The Wayback Machine - http://web.archive.org/web/20040905123932/http://www.livejournal.com:80/users/kai_zen/

\\ J2 \\

Recent Entries

You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.

26th August 2004

10:24am: "see dummies is redundant
pimps are politicin
but they can't overcome this incumbent,
profound pundit
you're style's pungent
that means it stinks...
in dealin with adversaries
my tactics for dissin vary
I keep em runnin like dysentery disease
I play the dissident in distance events
and invent verbs to vent anger
cuz I'm not content with your content tint
on your window can't hide ya from the wrath while I drive math
see I'm the valedictorian MC
historian, slayin the socalled sick
like Kevorkian
niggaz menacin and grimacin while i be writin like I'm Emmerson or Lord Alfred Tennyson, diminishin men
finishin guniess and then
screamin on em like I'm Kennison, in a sense
I be pimpin em, not pamperin
I leave em limpin and whimperin
I'm vampin em, I'm crampin they style and
that's why they not smilin"
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Binary Star - Thinkin' Cap
2 enlightened meditate on this

15th August 2004

12:07pm: Fragile Battle
the universe is a wasteland
I fill in the void with my creations.
their warmth pushes against the frigid edges
of nothingness
already, always

come back down, release from your chamber
your prison, unguarded
your self
so we can see what you are

I am the figure, a fighter
of liberation, overwhelmed
these tendrils grow thick in the jungle of encumbrance
my weapons grow sharper
this is not my weakness

Isolation defies the extent of my potential
The definition of which can ever be rewritten
My approach should not be so anomalous

Unless I coalesce with complementary forces
The wasteland will endure my endeavors

But persevere with heart,
Being forlorn cannot be the fate of those who are exacting in their aspirations to transcend disintegration
meditate on this

9th August 2004

9:49am:
Kant
You're Immanuel Kant. You believe in the power of
man.


Which Philosopher are You?
1 enlightened meditate on this

6th August 2004

11:27am: Thoughts (From a message board)
Truth is just a word. An idea. It exists, only in the human linguistics. When you were a baby, you didn't know truth. It lives in the house of language, and without language, there's no truth. Without acknowledgement, there is no existance. This goes back to Descartes' "Cogito Ergo Sum," I think therefore I am.

Truth is simply the idealogical expression of our perceptions.




Example :: There are things that we agree are true. Like, this desk exists. Hit it, and you know it's there. But if you are not there to hit it, it is not there for you. Only for the next person that comes and hits it. For someone in Tibet, this desk is non-existent, due to them being unaware of it. If i tell them it exists, they get the idea of that truth, but their idea is not the same as the truth. If they see the desk, and touch it, then they see that it exists, and it can really be the truth for them. The we both agree that that's the truth. The desk exists.
Right now maybe you are thinking that my desk exists. You have your own idea from your imaginate of what it looks like, and what it is. That's not the truth.
Even if you see the desk, you still have your perceptions about it, and I have mine. We can describe our perception of the desk (truth) to different people, and each of them get different ideas about this desk, that we all agree exists. But which idea is the truth??

We could say, all of them, or none. None of the ideas will ever be the desk itself.




We use the world truth to describe what actually exists, and other times to describe ideas, as if they actually existed, like "my brother is a jerk."
This is perception. While this may be the truth for one person, for another, it is not. But this first person lives every day as if this were undeniable and unchangeable. When the brother comes, already he or she is relating to him as if he actually is what he or she beleives him to be. This person has effectively created truth in their thoughts, or their speaking/laungage. This person probably doesn't know that this "truth" can be altered at any moment.



Unless you are working on something that has distance, time, and form, you are in the intangible/ideological realm, and argument over ideas has no solid, real basis for proof either way. It is a waste.

If you are working with something that has distance, time, and form, there are agreed understandings of natural laws of our universe that may be referred to as "truths." If there is a mathematical relationship between measurable quantities that describe the physical state and properties of distinct bodies, then you have created an agreement with which to work with, relating to the quantities and bodies which you are working with.

Ultimately, these agreements (or laws) become obscure and sometimes non-applicable on a very small or very large scale, meaning that they may only be applicable within a certian measurment scale themselves. Does this mean they are true or untrue? No. It only means that they become obscure and sometimes non-applicable on a very small or very large scale. Nothing even needs to be said about the idea of truth itself in this type of inquiry. This type of inquiry is our fundamental human inquiry with science and mathematics, experimenting with things that have distance time and form to discover their behaviors, and measure the properties of their existance to gain a better understanding of how the total oragnism functions, and how we are able to influence this to our own benefit.

Where have not been able to explain phenomena, or more exactly, our perceptions of phenomena, we have created theories to explain. Too many times, we argue theories as if they were truth. Even brilliant scientists and mathematicians do this. Perhaps it is a human condition. But that is a theory in itself.




Nevertheless, it is my opinion that arguing over what is the truth for any other outcome, is not only an exercise in futility, but a complete waste of time and energy. I am fully aware that this statement is not the truth, but merely an idea of my own. I simply find that it works well for me in most situations. But it not being the truth, I retain the liberty to change it at any time.

If you're willing, try that idea on for size, and see how it works out for you.
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Calibre - Say if you Love
meditate on this

3rd August 2004

10:07am: Martial Art Masters
One will have many peers and teachers in their lifetime. However, our masters will be few, if any at all.
Though we ought to remain ever questioning, and always learning from eachother, no matter the relationship, choosing a master from which to learn a martial art can prove to be tedious.

It is 2004.
In previous times while perhaps it was much more difficult to locate a teacher of martial arts, it was more likely that once found, that teacher would be respectable and capable of teaching. Although this may not have always been the case, today the opposite seems to have taken effect (especially in the western world).

In some cities, there are martial arts schools at every other intersection. There is much speculation on how one ought to come to choose a teacher and a school.
Much concern for experience or "teaching style" (if you choose to put energy into such an idea), is common. Though it may be effective in finding an instructor who is experienced, it may not always be the best for you. We know that experience does not always equal skill, just as we know that agression does not equal true strength.

Humility is the number one quality to be desired in a teacher. Their energies should be benevolent and humble, as they relate to you as an equal human, whom they will direct into mastery of the self.
Beware of arrogance! Beware of the teacher with many opinions, especially the opinion that their "style" is better than others, or that other practices are in some way flawed. This is not to say that some movements are not scientifically proven to be more sturdy and effective than others, but that any Jiu Jitsu is better than Karate, Jeet Kune Do is better than Wing Chun, or Muay Thai is better than American Kickboxing. If it lends itself to your effectiveness, fitness, health, or self-expression, it is worth having knowledge and experience of. A good teacher should not tell their student what is idealogically right and wrong. This is a waste of time and energy. They should simply direct the student in the physical aspect, showing them the effective form, and open the way for them to express themselves in action.
The guide who believes himself or herself to be a greater human than the student (probably because they percieve themselves having a greater skill level as a martial artist) will only guide
the student down the same path. This is a person who has not yet become aware of or even begun to gain control
over his or her destructive energies. This person is not likely to be dedicated to the studend's benefit. This way of being is not forthcoming of a teacher.

People do not choose a master through fear or intimidation. These are ways of opression.
People choose a master through respect and admiration. These are ways of expression.

One ought to seek a teacher the exudes the qualities that they wish to give off as a result of their practice.
The student's acquiescence should be a direct expression of self.

For the teacher, the product of the student's practice is 100% dependent on their way of being with their student. For the student, the product of their practice is 100% dependant on self-discipline in adhering to
the guidance that they recieve from the master. This forms integrity in the relationsip between master and student; it opens the way for the student to question the master, and for the master to command the student, as both unequivocally permit each other to do so.
Otherwise the relationship is unbalanced, and may or may not collapse in time.

A proper master will ultimately guide his or her student to be a master of their own self, thereby making the master unnecessary.
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Mobb Deep - Trife Life
meditate on this

22nd July 2004

2:53pm: Human Race
You can't impress me with your illiteracy
learn to read then you can cultivate the seed
of knowledge -- hell you could even go to college
honestly -- there is nothing that is not a possibility
moving with agility and grace, we build speed but don't over pace
simply refuse to disgrace the human race
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Nitin Sawhney - Breathing Light
meditate on this

21st July 2004

9:43am:
I take my words into business
and sell them at cost
only because i'm the boss when i floss
on the microphone -- holocaust
A rolling stone, I gather no moss
shake up the floor, make you jump like kriss kross
and don't try to block me cuz I stay on top
ominous like the dome of the rock
try and grasp this like water runnin
we don't stop
Current Music: J-Live - The Best Part - Wax Paper
meditate on this

13th July 2004

3:13pm: Religion :: Opiate for the masses?
Religion is an ancient conversation.

While there is wisdom and pratical knowledge to be gained from ancient beliefs and practices, we should remain ever questioning of them. We ought to reevaluate and reinvent ourselves often, questioning what practices, beliefs, and positions hinder our progress. What non-essential baggage is weighing down our workload?

While religion deals with many philisophical and fundamental questions we have about our existance, as well as our ethics and morals, it is becoming more and more apparent that humans do not need to rely on antiqity to satiate their fears and questions about life. Actually, it is becoming more and more apparent, the absurdity over which so many people are fighting and dying every day. This is all the product of being mentally attached to ideas that originated long ago, without any modern insight into the nature of our world, and standing that the ideas are absolutely true, that this truth will never change, and that it is infallible. It's no question that this kind of mentality leads to anger, argument, fighting, and death. This mindset is one that is being replaced with one of tolerance and community.

Spirituality and religion are distinct from one another. While spirituality will forge ahead into the future, religion is surely an invention of the past. As it dies, more people will move forward with their spiritual independance, and mental independance. And as we have more tolerance for one another, we will be able to work together, moving forward at an accellerated rate.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: The Whispers - And The Beat Goes On
2 enlightened meditate on this

18th June 2004

2:50pm: Rising
Since life began, it has been apparent that the primary purpose of adaptive and genetic developments in lifeforms has been to improve their ability to sustain life, and ensure their survival. This applies both to the individial and the species to which it belongs.

One could draw the conclusion from this observation that now that we as humans have long been refining the use of our complex minds, and the subsequent tools we have created in employing our minds, that we are drawn to, and ought to continue to extend this to the farthest reaches of our ability, thus continuing to ensure our own fortitude, such that pain, suffering, and even death may become only optional, or at least severly delayed.

We lack neither the resources, the space, or the ability. What we lack is unity in mounting a collective effort, and individually, many of us lack the discipline, desire, and most importantly, the insight, to even consider this as a possibility.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Kanye West - Through the Wire (Isntrumental)
2 enlightened meditate on this

14th May 2004

11:16am: J2 Newsletter
It's back up.

Sign up here if you want [[newsletter]]
2 enlightened meditate on this

6th April 2004

6:36pm: diving into the depths of my melancholy mentality recenly... deeper still
Did you ever want to be somewhere else?
other than this world... this life... this kind of reality?

Sometimes I imagine a place totally different than here, where there is no such thing as the humdrum monotony of our daily duties. This is an escape from the confusion and cold singularity of self that we carry out here. But why this idea that all things can be intricate and amazing... that there is a place where our love does not sour and the severity of life and love is much too intense, the sense of importance is much too powerful for us to allow ourselves failure...

Is fulfillment even attainable in this life, or is it just a mirage on the horizon...
somewhere in sight which we walk diligently towards, yet is always just out of our grasp?

I'm falling, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Who am I now? What do I have but who I know myself as? Who am I really? I'm loosing it. I'm disintegrating in my own perception even now. I know I can withstand great trials, but the will to do so has weakened. I believe this is directly related to the energy that comes from our being connected, or in this
case, the lack thereof.

Always I'm feeling alone. I feel the weight of this world I've created increasing, expanding, and excluding, until every person around me has become so far removed that we can no longer reach each other at all, or even feel the warmth of each other’s compassion. Even though our hearts are beating, and we are still breathing, we've lost something vital to our existence... though our energies are always reaching out to embrace each other, it becomes too far to stretch, as we sit huddled in the middle of
our great spheres. And so alone in our worlds we all wither... like a flower without the light.

I have no doubt that all people want is to be loved. It's fantastic, the dream that you could be loved such that you always know your importance to another, and that you never feel alone.

That is what I've longed for since I was a young child; as far as my memory reaches there has existed this desire for others to feel the vivid energy of my heart, to experience the richness of my soul and open that same door to me. I know without a doubt that same love and richness of spirit exists within everyone, within the earth and the universe itself... To be in the presence of something so intimate and immaculate holds the power to make the burdens and tribulations that we encounter seem to be natural, necessary, maybe even satisfying, knowing that we possess the light of this unstoppable force connecting our hearts, and that in carrying out our duties, following our sense of purpose, we are contributing to the abundance of this binding life force.

Fear is our worst enemy. Doubt, jealousy, greed, anger, and the desire to bend others to our own will is something that forever has pirated the channels between our hearts and continues to hamper the flow of this energy.

But how do we overcome our own creations? Though I may forget most times, certainly I know that these barriers and limits are self set. The door to my power is locked and sealed out of our my own defenses. And rather than open it, I'd remain shut off from connection. In the comfort of darkness. This is the epitome of pity. Now seeking and end in self destruction and escapism... or perhaps just passing the time until the end arrives.

Where we could be refusing to dim the brightness of our spirits, we go quietly and lock away our essence in the shadows where it is forgotten.

Maybe as humans, we are doomed to suffer our own devices... as we continue to disconnect ourselves from one another... to hide, deceive, and shroud ourselves in darkness, only to have it ultimately choke us out... and then we die; for surely in a
state such as that, this life is not even worth living.

And out of the depths of the sorrow that comes with considering that this may be our fate, there is compassion and love. Still sitting here alone, star gazing, dreaming of other worlds...
Current Mood: melancholy
meditate on this

23rd March 2004

2:58pm: Writing
I be MC, essentially, rock the mic invincibly, you got no defense against me comin relentlessly with a library full of vocabulary in abundance, a plethora, it could be the death of ya, don't wanna mess with a, b-boy who's set out to destroy you and your whole convoy, just because you tried to battle, didn't build your skills and so ya got rattled like a snake i strike quick, and still i don't bite shit, keepin it real, explicit, exhibit direct hits, blow up when they flip this, it's the bomb hear the tic toc, the road is long to the tip top, you know it's on and we're non-stop, break it down, this is hip hop
1 enlightened meditate on this

6th January 2004

10:50am: Health
Man, sinus hell... I'm so ready for this to clear up. I've been dealing with health issues for the last 2 weeks.
Where did I go astray? It's time to get back on track with the training and health/fitness. This is one of my new years resolutions--> to get a job as a personal trainer. I'm so ready to be in tip top shape again.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Calbre - Vice
4 enlightened meditate on this

22nd December 2003

12:04pm: Create Papes
Gotta create some extra papes to keep the family afloat. I'm so ready to break through the walls of the rat race maze. It's like I keep bumpin my head up against it.

So I was thinkin about some other ways to generate positive cash flow.




"you can see it in my eyes, all i want is to benefit my kind/

but I'm not the savior, shit gets major, still a player/

in the game, we disdain over pain/

rockin herb, tryin to stay sane/

I'm lookin through my windowpane as i cruise the expressway/

thinkin of better days, visions of my children flourish/

give me courage to nourish, dreams to reality/

not content to let this life get the best of me/

tired of askin to borrow money from my family/

no more handouts, time to stand out, come up/

pump up the positive flow, even if I gotta go to the front line on my own"
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: St. Germaine - 5 Alive
1 enlightened meditate on this

19th December 2003

9:42am: Man
Went Bboyin last night for the first time in a while. I was cakin major. I guess that's feasible since I've been sick and all that lately. I just feel like i needa set a practice schedule for real. So trev and I were talkin about Thursday and Sunday, and workin out on Tuesday and Saturdays. Gotta do this.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Barkays - Holy Ghost
4 enlightened meditate on this

10th December 2003

11:09am: Newsletter
I will be sending out a newsletter by tomorrow, so if anyone wants to get on the list for that who isn't already, you can do that ---[[[here]]]---
meditate on this

18th November 2003

9:09am: Great Link
I found this link. It's good to see that the work my nutritionist and other doctors were doing in the 90's is still evolving and being applied.

If anyone has asthma, chronic upper respiratory, worms/parasites, any kind of fungal infection, ADD, acne, dry skin or eczema, chronic headache, allergies, digestive problems, aching muscles or joints (not from exercise), depression, fidgityness, irritability, or any combination of these, it could be (and probably is) a symptom of fungal overgrowth in the body... especially if antibiotics or steriods have been a regular way of treating illnesses.

[Link]
meditate on this
8:51am: Planning.
I feel like what's missing in my life right now--and I mean everywhere... at work, Landmark, home, projects, exercise, diet, etc.--is some organization.

If I had some organization I would be freed up from winging it, and juggling multiple particles. I'd be relaxed and easy, moving through the day with the preset construct.

The possibility of being free, relaxed, and easy.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Sade - Flow
4 enlightened meditate on this

4th November 2003

4:57pm: "the world is not fixed, set or separate from you,
the world is malleable, and in a dance wiht who you are."
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Earth, Wind, & Fire - Let's Groove
meditate on this

30th October 2003

9:46am: myspace
I started using the journal on myspace a bit. [link]


I got so much stuff I want to post/share, haha, but then again I've been doing so much that I haven't made time to do this. I will get a newsletter out too, asap. [link]
meditate on this

13th October 2003

2:58pm: Newsletter
I finally got my newsletter/mailing list set up from my webserver.

Anyone who wants to can sign up here :: [link]

Now to write one! w0ot!
Current Mood: energetic
meditate on this

8th October 2003

4:45pm: Humanity
w00t!

Things are finally shaping up around here, in a huge way! And by no coincidence or happenstance. A few months ago, I totally shut down.

Liz ([info]jemyni) and I were having relationship throes (being married, imagine that!). And it got to the point where I totally shut everyone out (including her), and isolated myself to being miserable. I wouldn't even update my LJ. I really had it out to be that it was all her fault and that nothing was ever going to change unless she changed something about herself.

So, my mom asked me to do this seminar series with her at Landmark. I went into it and in looking at some of the things the course is meant to have the participants look at, my perspective on Liz and our relationship issues totally flip flopped.

It was like turning on a light-switch. I already knew it, but it just got brought to the forefront. In the course of looking myself, I saw that by blaming Liz for our problems, there was nothing --I-- personally could do to make a difference with that, since I was putting it all on her. Even if she did make effort, it still wasn't right. I feel much more confident and capable being married now that I say that I get to say how my relationship goes, and look at myself as the source of the problems and issues.

The point is that where we were struggling against eachother before, now everything is great. Not like fairy tale great, but great in reality. There's love torching through our family where before it was getting rained out by all the... stuff!

What's even cooler is the resemblance it bears to what happened with me and my mother in 1998, when I first did the course, the Landmark Forum. I pretty much held her in a similar belief, like: "she's a stupid *****." (Which, by the way, was on heavy rotation in my thoughts during the issues with Liz). We didn't get along, much less even really speak to eachother much for about 5-6 years, while she and my dad were going through their issues. In the course, some guy was talking about his mom and how he had been suffering for the last 20something years since she left when he was 12. He was going on about it, and I was thinking, "Man, doesn't he see he's doing it to his self!? Doesn't he see HE'S the one making his life miserable??"
And then it hit me like a truck. I was doing the exact same thing. Differnt circumstances, but same thing. I was making my own life miserable, and the other people around me as well. I didn't really want that in my relationship with my mom. So I called her and told her, she came up to the place, and I told her I was sorry for doing all that, and I saw our relationship could be of loving mother/son, and that's what I really wanted. And she looked at me kind of funny, like she couldn't believe I said it. It was kind of awkward, so I just hugged her. And then I thought, you know, this is the first time I have given my mom a real hug in about... 6 years almost.

So yeah. It wasn't quite 6 years (only about 2 really), but I was doing exactly the same thing w/ both of them. They must have a name for that type of occurrance in psychology.

Ahhh, Humanity. We're so complex, yet simple; so free, yet so restrained.

It's great to be in an inquiry into it. It really has me falling in love with people. Just people. I love them. They are so exactly like me. There's a total freedom in being able to see others as fellow humans, rather than just other people, or other people who I am competing against.

Other than all that, stuff has turned around at work, and with quite a few other relationships (including ones inside of work).

It's a continuous process, for sure, clearing out the b/s. It's a lot to deal with. And I'm kind of unsure of what's up now, whereas before everything was semi-predictable. But I would have that, than what was before.
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Thievery Corporation - Vivid
3 enlightened meditate on this

12th September 2003

11:54am: spam of the day
"G Giannt-size youur skin bat muuiioti"

lmao
5 enlightened meditate on this

9th September 2003

3:46pm: ganbatte
5 enlightened meditate on this

25th August 2003

3:32pm: Note :: Dealing with multiple crises sucks.
2 enlightened meditate on this
Powered by LiveJournal.com