[

mood

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calm

]

Happy holidays to all and to all a good byte...

[

mood

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tired

]

I have lost a lot of myself as of late and it has been a hard summer. I am going to have better access to the computer so I will put my comments up again. Maybe it will make the load lighter...

[

mood

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contemplative

]

In order to bring up my spirits, I recalled a story from one of the earliest Black History Months that I was exposed to. My teacher in grade school had us read "Not Poor, Just broke" by Dick Gregory. It was a heavy document for grade school but in my present situation, I think I am more intimate with it more than ever in my life. This is probably the closest I have been to complete loss of my future than I have ever been in my life, but it is also the most stimulated toward success and driving myself than I have been in a long time as well...

Strange...

[

mood

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determined

]

I am in my training for a new job and surprised at my adaptability. I also have to remember the importance of why I wanted this job. I have to work in order to get paid and keep a roof over my head, but the main function is to WORK. The job(s) I have now do not pay me much but they free me to try to maintain a High GPA in school. It is a hard choice...I am putting a lot more protein powder in my diet than I ever dreamed to stretch out the food budget and the transportation situation is slowly going to get worse, but I NEED to struggle. I weary of coasting and it is time to become MORE. School, Struggle, and Physical Trials are all parts that have to be overcome. I think it makes things more intersting...I think it make ME more interesting. Just trying to recover from the course my life had taken and recover from poor choices and missed opportunities. Perhaps this will sharpen my edge again...I need something...

[

mood

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thoughtful

]

I was informed by the VA that an order I made of my father's medals years ago had finally come in. With the order I then went through the effort of picking up his flag. Since he was cremated and his ashes scattered, no one bothered to get his flag. The process was a bit of a journey for me. After a long wait, the medals he did get were rather telling. I give allowances for the times he was in the military, but in a 20 year career, he was not recognized for anything. Not one commendation. I was rather taken aback and tempted to send for a copy of his service record. My mother suggested that I 'let sleeping dogs lie' since he was no longer alive to defend it. So, here I am: 20 years of a man's life summed up in 5 medals and a flag...not exactly what one might see in today's military but he was a dental technician in the air force. I seem to remember more of the social things he was known for...even unit and community organizations that he was apart of but nothing that turned into anything of note in an outstanding way.

It is telling...

I will put his flag in a case with his medals and perhaps in my storage is a picture of him sitting at his desk. For such a long time in someone's life to be reduced to these few trinkets seems sad.

I only hope that I can make more of a dent in the world when I go...

[	mood	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	NPR Public Radio	]

Americans embarrass me when they fight about public nudity. Obscene? It is like they had never seen a breast before. The World does not see us as a world leader when we give an accident the credence of political/social force. It reminds me of the use of such reactions to control the masses used by ‘the red scare’, ‘Yellow Journalism’ and George W’s lies to the American people to go to war. I like the way that conservatives are trying to keep people distracted with this in order to stay in power and make the people seem unable to control their lives.

[	mood	|	thoughtful	]
[	music	|	NPR Morning Addition	]

It hurts me...
but I still LOVE winter.

Maybe it is the fashions ;-).

[

mood

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contemplative

]

...to you and yours ;-).