[	mood	|	pissed off	]
[	music	|	Minority Report	]

So, what gives you the right to sit there, and badmouth people because of their nationality? You hate when others are proud to be 100%, yet you are. You hate when they flaunt it, but what are you doing when you call me a "mutt" for being 3 different things? Get over yourself. You are such a hypocrite. Suck it up, life sucks, deal with it. Try being happy for once, try just accepting things the way they are. Quit bitching about things. Quit changing who you are for the group you are hanging out with. Or is that even possible for you? Yo uare so cynical, because that is so "hardcore". You would be even more "hardcore" if you knew how to be real. Be yourself. Be a true FRIEND. But i dont think that word is in your vocabulary. Can you prove it to me if it is?












Doubtful.

[	mood	|	bouncy	]
[	music	|	Butt Trumpet- You're Ugly.	]

Sweet ya'll. (haha i said ya'll) . .I am leaving you for a bit. Canada awaits me. I am leaving later today, will be no where near a computer, and i won't be home until the 14th, possibly 15th, depending if i spend that night at my dad's. Who knows.

But with that said. You get pictures. .

( silly Megan )

( Senior Pictures )

Have a nice week everyone!

[

mood

|

annoyed

]

Some people have found my journal. And i feel uncomfortable having them read everything i write. So i decided to make this friends only. So, if you are not listed as one of my friends, and would like to be, so you can read my journal, leave a comment, otherwise. . This is gonna be the last post you can read. . Sorry for the inconvience or whatever. Later All.

Well, now that i am home from school and work. I can write some stuff. . I dont know what i am going to write. . but thats ok.

School sucked today, just like every other day. Missy wanted to buy a Beta Fish so i went with her after school. Then i went to Justin's. We chilled for a little, i picked up the movies i left there, and then i left. . And Justin, thanks, i was 5 minutes late, and written up but its all good. .

I was at work, and went to see when i was going on break, and i found out i was only scedualed till 8, not 8:45 (till close) so i was excited. .

Tomorrow is an early release day from school, it rocks and sucks at the same time. I am out of school by 12:45ish, but i eat lunch at 10. . But you'll have that. . Ok, i am off to . . do something. . Later all.

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	Count the Stars- Better off alone	]

Well today started out sweet. . Got to school, and i was surprised by Lindsey and John. . John walked in carrying a balloon and flowers for me. . How sweet. . he got up all early and didnt have to be at class till 9, but still came. . i felt special. . Lisa got me a cute cuddly teddy bear. . i heart it. . Lindsey got me a Beta fish . . He shall be named Squishy, and he shall be mine. .

Mom got me shirts, socks, and a hair straightener. . I like my hair a lot better now. . At least when its straightened. .

Don wished me a Happy Birthday today, came and sat with me for half of lunch, and called me after school today. I miss him. A lot. . To the point of tears the other day. But its so hard. I can't be with him. He wasnt making me happy anymore. And now i have John treating me like a princess. . I dont know. . i am just tired of being confused, and hurting inside.

All i could think today was. . Don wouldnt have ever done this for my bday (in coming into school and whatnot. . if he didnt go to my school . .. ) But then again, he did when it was the beginning of the relationship. . and thati knew i should give John a chance, but i still miss don so much. . he was my first love. . (dont give me crap about young kids not being able to love. . ) I dont know. .

i like my fishy. . he is pretty. . and looks a lot healthier after getting him out of that gross water. . I hope he likes his new bowl . .and plant. . and snail friend. .

Off to. . try calling Dan W. . havent talked to him in forever. . Later all. .

[

mood

|

crushed

]

I am very not happy right now. Don has had me all confused lately. . and i am tired of this. I want to just, not have to worry about anything. He says he cant be my friend or talk to me, until he is totally over me. . I miss him already. .

He went snowboarding today, and his away message read: "Tuesday's forecast: Snowboarding with lots of Sunshine" . . I hate Sunny. I wish she would burn in hell. . gah. .

I went to get my hair cut today. . I wanted it like Katie Webber on American Idol. . It definatly doesnt look like that. I look like a boy. . again. . for the second time in my life. . I was so nervous about getting this cut. . and i was like. . ok this is a cute, safe cut, Trish can't mess this up. . well she did. . I hate it. .

go here to see her pic: http://idolonfox.com/contestants/katie_webber/index.htm

Time for me to go face my grandpa. i know he has some snide remarks about my hair. . man i wanna go cry. .

This past week has been SO busy. .

Sunday i wourked 9 hours, and because of the superbowl, and the let up in the weather, we were so busy. . it was like christmas again. .John talked Jackie into letting us go to lunch together. . so we went to wendy's, although i got out 15 minutes after his lunch started. . so i felt bad for making him wait. Then after work he left a rose on my windshield. . It was sweet, but after that day, I was so tired. .Then i had to go back to work monday night. .

Tuesday night, Lindsey and i went to the Simple Plan, MxPx, Sugarcult, Motion City Soundtrack show. It was amazing. Lindsey got injured. . a bleedy ear and nose. . and some bruises. . I just got bruises. Stupid little girls kept pushing us. . so Lindsey threw me into them .. it was fun. . We saw a chick fight. .That was fun. . Some jackass was pushing against me, his back to mine, into everyone in front of me. . i elbowed him, bitched at him. . everything i could do. . so i made Lindsey and i get out of the pit area. . I just couldnt take it anymore. . So we were only out for 1/2 of the last set. We has such a good time though. .

Wednesday i had to go to work again. . I was tired, and John worked also. . He gave me 2 roses, to make up for the pretty much dead one he gave me sunday. . It was cute. .

Thursday night, we had all night decorating for this dance. Lindsey and i had to go shopping right after school for last minute items. Then i took a half hour nap, then i went to meet John's mom. She likes me. .thats a good thing. .Then i went to decorating. .7-11:30. Fun times. We left and everything looked great. . then when we got to school the next morning, half of it fell down. Lindsey and i had to keep coming back and fixing things. . I went to get goldfish for the centerpieces during my lunch period. .And Burich got me out of Gym so i could set up for Reception. Thank God ryan helped me. otherwise i would not have finished getting the food out, and making the punch, and fixinf everything that kept falling. I was so upset. Reception was over in 20 minutes and it put so much stress on me to get it perfect. . gah. .

Friday night was the only night i didnt really plan anything. . I went to Caribou with Lisa, cause we havent hung out in forever, then John came to my house and we watched Scream. . This kid never saw any of the screams. . i cant believe him. .

Saturday i had to be at work by 9, then somehow talked my manager into letting me leave at 1, so i got home, looked up hairstyles. .then went to my dad's and painted my nails. . Brittney was late in calling me, so we didnt start my hair until 4:30. . Then i was late getting back to my house for John to pick me up for the dance.

So we went to Lindsey's and took pictures. .and ate dinner, then went to the dance. It was fun. I had a blast, aside from the one bad thing. . I was dancing. . and as i set my foot down .. i had a sharp sensation in the bottom of my foot. . I STEPPED ON A FUCKING EARRING. . The post of the earring went ALL THE WAY into my foot. . I had to pull it out. . and it wasnt coming out easy. . So i found Burich and got a cleansing pad, and bandaids and whatnot . . Then continued to dance. . It still hurts. . and i cant walk on it right. . cause its right on the ball of my foot. . But yea. . i felt like a trooper afterwards.. . John was like "i saw you pulling that out and i was thinking 'the rest of the night may be downhill from here' cause i didnt know how you were gonna react. . any other girl would be crying, and sitting down for the rest of the night. . i couldnt believe you just went right back to dancing. . " i was like. . seriously dude. . have a little faith in me. . i can take pain. . heh. So we got home around midnight, and slept. .

Today was the first day i didnt do a thing. . And i feel bad, the pet store was out of rat pups, cause their frozen supply thawed, and they had to throw them out. . so spot has no food. . i have to go searching tomorrow for some. . Well after writing a really long entry. . off to . . sleep or something. Later All.

[	mood	|	excited	]
[	music	|	Spitalfield- Loved the way she said LA	]

Things have worked out . . kinda. . I asked Don if he would want to go to the dance if there was a chance of us not gettnig back together. He said yes. . so i said, i dont think i am ready for us to get back together. . and he told me that he didnt think he could go to a dance with me, as just friends. . so i assumed we werent going. . So i asked John to go with me, as friends. He said yes. So this should be a fun night. .

Don and i are still talking, and are friendly. . he actually just called me apologizing for being an ass lately. . And told me that he hopes i have fun at this concert tomorrow night. . I am so excited. . Simple Plan, MxPx, Motion City Soundtrack, and Sugarcult. . It should be a blast (i know. . i like "crappy" pop-punk. . so shoot me. .) But the good news is that he and i are still on the friends level. .

This week is going to be crazy. . I worked a 9 hour day yesterday. . it was so busy cause of the superbowl, and the let up in the weather and everything. . We did not have enough girls to work. . so it sucked. . but John and i got to go to lunch together (he talked the lady into letting me go a lil later than i was schedualed). . And we went to Wendy's. . It was fun. . Although work was like it was Christmas all over again. .Tonight i worked, tomorrow i have the concert, which should keep me out late. Wednesday morning, i have to be at school early for a meeting, and i have to work Wednesday night. Thursday, i now have to meet John's mother, so she knows me before he goes to this dance with me, and sees pictures of me looking KINDA like a hoochie. . (not really, my mom even likes my dress, but still .. ) And then i have all night decorating. Friday night is the only night that i have free. And so far, Lindsey G wants me to go to her gymnastics meet, i told Lisa that i would hang out with her, since we havent chilled in so long. . and I was asked to babysit by Michelle and Jim. So who knows whats gonna happen. Saturday i have to be at work by 9, so i will probably wake up around 7:45 so ican shower and whatnot. I get off work at 3, and have an hour to shave and do things like that, before i get my hair and makeup done by Britney at 4. Then, pictures are at 6, and then dinner at Lindsey's, and the dance. After the dance, we may be going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, at the Cedar Lee theater, so we wont be home until 4, at least. . so this is gonna be a fun week, with only one day of recovery (Sunday. . )

Now that i wrote a really long pointless journal entry. . off to call my daddy. Later all.

[	mood	|	distressed	]
[	music	|	K-Ci and JoJo- All my life	]

I am so confused. I lately found out the feelings of one of my friends. . and that changes. . almost everything. I cant hurt so many people. . i cant go through this anymore. I am tired of being the person who has to make all of the descicions. I hope things between Don and i dont work out. . I mean, I love him, but i cant be with him anymore. . and it hurts, cause i know how much it is going to hurt him when i tell him . But he and i have broken up twice within the past week. . and pretty much got back together. I just, cant put him through that again. . I think i am gonna give it the two weeks. . ask if we can go to the dance as just friends. . and stay that way . . but i dont know. . After i tell him all this, he says things to me, that i cant refute. How things can be different, on how we shouldnt be apart, we are too good for each other. . and i cant hurt him, i dont know why. . i always give in. . i dont know how to stop. . help. .

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	Lonestar- Amazed	]

Friday was interesting. BG was fun. The drive there was awesome. . and hour and a half. . averaging 80. . not bad. . the drive home was hell. . The weather was so bad, it took us over 3 hours. . doing MAYBE 50, the entire way home. . The streets were unplowed, and we couldnt see the lanes on the highway. . it was just plain bad. . We spun out after i tried to readjust the car too fast. . across all 4 lanes, did a 180, yea. . fun times. . good thing no one was anywhere near us. . otherwise we woulda been one of the 9 accidents we saw on the way home. .

We went sledding with John and Tom when we got home. It was fun . . but cold. . We wore like 4 shirts, and one pair of pants. . we are stupid girls. . So i decided to put on pajama pants, in john's car. . while he was standing outside the driver's side door, with it open. . me sitting in the passanger seat. . it was interesting, but i think i was slick about it. . We then drove around, and went to Dunkin Donuts. Fun times.

Don and i are screwed up lately. With everything thats been going on, i am so confused. . Last night i thought i was going to break it off, and just end it. . cause i am tired of being confused. I had both of us in tears. . and Don has taken down everything that reminds him of me, in this room car and locker. I couldnt bring myself to take everything down. . We talked today, and decided that we are going to do what our original plan was. Cause, with time and effort, things can be great between us. But i warned him, that if they dont get better, that things will end. . I just, i have too big of feelings for him. . I couldnt deal with it. . Maybe i am a wuss, maybe i am gonna put myself through more shit, that i dont deserve. . i just, i love him. . i cant tell him that there is nothing that we can do. .cause truthfully, there is stuff. . I dont know. . I am so confused, i just wish. . i dont know what i wish. .

My mom pretty much looked at me today, and acted like i was stupid. . she doesnt understand why i agreed to put myself through this. . But i dont know. I cant explain it.. i just cant let go of him. . I dont know. . But dinner time. . later.

[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	K-ci and Jo Jo- All my life	]

Well, Don and i decided to take a break. if things between us are better by Valentines Dance (Feb. 7) Then we will go together, and things will be good. . If not. . then. . we wont. .

He told me he would take me to see texas chainsaw massacre when it went to the dollar theatre. . So we went today. . They carded us, so i couldnt get in. . Damn birthday that is in less than a month. . Durning the movie, don seemed to have to remind himself that we are doing this as "just friends". . even though we ended up kissing, and in the middle of the kiss, he said. . "just friends" . . That made me start to cry. . I dont think i can be just friends with him. Its so hard. I couldnt tell him to stop kissing me. . it felt so right. . when he realized i was crying, he just hugged me, and apologized, and asked if i was ok . . No i am not ok, you ass. . I tell you that we need to go on a break less than a day ago . .and here you are kissing me, like nothing happened . . I dont know. . I see us getting back together soon. . I mean, today i wanted to tell him, i cant be JUST your friend . . I need to be more. . But i couldnt. . We need time. And i dont know. .

He said he didnt even tell him parents yet. . That he was going to wait until after January. . why you ask? His grandparents make those personalized calendars, where you can put your own 12 pictures in, for each month. . Don and I are the picture for January. .

I think i just need to go out and . . do something. . and not think about this. . Considering this is all i have thought about for the past week. .

At least i can eat now. . I feel like i am getting a cold. . but i am not getting nausous from eating anymore. .

Tomorrow should be fun Lindsey G and i are going to BG, to visit college, and Aimee . .I miss Aimee, havent seen her since Thanksgiving. . Its gonna be a nice long drive though. . Considering the weather is supposed to suck ass . . well, fun times i guess. .

Alright, i gotta go change and get to work . . so. . Later. .

[

mood

|

depressed

]

I dont know whats going on. . This weekend was a blast, until Sunday. . .

Don and i had "The Talk". He cant trust me anymore, questioned whether i have cheated on him, and has told me that he doesnt know whats going on between us. He has been mad for the past 2 weeks, and we have fought about the stupidest things so much, that the past 3 weeks, we have fought more than the other 10 months of our relationship. I dont know what to do. I have been in tears the past two days over this. We concluded that if things dont get better, we are going to end it, date other people, and see what happens. He says he misses his friends, and spending time with his cousin, and other shit. he seems to be making excuses up. He told me that the last thing he wants to do is hurt me, and me crying the entire time on the phone with him was killing him, i am scared thats why he doesnt want to tell me what he wants to happen. He claims its my desicion. I dont know . . I dont see a point of us being together if he cant even trust me anymore. I mean, the last time we hung out together was Jan. 8th, his birthday, and thats because i went over his house after school. He doesnt seem to try to make time for me anymore, he doesnt seem to want to make things better. . I just dont know. So yea, megan has been sad the past few days. I hope i can talk to him tonight, and just say that i think we should take a break now, and not wait, and be unhappy together. If he cant trust me, then there is no way we can stay together. . .

I dunno. Its bugging me that just because my guy friends are . . guys. . that this relationship is ending . . . Well, not just because, but thats one of the main reasons. . Ok. . enough of me ranting. . time to eat dinner. . Later.

[

mood

|

weird

]

Today was an odd day. Don and i have recently been arguing over why he wont let me go to the Valentine's Dance stag, with a group of friends. He does not want to go, and i understand that, and dont want to make him go. . but he says that he doesnt want me going "alone" and is going with me. . It kinda got me made, cause he thinks he has to "let" me do soemthing. . i can do what i want to. . he cant really stop me. .

Plus the whole friends with guys things he hasnt gotten over yet. . so that sucks. .

Last night, Lindsey read Sunny's away message, and it read. .. "Rocking with my cock out. IN CALIFORNIA WITH STEVE!!!! January 8th is my favorite day! Happy Birthday to THE HOTTEST BOY EVER!! I love you a bunch-loads!!"

And yes, she was speaking of Don. I hate her. I want her dead. . this chick. . doesnt understand. . i dunno. . she never was on my good side. .

Today sucked. . Shit went down after lunch today. . When i was talking to lindsey after lunch. .don walked by and saw me. . then i waited there a lil, couldnt find him. . steve walked by, and i was talking to him, and asked him if he saw don. .he said no. . so i went with him to look in the cafeteria, and here is don, sitting at his table. .

so i just walked to art. . this was the first day he didnt walk me to art, and with us arguing so much this week. . and that he seemed to be dropping hints that he doesnt want me to go to his bday party (Spiro told him that he wont go if i am there. . and don continued to ask if i was sure i wanted to go, after i told him i would be there after work. . ) and the sunny thing. . i just started crying. . when i walked into art, missy was like "whats wrong? come here. ." and we went in the hall. . so ally walked up and started talking to me, cause she saw me walking to my locker in tears, and hugged me and whatnot. . she wants to beat down sunny. . lol. . then kelly s, bobby v, and dan w stopped and comforted me. . i got to be ok. . then went back into art. .

after the half bell, steve and don came into my art class. . i didnt even look at don. . and didnt talk to him. . cause i thought he had ignored me on purpose. . my teacher saw them, and tried to kick them out. . but they had claimed that they had a pass from walukus to talk to me. . she was like oh? about the problem? .. Megan. . whats wrong? i said its not important. . she was like. . yes it is if you were in tears over it, and now two guys are in here to talk to you. . so i finished painting, steve went back to lunch, and don and i went into the hall to talk. He claims that he wasnt ignorign me. . he went to meet me, and i wasnt there anymore (or he didnt see me) then bought a milk, and went back, and i wasnt there. . he didnt mean to ignore me. . And was like. .why were you crying? and i started again .. i think i made him feel really bad. . but he should. . i dunno. . we kinda cleared things up . .but they may be odd tomorrow too. .

I hate things. . how i think too much. I make things out to be more serious than they are. .I dunno. . thats one of my downfalls. . Well off to study Physics. . If i can bring my B up. . i dont have to take any exams!! whoo hoo!

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	Stereomud- Anything but Jesus	]

Happy New Year you all. I could go and review the past year. . but i am too lazy.

New Years was very uneventful. Don wanted to stay in. . So we stayed at his house for a little while, then went to Missy's house and watched a South Park marathon for two hours. Then we went back to his house to watch the ball drop. Whoo for sparkling grape juice!!

I got to hear lotsa fun stories of friends getting smashed. . Including my brother's friends at my dad's house. . Stupid Grimes felt like challenging my dad to drinking shots. . too bad he got sick. . very very sick. . lol.

I finished shopping for Don's presents for his birthday today. I have another month till our anniversary. . thank god. i hope pajama pants, and colonge is good enough. . .

I had some odd dreams lately, with other guys in them. . Some were a little disturbing on who the guys were (no not you nick. . another guy)I dont feel bad considering don and all, cause he has told me about dreams he has had with other girls in them. . i at least, am nice enough not to tell him. .

Lindsey got a dog. . It is so cute. . a mix between a cocker spaniel and a lab. 7 weeks old. The thing is ADORABLE.

Did i mention that my mom, brother and i are all allergic to this dog that is now living with us?. . i think its insane. I dont think it makes sense that we are living with a dog, that causes us $80 a month on allergy medicine. . .well, i mean, aside from the alternative (putting the dog to sleep). . If we had any other choice, i am sure we would take it, but we dont. .

I gotta go call some people, email a few others. . Later all.

[

mood

|

amused

]

here's a survey to occupy your time.


Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.

100 things about me.
01. I am sensitive.
02. Music is a passion of mine.
03. I love summer.
04. I have 1 brother.
06. I want to succeed.
07. I hope to be a teacher some day.
08. I often wonder what is yet to come.
09. I want to be the best friend I can be.
10. My family is very supportive.
11. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of the past.
12. I am thankful I have someone to love and to love me for my stupid ass self.
13. I want two tattoos.
14. My favorite band is Spitalfield (for the moment).
15. I think people shouldn't see my cry.
16. I'd like to know what people really think of me.
17. I am stubborn.
18. My room semi clean.
19. Without my friends, I would be completely lost.
20. I can be mean sometimes.
21. I try as much as I can to stand up for myself.
22. I am sympathetic.
23. I love loud music with lots of bass.
24. I love all different types of music.
25. I'm not online nearly as much as I used to be.
26. I regret few of things.
27. I listen to pop-punk everyday.
28. I'm usually confident with myself.
29. I had a taco 3 days ago.
30. I think Ed Norton is the best actor ever.
31. I could live off of pizza and mountain dew.
32. I read a lot.
33. I'm nostalgic.
34. I can't sleep past 12.
35. I wear ADIDAS Moves for women.
36. No one person knows all my secrets.
37. New Year's is a great party time for me.
38. I will always love Blink 182.
39. I love to read...anything.
40. I'm lucky.
41. I changed this year. [for the better]
42. I'm a sucker for attention.
43. I think that laughter is indeed the best medicine.
44. My friends are a bunch of goofy kids who will never grow up.
45. I'm going to have a great family one day.
46. I'm happy 75% of the time.
47. I hit up Arabica way too much.
48. I will graduate high school.
49. All I need is love.
50. I want to live by the beach.
51. I'd like to be able to just GO.
52. I like to go fishing with my father.
53. I used to want to be an artist.
54. I like black.
55. I think Pink is a great songwriter.
56. I believe people in general. . suck.
57. My mom has always called me Meg-a-Bucks.
58. I have a slight obsession with photography.
59. I love late night calls.
60. Swimming in the rain is the best.
61. I only depend on myself.
62. I wish I could play the guitar.
63. I have a job.
64. I want to be myself.
65. I hate 98% of the people in my town.
66. I don't like people who pretend.
67. I love summer nights.
68. I judge others too quickly.
69. I like to look good.
70. I hate wearing shoes.
71. I like rock music.
72. My hair looks best red.
73. My dreams are always really weird.
74. I worry about the little things in life.
75. My mom says I'm an goofball.
76. I need to get laid. (what?. . )
77. Social gatherings are rarely fun for me.
78. I like to be organized.
79. I like many punk musicians.
80. I wish I had a car that runs alright, and doesnt make funny noises.
81. My Grandmother is my inspiration.
82. I wish I looked like Sandra Bullock.
83. I love movies from the past or future.
84. Teaching is my probable career.
85. I have a lot of best friends.
86. I think too much.
87. I love the downtowns of cities.
88. I am a giant geek.
89. I think being on time is important.
91. I like to dance around my house when no one's home.
92. I don't ever say the word "nigger".
93. I hope I realize all my potential.
94. I am imaginative.
95. I love staying up all night just to watch the next infomercial.
96. I wouldn't know what to do if I lost the people I love.
97. I think it's okay to cry.
98. I think I am quite impatient.
99. I'm me, and everything and anything I've ever done is me, and if you don't like it, then fuck off.
100. If you are good to me once, I'll never forget it.