Internal Wrangler's Journal

2:30pm: 1. Do you eat meat?: Yes
2. Would you ever go vegan?:absoloutly not
3. Have you ever tried vegetarianism?: tried, but i love me some slim jims.
4. Does it bother you how animals are killed?: no, what bothers me is i can name the bones as i'm eating them. creepy.
5. Would you do anything to protest the meat industry?: nah

6. Do you drink?: Yes
7. How often?: too much
8. How much money do you spend on alcohol per week?: not that much
9. Would you buy alcohol for underage children?:i am an underage child :(.
10. When did you drink your first beer?: 13?

11. Have you ever done drugs?(weed, shrooms, etc. dont count): Yes.
12. What drugs have you done? etc.
13. Have you ever sold drugs?: no.
14. would you?: yes plz.
15. Whats yoru favorite drug?: stacker 3's

16. Did you rally against the war in Iraq?: nope
17. Do you smoke cigarettes?- Yes.
18. How many people have you had sex with?: i don't kis5 and tell
19. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no. and i have little to no respect for people who do.
20. If you had one wish what would it be?:that certain people would feel the pain their actions caused me.

6:10am: i'm writing a response about "what makes a person whole" and its funny, my description of wholeness is exactly how i feel -content with life..enjoying the good aspects and accepting the bad ones. i wish i could have known this stuff years ago...it would have saved my parents thousands of dollars in therapy bills.

matt and i stayed up till 5:30am talking. i really love him. he makes me feel beautiful, he shows affection in public, he always wants to do everything for me. for once, i feel like a guy feels the same way about me as i feel about him. its strange...theres no games for power, theres just a balance. i am so happy.
i am nuts about him.
whats up, i'm creepy =/

9:11am: Theres this theory that there are people in this world, put here specifically to test you. they make your life difficult and break your heart over and over again. its how you react to these people that determines how your life will go. another aspect of this theory is that, if you respond well enough to these people that suck, then you will be blessed with the best of friends and partners.
i feel like the past few years have just been a test, and everyone thats hurt me or mistreated me, or just plain sucked has just been a test and only now i can see my true friends.
Steph, Steph, Gina, i love you. You have always/will always be there and i take that for granted. thank you <3

12:32pm: hjkhk

11:23am: a breif summary of my night:
fell asleep over gregs around 8, woke up areound 8:30, Derek picked me up we went back to my place, drank lots of whiskey went to black out bar
i got kicked out
came home
passed out with my face on the toilet seat for about 2 hours.
woke up around 7am still drunk and miserable

1:17am: hey courtney- i want my clothes back before easter. i can wash them myself.
thank you

4:58pm: after a night like last night, i think all i can listen to is northern soul.
it fits...especially smokey robinson.
its definately saturday morning music.
yup.
okay, back to bed
<3
jen

12:13am: why do people think i'm a drug addict?
i'm not. never was. never will be.
i had my phase its over. has been for a while.
and games? not a fan...don't play them myself.
perhaps if you ever listened to a word any one ever said...really listened and didn't just wait for your turn to speak and to make the whole conversation about you, perhaps you would know me better...know why i'm doing this...know that i do care, but i'm fed up with feeling the way i do around you...like my life doesn't matter because i'm happy. life isn't all gloom and doom and when you see that, and can be happy for me, maybe we could talk again. because right now...when we speak, you don't hear a word i say. and i hear you loud and clear...i hear about you. you you you. and frankly, im fucking sick of it.

2:34am: went to my parents for dinner today.
ate lots of steak. mmmmmmm
my dad is growing a fu manchu. its hilarious
my parents are getting old. its weird.
i don't like it.


Dear time,
please rewind to when i was 5 and my mom had a perm.
kthnx.
love,
jen

2:00am: why do i always reveal so much when my sister calls me? i need to learn to keep my damn mouth shut. my mom should be calling me any minute...
in other news, i've somewhat turned my llife around....i'm almost caught up in all my work and i'm accepting the things that have been bothering me.
to do:
finish art work
not think so much
get a job
cut my hair.

yup...night

1:31am: Name: Jennifer Elizabeth Taggart
Birthdate: august 19th
---> Current Location: boston
---> Hair Color: black
---> Righty or Lefty: righty
---> Zodiac Sign: leo
---> Innie or Outtie: innie

// series two - describe
---> The shoes you wore today: black adidas shell toes
---> Your hair: assymetrical and long bangs
---> Your eyes: green
---> Your weakness?: biggie smalls, mcdonalds
---> Your fears: being taken advantage of again
---> Your perfect pizza: no sauce, little cheese, lots of bubbles

// series three - what is
---> Your most overused phrase on aol\aim: "fuxorz"
---> Your thoughts first waking up: never take sleeping pills again
---> The first feature you notice in the opposite (or same) sex: arms, neck, lips in that order
---> Your best physical features: ears/lips/ass
---> Your usual bedtime:somewhere between anxiety and insanity
---> Your greatest accomplishment: making deans list
---> Your best memory: providence, summer 98

// series four - do you
---> Smoke: like a chimney
---> Cuss: like a sailor
---> Sing well: nope. not at all
---> Take a shower everyday: i used to, then my mom stopped forcing me. i'm a fucking filthy person
---> Want to go to college: i'm there.
---> Like high school: high school sucked...booo on this question
---> Want to get married: eventually.
---> Type with your fingers on the right keys:nope
---> Believe in yourself: sometimes
---> Get motion sickness: uh-uh
---> Think you're attractive: "at a certain angle and in a certain light"
---> Think you're a health freak:i don't take care ofmyself...and i have mono
---> Get along with your parents: yup. me and my mom are BFF's
---> Like thunderstorms: they make me want to shit my pants
---> Play an instrument: played viola for 2 years and flute for 1

// series five - in the past month, did/have you
---> Drank alcohol: indeed
---> Smoke(d): yes.
---> Done a drug: yes.
---> Made Out: yes.
---> Go on a date: yah
---> Go to the mall?: many a time.
---> Been on stage: only once drunk at start!
---> Been dumped: nope
---> Gone skating: yeah, tried out to be a bruins girl. gay.
---> Made homemade cookies: nope
---> Been in love: yup
---> Gone skinny dipping: nope
---> Dyed your hair: yes.
---> Stolen anything: yes

// series six - have you ever?
---> Played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes...
---> Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: not too long ago
---> Been caught "doing something":once in a graveyard on halloween i got caught by an old guy walking his dog hehehe
---> Been called a tease:hahahahaha, not since high school
---> Gotten beaten up:uh-uh.
---> Shoplifted: hells yes
---> If so, did you get caught: no. knock on wood. [tap tap]
---> Changed who you were to fit in: nope

// series seven - the future
---> Age you hope to be married: 30
---> Numbers and Names of Children: 2 maybe...lara and paige (lame i know)
---> Describe your Dream Wedding: vegas. i'm talking sequins, i'm talking prostitutes, i'm talking gambling
---> What age do you want to die: 46.
---> What do you want to be when you grow up: rich, maybe a lawyer
---> What country would you most like to visit: England
---> Current Clothes: pink off the should sweater, levis, chucks, studded belt
---> Current Mood: a little pissed off
---> Current Taste: ice teal
---> Current Hair: curly from the rain
---> Current Annoyance: the lack of phone ringing
---> Current Smell: the open 40 of colt 45
---> Current thing you ought to be doing: homework, eating, living a real life
---> Current Desktop Picture: "ghetto blaster"
---> Current Favorite Groups: rilo kiley, ted leo, the church
---> Current DVD In Player: "go"
---> Current Worry: whether i can get all my art done in time

4:29am: "united states be whackin' niggas sensless like Elvis at a hempfest"

4:34pm: HAVE YOU EVER
01. Fallen for your best friend? nope
02. Made out with JUST a friend?nope
03. Been rejected? yep
04. Been in love? - i am now
05. Been in lust? - yes, never as good as you think they are
06. Used someone? - pwish i could say no
07. Been used? - lots of times.
08. Cheated on someone? - no.
09. Been cheated on? - yes.
10. Done something you regret? - i try to do something i'll regret at least once a day
--------------------------------------------------------------
Who was the last person...
13. You talked to? - matt
15. You instant messaged? - courtney
17. You had lunch with? - erik
20. Who broke your heart? jeff
--------------------------------------------------------------
Do you...
22. Colour your hair? -yes, must...be...scene...
23. Have tattoos? - 2 broken heart and celtic back piece
24. Have Piercings? - nose, tragus, conch
25. Floss daily? - no. i'm lucky if i brush my teeth
26. Own a web cam? - nope
27. Ever get off the damn computer? - ::shakes head no::
28. Habla espanol? - si, hablo espanol muy bueno
--------------------------------------------------------------
Have you/do you /do you have...
29. Considered a life of crime? - who's to say i'm not already living one?
30. Considered being a hooker? daily.
32. Are you psycho? - not anymore
33. split personalities? - see above
34. Obsessive?- certain things...
35. Obsessive compulsive? - nope
36. Panic? - not so much anymore
38. Depressed? i'm all smiles these days <3
39. Suicidal? - nope
42. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? - wait...what things?
43. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?-glasgow
44. What would you be doing? being happy
45. What are you listening to? turbonegro
46. Can you do anything freakish with your body? i can pull my leg over my head and i have a bump in my pinkie
47. Chicken or fish? chicken
---------------------------------------------------------------
Current Clothes: white terry cloth pj pants and a wifebeater
Current Mood: - unbelievably happy
Current Music: - "ass cobra"- turbnegro
Current Taste: - chocolate milk
Current Hair: - out of control
Current Annoyance: matt still being asleep in my bed
Current Smell: cigarettes
Current Favorite Celebrity: - lemmy <3 <3
---------------------------------------------------------------
FAVORITE...
Food: - #2 from mcdonalds
Drink: -vodka and cranberry
Colour: - pink
Shoes: - cute little pointy toe heels that i bought yesterday
Movie: - donnie darko
Vegetable: - baby carrots
Fruit: - pineapple
--------------------------------------------------------------
ARE YOU...
Understanding: - sometimes
Arrogant: - at times
Insecure: - see above
Interesting:- i like to think so
Friendly: - yah.
Smart: - yes...if only i could apply myself
Moody: - not so much anymore
Childish: - not in a bad way
Independent: i suppose
Emotionally Stable: once again, as of late, yes
Shy: - in certain situations
Attractive: - i'm not a total uggo
Bored Easily: - nope
Responsible: - no :(
Sad: - not really

2:40am: what if i told you all your weapons were powerless against me, that i am one giant metaphysical weapon myself and cannot be destroyed...only detonated?

12:33pm: yesterday was the most wholesome day of my life.
i got up at 9am and hung out and cuddled with matt on the couch. then i played with ian and pushed him on the swing while everyone else raked. then we had a big family lunch and then matt, ian, and i went out for ice cream at dairy queen.
it felt good to not abuse my body for once.
i woke up feeling refreshed after about 11 hours of sleep.
everything seems nice right now.
love and rockets,
jenny

12:51pm: guh- you can't change the world through your livejournal.
if you want to change something get the fuck off your computer
and
go
do
it.

1:56am: look in the mirror.
i fucking dare you.

1:45am: awwwwwwww!


so cute <3

1:29am: this is the week i turn my life around. i mean it!
1. i will now get up at 7:30am with matt when he leaves for work
2. i will stay up and get ready and eat breakfast
3. i will go to class on time, stay for the whole thing, and do my work the day it is assigned.
4. i will get a new job where i can make money and be able to stop mooching off of my way too generous boyfriend.
5. i will also, spend more time away from the internet, i fear it's eating my soul.
6. also, i will only drink after i finish my homework.

spring is beginning to rear its beautiful, much welcomed head and i will motivate myself in accordance to the weather..whatever the fuck that means.

its been so good seeing everyone lately, don't get me wrong, i LOVE hanging out with courtney and my other boston friends but seeing my wakefield/nyc girls this weekend made me smile a lot. wish they could all mesh better, but oh well.

tomorrow, i have to try out for this lame boston bruins things where i would skate around between periods during games and throw stuff into the audience. i don't really want to do it, but its mad bling and would look pretty neat on a resume. wish me luck!

p.s. no mas drogas. nunca.
i will now crawl into bed and thank my lucky stars that i have such an amazing guy to cuddle up with <3
love and rockets,
jenny

8:07pm: p.s.
i am fucking sick of the internet.
i think i should get rid of it.
comments? concerns? care?...i doubt it

7:58pm: i don't ask that you like my other friends,
i just ask that you don't start e-drama with them
not cool.
---------
i have had a day long panic attack. it sucks.
off to marshfield now.
love and rickets (get it, cos i'm all shakey?)
jen

9:33am: i just farted.
i hope i didn't wake ariana or matt!

3:44pm: March 13th: a Chronology of events
9:00pm- depart my apartment with Matthew Duffy and Courtney Pecola
9:15pm- arrive at Charlies kitchen in Harvard Sq.
9:16- meet up with Jason Viera
9:20- Oder first pitcher of beer
9:40- Erik Darling arrives
9:40-11:30- order 3 more pitcher of beer, then depart(take aderol somewhere in there)
12:00am- arrive at Tiger Lily's fine Malaysian Cuisine
12:15- Scorpion bowl arrives
12:30- Food arrives
12:45- Drunken Jen runs to the bathroom, knocking her bowl of rice on the floor and proceeds to vomit profusely
1:00- arrive back at apartment with courtney and matt
1:05- accompany courtney to hail a cab
1:10 to 6:00am come back up stairs, cuddle and talk with matt
6:05- fall asleep
11:30am wake up, vomit more, feel like shit
...and thats where i'm at right now. ick

7:50pm: dear jeff,
thank you so much. i'm happy we can be friends now.
love and rockets,
jenny

7:43pm: i am a bad hostess
matt is passed out on my bed
courtney is passed out on my floor
and there have been no substances imbibed.
i am just that boring