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Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002
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3:18 pm
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Rob is taking me to the Greenday concert April 21st. I'm all jazzed. I haven't been writting in this one alot, I use alettertoelise as my main journal. Well see you later kiddos.
-kathryn
current mood:  apathetic
current music: Greenday-good ridance
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 13th, 2001
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1:09 pm
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12:10 pm
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I went to a saves the day show last night
they played holly hox forget me nots
and i got a kid's number.
EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: mxpx- dolores
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| Friday, August 24th, 2001
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10:02 am - ode to her
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i called my friend up today
Just to tell her she was beautiful
beacause i know she is neglected from attention
but shes beautiful
and i love her.
We listened to the ramones on her grandmothers living room floor
and she bubbily babled on about mexico, and the braids that she longed to turn into dreads.
So she continues on, and she speaks so softly and touches her lip and her light mocha skin
and we are trapped together in the moment.
She made me dinner, happily
and touched my head when i cried
and asked if i was cold, or if i needed anything
asked if i wanted to listen to the music i wanted to
Sometimes we even cried together.
I came home to her house, and her mom who was round with delight
and her boosom reaked motherhood and her eyes shinned through her hispanic accent
and we laughed together, and watched hispanic soap operas together
When i came home, christina was there,
with a neclace that said my name on a grain of rice
I had lost my reason for living and thats what made me fight,
i strolled by my old home that they turned into a house
with blank walls
recalling how we sat amongst fast food and our eyes gleamed joyfully
my father and I
as we glanced corner to corner, and we
could only imagine this place and what it would come to
and how we would leave this place on good terms,
northern bound for star filled nights
But it ended in the afternoon
and hemingway could not of written such a epic
to make you rip out the pages of life
and cruble them and toss em in the waste basket
So i will write like i will never get published
and live like i will never live again
But her memory still cascades and slowly cataracts my eye to life
and we will never be children again christina.
But your beautiful
and i will cherish our friendship till the tides echo softly away
along with my poetic soul.
current mood:  calm
current music: the soft blare of snow on the televison
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| Saturday, August 11th, 2001
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5:34 pm - ahhhhh
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Well its like 430, woke up maybe a hour and a half ago. i talked to some skin guy for like 8 hours staright last night on aim. Fun fun.
I managed to piss evan off, which is a hard task to do. I compared him to the j word. Boy he was mad. maybe things will get better maybe not.
All of sociopathetic hates me. I said their music sucked and i pissed off their gfs. I actually do like the music, i was just livid.
I got a letter from Karli a couple days ago. she say shes with joe. what do i do? I mean, fuck, what if you know?
"Joes dead and i killed him"
-- phildo
current mood:  crushed
current music: exploited--sex and violence
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| Friday, August 10th, 2001
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9:18 pm - its a beautiful day in the neighborhood
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my mom teh cunt rag
oh mom did i ever tell you what a cunt rag you are?
and how your not even fit
to lick a goat clit
your ugly saggy tits
My mom the ugly haired hag
her eyes underlined with bags
oh how her fat uglty boobs sag
and how she acts like shes on the rag
I hate you you fucking piece of ass eating cunt rag whore
i hope you st out on the sun tied to a cross
and your body becomes beef jerky
Your ugly feckles and fat lard face you mean gross greedy whore
You fat ugly piece of stupid fuck
You deserve domestic abuse
you stupid alcoholic bitch
You whore fucking nimrod hippie
You moronic money spending like water gonherea infested whore
You cop fucking pig blood tasting whore
I hope you die in teh gutter unmerciful fly infested carcas roting slowly away in the summer heat
let the street sweaper come on shred up your body I dont give a fuck about you you stupid whore
you back stabbing piece of fuck
you stupid bitch whore
die bitch die
current mood: happy
current music: id love you to love me
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| Sunday, July 8th, 2001
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5:50 pm
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tender tortured poet
with doe eyes
The one who revels in sweaters and broken half smoked ciggerates.
Her hair smells like rain, smeared eyeliner,
The worlds a carousel, looking for that one to hold me up high
and never let me down.
But you see your only a pawn,
i want too much
Its out of touch,
So i will return home with empty pockets
and no orange bracelets and no words to read like the bible.
Don't believe in things that exist,
trying to bleach the things he does reminise,
Together we'd go down alone in the basement
Loving him like i was a replacement
Shy boy with a soft chin and full mouth
razor blade eyes that crucify the sun
Loneliness bleeding insecurity finding comfort in teh corner.
heroin sheek god tears of black ink,
Purified sun, the beats in his heart like flames nourishing a bomb.
Love like a addiction he becomes dependent on these feelings,
Amputated fingers caressing the moon in my womb,
ending words like scripture read i love you allways ending the mingle of words.
let me erase that pain, better myself to fill in her shoes, overflow them even more hurt you never.
Fall into my trance, the soft one, with organs that smash like rancid fruit so softly
Beautiful train wreck, heart that palputates blue blood.
these words just bable on in the matrix of my imagery.
No more questions he says, but the rattle in my mind like a broken marracca.
Stab me with your love, skin me with your knife, lick the blood from off my hands
Saintly smile with broken teeth, nimble fingers count to three,
Tear stained letters , things he use to make me feel
Three sentenced keeping in touch, I erased him for you.
If i demise, im your living sacrifice, atleats a casualty that never goes un-named
Don't ask me if somethings wrong I'll reply everthyings fine and okay
beacause if you asked me why, i wouldn't know what to say.
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| Thursday, July 5th, 2001
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9:40 pm
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I can't have what i want and it makes me ill
Denied your amourus affection, severed to feel,
I came with pouring emotion an intent of good will
Im a anorexic ethiopiam and love is the meal.
You salvage me from the darkness and nourish me with light,
Last night i had a dream you were here and emotions were justifyed,
But those things will never happend. so in secreat i'm allowed to cry
When you said those things you fucking lied
Like a cubism painting i feel obtuse
So once again i will wander in with out a muse
caught in between something symetrical and something he can touch
I have over compensated for these feelings and felt way too much
Turn the friendly cheek tears condesnsending in her eyes
Slaughtering the emotions wishing for tenderness
Her heart is lonely tonight pumped up with depresant sighs
Cut off this emotion to the minimalistic feel of more is less
Excuse me but do you have a emotion to lend?
Its a pitty to love your plutonic friend.
current mood:  sore
current music: blink 182- the girl at the cock show
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7:49 pm - when i walk in corwded rooms i feel as if it is my doom, i feel like i don't belong
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I was just drawing a fetus in my book, it was lookin pretty cool. Im waiting for my nemesis george to come on line so we can talk more about how we are so much alike and blah blah blah. I'm so bored, I am finding out that friends are liars and im hating them and yeah. Two face. I was so dainty to richard, but it looks like hes too pre occupied with alot of stuff, like mariley. Oh wait *looks around* hey im in the same exact place i was last year. This is getting annoying. Im starting to get really annoyed very easily, at people and lust. The only one who hasn't proven me wrong is christina and veronia. I really like her, even if my mom bad mouths her. I know alot of people say shes a whore and shes a druggie, but if they took the time to really know her, then they would see that shes a really noce person and pretty too. I remember when i was on acid i bad mouthed her, and i felt really retarded. I really like ronni she is a great person.
thats it, that weird guy from maryland is on and i want to get the fuck off so he can just leave me alone. later/
current mood:  blah
current music: greenday--- the disapearing boy
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| Wednesday, July 4th, 2001
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11:21 am
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okay. Well i haven't written in a long long time. I just have been busy with stuff. I guess thats the best way to put it. I still get emails from joe, i got one yesterday, yay me. Still no calls from the jobs that i applied for. This angers me and offends me, a great deal. This is not cool or good. I need a job like a crack head needs a hit. This fucking guy kept annoying me so i left. Hes telling me he loves me, but we've never met and he keeps telling me how hes going to come down from maryland to see me. good thing he doesn't have my address. lame-o. anyways im feelin bored. i'll go sleep some more, or take a shower or something, try and look decent today. im glad i have today off, sumemr school is so arghhh ya know? anwyays i'll write latter
current mood:  bitchy
current music: destinys child-- bootylicous ( its on tv ok?)
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| Sunday, July 1st, 2001
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11:20 pm - I've finally figured out that we are only friends,
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Its so hard, why do all the cute punk rock boys have to be taken????
I love you billie joe...
current mood: jealous
current music: greenday----going to pasaquala
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 30th, 2001
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3:50 pm - Oatmeal is good..
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Well its another lazy day for me, i haven't been writting much, since i have a new private journal and i have been feeling overwhelmed. yesterday i went to summer school when i didn't want to, but you know going made me feel like i was accomplishing something which i was. and it made the fun times ever more better. no word from joe, i have been exxtra busy, art etc. well i'm going to go.
current mood: chipper
current music: greenday --- going to pasaquala
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| Thursday, June 28th, 2001
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3:02 pm - So when are my problems going to end? IM understanding now that we are only friends.
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I called lucas up last night and cursed him all to hell, and made him feel like a piece of worthless crap ( which he is ). It felt so good. You have no idea, after that i felt like conquering the world. I went for a run, and agnostic front beat in my mind. It felt so good. Ahhh my frustration just cmae out on to him. But alas im not done, i feel like beating him up some more. and some more, and then some more, and then some more, it feels good to make people feel like trash. It feels so fucking good! Fuck masterbating! Screw bungee jumping of other adrenilne pumping things, tell someone to fuck off and die, and it feels so god damn good. I yelled at my mom, i yelled at lucas, i let joe have it, it feels good, it feels damn good.
And you know what im going to go in my kitchen and listen to old school greenday, and dance, and be happy, and crochet another way cool bag.
yay me!
current mood:  devious
current music: greenday ---- going to pasquala
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| Monday, June 25th, 2001
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8:33 pm
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These insidious games, only circumvent the pulp of this trance...
With pious attributes,but captivated by Ahriman and seductivley danced,
Incaptured by coveting, living endlessly with no consequnce or so we thought--
His thin bedside manners that led to the deciet of purity.
Theres a bath tub of ink water rosaries that carressed her ankle,
fresh tulips arranged in aesthetic display
Use warm water and plenty of bar soap to wash away the sins.
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| Sunday, June 24th, 2001
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12:51 am
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I have been in a writting craze. I think its something to subside my depression. Im looking for good literature, something that seems intresting, poetic, and talks about city life, and is filled with really good imagery, but it has to be suvtle and can not over write anything that i do. See if i read something and i reallt like it, it attaches itself to me, and i write copy poems about it, but since i am in need of good terms, i think i ought to find something intresting to read. Rome intrests me, civilization, greek gods, myths, etc. brb i have to go potty.
I was just thinking about, the faithless angel.
I have a new book, its a compostion book mirror image to the kid's in the basket ball diaries. I think Leonardo dicaprio played the guy and the guys name was jack london, i could be wrong *perplexed face*
I seemed to have pissed joe off, for the reason that i did call him but he was busy. Damn it all to hell, doesn't he know it costs good fucking money to call him? What the hell! anyways, i will keep myself occupied and try not to reflect on how shitty that deal was....
Im feeling like my dad, i dunno why. I'm thinking more like him, im finding my escpae from my mom through beer, i feel proud wheni hear a rolling stones song, and my gut sticks out, i recall how he told me he wants to kep me a big kid when i was growing up beacaue all the other kids looked so skinny and malnurished. I love my daddy, I miss him.
thats all for now. night ;)
current mood:  geeky
current music: SNL --- its that time of night
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| Saturday, June 23rd, 2001
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12:44 pm
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Well its saturday morning, i made it in one piece. My mother got her hair done, its looks so ---- ugly. I wish i had the words to describe the way it looks, it just looks so god damn ugly, like her.
Myabe my feelings of bitterness attribute to the way i was treated last night, how my mother walked infront of us beacause she was soo much better then me, or the way she played faveoritism to my sister and her friend Sabrina.
I am just realizing that i am not part of this family, so i am excluding myself, i am the disapearing girl.....
current mood: hopeful
current music: Green Day -- i am the disapearing boy
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12:50 am - NOFX~~!!
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Liza and Louise
liza's had enough of men she says, she won't get burned again
she says, they don't know how to fuck her last boyfriend, the shmuck
shared with her a nice disease kept her passive, on her knees 'til
one day she took his car and drove it to the city liza had put down
a few when she met this girl named lou who convinced her to go
home with her she said, "my name's louise now will you take your
clothes off please? I want to take you to the moon and back so get
on your back." with a flick of the tongue she made her scream she
made her laugh she made her dance she was happy for the first time
and you know she wanted more now with her legs spread wider she
needed to have louise inside her she said, "I'll never forget the first
time you kissed me, now I want you to fist me." louise didn't need a
second invitation she knew just what to do she knew just what to do
liza had cum a few times before but she had never even seen the door
into the world of pleasures of the flesh she felt just like 16 and her life
before now was a dream or even a nightmare thats over and done just
like warm healing rays shining from the sun
current mood: horny
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12:40 am - P.S.- I don't give a fuck how much guys like it-- I LIKE GIRLS!
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I know this is a sin to feel this way, but let me tell you, i , i, I just can't contain myself.
I hung out with roni today, at first it was casual shopping, and whatever, but then i really started to notice, how much love and affection I had, not only for her, but for girls. I was easily tempted but suddenly subsided by the feeling that she would never feel the same, because she had others, who look better then me, beacause i dunno, god i wanted to kiss her and hold her. Nothing sexual though. I love her, no i lust her, no fuck!
current mood:  anxious
current music: nofx ( see next entry)
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| Friday, June 22nd, 2001
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1:23 pm
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My heart gracefully demises into the pit of soft glucose flesh
LOVE?
ouchy it hurts, theres nothing i can do anymore
except for this cut LOVE?
current mood:  nauseated
current music: descendents -- catalina
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12:33 am
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Life After bed.......
current mood: blah
current music: descendents
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