Praetor Melkor

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Down the rabbit hole.Sep. 4th, 2004 @ 02:48 am
( Blowin' in the Wind Lyrics )

I'm trying to figure out what, about this song, has merited it worthy of the 100's of covers it has received. Young, sophomoric, is it? And yet, to find the value of something, one simply looks at how often it is repeated (not by coercion or manipulation, but by will). It seems that these words, in this combination, have struck a chord.

Maybe these questions, a suing for peace, are universal. Just maybe. Something must be pumping the same blood to all our brains on this one. I just wish I knew what the heart of that something was. Other people have wrote on similar topics and none have been nearly so quoted as Dylan's song.

Curiouser and curiouser.

My fans, redux.Sep. 2nd, 2004 @ 01:05 am
( Commenters )

And they say they're here to help . . .Aug. 31st, 2004 @ 12:49 pm
( Myth of Man the Killer ) Copied, in full, from: Catb.org [Link given to me by [info]gracewanderer] Ironic, huh? We turn to governments for protection and they're the ones who've screwed mankind over the most. That ratio, heavens, is just stunning. 1000 murders committed by governed activity to every one committed by civilians. Perhaps it is time we reconsider our social structure?

http://www.anarchy.org/anarchy/

I was listening to : Show Me The Way - Styx

Aug. 31st, 2004 @ 08:48 am
92e119af62da66b1479deca323dfdc35
http://www.ljmeme.com

Awaken.Aug. 30th, 2004 @ 10:06 am
I have often heard individuals tell me to "do whatever makes you happy" or "to be yourself". These two phrases have invariably come to bother me - both on the same charge: I don't know what makes me "happy" and I don't know what "yourself" is. Also bothersome are the sorts of people who only tell me to be myself when doing so benefits them. But, the moment "being myself" is not beneficial to them, I must most certainly stop.

I have also been told to not think things through so much, usually by the same people who are telling me to be myself. Well, if there's one thing that ~is~ me, it's thinking. So, what conclusion can one reach?

Obviously, those giving this advice really have no idea what they're talking about or else it wouldn't be so contradictory. Thus, one concludes - as always - that introspection is superior to external opinion.

First - happiness. It only comes the moment you stop wanting more. I mean, if you're still trying to grasp more, there's still some discomfort from not having. And, thus, there is not complete happiness. It's funny how people will kick and scream against this - but happiness is really the point at which desire ceases. I really can't see anyone objectively arguing against this view.

Next, be yourself. What the devil is that? No one knows who they are. There are just a bunch of external actions and behaviors - but that doesn't make a person. Or thoughts. Am I my thoughts? I really doubt that. If that were so, all I'd have to do is keep a log of all my thoughts - hand it off to someone and they'd understand me completely. Hardly so, hardly possible. So, it's not - BE - yourself, it's find yourself. But that's futile, too. You're trying to find the undefinable. It is an exercise in aspirin intake, at best.

I have come to the conclusion that free will means only the freedom to stubbornly oppose wisdom. It is "my" choice is the most commonly used argument in defense of pitifully self-destructive actions - like over-indulgence in alcohol and so forth. You never hear anyone arguing for stupidity objectively. "For the good of society, I must consume large amounts of poisons." It's laughable. But when stated subjectively (a grandiose manipulative technique) it is unarguable - unless you want to enter the position of feeling controlling.

However, is it controlling to knock sense into heads? Perhaps not. It is for this reason, at times, I wish there were no such thing as free will. I tire of people who will perpetually put themselves in self-limiting thought patterns and would expect others do the same. At all times, I have wanted to see others grow. Stagnation is ever depressing.

I need the boldness to stand directly up to arguments that amount to nothing. Furthermore, I need to tell people who are full of crap to be silent more often. Oftentimes people speak too many words that are untrue, convincing themselves of lies when they're said enough.

I guess what I'm really tired of is people causing themselves to suffer through pride and stubbornness. I wish I could smash those down a thousand times and crumble the quarries from which they are built. I have a hope for being able to see things through eyes unclouded by "me" as much as possible. I'm flawed and views that my biases have tainted are also flawed. I'll never see the truth so long as there is an "I" involved in views.

What I'll find most stunning is that someone will attempt to argue these universal truths. But mark my words, it'll be a subjective argument. Universal truths cannot be argued against objectively. I stand by this, until further evidence is presented. Not opinion - evidence. I tire of opinion at this point in my life. I have tried finding truth in it and instead have found only a river of babbling voices trying to shout louder than the next.

I've also come to wonder why I put so much stock in the views of people who've yet to find their own happiness. And yet, for a while, those opinions mattered to me. The silence becomes bliss.

"- Spirit (kokoro)" by Yasunori Mitsuda from Xenosaga Ost
I am : impatient
I was listening to : Comments screened today.

Let's bring back the wonder of living . . .Aug. 28th, 2004 @ 09:33 pm
Farnsworth, in the early 1900's, was plowing a field - back and forth. He noticed a pattern to this and began to question the nature of a line going back and forth. "What if," thought he, "a picture could be made in like manner?" He was credited with inventing television . . .

Einstein, riding by some water, kept pace with a wave. Time stands still, in one of those subjective sorts of ways. "What if," he mused, "I could keep pace with a wave of light?" and we see that his mind gives birth to relativity - progress and enlightenment.

An apple fell on a young Newton's head . . . and begat the understanding we have today of Newton's three laws of physics. A simple question, "What made that fall?" began all of these.

Silly questions -
Can I make a picture out of lines?
Can I ride a light wave?
What made an apple fall?

Heck, those are child's questions. Kids wonder things like that, in the realm of fantasy and parents are so quick to dismiss them. Imagine, just for a moment, a world where the parent ENCOURAGES that type of questioning. How many potential Newtons, Einsteins, and Farnsworths has cynicism been suppressing? I'd be willing to bet quite a few.

When the individual asks the question, rather than is forced to learn, (as in public education) suddenly the acquisition of knowledge becomes a delight and a wonder. Einstein once said that "Wonder is the greatest of all emotions, for it lies at the heart of true art and true science." (That's not an exact quote, by the way, but it captures the feel of his words.) Why not encourage perpetual wonder in children? There's always that next idea to grasp, to be enthralled by, to come to love.

Our ready-made meat-market education system is not about teaching people anything; it is about socializing people in a conformist manner. We read books like Fahrenheit 451 in High School and the sad thing is, most people don't realize the irony. School wants us to pretend to know a lot when what we've come to learn is nothing. You learn facts, figures, information. To that, bah! You don't learn how to LOVE learning, how to think. School teaches none of that.

I write this because I'm feeling inspired by a recent conversation that Amanda and I had. I've come to find the idea of independent education through curiosity - a noble one and an ideal worth striving for. If we boil down my flowery language, we get to the real meat of the matter: my own curiosity. Have any of you, especially as parents, ever tried this with your children (namely, provided your kids with the tools to explore their world and answer their own questions - rather than brushed them off as silly)? Or, as children in such a setting - how'd that work for you?

Please, your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
I am : optimistic

Für und Ninny:Aug. 28th, 2004 @ 08:44 am
So, about the Blanket Squirrel. It all started back a year, year-and-a-half, ago . . . when [info]gabfury was showing me some of her artwork. One of the characters she had drawn was of this fuzzy looking blanket-thing that was "trying to kill her". But, it was incredibly cute in a small, evil sort of way. So, I'd bring it up to pester Gab, friendly-like . . .

Anyways, it sort of got beyond Gab and the Blanket Squirrel was known to all my friends. From there "blanket squirrel" just kind of became a greeting for me whenever I was around x3ph. And that's the story of the BS.

We don't know when . . .Aug. 27th, 2004 @ 09:40 pm
. . . the war began, but we do know it was us who dimmed the skies.

I hate Winamp!Aug. 27th, 2004 @ 12:20 am
For one thing, the interface is too small on my screen - high res granted. I can, of course, double the size of things but that's ugly. Another problem is that it is not searchable. That's just lame. Next, it offers WEAK organizational features. When you think about it, MP3 playing is about music - not about skins or visualizers, etc. And being able to ORGANIZE that music is a huge help. Winamp offers nothing in that area.
Note this is a review of XMMS which is exactly like Winamp in UI and functionality.

Anyhow . . . from Slashdot:
An anonymous reader writes "Secunia.com has announced an exploit (derived from xml escaping the Internet zone into IE's local zone) that exploits Winamp's habit of automatically installing skins. Currently all versions of Winamp are affected. Details on the Winamp forums - apparently an exploit is already in the wild, and spreading."

Solution:
Use another product.
I was listening to : http://www.apple.com/itunes/

Woe unto you pathetic amorphous blobs of snow!Aug. 26th, 2004 @ 07:51 am
First day of work was yesterday. The idea of a full-time job kind of scared me, but it really wasn't so bad. Of course, there was a relatively low call volume that day. But, the cubicles are nice - two computers, a desk, drawers to stow your things, an overhead compartment . . . and (eventually) all personally assigned us. Right now, I'm just borrowing other people's cubes since my team lead hasn't given us new hires a permanent place yet.

The job itself is easier than I thought. Just help people get online . . . though that can go a plethora of ways. I'll have to familiarize myself with NT, 98, ME, and 2000. It's little things like "Network Neighborhood" or "My Network Places" that make the call go longer, because you're having to instruct the hotel guest to find either one or the other. Once I get it down which one goes with which Windows, that'll help.

And, unlike Convergys, I can be online! Yaaaaay~. With a low call volume, I don't miss much of what I'd be doing at home - aside from games. So, I'm pleasantly surprised by this job. So far. Maybe it'll get tedious after a while, but I hope not. Thing is, I'm usually always really optimistic about jobs when I get over my initial worry.

We will service you.Aug. 24th, 2004 @ 05:06 pm
Some co-workers and I are tentatively planning on setting up an ISP. However, see the word tentative? We're in the planning stages now. What sorts of information would be useful before acting on this plan?
I have - cost of hardware, cost of leasing telcom lines, cost of hiring programmers or doing onsite support, tech support, et al. There's more factors than just monetary, of course - but that's really the first thing we need to know is how feasible this might be - maybe with an initial support for 25,000 customers or so. Enough, of course, to make this thing profitable - wherever that niche is.

P.S.

Here's an easy way to end warfare. Give all the leaders of various "politically bound entities" clubs. Next put them in an arena. Have them beat each other senseless. It's not like I feel like going around killing other people because they were brainwashed by a corrupt government. Will against will. And, if we're lucky, we can be rid of a good number of politicians, too - whilst getting a really good show. What could be better?

Can't get it out of my head.Aug. 18th, 2004 @ 11:12 pm
I have this less-than-concrete goal which I've set recently. Now, my previous entry was to gain insight as to why people make something. And now, it's time for the experience. The challenge - to express ideas without using words. Concrete or vague. Also, common symbols are words. Like a heart, I can't use that to express love. It's a challenge for helping me understand, maybe, art a little more. I mean what the passion is for it.

From what I heard, I guess philosophy is my equivalent to artistry. It's that release and way I convey my deepest feelings. My soul is verbal, ad nauseum. But, one knows that certain things transcend words. I feel so odd pursuing any of this. Isn't there like some need of passion for this? You ~really~ have to feel what you're doing. And, quite frankly, I feel very few things strongly.

A sense of perpetual injustice in my life. Maybe empathy for the sufferings of closer people. Passions, they're dead. Maybe I can't do this. But I want to know this from all angles - from a viewer and a creator's.

I hate ignorance and moreso in myself.

Everyone . . .Aug. 17th, 2004 @ 05:24 pm
What is the point of artistic creation?

Aug. 15th, 2004 @ 10:43 pm
Hm. Current political situation seems grim and futile.
Discussed grass roots politicking with Amanda, briefly.
Any ideas on what's wrong in today's society and how the government's not doing right? Let's organize . . . or something. I'd write with more inspiration, but I'm kind of feeling down about the prospect of REALLY making a difference. Gah. Stupid status quo. Open to all comments. Thanks. That'll be all.

Also, I'm stressing on the hours of this job. I'm afraid that given that I'll be working four nights of the weekdays, I'll not much see anyone I care about anymore. And I'll be forgotten and lose some really good friends and yeah. I'm tense about this. Why'd I have to make friends with people I'll actually MISS?! Grr.

Does this sound consistent?Aug. 15th, 2004 @ 07:23 am
( Argument for parallel between abortion and suicide. )

When I write, a vast majority of the time, my opinions can be swayed by a clear counter-argument. I feel a reasonable degree of safety in posting this. Perhaps, towards the end, my slippery slope-style argument would fail. But the prior one, about abortions and suicides being of the same logic, firmly holds in my mind. The only way it could be attacked is if there is some motivation other than the avoidance of suffering (including death) for getting one. Consider this an editorial . . . and feel free to yell at me if you disagree, applaud if my words ring true, or correct if my logic does not flow. But above all, I request civility in any responses. This is controversial - and that tends to mean emotions will get involved. I've seen what happens when they are (as victim of them myself) and it tends to be ugly. Please leave them at the door, here.
I am : philosophical

For condescending jerks - >Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 09:53 pm
Okay, this is to Jonathan. You know what? You were a real jerk tonight. I have reasons for the mistrust which I hold. Don't be so dense as to tell me who I should trust or befriend. That is my call, not yours'. Secondly, when you comment on a movie, others have the same right. Don't tell me to shut up for any reason, especially when you're doing the same sort of talking. Hypocrite. Third, you've insulted my lifestyle on numerous occasions. However, I see that you do a lot of the same things. What makes you someone so special as to have any sort of platform to insult me from? Don't answer that. Fourth, I'd like to address the condescending manner in which you handle people. If anyone disagrees with you, it's hellfire and brimstone, and they're a moron. Wrong, and it shows a certain arrogance that is very prevalent throughout your persona.

I'm non-confrontational in person, and I believe you like to exploit this. I think a lot of people do. For instance, I was the only person you seem to have dumped your crap on this evening. I wouldn't have written this if it were more balanced. It was not.

So, for the time being, I regard you as an arrogant hypocrite. I have requested that my family not take calls from you nor will I answer IMs that come from any of your accounts. Lastly, I have removed you from my LJ friends list.

Have a nice evening - and, yes, comments are disabled. I'd rather not hear from you. If anyone was wondering why I left Megan's party early, the honest answer is that I didn't want to abide any longer in your company.

Doubters, skip.Aug. 11th, 2004 @ 06:01 pm
( I feel no love for capitalism, politicians, or copyrights. )

Arbeit macht frei!Aug. 10th, 2004 @ 04:43 pm
w00t! I'm employed again. I'll be doing full time tech support. :> That feels weird to think about. Full-time work has always scared me. Anyhow, the hours will . . . be mostly late night ones. 2 - 10 PM on Monday through Thursday. And 12 - 8 on Sunday.
And that's today's GLORIOUS update.

And then there was sense and order.Aug. 9th, 2004 @ 09:51 pm
I've been working on the greatest mystery of all. What women find attractive. To a lot of women, half-dead men are attractive. We're talking, for example, Edward Scissorshands. Then there's the attraction to people who have no sense of style whatsoever. I call them pop musicians.
Next there's an attraction to . . . I have no idea.
Guys tend to be simple in their desires. Symmetry, certain areas that are . . . of a logical proportion. Hair usually long-ish. It's easy to understand this. Guys make sense.
Women, on the other hand . . . I just have no idea what they want. Maybe it's time to create some quasi-gendered transcendental being to explain this all to me. I, for one, don't get what "the ideal" is.
So, in other words, what do women want!?
And no, this is not inspired by angst. It's my sociological . . . study. Yeah.

Those clients we do not speak of. :>Aug. 5th, 2004 @ 02:13 am
Why is it that every Windows file sharing client has a cluttered, sucktastic UI? I mean every one. They're so bad that they make me literally feel like vomiting. Simple designs are always the best designs. Always. Here's an example of file sharing done right:
( Righteous justice. )

Also, I saw "The Village" with Jonathan tonight. It had a nice ending, with a premise that I feel would break down, in time. Within the context of the movie, however, it holds. It's one of those think-after type films. During it, since it is a horror film (to a degree, but not in the traditional sense) I was jumpy during scenes. Jonathan, as nervous as I was, really helped to give me the whole after-movie jitters. But it was good. It bears watching again, as long as the initial thoughts of "those whom we must not speak of" don't get me jumpy again. :>
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