we forget to live.

Time:	10:55 pm.
Mood:	peaceful.

it is saturday night and i vowed not to go out and see the blood robots, or bang, or anything exciting, because i have a lot lot lot of homework... but i thought instead i'd come on here and read people's journals. again. i watched the beginning of bedknobs and broomsticks.. i wish there *was* a witch's correspondence school. i am working quite a bit, its lovely on saturdays to get $20 an hour. mmmmnnmm i feel like eating something nice, but i already made myself a strawberry pineapple ginger apple and orange juice, and had wild rice and a litttle bit of apple cake. aaaha i think i need a liquueur, that would be purrfect. i will get some now for when nat arrives.

the blossoms are so fragrant at the moment, the other day we were talking about what white blossoms would taste like - you know the ones with a hint of pink in the middle? well it ended up being a mixture of marshmallow, turkish delight, meringue and i think it was a dash of lemon juice right at the end? i cant remember exactly but i wish blossoms were edible. maybe they are actually... i've never tried.

in january i made these resolusssshny things.

01 make a gorgeous double breasted corduroy jacket with big buttons and pockets
i haven't started this yet.

02 copy that dress that eliza nat and i saw yesterday, very cute made out of thick curtainy material with pleats
i haven't started this yet either.

03 muck around lots and lots with my neew slr camerarara
i did do this and i am turning into a photo-kind-of-girl

04 start flamenco lessons
i did this too and its soso fun

05 get a tattoo on my arrm
i plan to do this soon, perhaps next holidays. yes.

06 wear lipstick sometimes
hmm i think i have worn it twice this year. i am going to steal some lipstick from my little sister or mum.

07 design things. oh i have the best idea (well it kind of involves umbrellas) but i dont want to tell you in case YOU steal it. not YOU who already knows! the other one. yes you.. ssh
i don't really remember the exact ideas but its still sort of there...

alright goodnight xoxoxooxox

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Time:	8:09 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	rrrrradio.

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. music score: 32
2. photography score: 23
3. movies score: 19
4. stars score: 19
5. singing score: 16
6. books score: 16
7. poetry score: 14
8. friends score: 14
9. coffee score: 12
10. harry potter score: 12
11. rain score: 12
12. sex score: 11
13. chocolate score: 11
14. guitar score: 10
15. dreaming score: 10
16. shopping score: 10
17. drawing score: 10
18. cats score: 10
19. emo score: 10
20. hugs score: 10

coded by

ixwin
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hello well i am just getting the hang of using my ultra new special imac computer and have been on the internet this chilly sunday night a-catching up on peoples journals and schtuff..
one person has deleted their journal hrmmm shaun are you still out there?
i like reading rani's journal and her boyfriend thom's but i kind of feel a bit vouyerourerouistic seeing that i am so bad at writing regularly so its like im just guzzling everyones journals down, and you two write often, its nice. actually im not guzzling it down more like just reading it sleepily. but anyway thats where i got this quizzy thing yesterday.

well theres no place to begin really but i'll just babble a bit. last night we got stoned and listened to beth gibbons&rustin; mann and it was so so amazing, its funny i saw them play in germany and wasnt that fussed.. but yeah i was so calm and quiet and the music was all i could hear and for the first time in months and months i felt sort of free.. hrmm not free, well i was saying i felt empty at the time but i didnt mean it in a negative way. my minds just so crammed with coffee and .. i dont know, uni i guess. so it was beautiful to be completely meditating on that music. oooh anyway im sort of in the frame of mind that i just cant think of how to explain thingssss, i need a change, but dont know how... i think im jsut floating around a bit at the moment. which i suppose is alright. i guess its just wintery and people just become strange. so i'll just hang in there and summer will soon pop up and i can't wait to fall asleep in my backyard under the sun. today nat and i walked down into the gorge and there were running creeks and frogs.. and secret little caves and we sat on a fence with a view of the city and the sea and contemplated stuff. isn't it exciting reading my obscure non-descriptive journal entry. i think i'll stop now and probably will write again in a few monthsssssss lots of love from jessica xoxoox

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Time:	4:27 pm.
Mood:	artistic.

hello dearest journal i dont have infinite time to type or think or write, but i mostly just wanted to write that i sometimes worry about my state of mind. recently i have been falling asleep very quickly as soon as i have a little break or lapse in the day where nothing is happening. and at night... well then the fun begins. nat has been a witness a few times but... well.. i am having dreams in split seconds then waking up again and its all very confusing -

'i should clean those candles..'

muahaha.. it involves candles and something a bit sexual but kind of just strange and nat and i giggled about it allll night yesterday. i have many good new cds, and tessa burned me erykah badu's baduizm which is really cool! i recommended it to her though i didnt have it myself.im happy.

here are a few plans and wishes for this year (and beyond knowing me..)

01 make a gorgeous double breasted corduroy jacket with big buttons and pockets
02 copy that dress that eliza nat and i saw yesterday, very cute made out of thick curtainy material with pleats
03 muck around lots and lots with my neew slr camerarara
04 start flamenco lessons
05 get a tattoo on my arrm
06 wear lipstick sometimes
07 design things. oh i have the best idea (well it kind of involves umbrellas) but i dont want to tell you in case YOU steal it. not YOU who already knows! the other one. yes you.. ssh

on tuesday i saw lost in translation which is such a beautiful movie, by sofia coppola (yes franks daughterr) and i love her stuff THIS much (!!!!) .. like the virgin suicides its sort of a quiet, sweet film that has so much to do about what goes on in the background, in one scene bill murray is hopelessly trying to communicate with this mad old japanese woman (or man? not sure it was so strange) and these two middle aged women were just giggling in the background - it seemed so real! like they were just sitting there when they filmed it, its so sweet and real or not i was impressed. oh tokyo is beautiful and i want to save next for a trip to asia. i love love. but its funny, i am always changing my mind about what i love best.

i love all things trashy, and after seeing queens of the stone age and the distillers last week i was like "oh! oh!! i want to be a rockstar! i want to just go crazy and rock out and black and skulls and guitars and boots are the coolest"

but the week before that when we went to see turin brakes and special patrol, i was so dreamy and happy and thinking about love and quietness and sleeping and just wanting to be the calmest grey girl in the world. and the audience was beautiful, i didnt really know turin brakes that well but you could see all the fans, they were so happy to be there! not crazily screaming happy but completely blisslike, you could see them smiling and swaying and its a beautiful thing to see.
so what is going to be the happy medium? hmmmmm i dont know..

i cant wait until uni begins, its such an exciting thing to be getting into! art every day. aaah how delicious. i made a bag for uni, what i did is buy a purple canvas kids library bag and stick gorgeous ribbons and brocadey stuff and red lace onto it. i love it to bits.

alright im tired of talking now. i shall err, keep you posted i suppose. love love love from jessica xoxox

Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.

Time:	1:09 am.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	hummmmmmmming computer fannoise.

hello.
ive had a nice weekend. quiet but then kind of noisy at the same time. on friday nat brought his bike around and we went on the bike tracks, up to the warriparinga wetlands and then down to glenelg where we popped in on marie and went and had vanilla malt milkshakes down at maxwells.. then back home.

then we went to my cousins 18th meal at this fancy japanese restaurant in oconnell street (for those few who read this not from adelaide well thats kind of a trendy street in north adelaide and north adelaide is a bit fancyish) and we had to take our shoes off and sit in a hole. this was all a new experience for me. nat had one of his first intense pullen-family experiences ... everybody was tense but happy and well..

"Jessie WHY was easter always so bad? i thought easter was the occasion we most tried to be happy at! christmas, well christmas is often bad.. oh birthdays are always the worst.."

hahha it was pretty entertaining. anyway we were wanting to get to see fruit (!!!!!) asap so i drove there though i had drunk two glasses of red and one champagne.. but i think thats alright, i have just gotten my full license and dont really understand the ins and outs of it alcohol limits yet. well look. fruit were amazing...

and if you dont like them, you should. and if you dont know them, well.. thats okay. i have loved them from when they were first together (about '96)and theyve grown so much and mel, sam and susie have the most amazing beautiful angelic (lovely!) voices and they sing tingling harmonies and yanya is a cool drummer, wow! and the bass player is new and he is cool too. (wow i could write reviews with my incredible descriptions). and nat and i were talking about them afterwards.. how they are just full of love and goodness and they bring out the best in everyone.. so many types of music are so exclusive, sometimes you turn up at a gig and if you dont know the right words to say, or what bands are similar, or what exactly happens in the music you are uncool. but fruit are just not like that at all, they are so accepting and and andd

well anyway that was a nice night. just me nat eliza and marie. marie is a groovy designer.

then saturday night, after a fun filled la porchetta young thirteen yr old birthday, we went up to town to see paul play, nats old bass teacher, and we bloody realised it was the fuse festival!!!!! my god! it was good. we saw a band that was a bit like directions in groove at the isobar, then these qld guys called stray dogs who were beatboxers and rappers, kind of old school (i think?), really intense!i loved it. that was at the cargo club, and then we went back to the isobar to see entropic, they were from sydney. they were reaaally amazing, jazzy electronic, with this fantastic keyboard player and they were laid back and smooth and good. the isobar is so nice, adelaide has some good venues. theres this little room in there called the vault, its just a .. vault! and theres a bamboo beer garden thing out the back. apparently the minke bar is closed and nobody knows why. WHY??? its so amazing there! *pout* they have this upstairs bit that has a massive bosey setup, im sure ive talked about that before. but anyway its nice. well its just going to have to be the supermild, gov, isobar and jade monkey. they are the nicest venues i can think of. but i havent been to jive yet. so many places seem to have opened up since i left for europe. alright well then last of all at the isobar we saw spacejunk, they are very cool! two girl singers, james brown on guitar, a sax player, a funky drummer and bassist.. anyway kim produced their newly released album and i did work experience with him. they were really good.. i love adelaide bands! yeah. alright i sound terribly excited dont i. ssssh

but i am happy there are lots of gigs at the moment. its summer and its lovvvvvely. (though its rainy and cold at the moment) this week i want to see mel watson (from fruit) play, also another friend of a friends band on thurs (cant think of name), and on fri or sat im seeing leslie my aunt dance in this big flamenco extravaganza, then on the 30th dirty lucy are playing. i think theyre from victoria and its a girl guitarist and a girl electrick violinist. very nice.

what else. we are all going to radiohead next year, hooray. okay no more music for a bit.
actually its 2am so i might head to bed
gosh!
i either dont write at all or write an awful lot.
all ive done today is sit around, sleep, watch telly, sew a few patches on my jeans, and cook some pasta.well it may sound productive but it wasnt! i was lazy!and boring. and christian is online but away, luke as usual was fake-abusing me so thats the end of that and now im just talking to nick which is really nice. tomorrow's AIM is to get a job. it cant be so hard!!!! aaaagh. alright my loves goodnight xoxoxooxoxoox jessica

Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	yes im awake (incredible really after last nights effort)
Time:	9:59 pm.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	Under the Milky Way - The Church in my head.

my sister is reciting romeo and juliet off by heart..
almost perfect apart some a few subtle 'ummm's
wow!
impressive. its a long paragraph

anyway. i always make myself sound like an idiot as i just did to christian trying to explain how im sort of frustrated because everybody is so fake and now i just sound nasty and cruel. aaaaaagh

you know when you are just stuck in a rut? oo im so stuck in one. so instead of being absolutely boring i'll talk about the nice stuff ive done since being back.

we went and saw something for kate a few weeks ago.. it was really good, not that i know any of their stuff apart from beautiful sharks and the singer is cute. they did a david bowie cover and they had this beautiful song called strategy or perhaps they just said strategy a lot. it was beautiful. i had a lovely night then.. i was happy and we were seated and it was okay and i had missed the thebarton theatre. all is full of love.

also went to nick, nat and lenni's first gig with their band called 'landings' at the jade monkey. they were the first band before this is your captain speaking and brer mouse. it was the most wonderful atmosphere, kind of like a private party because all different friends turned up. i chatted all night to people i hadnt seen in months.. about atmospheric music, about death drivers, about grannies in the candybar, about sleeping with your mother (elliot was saying things like 'nah its good to talk to you girls, sometimes guys are boring..' and then would remember he was a boy and when he said 'i once slept with my mother' the night was set).

and everybody was connected and the music was all instrumental til brer mouse.. the melbourne band had typewriters and everything, and celeste, jason and i began talking to the guitarist (from this is yr captain...) outside in the pretty beer garden, (my mum said he looked like he was from melbourne because of his trendy haircut, and thought lenin's stuff sounded like the who) but he was a nice guy and i asked him if he knew this boy called rowan, just to see if melbourne is anything like adelaide. but he didnt. know that is. he just wanted some scotch but the bar was closed.

anyway so i loved the jade monkey. it was trendy and dark and had beautiful fadey fairy lights, it was just kind of.. intimate and .. well i was drinking straight midori with ice which was fruity. i missed that in spain. we just drank red wine, my grandpa would try to make nat and eliza drink his awful aniseed liqueur, and at fiestas you could buy 'minis' for a few euros and you would get a wine bottle sized thing full of cider.

something we loved about spain was that people love to be out.. any time of night.. one time at about five in the afternoon we were walking to my cousins house who lives over the motorways sort of in this dry countryish soon-to-be part of madrid town - and we came across some sort of dancing club, and there was a band with horns and there were all these old couples singing and dancing. and we were at this noisy fiesta once.. at two in the morning the old couples were STILL out dancing and singing and drinking at the main square
gosh it was packed...
we had a crazy basque guy come up to us and babble about the patriotic stupid spanish and how they hate basques and things.. (the basques have something like the IRA called ETA for those who dont know yr spanish history - they bomb places and assassinate people every now and again.. about once a week i suppose).

im currently biting my nails and contemplating that crazy malted vanilla milkshake i just made. it had about 8 teaspoons of malt and maybe.. 7 of vanilla. sticky

tomorrow i may begin to dread my hair (finally)! again, it needs something as it becomes a tangling black mess. im growing my hair, its black and sort of.. strange.. nice but equally bad. i bought some 99c embroidery cottons at lincraft and will wrap some colour around it

i sort of lost track of where i was or where im up to
its 1.20am and ive done a million other things and well i'll write more another time soon.

love always jessica
xo xo xo

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	venice
Time:	11:12 am.
Mood:	calm.

wow

prepare for a surprise
i am writing an entry.. and i know its rare but i know its good and im so sleepy im always a bit sleepy

i dont know where i should begin.. what was i last writing? perhaps i was in london, perhaps?
since then i have been in a few places in spain, crossed through france, and arrived in venice. now i will make my way through hamburg either through austria or france or belgium or even go to cologne where rowan will be .. that would be nice..
oh seeing eliza and pat will be nice!
i had a crazy time in madrid. sam came and we had a ball. my grandpa talked to him about bullfights and football, my grandma fed him and i took him around to all the lovely places in madrid, the prado, the retiro ( a big big park with lakes with rowboats and palacey looking buildings and men playing guitar and amateur poets testing their works out and you drink beer and try to pat the sparrows)
the week before i went with sam i went by myself to read peacfully and i i heard some strange noises and turned around to see a man.. behind bushes.. panting.. pantings down, underpants pant pant ack and i ran away as he was watching me.
i have had too many weird things like this happen to me since i was gone. i talked about it with sam, as it makes me feel very insecure and perhaps only sleazy old men are attracted to me but sam thinks everybody looks at me. ha that made me feel better! apparently i have a 'baby doll' quality (what the fuc k are you talking about sam) a mixture between betty boop (??????? oh MY god) and something else.
i feel like a monster.
but anyway when sam was here we also saw the thievery corporation play at a trendy spanish venue bar club and with their singersand sitars and percussionists and reggae i was very much in heaven. there were some nice people there that i spoke to in spanish but i couldnt understand it at all because the music was loud but the main thing was they were nice. young pretty alternative girls instead of pantsy men.
that week i also so bjork
oh oh oh
she was amazing, i was in tears, and later found that my love had also been in tears over the same song at the same time but in the early hours of the morning and mine was in the late eveningnight and perhaps you think its a silly old thing but i felt so ... amazing ... and emotional landscapes... it puzzled me... i am in love though and romance can make anything come true cant it nathanael *kiss* wish wish wish

then sam and i went to valencia we went to an acquarihummmmm where there were sharks, and other fishes. i liked the giant japanese spider crab best who had very long thin legs. i wanted to prove that they could see us on the other side of the glass and stared at a crab in the corner for about fifteen minutes and it eventually crawled over to me. really. valencia was niceish and i wanted to get a tattoo but i still havent, i will soon. on my arm. sssshh dont worry i wont get too many more but one is not enough
then we went to barcelona.. tsk
it was beautiful but i enjoyed it best without sam for he had changed into a nasty confused boy and i had enough and i was very upset. never felt so alone ..i called eliza from a phonebox for a few hours busy busy dark dark road near the sea and a train station.at about 11.30pm and bawled for a while. life and love seemed so far away and i was absolutely stuck in a campsite with a boy in a tent who was desperately (well i think it seemed desperate) wanting to get drunk and stoned and get girls and not talk to me
on the last day i went to the picasso museum and a dali exhibition oh.. it was incredible, all his sculpturesand crazy seckxsual drawings and

ooh! i hear thunder..
apparently storms in venice can be tornadoey
oooo ooh!
i love storms especially when its dark and youre awake and watching it all.. anyway dali was incredible and i liked the exhibition it was kind of underground like with red velvet curtains you had to push through to get to the next dark room
in the gothic area there are so many little artsy spaces so i just popped into a few and met some mad artists. oh barcelona is so artsy, i went to all the gaudi places nearby and the best bit was when i visited casa battlo which was a crazy converted building with funny wavey looking ceilings and a staircase that looked like a spinal column and every room was magical, anyway they had a little talky telephone guide and in the background 'frosti' by bjork was playing! wow! it was very quiet but just a little thing like that was so special
that night i had a great chat about religion, philosophy and life and astronomy and english politics (english people love their politics) with the hippy couple who lived in a big crazy van, which they referred to as 'she' all the time (it was a flo)
we drank many litres of beer but i didnt get drunk
its raining now. loud. hard. rain
i might turn this off and finish tomorrow because i fear this might explode
oo!
xooxoxoox
okay its the next morning now.. what was i up to, oh yes after explorering barcelona for a week or so i took a bus to venice. i didnt want to be with sam any more so he went through france. he is coming to hamburg though. the bus took 22 hours but it didnt seem too bad. except i was squashed behind the most obnoxious woman i have ever seen, she was just pushy and grumpy and would get cross at anybody who did something towards her. she'd humph and sigh and grumble. and she was young too! perhaps about 30. tsk. imagine when she is a grandma
i got to venice and it was so so hot and it has been ever since. i havent explored the city yet but im going in today. every other day i have been down at the beach with sarah and francesco and zoe and jack.. swimming, sleeping, walking... oo its nice but i do miss adelaide beaches that are quiet and empty.. these are absolutely full of people, there are a few interesting characters- one woman that sarah and i have decided enjoys self mutilation because she sits in the sun aaalll day and she looks so browny red but its very very strange, she looks dreadful! some people you know look fine brown but she just looks a bit sick because she was obviously quite pale and shes just gone to the extreme. im sure youll see her when you come to venice eliza, as i imagine she will be at the beach all summer! and her cappana is next to ours. a cappana is a little hutty thing to keep all your clothes and beachy things. im writing thing a bit too much

anyway so im up to the next bit now.. getting to hamburg. im putting it off because i dont want to go into the bus station but i must... aaagh...
stop writing on this jessica..
anyway i have been in europe now for almost five months but its gone very fast and the next stage is going to be ultra exciting, firstly the hurricane festival shall be fun fun and i will see bjork again and oh it will be amazing to see sigur ros and theres so many more, beck i think, i wonder if he will be anything like when i saw him at the royal albert hall, i dont know if i wrote about it on here but he was incredible, all solo but using a million and one instruments, funny eighties sounding drumbeats on machines and guitars and accordions and piano
so... so far in europe i have seen beck, lamb, bjork, thievery corp, a few small locally things... not too bad but i could have seen a bit more. mm..
nat is coming to europe in about two weeks .....! he manages to occupy my mind all day and night, i just want him to be here so that we can experience it all together. i keep wondering what it will be like to see him again. i imagine i will want to steal him away after coming to meet him at the airport.. find a secret hidden place and just kiss and talk and giggle and then a few days later crawl out again to face the world. instead im sure we will come back to the flat and my grandparents will try to talk and feed him to death even though it shall almost be midnight but they are so very nice, so it doesnt really matter.. and after that perhaps we can sneak away.

i think i should go now really
these last few weeks have been very hard... i never imagined i would fall out with sam but i did and that is a shame, i really felt so dreadful and alone and god i missed everyone and i was stuck in barcelona as all the french trains were on strike and it was all a bit too much but now im calm again and really i suppose i am a very up and down kind of person.. teary and smiley and calm and agitated all in one day. thats alright isnt it?
i also was thinking about how i havent kept in contact very well.. im sure that darling christian thinks this but at least i am always thinking of him! and i wrote you an email last night so i am getting better. perhaps. and i speak to my parents quite often but i feel bad not to have written more to everyone. then again its not such a long time and im sure nobody minds too much, actually its probably a relief as they dont have to write to mebut god i do love you all a lot. yes.

sorry this has been a total ramble but like i constantly say (do i ever have anything original to say? mm nope) im just that kind of person
barely anybody must read this any more and many of my livejournal friends have deleted me and i usually only get a few comments, sometimes from eliza or one of the beaman boys but oh well... i guess this is for myself anyway
love always

jessica xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	good good good good...........
Time:	12:17 pm.
Mood:	excited.
Music:	poppy radio, not too bad...

hello my darlings

well, i am currently in another internet cafe - two days in a row now, ack - waiting to catch my ferry to a little island called sikinos. i have spent two interesting but frutsrating days in athens.. and today i took the electric train (its like the metro but .. thats what they call it..) to pyras or wherever i am now, its the port of athens.

sooo, well i will start from the startish. i left london early monday morning, it was pouring with rain, grey and cold. the plane ride was nice, far less traumatic than coming out from australia (i was distraught leaving adelaide, sobbing so loudly, people probably thought i was mad). i had some red wine, read the rest of my isabel allende book (paula: its very good, not like, life-changing but it was effective) and listened to air. anyway the views were amazing on the flight, saw the swiss alps, italy, and finally some of the greek islands.. aah. the sea was blue and it just looked gorgeous. mm. warmth, that is something that really makes me feel good. i am such a different person when its warm. strange but its true.. i was beginnning to be grumpy and sort of.. distant, just like most londoners are. well i know you know thats a generalisation but seriously a lot of english people have that attitude and im sure its to do with the weather, even if they don't think so.

so. well my hotel room was clean but.. well i had a balcony, and the view outside was of a rooftop which had been turned into a dump of some sort, consisting only of toilet bowls and seats. nice hey? when it said 'comes with tv, ensuite and balcony' they *could* have mentioned something about 'balcony view of toilets'
aaah. anyway it was cosy enough, and i watched the truman show and some old eighties film with nicole kidman and sandra bullock acting as witches. i'd never seen it before. they were what i did at night because i didn't fancy going out to explore at night by myself, not because i was scared but because greek men are horrible monsters that follow you everywhere. they're not really sleazy, theyre just terribly persistent.. i can't describe to you how persistent - for those of you who know him, its like shane, but a thousand times worse.. i was offered cd's, drinks, coffee, motorbike rides, taxi rides, given three peoples phone number, some guy came up to me while i was eating at a cafe and said 'i like your style, girl!' and waited for me until i finished there (i dont know where he was, i thought he'd left) and he followed me to the station, i told him no no no but he kept coming, saying 'why do you reject me? is it my colour?' (he was african looking, quite good looking but thats not the point!) anyway it had been a long day and he was the last straw. i just said 'LOOK. i'm tired, i've had this all day, i HAVE a boyfriend, its NOT your colour, i don't even know you, and i JUST WANT TO GO TO BED' and anyway i think once i said boyfriend he gave up hope and was suddenly much friendlier and said 'oh im so sorry' and shook my hand and left. ack. i can't believe some people.

anyway. not all was bad there. the city is dusty, dirty, but i like it. there are stray cats and dogs everywhere, i just want to adopt them all, they look so sad and lonely. they nap in the sunny spots at street corners and things. i walked around a lot, bought a few too many things, including a huge punnet of strawberries which i thought i could eat but felt sick after about half. some where about seven centimeters long, i almost felt a bit raunchy when i bit off the ends! i walked to montasiraki or whatever its called, thats sort of the old part of town (though theres loads of old parts, athens is huge) - and i walked up to the top of the hill, this is where the acropolis was. i could have gone in but it was pretty expensive and it was really nice to see from the outside, and there were this big slippery talc rocks you could climb, and once you were sitting at the top of them you could see the whole of athens, all the white buildings, cathedrals or temples or whatever they are here.. green hills, other ruins - columns and things.. and i watched the sunset up there. i was there for about three hours, relaxing and reading. unfortunately a guy called abed talked to me for about three hours but i pretty much ignored him and he seemed happy to chat away about his life and things.. it was interesting to hear so i just let him talk. then i left the beautiful view and walked down again.. its like what you see in postcards and things, there were these steep alleyways, everythings cream or white, cobblestones, and there are cafes and at the end of the road you see beautiful views. mm. very romantic. i wished nat had been there with me, he would love walking around up there, seeing all the trees and just the view, there were hippy drummers, people strumming guitar.. its such a funny old lifestyle here. the markets are great, in this old buildings with orange tiled rooves and you go down these scary steps and theres little underground havens, full of furniture, or flowers, or ceramics.. all different things.

oh i have so much to write.. but no time as my ferry comes soon. its a nine hour trip to sikonos, i get there at midnight apparently! its all a bit of an adventure, i know i probably sound so childish but it *is* exciting. and my mobile is not working, which is bad but at the same time i feel so independent, crazy but still. love you all. things are good. i just want to dance around. mm im sure this feeling will only last a while. i saw beck last weekend.....
oh god! i want to write about it.
next time..
(he was fucking amazing)
i hope to write again soon, missing everyone, wherever you all are, i miss you!
adieu xooxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoxooxx

Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	phew!
Time:	2:43 pm.
Mood:	creative.
Music:	the sound of pouring rain outside.. aah london.

aaah an easy way to fill up an entry. seeing that my two beautiful friends eliza and christian did this quiz i thought i would tag along. i really miss writing down my thoughts and ideas and things, i shall hopefully write properlier one day soon. i am flying to athens on monday! i am just going to talk to as little people as possible and walk around and sleep and read and write. shall be a beautiful break. xxoxoxox

1)If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be?
well i do love the sound of french. or if not, portuguese.. its such a soft sultry smooth language.. i would like to learn icelandic to understand björk lyrics

2)If you could have the starring role in any film already made, what would it be?
lola from run lola run, or amelie. actually i really wouldn't mind being rei in neon genesis, shes a little bit strange.. oh but thats a tv show

3)If you could receive one small package this very moment, who would it be from and what would be in it?
one *small* package?
i want a massive one! oh no, not really. this is really hard because i really do want packages from everybody. so perhaps i would like a small package full of little tiny notes from my friends and family. maybe there would be little sparkly things and other magical objects inside. sorry to be a bit vague

4)If you could own one painting from any collection in the world but were not able to sell it, which work of art would you select?
hmm i really do love waterhouse's cerce (im not copying you christian honest).. but im sure i could find something else, maybe modern, a portrait or something just really textured and with depth and abstraction that makes you wonder about it days after you've looked at it. maybe a whiteley or james gleeson work. i would love to own a work of each of my arty friends, seriously. if anybody made me a painting i would feel very special. i am also hoping to start making paintings for everyone i know next year..

5)If you were instantly able to play one musical instrument perfectly that you never have played before, what would it be?
that i have *never* played before.. i think a cello or double bass. i am so proud that nat and eliza play bass. i love hearing them both play. i love them both! i would love to play the flute purrfectly, i love (most) flute

6)If you could posses one supernatural ability, what would it be?
to have a sort of way of seeing things that would just come without my being able to control it - what will happen in the future, or flashbacks, or i could see a ghost. that or talk parseltongue with sssnakess (not really)

7)If you had to choose the most valuable thing you ever learned what would it be?
thats really really hard. live for the moment and love everyone and don't get tangled up in too much worldy chaos because its better to live up in the clouds but not always. muahahaha i am a terrible advicegiver

8)If you could have only one piece of furniture in your house, what would it be?
i've had a blank as to what theyre called, but sofas that are also a bed and it would be big and made of dark wood with red velvet cushions and all old fashioned. i'd keep it in a dark room and have candles and incense and beautiful cloth hanging from the ceiling and there would be an old lamp with those sparkling crystal lampshades and on special occasions i would scatter rose petals on to the couch

9)If you could read the private diary of someone you know personally, whose diary would it be?
if she had one, i would love to read mum or dad's. it sounds silly but i would love to see a little of whats going on inside their minds, they have such wonderful and strange ideas!

10)If you could have one person you know as your slave for one month, who would it be?
i think i would choose eliza because i would enjoy her company and she'd make me laugh, and we could be each others slave. i'd like that! *deep in thought* nat would be lovely because he would do unslavey things too (;

11)If you could choose the way you will die, how would you want it to happen?
mm i guess in my sleep would be at least painless, but it would be annoying if it was through a really exciting dream! i would like to die happy, and not having too many regrets

12)If you could wake up tomorrow to learn that the major newspaper headlines were about you, what would you want them to say?
"little girl jessica has begun to change the world for the better after she brainwashed all politicians to have her views" - there are faults with this headline: too long, i wouldnt want everyone to have the same opinion as me.. so maybe a better title would be "jessica the crazy rockstar sparks controversy with her new song"

13)If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
the first thing would probably be to buy some midori and chocolate and celebrate. then i'd write a biiiiiig list (oh i love writing lists) and divide the money out into different categories. hmm.. like.. charities, friends, family, expensive items, travelling..

14)If you could choose the music at your funeral, what would it be, and who would play it?
gorecki by lamb, though i kind of always wanted this to be my wedding song, also joga by bjork, and well.. i think i'd need a whole funeral soundtrack..

15)If you could take away the vocal cords of any person, who would it be?
at the moment, president bush but this will change as time goes by, there are worse people who just never get mentioned but im fucking sick of bush bush bush

16)If you had to describe your idea of the perfect mate, how would you do it?
clever, witty, smiley, fun, laid back, into music, creative in some way or another, a little bit trendy (even if its a geeky trendy or uncool trendy), honest, thoughtful, opinionated, doesnt matter if theyre quiet or loud as long as theyre not both *all* of the time, and a wonderful wonderful friend... (this all goes for partners and friends really!)

17)If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it?
i would want everyone to contribute! eliza, anne, marie.. i would prefer really for everyone to give their ideas over a long period of time so that my house could grow and evolve

18)If you had to choose the worst home you've ever lived in, which one was it?
well apparently when i was born we lived in 'isle of dogs' which is the absolutely scum suburb of london, i slept in between my mum and dad on a double bed in a tiny flat

19)If you could have prevented one thing from happening between you and a friend, what would it have been?
what happened between lauren and i. its all in the past now but it was such a traumatic experience to drift away from such a beautiful person.. we're friends again now but in a different way, and i wouldnt change how either of our friendships and relationships are now with other people but i do feel bad about it all. also, one of my great best friends through primary school, orly trubik - she was jewish and a year older than me, and i met her in her parent's cafe when we used to go there each thursday after australian girls choir. i wish i still kept in touch with her.

20)If you could learn the total number of hours you have spent in your life doing one thing, what would it be?
errmm............ shaving my legs? taking my jewelery on and off would be interesting

21)If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?
a little introverted but still over-excitable and always saying the wrong things to the wrong people.. generally a bit secretly cheeky and a bit dark though too

22)If you could own a single prop from any film ever made what would you choose?
those big strange eye-contraptions that the scary men wear in city of lost children because theyre blind or something. it would be fun to play around with that

okay end of the day, i just completed my last day at work and it took me all day to write this, on and off! no not really i wrote it nearly all right now but i started at 2pm. love you all so much! xoxoxoxox

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Time:	11:39 am.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	some london underground radio station.

hello dearest journal

ive been a bit.. neglectful (is that a word?) of this really. and seeing that i havent been writing in my real diary, i thought i should write in something.

well actually i had already begun to write this entry and i managed to delete it all. i started by giving a detailed account of going to work here in london, how i get there, what the walk is like, the neighbourhood.. but its probably good it got deleted because its not ultra exciting. well i think its quite interesting but i dont know about everyone else.

mmm. its ten degrees today, yesterday it apparently snowed in north london. aah april weather. sorry, i have managed to get sucked into english culture and i constantly talk about the weather. its a really peculiar thing. from where i am sitting at my desk at work, i can see quite a few office buildings, and there is a pretty little park between them all. i love this place.. sometimes i'll try and get to work early so that i can sit there and read and just space out a bit. there are big trees there that are all coming out into blossom - thats one of the beautiful things about london- there are huge blossom trees everywhere. and when its windy all the petals float in the air and fall to the ground and its like snow but nicer and softer and not as cold or messy. so really its not like snow. but i love it.

work is easy these days. i found it so hard to begin with, trying to force information out of these poor companies. but its not too bad. and now my boss is on holiday for two weeks, its very casual. the girls are naughty. we're not wearing business clothes any more, just jeans and things. and yesterday we were painting modern works for jo, she went out and bought canvas and acrylics, and we just went for it.

im so glad its friday. i have nine working days left here. nine days!! its nothing. and i have lots to look forward to. err i'll write more another time ive completely lost whats going on. must work. hmm exciting entry hey hey hey alright adieu love you xoxox

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	jessica is a very very naughty girl for not sticking to plans
Time:	10:25 pm.
Music:	coldplay: parachutes.

well hello again. i know i know i said i wouldnt write on here but.. well im quite bored and just felt like writing. hopefully nobody will think to check this and therefore still think that i have stopped writing this journal. *embarrassedish*

its 10:27pm now and im wide awake as i had a evening nap till about 8:45pm. mmm i have not napped for over a month! it used to be a daily event but i've been .. i dont know?! just too busy or something.
right well.. i have lots to say but dont know where to start. or if i should start! well a brief update: our first house open inspection is on saturday, the house is looking lovely, better than it ever has (sadly.. we only decide to fix things up when we're leaving) .. but anyway its all a bit empty and looks too neat for my liking. we have this absolute bastard tradesman painting and fixing up our house... he is an ex-science teacher and we reckon he probably was kicked out from doing that because he was a paedophile. he is a bit touchy touchy nice to me and my sister. *eugh* .. oh well what can you do. well im sure you can do lots, we're going to complain but anyway.

alright well i go now in five days. five! i'm getting excited. i think nat is understanding exactly why i have to go... just out of the blue-ish today he said 'god everything just seems so crazy here.. i wish we could just run away from it all.. you're lucky to be going i think, its the right time.' and its true. i just want to get away. as much as im sad and will miss everyone, i want to just do things for myself. experience something new. get out of the loop/routine of adelaide. yes im selfish but there are worse traits to have *smile* .. perhaps not. *cough* *giggle* *ultra-action* *rah*

oh well i'll write more later (if i have time) as i have to let dad go to sleep. and errrrm yes please dont give up all hope in me because i started this again. it was out of boredom, simply. i will definitely start one hopefully once i get to london. but as i wont have a computer .. alright? byebye xoxox

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	drumroll
Time:	11:01 pm.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	soft flutey sounds are floating in my head.

well hello

i have decided to stop writing in this journal.
i might start another again once im all set up in europe.
but ive had enough.. sometimes i feel these journals are a bit of a mindgame and im not always completely honest (not that i ever lie but i often omit certain feelings and ideas).. which sort of defies the whole point of keeping a journal. we're all guilty of doing that however, well i think so anyway, so if you do write certain things and not everything you should stop! actually dont. right well im just absolutely making no point at all here

.. if i wrote down wot i truthfully thought about everything you'd probably just ignore me forever. im so pretentious. blah blah blah me me me.
so thats it for now. i will still be reading everybody elses which is probably a bit naughty so if you want to take me off your friends list (not because im not your friend but you know! oh dear im writing not a bit too much and it makes a sentence awfully confusing.) .. errmm well i think i was saying i dont mind if you take me away from your friendslist.

i dont know, i just need to get my head around too many things. its not got to do with going away or moving house or anything really [although they are certainly affecting me on a consciousy-superficial-unreal kind of level] [sorry im talking crap]. sorry sorry sorry. hmmmmmmmmmmm
well in conclusion, this may very well not be my last entry but i really do want it to be. and please dont send comments saying 'oh but jess really love happy you are nice hello smile love love' because i dont deserve any sort of niceness. just really. i wish i ..... well perhaps i wouldnt enjoy it if it happened.. but i wish that i knew somebody who would be outright with me. and tell me im being stupid and to stop it instead of telling me im a great girl. im not. god. its hard to explain but i just think that it doesnt do any good always being nice to someone. especially when theyre not being nice to you. i know this doesnt make any sense. just bear with me as its probably my last entry

actually, this has been an entire entry of confusing excuses/reasons. i dont want to really end this on a silly note(noat?)
so i would like to say that i have been enjoying myself a lot lately, though i always feel a hint of sadness or tension creeping in. im the one who always sparks these tensions, but i do try hard not to get too frustrating. it must be hard for people to cope with me..

but for (at least) the next fewish days i want to just relax and visit some quiet dreamy gardenyy type lands
and just sleep
and write.. and curl up into a coccoon
and drink dark grape juice
..and look at the stars each night and paint pictures
and sew and giggle and talk to cats and put on some headphones and write silly notes on my hand and just let everything boil down to a simmer so that its nicely cooked for the weekend.

apparently my cousin's boyfriend remembered me from primary school (year 3) .. his name's hahmeed (not sure of the spelling). apparently he is a bit of a homey nowadays with gold chains and soccer shirts but oh well. hes very good looking and funny and perceptive (attentive? cluey). uk-afroamerican-type. this is what he said to my mum of what he remembered about me: "yeah she had a great smile, and was nice to talk to. long blondey hair? i liked her because she would always laugh at my jokes" ..! how funny. im sure he was just telling mum the good things.. he wouldnt want to make a bad impression to his girlfriend's aunt. but anyway. im glad he still knew who i was because i remembered him and its nice to know that people think of you even years later.

i havent watched rage in a long time but perhaps tonight is the night, theres a few good songs on but really all i want to see is the massive attack clips. but they start at about 3:45am........... . . .
intertia creeps

.. whilst packing up my stuff i came across this folder that i used during this 3-day songwriting workshop i went to. it was an amazing experience but i was too young i think. (15?) .. anyway i read the lyrics i wrote.... ack! terrible. i want to write some good lyrics. mm but i dont think im the type. i love the song 'i miss you' by björk. everyone has those feelings she talks about:
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I will meet you ......

anyway it goes something like that .. then later..
I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?

and oh, venus as a boy.. *swoon*

i might as well make this entry extraextra long.

the other night, after being asked by glenn, we went and saw a band called crying blue rhetoric. it was his best friends band. their first gig. it was at the rhino room (acoustic nights on thursdays) and just a nice atmosphere. though they sounded a lot like tool i was very impressed.i figure.. tool arent going to come round so often so what does it matter that they sound like them? its kind of good. but i am amazed that they were so good for their first gig and only rehearsing for a few months. they were so.. together.. and wow the times they played were amazing.. nat and i were trying to count the bars out.. 123,123,123,12,1,1 etc but then again it could have been a simpler time signature. it didnt sound like it though. and they played beautiful melodies and lukas (the lead singer) was really good.. high and low, playing complete offbeats at the same time with the guitar. anyway i'd love to get into more music like that. i adore being totally engrossed in the music at gigs.
the last time that happened was at some dj we went to, i probably wrote about it on here. not long ago. at the minke bar. thats an amazing setup, that place. two/three levels? we were at the top and there were hidey couches and a moviescreen with final fantasy playing, and the dj was spanish/american and he had beautiful turntables and the speakers were bose and there were so many and the ground was shaking and people were all so into the music. well thats how i felt anyway.

i just would like to say that i adore my friends. i could make this a more personalised entry and talk about each of you but.. why? i'd rather just think it in my head and hopefully you will hear my thoughts *smile*.

i cannot wait to travel europe and visit quiet places by myself. i will take my minidisc and lie under the stars and just become completely introverted but happy .. of course i know there will be loud moments but i am (currently) looking forward especially to the quiet moments. i will be meeting up with lovely sam chen, i hope we can travel around, he is an incredible savage monkeyboy. also i want to meet up with rowan. though i dont know him very well i kind of do in another and he is sweet and makes me smile. i have been reminiscing a lot lately about the last time i was in spain. i remember walking through some towns that seemed completely empty.. cobblestone pathways and funny looking houses. and all the forests and mountains were just so green. but then madrid was such an extreme... people everywhere, beepy cars, i mean i guess its the same everywhere but sometimes here in australia everything seems boring and ultrasameish

although last night, looking through elizas trip books of places like uluru, ceduna, and lots of tiny dry red towns, and giant forests.. we were kind of shocked to remember that australia is quite amazing. i mean i know it is amazing but it just reminded me. well it was eliza that mentioned it. aaanyway..
its 12 57am and the time has flown. aha. another reason to stop journalling. it takes up far too much time. 12 59am now. see how long it takes to write a sentence? i have also written in many different styles this entry, beginning with semi-frustrated and ending very appreciative and smiley.

well, what more to say?
dont waste your time on niggly things, love your friends and family, and dont hesitate (with anything). pick a flower every now and then and put it in somebodys letterbox. listen to sam prekop. go onto a quiet hilltop and screaam as loud as you can. always be nice to animals. embrace other peoples ideas and opinions. dont be afraid of having fantasies. hold a smooth rock in your hand. be appreciative of your friends, they are wonderful. give somebody an unexpected kiss or cuddle. look people in the eye but dont scare them. dont forget that tears are salty.

i love you.
from jessica xo xo oox xoxo oxox

x xoxooxoxo xoxoxxoxoxooooo xx o o
xo x o x
xxoxooxxox
xox ooxx

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

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