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[23 Jan 2003|12:11am] |
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silence |
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hearts and thoughts they fade away
Today I just want to return to who I was two years ago and try and talk to that person and shake them into something grater which is why I am writing in the old journal which is why I am typing here and not saying really anything I want to say because I would rather say it to people that I can't seem to talk to....
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| Umm well umm welll |
[05 Aug 2002|06:52pm] |
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Van Halen - Why Can't this be Love? |
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3 things 1) if you want something just go for it......
2) Life is not something that happens to you it is and should be something that you inflict on it
and 3rd just cause vito posted it and I am taking a small break from various things and it is just wrong......
What's *Your* Sex Sign?
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| Wild, Wonderful, white-trash, WEST VIRGINA |
[30 Jul 2002|10:50am] |
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groggy |
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music |
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Travis - Flowers In The Window |
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`What other state except for maybe california would have Juve, right across the Street from the high school and middle school, Ahhh Martinsburg WV how very thoughtful of you for those young hooligans......
During a conversation it was somehow brought up that maybe Whinnie the Pooh was racist ( a topic, racial relations, that Seems to rear its head quite often when in the State of wonderous natural beauty and wonderous Human deformity) and thus somehow the term nigglet was introduced into my vocabulary, really you don't want to know.....
Then there was the fullet, yes the fullet, it was found to be everywhere including in the Beer Closet of Sheetz, ( 6 bottles of Rolling Rock 2.19).
in all seriousness People need to find places for those extra cars that litter their front yards, ...
a 2 ridge hike at 530 in the morning is always fun ....
I will never be able to explain how happy sitting on a rock on the ridge of a mountain as the wind rushes around makes me....no matter how steep the climb
Sorry to ben for being an ass this morning but dude seriously you sleep very loudly....
anyway what else to say alot of laughs alot of fun and alot of missed sleep...
It is off to do random thing s kinda like a japanese game show.
and when tomorrow comes we can do it all again.....
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| here here Harry Kalas...swing and a long drive |
[29 Jul 2002|12:24am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Back where I come From - Kenny Chesney |
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This post is from missing Jen, my love of baseball, and the amazing pride I have in PA ( even that filthydelphia part).....
in the town I was raised the clock ticks and the cattle graze time passed with amazing grace, back where I come from.....We learned in sunday school who made the sunshine through, and I know who made the moonshine too......Some say its a backward place narrow minds on a narrow way.....
Thank God the miners are home...
Tears of a lame duck Govenor.... (can't question them as being a political ploy)...
anyway I had this long entry typed and I realized it did nothing but babble political drivel about how jaded Philly politicians have made me and how much being home has bored me...it did not show anything of what I was feeling it just was a long off target pointless rant.
and so they say the some of the greatest things you say are the ones you don't say
so here is my silent conversation with my future son or daughter about the game I love when I drag them to Cooperstown, and my silent stare into the eyes I long to see....
Here is to the FUTURE and here is to the past, Here is to happiness and here is to peace, above all peace, peace within, peace over yourself....
what a day indeed
I miss her elephants
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| Password |
[23 Jul 2002|10:19am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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sunny weather - LIT |
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Well someone broke my password for live journal.... oh well if you see any non me esque posts I'll change it but till then Oh well I haven't been yelled at yet so It can't be any of my friends.....
:-P
anyway sitting here listening to Lit's atomic and just wanting to be in boston working right now...
Oh well
Happy in the mean time Seems to be the song of choice right now as it is the third time it is playing.....
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| Today |
[22 Jul 2002|03:20pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
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a plain morning- Dashboard confessional |
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"Incomprehensible gaiety and dread, Attended what we did. Behind, before lay all the lovely postures of the dead; the spirt and the flesh cried out for more. We.... together on a darkening day took arms against our own obscurity" - Roethre 'Four for Sir John Davies'
I sit here having just watched the musketeer with my mom who loved it, which scared me I guess, anyway I am just wasting more time that I do not have by writing in this journal so I will stop just reading and came across this quote was throwing it out for discussion I guess
laters
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| Shippensburg University and the Oprah book club...... |
[18 Jul 2002|12:51pm] |
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mood |
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pessimistic |
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music |
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Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions |
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In my present state of pure bordem and pain.... Anyway, so I go out to get the mail and what do I find, all incoming students to shippensburg have to read a book from a list off the Oprah book club to be discussed on the first day of classes.... begin rolling on the floor laughing for me as I can't laugh right now the book chosen for me and some of my fellow students "the Reader," by Bernhard Schlink..... Thank you for that vicarious moment... anyway haven't talked to jen in awhile hoping she is ok.... and this is basically a post born out of bordem and my desire to regain normal body function.... anyway Going to do something Normal I guess...
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Yeah, you know it. Yeah, you know it all, don't ya? But alas, usually being eager to learn takes it's toll on your social life. But you don't really care, cuz you know in 15 years you're gonna own their asses. MWUHAHAHA, that's right, after writing your thesis, you plan on global domination. Probably not, but we all know you're perfectly capable of it.
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Now I think that normally I give off the exact opposite vibe and that I am an idiot but then again maybe that is after you get to know me....
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| da da da |
[10 Jul 2002|08:34am] |
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horny |
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music |
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R.E.M. - Try Not To Breathe |
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will be in boston for my 21st birthday on July 13th all who read this are invited to buy me a beer :o) and join me on a tour of all those damn pubs I have yet to enjoy.... starting at 9 at Crossroads... anyway soccer last night was interesting as we played and almost beat a team of guys who play for messiah college, I played eh, I got beat like a rented mule 4 or 5 times but never did anyone score off it.... and my passing has returned put a few very nice passes on target....any way it be that time again, off into the daily grind...
and thank you billboard....
talk to ya'll later, and it happened yesterday I said a word with the PA accent and I was mortified....
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| Waiting for a class... |
[09 Jul 2002|06:25am] |
I am sick, and I have no idea what is wrong with me.... I have been to the doctors for a physical which was a joke really a joke, I really want a real physical a real Idea of why I am getting headaches and feel run down why I had to withdrawl from a summer class which I had a 98 average in because of absences :-/ Grrr..... I really wish I was back at the pediatricians office cause well they were just good doctors, and these people at three springs just annoy me, I like Dell and well davis is tolerable if a bit odd in his old age, but you have to wait eons to get an appointment with either, and that does not help me now :o(...... So here I sit contemplating going to the ER cause when right now my stomache feels as though it wants to explode.... WTF indeed
On to better news Eric sunday... :o) just :o)... Congrats good sir congrats now kick ass and take names
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| Katie's Rant |
[04 Jul 2002|07:56pm] |
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For the record, this is Katie, not Jon talking now, and if it helps, my train of thought is running Denis Leary style. To the assholes downstairs, Shut the FUCK UP!!! No more bad foreign karaoke! And by the way, if you want to watch the fireworks from someone else's deck, ASK THEM FIRST. Grrr, these people make me very angry. For the lollipop girl, with the ridiculously thin body under a big head with a fro, good riddance, so sorry you're too cool to stand on MY deck and watch the fireworks. For the shmuck who doesnt understand personal space, it's AMERICA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY! Speak ENGLISH asshole! And get away from me, there's 97 square feet of MY deck that you were not invited onto that you could be standing on, get away from me! For the rest of them, way to be rude! And I should be in bed now, since I have to be at work at 9 tomorrow morning, but NNOO, I can't go to sleep because the bastards downstairs are blaring their rotten foreign karaoke! Bitches, all of them, I should have tossed them over the railing when I had the chance!
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| Freedom to be an idiot |
[04 Jul 2002|07:25pm] |
Respect for your fellow man yeah you know having a good time living it up yet not at the same time detracting from the enjoyment of others.... sitting in East Boston which is as un WASp as you can get I spent this fourth of July, and its Motto will hence forth be known as Freedom to be an idiot.... I abhor Xenephobia and I detest with a passion racisim and when it spurts forth from the mouths of those I know in PA I let my displeasure show, Jim my "godfather" and he who has been cutting my hair since I was 2 and also is a pillar in my church has often drawn my ire and a sharp remark for comments he has made towards Arab peoples, african americans and others ... well tonight for the first time in my life I felt a gut feeling of dislike towards another group of people because of their differing manner in celebrating the 4th ( I can barely hear myself think over some Shity mexican techno right now) all I can say is that I am very much so Questioning what it means to be an american again... if it means getting drunk off your ass and acting like an idiot on a day set aside to celbrate the founding ideals and priciples of this nation I really am not impressed , Thousands of those who came before did not die so that we could drunkenly grope the women beside us while standing on another person's deck which was rushed onto with out asking.....Did they? I am all for to each his own and if you want to be a drunken idiot by all means do so HOWEVER YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO INCONVIENCE OTHERS WHO WISH TO CELEBRATE THIS HOLIDAY IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER....
Playing your god damn music so loud that a tv on it's highest volume 20 feet closer to me than your system, and less than 4 feet from me can not be heard over you music is by no means respectful... what is to follow is a post by Katie and Robin describing their feelings.....
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| Good thoughts and warm cookies :) |
[01 Jul 2002|06:47pm] |
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fly away from here- dropline |
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Sun comes up and goes away.... She turns to me like we're alone... says the words that no one else can hear... said I paid attention to myself I found that I was someone else, once a child and now I've grown within, so I am packing all these golden years and I let them go without a tear.... I believe that everyone can fly away from here... Celebration through the night.... I guess this pack of wolves will pass as friends.... hope and oppertunity coming up to me, I'd better grab that and hope it never ends.... she says, I, I BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE CAN FLY AWAY FROM HERE :o)
Dropline - Fly Away From Here
this moment of missing my girlfriend while doing schoolwork brought to you by the song Fly Away From Here...coupled with this being the 139 anniversary of the battle of Gettysburg and my quick visit to the field this morning ..... can you imagine the sacrifice those men made charging a cannon knowing you are going to at the very least lose a hand or foot..... It is prehaps the greatest metaphor for life, Death that is. live like how you want to die, Fighting :o)
definatly a good day
oh and to my school as a means to an end post I did not mean to disparage the whole school experience or the change of atmosphere that going away to college provides. Maybe I should expound on what I was saying....In My collection of Thoreau I have a bookmark from the University of Vermont it rests in the section of Civil disobedience where Thoreau discusses the respect for the law( future lawyer keeps it there :o), and what this bookmark states is " Education is not preperation for life, but it is life itself" - John Dewey . If Dewey means that we should never stop learning an assertion that I wholeheartly support that is fine if however you read his comment as one would read thoreau, I would have to disagree What is your life if you have done nothing but learn, you have not produced anything From which others can learn or derive pleasure, never stop learning but pardon my economics basis why not learn from yourself and your own mistakes in what you produce. Lessons taught to yourself by your own mistakes are far more profound than any that a professor can teach you on a board, and in that lies my frustration that at this moment at this point in my life I want to produce I want to learn from my mistakes and not in the confines of a classroom...
It is not that I do not see the point in College and in School I most whole heartedly see the point ( making more money and paying for people to pontificate thier own points of view, wait did I say that) The point being to raise your thinking to a new a new and differing level, the point being to make you more aware of your fellow human being and continue the process of socialization into adulthood, to make you question everything in hopes that you find a better understanding of yourself in this world and this world itself. Just when do I start actually doing something that is what frustraites me!
Oh well another year all the anger and eloquence bleeds into fear....
Still a damn good day less than 3 days till I am in boston and less than 2 weeks till I see The beautiful girl in the picture on my desk.....
Oh and I would really like to maybe start using this journal to post a quote or something and Seeing what you my friends take it to mean or how you think it applies to you, from 400 miles away I think it would be kinda cool to have an idealistic conversation of sorts definatly continue the sharing of POV.....just cause I returned to po dunk and some have moved on to the greener pastures of jobs ... anyway your thoughts
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| The means to an end that just will not end |
[25 Jun 2002|01:26pm] |
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Counting Crows - Mr. Jones |
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The title of this Post is a deication to what school has become and If I really want my goals, which I do there will be even more time spent in class, ( law school) I swear schooling has become a survival tool of the least bored those still not sure what they want... thank you seasame street for killing my attention span I know what I want out of life and I want it now damn it. Life is short and it is a damn shame that we spend 1/4 of it in school, this is by no means an assertion that I don't have anything to learn, I have more to learn than hopefully I have learned but to me unless we go out into the world and we learn from ourselves there is no point. As bu taught me why learn anything when you can just pay someone to do it :-P... In all seriousness this post is just pure frustration. Frustraition with in the context of myself and my life... anyway really have to get working on things... way too much work to do :-/..... happy medium reached and breached :-P.....
may the road rise to meet you, may the good Lord bless and keep you , and above all may you never be stuck on an international flight sitting with bratty children behind you and that fat smelly guy next to you :-)
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| Weekends like that happen once in a blue moon |
[23 Jun 2002|11:39pm] |
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Billie Myers - Kiss the Rain |
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Anyway since I am sure you all want the details of my camping weekend with the lovely and talented Jenifer Anderson, aka the cutest damn girl in the world and just wow..... Rioght so anyway :-) I had a great time in the woods of western MA......
but now to the nity grity or the purpose for which I am now writing, to wish Eric all the best in VA in 2 weeks since it seems less likely I willbe seeing him before he goes....And that I am now off to sleep sick as a dog class in the AM....
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| The computer I built is now up and running :)..... time to hook it up to my labtop :) |
[17 Jun 2002|06:22pm] |
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Bad English -- When I See You Smile |
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so much is happening and has happened since I last updated that I really don't know where to start so as usual that means I will not start.. :-P.... so this post is just to say that I am well and all is well and :o) is about it...... will be up in boston for the 4th to see you all, and will be in boston this weekend to see Jen so if an emergency arises and I stress emergency i'll be there :) talk to ya'll soon
"On behalf of American soccer fans everywhere, I'd like to thank the South Koreans for their 1-0 win. It's the least they could do for us keeping them out from under the communist bootheel 50 years ago." mark coen
and I begin playing competitive soccer again this tuesday :o)
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| Doh |
[10 Jun 2002|03:45pm] |
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The White Stripes - You're Pretty Good Looking |
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So I can't graduate with my class I will have to do one more semester.... this news has killed my day but alas oh well, it is off to hike one of the hardest climbs in Central PA in 90 degree heat... btw first day of classes went well... Oh well There goes my fun summer :-).... anyway off to flat rock with camera in hand...then home to do about an hour or so of work and then back to painting the basement... anyway I have two extra phillies vs O's tickets this friday night so give me a heads up then
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| don't have one. But eh :), wait I'll quote cooch..."Equality between the sexes my ass. Being a girl sucks, even if you can confuse Bill just for the hell of it. The only time it'll take 45 minutes for me to prep for an event is when I'm getting embalmed." |
[07 Jun 2002|01:52pm] |
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Can't explain it |
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Three Doors Down - Be Like That |
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For the last two months My head has been in the clouds partially because of jen and partially because of me getting off my ass and starting to take charge of my life...anyway today while working in the basement it occured to me that the single most important quality in a person is the ability to make the best of any situation, no not to just survive or tolerate the situation you are in but to litterally take that which life has given you and make yourself and others happy. I can't explain it, well I can but it is just not really anywhere near the meaning I would hope. Sometimes when you talk to people they start a chain reaction knocking a domino or sending in a lose nuetron, but the end result is there is this bang, not an ephiny so to speak but definatly a new level of thought a new interpertation, I donno just wanted to take a break from the drylock and type some transidentalist bull shit :o)......haha I remember when I wrote in 9th grade that Emerson and Threau were hypocrtical in their statement of self determination, and being a non follower because they themselves were attracting a following.
anyway back to work I guess I am just electric right now to borrow a phrase...
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| I just turned to walk away... one way or another I'm not coming undone |
[04 Jun 2002|11:55am] |
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Tears for Fears - Shout |
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jen was reading back though my journal which got me thinking what the heck have I got posted back there? as I read over what I had posted I realized that I usually ran to this thing after an event or an occurence and without thinking though my emotions as I had always done and now do; I just wrote them down. There was no real thought process or anything of that nature and I am litterally doing that same thing with this post. I am expressing my unabashed feelings towards these posts, I re read every post I had ever made today both public and private and the more I read the more I realized just how miserable a person I have been over the last 3 years, there have been moments of joy but far fewer than I would have hoped and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I stuck with a bad relationship stubbornly trying to make it work and in doing so often ignored my friends who are to me the basis of most of my fond memories. elmer losing his first game of NHL 2001 not because I beat him but the way he acted the way I acted to this day just makes me wanna laugh, leap frog on a beach with robin and Rob. I had left myself be defined by others and not defined myself. I donno i think that maybe just maybe reading those posts made me regret some of the descions I have made, ummm no, not regret wrong choice of words, look at in a differing light that is not exactly favorable. I donno the whole issue of girls and emotions is one that one day I will hopefully understand, all I know is that in this moment as Counting crows (alll my friends) now plays I am content in my present and content in the knowledge that my past will never be what I want it to be, but I can't change it I can only learn from it to apply to the future.
I am stubborn and i can not accept that I am not able to do things and now as Lifehouse's trying plays I think it is very appropriate "even if it takes my whole life to get where Iam going... trying to find my way"
I donno I leave this post with the knowledge yet again that I have failed to express entirely what it is that I am feeling and maybe that is because in all honesty i don't know if I understand it all...
my winamp has been amazing it seems to just pick up the songs that seem to fit into what I am feeling right now Anna begins just started to play which is the perfect expression of the hope I am feeling. Hope in myself and the hope in a certain young female. I donno it started with shout by tears for fears which is what really got me to write this post which I really didn't want to for fear of what it says. anyway I have not wasted my entire morning doing this because it was far from a waste but maybe it is time to get back to work, in work, in the art of creating or restoring something there is a power a sense of accomplishment far more satisfying than it used to be.
Here is to growing older and to growing in wisedom, gaining self knowledge, and to reading this post in 6 months a year or 10 years and wondering if i'll say stupid kid under my breath.
:o) ( whitesnake now plays damn this is cool) I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been, though I keep searching for an answer.......
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| After a long day nothing like a good laugh :-) |
[21 May 2002|07:29pm] |
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amused |
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Jude - King Of Yesterday |
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| Sometimes I become pessimistic.... |
[20 May 2002|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Our Lady Peace - Are You Sad? |
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today i went to the DMV with miss ashley ( she had let her DL expire :-P she will be ragged on for said mishap) prehaps my best and closest female friend, however it was kinda odd, not the normal rousing good times, but it kinda felt as though life had started throwing curves, as if our lives were no longer at all linked, time passes and this is expected it just felt a bit odd, but I am sure things will be fine especially her kidneys :-)..... and I felt like an idiot cause I kept thinking brendon ( a friend of mine and an ex of hers) when her new boyfriend is Brian... I had to catch myself like 5 times..........
Anyway truck now is reregistered in PA and all information is set, and I am square with the state :-), tomorrow I get the state inspection finished up and get the radiator flushed all in preperation for the upcoming trip to Boston :o).
I have tickets for the Red Sox game on Wed which is going to be on ESPN2 so watch the right field stands I'll be 12 rows from the field to the right of the bullpens... plus there will be this adorable lady sitting beside me :)
Anyway 6 years ago in the wee hours of a monday May 20th my father died and that weighs heavily on me as it normally does about this time, and I am sorry to Rob and Ben who saw my short fuse this weekend, I really should have been much more patient, with rob, i know what he was going through but still was harsh.
West virgina was very nice and I think I found a good place to retire to and ride horses all day, and Towsen was well towsen not much you can say about the place, typical college town but still always good to see mr Fairson.
Anyway I think I just need a good long hike by myself maybe with dog but mostly by myself, the world is spinning and I don't want to get off but maybe get my bearings.
xoxoxoxo to jen if she reads this :-) which I hope she does, the rest of you can puke and berate me now.. :-)
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