on hiatus from all forms of electronic communication.

did some friends-list spring cleaning. added some, deleted some. if this offends you...i'm sorry, i guess.

just so you know: if you add me to yr friends list, it's not guaranteed that i'll add you back. you may need to identify yourself, if i can't figure it out for myself. (hello, clint and jason)

i promised becky that i'd post. that was a month or two ago.

i haven't got that much to say nowadays.

my hair is growing out. it's weird to see so much of my natural color.

wheee! i'm at garcia's (proun. garsha, to again clarify).

that is all.

it's my birthday. woo. i should be working on a paper for psych which i've literally put off the entire semester, which i have to turn in today.

i saw cat power on friday and chan made me cry. on saturday laura and i went to the mark mallman show and it was fucking good. we went to lucy's afterward and then back to her place. when i went to leave, my car was gone.

it was just not there. no car. then i saw the bent bus stop sign and the shattered plastic bits on the ground.

long story short, an asshat from chicago with a suspended driver's license plowed his rental car into my (legally) parked car. the diagram on the report shows my car somehow rolling out at an angle into the intersection of 24th and nicollet. his car was the one that bent the sign.

my whole back end is fucked up and there's something going on underneath with the wheels. i drove it home from the mpls impound lot, but i shouldn't have. the back wheels were all wobbly and there was a terrible clunking/scraping sound. gah.

tonight: last meeting of my psych class. then: drinking.

mostly i'm just posting to say hi to garsha.

i saw three wonderful films this weekend, and a half hour of a bad one.

i saw spider on friday afternoon by myself. if you see it, just keep in mind that it's david cronenberg, and be patient. there is a payoff in the end. also, it's beautifully acted, written, and filmed. i'm anxious to see it again.

that night celia and i went to the roseville 4 (the $2 theatre) to see just married because...well, because we didn't think a little hollywood indulgence would hurt anything, and the previews actually looked funny/cute. we walked out. i'd never walked out of a movie before. gah.

on saturday there was a glbt mini film fest at metro, and i saw chutney popcorn and big eden. they were both fucking amazing films. i recommend them both to anyone who wants to watch funny, intelligent movies that happen to portray queers in an extremely positive, non-expliotative light.

after the films on saturday i went to lucy's for the first time with jessica and cheryl, two chicks from my queer class. there was karaoke and drinks were reasonable, so it was fun.

we now have tickets taken care of for cat power on the 18th, mark mallman on the 19th, and ira glass on the 26th. whee!

i took a much-needed "vacation" to morris on friday/saturday. i cashed in some bonds so i could afford to even drive, and also so i don't have to keep mooching off of everyone, which i've really been feeling shitty about.

sometimes there's nothing more therapeutic than driving alone for a few hours. i love driving long stretches on fairly empty highways. it really clears my head.

so i bought a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of ephedrine on the way, and ended up getting really drunk while pat and kate wrote last minute papers and packed for the various trips they're taking next week (namely to ireland, the bastards). it was so satisfying to get really, really loaded and not be alone and not have to drive, and to just be able to pass out on someone's couch.

they have two really fabulous kitties, too. zoe is a little spitfire, and tiny. izzy is more laid back, except when he's playing with zoe. he seems to be made of gelatin and covered in teflon. and he's kind of dim, which is nice in a male cat, i think. we fell asleep together. i can't wait to have cats again.

when i got home (i had just sat down with the carton of ice cream i'd been dreaming about) ben called. i'd been meaning to call him for a few weeks now, and i thought it rather serendipitous that he called after i'd just gotten back from the place where we met. he's one of the only people i like talking on the phone with for more than five minutes. i think i'll stop by horror movie night after karaoke this week.

erm...

(i don't really have anything else to say)

i have a perverse desire to go to har mar mall today and "hang out."

('cause it's the creepiest)

i post about my dreams because, honestly, they're the most interesting part of my life.

that said, i won't even try to write about the dream i had this morning, because i can't make any sense of it whatsoever. the only part i'll mention is that in addition to the frosty (at wendy's), there was something called a "softy" which was i guess some sort of soft-serve vatiation of the former.

celia, british, code, and i made collages out of celia's reject photographs last night.

( vagina chic )

i think i'm going through effexor withdrawl. not intentionally. apparently i forgot to take it yesterday (it was still sitting where i'd left it to take after i'd eaten, i find out from my mother) and i forgot to bring it with me to celia's. my backup bottle is in celia's car, so the soonest i can have any is around seven (unless i drive home, but i don't feel confident in my ability to do so, and anyway i can't afford to if i still want to go to jitters tonight).

in short, i'm really, really light-headed and cry-y. i've eaten and it hasn't helped. i feel like passing out, but i'm sick of dreaming.

never mind.

last night i dreamt, among other things, that i had to prove once and for all that david cronenberg and bill watterson are the same person.

my e-mail isn't working. not that i get e-mail or anything, but what if???

my psych prof is a derranged homeless man.

all last night i dreamt that i was pregnant. (the dreams changed, but that one factor remained).

there may have been something else i wanted to say, but oh well.

had a dream that i was at my wedding reception.

lots and lots of people there, both relatives and long lost friends.

i don't know who the groom was.

all i know is that i couldn't find any booze.

all i know is that i started crying and telling my dad that i didn't want to be married.

all i know is that i still couldn't find any booze, and threw a fit, because it was my fucking wedding and i wanted to get drunk!

i'm really bored in here; i wish i had cute clothes.

this journal is barely even a symbol of me. it's just what i say to "emote." it's just what i say when i think anyone might be listening. it's just what i say when i'm bored, or typing feels good.

the real bullshit that is me is written in ink on paper, and it would bore the piss out of you.

i can't sleep because i can barely breathe and my throat hurts like a motherfucker.

goddamn it.

dear deity i don't believe in,

please make scabs less fun to pick.

thank you,
crowe

my throat hurts, and i always get paranoid that i'm re-lapsing mono, but really, it's ridiculous. it's been almost two years. (how can that be?)

celia and i went shopping and i got two more journals. yes, yes i did. i also liberated a tongue stud that says "fuck." because i felt it was something i desperately needed to have.

vagina chic seems to be "in" right now. there were some scary pussy-pink spatulas somewhere that almost caused me to die.

there was a planter of sorts that was filled with dirt and nothing else that i really, really wanted to roll around in. i would have, but i didn't want to get dirt in my wounds (which were bare; i don't feel the need to wear socks right now).

i've just decided that i should just stop acting appropriately in public. that's all.

i'm going to watch the idiots again. what an inspiration...

feh.

gah. i'm so fucking bored. i've been at roberta's since noon or so. i watched american movie, which was good, but mostly i wanted it to be over because i wanted to nap.

then i did nap.

then i tried to watch plan 9 from outer space on tv, but...ed wood has never made a film that made me wake up.

fuck. did i mention i'm bored?

but i'm still feeling too ill to do anything other than sit here. i've got more movies to watch, but i don't feel like it.

i'm airing my foot wounds, because whenever they try to scab over, the scab comes off with the bandage. yuck.

also, i've only eaten three graham crackers today. i have no appetite.

though i would eat ice cream if there was some to be had.

i'm sick. :(

i had a really great night.

i watched election on television and was pleasantly surprised that it was better than i remembered. really, everything in that film works. good job, filmmaker guys.

i went to jitters and clint, celia, and code showed up (expectedly, of course), and we sang songs and i gave a guy my e-mail address.

afterward i crashed gabe's (ben's friend) horror movie night and talked to a guy who i'd pegged as worthless the last time i was there. he has every werner hertzog film on dvd, so he may well be my new best friend.

near the end of the night, gabe and ben were making lovely music on guitar and keys, and i told cory about why i'm ben's "groupie," and i was relaxed and content.

i love hanging out with degenerates with creativity. it's way more fun than hanging out with degenerates with playstations.

the hole inside of me is slowly closing.

why do i keep kissing people i went to high school with?

i walked from lagoon ave to my car parked on 3rd and university in dress shoes and a skirt. it was about four miles, i figure.

oscar is sitting on my chest. he's kind of a big cat. i can't see the keyboard.

when i got home, my heels were covered in blood.

i took a masochistic bath when i finally got up.

my fye mystery is solved once and for all. it used to be record town. no wonder the price tags all looked familiar.

i'm visiting the kitties again. i love the kitties.

tonight we're going to jitters, i guess, for lack of anything better to do. drew also invited me to come to the party he's going to, which could be fun/ny.

it doesn't seem like new year's eve. i really couldn't care less about it, actually. all i want is the semester to start. school school school school. school.

drew just called me. i e-mailed him today, for whatever reason.

it was good to talk to him. i'm glad that i've always had pretty good taste in humans.

i found that there are a few fye stores in the cities and went all the way out to brookdale mall to use my gift card.

that mall is eerily spacious and pristine.

i got a roy orbison tape (i haven't bought a new cassette in i don't know how many years). his voice is the most beautiful thing in the world right now. it was only 3.99. i could've died. i didn't know they sold new tapes in malls anymore.

i also got mulholland drive and blue velvet on vhs. blue velvet was only 4.99. i already have a copy of it, but the one i got was from home video and i know (because i've rented it) that it's crap. so now i have two. you're jealous, i know.