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Kelly

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[26 Jan 2004|10:22am]
7 victims| let me seduce you

it's really happening [19 Jan 2004|10:12pm]
[ mood | excited ]

night night

time for bed

first day of school is tomorrow :)

6 victims| let me seduce you

can i have some space for 100 please? [19 Jan 2004|02:10am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

girls drive me fucking bananas....
i know im a girl, but that isn't the point


a poem from back in the day
seems to fit recent events pretty well

"C'mon guys,
Don't you see? Maybe I just want to be left alone..
If you see me walking down the hall, eyes drooping, pink mouth sagging downwards,
Go the other way, don't try to talk to me
If there is no twinkle in my eyes, no sparkle when they see you-Don't ask what you've done wrong, it's probably not you!
If I don't seem to respond to your many questions with nothing but one word answers, Don't pursue more, I won't give it.
And if, in the case that my body is tense and my mouth a tight line on my face;
In the case that my eyes don't light up and my feet don't skip;
In the case that my voice isn't cheery and my words aren't matter-of-fact-Don't try to cheer me up.
Let me be mad, let me be alone.
It isn't you or anyone you know.
It's life that's getting me down."

6 victims| let me seduce you

and every second i waste is more than i can take [18 Jan 2004|05:55pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | Linkin Park-Numb ]

i finally get time off work and i wish i could go back...:(



"I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you"

let me seduce you

recent events [18 Jan 2004|12:22am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | headache=no music ]

new icon.. i love it! its the sweet and innocent side of me.. *giggle* and the best part about it is that i did it all by myself, took the picture and cropped it and everything... :)

lotsa video games at jillians last night with dave and lotsa conversations.. :) thanks again for the lp album...

saw greg2 at jillians.. he's a cutie... too bad i think he's a dork...

work work work work work.... made 100 bux tonight....

school starts tuesday.. :)

hope all is well

love,
kel

p.s. wunderbar german bologna rocks my world..

7 victims| let me seduce you

lp [16 Jan 2004|10:10am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Linkin Park-Numb ]

February 26th, 2004
7pm, Toyota Center


anyone want to go with me?

the tickets aren't that much.. lemme know... the more the merrier.. it'll be a great show.. i've seen them before..

other perks: chester is fucking hott!

let me seduce you

thank you college god [16 Jan 2004|08:54am]
[ mood | touched ]

I just woke up to the best news ever...

Boni Cole is an angel...

the phone ring ring ring ring.. ugh its 830, go away!

so i answer and she tells me who she is.. loan officer blah blah blah..

im thinking uh oh..

she says.. i wanted to let you know i got you a grant and your $544 balance is paid off and I had to adjust your loan too $900 dollars.. your tuition is paid for and you have a $40 credit to your account..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you god..

i am speechless

:)

8 victims| let me seduce you

you mean the world to me..... [15 Jan 2004|11:57pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Flowery Avenues-The Florida Keys ]

10/01/01-01/06/04

My eclipse was the best car ever... I worked so hard to get it, it was the first thing i actually got all by myself... I cherished that car.. I've been thinking lately about all the good times I had in that car.. really fun times.. the first night i got it..learning how to drive it.. lotsa memories with stephanie, car flirting, linkin park, puddle of mudd, late nights, acid park, trips to everywhere, the few times i thought i was going to wreck it, and the feeling i had everytime it was perfect outside, i could put the windows down and turn my music up and just feel like i was flying.... im really going to miss that car....ppb7222...

but for every bad thing that happens a good thing follows.. and because I don't have my car I am able to go to school, a dream of which I have been chasing for years... :)

American Govt. 8-930
Sociology 930-11
Spanish 12-130

I'm really excited, I am going back to school, which is what I live for.. I don't know what I would do without learning.. I am amazed at the things I learn on a daily basis.. there is so much to absorb and take in....


I just wanted to let all my friends out there know that I love you.. I don't always show it, and I know I definitely don't say it, but I appreciate everything that you do, or have done, or will do.. You all mean alot to me.. You have made me who I am, and pulled me through the tough times and were there to laugh with me during the good ones.. I'm sorry for the distance lately, but I am not happy with myself, and it has been effecting every part of my life.. and I want to be the best person I can be and I want to treat all of you the way you deserve to be treated...

Memories are amazing things.. and so are all the people i share them with..

Goodnight,
Kel

5 victims| let me seduce you

[15 Jan 2004|11:20pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

You look at me and see the girl
Who lives inside the golden world
But don't believe
That's all there is to see
You'll never know the real me

She smiles through a thousand tears
And harbours adolescent fears
She dreams of all
That she can never be
She wades in insecurity
And hides herself inside of me

Don't say she takes it all for granted
I'm well aware of all I have
Don't think that I am disenchanted
Please understand

It seems as though I've always been
Somebody outside looking in
Well, here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can't take my heart from me
And they can't bring me to my knees
They'll never know the real me

let me seduce you

[14 Jan 2004|02:56am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | All-Time Quarterback-Why I cry ]

sorry

8 victims| let me seduce you

[14 Jan 2004|01:04am]

My personality is rated 36.
What is yours?
quiz by midgetfarm.com




Your score is
36/50
what does that mean?
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
let me seduce you

red= mulberry [13 Jan 2004|04:06pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | headache=no music ]

bathtime rocks....

incense+candles+bubble bath+peacefulness+running water-headache=heaven

all i can smell right now is my strawberries and champagne lotion.. the fan is blowing it around and around...

mmmmmmmm

1 victim| let me seduce you

[13 Jan 2004|01:49am]
Today's Chinese Proverb:

"Disease can be cured; fate is incurable."
let me seduce you

something bout this time of year [13 Jan 2004|12:53am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Flowery Avenues-The Florida Keys ]

weird mood tonight... random thoughts which is nothing really surprising.. ADD at its best... my head is floating in the clouds as usual..

there are some amazing people in this world.. beautiful people.. and not just in a physical way.. i think i have realized lately how shallow i've become when it comes to looks and acceptance.. I can remember never being like that.. just being me and it not mattering what anyone else thought.. I wonder when it all changed.. I miss loving people for who they are just on the inside...I guess I got sick of being picked on and stuff.. so I changed.. but I got lost in the process.. I hope one day I can get back to the way I was...


One thing I will remember about being young is being so innocent.. innocence is beautiful..
in·no·cence ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-sns)
n.
1.The state, quality, or virtue of being innocent, as:
a. Freedom from sin, moral wrong, or guilt through lack of knowledge of evil.
b. Guiltlessness of a specific legal crime or offense.
c. Freedom from guile, cunning, or deceit; simplicity or artlessness.
d. Lack of worldliness or sophistication; naiveté.
e. Lack of knowledge or understanding; ignorance.
f. Freedom from harmfulness; inoffensiveness


im longing for something.. but im not exactly sure what.. when i heard this song tonight i got that weird, floaty feeling in my stomach and in the bottom of my throat and it almost made me cry on the spot.. so much to work out.. so much to figure out in my head.. I just don't even know where to begin..

"how did i get so far?
all of this driving has taken its toll.
it's early enough that shadows point west,
and by west i mean home.
it's cloudy enough that shadows point nowhere but here.
the stars at night are big and bright, so ive heard.
but im in texas and all i see is fog and reflected light from light lined highways."


Things are going okay I guess.. it's a day to day kinda thing lately.. My mom says it'll only get better... and I suppose we'll see.. School might work out, i might get another car.. it's hard to say at this point.. excuse the lack of enthusiasm or interest but as of today, everything is just uncertain..

I found this poem.. alot of the words are what i think to myself on a regular basis.. its amazing to me how people can describe your thoughts perfectly.. if i could be in love with words, these would be it..

There are songs to be sung,
and pages to be filled with memories.
There are roads to be traveled in
places I have never seen.
There are postcards to send,
and so much beauty just to take in.
There are dreams to be chased,
and friends to be held more dearly.
There is love to be seen more clearly.
There are fears to be faced,
and tremblings to understand.
There are new days to brave,
and all this foolish pride to lay down in your hands

2 victims| let me seduce you

duh [09 Jan 2004|02:33am]

How evil are you?
1 victim| let me seduce you

Suggest to me [09 Jan 2004|12:36am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | All-Time Quarterback-Why I cry ]

1. A movie.
2. A book.
3. A musical artist, song, or album.
4. An LJ user not on my friends list.
5. Something to do in the next two months; something daring or adventuresome.




happy 25th.. wherever you are :/

5 victims| let me seduce you

FUCK IT ALL, IT'S NOT WORTH IT [07 Jan 2004|01:31am]
so for all of you thats ever wished bad upon me.. or for those i have trashed talked or talked down too.. today is the day you can laugh at me for being a complete and utter fuckup.. my life is completely worthless.. i have come to be a 21 year old piece of shit.. a going nowhere job, no school, few friends, a big ego, im fat, helpless, faithless, careless, worthless and now carless.. not to mention i've moved halfway around the U.S. for a guy...but imagine that.. i fucked that up too.. how pathetic that i actually thought we stood a chance..
i've ruined a great opportunity at an education, i've gotten my car repossessed, i've done drugs, i've stopped caring, i've grown hateful, i lie, i yell, i have grown depressed, i think of death, i dont believe i am able to love or be loved...im a huge inconvience to everyone.. i am too needy and dramatic... where did the good me go.. where is the person that i actually used to like...

i have lost my goals, my dreams, my values, my morals.. all for what i thought was love..of which i am incapable of... i couldn't grow up.. and now he hates me.. and we can agree on one thing cause i hate me too...
for years i've been living my life in a fucking dream.. nothing is what it seems.. i've been swimming around in the fucking clouds.. looked down upon people, treated people like shit.. told myself that i was great and my shit didn't stink...and why cause i am no better.. i dont even deserve to be here.. i have embarrased myself, my parents, and any person that has ever cared about me..

they say you create your own destiny.. well im tired of mine and now i hope that i go to sleep and never ever wake up.. someone else would be much better off breathing the air i waste to be here..
4 victims| let me seduce you

[07 Jan 2004|12:48am]
[ mood | numb ]

for the first time in my life i wish i was dead

3 victims| let me seduce you

linkin park rocks my world! [06 Jan 2004|04:31pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | All-Time Quarterbacks-Why I Cry ]

many new songs from gregory today.. he is my mp3 whore! :P
finally downloaded the whole lp meteora album.. can't say im all that impressed but the lyrics are good as usual.. i particularly like these:

There are just too many
Times that people
Have tried to look inside of me
Wondering what I think of you
And I protect you out of courtesy
Too many times that I've
Held on when I needed to push away
Afraid to say what was on my mind
Afraid to say what I need to say
Too many
Things that you've said about me
When I'm not around
You think having the upper hand
Means you've got to keep putting me down
But I've had too many stand-offs with you
It's just about as much as I can stand
Just wait until the upper hand
Is mine

So many people like me
Put so much trust in all your lies
So concerned with what you think
To just say what we feel inside
So many people like me
Walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want
Is to feel like I'm not stepped on
There are so many things you say
That make me feel like you've crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall
And I'm counting down the time
'Cause I've had so many stand-offs with you
It's about as much as I can stand
So I'm waiting until the upper hand
Is mine

One minute you're on top
The next you're not
Watch it drop
Making your heart stop
Just before you hit the floor
One minute you're on top
The next you're not
Missed your shot
Making your heart stop
You think you won.

And then it's all gone

I know I'll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us
But you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating
Up above us all
But what goes up has got to fall

5 victims| let me seduce you

shimmy shimmy cocoa puff [05 Jan 2004|11:59pm]
[ mood | perplexed, silly, mellow ]
[ music | huuuuum ]

as i sit here with my new fleece blanket enjoying my ever so cozy computer chair.. my mind aimlessly wanders and i wonder where the phrase 'cute as a button' comes from.. i saw it on a friends livejournal.. and after pondering the phrase for awhile.. the answer doesn't come to me.. i dont find buttons all that cute.. they break off, they get lost, they are hard to sew on, and they are tiny.. they are just kinda there.. cute as a puppy just makes much more sense to me...

hmmmm...

i noticed that i am often comforted by the sound of something running... the reason for this random thought is that the subjects to my lj posts usually have to do with something i saw or noticed while i was posting an entry.. whether it be a fan, or my computer, or the dishwaster/dryer/etc.. and tonight i was listening to my computer and i was trying to figure out how i could put the sound of my computer running into words.. but i suppose it's more like a hum.. huuuuuuuuuuuum!

:)

2 victims| let me seduce you

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