Yesterday was my first day at work!!
I love it there, everyone is so nice...
Its great to be doing something, or have something to look forward to doing....
I wish I could get ahold of Missy...
Hmmm.
Brittnie

I was just reading a friends journal, and she had said something about me about to have my baby... Its just so weird to think at one point I was pregnant. I mean, I remember it... And I defanatly have the proof from strechmarks, but it just seems like it was in another lifetime.
And now, I have Jaiden. And he is absolutly perfect.
We have had our bad days, I admite. But there is nothing in this world that will make me not love him.
I don't know what it wrong with me right now. I just feel like crying. The love I have for Jaiden is so overwhelming at times.
Yesterday Steve and I got in an argument, he left, and I just held Jaiden, crying, and telling him how sorry I was for bringing him into such a hard world, full of fighting, and crying, broken hearts and tears. I feel so selfish for wanting to bring him into the world with the war, and hate.
I wish I could protect him from all of the hurt and pain he will face in his days. I want to keep him from his first heartacke, his first scraped knee. But I also want him to experience love... And for him to know love, he has to know hate.
Maybe... No, nevermind.
Brittnie

Well, I have some exciting news.... Ready?
I GOT THE JOB AT OSHKOSH!!! YEAYYY! I start on this wed. I am going to be working part time, which is great so I can still have my Jaiden Baby time.
My aunt thinks this could be a bad thing, because all my money is going to go toward baby clothes. LOL, she is probably right. With a 25% discount even off of other sales, and oshkosh always has 50% to 70% off. So off of thoughs, I get 25% of too! I am going to be getting clothes for Jaiden dirt cheap! Jaiden is going to be the most stylin baby ever!!
Everything is coming together so perfectly here! I am so happy we moved here.
Anyways. I am going to take a nap before Jaiden gets up from his.
Brittnie

Current Mood: accomplished

I don't get why Jaiden won't nap today. He will sleep for like 20 minutes and then wake up. I can't get anything done.... And he is cranky.
I cleaned the kitchen today. I hate nothing more then to have a dirty kitchen.
I feel pregnant.... I sure hope not.
Jaidens going to take his first steps any day now. He has been pulling himself up on thing and walking holding on to things.... Its scary thought.
Anyways I was planning to write more but the little stinker is up.
Brittnie

I bet its sure hard for all the familys that lost their loves in one of the wars on memorial day.
Today.... Hmmm.
Played some Mini Golf. I suck at that. Oh well.
Steve's Naked. LOL.
Tomarrow..... Hmmmm.
Brittnie

Current Mood: okay

Yeseterday we woke up, and decited we were going to go out to twin lake and hang out with The Family. They were all camping out there.
We have a great time, aside from Jaiden being cranky, (he has been running a fever of about 102 latley from taking the anti-biotics and getting some new teeth) Steve and I rented a pattleboat, and pattled (my GOD was it hard!) across the lake and back. My legs burnt so bad. I defanatly got my work out for the day. We also walked around the lake. When you look at it, it looks huge... But walking around it, it just don't seem that far at all.
Steve and I had a talk... And for now we understand eachother, but I am just wondering how long it will last. Most of the time only 2 days.... But we'll see. I really want things to work out. I just have a hard time understanding why he did some of the things he has to me.
We are going to Pier 1 to find some house decore... Then hopefully to Target.
Brittnie Marie A.

Current Mood: amused

Sometimes......

I wonder if I am going to feel like this my whole life.

I wonder if I will ever find someone who will love me, completly and real.

I wonder if I am always going to be the one who gets broken-hearted, the one who crys themself to sleep.

I wonder how many nights I will have to cry myself to sleep before enoughs enough.

Doesn't "he" see that I am hurting, or is it that "he" just doesn't care?

I just can't get over what he did. I spend my time obsessing about these girls. Thinking about what they have that I don't.

I wonder how the whole world still goes on, when people hurt this bad.

"HE" has ruined every bit of me that was good. He has shattered every dream I have had. Made me feel useless, and not worth it.

All I have ever wanted was to be loved... Really loved. To know that whoever he is, would be just be there for me, to hold me, to comfort me, to protect me.

I want to remember what it feels like to go to bed looking forward to waking up next to somebody, somebody that has me in there eyes, in there heart, in every step they take. Maybe thats to much to ask. But nobody has ever loved me that way...

GOD I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED....

All I have ever wanted was to be loved by someone who truely loved me....
Was that to much to ask?..........

Steve started work today. 7:00 to 3:30! What a great sced.
I got my BC today. Good thing, because I have to put a patch on this thursday, and I don't know what I would have done if thursday came around and I had no patch.
I also took Jaiden to a dr. appointment today. Turns out he has a sinus infection. Poor baby. But they gave me some anti-biotic.
Other then that, not much happend today. I really need to get everything unpacked and organized. Its really stressing me out.
Thats about it for today.
Brittnie

We're Here!! Friday we went up and got all our stuff! We got it all done by 2:00 pm Saterday! Some quick packing if you ask me! Consitering all the stuff we have.
Now we are in the process of getting everything unpacked and put away. The only reason we have internet right now is because we are using one of thoughs AOL free minutes cds. LOL!
I hate unpacking, and I hate having my house look like a pig-sty in the process. Tomarrow I have an apointment for Birth Control. Since our Tri-Care went up, we don't get cheep perscriptions, so I have to go to health department and get some low income BC. Its silly how that works.
Jaiden is saying Mama. And he totally assosiates it with me. He will look at me and say "mama". He also like it when we call him "beast!" LOL! He just cracks up, even when he is throwing a tantrum, its like the magic word or something.
I miss writing my feelings everyday. Keeping things bottled inside is no good. I feel like I am going to expode most of the time.
Bend is a wonderful place! There is so much to do.... Its like I am never going to be bored. I can't wait to make some new friends.
I called Julie today, she is going to get me started in Healthy Familys up here. I am going to miss her so much.
Anyways, I need to check my e-mail.
Brittnie