Becca's Journal

8:28pm: Some news.

Not my news. Other peoples news.

First, yesterday a third state was added to the list for gay marriages and that's New York. Not a surprise location, but we'll see how long that one lasts, could be another California (a similar situation actually happened in New Mexico actually. But lasted only hours).

"The court recognized that unless gay people can marry, they are not being treated equally under the law. Same-sex couples need the protections and security marriage provides, and this ruling says they're entitled to get them the same way straight couples do." - Susan Sommer, Supervising Attorney

Come on it's not that difficult. That's simple simple logic. But though there's one state down for equality, we checked 11 off the other way last November. So where is this movement headed?

Next, I'm not using AOL anymore. So back to Chaudfeu on aim. Unfortunately that means no more seeing AOL news everyday. Such a shame. Especially with classic headlines like this.


Hmm... one of these things is not like the other?

I'm also getting more excited about this cooking thing. And I just hope the gods are gracious enough to not give me salmonella.

I need a fucking job. If I don't get one near the end of next week I will be applying at Wendy's. It is, after all, only a block or two away.

Kyle made the rule of no movies during the day. He also made a task list that included things for me to do while he was at work. I guess this means he's proposing soon.

Finally, give me movies to put on my Netflix (far superior to blockbuster) Queue.

Bitches
-Beque

11:42pm: Just a bit of fun American Trivia.

Our voter turnout is generally at or below 50%. Rarely over 55.

Iraq's voter turnout was estimated at 72%.

I wonder if that includes the 44 (or more) people who were killed by suicide bombers
-Beque

11:22am: I think possibly the funniest thing about live journal being down was thinking about all the people who had no one to tell about this significant event in their life because of the fact that it was down.

If I've ever had a wife feeling moment it was last night as I prepared dinner, cleaned the house and did laundry all at the same time. But I didn't get to think about it because I was busy as fuck. Oh and in case anyone is interested I did slice off a knuckle whilst grating cheese. I didn't notice until the cheese started coming out red and then I noticed the pain. I don't think I picked out all bloody cheese either... Did you enjoy your leftovers at lunch Kyle?

Today I shall cook again, but who knows if it will be a common occurrence. Hot dogs are so much cheaper than all the ingredients for a meal. It makes that cap of $200 on groceries I thought we should have get passed on the 15th of the month. Opps.

Seeing as the cooking is now done (don't you love posts that span an entire day) I'm happy. I'm also happy because of the wine and bicardi limon coursing through my veins making me a silly spaz.

Not happy about the giant flying roach that was lost in my bathroom.

I don't have the strength to type more.

silly depressants.
-Beque

7:06pm: PS - I didn't realize until today I live in the only state that has a ban against gay couples adopting children. Glod Bless the US.

6:13pm: What a day what a day. It was relatively happy and uneventful for awhile. I started training at my new job (Talk America... telemarketing YAY!) and it was a lot of orientation reading mumbo jumbo. Then was the hour lunch where I sat alone at a table in the break room making small talk with the guy refilling the vending machines because I was the only one who didn't use their cars to amble of elsewhere. But really I quite enjoyed the soggy bagel and cheese that turned to liquid instead of melting on the sandwich I paid 1.75 for from one of those shiny rotating lunch pieces of shit. The guy showed me how to work them by using a Las Vegas metaphor. Apparently vending machines and slot machines are quite parrallel.

So that was an eventful hour.

Then after lunch we actually got to learning about the product we are to be selling. Slightly numbing as you hear the same person pitch over and over but have to keep restarting because they make mistakes. I'm sure they're happy they now know things better. I'll be happy tomorrow when I actually get a chance to practice because even with 2 hours and a group of less than 10 I didn't get to today.

Then was going home. Now to get home from my work I have to take a bus down colonial then transfer to one going down university. The bus was scheduled to come at 4:45. We got out at 5. The next bus comes at 5:45. Feeling like some air and impatience I decided I could just walk to University in less than 45 minutes so I might as well do that.

About 2 blocks down the bus whizzes by me.




Bastards.

I also find it's not that fun to walk in the heeled, strappy shoes I have. I didn't know blisters could get that big. Learning experiences all around.

As I have the stop on university in cite I go to check one last time if I have the right change. My pockets feel less full then I remembered. I suppose that was because I was less one wallet. One wallet with ID (that was dated from last may which I need to get resident status in time for fall semester), Credit card (that I had just received a replacement for two days earlier), and money (about 200 dollars since I didn't have checks or a credit card). But you know... it was lost in an area of good honest people, the university, I'm sure it will be returned to me promptly.

Don't forget that the change for my bus fare got stuck and then some dropped leaving me a quarter short so I had to beg.

I also had to pee badly the entire time. When I finally got home I broke down and cried on the toilet. It was very romantic, right out of one of your popular drama films.

I think god is punishing me for living with a boy before marriage.


Do your worst
-Beque

8:02am: I finally almost feel like my house (apartment) is complete. As kyle would say because all the things on my lists are crossed off. I even got a bundt pan. The only thing I need for the kitchen still is a whisk and a cheese grater. I think the latter is probably a more eminent need. I'm glad I don't have a lot more things to buy because as weird as it sounds I'm getting tired of spending money. It's stressful. I'll buy nothing more than food for the remainder of the month unless it's absolutley necessary.

I still don't know where toothpicks are in the grocery store.

My tooth with the crown has been hurting. It's annoying because I know whatever is happening is under the crown so brushing isn't going to do shit besides making sure new bacteria doesn't burrow in there to help. I guess the only reason it matters if it rots out is there will be nothing to glue the crown to. I'm sure they have some way of securing it into the gums. I hope I won't have to get one of those retainers with the fake tooth. I think I'd just rather have a blank spot... it's a back molar anyway.

If gift wrapping didn't cost anything I would do it for everything I bought for myself. I suppose that's wasteful, but it would make me so happy.

I guess I should shower, as much as the lazy ass look works for me.

I'll whisk myself away
-Beque

6:19pm: Now that kyle has seen it and liked it, I just thought I was mentioned...

Napolean Dynamite was done by two mormon guys (BYU graduates)

Eat that
-Beque

5:19am: I'm learning so much already.

1) Super Walmart near the university on a sunday afternoon is fucking packed. Avoid at all costs at this time. I wonder if nights are better.

2) Just because a room is perfectly clean one day doesn't mean it will be clean around noon the next day. What the hell?

3) George Foreman grills are pretty handy.

4) Unsalted sunflower seeds aren't that great just to snack on, but good for salads.

5) I need running shoes.

SPECIAL NOTE: The new name to reach me on aol is cccponthetv (three c's. Think cyrillian), because if I'm already on aol hell if I'm going to spend the 10 minutes it takes to open aim by dailup.l

I'm sure I've learned more. I just have a shitty memory so I'll have to learn it again soon. It's okay I don't mind it. Have to call it life.

Don't cry for me.
-Beque

PS - all you naysayers to couples moving in together are full of it. This is great. It's like having a second you that helps get things done except you get to have sex with yourself and watch yourself walk around naked.

4:46pm: So having a "significant other" is quite awesome. Sure I suppose for the obvious reasons of lovins and companionship and other assorted things that all those lonely and needy people long for, but you get a second mother. Now I wouldn't call her quite that yet... but she cooks, does laundry, buys me ice cream and all sorts of neat things. It's like adopting a new family late in life. A weird little brother. A giant pony dog.

And all this time I also have the original support system back in New Mexico. Granted, my father is crazy... but my mom keeps asking me if I need more money. And that's cool.

I wonder where Target is in Orlando
-Beque

10:13pm: It's funny that we've spent days away... but when he leaves for a 9 hour workday I miss him terribly and barely know what to do with myself.

So I miss cable. I need to take off the photography and art communities off my friend's page. I will so miss their color; utter fucking shame. I am really dreading when I have to install AOL onto my computer. I should make a ghost now for it will never be the same again.

Oh and since when do my friends write so much. Geeze Louise people. Get lifes lives... or at least jobs.

Speaking of jobs I think I get to sell long distance. I have an interview Monday. At this point I'll do anything for 10 dollars an hour (plus commision) short of prostitution or pouring syrup/honey on myself.

Now to pass the time I'm adding movies to my new blockbuster account que. HURRAY!

Oh and the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is actually a good Soundtrack, not just overated. You don't see score mixed with popular music (done well) on soundtracks often. It's quite nice.

Lastly, I just thought I'd do the obligatory gloat statement. I walked around in a t-shirt in breezy, sunny 80 degree weather.

Eat that!
-Beque

5:48pm: I am sorely dissapointed at the caliber of my friends list. In that there was only two who comprehended that me posting the most grotesque picture of a women who is regularly quite unnatractive and said it was hot... was possibly sarcasm for the reason of sharing the fugly shot. If I was quite pro-paris hilton there are semi-attractive pictures of her out there. It's amazing really.

You people
-Beque

10:30am:


OMG PARIS IS SO HOT
-Beque

10:14am: So my grades magically popped up completed last night. Horray!

In addition to my B+ in German, that I knew about last week, I got a B+ in my Nihilism class and an A in Astronomy.

Giving me a 3.55 for the semester.... a uh... 2.44 cumulative. But if my grade petition goes through I'll have a 2.996 (do they truncate or round up? Let's hope round up.)

I don't think many of you will appreciate just how much work it took to get an A in that fucking Astronomy class. I think the difference between what most people experience and what someone in my class experienced can be best demonstrated by a conversation I had with an old friend from elementary school who had his astronomy class in the same auditorium directly after me:
Marcus: Hey! BECKY
Beque: Hey.... what's up
Marcus: You like your astronomy class?
Beque: Uh... I guess. Is that what you have now?
Marcus: Yeah. It's really easy.
Some weird smiley guy: Yeah. Har har Hyuck
Beque: You mean you don't have homework and reading every night?
Marcus: No
Beque: You mean you don't get given multiple activities to finish after the lectures giving you only a quarter of the class period to do them?
Marcus: Nope.
SWSG: gurgle
Beque: You mean your tests don't cover information and equations that you never went over in class? YOU MEAN you're not expected to do work that is based on information the instructor never gave you? YOU MEAN you are allowed to have more than one excused abscence? YOU MEAN YOUR INSTRUCTOR ACTUALLY ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF JUST LOOKING AT YOU THEN GETTING DISTRACTED AND MOVING ELSEWHERE?
SWSG: (laughing and smiling)
Marcus: yeah no... he just gives us a sheet of the questions before the test so you just have to memorize it.

So really I hate this woman, my professor. And that thing about asking questions is really true, I had it happen to me several times. Or sometimes she would say, "Well read this paragraph," and as I'm saying, "I did, I just dont understand this... part... " she's already backed turned and yards away talking to someone else.

I had to do every peice of stinking extra credit. I could never skip classes because my group was moronic and wouldn't get anything done (proven by the day I missed... we got 2 activities and had one that we hadn't finished the class before. Low and behold all three were untouched.)

And I'm still quite sure I only pulled of this A by the skin of my teeth. I don't think this woman is willing to accept that people aren't taking her class because they're interested in Astronomy.

NEVER AGAIN!

Now I just have biology left and I WILL LOVE IT.

Oh and I got a book thing from Carnival Cruise Lines. It's fun to look at.

gurgle
-Beque

11:00pm: So today I experienced the "laying on of hands" by a well meaning elderly gentleman. He told me my seed would be fruitful, I'm smart and talented, I should follow and trust my future husband and we will be very happy and together for the eternity (me and my husband, not me and the old man).

Overall quite positive. That's the second man in power who's genuinely had some feeling that I would be some sort of special.

Then my happy happy parents took me out to eat seafood.

Grand.

I'm entirely conflicted. No I don't think the words of God were flowing through this nice mans mouth in reference to me, my past and my future. But it was interesting to hear someone who I'd never met before in my life talk to me about these things. It's not as if he's some guy who honed his psychic ability and is now making the big bucks. He is not paid, he did not choose to have this job (calling)...

It's really interesting what people can accomplish if they have faith in what they believe. I battle in my mind all the time whether religion is truly a bad thing, for some higher knowledge seeking reason. Because true or not it does help a great many people as their foundation and guidance for morality. Yes yes death and war in the name of God. How cliche. (Christa I'm looking at you) Speaking purely of christianity because I don't know enough about any other religions to speak of them... they're based on peaceful and loving doctrine. Hate comes from the corruption in certain buildings and people.

God I hate Mates of States. I'd rather have my ear drums pulled out and chewed by Rilo Kiley than listen to them.

I need a happy soundtrack to my life song right now. The kind they have playing when the main character has some sort of burst of happiness and motivation that lets them know in the end it will all be all right and this dramatic rise and climax will all fall to some grand conclusion of good hope.

I haven't found it yet
-Beque

9:09pm: So Big Man on Campus, taking place at my future school, premiered tonight. It's not fair though... I'm sure sluts like this at are every school. They just don't get a chance to flaunt it on National Television.
Some guy named JEFF answered this to the question "What do you think is your best quality?"
"I pride myself on being real cool by picking up a lot of girls"

And he's was chosen as one of the final 6.

If you want to know what it is.... it's the Bachelor college edition. It's made by the same people. In fact the only difference at all takes place on the first show only, wherein the girls actually choose and narrow it down to the Bachelor Big Man on Campus.

I got my extended version of RotK though. So I'm pleased as a peach.

Oh and a B+ in German 201... so I have a 3.33 for this semester so far. That should make me happy. But then again I didn't realize I was so close to an A. I would've studied harder for the final.

Astro final tomorrow and then I'm done. Then I can be just as lazy as I want. YEE HAW!

Well that was one of the more boring posts I've made recently.

Sorry about that
-Beque

2:01pm: Well my paper's turned in. If he'll accept it.

Thank you all who helped with suggestions and editing, it was greatly appreciated.

The fun part was closing word after I sent my final draft to the printer... seeing the printer not accepting it. Going back to cancel the job and reopen word.... to find every change I'd made to the paper since this morning gone. All the editing, all the footnotes, my conclusion, the last paragraph I added in to make it look a little bigger and make a little more cohesive sense. All this gone the moment I was about to walk out the door.

So I tried to fix and recreate everything the best my memory and speed-editing skills could do and since I didn't have time to get to the school I emailed him.

God (professor thomsom) have mercy
-Beque

10:41am: So I don't know if you've heard about something new called AWOL - Alcohol Without Liquid.

It's basically sucking in vaporized liquor. Right now I believe it's legal but restricted to no more than 3 shots.

So on the one hand I do believe that since there's not really any testing done I'm not going to be upset about them limiting it for now, because alcohol going straight to your bloodstream might have some bad effects. We don't really know at this point.

On the other hand, the show I just saw a bit about it on.... their concerns were so ridiculous.

-First was... OMIGOD how is this not like pot?!?!

Well just because it's also inhaled into the lungs doesn't mean it's an illegal drug. You fucking moron.

-Then one lady got really angry saying we don't need more alcohol to mess us up and make us sick.

Well... alcohol is legal right now. So are you going to start getting angry when a bartender makes a new drink? Or at party city for selling cut swizzle sticks? Come on.

-My personal favorite. IM WORRIED ABOUT MY KIDS GETTING AHOLD OF THIS

First, the representative for AWOL had the good point that there's alcohol out there now, so how do you regulate that? The point I wished he had made? The single machine costs 300 dollars. If you want something that can serve more than one? 3000 dollars. They really aren't going to be floating around. They'll be at bars. If your kids are getting into the bars then it's not that they're consuming their alcohol vaporized that you should be worried about. and you'll still have to get your hands on the liquor even if by some crazy thing you gather up the money for your own unit.

The Ultimate Party Toy!
-Beque

9:25am: PPS - http://www.boomspeed.com/chaudfeu/NietzscheA.doc

7:18am: I just have one page left. Which is fun because I'm to the part where I honestly don't know what to say.

But yes. If you have time to read this... to contribute anything... if you suck at grammar just tell me if it makes sense. If you don't care about substance you can just look at grammar

Whatever.

Comment here with your aim or e-mail. I'll post it here on lj in about an hour though. Hopefully. Geeze.

Or you know... even if you just want to google a page for me of common grammatical, paper-writing pitfalls.

And It will only be about 6 pages double spaced.

No time for wit!
-Beque

PS - I still feel like vomiting.

4:37am: My mouth tastes like nail polish.

My stomach feels like the coffee drinks are re churning themselves to have a frothy milky top when they resurface from whence they came.

My computer is reseting itself every 10 minutes on the dot.

But at least I'm making some progress on this fucking douche bag essay.

TGIT
-Beque

7:34pm: PS - anyone who is online tomorrow from maybe 9 to 12 (mountain time) I will ask you to proofread.

7:13pm: I'm ready!

Full night of writing bullshit. No sleep. Argh. Usually essays are so easy. Not when Heidegger is involved my friend. Nothing with him is ever easy. At least for part of it I can say THIS GUY IS FULL OF IT... from Nietzsche's point of few at least. I'm finally getting somewhere but I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I misunderstood the basic premise of the essay topic. Oh well.... as long as i get a C on the paper I'll get an A in the class.

Come less than to weeks I'm going to miss chile dearly. And Blake's Lotaburger. I had a combination of the two tonight and it was very satisfying and produced many pleasureful endophins to help me get through the night. I think the coffee will help too.

BETTER GET BACK

Nose to the grindstone
-Beque

9:19am: I think my crazy-planning-ness has reached a new level. I went through and made a list of everything we need for our kitchen.

Then I found the ones I like and bookmarked all of them so I could have a general price of how much it would cost. I'm excited for it though. Target will be my best friend.

And Kyle picked up our lovliest lovely shower curtain today. Yay! So all we need now is towels. And maybe a toilet brush. Oh and I guess a plunger. If Kyle's anything like his little brother. DEAR GOD!

So I have my first written final today. Thank the lord this madness is almost over. Some last minute studying for this shit head, then up until Tuesday around noon my life is devoted to my Nietzche/Heidigger paper.

Oh except for a few hours Sunday. Wherein I not only have to go to church, but I have to go into a bishops interview. It will be farsical, I garuntee. The main thing I'm worried about is tithing (paying 10% of what you make to the church). See maybe I could deal with slipping a 50 to make them happy. But I should be giving them hundreds of dollars. That just ain't cool. It's not worth hundreds of dollars for me to keep up some silly charade. I'm hoping to just say that I'm waiting to pay it in Florida.

God it's going to be weird being asked questions of "worthiness". Yes sir, I love sex, liquor, porn... I'm pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, I'm moving in with my boyfriend (a non-member), I don't beleive in jesus as the "redeemer", I don't beleive in God anymore than laws of nature and Oh yeah... I think you're ugly.

I think I'll make it.
-Beque

10:07am: It's funny how I'm faced with quite similar feelings as I was almost a year ago as January came closer and closer and I didn't beleive it could happen. But it did.

On December 27th I will be making use of my one way ticket to Orlando. The plane won't crash, the world won't end and I won't die before I arrive. (I wish I could say something concrete about when we'll be moving into an apartment, but alas I can't.)

So I'm worried about my cat. A couple days ago she's laying on my bed and her head starts twitching. Ever seen night at the roxbury? Yeah like that, just more sporadic. And instead off being based of an annoying SNL skit it's based off scary.

A while before that I noticed this weird bald spot on her head. My mom says it was probably just from a cat fight. But it's gotten bigger. And now there's this weird looking blood boil or dark growth. I can't look at it closer because she won't let me touch the area. I'm really worried. I hope she doesn't die until I move out. Then I can be more apathetic about it. But if I actually saw her lifeless body I would not be able to handle it.

The other day I heard this Nada Surf song and thought, "Wow I really like this." And then I downloaded a couple more songs off the same album and realized to my great sadness. They don't always sing in french.

I reallized the other night that the only way I would be able to kill myself is by jumping off something tall. Very tall. I don't want to feel impact, I need that dying in the air thing. See I can't do anything slow. Drowning frightens me immensley. Hanging yourself is just chokeing unless you manage to break your neck. Slitting your wrists takes to long and it's quite hard to get deep enough. Sure the veins right there but it's deeper than you think (not that I've ever tried suicide. I just know because in being a cutter in a past life I've cut my wrists before.) I don't have a gun, but even if I did I A)Probably wouldn't be able to actually pull the trigger. and B)Would be worried it might now work right away.

You might think that pulling the trigger would be like jumping off a building, a quick action but hard to get the guts to do. Well you're wrong. When was the last time you were on a cliff, mountain or building? If you're at the edge the first impulse is to fall off. I'm right aren't I? You can be perfectly stable, but it's an impulse. Then you actually think and you're like, haha how strange. So it would be very natural feeling. ANd it's not such a quick drastic moment of jumping off. It can be very pleasant.

Just fall
-Beque

10:09am: So root canals are shitty.

I don't mind the drilling and poking and proding of my tooth. It's numbed. I feel nothing besides the occasional sharp pain. What I'm not a fan or is whatever they were doing at the end that felt like they were fucking shredding my gums and that continually pressing a blade down on them. It hurt like a bitch. He was like pushing them back or down or whatever with his "explorer" (ie point metal thing) and I'm not sure why the nerves in my tooth were numbed but not in my gums. Not to mention the fact that I had to sit there with my mouth wide open for almost 2 hours.

No exageration.

The anethesia made me feel sick and headachey almost right away. Maybe he hit some vein that went straight to my head because I felt like the old days of popping back hydrocodone. In other words, my head was pounding and I wanted to vomit. I still want to vomit.

I feel like I should eat something to settle my stomach. But you know, I don't want to bite my tongue off or something because I'm still retardedly numb.

And I keep spitting up these fucking peices of cement.

I very much am hating the world.
-Beque