| this is so retarded |
[15 Jan 2004|09:48pm] |
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you get a xanga it lets you go preium for 21 days so for 21 you can post pictures after that they said that saved the pictures for the next 11 days after that they will be deleted what the fuck is all i have to say.
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| just read if u wish |
[14 Jan 2004|04:45pm] |
KDC
Tortured soul
Broken down heart
Lyrically flowing
Guitars breaking
Drums banging
More than a “voice” of a generation
Crying in his screams
Spilling out his soul
Breathe
He will be heard
Touching the lives of many
He lived the life of the many
He became what he hated
He died the way he lived
A martyr. A God.
Not a martyr. Not a God.
Slowly dieing slowly living
He left the world
He left his kid
He left his hated wife
He left his loyal fans
So many questions, conspiracies, and what ifs
Come along with his name
More than a “voice” of a generation
He did what he loved. He did what he hated.
Books were written, movies bought,
His personal journals read, invasion of himself
Enjoy the music, the time, the effort, the heart and soul put into it
Listen just listen no questioning just listen
He’s not a God. Not a martyr.
Just let him rest in Peace.
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| i wrote this poem today during study |
[07 Jan 2004|05:12pm] |
I Am Not Alone
Pressure hate inside
Pain decays
The fear in my eyes
Lonely feelings
Pain, affliction of thy self
Asphyxiate on my own blood
I’ll lie down here all Comatose
My downfall is reaching its point
Pressure the hate inside
tell me what you think.
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| poem |
[05 Jan 2004|12:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tool - Schism |
] |
SAVE ME, Save yourself
They hear what I am saying
But no one is actually listening
coldness, darkness, fearful
this is how I feel on the inside
The people I love
I won't let them notice
Be strong for them
They are the reason I am alive
I just want to feel
I want someone's help
but what I want is not important
HELP ME. SAVE ME. BE ME.
They are all cold on the inside
We are all cold on the inside
Feel the burn
the pressure
the hate
but you have to smile
you can't let them know
how you feel on the inside
Breathe in, breathe out
the cold always has a way of sneaking in
Breathe in, breathe out
FEEL THE PAIN.
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| These are pictures i drew! look at them please! |
[05 Jan 2004|12:26pm] |
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( Read more... )
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| so i wrote another poem |
[31 Dec 2003|12:07am] |
I is for I'm gone
I want you to know
that if i could make you happy
i would
if i could turn back time
and take away that razor
replace it with my heart
i would
if i could tell you that i loved you
i would
but you love someone else
and that someone else is breaking you apart
so watch me turn back the clock
erase all the scars
erase everything thing that ever hurt you
i would end up
erasing me
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| yeah my most recent poem |
[30 Dec 2003|10:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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paper cuts - nirvana |
] |
Make me feel like i am you.
Tear into my skin
feel me from within
slice deep into veins
make me feel your pain
break me, bleed me
feed off of my loss
cut right into me
make me feel as if i was you
turn my fears into scars
sink your hand into my heart
felt the pulse slowly rise
you make me cold on the inside.
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| this is my picture i drew of kurt cobain.. so what it doesn't look like him. |
[26 Dec 2003|03:26pm] |
.jpg)
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| yeah i know i am a loser |
[23 Dec 2003|02:56pm] |
so I tried writing a story.. i know it's probably really corny or badly written but i think it is an okay thing so guess what?? i'm posting it. and you will read it! and comment on it. tell me the truth on it.
My Only One
Everything happens for a reason. Everyone is destined to meet a certain someone. But what if the one you were destined for cut their life off early.
Geoff was sixteen going on twenty-seven, that’s what everyone always said. He was someone you wished you had. Someone you’d die for. The moment I hear his name my stomach aches. I wanted him so bad, and I am glad to say I had him for part of my life.
He was the singer and writer for his band, Mourning Goddess. His lyrics were beautiful, his voice so heavenly. Everyone knew who he was, he knew everyone. Everyone liked him, and he liked everyone. All the girls wanted him, but no one wanted him for the real him. He was Beautiful. He was six feet tall, perfect build, long black hair, blue eyes, small lips. He had a big heart. He was so strong on the outside, but so breakable on the inside.
I remember the first time I talked to him. It was only for a minute, but everything that came out of his mouth was so intelligent and unbreakable. He was a lover not a fighter. I remember he had a girlfriend before me. She had him on a leash. He did everything for her and all she did was breaking his heart. Then she dumped him for some loser guy. Not long after their breakup; his parents split. His father got custody of him. His father was never there for him. Then the band split for personal differences. Everyone forgot who he was. No one cared anymore, they all he was nothing now. That really hit him hard. He fell into depression, he cut up his body, he got high to heal his soul, and he wasn’t Geoff anymore. The world turned him into a monster. He shut everyone out of his life.
Then came the day were he faced himself. He became strong again. He started talking to everyone again. The band got back together. He was born again. Then one day we started talking. He asked me out. Our first date was awkward. He wanted it to be perfect. He made a dinner for two, and of course the food was burnt but that didn’t matter to us. We had so much fun. We were always together; we were there for each other. I talked to him about my suffering, but he never wanted to talk about himself. Now that I think about it; he was afraid of himself. Nothing could come between us. We weren’t just high school sweethearts; we were soul mates. Then there were times that we would fight. We always fought over the stupidest of things. I knew it really hurt the both of us. The words we yelled were so powerful but we knew we didn’t mean them. Then came the best day of my life; we both loved each other. I didn’t want to just give myself away, but my gut told me I needed to. It was the most intimate thing in the world. We connected in such a way that is just so indescribable.
Music was his calling. He and his band practiced three days during the week and on Sundays. There wasn’t a lot of time for me anymore. It really upset me, but I knew this was what made him happy. You know how people say every band has groupies? Well this band had them too. The day he told me what he did; my heart just sank into the ground. We ended up staying together though. He wrote me a poem and gave me a rose. After that he never seemed the same. He started acting funny. He didn’t care about his music or his family anymore.
We were together all the time now. He had all these cuts on him along with bruises. I would ask him what they were from he always said “I did it to myself.” I talked to him about it and he was doing well. Then came the days when he didn’t call. He came to school very sad. He acted like it was nothing. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I assumed it was just a bad day. Well the next day my heart felt like it was stabbed. He wasn’t at school that day. That was when the worst news was coming my way. I knew what it was, but I didn’t except it at first. He wrote a letter or a “suicide note” as they put it. He wrote it to me. He told me he loved me and would always love me. He finally told me the truth in the letter. The truth behind his cuts and bruises wasn’t his doing. It was his father. My life ended right there when I read that. If he just told me or if I wasn’t stupid maybe I would have known. Well that day his father was taken away. Everyone was at his wake and funeral. He wasn’t just a guy that I liked. He was the guy who I thought I would be with the rest of my life. I will be with him again. But until that day I have to be strong like Geoff
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| you all get to look at my picture of joe strummer... |
[15 Dec 2003|04:01pm] |
I'm stupid so i suck at lj cuts so guess you're gonna have to look at my picture...
.jpg)
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| this is a really corny poem i made... |
[12 Dec 2003|04:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
Remember
remember the nights
we used to talk
we got away from everything
we owned the world
remember the nights
you made me smile
remember the the words we used to say
the past is gone
the present is ticking away
the future will now fade
this is who we are
a million miles a part
i miss the way you made me feel
i miss the way that you said it'll be okay
i miss the way you were always there
i miss you.....
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| some more poems.... |
[12 Dec 2003|04:21pm] |
Losing yourself
I'm losing myself
more each day
i'm shutting down
and i don't know why
why i do the things i do
i hate myself for no reason
i am not alone and unloved
but i feel nothing
I don't know how
i feel the way i feel
my mind is blind
my thoughts are hollow
my heart has lost
i want to stay in
but i've already jumped out
i'm scared to be where i am
i want out
let me in
hold me
till i wither away
i want in
let me out
hold me
as our grib fades
i want in
let me in
i want out
let me in
i want in
I have lost
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| poems! |
[09 Dec 2003|03:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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NINE INCH NAILS! |
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Well my first one Jessica kinda inspired me to write it because of her latest poem! :)
Wodden Hearts
The rain outside
is dark and dry
the pain inside
is bright and clear
join me in my dance in the rain
join me on this journey
that'll forever reign
we'll pick roses
that are black
with thorns of razors
we'll watch the clouds float away
for they are images of guns
the sun is my bullet
the people are nothing but
past words never said
join me through this journey
join me as my heart burns out
into nothing, but red seeping ashes
join me as for your heart will turn hollow too
MINDLESS WORDS
sometimes i think not to care
but i worry about you
what you're doing to yourself
your mind is going
when you speak it sounds breathless
when you smile you look so hollow
i want to save you from what you have
but i only speak midless words
that means nothing to you
i want to help but you'll never listen
whats saving you when i'll die too?
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| well i have a poem |
[08 Dec 2003|05:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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:( |
] |
its gonna be a public poem...
MY last letter for you
let me cut cut myself wide open
and spill, to you, my guts
let me take away my enternal pain
replace it with phyiscal
watch me as i tell you the truth
the real me
someone that i am ashamed to be
the reason i bleed, the reason i scar
the reasons i fall
are all known to me
it could be i like the pain, the rush that flows deep inside me
then it could be i wish you'd just care
then again it could be my way of releasing pain.
which ever it is. which ever one you decide
you'll never understand
It makes me feel almost alive
it makes me wake up
perfect is only in imperfection
let me do it again to myself
i hate what i'm doing to myself
but i do it
this is not what you wanted
it's not what i wanted either
please forgive me
i can't be sorry
for what i am
but i am sorry
for what i've become
if you don't understand this
it'll be okay
if you do undserstand
please make me stop
i know this is not your problem
but i need you right now
but i know you you've tried before
so i guess what i've become
is what i'll be for the rest of eternity.
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| poem... |
[06 Dec 2003|11:31pm] |
my first love poem
wanting it so bad
you'll do anything for it
you need it to live
but it'll happen again
it needs you to live
you want it to die
you are more than addicted
it's lesss than nothing
you want it so bad
you'll do anything for it
just knowing its there
but guess what
it's out of reach
you want it so bad
you'll kill for it
you need it so bad
you'll die for it
you want it
you need it
when it's finally here
you'll throw it all away.
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| poems. |
[06 Dec 2003|11:21pm] |
Impure
i am alone
and impure
i'm being what i am
a selfhated mindless wreck
i open the door to talk
but you
you'd never be on the other side
i want my hatred to go to you
the one and only
the one that keeps me alive
but you don't exist to me
you're just a mind full of nothing
nothing
nothing is what i've become
Stars
I am the star up in the sky
the star that's small and weak
the star that'll soon be burnt out
the star that's shooting across the sky
the one you wish upon
the one that never grants your requests
the one waiting for you to burn out too
Life
there has to be more to life
evil
wrongdoing
life
useless life
it goes nowhere
life is useless when you don't mean a thing
life is fake
when it all adds up to death in the end
what's life when you want out?
what's living when all you do is die?
what's the point when failure is achieved in the end?
life is paranoid
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| poem! |
[29 Nov 2003|03:23pm] |
walk away
leave me
in dismay
words
never
said
now it's time it ends
walk away
leave me here
to turn away
leave me here
to rot away
leave me here
alone in this
dark corner of the world
leave me here
to forget everything
forgive me
when i leave myself here
forgave you
as you walked away
i lie here in fear
i die here without a care
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| oh my... i'm going to shoot livejournal... |
[29 Nov 2003|03:14pm] |
i just updated and it was like error you have the incoorect time blah blah blah
so once again i'll type out my three new poems
being something
following deaths footsteps
watch me throw it all away
watch me become you
Escape
bitter frosted heart
leave it out to thaw
poisoned blood
let it drain
dry skin
rip it off
salt watered eyes
wash it out with soap
tourtured soul
watch it escape
sick at heart
my heart beats to fast
my hands shake all the time
my eyes unravel tears
my mind is censored
none of you will see into me
no one knows what i'm doing to myself
all the times i shouted
all the more you looked away
faults belong to me
scars overlooked by scabs
pressure and pain are equal to my lies
my smile faded with time
my life disappeared with my being alone
but blame my cold heart
cared for by you.
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| another poem |
[18 Nov 2003|03:44pm] |
Today
today i knew
what had to be done
the silence has taken
me to a whole nother place
this sharp object
is going to put an end
to all this frustration
i take the knife
push it hard
into my wrist
harder then all the other times before
i slowly dragged it across
my pale white skin
then over my sky blue colored vein
pain has never felt so good
letting myself be drained
of all my problems, all my fears
i wanted to live
i wanted to be something
i knew i could never be
i want to say i'm sorry
to all the people
i will hurt today
but i can't because i'm fading away
fading into nothing
i'm becoming nothing
but every action
has a reaction
and this action can't be revised
all that's left to say is goodbye
to something now cold and worn away
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| poem! |
[18 Nov 2003|03:32pm] |
| [ |
music |
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stone temple pilots - sin |
] |
Left wristed pattern
left wristed pattern
scarlet loss
tranlucent skin
dig into me again
forged signiture
not a pretty love letter
screaming hearts
clogged up lungs
faking smiles
laughing at death
bleeding bright
colorful night
right minded hallucinations
sweating out the tears
crying in the pain
breathing out the joy
fake accousations
a crime not to be solved
closed hearted incisons
left wristed pattern
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