| rah |
[27 Apr 2002|08:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead .true love waits. |
] |
hmmm..
today has been kinda eventfull..
grandparents came and picked me up at 11 for lunch. then after that we went to Lowes to look how much grass plugs are for the front yard...but didnt get any..
break now for a sumbliminal message..
anthony2lost: wantr to help me cum?
cuntopia: no
anthony2lost: plz
anthony2lost: i can make u cum too
cuntopia: no
ugh...icky people..
anyways...after lowes we went to matress giant and looked for a bed for grandpa...oh yeah...while we were in lowes we looked at house paints...im going to paint the house =D i have so many things i wanna do this summer. it will be great i hope. I wanna go to Sea World...seriously...someone wanna go to Sea World with me? comeon...
Hmm..
Oh yeah...i might get a cell phone tomorrow..and if not i will within the next week...tis cool..i feel all trend like now.
*yawn*
jeremy went out...dunno when he will be in...hopefully I will still be up but kinda doubt I will =\
oh well..
we'll talk tomorrow..
i might be getting a new journal if this person i asked has a code like i hope they do...this name is so dumb..jeez...
ok..im going...
ta
|
|
| =*=get on the bus=*= |
[26 Apr 2002|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hybrid : if i survive |
] |
Today was...eh...
2 tests...grrr..i got so aggrivated with the work in 3rd hour coach took it from me and said he'd give me credit..heh..i was bitching...
Monday in 1st we have full rehearsal in the auditorium...gah..i don't wanna perform =(
but if i don't i fail the course...which would be dumb...
Ashley(amandas little sister) called me yesterday and asked to go to the movies with her and greg...yeah...no..
I never called her back *shrug*
she's a dumb hoe and I told greg that in school today. hell, everyone did. shes dirty but greg isn't to smart and...whatever.
ewww...anthony shaved his head...he looks so dumb...
totally shaved heads are usually ick...
I don't have anything to do this weekend =\
I kinda wanna do something tomorrow...but I don't really have anyone to hang out with...
I think grandma wants to go to Home Depot tomorrow and get grass plugs at put in...but if i get plans that all can wait until Sunday...it's boring..
Duh Guh Muh
I think I might do a survey...er something...
|
|
| .lies make you dirty. |
[25 Apr 2002|01:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead .true love waits. |
] |
Today was cool...I guess. School was ok. First hour we are in the auditorium...2nd..was crap...3rd I talked coach into playing Jepordy so that was cool....4th...was dumb.
Anyways, I come home and grandmas here. Me and her got in a fight...crappy stuff. She took pop pop to the docoter. He said it was only his back
=D
gave him some pain medicines..yup yup
hmm..
grandmas going out to dinner tonight *shrugs*
blah bleh bluh
oh yes...
a public service anouncment from me to you lovely beings...
|
|
| .silently she sighs |
[24 Apr 2002|10:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
atb .hero |
] |
I didn't go to school today..
for reasons...
Talked to Jeremy most of the morning and afternoon which was nice..
I've also been looking around at digital art online
mistybug
she has some pretty cool stuff....
If anyone knows any sites and/or has any work let me know please?
Hmm..I've also been printing out some of my poems and putting them into a folder. I also made some picture things out of stuff from magazines that came in the mail today...I guess I'm starting a little scrap book thing which is cool I guess. A hobby if nothing else....
I talked to grandma about money issuses with Jeremy
coming down and everything looks like it is going to work out. =D glee. But that doesn't stop him from being the worrying brat he is :P
Hmmm, Neaka stopped by tonight...on her way to an apparent emergency catscan..her doctor says she may need a hysterctamy (i know its no where near being spelt right...) I don't know wheter to believe her or not which is really sad...you should be able to trust people about things like this but I cant with her...shes lied far too many times to me and everyone else...
Bleh...Grandpa has been in bed all day...I mean ALL day...hes only been up for maybe 3 hours all day...which isn't like him at all...he is usually up and about...he says theres something wrong with his back...which scares grandma because its the same kinda pain my mommy was feeling before she died and they found out it wasnt back pain...it was her kidneys failing...i try not to think of it that way...hes just old...hes supposed to get pains....right? =\ either way thought my aunt is calling to get him an appointment with the doctor tomorrow....he will be alright....hes my poppy and he cant go anywhere on me..
I read the article in the Herald on the GLSEN....thats really cool...
Hmm...all for now I suppose...
|
|
| gah! yay! |
[21 Apr 2002|11:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
atb -your not alone- |
] |
eeeeeee!
yes yes yes yes yes
I finalized it with jeremy mom tonight...
he's coming to be with me!
theres a few things that will be a little hard to work through...
but we will...
gah.
life is so wonderful...
...i feel like a little kid with my frist boyfriend
|
|
| .tremble. |
[20 Apr 2002|11:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thirsty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
marc et claude ::tremble:: |
] |
i love this song..
the words remind me of jeremy
...for some reason...
Tremble, you make me feel like trembling
a fantasy world of heaven,
in your eyes, you be cured and make me smile
Tremble, you wanna see me tremble,
a feeling that I'm used to,
make you mine, strong enough to blow my mind...
Tremble, you wanna see me tremble,
a feeling that I'm used to,
make you mine, strong enough to blow my mind...
|
|
| .underneath the starlight. |
[20 Apr 2002|07:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Korn - ball tonuge |
] |
So I went out lastnight to the movies. Me, Amanda, Ashley, Ashley, Steven, Greg, and James ended up going...which is a lot more then I expected but oh well. Kimmy, Katie, Megan, Kevin, and Danny were working so I got to see them and get in free. =D We went to go see Ice Age. It was cute in a dorky way I guess. What I saw of it anyways. We ended up going out to the front during it and Amanda and her sister went..somewhere so I found Lauren and Ang who were there and hung out with them for a while. I called Neaka and she said she had some stuff to do up this way so she would come get me. When she got there we ended up hanging out and talking there for awhile, then Ang and Lauren asked for a ride to Ang's house so we took them. A buncha other stuff happens and next thing I notice Me, Neaka, and somehow Cliff are at the beach...by the pretty rocks that go out into the ocean. It was so pretty, kinda cool outside. I laid on one of the rocks and watched the big boats and then the stars....it was so peaceful and nice...after that Neaka took Cliff home then I came home and talked to Jeremy for a little bit before falling asleep...
I woke up pretty early today. Sat around here. Then went to lunch with the grandparents. Came home, grandma tried to call Marge because she has a new bird cage for my cockatail but she wasn't home so I sat around and played with my birdie for awhile then me and grandma went out to the mall. had to get new shoes. And I did. Vans because I'm trendy like that. They are white and a pretty blue color. I got white shoelaces that have light pink stars on them. They look cool, I just have to wait until Monday for Ali to lace them because I don't know how to. Anyways, on our way out we stopped at Whole Addiction and I got a gauger for my ears and 16g earrings, which are not that big at all. But grandma threw a fit...she still really isn't talking to me but oh well. I can't get the left ball back in the ring and it's making me mad. grr.
Anyways, I'm home for the night, decided to get shoes over the show *shrug* now i'll so waste time doing dumb stuff...
|
|
| =*=a falling star is a star that lost it's love=*= |
[19 Apr 2002|05:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
Hmm...today was weird at school. I felt all out of place. Guess because I haven't been there in a couple days...well basically all week. I got out of taking a test in Algebra at least. We played Jepordy (sp). I was the person that kept score...how cool is that. Anyways...besides that school was boring. We watched 90 minutes ful of slides in 4th hour of my teachers trips around the world. gah that sucked.
So I guess I'm going to the movies with Amanda and Ashley tonight. *shrugs* It's cool seeing as I havent been out in a couple weekends really. Tomorrow night theres a good show (crossbreed, out of body, endo, etc) I just heard about it. I kinda wanna go...Crossbreed is really good and glammy and stuff =D I dunno though...depends on grandma amoung other things...
I'm starting to get in a better all around mood...not feeling so..restricted...but the thing is...i was restricting myself almost. I was like too afraid(?) to do anything because I didn't want people wondering about me or questioning me to death. But those people have basically told me they want me to do stuff more often now..which is cool...i guess
heh...im rambling..i guess i should go find something to eat and then get ready...
|
|
| .kinder .tink |
[19 Apr 2002|01:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
gah...
almost 1:30...
absurd...
my journal is so aweosme now
i love it
perfect
sleepy..
so..sleepy..
jeremy needs to hurry...
|
|
| :wra.p:me.up |
[18 Apr 2002|08:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kosheen ::: .ca.tc.h .yo.u |
] |
Hmmm...I'm home again. I called grandma this morning because there was a note to do so...she asked how I was feeling...I kinda grumbled and she said for me to go back to bed...which proved fruitless seeing as the cartilage in my back is now swollen for some reason. Damn body rebeling against me. So another day alone...woe. And not being able to lay down is going to limit my activites...bleh. I feel like such a burden sometimes...it's not cool.
Anywho...still looking for something to do this weekend...maybe I'll hang out with Kaite...it's been awhile since I've hung out with her...I'll find something to do but sometime before the weekend I have to clean my room...and it's really bad...really bad...and I hate cleaning it...maybe I'll do it today if my back gets better or tomorrow after school or something...I'll find some time to do it...always do.
Bleh...I miss Jeremy..he shouldn't be at school...good thing he gets home early early...i wanna spend alot of my day talking to him...we haven't been talking as much as I wish we could...plus I'm extra needy when my back acts up...always have been. Enough of the complaining I suppose. I am actually in a good mood..just kinda lonely...
.[call it luck].
.[call it faith].
.[call me beautiful to my face].
|
|
| :it leaves me feeling empty: |
[17 Apr 2002|07:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dasboard confessional : this bitter pill |
] |
I love this song...
"Standard Lines" - Dashboard Confessinal
Which of the bold faced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it,
this will be the best for us both in the end.
But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.
Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you.
I've just been so busy.
We'll catch up soon.
Let's make it a point to.
But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.
It will do
I hope it will do
...such a great song.
I'm so lonely right now...dunno why. I want to curl up and be held. I hate feeling needy. This day has really sucked. I feel horrible again. Probably my mental state effecting my physical...or something stupid like that. I wish people some people cared more...and didnt just pretended to...like my grandmother. She acts like she cares that I am sick..heh...she doesn't...but oh well.
SparkledStarz (7:32:54 PM): whatcha doin saturday
PlaySkoolSuicide (7:32:57 PM): nothing
PlaySkoolSuicide (7:32:58 PM): why?
SparkledStarz (7:33:06 PM): wanna get high
PlaySkoolSuicide (7:33:23 PM): not really, no
god...I hate some people...fucking idiots..
|
|
| +maturbationitis+ |
[17 Apr 2002|02:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 geeky |
] |
so I went to the doctors...
He pressed hard on the spots on my face that hurt...mostly around my nose/eye area...it hurt. He gave me two medicines. Something called Ryna which is used to loosen my stuff in my nose up and a penicillin antibiotic i have to take for 10 day. *twirls finger* I'll forget it...like I always do my medicines. I'm forgetful >.< Erg, I'm a lazy bitch that doesn't want to go back to school tomorrow. I like lounging around and i feel a little better after taking my medicine so its all gravy. *blubs off*
|
|
| =*=saving.stars=*= |
[17 Apr 2002|07:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Doug |
] |
Bleh...
I was up and down all last night.
There's really something wrong with my sinus's and come being woken up the 4th time I started crying because they hurt so bad...and all that did was cause more tension in them so that was dumb of me. I'm not going to school...and the doctor opens in a hour so I guess I'm going to go and try to get something to bring down the swollen glands...because they suck really bad.
I guess (if i feel better) I'm going to do something this weekend. Don't know what yet...maybe someone wants to hang out with me *bats eyes* who knows...
I really don't like staying home sometimes...it sounds dumb but...the day goes by so slow and I'm alone most if not all of it and when I don't feel good I dont like being alone....at all.
Poopy.
I guess I'll go take a shower..or get ready...or something...
Gah
|
|
| days go by and still i'll dream of you |
[13 Apr 2002|12:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead .like.spinning.plates. |
] |
What?
What is this?
This isn't right. No. It's not supposed to be like this. No it isn't. What happened? Today was going wonderful...perfect.
First it was Neaka. I talked to her earlier and she was really upset. She's miserable with her situation.
Then...Dani..so many people fuck with her and it's so messed up...she said I helped her from cutting tonight...i really hope i did...
And now...I check my Friends entries..
*sighs*
I am not as close as I should or wish to be to you two ...i know..
but that really got me..hell, made me cry..
alyssa..god, such a beautiful person, even from the few times ive hung out with her...shes funny as hell..witty..and a good person..and it really is ut horrible she's going through this..
kevin..wow, your care and support is really showing and making you as beautiful as ever...
My God...
Why do these things happen? And then with the Heather thing...Amy and Lauren might as well not even remembered what's happened...what's been lost..I sat and read all the notes I've saved that she's written me and dammit I miss her so much.
People are such gentle creatures...and that can work either for or against them....because we are easily molded into other things...dirty...bad things..but also..good...strong ones..
But it's people that go towards being for the worse that really upset me. Just because your a cynical dipshit does not mean you can bring shit on other people...people have feelings and as a human, they should be respected...
*sighs* and I dont mean to sound like everyone deserves a pink lollypop and a pat on the head...but everyone deserves some respect..
what has humanity become? Something that scares the hell out of me, I can assure you..
I love people so much and it's bullshit like what alot of them i know and love are going through that rips at me and hurts me....
I mean...I know my interior is ruined...has been for some while...but I still hold so much love for so many things and people and this is really getting to me..dammit...
and i'm not in ANY way saying I feel sorry for anyone...i dont do that..i know i hate being felt sorry for so i show the same respect as not to say it to others
i <3 you
|
|
| *downloaded.breed* |
[11 Apr 2002|07:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
incubus -miss.you- |
] |
Today was pretty sucky. Until 4th hour. I was so worried all day about my report card and stuff. It sucked. But then I got to class and saw I got 3 B's and a C and felt dumb for worrying all day. Oh well. I came home. Called grandma and let her know. She seemed pleased at least which I can't complain about. I'm actually kinda proud of myself...Last report card had 3 D's and a F, I'd say I did quite a bit better.Go me. Anyways, when grandma got home she said she wanted to take me and grandpa out to dinner so after she watched a movie we went. It was horrible. There were these middle aged loud women that were pissing me off. I gave them really mean looks...they kept lookin at me >.< damn hookers. Laadaadee. Oh yea...Bum Ruckus show Saturday...might go. They are good. Ska ^.^ Ska is fffuunn. But...i got no one to go with =\ which is poo. I haven't done anything in a long while..I'm due to leave the house I suppose...
*wanders off*
|
|
| =*=kiddie=*= |
[10 Apr 2002|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tv... |
] |
It's been days since I've updated...I know I've been missed...not really. But anyways, I haven't been up to much. I had a hour long nose bleed at like 5am this morning. it wasn't much fun. I guess I am finally over this flu cold thing which is good. School has been crap really. Today was alright I guess. Stupid assembly. There actually are some decent looking class rings.
...School seems so different without Heather there...everyone that I hang out with just seems...blah. I mean...Amy will do something really cute and funny and the first thing me and lorn will say is how heather used to do the same kinda stuff....blargh...
I need a life so I have more stuff to write about...heh..
oh yeah..grandma went and bought her friend flowers for her birthday and i put together a really cute arrangment...im proud of it actually..
I need to paint my nails...
|
|
| .heather. |
[06 Apr 2002|10:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
googoodolls .iris. |
] |
I'm so messed up right now. Lastnight I had to take sleeping pills to sleep...now I'm all out of it. As expected. Now...why did I have to take sleeping pills to sleep?..
Yesterday evening Lorn called me around 7....she was really upset so I asked what was wrong. Heather was sent to bording school for 2 years yesterday. Until she's 18...
Even though I haven't known her all that long (2 years) she has been one of the best people in my life. She was so nice to everyone she came in contact with.
I understand and know she will be back. But 2 years at a christan bording school....I just feel like it's going to change her. have a very sick feeling it will.
I was I guess in a state of shock lastnight..I dont know. Now it just hurts. Bad. God...I hate her mother. She did it for no other reason then to get rid of her...I know it. She doesn't care about her.
and...just something that i noticed thats been kinda getting to me.. shes been wanting to hang out all of spring break...and ive been putting it off...and now...yeah...i know i didn't know but it still bothers me...
whatever...i'll go..
|
|
accomplished
giddy
