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February 4th, 2005
01:57 am
going home tomorrow, early afternoon.
work from 3-close, then who knows.
be back in h'burg on Saturday.
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February 3rd, 2005
10:52 pm
"I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up"
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Pictures in an Exhibition
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06:44 pm
I got pictures developed.
one roll that I had no clue what it was
and one I was afraid of seeing
the random roll was just stuff from last year..
back to last halloween and last winter actually.
the other was the last time I visited my grandparents over the summer.
last visit before he died.
I wasn't ready to see them yet.
I wish I would stop crying.
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Strange Love Triangle (mix)
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01:51 pm
I decided to walk to class in the snow today.
That way I can give that speech to my kids. I'll just make up the part about having no shoes.
but yeah, bad idea.
snow wouldn't stick to the roads, but it certainly loved on me.
I was a snowball.
wish I'd had my camera though.
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03:30 am
my Blue Collar Comedy tour inspired calendar:
You might be a redneck if ...
your will is written on a Post-it note.
that's not redneck. That's hot.
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03:27 am
I finished my paper. I'm really too tired to care.
4 classes and then the weekend.
I remember when that used to mean something, like rest
weekend=work now, two-fold in fact.
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01:25 am
I feel violated.
very against people reading what I write.
well contradictory as that sounds, it's true. yes, I write in here ad nauseum, but it's not something that I put thought into. not something that I turn in for the approval of others. it's bad enough when the professor reads it, but to be released to any and everyone, ick. makes me wanna vomit.
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February 2nd, 2005
01:11 pm
sometimes I would kill for one fantastic kiss
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02:12 am
I need to quit going to bed so late.
class in eight hours.
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February 1st, 2005
11:46 am
I find it funny that the bunnyface always falls to sleep when I listen to Hilary Duff.
Don't know if he loves it or hides from it.
Current Music: Lizzie McGuire (Hilary Duff) - What Dreams Are Made Of
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11:18 am
I emailed Dr. Geary about the independent study for next semester.
I'm nervous now.
hope he says yes.
That would make my day.
Current Music: Diane Macedo - Castles in the Sky
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01:33 am
my eyes hurt. if they fall out, can I sue JMU?
I decided to look at scheduling stuff for next semester already, yes I am THE BIGGEST dork in the world. I know. I think I'm gonna ask Dr. Geary if I can do an independent study with him next semester ... that would be so perfect. I love him AND I would get to do my major authors course.
my plan as of right now:
this summer:
gsci 104
fall 2005:
-major author course, independent study or otherwise
-two 400 level history courses
-one 300 level history course
-one 200 level history course
spring 2006:
-two 400 level history courses
-tw0 300 level history courses
-possible English course
I think I reserved the right to pull a Carly and say "I hate my life"
this whole second major thing may not be the best idea
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January 31st, 2005
02:55 pm
I think I'm better now, maybe. Went on this suicidal depression "I hate me" downward spiral last night. I get like that sometimes and I just don't know why. My head is starting to hurt too ... I really, really hope that this isn't another migraine coming on. I've got too much to do this week. Good news is that I'm almost better from last week's nasty combination of hacking cough and losing my voice. Hopefully chorus will be more enjoyable now that I'm closer to my normal range for soprano 1 rather than alto 2 and dipping into tenor.
I've really missed music. I mean, listening to the radio and cds isn't nearly the same as actually playing. I'm really thinking about bringing the violin down here the next time that I go home. I doubt that I have any music left from hs, and the probability of me remembering pieces is slim to none right now. Excuse to go buy sheet music perhaps? :)
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12:33 pm
"for what it's worth, it was worth all the while"
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12:28 am
it's always everything at once.
always.
happy mediums still allow for happiness.
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12:01 am
Baby, I get so scared inside
And I don't really understand
Is it love that's on my mind
Or is it fantasy.
Heaven is in the palm of my hand
And it's waiting here for you
What am I supposed to do
With a childhood tragedy.
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same.
Sometimes it's hard to hold on
So hard to hold on to my dreams
It isn't always what it seems
When you're face to face with me.
You're like a dagger and stick me in the heart
And taste the blood from my blade
And when we sleep would you shelter me
In your warm and darkened grave.
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remained unchanged
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same.
Will you ever take me
No, I just can't take the pain
But would you ever trust me
No, I'll never feel the same.
I know I've been so hard on you
I know I've told you lies
If I could have just one more wish
I'd wipe the cobwebs from my eyes.
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remained unchanged
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same.
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
You gotta close your eyes for me.
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January 30th, 2005
11:36 pm
I feel empty inside.
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09:12 pm
Sigh. I'm sad now. Did homework with the promise to myself that I could watch Desperate Housewives but now it's not on, and my the abc description, I think it's going to be a rerun when it comes on later tonight. I was really looking forward to watching my favorite show, having a glass of wine, and most importantly taking a reading break. grr.
So I think I scared my Courtney dearest whilst grocery shopping tonight. Went on my monster blueberry bread tangent. I had fun, she got frightened. Twas all good. I love my Walmart time. I especially love it when I only spend thirty dollars on groceries because I am the bargain and cheapness finding queen. Really now, I can make a complete meal for under a dollar. Booya.
guess I should go read some more?
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01:53 pm
I'm really loving having my ipod. It's kind of like my life has a soundtrack now ... a very extensive one anyway. And it helps me to be happier and more considerate: I don't need to blast my 'scary music' as Pud calls it, but rather I can just directly bombard my eardrums. I'm gonna hate me when I'm old.
Today's one of the brother's birthdays ... he's 17. That terrifies me on so many levels. They're all teenagers now. Ick ick ick. Somehow that's not allowed in my head. It also worries me because I was a lot more mature at their ages than they are now, collectively. Yes, boys aren't usually as with it as girls ('cause, you know, boys suck) but still.
Today shall be the day of cleaning and homework. Too bad I'm not motivated to do anything, though that shall soon change. Cleaning always makes me feel better, for some sick reason. Idiosyncratic tendencies and all.
Current Music: A-ha - Velvet
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January 29th, 2005
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