| 09:11am 14/07/2002 | ||||
(Curly M.C.) Ami Chant That's not the beginning of the end That's the return to yourself The return to innocence. Love - Devotion Feeling - Emotion . Love - Devotion Feeling - Emotion . Don't be afraid to be weak Don't be too proud to be strong Just look into your heart my friend That will be the return to yourself The return to innocence . If you want, then start to laugh If you must, then start to cry Be yourself don't hide Just believe in destiny . Don't care what people say Just follow your own way Don't give up and use the chance To return to innocence . That's not the beginning of the end That's the return to yourself The return to innocence . Don't care what people say Follow just your own way Follow just your own way Don't give up, don't give up To return, to return to innocence. If you want then laugh If you must then cry Be yourself don't hide Just believe in destiny. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This song is so beautiful... |
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sleepy| Ahhh...the wonderful 80s | ||||
| 09:05am 14/07/2002 | ||||
I feel hungry it's a hunger That tries to keep a man awake at night Are you the answer I shouldn't wonder When I can feel you whet my appetite With all the power you're releasing It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone Anticipation's running through me Let's find the keys and turn the engine on. I can feel you breathe I can feel your heart beat faster. Take me home tonight I don't want to let you go till you see the light Take me home tonight Listen honey Just like Ronnie sang Be my little baby. I get frightened in all this darkness I get nightmares I hate to sleep alone I need some company a guardian angel To keep me warm when the cold winds blow. I can feel you breathe I can feel your heart beat faster. Take me home tonight I don't want to let you go till you see the light Take me home tonight Listen honey Just like Ronnie sang Be my little baby Be my little baby. Just like Ronnie sang Just like Ronnie sang Be my little baby Be my darling I feel a hunger It's a hunger. (Repeat chorus) |
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okay| hmm... | ||||
| 12:23am 14/07/2002 | ||||
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| 10:42am 13/07/2002 | ||||
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guilty| 09:51am 12/07/2002 | ||||
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disappointed| Not Sure | ||||
| 09:51am 12/07/2002 | ||||
Eric sure did a good job of screwing with my heart, gesh I still can't figure it all out. First you were a dream come true, now you are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I am having a hard time figuring out how Eric of all people changed, especailly in to the person he hates. You want to know why I don't listen to the radio anymore?! Because every damn time that I even push power, one of the songs he used to sing to me comes on. And everytime I hear those songs I feel like crap, more then I did in the first place. Eric promised me that if we ever broke up that he would never treat me like Josh does others....And it turns out he is worse then Josh.....That goes to show you what promises are worth. That goes to show what I am worth to him. Nothing. I know what I need to do, and I know what the right thing to do is. It's just to let him go, and forget him. I shouldn't care about someone who treats me like this. But I also know what I used to love him for...but thats gone that person is gone now. And I can't change it, but I still haven't figured out why I am still hanging on. None this is right. Erics messed up. And I still hold on. =( I need to just do what I know is right. Forget him. Forget everything he was, his smile, his hands, him playing the guitar for me, him saying nothing could ever make him treat me bad, his singing, Him...... I will. I hope. |
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gloomy| Today | ||||
| 02:53pm 11/07/2002 | ||||
But Eric and I went to the lake together today. It was alright. I just wish I did have to care about him like I do. It would make everything a lot easier... |
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stressed| =( | ||||
| 02:41pm 11/07/2002 | ||||
My dream: I woke up. In bed and sat up, I was think "I can't believe it. I know whats going to happen in mine and Erics Relationship, I know that he is going to change somehow. And that it will all be gone. Gone...." Realising this I was determined to talk to Eric about it. I got up out of bed and got dressed. And I couldn't wait to talk to Eric an later then when I could see him. So instead of heading to school, I rode my bike to Erics. Of course he wasn't home he was working but that didn't matter. I waited for him. He got there about 1pm and he was like "woah, why are you here?" And I said "I really needed to see you and talk to you!" "Um..ok, here lets go to your grandmas house," he said. "Fine, Whatever we just need to talk." I said. So he took me to my grandmas house, and we sat out on my grandmas couch swing on her porch to talk. Now me know everything that would happed in the future saw this scene then too. And it didn't seem right. "Eric, You are probably going to think I am crazy." "Why?" "Because of what I know." He laughed and hugged me. "Eric I know what is going to happen to us..." "What do you mean?" "Well, somehow I saw this morning what was going to happen to us. It was so clear." He laughed again and said "Well what happened?" Now he was started to get goofy because he thought I was kidding. "Eric, In about two and a half months you aren't going to be like you are with me now. You will have changed into a totally different person, only caring about yourself, cars, and other girls. You will care less about me then you will how much pleasure you can get out of me. You will leave me alone and helpless with the fact I am totally and utterly lost in love with you and you could care less." With me saying this, Eric was totally offended that I would even think that he would do this to me. "Kelley, how can you think that I would do this to you!? You know that I wouldn't, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me! And I love You." "Eric believe me please! What I tell you is the truth. I am telling you this so maybe you can be aware also. And maybe not change..." And then he was trying to reasure me that he wouldn't change. He kissed me and said, "Kelley you are to wonderful, I could never treat you like that." And I just turned away and said, "I love you Eric." It broke my heart even more that he wouldn't listen, And me bearing the pain that I knew it was going to end, couldn't stop trying to remind him of what I knew. Not realising from the moment I chose not to go to school that morning and everything else I had chose to do that day had already alterd the future. But in a way I didn't expect. One day he had enough, of me not trusting him. He broke up with me because he thought I should trust him. Which I don't blame him for, but for what I knew and nobody else could comprehend. I had to suffer knowing that no matter what happened it was doomed for failure. I was doomed to lose, him that I love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up after that. Realising the doomed relationship. This whole morning now I have been sad and crying. For there is nothing I can do, Nothing at all that could change this or him. He has to know for himself. ...I woke up saying "If not in reality, then why not in dream? Why couldn't him and I have a happy ending in my dreams?! Why.. |
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sad| The hardest thing | ||||
| 09:21pm 09/07/2002 | ||||
Would have to be. With not one bit of your entire being, Did you ever truely love me. I can let you go, And miss ever bit of you. But the hardest part is... You don't even care. I'll be your friend like you ask, And every day I will put on a mask. So you can't see my sharpest pain, The tears that always come my way. The hardest thing, Would have to be. Is I love you, But you don't love me. |
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| Today | ||||
| 12:47am 08/07/2002 | ||||
~happy, mad, sleep, lips, gray shirt, black truck, talking, smiles, guitar, night, mountains, dreams, thong bikinis, giggles, camping, singing...sleeping~ |
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horny| 12:39am 05/07/2002 | |||
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I am grumpy. Tired. Sick. ~Yellow shirt, black truck, guitar, sore feet, bright loud lights, cute kids....~ |
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| hmm... | ||||
| 10:27am 01/07/2002 | ||||
Eric is acting like he used too, he is acting like the Eric I know and love...damn him. He called me four times yesterday and I decided to be nice and return his call and we talked on the phone for 2 hours ... He wanted me to come over to his house yesterday before I went to the lake but I said no. Then last night he kept asking if I could come over today...And I said "sure". I don't know, but I feel that as much as I love him as much as I want him back. If his intentions are more then friends then I will have to say no. Because I don't feel that it would be right to let him back into my life. Or at least let him back in so easily. He took his chance with me and then he threw it away...now he is trying to find it again. He has to realise that he is my friend now. And I love him, but I can't give in to him. Because he has to work if ever wants to even think of being with me. Well, I am going over to his house to hang out with him and his family. And to go swimming, or maybe watch a movie. I hope he is good and respects my space. |
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sore| 09:51am 01/07/2002 | |||
 Romantic Find out what bishonen you are. |
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| 09:28am 01/07/2002 | |||
 The cute bear from the Magic Users Club Find out what secondary animated character you are. |
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| 09:25am 01/07/2002 | |||
 You're the sweetheart of Tiny's World! What Tiny's World character are you?. |
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| 09:17am 01/07/2002 | |||
 Cuteness Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?. |
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| 08:52am 01/07/2002 | |||
 *bounce* What fuzzy creature are you? |
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| 08:49am 01/07/2002 | |||
 Cutest little dragon master. Find out what anime girl you are. |
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| Just like a Pill | ||||
| 07:28pm 24/06/2002 | ||||
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me I think I took too much I'm crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill I haven't moved from the spot where you left me This must be a bad trip All of the other pills, they were different Maybe I should get some help I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill |
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depressed| 10:34am 24/06/2002 | ||||
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tired| redfishy | ||
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