Finally finished my taxes

Dang it took me nearly forever to finish my taxes this year. I feel like kind of a knob for struggling so long with the Schedule C-21 form (Statement of Minimally Acquired Assets and Declaration of Trans-Assets) since I been doing it for so long based on owning Gramma K's trailer and being co-signed on the EPMRA-4 Pension that she gets from Gerber. I guess the thing that threw me was trying to figure out how much of the Assigned Shelter Credit I could prorate to myself based on having moved out before the year ended. You really don't want to screw up your ASC because it's a real red flag for gettin' audited. There were no real clear guidelines on the IRS-U site or any of the major tax prep websites, so I gave myself the minimum and figure anything else will come as part of my refund, which I already need to spend on repairs to the trailer (rain gutters have grass growing in them and are all rusted).

Anyhow, I finished my taxes so I feel like doing a little celebrating. Maybe I'll borrow an Amstel from Ray and shoot some pool. No, I better go buy one. I ate some of his Fritos last night. I have to stop getting high and acting like everything is mine. That is so low class.

Korean bbq lunch

It is insane, what they do is have a hot sizzling grill at your table and you go get the raw meats and cook them yourself. I went down to the Coriya Hot Pot City (yeah, the spelling is unusual) with Ray and Pat today to have dudes' lunch and it was some grub. As usual Ray bought us all big Tsing Tao beers and we got kind of nutty before the grill heated up. He dared me to go get hot dogs and buns from the grocery next door and I was like oh no crap dude I can't do that, they will hell of kick us on the tuchus, straight to the gutter. Ray don't stand down from no idea after a few O-Zs though so he went and picked up dogs and all the fixins. When he busted back in he started grillin' it all up and asked the waiter if he wanted to get in on the action. I was freakin' out because lunch was $14 each (you pay up front) and I didn't want to get it on the ear.

Damn but I guess since it wasn't crowded (we eat late) the dude was mad down for a break from wiping off grills. Ray ordered a big Tsing Tao for the guy, from the guy, which took a little while to get across, but then the dude came out with it and started cooking up a dog. Ray gave him his leather Raiders cap and he put it on backwards. He didn't speak too much English but with some more beers it didn't matter, he was mad laughing and daring Ray to eat all kinds of the weird seafood and organ meats from the meat bar. Ray ate something that looked like an empty finger, a round white ball that he said tasted "absolutely awful," and this weird little fish with big orange egg sacs hanging out of the bottom part where the fish pees from. Every time he ate another weird thing the waiter would laugh and pound his open palms on the table, and pretty soon the other waiters and even the dishwasher were out, throwing different meats down on the grill for Ray to eat and betting money on whether he could gag it down. Ray was performing like a champ, just getting the runtiest and most discolored tubes and ligaments down, and the crowd was going wild. Beers were set down in front of us from out of nowhere, and I saw a couple guys in the crowd taking gulps from this jar that had a rattlesnake in it.

At the height of the excitement this ancient Korean dude in huge sunglasses and a three-piece suit kind of drifted up to the front of the action, and he had a ceramic bowl with a lid. It got real quiet when people saw this guy, and all the money stopped changing hands. Ray sucked a big gulp of Tsing Tao down and looked around, confused by the silence. Then he spotted the guy and the bowl, looked coolly at him for about five real tense seconds, and nodded resolutely. The crowd went mad, waving money around like crazy, and the ancient Korean dude smiled with a barely perceptible thinning of the lips. He set the bowl down on the table and put on one thin white cotton glove. The crowd grew silent again.

He took the lid slowly off with his ungloved hand, set it down, and then reached into the bowl with his gloved hand. Out he pulled a tiny little live baby bird, without even any feathers, squirming and squealing like crazy.

All eyes were on Ray, and he didn't change his expression for about a full minute. I'm not really sure he knew what he was supposed to do with the bird, but when he tied his napkin around his forehead like a bandanna the place went nuts. The ancient man walked over, motioned for Ray to open his mouth, and when he did, the man gingerly pushed the squealing bird down his throat with one finger while a waiter set a little glass of the snake liquor down. Ray took it with one shaky hand and drained it. Then the little man leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Now you know what it is, to have death inside you." He patted him on the shoulder and disappeared into the crowd with his bowl as they erupted into deafening applause, hollers and fist-pumping.

Ray didn't say much as we paid and left, and when we got out to his Escalade we realized that he wasn't well. It was like something had cracked inside his brain, and when I tried to check his pupils he fell down onto the curb in a trance. We rushed him to Dr. Andretti's and explained what had happened, and Doc pumped his stomach. Ray's there overnight for observation and I'll go check him out tomorrow. He might need some kind of therapy after a lunch like that, and sleeping pills at night. I know I ain't goin' nowhere near my pillow. I got a hot pot of Joe here and a big old list of code I been meaning to work on.

$

Dang I got to calm down. Molly had kind of a scratchy throat and so I said I would make her soup dinner if she rested on the couch under a blanket, but she didn't want any of the soups she had so I kind of played The Man and was all Yeah I will go get you some of your favorite flavors of soup. I went over to Round Nation, since they are open late and have a pretty decent selection of fresh bread (she likes crusty cheese toast) and those fancy canned Vonrieght Auf Den Krightenmueller gourmet soups. His soups are freaky-sodiumy but she has naturally low blood pressure so it is not so much of an issue with her. I got her a can of "Spaetzle with Squab Confit" or something since that was about as close as he gets to chicken soup. I also picked up some Pemmican Tender for the walk home, but you ain't got to know about that.

Anyhow the thing that made me nervous was that when I was checking out the clerk lady counted out a twenty for me even though I did not select Cash Back. I think she was just in the routine of giving people a twenty back. I took it, even though I had so many voices in my head telling me not to. I tucked it nonchalantly into my pocket and left with my bag. The whole time when I was walking across the dark parking lot and down along the sidewalk home I felt like cops were gonna bust all up on me and corner me. I was stiff and in hell the whole time. I should have just realized that no one was gonna miss that twenty until they closed a couple hours later. But now I can't go back there because they all will know I'm a crook. Man why did I take that twenty. If I could ever do a single thing to not screw up my life it would be a goddam miracle.

I go for walks

I been going on a lot of walks since I took in at Ray's place. I guess it is kind of my thing I do during the evening during the time when me and Molly used to just sit in and watch Jeopardy. I never felt too good about watching TV during the dinnertime hours as I suspected it led to poor metabolism. Now I am free to skulk all around like a ghost and this is pretty much great.

Tonight was a pretty normal one. I usually walk behind the public storage place so that I can see if anything interesting is happening in the hidden trailer park there (the one between the building and the highway wall) and usually I get to see a yelling or two or maybe just an old man who is so drunken that he is out in his robe with no underpants and squaddling on his little crummy porch, a bottle in his hand and the boogie all shriveled and sitting on the wood. Tonight an extremely dumb guy (you could tell by his grammar) was promising to cook chilaquiles for this other dirtbag and they were yelling about it inbetween all the trailers. I don't know why I went there, I guess it reminds me of my place in things. If you don't know, chilaquiles is a crummy Mexican dish of crumbled tortilla chips stirred in with scrambled eggs and salsa. It is crass and shitty. It is no good and not a nice dish.

update for December 10

Sorry I been so long away. It was kind of a month, you know. I guess the long and short of it is that after Molly and me split up Ray gave me an AIBO to keep me company and I moved outta Gramma K's place. Later on I ran into Molly at Taco Bell and we been havin' pretty good chats since then. I thought it would be pretty acidic if we saw each other, but maybe most of the issues were all in my mind. When we saw each other again it was all easy, same conversations as before we got weird. For even a few seconds here and there I really did like talking to her such as a friend, you know, not even with lady vs. man type tension in the way. I noticed that I felt this. We both had had this same observation about how this new taquería had opened up in a pretty bad location downtown (an area with absolutely no foot traffic, behind a large out-of-business carpet store) and we both kind of had our hearts broken by seeing this ill-advised venture. If we can look at the same thing and feel the same way that is good right? Or maybe you need someone who sees the opposite of what you see so that you don't send each other into downward spirals of depression. Man this is one for the coin-flippers.

orange keys

I think all I've eaten lately is cheez doodles. My keyboard keys are kind of sticky/grainy with the cheez powder, not really sure how to get it off. Whatever, I can deal.

Molly called and left a message. She wanted to go on a picnic but I really don't see the point. She moved out. Her vector is headed away from mine now. Obviously this is how it's supposed to be, or else we'd be closer as opposed to further apart. If you were watching us from a satellite it would be really clear to you that we're growing apart because there is greater distance between our basic coordinates. Sometimes you just need to step back an order of magnitude and look at the thing with a cold, detached eye. Life looks a lot simpler when viewed from above. We all look like ants going either towards sugar or away from danger. We ain't so complicated.

I mean, what kind of magical being sits around eating cheez doodles and refreshing slashdot all day. We ain't the final word in evolution, people.

small times

It is small times around here since Molly left. Extremely quiet. This morning I noticed that I hadn't eaten in three days (fainted in the bathroom right after my leg started shaking really bad) so I managed to choke down some stuff. Also I hadn't brought the mail in in a while and when I went to get it I felt the sunlight on me and realized I hadn't been outside in a few either. I would take a walk but my hair is kind of disheveled and I don't want folks to see that. I would call Lyle to see if he can come over and give me a trim but he is usually pretty busy these days. Maybe I'll wait until it grows longer and can be combed into a long-type haircut that looks intentional.