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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Nia's LiveJournal:
| Friday, January 4th, 2002 | |
| 8:22 am | If you... ( F**** you)....get over it (one day at a time)... I went to the hospital yesterday...I had blood work done. The results will be in today, but since my doctor is out, I won't get them until tomorrow, which is Rebecca's birthday. They think I have mono. On one hand, I want it because I get to stay at home and sleep for a long time. On the other hand, I don't want it because I won't get to go to Cape with everyone this weekend for Rebecca's birthday, probably won't get to change my schedule, and will probably fail the drama skit assignment. Oh, well...I just know I'm not in school today because mom thinks I might be contagious. Rebecca was supposed to go to Cape with mom and me yesterday after the unexpected hospital trip, but I couldn't find her. So I bet she thinks we left without her, which isn't really the case. I told Gammons to tell her to call my cell because I couldn't find her at her house(s) if he saw her uptown. He said he'd try, but he had to go to work. I also told a couple of other people (just to make sure it got there) to talk to her if they saw her. I'm sure they will tell her today. I want to leave EP, but I want to take a few people with me. I know I can't leave for a few more months, and then I'll still be far enough to be too close...I guess that only makes sense to me. I hate conditions...conditions ruined my life. All I wanted was one thing...it would have made me SO happy, but there was a condition attached to it that I couldn't live with, so my opportunity was taken away. If only my circumstances weren't so set in stone...if only people were more forgiving...if only people were more laid-back...if only I was able to really be like that...if only I could just 'get over it.' |
| Saturday, December 15th, 2001 | |
| 11:50 am | coulda ain't gonna I should be writing my scholoarship application essays, and I should be taking my shower and starting to fiz my hair (which will take a long time), since I have to leave early...to pick Libby up - then take her home...then leave with Jay...then pick Leslie up...but instead, I'm writing in my livejournal, watching micro gerbil (or hamster?) om joecartoon, while I wait for my water to boil, so I can fix some food....LINK is tonight....there are many things leading up to it, but what's going to happen after it??? Hmm...the world may never know....hehhehheh... |
| Thursday, December 13th, 2001 | |
| 12:24 pm | All the missing LINKs Everyone's stressing me out about what's going on before LINK...aka, Prom in winter. I tried to make everyone happy by attempting to say who would ride in what vehicle. Then, Rebecca says she's not going because Jay said something about her friend that's riding with her...and that Savoy can't go because of who she has to ride with...Well, Libby really wants to go, but J-rod thinks it's stupid, and Jay says we're all (me, him, Gammons, Libby, J-rod - and Savoy) riding in the Mexican Dream. OK...Savoy says she can ride with J-rod (she really wants to go), since Libby and I are going to be there. Then Gammons comes up and says he doesn't know if he's going to go with us, or with Shaun, Casey, Rebecca, and their posse....They're going to eat pizza. Also, Trevin was gonna go with us, but for some odd reason he thinks that later on that night he's going to go to the Outback....probably with that chick that lives next door. Good Luck, T-mac! Anyway, Jason and I know we're going....then Savoy - probably. And Libby...I think. I know she really wants to go, so she'll prolly talk J-rod into it... I want Gammons to go, and Trevin to meet us there, but who knows what will happen! I just know that before LINK, I'm getting into someone's car and going to get something to eat. I DO NOT need to be a social planner! Then, if all that wasn't enough, someone thinks they're getting sex that night....you never can tell what will happen. Another wild night on the Prairie....haha. Mom says I can party at the hizzie afterward, so I might do that...then there's Megan's thing. I don't know about that...I have a thing about sleeping at home...I like it. SEMO application is due Saturday. I'm only sending 2 apps out: SEMO & WUSTL. That's all I need. I spent an hour in the counselor's office, when I should have been doing my chemistry work, so I wouldn't have to do it tonight....wait, I can't do it tonight. I'm going to Cape....sonova snatch. I'm screwed. ARG. Too much stress.....wait...I CAN DO IT!!! I'M SUPER NIA!!! RAAAAAAA!!!! HAHA. |
| Tuesday, November 13th, 2001 | |
| 12:29 pm | 10 minutes Tonight is the Great Escape....I'm kinda nervous, because I know I'm going to have to do some things that I'm not comfortable with, but those things HAVE to be done. Hmm...I guess you could say it's for the greater good. *Sigh* Well, just a few more months...everything will blow over. Right now, though, we all have to take it one day at a time. |
| Tuesday, November 6th, 2001 | |
| 12:46 pm | just a thought It's sad when one person thinks he has it all figured out, but realistically knows nothing except how to turn a page. |
| Friday, September 14th, 2001 | |
| 12:33 pm | More than one-track I think about what I wanted to write here, but it sound so shallow and careless compared to what I actually should be thinking about. I feel bad about the things that are going on, but people have said we shouldn't let the terrorists get the best of us. That's what they wanted. US citizens have said we should keep our heads high, try our best to rebuild, and keep on like we have been. Going uptown sounds so insignificant compared to what I could be doing. Then again, I'm a 17-year old girl that lives in Missouri, so really the only thing I can do is give blood. I'm terrified of needles (I tear-up at the site of one), but I'll do what it takes. |
| Tuesday, September 11th, 2001 | |
| 12:20 pm | Crash, boom Everyone is freaking out about the bombing and crashing going on across the nation. There are different mindsets going on here: (1)This is not happening...I guess some people think that this is another hoax like the radio show about the aliens (from back in the day). (2)Concerned, yet helpless...this seems to be the norm. (3)Then there are the deluded psychos that think this is the coolest thing that's happened. I just want to smack those people. (4)Also, a couple are taking the concern to a whole new level. They think this is either a sign of the end of times, or we're (as in our town) next. Sorry, but if the terrorists are wanting to destroy our nation, I don't think Hickville, USA is going to be high on their 'TO BOMB' list. I'm kinda going with the normal reaction (me, normal...hmm, that's new). Yet I'm trying to keep other minds from dwelling on the seriousness too much. Some people get it...others are like, "You're mean." I know this is a serious situation, and I'm not trying to simplify it, but we're out here in BFE, and we can't do anything about it...except pray (for those of us who do, and I am one of those). Current Mood:  discontentCurrent Music: the drone of the CNN reporter |
| Wednesday, September 5th, 2001 | |
| 4:21 pm | HEY YOU!!! If this is Jason reading this, I want to let you know that I know you're reading this. Now I have to lock all of my entries. If you wanted to know something so badly, why didn't you ask me? Once again, I'd appreciate if you'd quit telling everybody everything, too...Kinley jumped all over me today, yet I did NOTHING to deserve it! Thanx. |
| Sunday, July 1st, 2001 | |
| 12:06 am | Games and puzzles at 1 AM It's been a little while...I won't say two weeks because that would jinx it...The first puzzle has been completed, now for the more challenging 'game' of putting another together. This puzzle will be slower, more...I dunno...thought out? Maybe. It rained for a little while today, then the sun came out...a few hours later, we saw a long, thick rainbow...I told Mom about it because I had never seen one so pretty and distinct. She said it was a good sign. Please let her be right. |
| Thursday, June 21st, 2001 | |
| 1:16 pm | a new friend? Myers is making me a CD of all my favorite songs...I swear he's such a sweetie! Too bad he's one of my best friends...I swore I'd never go out with another guy friend...anyway, I've been getting these e-mails from this guy who says his name's Big Dick Daddy...he told me he found my pic on an adult website, and he wants to know if I want to get together...There are no pics of me on ANY adult website. It has to be someone I know playing a trick on me, but who? I don't think it's anyone from the Circle, cause they all have something better to do with their time, I think. It's got me wonderin'... I saw Leslie's car today...it looks exactly like mine on the inside...and almost just like mine on the outside...I like it. I had my first guitar lesson yesterday from A's ex... |
| Tuesday, June 19th, 2001 | |
| 8:27 pm | It's been a while since I've updated...a lot of things have changed...where do I begin? Well...Leslie and Jeremy aren't talking anymore. He says it was too hard to have a relationship with someone so far away, or some bullshit like that. Speaking of Leslie, she's supposed to get her car today, which is just like mine, except red and 4 door. She should be home any minute... Now as for me on the guy front...fuck Bryan! I mean, I still want to be friends with him, but let's just say, I didn't take the good advice given to me, and I got hurt...but what else is new? I'm always getting hurt by guys...Like right now, I'm talking to a local...wait, are we talking? It's hard to say...this time last week we were talking to each other every night, and Friday night he took me to Cape...I thought we had fun...and he said he did...the next day he called me and told me that he still liked me and still wanted us to hang out and everything, but...he just didn't want a girlfriend cause of the traveling he's gonna have to do this summer. I lied and told him I understood. I called him the next night, and he was asking a lot of questions about what I'd been doing, and talking a lot...then I had to get off of the phone, cause Jerry showed up...and Kipey let him in! My mom went nucking futz!!! He didn't call me at all yesterday...Oyster came over and talked to me while I got a little drunk, and I've yet to hear from him today...I'm not gonna call him though...If he wants to talk to me, he can call me...So much for being out of a depression. Damn. |
| Saturday, June 2nd, 2001 | |
| 5:37 am | Horoscope for 6/1/01: It's all a matter of being in the right place at the right time... I was good and asleep, but I woke up around ten minutes ago, and I can't get back to sleep...the previous day's events keep bustling through my head...I think it's safe to say Aaron's gone for good. PLEASE don't let me be speaking too soon... His best friend was in town tonight, and he had a couple of buddies with him. Aaron wasn't with them...maybe it's because he's sick, or maybe he's pouting, cause he knows that I know ALL about his past now. Note to self: Any guy that won't tell you about himself, only that he's a 'pretty innocent guy,' and wants YOU to find out the rest, probably has something scary hiding. I've been working toward getting Bryan for about a month now. I know that doesn't seem like long, because there are some people out there that harbor crushes for years and years, but never let the other person know. I'm not like that. If I know there's something (more like someONE) I want, I don't waste time...life's too short. I get out there and try my damndest with a little charm and a lotta new outfit...or I used to. After Joe, I basically have no self-esteem...he deflated it, and burned it to hell. I don't know how to get it all back, but maybe I will some day... Anyway...back to the Bryan situation. It seems like I've liked him ("like" seems like such an insignificant word, but what else can I use this early?) for longer than I would like to admit. I guess I'm impatient AND stubborn...So, Bryan and Oyster are best friends, and he's been trying to help me without coming right out and saying, "You should go out with Cuffy, because she's nuts about you." Hello, Captain Obvious! I had pretty much given up on his ever coming around...I was just gonna let whatever happen, happen...I don't like doing that either, but in this situation, I had no choice. So I was hanging at Oyster's, and Bryan walks in...my hands turn cold (what happens when I'm nervous), and I can't think of anything to say...which is, for anyone who really knows me, quite unusual. I say "really knows me" because, the only people I can truly be myself around is my best of friends...I don't know why that is...it just is...anyway...I finally get to talking, and Oyster's about to go show Bryan the pipes he got put on his truck to make his truck loud...and before we leave out of Oyster's room (where all his friends hang out at his house)Bryan has kissed me a couple times. In all the years I've known him, I've never kissed him until that afternoon...he repeats the action outside...then later on that night, we meet up, and he asks me to ride with him for a while, and as he drops me off back at my vehicle, he kisses me, and tells me he'll see me tomorrow. Two of my guy buddies (Myers and Adkission) followed me home, and told me they saw us "making out in his truck" and I try to act nonchalant about the whole episode...knowing I've already passed Cloud 9 and am making my ascent to Cloud 12...after they leave (a good half-hour later), I go in to call Oyster, and ask him what the hell's going on...but he's already in bed (I assume, because he was with Bryan earlier, but Bryan said Oyster wanted to get home to go to bed), since his last day at working at the local grocery store is today, and he didn't wanna get fired on his last day...how funny would THAT be??? Oyster was there for the initial hook-up, and he said he'd investigate further. I'm going to have to wait most of the day (until he gets off of work) to hear what's going on, and I guess that's what's giving me a little insomnia. I don't know if he was just playing around with me (like he wants to be friends with benefits), or if he's decided I really am sorry for (kinda) screwing him over before, and he wants...well, me I guess. Getting this all out has caused me to relieve the bustle, so I can get a few more hours of sleep....hallelujah! |
| Thursday, May 31st, 2001 | |
| 6:25 pm | Glimmering chances and dim hopes Aaron's back...in a way...I don't know whether or not to believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. Last week he told me that his grandma was doing great, and she was home from the hospital. I finally talked to him yesterday and he says the doctors told her she only has so many days to live. Something else that's funny: Oyster and I were driving around and I saw a truck exactly like Aaron's, and it looked like Aaron driving...I would've sworn it was him driving, but he said he was at home, deathly ill. Oh, and the reason he didn't call me? He was too sick to call that night, and just thought I'd call him the next day. So, we didn't talk for the better part of the week, and when we did talk, it was on ICQ, and he told me to call him at home that night...I told him I would....did I? Hell no. I know he's probably trouble, and I shouldn't have anything to do with him, but...no. Unless he comes round and finds me (not likely), I'm not going to have anything to do with him. Cause there's ONE thing I really want, and being with Aaron would greatly jeopardize me EVER getting it. In fact, if Aaron and I were together, I know I would lose the one sliver of chance I cling to of receiving what I've been gradually working to for a while. |
| 6:24 pm | Glimmering chances and dim hopes Aaron's back...in a way...I don't know whether or not to believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. Last week he told me that his grandma was doing great, and she was home from the hospital. I finally talked to him yesterday and he says the doctors told her she only has so many days to live. Something else that's funny: Oyster and I were driving around and I saw a truck exactly like Aaron's, and it looked like Aaron driving...I would've sworn it was him driving, but he said he was at home, deathly ill. Oh, and the reason he didn't call me? He was too sick to call that night, and just thought I'd call him the next day. So, we didn't talk for the better part of the week, and when we did talk, it was on ICQ, and he told me to call him at home that night...I told him I would....did I? Hell no. I know he's probably trouble, and I shouldn't have anything to do with him, but...no. Unless he comes round and finds me (not likely), I'm not going to have anything to do with him. Cause there's ONE thing I really want, and being with Aaron would greatly jeopardize me EVER getting it. In fact, if Aaron and I were together, I know I would lose the one sliver of chance I cling to of receiving what I've been gradually working to for a while. |
| Wednesday, May 30th, 2001 | |
| 11:45 am | Well....once again the 2 week rule has struck a new relatioship of mine...it seems that every since the Geek and I broke up,with every guy that I start seeing, something happens within the first two weeks to make us not see each other anymore. With Joe...I guess I'll never know what happened there...but it all ended within 2 weeks. With Chris, it lasted a little longer than 2, but there's always an exception. Kyle and I were never together really, so he's not subject to the rule...Lamar fell in love with Casey (again), and Aaron has just dropped off of the face of the earth. Which, in a way, is good, because I had heard stories on him that were actually kinda scary, so maybe I unconsiously distanced myself from him....but he looked so damn good!!! (OK, that was shallow, but....) Leslie and B. broke up....it was too funny... |
| Monday, May 28th, 2001 | |
| 5:12 am | "What did Andrew say about me?" AND "Bryan doesn't go for the girlfriend thing..." is what I was bombarded with whenever I walked through my door last night around 11...Oyster was on the phone, and had been chatting with my mom while waiting for me to come in. Earlier in the evening, Kippey and I had been having a great night (acting like we were on drugs, cause no one knew us...or so we thought) out in S-town, watching a child's movie, flirting with guys we didn't know, and running around Wally World...then we hear: "There they are!" Immediately, Kippey and I freeze in our tracks...it's Bryan and Andrew! How in the hell did they find us there, when they were all supposed to be at least another half-hour away. I was happy to see Bryan, but pissed off that they tracked us down...come to think of it, Oyster probably has a homing device on Kippey, tucked safely in his pants.... What supposedly happened at Show-Me's, I guess was supposed to make me mad, but the lip prints on Bryan's cheek didn't bother me...I rationalized that it was only because of his birthday. Oyster was there...so was Leslie's new man, Jeremy. After chatting with them all for a while, they left...Bryan didn't kiss me. So, at home later, I pick up the phone, and Oyster informs me that Bryan WILL NOT ask me out because he doesn't do the girlfriend thing, because it never seems to work out....OF COURSE IT HASN'T WORKED OUT!!! HE'S NOT MARRIED, IS HE??? So, I feel used, but Oyster says I wasn't used...I don't go around just kissig everyone, but I do realize that a kiss is not a contract...yet I can't help feeling like one of his SHos (S-town Hos)...and I'm not that way at all....then Oyster asks me what Andrew said about him while he wasn't there...Andrew has said maybe 5 words to me the whole time I've known him, and none of them was about Oyster...Andrew was supposed to 'get' Oyster somehow, but I guess he failed...but I did find out Andrew's weakness...I think Oyster knows too, but if he doesn't, I'm more than happy to help a cousin out...cause his weakness is an onery little hooker, and if she were somehow get involved in a big practical joke, it would delight me...she did a friend of mine wrong...and she should be gotten back...ho. Anyway, I'm depressed now about the whole Bryan thing, and am tired of being tossed around...I don't know whaI'm going to do yet, but whatever I decide...this time, it'll be good.... |
| Saturday, May 26th, 2001 | |
| 12:01 pm | Why can't I have a normal relationship?! Every time I think something's going good (like with a guy) someone, or something comes along to fuck it up...like last night, I was with Aaron and a bunch of other people uptown...well, this girl calls me over to the side and tells me not to mess with him cause he's a big player, and probably has stuff (now she actually said this) that AJAX couldn't scrub off....so I confronted him with these accusations, and he said, "Actually, I'm pretty innocent." Then, he went on to ask me if I was gonna believe what other people said, or was I gonna find out for myself what kind of person he is. I guess I'm gonna find out for myself, because I know what it's like to have lies told on me...and being a player??? I'm guilty, but not like I'm saying I'd do it again....I didn't call him when I got home last night, so he's supposed to call me some time today...oh, he gave me his beeper number and told me that the only people that had that number was his immediate family, a couple of friends, and his ex-girlfriend (whom he says hasn't beeped him in the past year). That's sweet and all, but I'm not stupid...I just let him think I was all impressed or whatever...I've got my guard up now, so I'm just gonna have fun... |
| Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001 | |
| 5:17 pm | Summer days d-riftin' away...to ah-ahhh those su-ummer nights... Last night, Aaron called, and he said we'd get to meet up tonight...which is VERY good...Mom wants me to go to a class meeting @ 7:30. That's about what time we (Kippey, Oyster, and I) were gonna leave to go meet Aaron...I'm not gonna go to the meeting, but I'm gonna have Leslie tell me everything I need to know about what's going on. After I got off of the phone with Aaron (I had been at 6 Flags all day...I was exhausted), Myers called. We wanted me to skip today and go fishing with a big group of people. I told him that there was stuff I had to take care of at school, but I'd talk to him later that day. I'm glad now that I didn't go, cause everyone that went got caught by Casey's mom...and they all came home a few hours early...Leslie and I cut out of there early, too, and went to get something to eat. As soon as we walked through the door of the restaurant, there sat one of the teachers from school, but all he said was, "Hi girls..." Whew. While we were waiting for our food, Chris and Gammons came in...I didn't think Chris was gonna talk, but he chatted away as if nothing had ever happened...maybe we can be friends now...which is good. This is gonna be a LONG summer, and I have no employment to speak of...they told me at the library that they were gonna give the job to someone that could work more hours, which made no sense to me, but if that's what they want... I'm just looking forward to tonight... |
| Monday, May 21st, 2001 | |
| 5:45 pm | For every to... there is a fro....to every stop, there is a go...and going I am...to Kentucky. Alone...for five days. I've never been alone for one day, let alone a handful of days. See, I got drum major for the upcoming year (YEA), but (BUT? *gasp*)....but I have to go to a camp for a school week this June, right before Kippey leaves. We'll probably have to have her going away party a little earlier than scheduled....which is fine... Oyster told me to give up on Bryan...I didn't want to, I really didn't...then I got to talking to Aaron...We met on ICQ (yeah, bad idea), and we live pretty close together...well, every time we're both on, we talk for, like, ever. I've met him before, but only got to talk to him for a few minutes. Yesterday we met up again, and I talked to him for about an hour...then on ICQ later for about another hour....THEN he gave me his number, and we talked for ANOTHER hour...he's so cute, and nice and all this stuff....I tease him and call him a little rich kid, only cause he is, but that's not really a problem, I don't think....unless I turn out not to be good enough for him...I supposed to call him here in a little while... I just got back from Sikeston with Oyster. He had to go pick out a shirt for the awards ceremony tonight. I'm not gonna go...If I get any awards, Kippey will tell me... Tomorrow is the big class trip to 6 Flags. Woo-hoo. Can you sense the excitement? Yep. That's cause I'm REALLY dishin it out. Yee.haw. I have to be at the greatest institution (other than Charter) at 6 in da mornin....arg. I loathe mornings. |
| Sunday, May 20th, 2001 | |
| 10:28 am | Fast times @ EP High Well...Oyster tried, and it seems that Bryan holds grudges...WHY does that always happen to me? Turns out, the friend I had that asked me to go riding with him while I was talking to my (now, but then current bf) ex, liked me as more than a friend, and thinks I screwed him over. How the hell was I screwing him over when I didn't know he liked me as more than a friend!? That friend was Bryan...now he pretty much doesn't want anything to do with me...Ugh. I hope this is the last chapter of me getting what I deserve. They say everything comes back to you. Believe that. I'm living proof. Even if you don't know you did someone wrong, but you did, it will come back to you. My 'thing' went pretty well last night. Kippey never showed, but she was with her dad...Oyster was with Bryan (and that wasn't ABOUT to happen!). Casey and Shawn were there....so were Myers and Gammons (when everyone else left, we all went riding around in Myers' truck, where my ex pulled us over...it was so funny because he didn't know I was in the truck...lol). Of course, Leslie was there, and Josh A. came by for a little while, but left when Leslie had to go home. Aimee was over at Willie's (next door), so she came by for a little while too. It was a nice, small little get-together thing...After a while of hanging out, we all went riding around...before last night, I never knew I could fit 6 people into my Dodge Shadow...it was fun...Leslie invited Bobo and B. to come, but they went and picked up Joe and didn't show up. I would've probably told them to leave...another reason it was good that they didn't show: Josh was there...he and Leslie are...I don't know what they are, it's confusing. I'm supposed to go swimming with Leslie here in a little while over at her sister's...B. lives around the corner, and the seniors (B. included)don't leave for the cruise until 3...hmmm...this could be interesting... |