| i.can.feel.so.damn.ugly.sometimes. |
[02 Feb 2005|01:11am] |
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mood |
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::pooped:: |
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music |
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bob marley in my head |
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when i am alone
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| I have a red nose cus i wanna be like Rudolf |
[21 Dec 2004|11:25pm] |
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music |
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Proclaimers [ Its over and done with ] |
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My aunt informed me that I used to throw fits when I was younger, apperantly cus i didnt particularly like to wear dresses... that and i remember i used to not understand as to why my brother had people give him toy cars and i wasnt sure why my turn had been skipped. barbie were never my thing. i dont have any memories of me playing with them by myself, i saw no fun in them. woa... its weird to not fit in the role i was "suppose" to be playin as a kid.
i hate being streotyped because i have a vagina
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[10 Mar 2004|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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This has become Friends Exclusive Only. Comment to be added on the most updated version of this journal. Thank you and I'm sure we will have a grand time !
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| P H O T A G R A P H Y |
[23 Aug 2003|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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music |
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Tatu [ Not Gonna Get Us ] |
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is sweet. i am happy... i realized as long as i am controling whats going on in my life. and aware of what it is that makes me happy, I am in the right direction ;)
My Happiness =
1. People around me
2. Art [dancin, cameras, pictures, colors, singing, drums, etc]
3. $ (i realized in someway this does play a role in aidin life somehow. food. presents to those u like. or thank. etc. this includes even giving urself a lil some'in)
4. Helpin others in there time of need or when you see they need a hand
5. Expandin my mind [nature, traveling, spiritual, writing, conversations ]
........................................................................................
there is no particular order to this. it simply states what i have figured out that makes me happy.
There exists of a list of things i want to accomplish in life within myself first, then where i want to go in the near future and beyond & with who and how. ahhh feels good inside. although i know it wont all be that easy. I know the road I have put myself into will lead me to this.
What else do i have to strive for after I'm there? basically maintain that.... life is a bitch. thats normal. your ass just got to go around what interferes. realize shit happens to everyone. ur NOT the only one. What you should do when shit gets in the way and piles up... S-M-I-L-E at whatever is in the way and dont let anything faze you. get to where you need to be and its usually best to not be dependent on any one thing. By doing this you will let other things guide and take control of what you should be more in control of. but knowin no one is perfect and i know i have faults and let myself get dependent at times and vulnerable. its normal. Its just not always helpful, just be careful of who and why. Let urself go to the limits but know where you are headed, do go in blindly
:PICTURE: urself where you want to be and get urself there. Really. Nothing is impossible. YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT IF YOU REALLY WANT IT.
TV-MEDIA-CRITICAL PEOPLE
might persuade you to think otherwise.
fuck em. fuck what you want. get what you want. where you want it and how. why listen and base ur opinions on what other people want you to think?
You might be suprised at how much control of life you really have. You have a lot to blame of where your at, dont focus on the past. Stick to where you are now and focus from there and where you want to be. You dont have control of the past, you only have of today and tomorrow.
~* M A K E W H A T Y O U W A N T O F I T *~
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| go away |
[18 Aug 2003|11:22am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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i dont wanna talk to you
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| ~*good times*~ |
[08 Aug 2003|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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music |
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311 [amber] |
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PILL POPPIN
[green glow]
W R I T I N G
an experience of which seemed like a deam not belongin to me
pool splashes
funny attempt of a bbq ;)
PictUrES
[friends' laughter]
piZZa
HIM
*smiles*
IN N OUT MEALS
closin my eyes in his blue sheets...
sublime kareoke @ work when im not really doing what should be. so what. FIRE ME
writing with a box type device at night which include fun buttons for meeeeeeeee to press !
[cereal] YUM
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| ASS |
[31 Jul 2003|02:05am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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[weird bathroom/toilet noises] |
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for being the few who is not so familiar with flirting with others; i get an aweful lot to deal with at a restaurant
I (out of all things) have been gettin more comments on my behind as oppose to any other body part. (as to which i can recall) they bring it up as though i needed reassurance. they bring it up as though i asked. they bring it up as though its a good thing? is it? is that safer to comment on an ass and know that im reassured to know they look at my ass everytime i walk by em ????????
ha
im an ass girl. i have a nice ass. woo wee
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| old yosemite stuff |
[16 Jul 2003|02:08am] |
[breathtakin trees]
[alyssa's back on boat]
[me, og-hik style]
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| Sexual Harassment |
[16 Jul 2003|01:46am] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
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music |
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[nothing yo |
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Today had unexpected shitty moments, from $ thrown at me for the shirt i was wearin/beggin for my # sayin they aint jealous if in with someone. fuckin degradin
fuck em
really i cant recall feelin so horrible inside before. its aweful, i cant stand it! hence why i go out of my way so much to stay far away from that attention as much as i can. i go out of my way to not be the girl everyone wants to "get with" and dress/act like that image and throw out to people. i rather be looked upon different and not be bothered with honestly. I only want attention from the people i chose to get it from ;)
oh yah, in the middle of my shift i get a killer migrane to make my shift more grand. Its the kind with the lovely feeling you wanna puke no matter where you are. ~*yay, fun times*~
Someone later pointed out a good fact that i hadnt aten all day... which would make any normal person in the best shape/health, im sure. Loud music and the crazy heat wasnt exactly a good bonus i had planned out for the night either
but yay E & C came to pick me up with capes and everything to save the night.(well maybe i added in the cape thing, but that was just wishfull thinking) Im glad they did get there, cus i wasnt sure if i was going to be able to drive well on fwy or not, being sensitive to light and seein the world spin so fast eyes closed & open... i might as well have been drunk
now here i am on to better things.
i came back from mex this weekend, woohoo. always nice to get far away from work. although there is something i can think of that wouldve made my trip a tad bit better. *grins*
i fall for thatmotherfucker more and more each day
its weird. its cute. hes cute. awwwwwww. i need him close. its like i havent seen him for a while. it seems like i cant get enough... not yet at least
mMmmm yuM. i want u. im glad in a twisted way, somehow i am here and i have you; and i am here with my heart filled, in great awe, and consant smile that i seem to be acostumed to. i<3 you marshmellow guy
muah.
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[10 Jul 2003|12:05pm] |
there so much going on
from my wants to my past to my thoughts to my present. future
it seems like its all commin to an end or one big change in my life.
i wonder where all this is going and it feels good inside
i want to leave everything and start fresh
start a new beginnin for me and plan everything nicely
i am livin in a world i dont particularly like and want to grow from it. i know what i want. where i want to live and how i want to live it
i talk. but i dont think u understand
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| cold + nose piercin = weeeeeird |
[07 Jul 2003|10:13am] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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music |
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[nada] |
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going to venice beach didnt help much either. although it was cool as hell (as always)
got to take a whole 3 pix, battery died real quick & smart C forgot to bring his from the car.
welp
good to see old faces. from jaymez to val to angelica to gambyt to chris to debbo & judy
its nice to contribute to all the funness. Got to dance and drum till my hands turned red...
TODAY
i dont work. i am sick and plan to be sick all day. im gonna go force myself to go rest. god i hate sleepin when i really dont have to
have a nice day
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| Yosemite |
[04 Jul 2003|01:20am] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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[ La Ley] Mentira |
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quick run down
i went rafting, fun as hell and the view of it all was breathtakin. i love alyssa and her fam for it. thnx
it was one of the best places i have ever been to. im still amazed by it all
we stopped at the fourth bridge to jump off into the river, ahhh nice adreneline rushes *grins*
i almost didnt make it through it all, i got sick on mon and that was horrible. im oh so thankful it went away hours after. everyone saw me so miserable and thought i might have been the food. ah no one knows i got absolutley no food cus of a certain someone that shall remain nameless but has the same piercings as me, ehehe. kept me up talkin till 530, only to wake up at 6. good job pam; ur the best
welp
thats all. i got cool shit. some shades- shirt- something for my mother (alyays end up doing that)
bLAH
dads bday tomorrow, didnt get him anything. f u c k
figure it out then, till now i go to bed and this is the best i could do of an update thanx
good night
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| my mind is ready to blow |
[04 Jul 2003|01:05am] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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[linkin park] one step closer |
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ive been gettin more hours @ work. i hate that, i didnt ask for any more. i was cool with what i had. but yeah, cant complain that i have a job to begin with eh
-anyway-
I miss a lot of things.... i miss my friends and going online. hangin out more. havin free time. fuck work. fuck life and its obstacles.
i loose time to talk and hang out with friends and the little to no time i want to spend it with that fucker i think im going out with. i need more time throughout all this, is that too much to ask for?
READ ME; MSGS I NEED TO GET ACROSS TO YOU
TWIXX- my bad really. i had work im dyin and i didnt end up going to the northridge area today. really you dont even know how bad i feel. shits so hecktic i dont even realize i over book myself sometimes. i think im superhuman.
SPIDER :)
I called u up again and ur ass doesnt want to talk to me apperantly. i miss ur ass and want to know how ur doing. call me up already and thats final.
NICKY
i cant call yo ass. i dont want anyone else to pick up. i miss you, really i do. pls call me; i need to talk to you. thnx
HI BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUAN
hey my bro got the cds, cool eh? lemme know what youve been up to and yeah i know i have more than a handfull of pix i havent given to you yet. i forgot which ones iv given to u so far. rawr. come n visit again
JAYMEZ
duuuuuuuuuuude im lettin you know when i have off to jam. FOR REALS
SHARON
i called u and i got ur email. things are cool, hows the car and everything. i wanna talk
*COSMO*
where did u dissapear to. i called u were not there.
i work tomorrow annnnnnd i get off afternoonish. come by; come to think of it, just come over right now... im going to bed soon and i need company
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| heeeey Fuck You lady customer you |
[28 Jun 2003|06:53pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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[funky music from parents rooom] |
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you need to get laid
i had a weird work day today and plan to go away soon to musicland to take all this bad energy far far away.im glad i get to have ur soft kisses and face rubbed up against my face, along w/ ur warm breathin on the back of my neck. ahhh the little things you do can make me feel so good inside
tomorrow i go to yosemitie. 6 o'clock am! hooray
Oh yeah and i got to drive my bfs Mustang the other night and you didnt, na na nur nur nur *smirks* (let me enjoy the little things in life)
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| jammed packed work madness |
[26 Jun 2003|10:24am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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[none] |
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last night was sick. i get along with all the guys there and might i add there is a handfull of funny/ dope good lookin peeps. (girls included) there was a lady who couldnt stop talkin about me and this guy leo over how good a way we treated her, over to my GM. -fun times!
then ians band went up and was funny as hell being a cover band for beastie boys; cute. then after this we all head out to the bar where i loose to one of the most funnest games ive played in a while of foosball. ashley bought me a nice cosmopolitan. yum then all get roses from the bartender, yay! they were beautiful.::smells::
then later got informed jack stephanavich is from argentina, hes cool too. hooray south american people united!
nathan is always dope as hell. he looks funny in his license without the big fro.
this other guy with the hat i think is bi. he was gay till he hit on me and ashley, so now hes bi or im completly off with this whole radar gayness thing. do i think everyone there is?
then theres this guy christian who i had just met and needed to know who i was cus i was the chick with the cool style and the rad clothes. needless to say that complely made my night. theres only so much u can get away with their dress code.
then thats that. i came home half asleep and needed to do the whole-eye wakin-up every couple seconds along with the singing to the radio songs to keep my ass up, which eventually succeeded. here i am with some more sleep than last night and ready to get some food in my stomach!
Glad i can have all these kickass moments with the people that i work with, this feels that i will stay there for long times..... yay me. i go away in a couple days and i hope all this goes through. will post pix n such when the time comes. for now pam finishes her entry.
ta ta
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| ew slept in my work clothes |
[23 Jun 2003|12:40am] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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beatles [ima believer] |
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fri- went to a crazy mountain party. [nice] long trip to get out there but was completly worth it... sky was more white then dark; had so many visible stars. my jaw dropped as i got out the car. Got to hang out with work buddies and that was fun as hell; I get along well with Gambyt. But sadly I didnt eat much and pretty much downed a bottle of coconut rum with cosmo within the hour we arrived. had nice drunk dancin, then some fun peein adventures. Still wonderin how the fuck I got home that night. I as all cracked out next mornin...
sat- nickys thing. was cool to see old faces and get to hang out once again. fun times. no drinkin for pam. lil limbo i was able to conquer and many many a pictures i will need to get a hold of. then shit ended early for things i do not wish to mention; and ran over to the park >> my pad
sun mornin-
alyssa slept over and had to leave her here to go to work. fuck; that was hard. ony runnin on 4 hours of sleep for an 8 hour shift. lotsa goodness
anyway took a nap and now here i am......
mon is this boy's bday and this fuckin bastard is now 21. at least i have the alc hook ups everywhere i go. hmm this will be awefully interestin. might post later
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| locked lips |
[18 Jun 2003|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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| -classic- |
[16 Jun 2003|02:41pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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[La Ley] |
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SiLVER 14X [2:31 PM]: FUCK YOU
SmarterChild [2:31 PM]: That is not... acceptable vocabulary.
SiLVER 14X [2:31 PM]: then what is fucker?
SmarterChild [2:31 PM]: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information
Fucker:
Noun
Vulgar Slang 1. A despised person. 2. One that engages in sexual intercourse.
Next time, just type "define fucker."
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| work work work |
[14 Jun 2003|11:43am] |
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [i think im dead]
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| Im loosin the battle within my surroundings |
[12 Jun 2003|11:36am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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[nothing] -alone time- |
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Here I am getting to where I want to be and people here shoot me down; and I wont let them.
I need to escape. I want to do more with my life then be in this box they are makin me live my life.
Help
Im running out of ideas
He affects me so much and I hate that he has that part of me. I need to stop that and he needs to cut his bullshit too; although i realize unfortunetly it never will. I will do better without him. Sadly I know deep in my heart he is not good for me to be around. And for a second I thought I was getting along better with him... I actually was trying, but you make things so impossible.
You think by putting me down you will get more out of me and closer to "the family"? So sad you think this...
You love to put down my ideas/ compare me to other people/ and mention my age and make it as though i have accomplished nothing. You do realize you dont know your own daughter, so where are you comming in trying to judge the person I am when your far from even knowing who I am.
Thanx for trying.
But really i would rather you be out of my life so I can continue with where im going
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