LiveJournal for Lilly. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Sunday, May 5th, 2002

Subject: lost in thoughts Time: 8:11 pm. Mood: thoughtful. Music: Ender Will Save Us All.

Most of this will be me just going on about thoughts I have been having. So if you don't want to read them then just skip over this.... My mind has been going like crazy for the last cupple nights and I don't know why it is like this. I think that I know and then I don't. I don't know if I'm just messing up my life with all of this or what? All i know is that I need to tell this to someone and I don't know how so it will just come out with random words and feelings. Me and Charlie are just I don't know if we are good that is great but I don't know if we are or even where we stand with all of this stuff... I keep thinking about Gil and I don't know why. I want to know so bad. I keep thinking that I'm letting Charlie down and that I'm not a good person to have a relationship with. When we where friends and did not have to worry about hurting each other it was great. We told each other every thing that was on our minds. For some reason he can't he has not the hole time we have been "datting" as every one seems to put it. How do I tell him that something is wrong? How do I tell him all of this with out him thinking that I don't want to be with him. I'm just so lost with all of this stuff. This always happens in the 5th month. Why? I fall away from them and I don't seem to want to be with them. This hole thing that happend with my mom and dad has fuck me up. I never seem to want to stick to a realtionship. I just don't think that I will end up married. I will end up a big fuck up all b/c my mom and dad had to ge divorsed. When will all of it stop? When will I get over this? When am I going to be happy? Will i stope questioning a good thing? I seem to never help anything. I'm just a big ass fuck up when it comes to this shit. Why would anyone care about me so much that they try to keep me around and not push me away? There is only 2 people that want me to be around them. Samie and Heather. That is it. No one more. I could care less about all of this shit. But I say that now and in 5 mins I will change my mind. Just b/c i care about what is in my head. I want it all just to go away for 1 day so that I can reamember a time that I had no stress. There is so much more that I could say. I could go on about this for as long a I do in my mind.(24/7) That would be better for me but every one would not want to read that. so yeah....

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah Time: 4:17 am. Mood: depressed. Music: just my thoughs and people having fun all but me.

i know that it has been the topic of my enterys a lot. but that is how i feel...i'm just so unhappy right know. This current state that i'm in. Ok yeah.... well i'm at krystals and i'm kind of well...i don't know. krystal and crista are on kryatals bed. but i don't know what they are going on about i could care less. I don't feel like i should be here righ know. I just never seem to feel like i belong anywhere. i hope that soon changes. This day has not gone the way i would like i to have gone. there really is nuthing i could do about that. many nights ago i was just sitting in my bed trying find out things but i could not. most of them i need to talk to the people. for one i need to talk to krystal about somethings and i need to talk to charlie. i don't know what is up with me most of the time i really don't care but lattly i have been thinking about death again. i would like to know why i feel this way. most of the time i have someone to bring me back but i don't know if i do this time. This time it is going to be the last. i don't want to have to deal with anything any more. why should i? most people would be better off without me. and as for samie i would vist her when i was an orb. she needs to have me about for a little b/c i don't know if she would make it through it. Well that is all i'm going to say even know i have more to say but i don't know if i would like to put them here. so till later or mabey in like 10 to 15 mins. If i do then i have way to much on my mind. so talk to every one latter. Angela

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah.... Time: 7:09 pm. Mood: aggravated. Music: wild strawberries **** I don't what to think about it****.

well what is new with every one. me i'm just sitting here with Samie. ummm.....yeah if i have one pweson tell me that they want to swim in this pool of mine i will have to kill you. just b/c i don't want people to ues me for the pool. i know it is hot and shit but just think about it if it was your pool and people used you for it. so don't even try. i'm already made b/c i have had one person say they would like to come over and swim and i would like to say i'm pissed. so just get that thought out of you heads. and one more thing............. "Ketchup On My French Fries" Smaies little quote. is this long for you or what...or is there to much blank space? I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah Time: 5:26 pm. Mood: bored. Music: dashboared confessional.

i just got done doing my chores that i was supost to go yesterday. I want to go and get out of here b/c i need to talk to a cupple of people. i don't really know what to say. but i do know that i'm very bored and i'm going to go and fix that soon. so bye bye for know

Comments: 1 i dont care - share your thoughts.

Subject: that really pisses me off.... Time: 5:29 pm. Mood: frustrated.

ok well i was just about to start on my project in the living room with out anyone home and then my dad and bro came home. i really was hopeing to have the house to my self but no... well i guess that i will not be able to talk to charlie about what i needed to tell him. it kind of needs to be with out parents around. but soon i will be ok soon....i hope. well gots to go i need to do something so that mabey i will have the right to be in my room i will make up some shit about how we want to watch a movie or something. so till i get back on. kisses

Comments: 1 i dont care - share your thoughts.

Subject: the blob bob Time: 2:08 pm.

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah.....madness Time: 1:55 pm. Mood: bored.

well...i'm at school and i'm really bored and have finished the assinment so i fingered that i could just type in my journal. i know thta i have not typed in here for a wile but i have been having a hard time with all of this stuff that i have to do for school. today i'm in an off mood for some reason. i need to just get some more food and find a way to get out of my home for a little bit. most of this day is going to be hell..but i will be out of here soon. i have to do some projects when i get home and i'm going to try to get the comperter from my dad. i hope that i can get someone to talk to today. i need to find a way that my dad will leave me alone. well i think that the bell is going to ring here in like 10 mins and i need to go and look at some things... like pages and things like that. i don't know if this will be the last journal entery in like a wile but when i get time i will type back on what is up with me. but most likely most of my friends will know and that is it. that reminds me i have to wright samie b/c she says i did not. and i need to wright chrlie and krystal. so i will go now i think that this is long for anyone to read. kisses

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah Time: 1:39 pm. Mood: bored. Music: dashbored confessional.

well here i am at school and i'm bored out of my mind i have time to just look about but i don't want to it is so boring. i'm not going to go into anything at all b/c i don't want every one here to read this or even know i have a journal so till i get home...if i go home after school i might go with samie to her house or something like that. kisses

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah........... Time: 5:26 pm. Mood: sleepy. Music: leave the bicker.

i want to leave now!!!!!!!!!!! my mom sould be here soon and i really don't want to talk to her she will be going on and on about shit......... i was going to go to charlies but i did not know if he was going to care...he told me that he would call me back and did not this was about 30 mins ago or so... well i'm going to go and walk or something just to get out of here befor my mom gets here..

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: lalalalala Time: 5:20 pm. Mood: amused.

ok well here i am i'm at this place. today at school i was supost to wright an est story but i just put what water shipdown was about. it was funny. well i'm not really used to this computer or the keybored it is very ummm slow......ok well talk to all latter i have to call charlie and stuff like that b/c he can't call here. so....latter

Comments: 1 i dont care - share your thoughts.

Subject: blah blah blah Time: 6:53 pm. Mood: bored.

ok i'm here and still nuthing new has happend. i'm still bored beyond bored and wissh to do shomething....is it just me or is it hot in here. well i'm going to have to find something that will keep my interest for a little and i know what it is......

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: He! He! He! Time: 8:13 pm. Mood: hyper.

i like my pic...it is one of a kind. i know this b/c i made it not grr but the words on it. i'm in a good mood right now i don't know what mood i will be in, in like 5 mins . or so you know mood swings i really don't like them. i really don't have much to say right know and that is the truth. so i will get on latter and tell what is up and what is just plain boring. kisses

Comments: 3 i dont cares - share your thoughts.

Time: 6:39 pm. Mood: amused.

You Are An Elixir!! Take the What Type Of Goth Potion Are You? Quiz! This quiz was created by Kara The kitty loaf shall invade Livejournal! Long Live Kitty Loaf!

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: blah Time: 6:25 pm. Mood: happy. Music: frontier psychiatrist~~~~~~~~~~~~avalanches.

ok well right know im talking to kristal on the phone. it is funny i'm bored out of my mind well i'm just kind of here and in a good mood......wweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ok well i'm going now. kisses to all...........

Comments: share your thoughts.

Subject: i'm not sure what i'm thinking abut i kow i should not...... Time: 9:50 pm. Mood: lonely.

ok well i'm home form charlies and i have bee nore amost and hour or two. when he called i got the idea that he did not want to talk to me at all...i know that i'm supost to have this happy thing glowing around me but i don't know if i can for much longer. i seem to be getting fatter and i don't want to for a cupple of reasons. i just can't right now. this day for me has been getting to be a not good one it was the last free day i had to spend with him and not have to deal with anyone. we never even got to talk about anything. the only time we talk about anything important we could not talk that long b/c samie was there.she left to get somthing to eat and then we talk and when she came back he just kind of did not talk. i don't know what is wrong with me i just seem to get the good ones and then in a cupple of months just act as if i don't care, when i do. i'm so lost right know and i don't want to talk to any one i want to go and sleep or read a book. or even dare i not say what i want to really do. well i'm going to go this is getting long and i know that most of you will read this then say well what is new. so i'm just going to stop. -{the shattered hopes or me}-

Comments: share your thoughts.

Time: 2:02 pm.

it is cute

Comments: share your thoughts.

Time: 12:24 pm.

take the death quiz. and go to mewing.net. laura = great.

Comments: share your thoughts.

LiveJournal for Lilly. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.