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laura and the boys [14 Feb 2003|03:19pm] .. ive been listening pretty consistantly to pulp & suede for the last two days. i'm enjoying music in the workplace. it helps me escape. but whats funny, ive had both these cds for years. ive loved these two cds for years. i feel though im hearing them both for the first time. they keep mentioning places i was last weekend. its a thrill. ive come down. i am thrilled, and excited about the weekend. i called home at lunch to wish phil and kir a happy v.day, with ulterior motives of telling kir to watch phil this weekend. i love those two boys beyond words, if phil, dan, k and i could just move to an island and exist.. utopia. i woke kir up, and he was so fuzzy but soothing. i recounted my exploding pint story twice, they both laughed. kieran makes me feel so good, he cares so much about dan, and hes so good to phil, and hes pretty good to me too! we should all have a kir in our lives. i just want to go home and have dan go home, and all have a good platonic group cuddle. i miss platonic touching. anyways, im not worried, though i probably should be, i just want my boys to be safe this weekend, i dont know how things will turn at home. i hope testosterone doesnt take over. i worry about them more than myself. much more. maybe i shouldnt if i am unintentionally causing glasses to combust. post comment

"i mean people do think it is important to look nice here, but we do have people who look like you t [14 Feb 2003|10:14am] [ mood | hungover ] .. last night we went to play pool. well, they did, i was the pool bunny that i always am. i really wish that i could play pool. i suck. the bar was nice, and dirty, it reminded me of home, all we needed were pitchers, if they only had pitchers, i'd not have been drinking that fated pint. it was such fun, so relaxed. we all got pints, pints of tuborg grøn, carrie drank classic. the boys were playing pool, carrie and i chatting about life, travel, politics everything. corey joins between shots. shankar looks lost. ming smiles. ming and shankar play. carrie, corey and i talk of the mass media hysteria, which i am glad to be away from right now, it would destroy me. talk about the blågårds gathering. talk about approval ratings, about risk, about the reasoning behind the mass media hysteria, ie. propaganda, bullshit. i get hot headed and overemotional about these issues. i made a very concerted effort to be level headed, and relaxed. i was talking about angry things, but i was not angry. and it exploded. it exploded, in my lap, it just went poof, and my pint, minus only a sip, was in my lap, i had two handfuls of glass, and a crotch full of beer. carrie and corey just stared in shock, then laughed. carrie began to pick the glass from my hands. im not talking, it cracked and began to seep, i wasnt even putting pressure on it, it just exploded in my hands. last night i had nightmares. i am really worried about mike. somethings off and noone will say what. i have such admiration for him, im so proud of him, he's such an unbelievable person, and i can only hope it is what i think it is. be he my cousin or not, he is an incredible human being, and i can only strive to be more like him. i wish we could be better friends! this weekend is to be full of actions, and bowling. tonight will be jazz. tomorrow i will mingle and be, and see what the blågård event is all about. i will hopefully see my friends. sunday will be beer and bowling, and that, my last weekend in copenhagen. next friday im playing in a soccer tournament! mark will love that. i miss him, but sometimes life takes you away from the people that are important. i credit him with the most influence at the most important time in my life. i should thank him more often. i read this article on theglobeandmail.com intent on a giggle, and a hip hip, but the last six words speak volumes. i saw. they understand. You're not trusted: PM to U.S. ..Mr. Chrétien backed the United States in the battle within the North Atlantic Treaty Organization over whether the transatlantic alliance should take steps to defend Turkey in the event of war against Iraq, a move rejected by France, Germany and Belgium. post comment

breakout [13 Feb 2003|03:01pm] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | hayden ] .. i brokeout today. a real breakout, none of those sissy embassy breakouts. actually there was a sissy embassy breakout on top of that. the estonian girl loves me, and i love her. she cringed as i walked in the door. and after i talked for a few minutes with my questions, she sort of shuddered and asked .so what did your friend decied to do. i told her he had chosen to travel on his american passport. she laughed, a laugh of relief. then i explained my issue. she was understanding. and i should have my visa for next thursday. i leave on saturday. i booked us a hostel this morning. the directions say, follow the signs to the erotic sex club! i think ill like tallinn. i am listening to hayden. he soothes. i am being super productive. (really) lindsays student visa situation is messed. i feel bad for her, so we went for lunch, across the street, we drank wheat beer and laughed. it felt good not to be here. if i worked in toronto id be spending much more money on lunch, but i think id enjoy lunch much more. tonight there is pool. they dont know about me and pool yet. i feel that i shouldnt go, poor corey will want to kill me before we even take off next saturday. corey rocks! its actually eerie how similar our tastes are. i love his camera. i cant stop saying that. his birthday was fun! i dont think he had fun, but we had fun prepping, and not for it. it actually was his birthday. i am going to miss carrie. this weekend will be jam packed. friday the christiania jazz club is prioritized with a potential dinner at lindsays. the brewery is a certainty on sunday morning at 10 am prior to bowling. saturday i may make a field trip to helsingør to see hamlets castle, i like hamlet. saturday i may go to the brewery again. saturday i may go to the planetarium. i think the planetarium would make a great date place. after work ill go buy my interrail pass. post comment

it will only get worse [12 Feb 2003|02:55pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | suede ] .. i dont want that job- at all. i feel like a bratty 14 year old. but i have to come to terms w- the anger & such that will exist if i do choose to go to whitehorse. honestly though, how much is pulling me back to ontario? everything has changed. and i do understand all that i will be doing by going is buying myself a little more time. i have no objection to buying time. why should anyone else? the fact is, im not worried. not about that. i do, however, have something else troubling me. good things have been happening all week- really good things. the wonderful weekend, corey coming to the baltics, carrie's manditory 15 day holiday, lindsays school. for each of us, these things have put us on top of the world. i have a horrible foreboding that the world will be headed to hell in a handbasket very shortly. i am terrified. post comment

this is london [11 Feb 2003|02:40pm] [ mood | happy ] .. friday: - boys go to dinner, girls go for beers, get trashed and gossip, mock the boys - all go to bull & gate, lindsay and carrie do not come in, listen to heavy mutha's, shankar & andrew hide, we groove. good, would be fantastic if i was still into that kind of thing. - rainbow brite has a pvc pipe on the underground, he is the coolest ever, i think he thought he was hunting koalas, looked like a blow gun to me, was in fact a digerydoo... and a lance - obsessive compulsive man wears a purple flowery hat, dress shoes with no socks, and opens packs of starbust while speed reading 3 newspapers, he has a 19" monitor sitting next to him. saturday: - wake up slowly - eat most artery clogging breakfast ever - go w- carrie and lindsay to get theater tickets - i get 'taboo', they get 'rent' - we say see ya - i walk the thames and absorb - i bump into the boys going to the tower, they invite, i decline, i think we were all happy about that. - hop on the underground to portobello market - i browse antique spoons, broaches and drink coffee - take the underground, with some serious issues back to the theater. i watched the play and thought, wow, sexy. i thought wow, best chorus ever. i thought everyone looks like they are having such fun. then it got intense. i cried. laughed, sang. so incredibly glad that i saw it. - i go to tower records, laugh, and bask. and laugh some more. i bring nick cave home. - i return to the hotel listen to nick cave and write. - the boys call 5 minutes early for beers. i go, the girls show. we go for vietnamese, and i come back into myself after a bit. i needed to sort some feelings. - corey suggests returning to the bull&gate;, andrew gets a look of horror on his face. lindsay and carrie say nej. we go. 100 yards club, reagan, & john elephant band. all of these kids are going to be big. reagan had to be my favorite. i bought their demo. so good. we drank guinness and laughed, and enjoyed the show. that night was pure bliss. everything i was looking for. - return to the hotel and laugh and giggle w- carrie sunday: - wake up somehow both of us at 7.15, lie in bed talking about stuff and life and all, comfortable. we are both happy. i peel an orange, we share and laugh some more. - clog the arteries again. - decide to stalk carrie + corey to the tate modern - off the metro poor sad man, with a sawed bike chain, and dirty fingernails tells us of his very expensive stolen bike. he cries. puts on a good show. we give him change. asks for our address, insists, corey invents one. offers us harry potter, sees my eyes light up, i decline, i tell him i love harry potter. we wander off. i say .check your wallets. we laugh, he was worth a £ or two. - baffle over the enormity of it, admire the floor, two fabulous photographs stick out, one painting. i was drawn. - we walk the bridge and meet a real nutter, he had ten bags of nuts. i want to be a nutter for an hour just to put it on my resume. - we metro about and look for food, coffee, carrie peels an orange, it looks like an elephant. - we go to speakers corner, to hyde park, there is a star trek convention, it was fun. some real convicted people there. we laugh and mock. listen or try to. are touched. - try to tease the trekkies, peeking in, scary security dude looks at us and comes out, we get scared, he gets to us and says .can i help you. .no thanks, just looking. he smiles and gives us pamphlets and talks, we all laugh inside. - keep moving - camden market, we browse, i want a moog tshirt, corey got it, i browsed and enjoyed the vibe. - we go to the dublin castle and drink cider, talk about everything. - we meet the rest and go for curry, politics comes up, i dont back down, we were both saying the same thing. - we go for beers, more beers. - carrie and i let loose and say screw it and go base, and decide to go to australia come september. the boys just look at us like we are on crack. - corey and shankar and i go back to dublin castle for more live music, two not so bad bands, one relatively bad, we laughed and drank and sat in the corner, i watched the photographer enviously. corey turns and says .his camera is crap. or along those lines. - we wait for the subway, there is a little man on a horse, and a bus. - we arrive and go to sleep, or i pack, and carrie laughs monday: - 430am i am up - 5am i am in a cab to the train station, stupid underground. today: - i got an email from corey saying hes back in for the baltics, this thrills me no end, it would be so good if carrie would give in and come too, i had such fun with them this weekend. i am itching to answer the email, but i cannot, because it is his birthday and i am ignoring him! ooh ooh! i am going to buy brownies. post comment

the toast has no ears [10 Feb 2003|01:43pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] .. - 3 days - 1 newcastle - 1 guiness - 1 murphys - 2 strongbow - 2 tiger - 1 cobra - 1 old dane - 9 bands - 5 good bands - 1 musical - 1 boy george singalong - 1 emotional breakdown - 1 fabulous chorus - 2 new albums - 2 markets - 1 fabulous museum - 1 gigantic pvc sculpture - many laughs - 2 orange peels - 3 scared boys - 1 life plan - 1 headache - 1 nutter + 1 sawed bike chain + 1 new harry potter - 1 nutter + 10 bags of sugared nuts - 1 day independance - 1 day carrie + corey - 1 star trek convention - 1 security guard - 1 pamphlet - 1 sandwich board.. it will only get worse - 10 ranters - 1 ranting granny - 3 holes in the wall - best weekend .ever. post comment

[06 Feb 2003|12:00pm] [ mood | cold ] .. the postman took my stamps again! but this time he brought me my letter, unopened, with the stamps intact, asked who it was from, and then asked if he could have the stamps so i ripped it off myself! i got a freaky call at 2am last night (on my room phone whcih ive never used) .. 'why i no see you anymore..' over and over and over.. it scared me, but not enough to keep me from going back to sleep! now im all creeped out! so excited for london im frozen right to the bone. i kinda have a job, i think, in fucking ottawa. that gave me a nervous breakdown. a complete and utter nervous full out breakdown. so i called phil and cried. and he called bri, and bri called me and told me he was looking for a new roomate. and phil said he would come with me if i wanted. i think i sounded really bad. i was. i bought a pack of cigarettes, first in 89 days. so i have to interview formally for it on return to canada between trainning back from ireland, boating back from oslo, flying back from cph, and before donnas wedding. i may not still have the job after that. it should, but the job doesnt excite me, i am more inspired to look harder now so i dont have to live in ottawa. that would be horrible. i went to a nice cafe last night with lindsay and carrie, it made me want to smoke, i was stressed, that was before i found two wonderful ottawa boy roomates. we ordered steamers, and the dude thought we were nuts. he was nice though. or to me, mine was 10kr, theirs was 20. i came home, listened to joy division and felt much better. i talked to phil and felt better again. i put on makeup and that made me feel better too. i bought cigarettes and that made me feel great. i went and froze waiting for the bus. i rode the 5a through nørrebro, and met a nice man from iraq. we discussed living in denmark, as a non dane. i met with alice and the boys for beers, good beers, i like newcastle. we taught alice hair terms, all about mullets! shes adorable! it was nice to be in a chill atmosphere. a chill, dirty atmosphere with couches. i was very happy. i had to call dan, because phil told me to, and i talked to him for 7 minutes, i cringe at the thought of the next phone bill. We giggled, i was drunk and outside, and not wearing a coat, and smoking, we did turbo updates on our lives, and i remembered why i love him so much, why, if i have to spend my life alone, its okay, as long as our friendship exists. i came home and slept. and then the creepy call woke me up. i need insurance, and a ho(s)tel reservation in tallinn, so i can get a visa, to pack, to sort out my life, to come to terms with unhappiness. post comment

[05 Feb 2003|03:46pm] [ mood | angry ] .. freakin brian!! ARG! go away! post comment

null & broken [05 Feb 2003|08:54am] .. I am feeling very very hungover, though i only had one beer, a capo mind you, but only one. Tonight there will be more, i hope. Last night i had an interview, for a job i didnt particularly want, it went better than the others, sucks to be me. I went to the dtu, and got a call from someone i had been wanting to hear from, just on my way in. He brought me back to earth, and made me lonlier than ever. Im destined to spend my life alone. Destined. Andrew actually spoke to me at the dtu, and corey complained about the department store, and shankar was darling, and björn was smiley as ever. The girls didn't come and that was fine by me, it felt like being back in school. It appears corey's out of the baltics now, his parents are coming that week, and on top of being disappointed about him not coming, i am feeling guilty because he still has to pay for the ticket. I am hoping i can do something about it when we go to the airport on friday, i feel horrible. London, i am excited and not about. I am not excited about being the only one needing to leave at 5am on monday morning. I am not excited about not finding any good music. I am hoping live music will be found and it will be a fun relaxed time, and the large group will not cause stress + all as it nearly did in berlin, and this time we're one more. I want to have fun, and a chance to do my own thing, and the group thing. Last night i had a dream about a very special boy ive not heard from in so long. It made me smile in my sleep thinking of the friendship i had with him. He reminds me of someone here so much. I miss him. What i want, more than anything, is to lie on the couch, talk life, talk about the horrors and wonders of the world and have someone brush the hair from my forehead. That is comfort. post comment

[04 Feb 2003|01:28pm] .. i look at him and think– hes got really clean lines, id like to draw him. i dont look at him and think– id like to kiss him. post comment

tim hortii [03 Feb 2003|09:25am] .. the plural of tim hortons. i dont think ive ever been so sad to come back. and that is saying a lot because the prospect of .leaving. copenhagen right now, as surprising as it may seem, has me restless at night. not because i dread what is to come, though that too, but the silly city is really starting to grow on me. Or ive just had much more fun the last little while here. or, music came back with me from toronto and i am able to recess again. that seems the most likely and wonderful answer. Feb 22, i fly to helsinki. as does corey. I think we wont kill each other, or he wont kill me, i hope, he didnt as i fell asleep awkwardly on the bus and woke up with my head embedded in his waist. today i hurt. i had a lever in my back, a crack in my neck, a foot on my leg, and a fish in my tummy. the boat got to me. i spoke german. insofar as telling a pole, what he was holding on to in english was in fact also a pole! we conversed on the metro and that made me giddy. on arrival shopping was prioritized and i quickly figured that i had no interest, despite my intentions. i went for a walk. and photographed the church with the hole in it, where i chatted (and i think am currently engaged to) another 80 year old german man who gave me photography lessons or lessons in where the light will come from. i think. i had a pretzel. and met a lady on the street corner who wanted to buy my ugly green scarf. i laughed and spoke in german and it, felt, good. we walked around and looked at the gate from angles which made it that much more spectacular. and drank our mickeys of gammel dansk and scotch from our pockets to keep warm. we went in the dome, it looked warm and cozy, its a cold open space. my mind boggled over the photographs, over the history. we lost carrie, lindsay and andrew, and got colder looking for them while they were all warm and snug downstairs. we went for dinner and consumed things not fit for consumption, and looking for a surpise quickly discovered we wanted neither leather, nor spoiled pork, or baby pork, or the duck- he was from brandenberg. The waiter was delightful, as was the couple at the next table. the area made me feel at home. then we crashed at my favorite hostel ever, it was wonderful. i danced in bed to bad music from downstairs. in the morning we slept, drank coffee at the train station (in german) and went and actually found the wack of wall that didnt seem exist last time. touched, and photographed through nooks and cracks, i pointed my shit camera and snapped, and got to snap with corey's which made me feel wonderful, i felt like running. we climbed dirt hills in the construction site by the river, and got angles, i slid down and boggled. we had breakfast of cheese and quark and i spoke to the waitress in german and it felt good. i ate the skin of kiwi. she told me my tip was too big, and gave me more change than i asked for. i think, and i dont know at the same time, but i think id like to live there, but it is something i am afraid to risk. i love the energy, and i love the language, mock me if you will, but i think german really is a beautiful language. i enjoyed the company, and good music on the way back, and i am afraid of not returning. next weekend is london, and then my last in copenhagen. in london i want to see plays, and bands, and markets... post comment

pivo vs. capo [29 Jan 2003|12:17pm] .. i have a brain tumor headache at the moment. and there is an odour of sulphur in the air at the moment like i have not smelt in a long time. x last night, was the night where i was meant not to make it to the dtu. i persisted. i drank a capo. chatted briefly.had some odd encounter with the norweigan magnus. laughed. returned. i am glad i went, always am. x planning and visits to consulates have occupied much of my work time this past week. that and the missing exterior wall and gale force winds. x dinner on friday was a delight. as was the brewery on saturday morning. jacob was still a princess, and i gave him oticon apples. we semi socialized and saw a bad film and wondered.. x and berlin, yes, something posessed me, us, for saturday, 25½ hours, we’re going to berlin. so excited. will drink sweet beer, sweeter than capo. and bask in all that is berlin. i love berlin. and its cheaper than ever. x while carrie backed out of the baltics, corey’s still in and that excites me. I think it will be great fun. by friday, i will have booked a flight, somewhere, helsinki or tallin. terribly excited. x terribly broke. confusion on my part resulted in me not handing in my tax card. that resulted in me being taxed at the default bracket of 60% rather than my lowly 38%. which resulted in me being far poorer than i should be. even though before tax im making less than i would on welfare back home! but the tax lady is wonderful and i’ll be payed plenty next month. after i leave the country. x oh, and london is in 2 weeks. yes, that would be the week after berlin, and two before finland, estonia, latvia, lithuania, belarus!, poland, the czech republic, slovenia, italy, spain, ireland, and germany. post comment

[27 Jan 2003|11:21am] .. You know how somedays you just wish you could take your computer and work outside? This isnt one of them. post comment

eamonnanna [23 Jan 2003|03:48pm] .. okay, so I am not sure how that is working, or not, i still have desire to smack a person or two but, thats ok. i have chosen to stop concearning myself over such things and do my own thing, and live my own life, and that is that. the march trip is being scaled back, scandinavia has been all but removed with the simple purpose of flying into helsinki because its cheaper. ill then make my way though the baltics, as planned, but a little slower, through poland with an extra day, and throuch the czech republic with an extra two. instead of going back upstairs, from prague ill go to slovenia meet lindsay for the night and then go to venice for pizza. ill then get on a train to milan and perhaps spend another five hours there before overnighting it to barcelona for sangria and paella! then ill go back upstairs to ireland and bask for 12 days, and somehow make my way back to cph through berlin and bruges. and hope to hell theyll actually sell me an interrail pass or else im in a great deal of trouble. I am most excited about hiking in the czech, and the headless statues in lithuania. I still need to obtain pricy visas. my passport is .beautiful. right now. this weekend will be nice. delightful man from my office is having me over for another family dinner, it w as the best part of my whole first four months here. Potentially the christiania jazz club afterwards, and certainly the brewery in the morning. I have to remember to steal apples and shredded carrots for jacob! i love him! Lindsay and Carrie have committed to that, so I may be committed to going to see the damn eminem movie! sunday is turkish brunnch, and maybe ill go to sweden to spend my kroner. It is an exciting weekend. things that were upsetting, are not so intense right now, though they still exist, ill deal later. ill live later. right now i just have to get over myself. The hobbit is boring. Harry potter isnt. I am more excited than words can describe over t he new harry potter. i want to bring jacob back to canada. i realllly like him! i havnt liked a horse like that since lordy! post comment

yack-ob [20 Jan 2003|12:07pm] .. when he told me of his project, my first instinct was to retch.. instead, i looked interested and nodded, and played the part of interest. that was the moment, the exact moment my weekend began, 9.15 friday morning. i was productive and came across what was messing up my entire project, i did my own thing, and went home and cracked out the mouton cadet and lonely shoestring before venturing to lindsays. wheat thins, vegetable thins, triscuts, ginger chocolate, coffee chocolate, cinnamon chocolate, mint chocolate, bitter chocolate, milk chocolate, and violet chocolate, 2 kinds of cheese, salami, toffee, wine, baileys, cassis, hawaiian tropic herbal liqueur from riga, icelandic schnapps, czech something orother, make for a good night. for future reference, baileys does not mix. ff to saturday 10 am, brewery time, after having become terribly comfortable on the couches of baresso, and pretending to be interested in the history of beer. jacob is my new best friend, he nibbled and licked my fingers and pouted when i left. i felt sad to leave him. yack-ob, my new best friend. but i had to leave, free beer, free wheat beer, was calling. we bussed back to the city and went to bowling for columbine. laughed and conversed. we left and searched desperately for open grocers. so we went to norrebro and bought there fresher produce. we went to the bunker and cooked in the space the size of 3 tamati mats chopped potatos, ate lentils and chickpeas, the herring sat looking regal. beer was free, free beer is consumed. i lost games but was good, and missed, but didnt the 355 bus back to rådhusplads. 430 i crashed and smiled. skip 7 frames til sunday, brunch, frikadellers, smoked salmon, best coffee ever, æbleskivver, vermont maple syrup, fruit, bread, cheese, potatoes, nachos, mystery upon mystery, cereal with no bowls to live in, vinyl couches with funfur pillows to lounge on, coffee after coffee. riding the bus and picking out what next. i went to the lord of the rings and was. i missed calls, and shook with terror for 3 hours. then it ended. post comment

you see that word right above god [15 Jan 2003|03:51pm] .. well, life is good, and i am good, and work is good, and in general, everything is good. but my dog, my dog is great! the holiday at home was wonderful and restful and special and i saw my friends, and met fiances, i got a haircut and was shampooed for over 40 minutes, and loved my friends and was. i had family coming out of my ears by the end but it was still good. i loved the snow and the snow loved me. everything, almost was great! and that was not doesnt even bear mentioning. the flight in was exciting. the cloud was low and sparse as i flew away (yeah, first time in how fucking long there's no cloud?) i saw the mountains of munich on top of the clouds, but couldnt see the munich below, it was like a fairy tale. the airplaine blared charlie browns christmas and it made me giddy. the flight back was more adventurous (read: crappy) than imaginable, and yet i enjoyed every moment. on arrival at terminal tre, there were three people on staff, checking three million people in, yes, three. and it was hot. fast forward an hour and twenty minutes, more people arrive and we get through. we get on the plane and thirty minutes later taxi to the runway. mid safety demo, all lights, all noise, everything extinguishes. okay return to get that looked after. an hour later, they decide the left engine kind of sucks too. get that looked at. two hours. ready to go. half an hour passes. captain says a man has had heart problems, hes been removed, now they have to find his luggage. three hours later, we are putting down the runway. for the worst film ever (though it helped me sleep). arrive three hours late to london heathrow, which is good because ihad a 5 hour stopover. fast fast forward 8, instead of 2 hours. i had been moved to a different flight due to inclement weather in cph. delayed delayed delayed. when the flight that was supposed to leave before mine was cancelled i ran to avoid the crowd at the sas counter. sas sends us to hotels. i wait and wait and wait for the bus, and am squeezed on as the last not supposed to be on the bus person, but it was the same as the summertime bus man, i like him. i got to the hotel and happened to sit immediately where hotel man began to give out keys. i slept in a big comfy bed. i woke early and went to the airport to be greeted by a ginormous sas line. i got in the back, sas lady came and took my ticket printed me a new one and put my bags away, even though everyone else there was in the same situation as i. i got back and my luggage didnt. i waited for hours to make a report. i made my report, and lady gets a message some luggage just came in. mine rolled on by, bulging but intact. and i dragged it home painstakingly. but i did it. on return, i worked 2½ days, drank hours of coffee, booked another trip to london for early feb, and flew back to london for the weekend. it was a wonderful relaxing weekend in london filled with family and curry and biting my tongue. it was so nice to see mike & sheila, and meet the rest, mike & wendy are greattastic, and i find it strange that id only met them 5 months ago. the ties that bond. & the kids are cute. though i do have certain comments on certain things but that is a large factor that ill not get into. things are good. life is shallow. though i am planning trips, a week of going up norway and coming down finland, then through to the baltics and down throubh poland and the czech republic and back up through germany back to cph, then a week in spain to recover, and then fly to belfast and out of dublin with two weeks in between before going home. total cost of transport.. 178 cad.. tax included.. thats cph- london- barcelona- london- belfast ...-dublin- london- cph.. what am i goin g to do with myself.. tonight i go visit claus.. :) claus rocks!! so does corey.. i might be going to lisbon too, next week, god.. i think i am going to cry.. i am happy.. did i mention corey called me harry potter? that kid kicks ass.. i miss val! this weekend is full of exciting things.. i hope they all happen post comment

pink [16 Dec 2002|03:55pm] .. What did you think would happen? I didnt expect that. I didnt realize how unhappy i was, or why it was so. I see it exactly as it is now. And i feel great. I love the world and i love my role in the world. This weekend was the best ever. And i truly, honestly, did nothing, but i was. I feel alive, and i realized, on wednesday, i didnt. I drank gløgg, and ate veg on friday, i wandered and thought and mingled and saw. On saturday i ventured into the thick of it, i laughed, because thats all i could do, at the streets lined with danes who needed only little flags to wave and cotton candy for the largest peacefulprotest march to be turned into an all american 4th of july picnic. I laughed and looked for an angle to photograph it, but there was none. It is burned into my brain. I lost and wandered, and met up with corey, the quintessential little brother figure in my life. we wandered, as we always seem to. aimlessly. ive yet to meet someone with as little aim as i, corey comes close. He has a fabulous camera. We photographed the lounging politi with their frosted tips and manicured hands lounging on the side streets. We jaywalked and tried to find Holmen’s canal. We didnt. We went to christiania and ate stirfry sandwiches, and fed the most beautiful dog ever. I went home and went for drinks for søren. Søren and i called things to a halt and i am glad to have it all nice and tidied up for christmas vacation. On sunday i accidentally obtained pink highlights. It has been so long since i have dyed. it felt great. i bought myself makeup. cracked open a bottle of wine got indian takeaway and listened to music and read. It wasnt any of anything that made it wonderful. i had a great time with corey because i was in a great mood because of the wonderful fantastic positive energy in the air. People who care, breed people who care, without mating. 2 comments|post comment

friday the 13th [13 Dec 2002|04:51pm] .. Today is friday the thirteenth. I sense good things to come. Friday the thirteenths are always fabulous and, as manic as i may sound, i am in the BEST mood today. I am not going to the company christmas party, i will not pay 50kr to listen to more danish. The anarchists and santa clauses are out in full force. And the postman, who stole my stamps, walked in and gave me a big pat on the shoulder. This is the start of a good day. The day is over, and i dont know what happened but ive never been so productive. Okay, so i lie. Not never but i have never on this project accomplished so much and so little at the same time. This is a good thing. I have also banked an hour and a half off of not having an hour and a half deducted from my salary at the end of feb. So. Point being. I think i discovered what helped, what changed, why the world is so different. Okay, apart from that. Yes i was pmsing. I know, you may not, i probably will not even remember, but theres some bigass EU (freudian slip just typed EW) meeting going on here in copenhagen, the worlds leading city in conformity. The city wherein it is illegal to wear a mask of any kind, and if you look at the politi the wrong way you can be arrested for your scarf. The city where the politi shot an unarmed 17 year old dead who robbed a kiosk. The city of the benjamin and so much more fun stuff. And i am excited. The energy i havnt felt in long. To see people FINALLY caring about something other than their goddamned clothing, and toting dead foxes (with heads), dyed obscene colours around their necks. Yes. People eating tofu, which i dont hesitate to say cannot be purchased within this country. People who give a shit about those that havnt. People who speak different languages and know different things. People that are, people that are not danish. Not that i dislike the danish or anything. But my goodness. Tonight i go to christiania, will listen to jazz and feel the energy. Tomorrow, me, my bactine, my camera, and corey, will go and be and exist in this fusion of beliefs and energy. There is bound to be negative energy but fuck them to that. There is so much good so much positive energy so much amition and power for change out there. wow. post comment

[10 Dec 2002|04:29pm] [ mood | drained ] .. so long.. so so long.. too little news, too little contact, too little sunshine, too much wine, too much beer, too little awareness, not enough, never enough.. oh no! i am turning into robert smith! Oh don't you wish.. So it is dark out, it is like midnight, what do you expect, its 4 pm, when the hell do you expect the sun to set.. you couldnt possibly expect it to set at 7pm COULD YOU?? i have been watching the montreal webcams all day.. yearning.. yearning.. yearning.. wanting chez josé coffee, more than anything.. wanting to have him dote! oh to be doted upon! so what is new. not much. i am trying not to complain but the lack of light and sun is beating me down, ripping my insides and putting them in my toes. my feet are numb. my hair is shedding more than it has ever before. yesterday i slept 10 hours.. when i woke, i had that feeling of complete exhaustion i have when i stay up through the night, but stay up through the night in a bad way, that feeling of exhaustion from studying at baskin robbins and dunkin donuts smoking 2 packs of cigarettes and consuming countless extralarge coffees, then writing an exam only to return to dunkin donuts to smoke naother two packs of cigarettes, and consume another litre or so of sludgy coffee and off to the next exam. i have not smoked in 3½ weeks. I miss exam season. I need something to take my mind off of my self pity! I need another bottle of wine. Actually last week i joked about developping an alcohol problem. You decide. I drank kir.. then i dropped the cassis.. i drank wine.. then it ran out.. now i sleep! I am finding every moment returning to montreal more and more tempting.. not that i even appreciated it so as i was there, but each year i fell more and more in love with it. each year i crawled further into my own niche and became more afraid of leaving. every season, i thought yes, montreal is the best in the autumn, no montreal is best in the winter, the spring, the summer.. and again it would return.. and montreal would again be the best in the autumn.. then the winter.. but there was more to see, elsewhere to be.. now i have seen others, other places, i have been there though ive not experienced as i did there.. am i right, are all those people right, is it as fantastic as it seems. could i live my life anywhere else? or is it the people i surrounded myself with whilst there.. so full of postive energy. such giving wonderful kind people. they have all dispersed. they are not in montreal, and as such could montreal still be as it was? i think so. my tummy aches as i watch people jaywalk at 7am at peel and st catherine.. i think of last christmas when i wandered about down st cath to the faubourg, i felt sorry for myself for not the best of reasons and didnt accomplish what should have been. it is as though i squandered my last moments there, when there was so much to do i wallowed. I returned in march, and fell in love with her again.. i didnt have a home, but my chair was there.. i didnt have a purpose but to dance and be with friends. i didnt have much but i was so excited to be there that not being there.. leaving, again, was in my mind an impossibility. should i even bother trying again.. to try another city.. to fail again.. to have people groan and moan as i rave about her.. while i wonder when ill get another good cup of coffee and all that.. how self absorbed my life has become. i have been taken away about all that i care about.. my music my escape my route to nowhere isnt even here to let me out and to say .youre free. jump scream, disturb the neighbours. do as you please, just live your life with purpose and be passionate about .something. is that where my passion has gone.. has it all been forced into a little ball of what was once my life, what one year ago was how i effortlessly lived and breathed everyday .. the past, the past that happened upon itself and has gone the way of the dino. a past i dont necesssarily want to regain, but i want to be there. with them, and him and he and her. will the snow revive, or will i groan about that too.. will it even be there while i am, or will we take planes passing in the afternoon and not see anything of the reality that is winter that is the season that revives more than any other. 8 days today.. 8 days.. ill be at the airport, i hope, and youll be there, and we'll be.. or else ill be spending the night in munich.. either way i'll be south.. so south.. not here home.. or not home.. and that is what it is.. there is so little else to toronto, there is nothing else there that makes it necessary for me to be there, nothing other than history. 24 years, 19 years, 23 summers.. so much less than she gives. toronto is a draining city. but she holds me because she knows me, as i know her. I have come to accept, and i have decided .not. to accept, what i will not tolerate from her and put up with from anyone else i say so, and i have a voice to say so, because i .know. her. i have lived there, simply because i have .been. there, that right has been given to me, and i take it freely. here i meerly exist. I live with my mouth shut and my eyes down. i do not say what i think because that right has yet to be presented to me, and it will never be, not because i was not born here, nor my parents, but my grandparents grandparents were not, so screw you laura! you dont count. do you? she doesnt. not here. head down.. eyes straight ahead.. 8 days.. 8 fucking days. and something will be. where did this anger come from.. i have never been an angry person.. but it coarses.. corsin.. its a corsin.. and you are post comment

paris søren bosnia kir (no not him) [04 Dec 2002|11:58am] .. the decision has been made. i am going to become an alcoholic, because i have no other idea, i cannot fathom, how else to make it through the winter. i will have to be a beer alcoholic because hard likker is too rich for my income. paris was more incredible, more delightful, more wonderful than words can express. i do not intend to gush further. i was invited to join a pretty little french boy in the bushes while the park closed around us. and made friends with a 6'8 fellow who had just left the louvre and bitched about tourists. we walked down the champs d'elysee, it was all dressed up for christmas time. i ate the best sandwiches and drank the best wine. i conversed extensively in french. i went to the louvre, on free day, and fell in love with two paintings and a little drawing expo. i did not venture further. i purchased tights. i walked around the marais at midnight. and marvelled that i was in fact in paris. i was revitalized. copenhagen is becoming dreary and depressing beyond all. it is dark always. it is now 11am, i think the sun has already set. i am so excited to go home. tim hortens coffee costs øre!! and my dog will be good, and my friends will be nice, and people will talk kindly to me. the danish immigration lawyer and i arent dating, but we arent learing french or danish either. he is delightful and a good way to kill some time but that is about as far as it goes or will go, i really like his name though. and he drives me places, in his nice car. not that im a gold digger or anything. last night was productive, i guess that that is the word, i went to the bar. productive. i met a fellow from bosnia. i asked, where are you from, and he said, bosnia. i paused. i would love to go to bosnia. i forgot people actually came from there. i also had another first. i met a prattish irish boy. i didnt know that they existed. he wasnt a total asswipe, but he was a bit of one. cutie boy walked by about half an hour ago, i can still smell him, hes so cute. i am dying to dye my hair. tomorrow i bake cookes and make gløgg, and kir w - lindsay and carrie. i am kind of missing them! itll be a christams PARTY! tonight sørens taking me to dinner. i love his name! post comment

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