as that. Hell, maybe she called me that cute little nickname because she couldn't remember my real name.
Over the course of a week, everything exploded.
But one event tore us apart. I made a teeny remark about what had been happening between two people. It was something that didn't have barely any effect on us. Something we could usually joke about, but evidently not now. She got extremely, unmeasurably upset.
Then it happened. She made a comment I would have rather not heard. It's not as if I could have stopped her from whispering her opinion in my ear, though to me, it seemed as if she were screaming her lungs out.
She didn't try to be calm at all, unlike myself. For the friendship, I tried kept my cool. Tried to listen to her repeat exactly what everyone else was all saying. My head ached. I just wanted her to shut up. Couldn't we talk about something else? Couldn't things just go back to the way they were before? Apparently not.
I finally expressed my full opinion. Not directly to her and with a warning, as much as I would have loved to not, that it may be offensive to someone. Parts of it were unjustly tore apart by her, like a dog savagely tearing up a stranger's shoe while their foot were still inside.
Extremely angry, she told me I should not make argumentative statements about something she cared so deeply about because she would never do that to me. Before I had a chance to reply, she became a hypocrite. She ranted and raved about something I cared very deeply about, offended me purposely. I chose not to answer her.
She continued to cry out with the bullshit everyone was saying. I continued to listen to what she had to say, but decided to remain silent.
As time went on, we continued to not see each other. Not speak. Therefore avoiding another confrontation.
Quite some time later, I saw her. She had changed so much. She acted like everyone she had ever hated. Just watching her, I had to restrain myself from leaving a hand print across her cheek.
She acted as if she didn't care that we didn't talk. She had always claimed that I helped her through so much. She couldn't live without me. I was such a good friend to her. This person, who once used to love me, used to say she'd take a bullet for me. This person, that I once would have taken a bullet for. She didn't care.
Honestly, she had never been much of a best friend to begin with. She was so insecure I had to reassure her and compliment her, which I usually did anyways, until my voice became hoarse or else she would fall into a depression. I always listened to her when she needed to talk to or when she needed advice, even though I never got the same support in return. I was there for her as much as humanly possible, despite the fact that my life had been threatening to fall apart.
Now, I wonder, could her behaviour have had a serious effect on my personality? If it did, which side did it influence the most; my nurturing, caring, friendly side; or my dramatic, hypocritical, depressed, cynical side? Obviously this friendship had influenced my life otherwise I doubt I would care so much, yet so little, that she ditched her only true friends.
Because of her, my creative side definitely expanded. I had to think up the most amazingly complex lies or give mind blowing advice on things I'd never even considered thinking about. She pretty much drove me to my creative edge.
I thought I missed the old friend I once had in her, but then I realized, she wasn't any better. The depressed, insecure, younger girl was no better than the whiney yet everything-is-hilarious older girl I know now, they're both incredibly immature.
She was nothing special. Just another messed up girl who apparently thought she could keep a friendship without putting any effort into it. She is one of the many people who have helped me build a nice, strong wall of distrust around myself. Of course, many people have climbed over the wall since, but I'm happy to have them. They earned their way in by being great friends.
She seemed incredibly special at the time which is why I still think about her. It's why whenever she walks by, I hide, but still try to get a glance at her. She may have not been the ideal friend, or even a good friend, but I still miss her.
As a final stab into my heart, I overheard her claiming no one was there throughout the hard times in her life. And once again, she turned to walk away out of my life.
Some friend.
Current Music: Good Charlotte - East Coast Anthem
Current Mood: 
bored
bored
sick