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my school is cooler than your school. [january 23 2002|11:53am] homework for the day? 1. reread the great gatsby (for two classes, even!) 2. watch fight club (required) 3. listen to cream and sgt. pepper (for seminar on music of the sixties) yep. 5 found|disappear completely

[january 23 2002|11:43am] argggg. why do bands do this to me? 2/27 - gorky's zygotic mynci 2/28 - the faint 2/27 - 3/1 - the dismemberment plan/death cab for cutie in the area i want to go to more than one of the plan/death cab shows but, sadly, i also really want to see gorky and the faint. well. hm. the faint will come back. chances are, gorky and the plan will not. still. there are 365 days in a year. what is up with all bands coming at the same time? disappear completely

[january 22 2002|5:29pm] i am tyler durden. i could be jarvis cocker. i am fran healy. i dress mostly emo. i am the white rabbit. i am mr. blonde. i am lucas. i am good luck bear. my new years resolution should have been to stop feeling superior to everyone. i am an impatient driver. i am margot tenenbaum. i am the bends. i am rivers cuomo. i am thom yorke. i am a certain percent emo, punk, goth, and whatever else. i am france. i am mini-me. i am many many more things that i have forgotten or not bothered to find out. online tests. hmm. disappear completely

[january 22 2002|12:03am] semi-wonderful weekend in san francisco. upsides and downsides. but it was mostly up. one thing i learned, though, is to never bring kids you only sort of like along to spend seventy-two hours with. because you won't like them at all at the end. but yeah. it was a nice break from it all. i saw some kids i knew from high school and got to relax for a while and have a break from the problems. then, i came back here and had two large confusions/issues thrown in my face. real life coming back. plus, things transpired right before i left that are thus far unresolved because i can't find the person involved. and too much time has lapsed to talk about it, anyway. hmph. home sweet home. disappear completely

they say the future's beginning tonight. [january 18 2002|3:09am] hmm. disappear completely

[january 12 2002|12:26pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | bright eyes - neely o'hara ] mmm. just woke up and enjoying a mug of ginger peach tea. (ambitious) plan for the day? the entire pride and prejudice mini-series. five hours of brilliance. we're even forcing the boys to watch it. it'll be good for them. so today, at least, it seems i will be getting my true love fix. hooray! disappear completely

[january 11 2002|1:25pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | elliott smith - roman candle ] my classes this semester are all fascinating... i'm really looking forward to the semester. there will be a lot of work, but it'll all be interesting, so that's good. today, i had a discussion for my neuroscience class on the workings of the brain. we were addressing the big questions today - is there a soul or are we just a series of chemical reactions, and the age old creationism v. evolution question. what was interesting in the evolution discussion was that we eventually got to the question, is religion obsolete? people would raise their hands to argue that it wasn't... but they'd always precede their argument with, "i'm not religious, but..." today, or at least in my peer groups, it seems that being religious signifies a weakness - people look down on your if you're a staunchly religious person. we've finally reached a place where being religious isn't a necessity, in fact it's more likely to be an impediment in certain areas of your social life. which is very good, in my opinion, because organized religion is just ridiculous anyway. also an interesting point raised: if science can prove that we are controlled by a series of different chemical reactions and nothing more, won't that finally prove christianity or catholicism obsolete because there will no longer be evidence of an eternal soul to go to heaven or hell? i love college. 7 found|disappear completely

[january 10 2002|3:52am] [ music | we laugh indoors - Death Cab For Cutie - The Photo Album ] interesting test of friends tonight as i made them watch welcome to the dollhouse. only one really got it and enjoyed it. hmmm. on one hand it's nice to be surrounded by optimistic people, but on the other... it's hard when they get offended easily. i don't know. people's reactions to that film say a lot about them, i think. 5 found|disappear completely

it varies from season to season, kid [january 08 2002|1:39am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | radiohead - let down ] traded the evergreens for palm trees and the raincoats for tshirts. am i glad to be home? you bet. standing on the beach at midnight with your friends dressed only in a thin sweater is an experience that can't be beat. (although, i will admit, i had some wonderful wonderful experiences in seattle) run-ins with film crews have been occupying my days. yesterday, it took almost an hour to get home from the airport because the freeway was closed for filming. today, campus was taken over (well, a tiny portion right by my dorm) for the filming of 'undeclared.' tonight, however, was the treat. we went to see lord of the rings at the chinese theater and were extremely angry when we got there and it was closed off by a film crew. however, our anger evaporated when we realized that they were filming austin powers 3. hooray! mike myers in a velvet suit and all! the security was being nazi-ish, however, and so we didn't get too close (plus they had it all blocked off). but it was still awesome. back in los angeles. so glad to be home. disappear completely

[january 07 2002|2:06am] finally saw moulin rouge tonight. hated every second of it. it was postmodernism at it's worse - building itself off of previous texts without having anything new or particularly interesting to say. ewan mcgregor, sadly, was a cardbord cutout and nicole kidman basically just looked nice. because it was so highly stylized and so devoid of any real meaning, i had no emotional attachment to the characters, so therefore the central story meant very little to me. and the supposed message? jesus, could they have hit us over the head with it any more? the greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved. yeah, thanks, i could have also learned that from a hallmark card. i suppose the film is both interesting and important because it is such a reflection of the culture we live in today - we can't find out own words so we stive to express ourselves through other works. the main characters of the film can't find meaning in anything but what has already come to be, they have no original thoughts. and, possibly, that redeems the film. i was just extremely disappointed with a film that everyone told me was brilliant and wonderful and... it just wasn't. perhaps i should see it again. however, i think if i had to sit through the obnoxious super-stylization once more i would gouge my eyes out or something. oh well. guess you can't like them all. 1 found|disappear completely

[january 05 2002|11:38pm] well jordana, you have succeeded - i am now a boggle addict. turns out, in a weird weird coincidence, the family had bought boggle that very evening to improve my sister's vocabulary. so, my sisters and i have had boggle championship after boggle championship (and playing with my sisters, i'm actually good!), and today i bought it to spread the boggle love in los angeles. three cheers for boggle! 2 found|disappear completely

when you've seen how big the world is, how can you make do with this? [january 04 2002|1:31am] hrm. conflicting emotions. you see, seattle is a great town. i have a longstanding love affair with seattle - it's so pretty, accessible, and it's actually home. i know my way around, i can't go somewhere without running into someone i know... i hate these things, but deep down, i love them. it's all about belonging somewhere, right? but. this visit, i haven't felt like i've belonged too much. seattle has gotten me down, with there never being anything to do. i've miss los angeles, i've missed my life there. i sort of feel like this town's done for me. the past week of my break has been utterly fantastic. i've seen everyone i love here, i've stopped being antisocial, and there have been some great times. tonight was a good good night - jordana and i consumed grandaddy bubble tea, then played boggle (i was a boggle virgin! i'm afraid i am a convert now!) at emily's house with karisa and a bunch of kids i'd never met, but liked. good times indeed. and nights like tonight make me wonder why i'm looking forward to sunday so much. diagnosis? this break has been great, seattle has been great... but it's time to go home. will i return for the summer? it's looking doubtful. but we'll see. a lot can change in five months. disappear completely

[january 02 2002|3:49pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | dashboard confessional - the best deceptions ] for about six years of my life, i obsessively chronicled my daily angst in paper journals. sometime at the end of senior year, i stopped. i don't really have a reason why, and i regret stopping, but i think that i was too busy and i had zillions of thoughts i wasn't ready to really put down in print. i have about ten of these journals, all filled completely with small writing and pictures cut from magazines. they range from the embarrassing (sixth and seventh grade... i mean, i was eleven and twelve!) to the heartbreaking (junior year, for instance). i've spent most of last night and today reliving the formative high school years (soph thru senior). it's interesting to read about the stupid crushes i'd forgotten about, the thousands of minidramas that were so important, and just the everyday events that had just completely slipped my mind. what is the most interesting about these journals, though, is comparing my self-edited view of my history with these, which are the hard facts. things i conveniently forgot, or remembered differently, have been made clear - and i've actually realized a lot about myself and my friends. i have enough distance on everything now to really understand things, these days. and so i have one more resolution. to start a journal on paper again. it'll be hard to force myself to do, but after a while i'll start to rely on it again... and it'll be the best record i'll have of college. disappear completely

[january 01 2002|2:10am] ...and it's been a long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last i can't remember all the times i've tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass ( new years resolutions. because, you know, you've gotta ) disappear completely

to reiterate... [december 31 2001|12:18am] seattle is THE SMALLEST TOWN IN THE WORLD. 4 found|disappear completely

i put on my overcoat and walked into winter, my teeth chattered rhythms [december 30 2001|1:47am] walking home at 1:30 in the morning. the frost making patterns on the grass and car windows. i haven't seen frost since last winter, and i haven't felt as safe walking around in the middle of the night since august. coming from a party full of people that, through time and distance, i'd forgotten how much i loved. three days ago i couldn't wait to get out of seattle. now, i think that there are enough reasons to hang around the next week. i'm happy i have it. this, however, doesn't change the fact that i am probably not returning to the pacific northwest in the summer. i might not see the snowcapped cascades and olympics for a long time after this. i'm savoring the mountains as much as i can. 3 found|disappear completely

[december 27 2001|2:20am] ( a survey. because i am bored and not tired. ) 2 found|disappear completely

[december 25 2001|12:14am] watched "home alone" tonight with the fam, which i hadn't seen since i was about ten. i was struck by how incredibly little macauly culkin is in the film, and yet when i first saw it he seemed so old. goddam i have grown up. also, the older pete from the adventures of pete & pete was in it as one of kevin's siblings! hooray! merry christmas etc. 3 found|disappear completely

[december 22 2001|6:41pm] stolen from a number of people... Poll #14044: recommend me... Open to: all, results viewable to: all a movie View Answers a book View Answers an album View Answers a livejournal that's not on my friends list View Answers a website View Answers thank you! disappear completely

[december 22 2001|1:12am] saw "the royal tenenbaums" tonight with jordana. why we never hung out in high school is a complete mystery to me nowadays. we found melona in bubble tea and the movie was great as well. good good times all around. and we still haven't made radiohead curry! yesterday night i saw "ghost world" which was absolutely brilliant... i thought they did a really good job with capturing exactly what it's like to graduate from high school and have to move on... plus it was decidedly misanthropic, which is always good. before that, i relived old times at ihop with sylvia. we each drank an embarrassing number of cups of coffee and got mad ihop food (haha. i laugh at myself so you don't have to) and i almost stole a mug but chickened out at the last minute. there were like two other people in the entire restaurant. maria hernandez was sadly missing as well. wednesday... "lord of the rings." but that's an already tired subject. tomorrow: (hopefully) lunch at my favorite chinese joint with some kids i've known pretty much my entire life. then, i feel like i should see a movie just to keep the pattern going. it's weird to not have any responsibility and to be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want. i'm a big fan. disappear completely

[december 17 2001|11:42pm] i am home. back among the evergreens, with the crisp air. here, you actually feel like breathing in might be good for you, rather than in LA, where it's just a necessity. my days are filling up quickly, it's almost like i've never been away. crazy. there are so many people to see and so many things i want to do. thanksgiving i was back for three days, now i'm back for three weeks. it's not such a whirlwind this time around, thank god. give me a call or drop me a line if you want to hang out! if you read this, chances are i'd really like to see you. xo! disappear completely

free at last! [december 13 2001|9:48am] [ mood | relieved ] finished my last final this morning and now free from the shackles that bound me. it was a dismal failure, but really, does it matter now? my other two were amazing successes; it is only natural to have one suck immensely. so i am done with the semester, which is a wonderful feeling, although it hasn't quite sunk in yet. i'm not going to be home until monday, which is absolutely fine with me. three weeks at home is going to be enough to kill me, it really is. i am looking forward to going home (and seeing seattle) again, but oh god my parents are going to drive me insane. so, give me a ring, seattle buddies, if you're home for christmas and want to hang out. we'll have a grand old time. and now... sleep. because i haven't done any of that in the past week. disappear completely

where do we go from here? [december 11 2001|2:02am] the words are coming out all weird... where are you now when.i.need.you? disappear completely

[december 10 2001|8:37pm] there's something incredibly lonely in not getting replies to emails you sent days ago from people you know check their email every day. disappear completely

[december 09 2001|7:53pm] i'm so tired of melodrama and yet my life seems to be punctuated by it. i find myself suddenly faced with rather grownup social problems. it's a strange feeling, to find that i myself have become a cliche of sorts. it's also sort of reassuring, to know that i am following some sort of pattern of normalcy. there's a huge lightning storm and it's exciting. i love lightning. it makes me feel alive (as silly as that sounds). 1 found|disappear completely

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