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AAAAAHHHHH GOD! [12 Nov 2001|09:15pm]
mood sad
music silence ~ For the Victims of Flight 587

I have been sick for like a week now, I am not getting any better no matter which or how much medicine I take. I think my bronchitis(spelling!?) is acting up again, every winter never fails, well except when I lived in Cali. It was great there, never sick, I loved it.

I spent about 30-40 hours on our website and I am hoping Kevin likes it as much as he says he does. The Detroit show is this weekend, and Mid-Ohio is the next, so I think we will be going, depending on how much $$$ we make in Detroit.

Today I went to another agency to apply for work. The girl was nice, they had me do tests up the ass including math and grammar, yeah ok, like I passed that! Whatever. I am 30 yrs old from a hick town, where when they hear school they think pool and go to the nearest bar to play.

Anyways. I am not too concerned about finding much of a job just one that will give me minimum $1000 a month. I still can't believe about Culligan. They still haven't provided me with a substantial reason for letting me go. :( I am not happy about that. Totally sucks I won't get my bills paid off now, and there goes my plans to leave in feb debt free. FUCK!

Anyways not much happening otherwise, I am not looking forward to packing and I am not looking forward to the whole move, I just want it done and over with. I want to get there with no worries or hassels.

I slept most of the afternoon, that morning interview took alot out of me. Plus I sleep for shit usually, so if I am home and I am tired, I sleep when the feeling hits me cause if I don't I know I won't sleep at night. So I take it when I can get it. :)

Kevin is at Steve's. I wish he was home, I really wanted to talk to him.

Another plane Crashed today.

I am so affraid it was sabotage. I can't take much more of these planes falling from the sky, 260 people dead. Why is this happening? It is killing me. The news is on at 11pm I will be watching for sure.

I love the US. It is killing me to see this happen and still happening. I just wish they could find that bastard, and kill him. Hopefully if this happens it will scare all others to retreat on any ideas they may have planned for the future.

I really am affraid something bad is coming.

I never stop fearing that. I have friends in NY and in other cities, in other states. I fear for their safety aswell.

I wish this never happened.

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Oh I see I forgot to tell you about when I landed.... [06 Nov 2001|01:56am]
Well I got off the plane finally, after a small delay, and I thought about him waiting for me at the gate, When I finally got to him, I thought he would have a rose for me :) BUT nope.... instead he bought me Lenore (the cute little deadgirl doll) I wanted her for so long. I almost started to cry, I hugged him so tight, I was so happy to see him. I wish I was still there with him, in his loving arms... He is the greatest man I have ever dated, and the best lover I have ever had. I figure if a man can make you cum just by being inside you well he is a man ya just gotta hang on to.

We click so well, and have so much incommon. I hope it never ends I feel like I am living in a fairy tale. I hope I don't prick my finger.....

Nite...
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Well it is late and again no sleepy for me....... [06 Nov 2001|01:46am]
mood tired
music NO PAIN ~ RaKiT

I have no idea other than the fact that I can feel despair on my heels... I am completely in Love for the first time, and everything is going to be fine... or is it... I am so scared, something will happen and I won't be able to be with Kevin.... God! I love him... he is the light of my life. I am so very lucky that he loves me the way he does. It is so great, sometimes I find it hard to believe it is not a dream... he is so good to me. and we are going to make such a good team in everything that we do. I can't wait to start my life with him. I can't wait til we are legally joined, so nothing can keep us apart.

It can't come fast enough for me... but only because I don't want to loose him.

Still no job insite, I can't believe this, I have never not worked! It is insane. I am so greatful that I still have Kevin and I still have Nuria to keep me going in this time of hell.

At least my mom hasn't been too hard on me, that is something I just can't stand. She drives me insane.

Anyways I should get off here, I have spent the night looking at OOAk barbies, trying to get ideas, cause I have naked barbies everywhere screaming Dress & sell me! So I am tired of brainstorming, at least kevin got our supplies ready for Motor city. I can't wait to go, our table is going to ROCK!

Over & out!

zzzzzzz..........

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Honey Here it is...... Remember when I told you, you are my Hero..... [24 Oct 2001|04:33pm]
mood loved
music Hero ~ Enrique Iglesias

I always picture you making love to me, when this plays ...... I picture you saying all this to me...

Enrique Iglesias ~ HERO



Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cryin?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.


And here is the song by Enya that I think we should play in the background at our wedding.... while we are getting married..... The Music is SOOOO pretty! XOXOX

Enya - Only Time


Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

(interlude)

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...

(interlude)

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...

(long interlude)

Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

Who knows?
Only time...

Who knows?
Only time...
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Another one...... [24 Oct 2001|04:18pm]
mood artistic
music This I promise you ~ N'sync

Thank you for making my world such a beautiful place........

'N Sync - This I Promise you



Ohhhhh ohhhhhhhhh

The visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surrounds you
Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call
We're standing here all alone

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till teh day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise yo never
Will you hurt anymore

I give you my word
I give yo my heart
This is the battle we've won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun

Just close your eyes
Each loving day
And I know this feeling won't go away
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Oh I promise you
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Honey I found the words Finally!! [24 Oct 2001|04:02pm]
mood happy
music Drowning ~ BSB

This is one of our songs my Love. Thank you for loving Me....

Backstreet Boys - Drowning


Don't pretend you're sorry
I know you're not
You know you got the power
To make me weak inside
Girl you leave me breathless
But it's okay 'cause
You are my survival
Now hear me say
I can't imagine life
Without your love
Even forever don't seem
Like long enough

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Maybe I'm a drifter
Late at night
'Cause I long for the safety
Of flowing freely
In your arms
I don't need another lover
It's not for me
'Cause only you can save me
Oh can't you see
I can't imagine life
Without your love
And even forever don't seem
Like long enough

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can't resist
'Cause you're the air
That I breathe

Everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
And baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning your love

Baby I can't help it
Keep me drowning
In your love
I keep drowning
In your love
Baby I can't help it
Can't help it no, no

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
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God!!!!! I am so inlove with him..... [22 Oct 2001|02:57pm]
mood anxious
music Dance Desire ~ Haywire

I can't believe how happy I am, there is only 4 days left before I see my love, I have never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be this happy. We talk about our wedding, and our honeymoon, and I don't feel the least bit unsure or scared, usually when a guy would talk about marrying me, I'd be like "yeah whatever" and just play along til I could escape. But not with Kevin. I can't wait, I wish we were getting engaged before christmas and take 6-8 months to plan everything and get married by next halloween..... oh a girl can dream, can't she? I know he will when he is ready, I won't rush him.

I am not sure what or where we are going to do it, but I am sure that if it just happens to be me and him, with some stranger for a witness and the person who will marry us.... I'd be happy. I don't need all the glitz, I just need my ring to be perfect and my dress to be perfect, so that when my perfect man sees me, in all my glory, that he thinks I am the only woman for him and he falls madly inlove with me all over again. He makes everyday like disneyland, and I feel better than I ever have. He is my True Love. I thank god everyday for him.

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I want this for halloween........ [17 Oct 2001|11:22am]
mood flirty
music Head over feet ~ Alanis

I have a great little tutu for it!! Honey you can be Prince charming, since you are my prince charming :X

2 comments| post comment

Ok so I am a fruit Cake! [16 Oct 2001|11:30am]
mood crazy
music Atomic Kittens

Atleast I am passionate, what else do you expect. I'm an artist. I am suppose to be paranoid, depressed and totally fucked up!

What else do you expect from a life of abuse and abandonment?



DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Very High
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate



The only ones I agree with are Dependant (to a point) and Borderline.

I'D PAY MONEY TO SEE ANNETTE'S (SHELLYANGEL) RESULTS!!! She is the text book case of everything.

1 comment| post comment

Feeling Blue Today..... [15 Oct 2001|09:10am]
mood scared
music No body wants to be lonely ~ Ricky & Christine

Well I don't know if i am being paranoid or what, but I can't stand being suspicious or jealous.

But if someone spent most of the night on the internet, and usually sends you two emails, and then you got none..... what would you think? :(

I am scared that I may push him away if I am jealous, but if I just say "FUCK IT!" and not care..... it may seem like I don't love him...... I am so confused, it is so very hard to fight off my jealous monster that lives inside me :(

Oh Girl I need some of your guidance. I can't loose him, he is too important to me.

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This is pointless!! [14 Oct 2001|11:32am]
mood annoyed
music DEAD Silence!!!

You know I am tired and bored of discussing religion with you people. Everyone's beliefs and views are naturally going to be different, based on the shit they had to go through in life.

I spent the first 14 years of my life obeying and praising God in a Catholic Church. I then was rudely awakened by my mother, who did not practice what she preached, and thus ruined my view on life, love, marriage and happiness. Therefore I do NOT believe in the BULLSHIT the Catholic Church spews!

I do however think there is a God, whether or not he is good or bad, has yet enlightened me, although once I take a look back in History and see the tragedy bestowed on us, I think that the God we so look up to and praise takes pride and even finds enjoyment on making us suffer.

That is something I prefer not to be a part of and not to praise. I do however praise the thought of world peace, and take pride in the fact that I am a good person, I don't honestly think I have committed any serious sin that will send me to hell.... If I am wrong then every single one of us is going down, so I hope Satan has made enough room for us all. Cause heaven will be empty and hell will have the party of the millennium! Look for me in a corner booth.

So condemn me if you must, but I know I will die and I am not afraid, I am happy in my life and hope that I and my children will thrive, but as far as devoting my life to something that still has not protected us from such disasters as 9-11.... I must say I am still hesitant.

My views change constantly. As do most people's, because we are "only human", and we cannot live as the bible tells us too. If you were never to sin, then you'd have to be locked up in a straight jacket, on drugs, so even your thoughts couldn't be impure. The bible was written by sinners as it was man who created it, even if it was written in the enlightenment of the Lord.

Sin is all around us. There is nothing to stop it. Therefore, I say if God wants us to be happy why is it we are punished for doing things that cause us happiness, and I agree with Corvus. Why are we being punished for Adam and Eve's fuck ups!? When we are not them and they are not us. Each one of us is unique, yet we are punished as a whole.

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Bothersome people! [11 Oct 2001|02:22pm]
mood loved
music Drowning ~ BSB

Is it just me or is everyone brain washed nowadays!

Whatever!

Wow I had such a great talk today with Kevin, well we always have great talks it's just that with his letters and our talks I am feeling so good and sure about him. Hell I can't wait to get my crap paid off! SO I can go be with him.

I gotta find the pic of that dress.....
Girl I am not sure of a theme, we haven't talked about that yet... but he is very romantic and I know he and I will have something beautiful..... Heck he hasn't even asked me yet.... but i hope he does...... it is too soon yet I think.

He is my dream! In everyway...... he's even opened up new and hidden things in me, just because he is so out going and loves to try new things. We have so much fun together.

I am so inlove with him..... he knows it too.... of course I tell him! hahahaha So that is how he knows, but I think he could feel it even if I never told him.

It is so great! I finally know what it feels like to be inlove!

2 comments| post comment

I dedicate this to my True Love ~ Kevin [10 Oct 2001|09:09am]
mood hopeful
music You sang to Me ~ Marc Anthony

Marc Anthony - You Sang To Me

I just wanted you to comfort me
When I called you late last night you see
I was falling into love
Yes i was crashing into love
Of all the words you said to me
About "Life," "The Truth," and "Being Free"
Yeah you sang to me
Oh how you sang to me
Girl I live for how you make me feel
So I question all this being real
Cause I'm not afraid of love
For the first time Im not afraid to love
This day seems made for you and me
And you should me what life needs to be
Yeah you sang to me
Oh you sang to me

All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
Just to think inside of me
I had no idea how this could be
Now I'm crazy for your love
The words you said just sang to me
And you showed me where I wanna be
You sang to me
Oh you sang to me

All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
Just to think inside of me
I had no idea how this could be
Now I'm crazy for your love
The words you said just sang to me
And you showed me where I wanna be
You sang to me
Oh you sang to me

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Another day of sunshine........... [09 Oct 2001|08:20am]
mood optimistic
music Radio ~ News of the war!

He makes me happy be alive, this is a different feeling for me, usually most guys I have dated make me want to kill myself.

Kevin is so darling to me. We talked abunch of times this weekend. He is so sweet, saturday he drove past the victorian and said to his friend Steve "That is where Michelle and I are going to live and raise our children" Can you believe it!!!
Heeeee llloooovvveeessss meeeee!!! :)

Even though all this distruction and hardship is happening around the world. I am still inlove and happy and I wish everyone could feel as good as I do, maybe there wouldn't be a war.

I am so completly in a state of bliss. He called me twice last night and asked me "why are you so happy?" and I answered "cause I'm just so happy to be your girlfriend, you make me happy" He is so great!

We told each other how we feel and that we want to be together, and that we need each other. So I am hoping... well you know........ soon!

I had an ok time at my mom's for thanksgiving. But holidays aren't too important to me. I'd rather spend them with Kevin, and our kids, so I guess holidays will be more fun once we have our own family.

He's told his family & friends all about me, and they are waiting to meet me. I figure, I am going to be so shy, cause he has me on such a petastal. He loves me. I know it, he is just not ready to admit it...... huh honey? ;)

Girl he loved that you put his name on the photos, and I changed some of the text added to it and stuff. Did you see? He thought it was all so great! Thank you.

Honey I am on yahoo.... waiting for you my love....

ciao 4 now!

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My Monster Match! [07 Oct 2001|06:09pm]
mood mischievous
music TV ~ News about the War!

Angel, there's a Vampire lurking inside of you!

The vampire is your monster match—the dentally endowed child of the night. This Halloween, take a nap during the day so you can make it from dusk 'til dawn. Like the "undead" themselves, you demonstrate eternal youth and an appetite for living that is contagious (no biting necessary).

Vampire

The vampire is your monster match—the dentally endowed child of the night. This Halloween, take a nap during the day so you can make it from dusk 'til dawn. Like the "undead" themselves, you demonstrate eternal youth and an appetite for living that is contagious (no biting necessary). When the sun goes down, you have an uncanny sense of where to be and when to show up.

Even if you decide to strap on the udders and dress as a dairy cow, you still have a certain suave gracefulness that permeates even the silliest of costumes. Lay off the garlic and you'll have no trouble getting that special victim back to your coffin for a little nibble. Pace yourself Vampires, you're going to need to save a little energy for the day after. Dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, but luckily, you can. So don't forget to freshen up a little after your Halloween weekend.

6 comments| post comment

Well The War Has Started!!!!! [07 Oct 2001|06:06pm]
mood morose
music TV ~ News about the War!

I can't believe it, well I can but I don't want to. I wish so very much none of this had happened. I really hope that I am able to get to kevins (for good) before anything really bad happens.

They just closed US air space today, I hope it isn't close at the end of the month.

I HATE THAT FUCKIN' BIN LADEN BASTARD!!!!!!!!

I wish YOu and Kevin would move here, not that you'd be safer but atleast maybe you would be......

Girl I love that bio you made for me but I can't post it :( How do I do it?

1 comment| post comment

Well he is gone.......... 4 now............ [04 Oct 2001|11:46am]
mood crazy
music Hero

He called me about 2 hours ago. He made it to NY state. I am glad, everything seems to be fine for him.

I hope he wants me. I think he does, but I need him to tell me. Well he does in a way...... I don't know, girl I am just so in need of knowing exactly hearing it word for word, might be the only way to convince me. He is just so special, and I fear I don't deserve him. I know I know, you don't have to say it. I know we deserve each other after hiding from our feelings for over a year, it is time to tell and enjoy each other.

Thanks for making me feel better, you always know what to say.

Tomorrow is exactly 3 weeks, before I'll be in his arms again!!!! I can't wait. Girl he is the best boyfriend I've ever had in so many ways.
He rocks my world! BIG TIME!!!!

I just want to love him and make him happy forever. I'm crazy about him

4 comments| post comment

His last night here.......... =( [03 Oct 2001|11:20am]
mood sad
music Sadness ~ Enigma

I am dying inside.....
I am so sad he is leaving....
and I am not going with him.....
I hope he realizes he needs me, cause I need him. I'll see him in October, and novemeber, so at least there is something to be completely happy about.

I wish he could come for christmas.....
but I know he has prior comitments.....
I just want to be with him.

I am so completely happy with him.
He is wonderful to me.
Just a look from him fills
my heart with happiness.

I want to love him forever.
We could be so happy together.
I am so in love with him.....

Girl, I'm so scared.....
I've given him my heart and soul,
I hope he cherishes them.

4 comments| post comment

Oh my god!!!!!!! I had the greatest weekend with Kevin! [02 Oct 2001|10:56am]
mood hopeful
music Rock My World ~ Michael Jackson

First on Thursday, I had to work late like all week, and Kevin came to get me and brought me this purple shinney bag, and I saw it in his hand and I said "What's that?" and he said "A bag" I said, "Kinda looks like there is a present inside" he goes "nah it's just a bag" hahahaha he is so cute!!! So on the little tag he wrote "Michelle, I'm sorry but I just can't stop thinking about you" I just died, he is so incredible to me!!! I open in it and inside is the Josie and the pussy cats CD!!! I was so excited, I had mentioned a couple of times I wanted to get it, and he went out and bought it for me!!!!! I was so surprized :D He is so nice to me!!!!

Friday, I twisted my ankle :( so when we went home, we got mickey d's. Watched a movie and made love!! :D

Saturday, we slept most of the day it was great. Then we rented Unbreakable, went out for awhile, went to eat at Appleby's, it was great!
We came home watched the movie, made love, and I actually had an orgasm with out any manual stimulation, he rocks my world, it was my fist ever, by intercourse. I just burst into tears cause it was so beautiful, I thought for sure I was not a woman who could have one so easily. But Kevin changed that forever, he is the best lover I've ever had! He is so totally amazing!! =O

I pray every night, that I am who he needs in his life, he is so wonderful, I just want to make him him happy forever. *sigh*

Sunday, I got dressed up in goth and we went to the grave yard to take pics, holy shit girl ya gotta see these things!!! he is so brilliant!!! We are gonna make tons of $$$$ :D

Sunday night, the bitch in me sneaked out and I said something that hurt his feelings, I felt so bad, I said I was sorry, I didn't mean it, he forgave me (I hope)and we went to bed.

Monday, I didn't go to work, I didn't sleep a wink and felt miserable, my foot was killing me, and I just wanted to be with him. We went out I got my new lily wig, we went to drop off the pics for developing, and went Outback, we had the best dinner, it is so fun to dine with him. I love it, he is so romantic, and sexy to watch. :D

We went to pick up the pics and bought some frames, and went home to check them out, we put in the cell and picked out our fav pics, he has a few he wants to enlarge for the con, and the card sets. It should be pretty great! I can't wait to go!! :)

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Last Night...... he was so sweet........ [25 Sep 2001|08:31am]
mood rejuvenated
music Radio

Not only does Kevin cook for me, really great dinners, like chicken in wine sauce, but last night he came to get me at work and he had a rose for me :) *SIGH* He is so wonderful, he does so many things that are just so completely romantic. I am so happy that he found me. I am so happy we are together, I couldn't imagine ever being without him.

He is my love. I am falling so hard for him. I told him my feelings the other night, and he seems to be very happy, that I feel that way about him. He is a little reserved still, but he tells me he wants me to move with him, I'd move to the moon if it meant I could spend my life with him. He told me he likes the sound of Michelle Balliet ...... I must admit, it sounds wonderful :) He is wonderful. I feel so lucky to have him as my boyfriend.

I am falling inlove with him more and more everyday.

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