10:11am 31/08/2002   "you think you're so smart, with your fancy classes and textbooks. At least I'm not wasting all my money and I'm actually having fun" "you may be having fun now, but we'll see who's laughing two years from now when Cory and I both have degrees and all you have is an ex-girlfriend and a dead end job."        Post   www.peoplewithsigns.com    10:58pm 27/08/2002   Need to keep these somewhere, so when I come back to make them into t-shirts I can remember them all... "ALWAYS TELL HER YOU LOVE HER, YOU MIGHT NOT GET ANOTHER CHANCE." "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING." "I ASSUMED IT WAS NORMAL" "I AM HATED." "IF YOU ARENT MY FRIEND, THEN WE BOTH GAIN NOTHING OUT OF YOU MAKING ME BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE" "HEY.... AT LEAST IM NOT A TRENDY SKATEBOARDER" "SAD MUSIC MAKES ME HAPPY" "PEOPLE JUDGE ME" "EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL IS NOTHING" I'M ASSUMING THAT YOU ASSUMED THAT I WAS GAY." "YOU CALL ME A LAIR JUST CAUSE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING" IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND." "WHO DID YOU USED BE?" THE CRUELEST LIES ARE OFTEN TOLD IN SILENCE..." My respect is not for sale. Don't tell me what to feel.        Post   Yeah, cause I'm happy    08:53am 27/08/2002   Dentist in two hours. I need new pants. I also need a new outlook on life. I wonder if I can buy that at the Bay and get airmiles for it? I've been reading alt.wedding quite a lot lately, and there is a girl who is 17, who is planning on getting married on her 18th birthday, so her childhood sweetheart. Of course her family is livid, not supporting the wedding, not supporting them living together until they are both done college. Then she comes onto the newsgroups and starts asking how she can get her dad to contribute money to her wedding. AFTER he told her he'd pay for the whole thing, once she finished college. Now she's all pissy because her dad won't give her money for her wedding. Getting married in college is probably the worst thing anyone could ever do. I thought I wanted to get married, but now I don't think I ever will. One couple in my program already got married. Another girl got engaged. Actually, there are two groups in my program (among the girls). Those in heavy duty, long term gonna get me a wedding ring relationships. And then the group who is single and mingling, bar stars, or just people who don't want to cement everything down in a permanent structure without an escape clause. I'm looking to make sure I have my escape route right now. I really don't think I can last another two years of all this crap. It's seven weeks before I get to see Cory again. Seven. Weeks. And that's only if he comes down to see me (I won't go up to his house and miss thanksgiving with my aunt and grandmother who travelled across the country to see us, who I haven't seen in over a year). Yeah, school is going to be fun. Well, fun for me. And fun in the sarcastic sense for Cory. Cause I'm really looking forward to him having classes with heather's boyfriend, and quite possibly, heather herself. Especially after her behavior this summer, when she point blank said she did not owe me an explanation for her behaviour two years ago, nor should I be *allowed* to question her intentions at coming back and dressing slutty and throwing herself at my boyfriend (in the only way a self absorbed meglomanical posure artchick can do). I wonder a lot if I should spread my wings, and fly by myself for a while. I've had cory to rest on for a really long time now. Since the end of grade 11. Going on five years now. I miss my friends. I miss how they would drag me out of my house after a fight with cory and make me go to AMC and see a crappy movie for $5, then go eat mr sub and have chocolate milk and laugh about I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND and the oprah mobile. I miss that mr sub we found that illegally sold beers under the counter, and how since I was driving that night, my friends decided to sit back and have a beer with our subs (and since some of them were 18 at the time, it seemed like a risky thing to do). I remember how we went down to centre island one day, arash brought his stereo and it got stuck in the turnstiles to get onto the subway. We all brought food and we had a potluck picnic on a bench by the beach. Then we went to Centreville and went on the rides and took pictures in those boards with the paintings on them and the holes cut out to put your face in them. And laurie had a giant waffle filled with grease and whipped cream and strawberry sauce. Then we wandered around for a really long time, and one of the guys who was scared of birds got chased by a giant goose. Then when we got sick of the island, we went to queen west, and went looking for cds and fishnet shirts (well that's what I was looking for...) and then we had dinner at mcdonalds. I dont know why it was, but that was my favorite day. Ever. Everything just went right. We had so much fun, for that one day all the volunteers that showed up (as this was a volunteer social for seneca, and arash just so happened to be volunteering with me) and for that one day all of us were perfect friends. I guess it is sad that I still remember this day in vivid detail, and it was all the way back in the summer before grade 10. But I'm also proud that my memories of highschool and the time between were not filled with alchohol and hooker parties. It was filled with me driving The Tank or Arash driving Charleen, going to see movies, listening to music and eating lots of mr sub. Maybe that's why, to this day, I still eat so much mr sub. Trying to grab hold to those good times, eventhough I now live an entire country away from them. At least I'm not like cory. Going out for lunch with people who are so not my friend, in an attempt to keep the magic alive and remembering why I bothered in the first place. They say don't marry someone you will try to change. I need to hammer that into my head right now. But they also say that a person's friends are a good indication of who they really are on the inside. Hmm... suck between a rock and a hard place. Dentist time.        Post   grrr.....    04:55pm 25/08/2002   http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/2209763.stm It's when stuff like this happens that I hate to admit that I got sucked into the whole Vanilla Coke crapfest. I know this stuff is rotting my insides, and I had stopped drinking pop (or soda, depending where you come from) completely, until vanilla coke came along. mmmm vanilla goodness... But then I just made my own vanilla coke type deal, by adding vanilla to no name local brand cola. And then there's Dr Pepper... I'm good if we don't have any in the house (which does not seem to happen very often anymore, as my dad has rediscovered his love of dr pepper). But if I end up in Red Robin, I'm always there sucking back the dr pepper goodness. But I feel soooooooo much better when I go off carbinated beverages. I'll start that again when I go back to school, as in the art studios we have a huge water cooler that we can use to refill our water bottles, and free water is considerably better than having to pay for carbinated sugar water from the vending machine. I haven't been to starbucks in a really long time, the last time was when Cory and I went to our starbucks that we met at, when he was down visiting in February. It was neat to go back and see that NOTHING has changed there, the table that I was sitting at waiting for him is still there. Someday I will go back and read Toni Morrison's Jazz while sitting at that table (like I did when waiting for him), just to see if he'll come through the door again. And I don't feel *as* bad going to that starbucks, because its unionized. But starbucks is still evil and I would never work there unless I got hit in the head and woke up as a blonde airhead bimbo who only dated guys to get them to buy stuff for me. But then if I woke up as that hypothetical blonde creature, you might find me voting for Mike Harris, and then you'd just have to shoot me and put me out of my misery. One last time kiddies... MARKET LIBERALISM = BAD. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD. CAPITALISM = UNSUSTAINABLE. the end        Post   grrr.....    04:55pm 25/08/2002   http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/2209763.stm It's when stuff like this happens that I hate to admit that I got sucked into the whole Vanilla Coke crapfest. I know this stuff is rotting my insides, and I had stopped drinking pop (or soda, depending where you come from) completely, until vanilla coke came along. mmmm vanilla goodness... But then I just made my own vanilla coke type deal, by adding vanilla to no name local brand cola. And then there's Dr Pepper... I'm good if we don't have any in the house (which does not seem to happen very often anymore, as my dad has rediscovered his love of dr pepper). But if I end up in Red Robin, I'm always there sucking back the dr pepper goodness. But I feel soooooooo much better when I go off carbinated beverages. I'll start that again when I go back to school, as in the art studios we have a huge water cooler that we can use to refill our water bottles, and free water is considerably better than having to pay for carbinated sugar water from the vending machine. I haven't been to starbucks in a really long time, the last time was when Cory and I went to our starbucks that we met at, when he was down visiting in February. It was neat to go back and see that NOTHING has changed there, the table that I was sitting at waiting for him is still there. Someday I will go back and read Toni Morrison's Jazz while sitting at that table (like I did when waiting for him), just to see if he'll come through the door again. And I don't feel *as* bad going to that starbucks, because its unionized. But starbucks is still evil and I would never work there unless I got hit in the head and woke up as a blonde airhead bimbo who only dated guys to get them to buy stuff for me. But then if I woke up as that hypothetical blonde creature, you might find me voting for Mike Harris, and then you'd just have to shoot me and put me out of my misery. One last time kiddies... MARKET LIBERALISM = BAD. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD. CAPITALISM = UNSUSTAINABLE. the end        Post   hmm... a journal entry about journals    05:06pm 24/08/2002   It's kinda weird, finding the online journal of someone you don't exactly like. Their sekkrit online journal that they don't think anyone in real life knows about. Hmm.... Makes me wonder who knows about this one, other than the ususal subjects. I don't bother adding tons of people to my friends list because I don't pretend this journal is about or is for anyone except me. I don't seriously think that people will want to sit down and read about the day to day happenings in my life, nor do I think they will *care* about how much I dislike certain people or how I think certain people cant film worth shit and since im back to skating again said person can't pretend to be the only person who is capable of acting as a followcam. Well poo on you. This is about me. me me me me me me me me me me. I don't add people to my friends list and I will not join other people's friends lists because pretending that live journal is a community is silly. It's a giant group of individuals all screaming for their chance to say their piece all at once. Maybe some people scream in the same key, so they can loosely be grouped together, but ultimately journals are an individual thing. Now that an interesting turn of events has made it possible for me to walk out tomorrow and come home with an Olympus C-4040 Zoom digital camera *drool*, I'll probably be turning this into a photo journal anyway. It will also make it a hell of a lot easier to photograph the progress of the work I'm doing in drawing, painting and studio. Speaking of school.... Classes start on the 3rd. yayayayayayayaya poop. I just finished exams a week ago thursday, leaving a little over two weeks of vacation time. I spent one of these two weeks in CoryTown, avoiding annoying people and running up credit card bills. Skated a bit, but when a car that looked suspiciously like the mommymobile drove by twice, and both times the people in the car stared us down, my heart just wasn't in it. PamtasticPamtasticPamtasticPamtasticPamtasicPamtasic. For the record, I never WANTED to be your friend, I was not acting buddybuddy with you, that was me being civil for Cory's sake. I'd rather be a snob than pretend to be everyone's friend to their faces then stabbing them in the back as soon as they walk out the door of your stinky little shack. You can only run around pretending you're 14 for so much longer, before the real world comes crashing in and you finally realize you're grown up and your poor little suicidal boy act dosen't cut it anymore and everyone just thinks you are lame. School in a week. I get to see The Married Couple yet again. Pooooooooooooooooo. They both so goddamn the same I ask "you wanna ice cream cone?" they both say yes. Yeah, that's fine that you're married, but it's not cool that you are living off your parents money. At least wait until you can pay all your own bills before you go tie the knot and announce it to the entire studio and make a big deal about how you are skipping class to go on your honeymoon. But again, this is me talking in MY journal, an individual commenting on the world. nah nah na na nah.        Post       03:16pm 13/08/2002   Which Archangel are you? by Xera        Post       02:09pm 10/08/2002   yayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!!!!!!!! cory landed kickflips! im so proud of him. he's been trying to land them for as long as i can remember. yay cory! i wish i had been there to see them, but i'll see them next week :)        Post       11:21pm 09/08/2002   Take the "How immature are you?" Test created by sami        Post   what tool song am i?    11:18pm 09/08/2002   Take the "What Tool song are you?" Test created by sami        Post   lkjdasflkjlk    11:10pm 09/08/2002   since livejournal seems to want to be a pooface tonight, this is all this update will contain. cory check your email.        Post   grr stomp hiss    06:51pm 23/07/2002   You came into his life and you ruined it. You played your sick little game right from the very first day. That wasn't very funny when you had your boyfriend message him on icq and ask him if he met anyone cool at school and kept asking questions about if you wanted to date his girlfriend, and only after a few weeks he finally told you who he was. How do you think I felt, living in your shadow? How do you think he felt, when you'd tell him things about how you were thinking of leaving your boyfriend for him, but you weren't quite sure? Then inviting him to your birthday party and then uninviting him at the last minute because "your boyfriend thought it would be weird". Were you proud of himself when you came to his birthday party and told him infront of everyone that you guys couldn't see eachother anymore, again because "it is too weird"? How about that time your art class went on a trip to new york, and you laughed at him because you had tricked him into telling you the most intimate details of his life, and everything you told him about yours was a lie? Did you enjoy getting on your high horse and telling my boyfriend it was wrong to cheat on me when we had been apart for six months? Did you enjoy gossiping to all his friends about the ways that he's fucked up his life and how poor little cory screwed it all up? How about rubbing it in how perfect your life is and how you've been dating the same guy since highschool? Well I've got news for you. You're a cunt. I don't word that use in a negative context very often, but when I do, it means you really really really suck. So screw you for coming back two years later and wanting to be friends. I spent so much energy and so much time helping him fix the mess you left the last time you were in his life. we fixed what was wrong between us, and now we're happy. We've fixed things. We are now putting together our own version of the perfect life, one that doesn't include you. There is a special place in hell for people like you. People who play games with other people's hearts. I lived in your shadow for years. Damned if I'm going to do it again. You hurt him. You hurt him so bad he failed his year because he didn't want to come back to college and have to face you in class. Now you want to be his friend again? Now you want to be my friend? I really don't think so. The only reason I'm nice to you is because he asked me to. If I had my way, you'd be on your way to hell right now. Grrrrr.        Post   pamtastic!    12:10am 12/07/2002   so here is that happy entry where everything got worked out. being in a relationship is hard work. very hard. stressful too. but we managed to hammer out an agreement so now our lawyers are back in their cages until the next disagreement :P it's funny that it took a certain person this long to realize that everyone else thinks his girlfriend is a complete joke. oooooh im sooooooo spooooooooky. tribal tattoos are for lamers. plastic fangs are for lamers. face full of metal. guess what? that is for lamers! bondage ring and you're not a sub? lamer. mansonite? lamer. and so on. such a joke.        Post   my baddle cry is....    12:09am 12/07/2002   what's your battle cry? | mewing.net | merchandise!        Post   they say that breaking up is hard to do    05:12pm 10/07/2002   these next few weeks are going to be hard. i have no idea what will happen. i have a white band where my ring used to be. im not 100% sure what happened. I got through school okay but now I'm a mess. The first week is always the hardest... but if i can get through the first week without falling apart, and without him crying for us to get back together, I think I will be okay. the cuts on my abdomen make the emotional pain much easier to deal with anyway. i had a vision of myself becoming one of those crazy people who go from garbage can to garbage can picking out the cans and then drinking what was left in them. but how is he going to prevent me from becoming that? It looks like I'll be moving to europe when my BA is done anyway, and I know he never would have moved with me. So I guess this is for the best. I'll keep telling myself this is for the best. And I'll keep telling myself that, just incase there isn't a message here tomorrow about how I am happy that we worked things out. Bleh. 4 years. gone. time to lock myself in the bathroom.        Post   computer issues, slighly peeved    09:52pm 09/07/2002   I'm having computer issues. My own damn fault for buying my computer from an evil huge chain. Next time I'll build my own. But that's what I said last time. And probably the time before that. Bleh. I'm pretty annoyed. I hate having to explain myself, about why I dislike certain people. And I don't think that just because two people have been friends for a long time, that is automatically an excuse to forgive every downright rotten shitty thing they do now. I think you are blind and what you are doing is simply hurting yourself by not looking at how bad the scene has become and that friendship no longer exists between any of you. But no one wants to say that they have no friends. Better to surround yourself with people you dislike than look like you're a loser with no friends, right? Excuse me, fuck right off if you think you know what's best for my boyfriend. Only he knows what's best for me. You have no right to say what he should and should not be doing and who he should keep talking to. adam got it right by moving away. As soon as I'm done my BA, I'm out of here. If Cory doesn't come with me, that's fine. Last time I checked, I wasn't holding a gun to his head. Can you say the same about yourself?        Post   look what i can do!    10:14pm 07/07/2002   Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala I am refraining from writing something nasty. But I hate being told that I'm not allowed to talk to my own boyfriend, because a certain person NEEDS to play the latest computer game full of blood and gore and mindless violence. And no, that person is not his cat. Goddammit Hahahahahahaha it worked as soon as I started bitching, guess who came online. Heh.        Post   doing the happy dance    07:15pm 04/07/2002   I am really excited about where I am right now. Relationship wise, things are better than ever before. This last mini vacation together really helped to put things into perspective. And I'll be seeing Cory again in about three weeks, which is even better. More CoryKelly time! Today I found out how I can skip my MA and go straight to my PhD. Which means I could have my PhD by the time I'm 26. Maybe earlier. It means having to go to a US university, but I'd be VERY okay with that if it meant not having to do a MA. But in order to get into *any* graduate school, I have to keep my marks up. So I should go study. yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayyayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayyayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay *excited*        Post   random recalled memory    08:41pm 17/06/2002   For some reason I started to remember my grade 10 enriched math class. I had a horrible teacher. He was really big and had two thumbs (on one hand) and two earlobes (on one ear) but that just made him cool. He was horrible because he would always put our tests in order of highest to lowest, and make a big deal about who got the higest marks. He also never learned my name. He called me Irene for the entire semester. I don't remember why I remembered this today while sitting at the dinner table, but i did.        Post   Of course i'd survive a horror movie!    09:14pm 16/06/2002   Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty        Post

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