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APR

Down For the Count

So it turns out that Don't Count Us Out, a "grassroots" organization which objected to a change in Nielsen's audience measurement techniques because of its potential for undercounting minority viewers, was actually masterminded by the Glover Park Group, former Clinton spokesperson Joe Lockhart's lobbying firm. You'd think that Hannity and O'Reilly would be all over this one, but according to the Fox-watchers at News Hounds, that hasn't been the case. Does Hannity's and O'Reilly's indifference have anything to do with the fact that it was their boss that hired the Glover Park Group to create the front group? — GREG BEATO

"Don't Count Us Out" -- NewsCorp's Phony "Grassroots" Org [News Hounds]

World's Wildest Presser Predictions

After a week of man-handing and Splash Day queries, blogger Jed H. thinks President Bush may be ready to make a huge revelation tonight. Not us. We think the prez is as straight as a ruler. With the fussy dogs, and the love of flowers, and the aggressive use of the word "fabulous," he's just way, way too out to be in. Still, the idea that the President might announce he's gay tonight is only the second least likely prediction we've read today. Topping the list: The Corner's Kathyrn Jean Lopez thinks he might be announcing the death of Osama bin Laden. Sounds pretty tenuous, but you never know. We hear the Pentagon has recently enlisted the support of some fabulous special agents. — GREG BEATO

W'S COMING OUT PARTY? [Days Break]
Rumors Rumors [NRO]
Rumsfeld, Spiderman and Captain Marvel help ‘America Supports Campaign’ [US Army]

[Photo credit: AP]

Permanent Free Sleeping Space Available Now

Attention, Congresspeople! We know how much you like freebies, so we thought we'd alert you to a great opportunity our cousin Sploid.com has discovered via Craigslist DC. We are pretty sure Abramoff has nothing to do with this: "FREE ROOMS OR SLEEPING SPACES (SOFA/Couches) PERMANENTLY, DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING, and this is not a gig, prank, hoax, crap or creepy either, we have not been getting any acceptable responds because people think this is a joke or stint, and we are not crazy either."

[more...]

Tonight's Other Viewing Options

Tonight, at 8:30 EST, President Bush will interrupt the more substantive political commentary of "The O'Reilly Factor," "Will & Grace," and a bunch of other shows to talk in a vague, genial, and reassuringly firm manner about freedom, God, God-given freedom, God-given high gas prices, and the need to attack Social Security before it's too late. Craving a more telling look at the current state of the Union? We point you to some alternatives airing at the same time.

Suzanne Somers Goddess Jewelry/Home Shopping Network: What happened to Kansas? Suzanne Somers started making CZ-studded bracelets so affordable labor unions lost out to the sacred marital union between one man and one woman.

Pimp My Ride/MTV2: Gas up to $3 a gallon? So what? When your car looks this good, you don't need to actually drive anywhere. Just park it on the corner and let the bitches pay tribute.

Alternative Medicine: Apitherapy/Wisdom Network: What's apitherapy? The use of honeybee venom to treat health problems. With $10 billion in Medicaid cuts on the horizon, it's time to put those backyard picnic pests to work.

— GREG BEATO

Bush to Hold Prime-time Press Conference [Reuters]
Congress Reaches Deal on Medicaid and Budget [NY Times]

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APR

CNN's Woodruff Signs Off

So Judy Woodruff is leaving CNN. Way to go, Klein! That means more time for The Blog Report and Democrat "strategist"* Carlos Watson. Not to mention more "Crossfire," The Show that Would Not Die. "Roll-up-your-sleeves storytelling," indeed!

*Reward offered for any proof that Watson has ever worked on any campaign besides Student Council.

UPDATE: A few readers have alerted us to Watson's CNN profile, which reads, "While at Harvard University...Watson also worked for Miami Mayor Xavier Suarez, Sen. Bob Graham and Democratic National Committee Chair Ron Brown. After graduating from Harvard with honors, he served as chief of staff and campaign manager for Florida Rep. Daryl Jones." In other words, we were almost right on this one: Watson was a student; it's the candidates who were the pros. Still, we admit it, we were also wrong on this one. If you can successfully leverage your student volunteer work to achieve the title of "strategist," then you are, in fact, a strategist.

BREAKING: Judy Woodruff To Leave CNN [FishbowlDC]
CNN Will Cancel 'Crossfire' and Cut Ties to Commentator [NYT]

Armstrong Williams' Gooey Wad

While "constantly propositioned" D.C. intern Abbie Finfrock is disappointingly demure as far as naming names, one pent-up Washington insider who probably hasn't hit on her is carnally dormant pundit Armstrong Williams, who in his latest column, writes, "One of the greatest challenges in my life is the struggle to abstain from premarital sex. It is not easy."

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WHCA Dinner: Ladies and Gentlemen, Set Your TIVOs

If the WHCA Dinner is our Oscars, then it makes sense for C-SPAN to be our E! C-SPAN sources confirm that, for the first time, Washington's favorite cable channel will be covering the "red carpet" entrance live, meta-broadcasting the unexpurgated version what "Access Hollywood" and "Entertainment Tonight" will whittle down into a montage of Jane Fonda and that supermodel Whatsherface.

We heard that the SPAN was originally going to do a whole "Joan and Melissa" thing, with Steve Scully and Brian Lamb earnestly asking Ann Compton and the junior spokeswoman for the House Committee on Whatever, "Who are you wearing?" But how many times can you hear -- let alone see -- "Ann Taylor" before before you poke your eyes out with a shrimp fork?

Complete sked after the jump. FWIW, Wonkette will be one of the B-listers roped into commenting on whole sad affair, right there with Ron Silver. Hey, they pre-empted "America and the Courts" for this, people.

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The Clinton Effect

We already knew that Bill Clinton transformed an entire generation of chastity-loving teens into crazed oral sex tramps. Now, we learn he's had a similar impact on middle-aged D.C. horndogs. Writes glamorous D.C. intern Abbie Finfrock: "Seven years on, each new crop of eager and wide-eyed interns arrives like fresh prey for the city's political predators. Far from dampening the instincts of the political classes, the Lewinsky scandal appears to have egged them on." And she's right, of course. Until the mid-1990s, middle-aged D.C. horndogs were obsessed with their work. Plop a fresh nubile 20-year-old on their desks, and they were, like, "Nope, sorry, gotta keep hashing out this farm support bill." Now, thanks to the bad example set by the former president, all they can think about is planting corn in loamy blondes. It's almost like Clinton is the King Midas of sluttiness -- everything he touches just turns sexier. What does that say about how much he touches or doesn't touch Hillary? Draw your own conclusions. But even just being in the same city where the King once worked his magic appears to be having an impact on Finfrock. — GREG BEATO

Sex, Power, and the Monica Factor [Daily Telegraph]

Typo or Scoop: DeLay Ethics Scandal Sexier Than Assumed?

DeLay is Likely to be Found Culpable [WaPo]

Gossip Roundup: Johnny Be Good

• Under the Dome: Kerry miffed that Dayton complimented Hillary's '08 prospects. . . Site lets liberals hammer down DeLay. . . Lott knows his true friends. [The Hill]
• Rush & Molloy: Hillary to get top billing at annual conference of Israeli lobbying firm AIPAC. [NYDN]

Daily Briefing: Terrifying Soccer Mom

• Bush will hold rare prime-time news conference tonight at 8:30. [NYT]
• DeLay likely violated ethics rules, say experts. [WP, USAT]
• House restores ethics procedures. Hastert: "I am willing to step back." [NYT, LAT, WSJ, USAT, WT]
• White House may skip panel vote on Bolton and go straight to Senate; Lugar expects panel to approve. [WSJ, WP]
• Dozens of Republicans backed by DeLay's PAC in turn donate to his defense fund. [NYT]

[more...]

APR

Inside the Bubble Awards: Early Exit Polling!

It's obviously too early to ask for accuracy from this exit poll data for the Inside the Bubble Washington Journalism Awards, but some things are clear:

• Hotmail and Yahoo membership seems have made a clear uptick in the past few days. (Thanks for the votes "Davidory_Greg@hotmail.com" and "creeming4norah@yahoo.com"!)
• "Everyone" is totally winning the "Laziest" category, but then again, we haven't gotten that many votes.
• Terry Moran may not win anything, but there are some gentlemen who would like to give him a big "prize" if he's game.
• Bumiller hurt you. Tell Wonkette where.

On an unrelated note, we have many write-in votes for Brad Woodhouse as "Flack Most Likely to Have Special Spam Filter Created for Him."

ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT!!!! Ballot here. Send votes to . Winners announced Friday.

Remainders: It Could Go Either Way Edition

• The fate of Judith Miller (and Time's Matthew Cooper too) is now in the hands of the Supreme Court. Does this mean we should be expecting fewer anti-Scalia pieces in the Times, or more? [Editor & Publisher]

• Typo or Scoop? DC Examiner, perhaps counting Iraq's new government, says there are 585 members of Congress. [DCist.com]

• Much to Hollywood's consternation, President Bush signed a bill that will allow people to use filtering technology to block "sex scenes, violence and foul language" from their DVDs. Fine with us, but could someone hurry up and invent the reverse technology too? With Hollywood churning out so much family fare these days, we're just not getting our fill of sex scenes, violence, and foul language anymore. [AP]

— GREG BEATO

WHCA Dinner: Stop Hurting America

Last week, CNN honcho Jon Klein dared Washington journalists to "cancel" the White House Correspondents dinner and "instead spend that time and energy creating standards--and enforcing them--for those who would call themselves White House correspondents." Great idea, Flanders. But you know, four hours on a Saturday night? We could still drink, right? And is that really enough time -- or energy -- to create standards For Those Who Would Call Themselves White House Correspondents? We have a more modest suggestion: Rather than one night dedicated to such a nobel cause, how about thirty minutes every week day? You could devote a whole show on CNN to it! Surely, there's room in the schedule since you cancelled "Crossfire" in January.

Wait. You did cancel "Crossfire," didn't you? Because it's still on.

CNN ready to call cease-fire on 'Crossfire' [Chicago Sun-Times]
CNN's Klein: A Modest Proposal [FishbowlDC]

DeLay Protects National Honor One Drag at a Time

Deep-lunged cigar critic Tom DeLay can really suck the fun out of a fine double corona: "Every dime that finds its way into Cuba first finds its way into Fidel Castro's blood-thirsty hands...American consumers will get their fine cigars and their cheap sugar, but at the cost of our national honor." But while TIME wonders if DeLay's words don't always match his actions, we have to side with the sweaty, wax-faced legislator on this one. Puffing on a $25 Hoyo de Monterrey may have been hypocritical had DeLay actually paid for it. But given his strong sense of ethics and national honor, we doubt he shelled out even one shiny American dime. — GREG BEATO

But Did He Inhale? [TIME]
Gifts in High Places [TIME]

WHCA Dinner: The B-List Gets a Plus (One)

We hear that Serena Williams (guest of Bloomberg) has a date for the WHCA Dinner: Her sister, Venus. This is either a huge scoop or a testament to the shallowness of the DC dating pool. Of course, it doesn't help matters that not-really-that-eligible bachelor Jake Tapper (ABC) is using the event to have an eyebrow-raising contest with fellow fake news correspondent Stephen Colbert (Daily Show). "Just friends," Jake? We know a man-date when we see one. Then again, if you promise to share...

Fishbowl DC has been collecting data on other invitees. (Also known as: More than you ever wanted to know about why you weren't invited.) Wake us when the Bloomberg starts.

UPDATE: Tapper lives with his girlfriend, okay? We were being coy, but not because he's "that way." So stop bugging us, Choire.

UPDATE UPDATE: Panda-killer Colbert is simply married.