revolver's been turned over, school tidings and the benefits of cardiovascular workouts   
07:13pm 25/08/2002
 
mood: peaceful
music: elliot smith-mix of three cd's
i think i worked out 5 days out of last week. i rock

i'm about to go on a bike ride. the only thing about that stupid bike i ride is that the seat is made for a man and it's hurts like a bitch to ride after awhile. i've gone up to 10 miles a day and i can't tell you how painful that can be.

this weekend was a lot of fun. i went to revolver on friday with chantal, jen, john, john's roommates, my siter katie and dana. we danced, saw a bunch of people i've known for awhile, drank for free (having a "boyfriend" is pretty cool when you don't have a job), etc. then i went back with john and peter to john's house and we hung out till bright and early in the morning. the next night jen and i went to get dana and veronica with john and billy (jen's man). we went over to the gables pub and then to a party at the four quarter's habitat (apartment complex) where the knockouts and lose the rookie live. we hung out with a bunch of kids and then we went back to john's where there were a bunch of people chilling. it was a pretty good weekend, although my sister's are now gone and that sucks. but, i've been partying extra hard lately and i could use a break.

i know there are people's names that are unknown, but that's pretty much why i haven't written in awhile...the social life has been like an everyday thing. thankfully, school starts soon and i think i'm ready for it. i've kept myself pretty busy with things over the past few weeks, it's time to get back on track. my parents are out for the weekend and i'mm pretty psyched. julia's going to be home and we're already talking of having a party.

anyway, that's it for me. school starts in two days and i'm ready		  
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long time no talk and the utter stupidity of confused relations between two people getting to know..   
05:17pm 22/08/2002
 
mood: good
music: magnetic fields-get lost
so, it's been some time since i last wrote. lots of things have been going on, i'm busy working on projects, started quasi-seriously dating a boy named john walsh and have been preparing for my sister's to leave back to gville. i've also rekindled friendships with some people i used to know from high school, chantal and jenny. i'm going now but wanted to stop in and tell everyone i say hi		  
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once you start me up i'll never stop   
09:40pm 26/07/2002
 
music: pinback
okay, i'm going to mick jaggers 60th birthday party tonight with Eva. my cousin, whose a ford model, loves me and gave me an invitation for 2 people to get in. it's free smirnoff all night. how rad is this? i can hardly contain myself.....so excited.

eva's on herr way over and we're gonna get ready. i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow		  
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i don't know what to even write here....   
10:01pm 16/07/2002
 
mood: confused
music: new order-elegia
so, i found out from parsons today. i didn't get in. they wrote me a letter basically telling me that there were only 17 seats to fill and that i should try to apply again. what's that all about? alright alright, i know. i applied in june which is a tad late. but, i was soooooo looking forward to getting out of south fla for grad school. it's like i know that i want to do this, i want to go to grad school for graphic design and i want to go ahead and get on with it. but, i also feel like i'm getting older and i'd really be starting my career at 30 if i go to grad school even now. i'm going to still go ahead and apply for grad programs for the spring, that's going to be my new committment. but, i don't know what i'm going to do if i don't get into a program then. it's just driving me crazy. and, i think a lot hangs on the fact that i'm going to a community college, studying at a lower academic level than a university. i really don't know what to do now. i had plans tto move tto ny, a place to stay, ideas of what i wanted to do. i'm just really confused as to what i'mm going to do now. most of the talk going on among my parents and i involve me staying here in miami, getting a full time job and applying for spring. i don't know if i can handle living here even for, god, 5 more months. maybe i just need to go to nyc and get a job while applying for grad school. you know, i just feel like i really need to talk to some graphic design counsoler and just get the fucking straight up facts as to how to get into a grad program.

i have a lot of thinking to do. the good thing from all of this is that my drive to do better and beef up my portfolio is up. way up. i'm really okay to all of you guys out there....i'm just trying to sort out all these gory details.

i need some sleep, it's been a long day.

L		  
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everybody's working for the weekend, mallah mwal ah alllll, jebus   
05:53pm 06/07/2002
 
mood: anxious
music: cocteau twins-assorted mix
went to the bridge down at hobie beach last night. it's real pretty there, it's been since i took my out of town friends there a couple years back. i forgot how pretty the view can be. i drank many rolling rocks and hung out with some cool people and my sisters. i'm just bored in this town and i feel so stagnant. i don't know, i'm trying to figure out the answer. a good friend of mine told me that if you're happy with yourself you can be happy living in any place. i'm trying to figure out if it's really miami or just my mental state. i just want to be in a better program for graphic design and with a job already, be it in miami or somewhere else.

i'm still waiting to hear from parsons. obviously.

what else? hm, i think i'mm going to watch north shore tonight and get some homework done. i feel restless for some reason....it's not good.		  
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a sorely needed roadtrip, what the f#@k and when will i finally hear from that goddamn grad program?   
09:55pm 05/07/2002
 
mood: indescribable
music: ladytron-playgirl
okay, i'mm having some major cabin fever. i've realized that i haven't been anywhere in months other than within a 100 mile radius (have to count ft. laud). so, my friends are on a road trip now and i'm suffering from major jealousy and cabin fever. plus, i'm totally sick of everything and everyone here and need to be refresed by people i haven't seen in awhile. i really wish my cousin tommy lived closer than California/Seattle-i haven't seen him in sooooooo long. anyway, i think it's either gville, tampa or orlando for me next weekend.

i still haven't heard from parsons. i think they've plotted my mental demise with all this waiting.

i got blood drawn today to have a total check up and i'm supposed to go get the results a week from monday. that should be fun. i have two silver dollar bruises where they took the blood on each arm. they, evidentally, couldn't find my veins and stuck me about six times, three on each arm. i was sitting there, they put two turnicates on my arm and sat there slapping my mid arm. five minutes later they're still slapping my arm and i'm slumped up against the wall with my eyes rolling back into my head. ten minutes later i can't feel my arm anymore and i'm sleeping/passed out up against the wall. finally, they got the god damn vein in my left arm to bubble up to take blood from. i left somewhat triumphant since i had been to the office just two days earlier screaming that i couldn't do it, i couldn't have them put the needle in. i was sure to go this time groggy after sleep and not with black coffee rushing through my veins and making me insanely paranoid.

well, that's about it for me right now. i need a beer		  
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this weekend   
02:20pm 28/06/2002
  hey to all my friends. fyi-my parents are out of town for the weekend and the invitation to come down and party with free accomodations stands. lemme know via my aol account.

xxoo
l		  
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legend, the great rubick's caper and the two towers   
12:52am 24/06/2002
 
mood: creative
music: legend soundtrack-tangerine dream
ah, i'm sleepy. i'm getting to that point in the night where it's time for me to retreat into the depths of minas tirith where i will find my friends gollum, samwise and frodo on their way to the depths of mordor to destroy the ring of darkness. oh yes, i'm almost done (FINALLY) with the two towers. it's only taken me 6 months (to be fair, i've spent about a fortnights time actually reading it). so, i'm feeling moderately accomplished.

so, i have an idea for my third attempt at a personal website. the first one was shit. the second, i only half finished but was a great improvement and the third, which i have not started, will be the final deal for awhile hopefully. here's my idea:

i'm currently designing an interactive rubick's cube in illustrator to import it into flash. there i will add music (which has been selected but for purposes of stealing my idea from the public-i'm not disclosing). then, after it does some spotlight movements and rotate around a bunch, it will slow. then, you will be able to select from one of the traditional "four" cube sides-1. illustrations 2. photography 3. projects and 4. the portfolio. so, it's my new idea that i'm toying with. I've made a prototype side, but it's only 2 dimensional. now i have to work on a three dimensional cube and i have to manipulate it in several frames to make the actions. fun fun.

so, that's about it from me. i quit borders so the torture will end soon...so excited. if i get into parson's for fall, i'm going to keep doing the freelance and try to get around gville or do some short vacations. if i have to go in the summer, then i'm' going to have to get ready really quick and get my ass up to nyc. AAAGGGGHHHH, okay, can't think about it. i might not get in at all and i'm making myself insane for no reason. but, the point is, i'm craving some pavement.

alright, i'mm going to bed. tomorrow is all about dreamweaver frames and making a website much like this one.

mwah!
Lpro		  
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limewire magic, livejournal and frames!, and the eternal escape from the obvious-mediocrity   
03:16pm 22/06/2002
 
mood: anxious
music: weezer-mallrats soundtrack
so, it's saturday and i'm doing homework. i'mm about to go visit my sister at work, whoopee! i realize now that this website itself is built with dreamweaver frames or html, which is pretty exciting since this website is one that i have to replicate in some fashion for my mid term. weird. i have to have a 25 page ecommerce website done by the end of the semester, which scares me. i need to sit in my room on this "thing" and figure out dreamweaver

i just talked to summer for our weekly hour conversation. she's just so rad, i wish we lived closer to each other. when i figure out what i'm doing with parsons, i'm going to seriously try to visit her.

anyway, i'm out the door again. still waiting, anxiously, on parsons.		  
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jkf;ajkl;fdjska;fjkdlasjfiowueiruoqpwfjdkl;amnkdlfmvcasdl;   
02:33pm 21/06/2002
  so, i just called parsons and my file was complete to be sent for review. kill me, the stress is going to be the end of me. they said they would notify me in the mail....argh.

i went out with eva, danny, sara and my sister on wednesday night. i ended up seeing alex's alexis there and we went to a friend of her's to sing keryoke. i think i'm putting myself on the wagon for a little bit, i was stupid drunk there singing pj harvey. so embarassed.

anyway, i'll update you on my student status as it comes in. i'm so nervous, i think i'm attributing my "ass" behavior towards that.		  
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carl carlson, pins and needles and "as ben franklin once said house guest are like fish" HS   
02:02am 18/06/2002
 
mood: nervous
music: essential journey
my file is going under review tomorrow at parsons. i'm so nervous. this is a life altering situation. i've come to the conclusion that i might not get in due to the tardiness of my application. but, at this point, i will be dissapointed if i don't get into parsons. if i don't get in, i'mm seriously considering just going to nyc and getting a job while reapplying in the fall. you gotta do what you gotta do to get ahead and i think now that going to grad school is important to my future. i've talked to way too many people from mdcc that say the degree isn't worth it and can't get jobs. too much to risk.

so, hopefully i'll have some good news. i talked to the receptionist woman today and she said she had just been looking and talking to someone about my cridentials (sp?). i don't know if that's good or bad.

on a nice note, i had a good weekend. it was me mostly working but i went out on sat. i met up with and lost eva and danny in the first two hours. i think i'm going to sarasota/tampa this weekend with jason. it would be cool to meett up with justin, but i'm still not sure if i'm going at all. we'll see!		  
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humpday and web site design   
07:03pm 05/06/2002
 
mood: optimistic
music: The Essential Journey 2 cd set....oh yeah baby
i've learned some cool stuff today in my dreamweaver class, which i think will enable me to do some really cool stuff. maybe, even, redesign my website and do some cool tricks. actually, i think i'm going to wait on doing any personal web site construction until i learn how to manipulate flash. the thing is flash, as we know it, is changing and therefore by the time i learn how to use it, what i know right now or will know through flash 5 will be outdated. cursed industry.

i'm really on pins and needles with this whole parson's school thing. i want to be accepted so bad since the possibility of me getting my masters as opposed to a dumb ass a.s. degree is so exciting. Also, the prospect of living in new york city is damn cool, which would be conducive to me making a career there. all around i'm going to be dissapointed if things don't work out. realistically, i should have applied just a little earlier than i did. But, what can i do about that now? I'm just going to have to sit tight and hope for the best and be accepting of the worst.

i'm struggling with the idea of going out tonight. a girl i know, fran, who lives in nyc already and has been admitted to the parson's grad school of design for graphics asked me to hang out with her tonight at the gables pub. i wish eva and danny could go, but i know eva will be done with work in a week and can hang out afterwards. i really don't have anything to do tomorrow until 6:30pm so i don't really have a reason to go to bed early. but, at the same time, the idea of hanging out ALONE for the first ime in a month sounds really appealing as well. i dunno, i might go out for a little bit.

anyway, i'm going to check out what's new on ebay.		  
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life is good, the big apple and the perils of continuing education   
01:11am 29/05/2002
 
mood: productive
music: bjork-vespertine
I've been working really hard on transfering to a graduate program for design. So far, I've been looking into Parsons and SVA in NYC. I'm also considering applying to SCAD in Savannah and perhaps RIDS. Anyway, I'm very excited about it and pretty much on cloud nine. My parents are fully supporting this idea circa my mom seeing some episode of Martha Stewart (arch nemisis). You see, this particular episode my mom saw had her creative staff showing their portfolios and their work. Martha also told her viewing audience that she only hires students from RIDS (Rhode Island Design School). I came home that day from school and my mom was immediately telling me about what she saw on the show and how she thought I should go to a fancy pants private college. So, here I am, applying to schools and looking for loans. I couldn't be happier doing it.

I went to Eva's for memorial day. Turns out I caught up with some very nice people who took us in when we first got to England, Michael and Sylvia. It was a great day indeed.

I'm tired, more when I'm more "awake"

L		  
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allergies, maladroit and our struggling economy   
11:17am 20/05/2002
 
mood: optimistic
music: weezer-maladroit
i'm having such an allergy attack today. it's killin' me.

it's discouraging to hear that the computer industry is doing poorly. from what i hear from summer, thing for graphic designers are picking up, she just got a full time job with a newspaper.

i, however, am looking to transfer to a better school. my mom saw some show on graphic design and is now convinced to transfer me to another school. this morning, i'm working on getting together the schools i'm interested in contacting to see if i've missed deadlines (which i'm more assured i have) and to find out what info i need to send them.

ah, the glorifications of transfering to another school, can't wait.

i just love what i'm studying now and i can't wait to further it at a good school. sounds like paradise to me. i'mm looking at new york, boston, chicago and SCAD (the savannah college of art and design). we'll see what happens.		  
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you're never safe   
10:17pm 19/05/2002
 
mood: worried
music: the random apocolyptic thoughts in my head
so, i'm thinking about moving to nyc and there's this terrorist warning. that scares me. it scares me truly. what could they do? hmmmm? i'm thinking that they can bomb the eåstern seaboard with the help of heussein (sp?). i dunno, it's all very discouraging. i want to go on about my life, but you can't tell me that there isn't a huge risk to nyc and dc for a possible terrorist attack. keeps me up at night

i just worked a very busy and long shift at borders and i'm all conched out. this terrorism thing is really worrying me.

night		  
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chicki cha   
01:19am 19/05/2002
 
mood: contemplative
music: weezer-maladroit
goodentåug

this weekend was fair. went out to revolver, drank, etc. really nothing monumental to report here. i'm thinking about moving to either nyc or ? to get a ba in graphic design as opposed to my earlier plan of just getting the aa degree from miami dade. surprisingly, my parents are supportive of this. i feel so old to be doing this, and so guilty. i'm afraid to take out student loans, but going to nyc would be too expensive and i know i would have to.

anyway, i've been working on my website for several straight hours. i'll write more when i feel like chatting. hasta		  
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song title, album title, artist   
08:47pm 15/05/2002
 
mood: awake
music: van morrison-moondance
you know what's really cool? the band bad company. i was trying to think of a famous song title that was not only the title of the album as well, but ALSO the name of the artist. and, the only one to pass this test, was bad company. that's quite the feat. really, very cool.

nothing really new going on with me other than i'm dying to get out of south fla and up to nyc already. i'm dying to get the f outta here...god. it's the parents, the town, my sisters, my "friends", etc. i'm just tired of it all and i feel the stagnation hotter on my ass than usual. i'm going to see my advisor and see how long it's really gonna take me to get out of here.

i'm taking web design but can't read html. how sad is this?		  
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bobananafannafofana   
08:26am 08/05/2002
 
mood: horny
music: stereolab-emporer tomato ketchup
my summer so far is ...... yawn

um. because it's so bring. i don't really have anything to say say say say say

i wanna put pics on this thing and i don't know how.

i'm going out with my sisters tonight and i'm going to try and have some fun

i may or may not have something interesting to say here soon enough. i'll be talking to ya

top of the afternoon...evening...or morning for ya.		  
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the gamut of a flake, "and many more" and the end of an era that determined the course of my life...   
11:20am 05/05/2002
 
mood: dorky
music: Pet Shop Boys-Release
So, it's a rumor that the simpson's are coming to an end. Fuck all those people for scaring me and a very sarcastic "I told you so". if you still believe the Simpson's is going to come to an end, do a quick search on the net and read matt groenings own words of declination. Is that a word?

It was my birthday the other night. I went out to celebrate it and, again, Serena was a no show. This is the second time she's missed out on my birthday celebration, not one with the family but the one I spend with my friends, which is what she is, my friend. Not my family. So, she didn't come down with Eva and Danny and thought that a phone call, that Eva initiated, was satisfactory. Did I also mention that she never called me on my actual birthday day to say hi? And that I had to call her house and she wasn't there and never called me back? It's almost unbelievable. I don't think she can climb out of the gutter she's stuck in in my mind.
I'm dead serious.

On a pleasant note, I met a group of really rad guys on my birthday. Too bad they live in fucking Brooklyn, in Williamsburg no less. One of them, the one I talked to the most Friday night, gave me his card and wanted me to email him. I kinda wanna hook my friend Ali up with them, but it would probably be too weird since I was the one to meet them. They're all in some band together from NYC and played Churchill's down here. I dunno, I dont' remember their band's name either, people bought me beers and drinks all night long. I kinda am embarassed that I talked to that guy Patrick for so long at the end of the night cause I was pretty messy. Oh well, it was fun none the less.

I love you guys who called me, Aaron and Jason, to say happy birthday. You guys rule. I still need to find out if I'm going to be in Gville this weekend. Danny said he would have an answer soon, probably tomorrow. I wish I were done with school and in NYC, it would rock.

I took this picture of myself with my new digital camera (I'm so excited about it and I'm such a dork). I really want to put it on the journal, I look just like Julia. Frightening. But, again, I'm having problems. Argh.

Night.		  
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wanting to become a unibomber, I HATE THE INTERNET and the commonalities of nightmares   
09:27pm 23/04/2002
 
mood: aggravated
music: sooooothing Stereolab
I hate school

I hate it so much right now that I wouldn't mind turning my back to it all and saying "fuck it". It's making me crazy and it's mostly due to WEB design (aka-web mastering). Fucking asshole AS degree. I have to have a full functioning website up by Saturday morning. Kill me, kill me now. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this, I mean, it's so much fucking work. I wish it were all done for me right now, but everytime I get on the stupid program, I fuck things up. It's amazing, i really dont' think I'm going to be able to get this stupid thing done.

I also had a scarring dream. I dreamt it was in the 1800's and I was intervening on a bar fight involving guns. I was a woman, wearing nothing but my undgergarments (which was virtually a dress back then). When I looked up from one opponent to the other, the man opposite me shot me in the head. In my dream (which was more real than any other I've had in a long time), when the bullet struck my head, I felt it. I felt falling to the ground limp and felt my whole head swell. At the point where i felt I was actually about to die from either the swelling or just cause I was shot in the head, I woke up and immediately sat up in my bed, panting. It was the scariest thing I've been through in a long time, I actually felt what maybe my unconscious thinks being shot in the head is like. It was very physical for me, so scary. I'm scared to go to sleep tonight		  
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