And by top 6, I don’t mean the best 6 singers of the season. Obviously.

I forgot to pick the songs everyone should sing this week. But Sa called and told me what Kellie sang, and I couldn’t be happier. This is going to be fantastic.

LOL, Ryan says that it was bad luck for the ladies last week, because Ace left. Frank and I both thought, one of the ladies went home.

Anyway, tonight it’s love songs with Andrea Bocelli. And David Foster (who’s produced Celine Dion a million times and written a million of her songs if I recall correctly) worked with him on this latest album, so he’s there helping out. And Foster’s like, “Are these the finalists?” when they vocalize. And showing Foster doing the critiques, I want him on every single week to critique and coach and yell.

IDOLS 01 and IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston, written by David Foster. Katharine looks wonderful in this yellow dress with wow, that’s a lot of boobage. Ok, when she walks around in the dress, it’s not so good. I changed my mind on the great banana peel she’s wearing. The hair and eyeshadow are great. The facial expressions were awful. Aight. Down to vocal business. Sa, I must absolutely disagree with you. She was awful. After such a great performance last week, I was really hopeful she’d kill the competition this week. She didn’t. It was screechy, weak, and flat. Bad bad bad.  Randy says “nah, dawg”. Paula says “you’re pretty and I love the boobs”. Simon says “red, blue, green, green, yellow”... I mean Simon says you’re not Whitney so you shouldn’t have tried it.

IDOLS 02 AND IDOLS 08… Elliott is going to sing with a giant satin baby blue tie on. Elliott is singing “A Song For You” by Donny Hathaway.  It was awesome, the entire song. That’s all I’m saying. Randy hates the arrangement. Paula is crying, her glycerin is above her eyes, under her eyes, and the collagen in her lips has leaked out. Simon is laughing at Paula and really trying to contain himself. I’m in heaven. HEAVEN! Thank you, Paula. Thank you so much!  Oh, and Simon liked it.

[I DONT THINK SO] AND [AFTER BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?]... Kellie is singing… this is going to be phenomenal… “Unchained Melody”. Lemme tell ya, I snorted this entire song at church camp one year for talent night, and it’s never been done as well as my snortage.  So I have no hope that Kellie will do a good job. Kellie’s wearing her prom hair. She’s talking about Ghost and the pottery scene. “Isn’t that a cute scene? I don’t have anyone to play pottery with.” Yeah, that’s like one of the most erotic movie scenes ever. Real cute and playful. Wait, has she developed thighs? If so, I might have to start liking her out of solidarity. Kellie. I love you. This is what the Chinese will torture dissenters with in the future. You came through for me, and so did the judges, finally. That poor dead Righteous Brother is turning in his grave. Randy:  “Dawg, you know you butchered that right?” Paula:  “You’re not raising the bar each week. You’re pretty.” Simon:  “It’s like the Hindenburg crashed into the Titanic.” Ok, actually that was Frank, before Kellie even sang. Simon:  “I thought the torture would never end, it was so boring and monotonous and robotic and—wait! wait! I’m not finished!” LOL, They actually cut him off because he trashed the performance for so long. Frank almost felt sorry for Kellie. Me? No.

IDOLS 04 AND IDOLS 10… Paris, with her 19th hairdo since getting to the voting rounds, is singing “The Way We Were”.  Her head is bouncing a lot. First half is extremely boring. Second half is terrible, whiny, and screechy, not to mention offkey in a lot of spots. Randy liked it a’ight. Paula thought she oversang. Simon thought it was a good vocal but old-fashioned. Simon not happy about being cut off last time.

So. All the girls were bad tonight. Elliott’s the only good one so far tonight. And I reiterate about David Foster. Every week. Please.

IDOLS 05 AND IDOLS 11… Captain Tightpants is back. That’s unfortunate. Cap’n Tightpants with the velvet tux jacket. I really wish he’d stop dressing like Elvis. Anyway, Taylor’s singing “Just Once” by James Ingram (I think). I still don’t think he’s ever hit a bad note, maybe in his life. Great vocal, great finish, great night for Taylor. And no crazy dancing, yay! Randy didn’t like it but likes the tightpants suit. Paula didn’t like it. Simon thought it was hotel lounge singery, and Paula cut Simon off with a big jump up out of her seat and rah rah cheer cheer we love you Taylor, Simon’s crazy even though I said I didn’t like it either Simon:  Again not happy about being cut off, this time by Paula instead of Ryan and the music. Anyway, I think the judges were wrong on this one.

IDOLS 06 AND IDOLS 12… Chris is singing “Have You Really Ever Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams. David Foster got Chris to lie on the floor to learn to sing with his body and not just his throat. Wow. I don’t know what to think about what he’s wearing. He’s on stage with a guitarist on each side, which is great for effect. This song has always been very Don Juany for me. Very Mexico. That reminds me. I made chicken chimichangas tonight, and they were awesome. My mom loves this song, of course. I’ve always been iffy on it. So to Chris… Beginning is very good and vulnerable. One low note was “pitchy”, but overall great quality… The high notes on “tenderness” and “treat her right”—he got there, but with his facial expressions, you could tell he wasn’t sure he would make it. He made it though. I thought the performance was excellent. Randy:  “We love you!” Paula:  Jumping out of her seat, sending out seal-claps with a forward motion – what is that? A dolphin clap? “We love you!” Simon:  “Good song choice, great performance, very sexy song.” Yay! However, I’ll bet tomorrow I’ll read on a bunch of blogs and boards:  “Yeah, it was great, but he did a song that Bryan Adams already did before! He cheated!”

So the men killed and the chicks dogged it tonight. In order of vocals… Ouch, it’s a severe tossup between Elliott and Chris for top spot (we voted for both 4 times)... I have to give it to Chris, maybe because it was a little sexier, and maybe just because he was in the final slot. But Elliott was only behind by a hair. Ok, so…

Chris****
Elliott****
Taylor**
Paris
Katharine
Kellie

Prediction:  The girls will be the bottom 3. Going home? I think it’s finally Kellie’s turn. Wait, it’s been her turn for-like-ever. It’s either her or Paris. Ok, yeah, I’m going with Kellie.

it’s cool air! i’m currently not perspiring and feel like i can actually do stuff. yay!

Previously on 24, Daddy the Pit Bull SecDef got involved to try to help but ended up messing everything up by betraying Jack and trying to get things done his way, in order to save the government. He asked for President Estrogen’s resignation, but when Robocop got the recording from Jack, Estro instead asked for Daddy’s resignation. Chloe got arrested for helping Audrey and Jack when Miles the Weasel and the Unstable Sexual Harassment Girl teamed up. But Chloe escaped and threatened to recommend Unstable Girl for psych evaluation and told Unstable that Estro’s behind everything. Chloe went to Bill’s house. SarahK still wanted to know:  Where’s Rico Suave? Aaron and Marty went to meet behind the stables at the presidential retreat, but all that showed up of Aaron was his cell phone. Robocop cut Audrey’s arm and made her bleed all over her pretty white jacket. He should be executed for ruining that jacket. Jack gave up the recording to save Audrey, because he’s an idiot who loves needy women.

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What a great time to break into the Stars game! Just in time for a tied-up game and Mike Modano scoring on the power play with 3 seconds to play in the 2nd period. Man, I’ve missed this all year (ok, I’ve missed it since the end of the 2004 season). * sigh * I really miss the AAC, and I really miss seeing the playoffs from the Platinum section, where you can get that amazing barbecue sandwich delivered to your seat from the Platinum Club.

Ok, that’s a good goal, and they better not disallow it. There’s no kicking motion. BTW, I’ve been so tired of the kicking motion phrase since 1999.

What a great game this is gonna be to go back and watch from the beginning tomorrow. Dallas trailed 0-3 and are now winning 4-3? Fantastic. In fact, I’da skipped 24 for this game. I love my team.

UPDATE: I have to give it to OLN. This is one of the only games I can ever remember watching where Ralphie and Razor aren’t commentating (well, they are, but not on OLN) where I’m not so completely annoyed with the national TV hacks trying to pretend they know who they’re watching that I’m screaming at the screen. That’s typical playoff hockey for me, lots of screaming, and when I’m in the Metroplex, I’m watching the TV but listening to WBAP to save my sanity. Don’t get me started on Gary Thorne and his “Raaaaaaaymond Bourque!! Rrrrrraaaaaaymond Bourque has won the Stanley Cup!” because you know, Joe Sakic? Not on the team. Alex Tanguay? Never played. Patrick Roy? Wasn’t even on the ice. Woops, I got started on Gary Thorne’s tunnelvision. Bad SarahK.

Anyway, these guys aren’t biased for or against Dallas (they even have nice things to say about the Stars, which is a first for a national broadcast that I can remember!), and they pronounce names correctly. Sure, they sometimes mistake players for other players, but they sound like they’ve either seen both teams play before or they… wait for it… actually watch hockey! I love it that they’re not baseball commentators pretending to watch hockey.

BTW, it’s still 4-3 with about 9 minutes left in the 3rd.

UPDATE 2: Such memories coming back. Staying up late to watch the end of the hockey games. 4 minutes left, Stars on yet another PP.

UPDATE 3: Goalie interference makes it a 5 on 3. Great fun is the 5 on 3 (when you’re team’s got the advantage, of course). Now to a PP for 1.5 minutes. Is it just me, or is this a really fast game from 2 really fast teams? Dangit! Avs scored. Julie, I’m shaking my fist at you!!

UPDATE 4: See how much I’ve missed? I didn’t even know Delay of Game penalties could come from anyone other than goalies now, that’s a new one this year. And another 5 on 3 for Dallas, yay! Sweet. Mo’s killing in the face-offs. Ok, I don’t do so well with tie games in the dwindling minutes. Oh no. I don’t do well in sudden-death overtime. I’m gonna be up so late. But I love overtime. I just hate it.

UPDATE 5: What is it I remember about overtime playoff hockey? If the game doesn’t end by 10 minutes into the first overtime, the Stars will play at least 3 overtimes. I’m too sleepy, so let’s just win it here. K?

UPDATE 6:  Bad Marty. Bad. Now we have to go steal two in Denver. That’ll be hard. Come on Marty. In the playoffs, you have to be the hero. Doesn’t matter how many offensive heroes we have, the goalie has to be the biggest hero of all. You’ve been a hero all season, don’t stop now. These are not your first playoffs. You’re experienced now. Remember how Colorado just limped into the playoffs? They should be limping out of the AAC. This is bad.

when i see the internist this week, i’ll be asking for a recommendation. after all the other trouble i’ve had with my endocrinologist’s office not faxing the right stuff to the pharmacy and not returning phone calls, i got to the doctor’s office today at 12:58 p.m. for my 1:00 p.m. appointment.

doctor has left for the day. receptionist, who has already taken my copay, tells me the doc has left. now, by this time, it is around 1:15, so i’ve been checked in and waiting for the phantom doctor for 15 minutes.
SARAHK:  Even though she had an appointment with me.

RECEPTIONIST:  Yes, but your appointment was at 1:00…

SARAHK:  And I got out of my car at 12:58. You’re the first door inside the building. I was in this office by 1:00.

RECEPTIONIST:  Oh… honestly… I don’t know why she left.

i really needed to see a doctor today. any doctor.

has several new items going, my favorite of which is the 6 weird facts/habits meme. he really is evil.

how many docs will i see this week? definitely the endocrinologist. trying to also see the internist and the allergist. the neurologist is early May, so i don’t feel the need to move that up.

i don’t mind seeing so many docs, but i really hope that only one of them feels the need to draw blood (endo always feels the need). it’s not my favorite procedure.

There’s some attorney named Sokolove advertising for people to call if they or their child had video game-related seizures.

Yeah. Seizures that occurred during or after playing video games.
What a detriment guys like this are to our society.

Frank loves it, i hate it. it tastes like it has vanilla in it. i was hoping for Coke and coffee. vanilla has no place anywhere near Coke.

hockey playoffs are finally here. so NBC is showing NY/NJ here, while the Stars are relegated to somewhere west of me.

so last night around 11:15 or so, my feet swelled up huge like balloons. my toes went numb and then started tingling as if i’d just applied some Tiger Balm. i propped my feet over my heart for a while, and that helped a little, but when i put my feet back down it came back. i was pretty freaked out. Frank was sure i was overreacting, but this had never happened to me, so of course, i googled, and the most likely issue was an allergic reaction. that really confused me, because we had the same dish from the same Indian food restaurant we have every Friday night, and i can’t remember stepping in anything odd.
finally we went to the emergency room. by the time we got there, my mouth was dry, my throat was a little tight, and my head was hurting right in the front above my nose and between my eyes (where my birthmark off). oh, when i’d taken my blood pressure at home, it was 94/62 or something like that, and when i got to the ER, it was 117/82. guess i must have been really freaked out.

i’m glad my sweetie was there to give me a hard time and make silly jokes. when i told him the doctor didn’t have good bedside manner, he said…

“What has 15 rooms and is next to the bed.”

“A dollhouse?”

“A bedside manor.”

i got mad at him because i really had to pee at the time and didn’t need to laugh.

they said i had an allergic reaction and asked if i took Benadryl. well no, that’s what someone who’s had an allergic reaction like this before would have done. me, i freaked out instead and had hubby take me to the ER.

they gave me benadryl (which knocked me out – every time the doc wanted to question me, they had to spend a few minutes waking me), prednisone, and pepcid (interesting). kept me there a half hour longer. my throat was still tight. kept me there another half hour. my throat was still tight but not worse and a little better. finally, they sent me home with scrips and directions to see my doc in a few days. oh! they also told Frank to wait on me hand and foot for the next two days. i’m also not allowed to drive.
i wonder if i’m starting to have a worse reaction to my ring? i don’t know what else it could be unless i’ve suddenly developed an allergy to papad over the course of a week. i say papad, because right after i ate papad for breakfast this morning, my left foot started swelling again, but it went away fairly quickly. so who knows. i’ll call the allergist Monday and see about getting in for a full allergy test (which won’t test me for papad, i’m sure). i’ll also go see the internist again this week. plus, i have an endocrinologist appointment this week. so it should be a week of great fun.

Previously on ALIAS, there was some crazy stuff. Sydney got kidnapped and questioned by Prophet Five with some serum that Irina (hiding from Sydney behind the glass) was worried would endanger the baby. Sydney saw her OBGYN, who said the baby was fine (before Sydney was questioned). Vaughn got “killed” by Prophet Five (and Jack told Sydney he’d do anything to keep Vaughn safe, which SarahK took to mean included faking his death). Weiss moved to Langley with a CIA promotion and forgot all about his girlfriend lying in a coma. Sloane’s kinda sorta a reluctant double agent for Prophet Five so he can save Nadia’s life. Marshall found 12 sources that make up Prophet Five. And Sydney escaped from Peyton only to find that she was on a huge freighter in the middle of the ocean.

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i guess that’s the great thing about having no a/c. i sweat so much that there’s no way i can retain water.

is there anyone on the planet who doesn’t automatically hang up on automated phonecalls? there must be, because companies are still bothering with that. it blows my mind.

i don’t even wait for the message to start. if i say hello, and there’s more than a 1-second pause, i know it’s an automated call, or it’s a dialing system that’s connecting me to a marketing rep after i answer, and i hang up.

don’t waste my time! i waste enough of it on my own, don’t you know?

TxDan is sending me new screws for my laptop! Once I can hold the harddrive in, I can actually use it and access all my pictures! Including all the cute ones of me & Frank when we were long-distance dating.

you’d think they were partially made of metal or something. being a 2nd amendment lover is hard.

you know who you are… the ones sitting around all day posting on your bboards about how your sister-in-law has a spy, which she doesn’t. you can’t expect a girl to not be intrigued when her friend posts about your gossip club posting secret messages about her and being too cowardly to post them in a public forum. naturally, i tried to register and was denied because you’re not accepting new members. and no one knew i tried to get in except me. so if your secret Ovaltine message is that someone tried to get me to spy on you for them, you’re wrong. get a grip and some courage. if you want to post something about me and link to me, do it on your public blogs. i’ll be happy to respond to your drivel if given the opportunity.

i gave myself a pedicure yesterday evening. pedicures have a way of making a girl feel comfortable and pretty at the same time. i was going to go as far as paraffin-waxing my feet, too, but it was so hot in the house that i couldn’t think of putting my feet in hot wax. i even soaked my feet in cool water instead of hot.

Dead Sea Salts, EarthPeutics scrub and lotion, a pumice stone, and all the stuff that makes the nails pretty.

my feet are nice.

it’s about the only time i like her. she barks during the REM cycle. it’s the only time my walking near her doesn’t wake her up from a nap. if she’s barking in her sleep, i have to walk by at least twice to wake her.

Frank ordered the latest Toby Keith CD, which we received on its release date.

Eh. Nothing really stood out as TK-caliber greatness. Maybe I need to relisten, but both of us had the eh reaction. And we LOVE TK.

OH MY GOODNESS, I’VE JUST FINISHED WATCHING LAST NIGHT’S EP!

IT WAS SO GOOD!! FOR SNARKING AND JUST FOR WATCHING.

I’m going to miss it so much when it goes. In the nicetime, I’m so excited about the rest of the season.

Ok, gotta go rewatch for the snark.

turns out, it’s the copper tubing under the house. needs replacing. long story short, the owner of the company who installed it told us he’d be happy to support us if we fight the manufacturer of the copper tubing (because he’s blaming the manufacturer), and he said that yes, they installed “defective” copper tubing at all the houses in our homeowner’s association. which is fantastic for them, considering that most people here call the people whose number is on the thermostat. i see their vans around here all the time.

anyway, we’re through with them. we’re going to file a BBB report, because they have a clean record, and i don’t want them trying to swindle anyone else. probably won’t help others too much, but if it helps one person, i’m happy.

we had another company come out, and they confirmed that the copper needs replacing, but they don’t want to take the job, because the copper will have to be over 50 feet, because everyone in the stinking universe insists on putting the garage in front of the entire house these days, and for some reason, our installers put the unit and the air handler at complete diagonal opposite ends of the house.

we did find another company who will do it, and for the same price that the installers said they’d do it (supposedly we would have to pay at least a couple hundred more going with anyone besides them). but they won’t be here until next Wednesday. the days are ok, because we have ceiling fans and a loverly ocean breeze blowing through, so that helps the 89-degree afternoons. nights are fine, the ceiling fans are enough that the windows can close.

the great thing about all this is that our electric bill is gonna rawk this month. of course, the 600 bucks for the a/c repair kinda overshadows that. :)

i probably won’t actually take the day off, but the fact that i can means that any work i do is bonus work that i get to feel twice as good about.

So here we cut it down to 6. My hope, of course, is that Kellie leaves, but I have no hope for that. I love the replay of Kellie saying “I butchered it!” It warms my heart.

Ford commercial… “Kids in America.” Funny, Kellie looks like Carrie in her billboard. It must be the shades. I like Chris smashing the guitar, but other than that, it’s… a Ford commercial. That reminds me, we were working tonight so we couldn’t watch ALIAS. I fully intend to snark it in the morning. Irina and Vaughn are returning, so I’m all in.

Rod Stewart comes out to the tune of “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”. Yay! Anyway, he’s going to do something ‘70s rockish next.

Rod sings “The Way You Look Tonight”. It’s great, but the microphone stand swing is a little out of place in this one, no?

Next week is love songs. With Andrea Bocelli coaching.

Kellie, Elliott, and Kat are together on one side. Chris, Ace, Paris are together on the other side. Taylor’s safe and supposed to join the safe group. I think Kellie, Kathryn, and Elliott are safe. The bottom 3 are Ace, Chris, Paris.

And that’s the way it is, Taylor has shaken Chris’s hand but joined the top group of Kellie, Kathryn, and Elliott. This show is such a joke. Kellie, after that horrendous performance, is still here, while Mandisa was gone after 1 mediocre night.

Chris and Ace are the bottom 2, and Paris is safe. If Chris goes home, I’m done. It should absolutely be Ace.

Whew, Ace is going home. I was scared, y’all. After Mandisa went home, I lost all faith in voters other than me.

So what does Chris being in the bottom 2 tell us? Chris is a rocker, and if he wins and y’all make him record a pop album, no one’s gonna buy it. So there’s really no point in him ever breaking away from rock again. Y’all can all shut up about him being a one-trick pony. He showed another great trick to himself, and people didn’t vote.

Tomorrow I’ll pick the love songs everyone should sing. Starting with Chris singing “I Hate Everything About You”.

i know you’re behind this, and i’m totally gonna get you back!

details and pictures later…

i found a golf ball in our front yard. which means someone sliced the ball past the nature preserve, over the back yard, over the house, and into the front yard. maybe lessons would do that person some good.

i got a headache yesterday around 2:30. same thing today. maybe there’s a scheduled ocean breeze that blows through at that time.

UPS just arrived with our latest Amazon shipments. one box was addressed to me, and Frank had bought me Daniel Powter’s CD that has “Bad Day” (the song they play when someone gets booted off American Idol).

from today forward, i will listen to that CD any time i’m having a bad day. because who can listen to that song and be sad? it’s the happiest song ever! (not that i’ve heard the whole song yet, as i only get the chorus on AI).

and my sweetie is the sweetest. and the cutest. and i love him the best.

FRANK J.:  [to Minerva] Ow, you bit me!

SARAHK:  You probably deserved it. Did you step on her?

FRANK J.:  [looking like he got caught] I plead the fifth.

SARAHK:  That’s what I thought.

FRANK J.:  My foot goes up and down a thousand times a day. The only difference this time was how Minerva reacted.

SARAHK:  Bite him again, Bebe.

so dog school is near El Chico, and dog school used to end around lunchtime.

SARAHK: You know, if we didn’t have a dog, we could go eat lunch at El Chico after dog school.
FRANK J.: Well, sweetie, having a dog is a give and take relationship.
SARAHK: Yeah… I was making a joke.
FRANK J.:
SARAHK: If we didn’t have a dog, we could eat at El Chico after dog school.
FRANK J.: [laughing] You have to blog that.

I’m not excited about tonight’s show. I love Rod Stewart (yes, I think you’re sexy), but this lot is the most disappointing lot of contestants we’ve had. Plus, it’s standards under the guidance of Rod Stewart (standards are my favorite kind of songs, but no one does them well on American Idol), not Rod Stewart songs. Seriously, I’m more excited about separating my handful of Nerds candies by color before I eat them than I am about this top 7. Blah.

Oh wow, look at that cute baby that Rod Stewart fathered! Wow, what a precious baby!

Uh oh. They’re putting Chris in the dreaded #1 spot.

IDOLS 01… Chris is breaking away from rock and doing “What a Wonderful World”. sigh That was the last dance at our wedding reception, so it’s going to be hard to beat this even before he opens his mouth. He’s singing absolutely beautifully. Simon’s going to say he hated it, because Chris should have stuck with rock. Watch and see. Wow, that was lovely, he’s renewing my faith in the show, I’m most definitely voting for him. WHOA! SIMON IS CLAPPING FOR CHRIS! Ok, I’m eating my words here. Thank goodness, Chris got rid of the eyeliner, and Ryan noticed. Ryan, I appreciate that you read my stuff. I’ll stop making gay jokes about you (you know I meant those in good fun, right? My good fun, if not ours). BTW, Chris, if you’re coloring in your eyebrows, please stop. Loved the outfit, even the tuxish vest with the rock pants and wallet chain.
IDOLS 02… Paris is singing “These Foolish Things”. This is a good song for her. She’s dressed very grown-up tonight, and I’m so happy she’s not wearing pleather. A’ight, that was out of tune in a few spots. It was ok but boring, and at the end I thought she was going to bring it home and make me love it, but the whole song was a little too demure. I know standards are practically demure by definition, but that wasn’t a stage performance. Randy says it was perfectly on pitch, but I don’t think he’ll say that when he watches it back. Paula loved it, Simon loved it. We were kinda “eh” on it, even Frank, and he almost always loves Paris.

IDOLS 03… Taylor is singing “You Send Me”. Rod Stewart just said grab the audience by the balls, and AI bleeped him. Taylor is reminding me of Elvis more every week, and that is not a good thing in my book. Ok, the first half was Elvisy, but the second half was fantastic.

Before the break, Ryan mentions that up next we have two people who look like a prom date standing there. Pan over to Elliott and Kellie. Yeah, Ryan, that dress has way too much cloth to be Kellie’s prom dress.

IDOLS 04… Elliott is doing “It Had to Be You”, which is the song Frank and I walked out of the chapel to after the ceremony. Kris did such a great job on piano. Elliott looks good in jeans and tux jacket. There was one pitchy phrase, but I really liked it. It was a great song for him, he should do standards all the time. Paula’s right, he did actually remind me of Harry Connick Jr., so much that I kept waiting for him to bust out on the “Some others I’ve seen might never be mean” part.
[STILL WAITING FOR MONKEYS TO FLY OUT OF WAYNE CAMPBELL’S BUTT]... Kellie is doing “Bewitched, ButcheredBothered, and Bewildered”. Rod keeps mentioning her personality and not her vocals. “Well, you took a load off my chest.” ROFL, she’s wearing a saLmon-colored dress. The first half was actually very good, and I was all ready to give her props. Then she sang the second half, and it was as horrible as Paula’s seal-clap after happy hour. Even Kellie says she butchered it, and hey, at least she told the truth. LOL, Paula just said she can’t wait for Kellie’s acting career to start. That makes me laugh. Anyway, Simon says it was just bewildered and that it wasn’t great. Paula, of course, just says Kellie looks great, which means the vocals were bad. Honestly, it was only the second half that was bad. When she went up into that nasal twang near the end, I shrieked in pain.

IDOLS 06… Ace borrowed a suit from Ryan and slicked his hair back and put it in… IS THAT A BUN IN HIS HAIR? I CAN’T EVEN LISTEN TO HIS SINGING TO TELL Y’ALL IF IT SUCKS, BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE AN AU PAIR WITH THAT BUN. He may officially be replacing Kellie as my AI muse. Anyway, we’re rewinding to hear it, because I wasn’t listening the first time. He’s singing “That’s All”. Don’t you know you can’t sing an ironically-titled song on AI, or you’ll always get the boot? Ouch, there’s some nose-singing. And there’s the falsetto, but I actually think it’s good here and not overdone. There are Paula and Randy saying that his falsetto is his money. I disagree, but I can’t complain about it tonight.

IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “Someone to Watch Over Me”, which is a perfect song for her. I just hope she doesn’t go boring with it. She’s born to sing standards, so this should be good. Is she wearing Paris’s earrings? She looks pretty good. Her voice is so well-trained. She added some flair, didn’t go safe and boring, I’m happy. This was beautiful. High praise from the judges, too. Finally.

I’d like everyone to note: Kellie is the only one that all three judges went negative on. Here’s the thing about standards: vocals are always very exposed when you sing a standard. So if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket, it will show. They should have standards night every year to weed out the awfuls.

And I’ll say: tonight was so much better than the previous few weeks. Maybe there’s hope yet.

So, the order, vocally, tonight…

Katharine**
Chris**
Taylor**
Elliott**
Ace
Paris
Kellie

So the bottom 3 will be Elliott, Paris, Kellie (I know I’m hoping against hope here, but come onnnnn.). I actually think Ace will be safe this week, and Elliott will be in the bottom 3 even though he shouldn’t be. Paris was forgettable. Kellie started good then got awful, and even the judges couldn’t praise it. Kellie should go but will probably stick around another week or two. Who goes home? This is a hard one, because Ace wasn’t bad. I’m gonna say Paris goes.

Sonya tagged me. Bad Sonya!

1. I love pickle juice. I always used to drink the juice when we were done with a jar of pickles. Now I drink it when I have indigestion. Sometimes I pour myself a glass, but usually I just drink out of the jar.

2. I don’t like Elvis. Most especially his slow stuff. Yuck. Some weird people think this is weird.

3. In Texas, I went to a lot of hockey parties and had a lot of them myself, especially during the playoffs. I always made star-shaped cookies (iced green and gold, of course, with players’ numbers and/or names and/or Go Stars and/or Dallas Stars), whether the party was at my house or Perbo’s & Shelbo’s. Oh, and while the Psycho X was always in the kitchen talking to the women (probably trying to pick them up), I was always parked in front of the TV with my hockey jersey amidst all the men. (BTW, Brett Hull’s cup-winning goal was legit.)

4. I found my blogdad after a 5 to 8 year absence (we disagree on the length of time) by searching for his wishlist on Amazon.com. Do you know anyone else who found a dear long-lost friend through Amazon? I rock.

5. I met my husband through a t-shirt babe contest, which I inexplicably won. Our first date was hiking the Grand Canyon and camping, followed by a Dave Matthews Band concert in Albuquerque. As soon as we were back in cell phone range, I was on the phone with jonag, a fellow t-shirt contestant, telling her how the date was going. 4 months later, I moved to Florida, 2 months after that, we were engaged, and within the year, we were hitched. I don’t know if that’s weird or not.

6. I wore braces for 5 years. 5. 2nd semester of 8th grade until 2nd semester of freshman college year.

There. Maggie and Rachel, you’re tagged.

I’ve missed him so much (we don’t get his show in Melbourne), and he’s on Fox & Friends right now. sigh

We have to move. Somewhere I can listen to Medved. I heart him.

by Daniel Bedingfield

When your love is pouring like the rain
I close my eyes and it’s gone again
When will I get the chance to say I love you?
I pretend that you’re already mine
And my heart ain’t breaking every time
I look into your eyes

This morning when I got up, I put on Daniel Bedingfield (ok, I really must get his second CD) and danced around the bedroom. Frank was groggy and blinky, and even he couldn’t help calling me a goofy goof and giving me a kiss. Now, when I say I danced, I mean… I DANCED!!
And y’all should too. Get up and dance. Just put on a fast song, close your curtains, and boogie. Dance neckid if you want. Just do it. Get the blood pumping and the smile started. It woke me up enough that I made the bed wide awake.
Back to my dancing… The acoustic, slow version of “Gotta Get Thru This” is one of my all-time favorite songs, but this time I put on the dance version (the one where you’re never quite sure if it’s a girl singing or a guy). BTW, why is it that when Ace Young sings falsetto, I wanna barf, but when Daniel does it, I just swoon?

Before 24 tonight, there’s a preview for Jack Bauer: The Movie. Kim Basinger plays Audrey. I might see it anyway.

Hey, Prison Break has the guy from Fargo and the un-pimped ride Volkswagen commercials. I LOVE those commercials. Especially the “We just dropped it like it’s hot” one.

Previously on 24, Jack went to the bank and got the bank manager killed, Estro blamed Robocop for complicating everything by killing Palmer. Aaron warned Jack that Estro put out a pres. order for Jack’s arrest, Mr. F and SexHarassman followed Audrey, who outsmarted them and called her daddy. Jack and Wayne got the tape of Estro and Robo talking about killing Palmer before. Evelyn? Well, we assume she’s dead. Who knows about her daughter, but I’ll bet she gets attacked by cougars.

It’s midnight, and the news is reporting that Estro wants martial law to remain in effect even though the terrorist threat is over. You know, so he can more easily follow Jack Bauer’s stolen police car, the only car on the road.

Robo assures Estro that they’ll get the recording from Bauer before he can get it to the right people. Estro tells Mr. F to let him be the first to know if Jack is in custody. Mr. F says they’re looking for Bauer and Robocop, and he tells her to put Jack first.

SexMan wants to go after Chloe, since Audrey ditched the trackers.

Jack and Wayne meet up with Bill in a secret, safe place. Jack asks Bill to babysit Wayne, and Bill nonchalantly asks where they’re meeting the SecDef. Jack tells him, because he doesn’t think that’s TMI for Bill, which makes me instantly suspect him.

Audrey goes to meet daddy at his plane, and now I remember the preview we saw the other night, where Audrey’s held at gunpoint for info. I hope she gets offed! Before they can get started talking, Jack shows up in the police car, and Daddy gets hot under the collar. Jack and Audrey explain that Estro’s setting Jack up and Daddy the only copy of the recording, because he’s not a politician or anything.

Daddy says he’s not surprised about Estro, because he was terrified when Estro took office (like we would have been if we’d gotten Algore). Audrey and Jack kiss. Audrey says, “Jack, I’m going with Daddy. This is going to be ok, I promise, and then we can talk about our relationship over chamomile tea at Chloe’s house!” Daddy says “one more thing” and punches Jack in the throat, because he forgot about that day 18 months ago when Jack walked into a terrorist camp (with Marines, of course) and saved him from a beheadin’. Audrey says wah, don’t do that. Daddy says Jack can’t go to the Attorney General with the info because he’ll destroy the office of the Presidency.

Daddy plans to not tell anyone (smart guy, let’s keep it to ourselves and no one will know when we die in a tragic accident!) but is gonna go see Estro about it. I’m sure that if Daddy the pit bull glances one time at Estro, Estro will collapse in a heap of tears and feminine hormones, but what if Robocop’s there with Estro?

BTW, Jack told Daddy that he trusts the source of the recording. You know, Evelyn, that girl I met tonight. She and I go way back a couple of episodes, so I’m sure of it.

Chloe asks the new blonde chick what’s up with the meeting in the situation room. That sensitive girl (I forgot what I named her) is setting Chloe up to find Audrey and Jack for Mr. F. Chloe starts ringing Audrey, and Mr. F and her goon trace the call (Audrey never picks up) to Van Nuys airport. The tac team starts leaving and Chloe realizes she was set up and reams the sensitive girl for it, calling Miles the Weasel an idiot in the process. Chloe is arrested.

And WHERE IS RICO SUAVE???

Mr. F tells Estro they have Jack’s location, and he insists that F leave Jack for them to deal with. She calls Mike Novick, who’s “been on other things” for several episodes. I think that means he had the runs and just couldn’t get out of the bathroom.

Audrey and Jack are tied up together, because Daddy sucks with a capital ucks.

Mike checks out his Sprint phone and goes to see the Veep. He asks why CTU would have been pulled off the Jack Bauer acquisition. Mike is very unsure, and the Veep gives Estro the benefit of the doubt. Mike calls General Warren, who is on his way to pick up Jack Bauer. Scratch that. He tells Mike he has no idea what he’s talking about.

Mike confronts Estro as to why he took Mr. F’s people off the case. Mike also questions why the military doesn’t know about the military operation to bring in Bauer. Estro tells Mike he doesn’t answer to Mike and says that Mr. F shouldn’t be undermining him. Mike keeps questioning, and Estro says a covert team is on the case, you know, so the Chinese government doesn’t find out about Jack and think the president hoodwinked them.

Chloe and Miles the Weasel (who will be hereforth known as Weaselgoon) argue in the holding room. Chloe goes and grabs him by the shoulder as he’s walking out and swipes his keycard. He says, “Don’t touch me! I don’t like being touched by women!” Chloe says he’s not as big a jerk as he pretends to be and tells him that Jack’s innocent. He huffs and runs away. “A woman touched me!” So after he leaves, Chloe uses his keycard (it’s all about the keycards!) to get out of the holding room, swipes a computer from the holding foyer, and leaves through another door while the guard is distracted. Sensogirl catches Chloe, and Chloe says, “Jack’s innocent, but I can’t say why.” Sensogirl says explain yourself, and Chloe says Estro’s the one who killed Palmer. Sensogirl’s like, “Uh uh, I’m reporting you,” and Chloe’s like, “Yeah, well that sexual harassment thing against Weaselgoon was made up, and you’re sick, and if they find out Jack’s innocent and let me go, I’m gonna recommend you for psycho counseling, and you won’t like it!” so Sensogirl backs off and Chloe, in Chloe fashion, stomps off.

Marty goes to see Estro. “Are you coming to bed soon? I mean, you haven’t been to bed with me, or any woman for that matter, in years, and I was just thinking you should come to bed.” Estro blows her off and gets a call from Daddy the pit bull. Daddy requests a meeting with Estro tonight. “I don’t like your tone, Daddy. Remember who you’re talking to.” “Yeah, I know who I’m talking to, and you’re a girl, and you know what this is about.”

Estro waits for Marty to leave and calls Robocop. Where are you? Daddy’s coming, and I’m scared! Where are we with Bauer?

There’s a helicopter.

Is it me, or has Estro gotten a tan in the last 17 or so hours?

Marty asks Aaron what Daddy’s doing here, and Aaron says he can’t say. His forehead isn’t burned anymore. That L.A. plastic surgery is awesome. Aaron wants to meet Marty behind the stables. That will be awful when they’re discovered and people assume they’re having an affair. BTW, Marty played Aaron like a flute in that scene. I thought she was gonna kiss him.

Best scene of the whole show: Daddy confronts Estro. I know you did all this, I know you’re complicit in Palmer’s death, I know you’re setting Jack up. Estro asks what Daddy wants. “Daddy wants you to drop the charge against Bauer. Leave my daughter alone. Oh yeah, and resign by the time the morning news cycles. Tell everyone you’re too stressed. Go get the Veep, I wanna be here when you hand him your resignation letter.” Estro’s like, “Wha?”

But I’m sure Daddy’s little girl is gonna ruin everything.

Chloe shows up at Bill’s, and something is wrong with Bill. I don’t trust him, and if he kills Chloe, I’m done. Out on the show.

Speaking of out on the show, Marty’s at the stables and calls Aaron. His cell phone is on the ground, and she’s being watched by an unseen watcher person. If Aaron’s dead, I’m out.

Jack gets himself and Audrey free and tells Whiny to secure some guy he knocks out.

Jack corners Daddy’s henchman and gets the recording just in time for Robo’s guys to show up. Henchy gets dead, and Jack blows up a gas tank (he really should learn to shoot with both eyes open so he has full peripheral vision).

UPDATE: Reader Philip pointed out the Bluth family staircar on the tarmac. I just went back and watched, and it’s such a beautiful gratuitous shot! They show Robo’s men shooting, then they show the plane Jack’s hiding behind, then pan over to a quick shot of the staircar. Oh how I miss that show. And yay 24!

Robo has Audrey. Jack promises to give up the recording if he lets Audrey go. He cuts her artery in her arm and sends her out to meet Jack. He sees her bleeding (and this is very Redrum-All-Work-No-Play-Makes-Jack-a-Dull-Boy to me – Audrey in her white jacket, blood falling to the ground from one hand, small steps…). Audrey has to ruin everything just by being alive, but no, Jack won’t let her die. He’s anxious for that relationship talk. So he tosses out the recording, and Robo starts shooting. He doesn’t hit anything, because terrorists just shoot crazy and never hit anything. Jack gets distracted by Audrey’s dying, so he lets Robo get away so he can tie up Audrey’s wound.

Back in Estro’s office, the Veep has arrived, and Daddy is standing by wagging his pit bull tail. Estro gets the call that Robo’s got the recording, and as soon as Robo has a ride, he’ll bring it to Estro. Estro hangs up and tells the Veep that Daddy was just about to resign. Daddy says no, Estro orchestrated the David Palmer assassination. He’s led out by security.

So Audrey’s bleeding but ok. Something has happened to Aaron. Mr. F doesn’t have a clue about anything, Weaselgoon is even cluelesser. Robo is breaking into a car, Daddy is out of the cabinet for now, and Chloe’s hanging out with Bill.

Next week: Jack tells Daddy that Daddy betrayed Jack. Jack catches up with Robocop, Audrey tells Jack to do what he has to do (ok, thanks for permission). There’s a helicopter with a red laser trained on Daddy, who’s drivin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen his load. Audrey whines when Jack and Robo fight. Bill tells Chloe to go now, Mr. F says stuff doesn’t make sense, there’s a bigger problem from another new redshirt. Marty throws a fit at Estro, so Aaron must be dead, and if he is, lemme repeat: I’m out. Audrey gets even more pasty-faced than ever, what with all that blood loss, and she pulls a Chloe and gets really angry with a gun and a Robocop. The pres decides to silence Marty.

my whole day was devoted to taxes. at the end of the day, there’s still an extension filed (and boo to TurboTax not supporting online extensions so i already had the whole return done in TT but had to go to another onliner to file the extension. if i’m paying $40 for TT, it’s absolutely unacceptable for online extensions to not be supported.). why an extension? because between wedding, groceries, household items, and clothes, we spent enough money in 2005 to get to take actual-receipts sales tax deductions. and that will take me awhile, but if it drops our $1800 tax liability by a couple hundred, it’s time well spent. i sent $1200 today, and i’d prefer to not send any more. ugh.

the US Postal Service’s website is absolutely worthless.

really. just try it. try to locate a post office, or click on the tax links to see which office is open late. anyone have any luck?

the new ones, for the mints:  super-stupid.

it’s good Frank and i waited to meet until after the sales tax deduction thing went into effect. and it’s super-good that he bought me an engagement ring and we had a big wedding and honeymoon all in the same year. i hope that all counts. i guess i’ll find out.
we did it on purpose, i’m sure.

UPDATE:  Jewelry purchases do not count. I’m still trying to figure out whether vacations and weddings count.

As a housewife with only a million other projects going on, I feel the house should be 95% clean 100% of the time. We all know that I’m just not there yet.

But I’m so close now.

My kitchen is always about a half hour from clean, and if I’m cooking it’s only 15 minutes from clean (I do the dishes and clean the counters while I’m cooking, so all that’s ever left is current dinner dishes and the floor). Big improvement from Bikermommy coming to my house in Amarillo and stroking out over the state of my kitchen.

The master bedroom. It’s so beautiful I may take a picture. No longer will I stub my toe or trip over piles when I get up in the middle of the night to pee (yeah, I’m old, shut up). I don’t wake up when it’s dark and draw a mental picture of the map I need to navigate the floors in the dark. Right now, the only things on the floor are the decorative pillows for the bed (because I’m in bed) and the curtain rod that I still need to install. The dresser needs dusting, and I still need to get the decorations in order and on the walls, but this room is now so relaxing. And clean!

Master bath? Not in bad shape. Not in great shape. About 30 minutes from sparkling.

Den? It’s my next project, but I see it has carpet. That’s progress.

Guest room. Bed is made. Closet is organized. The only things out are items to be donated or freecycled and bins for the den that I can’t yet get into the den.

Guest bath is sparkling.

And the scary part? I love cleaning now. It relaxes me like cooking does. I schedule time for it every day, and it’s my favorite job on the schedule.

Life is good and getting better.

i forgot to note throughout the season that it’s really awesome to not be a CPA during tax season.

woohoo!

• how many times must you tell a 2 year-old that no matter how long she cries, you’re not going to pick her up just because she’s crying?

• how is it that a 2 year-old can be more afraid of an 11 pound cat than she is of a 60 pound dog?

• how many ice packs does one need to ice one’s feet after cleaning the house all week and then burning dinner while 4 kids are talking at you?

• do 1 year-olds really really need to touch everything that they’re not supposed to? three times?

• did you know that the snap, head shake, finger wag technique of the Dog Whisperer works on 1 year-olds too?

• do 6 year-olds know that they’re not getting iced tea any faster if they ask 10 times than if they ask 1 time? (of course, i’ll bet they know that if they look that cute asking, it’s gonna get there pretty soon.)

• do 4 year-olds know that flashing “gang signs” they see on TV (oh yes, it’s true) for pictures is not exactly couth? nor is it safe-ish?

• how do quad moms survive 1 day?

• how do dogs act like nothing’s happening when 2 kids are screaming, 1 is watching, and 1 is petting the dog?

• cats are smart. they just run and hide.

What a great thing to write about! My indigestion this week has been horrible. Horrible. And more horrible. The only thing I’ve changed is that I’m now taking my Allegra every night, but that’s been for a couple of months. The indigestion, though, just gets worse and worse. I’m hungry, but I don’t want to eat because I don’t want any more pain in my esophagus. I’ve been drinking pickle juice like a mad woman, and that has helped, but I’m running out of pickle juice, and it’s really silly to have 5 jars of pickles with no juice. I really don’t want to resort to the spoonful of vinegar, because I hate the taste of straight vinegar.

But something’s gotta give. It seemed to get this bad for a while around the 2nd or 3rd month of my hormones the first time I was on them, so maybe that’s what’s going on, and maybe it will go away. I sure hope so. I’m miserable from about noon every day until about eight at night.

Ryan thinks it’s a good thing that tonight’s show is an hour. Simon says America appreciates a bit of honesty. Yeah, about you and Kellie… forget it, I’m too tired. Anyway, the theme of Ryan’s comments this year seems to be that Simon is grumpy and never says anything good. Maybe he’s as disappointed in what this top 12 has turned out to be as I am? This is my 3rd full season, and I watched the last several weeks of season 2. This is definitely the worst top group I’ve seen. They’re one of the most talented top groups, but they’ve been the messiest, the most erratic, the most boring, the most disappointing. Probably because they could have been the best, but it’s just been one big suck with a few ok moments.

Oh no. They’re doing a group song. Ok, are they all singing the same medley together? Because to me they appear to all be on different medleys… Ok, Bucky should’ve sang Under Pressure last night. This montage medley is killing me, I just can’t wait for it to be over.

Ford commercial. No comment. Goodness, I’m sooooo tired today.

The messages from the parents… I liked the McParents, they were cute and funny, I see where Kat gets her McHumor. And wow, Kellie has a brother? Oh nooooo, he’s soooo cute, and he’s cute for real. Doggone.

Chris is wearing too much eyeliner again. Egads, he really for reals needs to fire that stylist.

Taylor, Katharine, Chris are safe. Kellie’s next in the row, so I’m not hopeful. Looks like my bottom 3 prediction could be right.

Kellie’s grampa seems nice. Where did he go wrong. Anyway, she’s safe. This season sucks hard. The bit with Ryan, Kellie, and the handkerchief was as staged as Kellie’s naivete. If I misspelled that, I’m tired.

The bit with Elliott’s mom made me cry. I want him to win it all now. Elliott’s in the bottom 3. He sings again. He’s got such a great voice, I’m baffled by him being in the bottom 3. Really I am. I know a lot of people just don’t get him (he’s never impressed Frank much).

Ace’s family seems really fun. He’s singing again, because he’s in the bottom 3 again. Mike Modano’s Mama, this is even worse than last night. Apparently hockey’s on the brain.

Bucky’s brought new life to his town. Almost cried at that one too. I just hope it’s Paris in the bottom 3.

And the bottom 3 are Elliott, Bucky, Ace. Who knows. Mandisa went last week, so maybe it’ll be Elliott, the best guy voice. It should be Ace, hands down. Simon predicts Ace. Elliott’s teeny up there between Elliott and Ace.

And Bucky is going home, so we have another week of the blasted falsetto.

Even if I tried, I don’t think I could keep myself from dancing to “Bad Day”. I love it so much, it’s the only thing they’re doing right with this season. But I will say… AN HOUR LONG SHOW AND WE STILL ONLY GET 1 VERSE OF THE BYE-BYE SONG? That’s so wrong.

I’m so bored that I couldn’t even yell at the idiot when she started in. But man, should tell her the the entire hour is not about her.

Why can’t I stop watching? I guess I just keep hoping something good or something really egregious will happen (other than Kellie Pickler even being in the top 12), or someone will bust out and give the performance. Kellie will eat capers on her salad and think they’re fish eyes, then she’ll fall off her stilettos, Captain Tightpants’s pants will split and reveal that he wears tighty whiteys (y’all know it’s true, with pants that tight, there’s no way Taylor wears boxers), Paris will trip on her weave, Katharine will sing something without putting a Broadway twist on it, or she’ll not make a self-effacing comment. Chris will sing an ‘NSYNC song and sound like a popstar (Simon will hate it). Elliott will wear a hat or sing without soul in his voice, and Simon will say it was his best performance ever, and I’ll hate it. I’ll stop wondering what Ace is doing in the audience when they show his older brother, and Ace will not butcher a song.

Maybe that’s why I’m still watching. But I won’t last much longer.
Katharine
Paris
Kellie
Chris
Taylor
Elliott
Ace

What an average lineup.

Come on, ma, gimme the bone. Look how cute I am!

If you don’t give it to me, I’ll follow you around!

I’m serious now. I really want it.

I can follow you around with my eyes closed. All day.

After our walk and jog (the jog happened when it started raining on us), I moved the baby gate to let Rowdi into the livingroom (while she was eating). When she came into the livingroom, I got her a new rawhide bone out (beef-basted, she loves those). But she has to do a doggy pushup to get it. Well, she would sit and lay down, but she wouldn’t sit back up. And she’s well-practiced on the doggie pushups. For some reason, won’t work for the rawhide. Maybe because we used to give them to her for free.

Ok, so we’ve been doing the doggie school with Rowdi, and one of the things we’re learning is how to get her to come to us when called. This is one of the more useful things we’ve learned there (I was disappointed that they promote loose leash walking – meaning dog in front or wherever – until the dogs get to the advanced class). We’ve been practicing with her in the evenings. She only gets the peanut butter and jelly treats (which are her very favorites, and she loves them soooo much) when she comes to us.

So a lady came to pick up my moving boxes this morning. Yay, they’re out of the garage!! When I opened the door to tell the lady I’d meet her at the front of the garage, Rowdi tried to go meet the lady on the porch. I didn’t have the choke chain on her because the kitties are sleeping in another room, so I couldn’t catch her. She squeezed past me and bolted out the front door. Stopped for a moment to sniff the lady, then ran.

Ok, so my heart raced a teeny bit. The PB&J treats are on top of Big Whitey really close to the door (Old Yeller’s in the entryway, Big Whitey’s in the kitchen). Ok, so I grabbed the PB&J bag, ran outside and started calling the dog while crinkling the bag as loudly as I could. She came immediately (I was wearing my happy voice). Of course, then she thought we were playing the game, so she bolted right away and went to the other lady, then ran back to me. I finally got the bag opened and made her sit (gotta be consistent). Then I grabbed her collar and gave her half a cookie (she never gets a whole one). Yay, it worked!

I got her back inside, and she immediately ran off into the livingroom. I looked to see what she was doing. She had pulled the beefy rawhide off the couch and ran under the pool table. I went over there, she ran into the livingroom, lay down with it, dropped it, then looked at me as if to say, “Check it. I got the bone. I’m gonna chew on it.”

So I grabbed it and put it on top of the fridge while I went out to the garage. She still won’t do the pushup. And I think the bolting outside was just a distraction so she could get the bone.

Um… Is that a sweater vest under Ryan’s suit? Ryan says they’re so excited to have a Queen night on the show. I’ll bet you are, Ryan.

Poor Mandisa. I wish she were here. You people who didn’t vote for her suck. Wait, I didn’t ever get through, so I guess I suck too.

IDOLS 01… Bucky – “Fat Bottomed Girls”. You know, Bucky has such a nice personality. I hope he stays and Kellie goes. I know, y’all are shocked. He’s singing well, I’m happy with this. Especially since he’s singing about girls with big butts. He should work on his enunciation again, but I hate to sound like Paula, so let’s just forget it. His stage presence is good, he doesn’t seem like a phony, he’s got good style. I think the sound was bad, I don’t think he was singing quiet, but they should turn up his mic. Or maybe I just want to like Bucky because he’s nice. And because Mary Katharine loves him so.

REWATCH: I really like his rasp. And I enjoyed this a lot. Maybe he’s just picking it up. What? He’s married? I guess I didn’t remember that.

IDOLS 02… Ace – “We Will Rock You”. Everyone is loving on Freddy Mercury tonight. Especially Ace and Ryan. Queen: “I don’t think we’re gonna play your arrangement.” They’ve gotta be dying thinking Ace is gonna butcher their song with a hi-hat. Oh my pain. Aaaaaaand there’s the falsetto. I’ll say this: The first phrase of every verse was good. After that: Major Suck. Wow. I told Frank that if Ace did falsetto anywhere in this song, I was sending him anthrax in the mail. Start ironing your mail, Ace! Um… if you get anthrax in the mail, it’s not me, ok? I promise. Just alright for Randy. Paula: You bastardized it, but hey, way to go taking a risk. That was brave. Simon: Complete and utter mess. Maybe Simon is off Paula’s drink now? We’ll see after Kellie. Randy: Simon’s right, I was trying to be kind. Ryan: Ace, did Queen make you uncomfortable? Ace: No, Ryan, you’re cool.

REWATCH: I just LOVE his interaction with Queen! They just cringed at what he wanted to do. LOVE IT! Ok yeah, sucked the 2nd time too. I didn’t even notice the microphone carry the first time. That makes it even funnier.

[DID HELL FREEZE OVER? DIDN’T THINK SO]... Kellie – “Bohemian Rhapsody” – I’m SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT! SUCK, KELLIE, SUCK GOOD! Ok, first off, Queen is like, “That’s a brave idiot there. We love her! Rah rah!”

Wow. I just couldn’t even write during that. I couldn’t have hoped for more from this train wreck. BEST. SUCK. EVER! From the moment she arrived on stage looking like Elvira meets Billy Idol, Frank and I were laughing our butts off. Ok, Hellie, lemme just tell you… Mary Kay has some great moisturizers, including this green eye gel that works on the bags under the eyes. It works, believe me, I have it. And if you’re gonna go for the naughty leather minx look, you should just go all out and get the leather jeans too. And what’s with the wig? She has pretty hair, but if that’s her real hair, it has become roadkill.

I couldn’t have laughed harder at this performance, so it couldn’t have been worse, nor better. I almost want to vote for her for delivering soooooo like UPS: horribly damaged, as expected. LOL, the dog just got so annoyed that she left us, walked to the tile floor, grunted, and lay down facing away from us. Anyway. Wow, um, just wow. I can’t even… I’m like bowing at the TV set declaring my undying love for Kellie for coming through for me in the biggest way possible. Let’s see what the judges say… OKAY, I SWEAR TO YOU, ALL THREE JUDGES ARE SLEEPING WITH HER! I thought it was just Simon, but this has changed my mind, it’s all of them. It is crowded in Kellie’s bed. Poor Katharine.

REWATCH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU KELLIE! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! THE HAIR GRAB WAS JUST ICING ON A HORRIBLY PERFECT CAKE! Oh, the stilletto boots. Perfectly Single White Trash Female. And I sooooooooooooooooo love that fantastically virgin knee-squat. Beautiful. Sniff Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

IDOLS 04… Chris is doing “Innuendo”. They’ve never done it live. Queen loves him. Chris is the only one they’ve actually complimented for real. Ok, and we see the view from the top of Chris’s head. Chris is wearing way more eyeliner than he’s ever worn, and that’s making me really uncomfortable. He’s even got his brows penciled dark, and I’m scared. Stop it, Chris, stop it. No wait, I don’t mean the singing, I mean the makeup. Stop the madness. Chris’s wife is in the audience, and I think that’s the first time we’ve seen her since the audition. Yeah, I’m voting for him, not the song. Simon just has a stick up his butt about Chris, and will as long as he does better than Simon’s first love (Kellie, not Ryan).

REWATCH: It was still great, I’m still disturbed by the eyebrows and eyeliner. Woo. I missed that high note at the end. Bravo. Bravo.

IDOLS 05… Katharine is singing “Who Wants to Live Forever”, which is not the song she rehearsed with the band. She’s got that whole backlit thing going on like Bo had when he did the a capella song. Ok, I’ve gotta give Katharine the props. She finally took risks and held notes for longer than half a second like I knew she could. And with Mandisa gone, Katharine is vocally the best female left (hands down). Wow, are there only 3 girls left? Katharine, Paris, Kellie… well, 3 unless you count Ace. She doesn’t look completely retarded, and I actually only have 1 wardrobe critique for her: I would have worn the belt down on the hips. Red is good, though. This was the best Katharine’s been in a long time. If she keeps this up, I’ll catch the McPheever.

REWATCH: A little pitchy at times, but I’m just so happy she finally stopped being safe. She tends to screech the long notes, but I’m still on board tonight. Let’s just hope she keeps this up and doesn’t revert to boring. Yay!

IDOLS 06… Dangit, I just voted for Elliott meaning to vote for Katharine. I hope Elliott’s not boring tonight, or I just gave him a free vote. (It’s great watching it Tivo’d because I can vote as soon as they’re done singing.) Anyway, I voted for Katharine for reals this time. Ok, here’s Elliott. My third favorite Jooo. Oh darn, I’m gonna get called a racist for mentioning the J-word. No wait, 4th favorite (Jesus, Lair, Roger, then Elliott). He’s wearing brown, ok, I’m happy with my vote. “Somebody to Love”. ELLIOTT! DID YOU AND CHRIS GO TO THE BEAUTY SHOP TOGETHER???? TOO MUCH MAKEUP! Anyway, EASILY the best performance of the night. Oh, thank you, Elliott! Wow, I was hoping for not boring, and he was fantastic. Seems incredibly hard to sing, and he was outstanding. I’m so happy! I’ve been waiting for him to not be boring, and he came through! Yay!

REWATCH: LOL at the makeup. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? The singing? Great the 2nd time around too. Still the best of the night, by far. Kudos.

IDOLS 07… Taylor. “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. Ok, the first 2/3 of the song, I was ready to drop him, thinking what a freaking disappointment he’s become. The last 1/3, though, hooked me. That was perfect Taylor, and I’m back on the bandwagon. I must say… the thing where he tried to kick over the microphone and failed? High-Larious. The 2nd kick to make it go over played well. Taylor’s a good recoverer. Anyway, by the end, I’m happy and remembering why Taylor was one of my favorites.

REWATCH: He’s wearing the right clothes tonight. And again, I only like the last third, but it’s enough to get the vote. Paula has her only good line all season: “I don’t know whether we should give you a record deal or a straight jacket.” Simon asks if Taylor is drunk, and after Kellie, I could ask Simon the same thing.

IDOLS 08… Paris. Sigh Just hearing Paris’s name, I miss Mandisa. BTW, Ryan’s funny in slo-mo. He Rarrs like Chomps. But he’s not like Kellie retarded in slo-mo. Because wow, freeze-frame Kellie is the bomb, baby! “The Show Must Go On”. Queen loves her. A’ight. When you have pudge and teeny fat rolls, you DO NOT GO ON STAGE IN TIGHT SPANDEX OVER YOUR TUMMY! BAD BAD BAD! I HAVE FAT! I DON’T WEAR SPANDEX! Anyway, the song. For some reason, she’s reminding me of ‘NSYNC. I don’t know why, because I LOVE them, and she hasn’t done anything for me since early early on. Blah. I thought it was forgettable, other than the clothing. Frank liked it, but he likes her and not Katharine.

REWATCH: :-( Hubby just went to bed without me so I can rewatch. I’m sad, because we always go to bed together. I did tell him that per my new schedule, we go to bed at 11 on Tuesdays, but he didn’t listen. Wah. Oh yeah, Paris. Yawn. Queen loves her. Lemme be objective and not bitter due to her being here while Mandisa is at home eating bon bons like me. Ok, honestly, she’s good except for when she does the “yeah, hey hey” bit. Then I’m out, because that’s a very Joey Fatone bit, and I’ve seen it in Dallas and El Paso before ‘NSYNC disbanded, so now I’m bored. She can sing the big long notes, I will give her that. Whew, look at that diamond on my finger. What were we talking about?

In order of vocals (*s get one vote, **s get two votes):

Elliott**
Katharine** (both me – she’s never done anything for Frank, and I don’t get that. I think just because she stopped being safe, I’m going to vote twice for her anyway.)
Chris**
Taylor**
Bucky**
Paris* (Frank. I’m just over her. He still thinks she’s great. I can’t wait for her to be gone.)
Ace (yeah right)
Kellie (thank you so much, mwah!)

Oh yeah. Predictions. Bottom 3: Bucky, Ace, Paris. Ace is gone.

this is going to be the best American Idol ever!

i’d heard that Kellie Pickler was singing “Bohemian Rhapsody”, but i couldn’t believe it. USA Today has it, though, so maybe i’ll believe it. (thanks to reader Leland for the link!)

but let me go on. please, let me go on! this is so fantastic i can’t bear it. last week i thought i was getting close to done with this snoozer of a season, but if they’re going to suck this big every week, how can i lay off? the snark will be dying to escape my pretty little brain! ok, so here’s the scooby:

Ace – “We Will Rock You”. with an R&B soul spin! Weeeeeee wi-hi-hi-hiiiiiillllll, weeee wi-hi-heeeee!-hi-lilly-i-hi-hill ro-ho-hawwwwawawawoak ye-hoo-e-ooo. it’s going to be a disaster, and he’s going to bring that hideous falsetto, i just know it! if he sucks as hard as i know he can, he’ll be going bye-bye. come on, Ace, do it for me and your permanent scar!

Bucky – “Fat Bottomed Girls”. now Bucky, you can’t expect me to go easy on you just because you’re going to sing about me!

Chris – “Innuendo”. never heard of it. i think it’s funny that Chris notes it’s never been performed live by Queen.

Elliott – “Somebody to Love”. He says there’s soul in it. i hope that doesn’t translate to bring on the yawns.

Katharine – “Who Wants to Live Forever”. she probably won’t take any risks and will be wearing something retarded. period.

Paris – “The Show Must Go On”. without her hairflicking, preferably. she says it’s her kind of song but still a bit rocky. bubble gum rock. sounds groovy.

Taylor – “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. boring and safe? it’s been a pattern of late…

Kellie Pickler, my all-time favorite train wreck. i cannot wait for 8:00. “Bohemian Rhapsody”. God loves me. she says it’s hard to memorize since she only has a minute and thirty seconds of it. that’ll be so great, her forgetting the lyrics while hitting a bad note. “Mama, just la-la-la” out of tune will be fabulous! the best, though, will be if she sings this part: “I see a little silhouetta of a man…” – I would die from my sides splitting open. Galileo!

Kellie, thank you. i haven’t seen it yet, but i know it’s going to be so much worse than i can imagine. i’m so happy i could fly.

to tell y’all how much i’ve missed Natalie Merchant.

i never owned a Natalie Merchant CD (nor paid much attention to her) until late 2003 / early 2004 when i was living in my Bedford apartment and listening to anything i ever heard on ALIAS as much as i could.

i’ve been lazy about music ever since my laptop bit the dust. all my music is loaded there, and that just makes everything so much easier. the laptop has been repaired, but i wasn’t about to send my laptop in for repairs with the hard drive, so i took it out. who knows where i put the screws. so far my search for new screws has been unsuccessful.

anyway, i found my Ophelia CD in a box yesterday and popped it in. i’ve listened to it once yesterday and twice today. i can’t wait to get my computer back on so i can have all my music back. yes, i have all the CDs, but it’s so much easier with my playlists and scrollbars. i’m getting pretty motivated now that Natalie’s sang some hippy songs for me, though.

Graphic violence – yay, another main character will die this week. FRANK:  Sweetie, they’ve said the graphic violence warning every week this season. SARAHK:  Yeah, and a main character has died almost as often.

Previously on 24:  Mr. F took over CTU, SexHarassman acted like an insecure worm, Audrey had to explain herself to Chloe, Wayne questioned Evelyn, Evelyn used the Kidnapped-Daughter Card (that’s such a cliche among aides to first ladies), Robocop and Jack and Wayne had a big shootout, and Evelyn was shot in the leg. No Rico Suave after the first 5 minutes. And President Estro is bossing Robocop around.

Jack’s talking to Audrey and tells her that Palmer’s dead because Estro is bad. Audrey says “No way!” Jack says, “Way! We’re gonna have to call your dad once we get the recording of Estro talking to Robocop, like, okay?” Audrey says, “If we can talk about our relationship later, you’ve got a deal.”

Jack and Evelyn are in a hotel room, Wayne and the kid are waiting outside. Rico Suave still not in the show, and that makes me sad. Jack rips off Evelyn’s clothes (to look at her gunshot wound), and they let the kid in to see mom while Jack and Wayne go on a super mission. Have I mentioned I’d much prefer to see Rico in this role?

Robocop is talking to Estro, and Robo says that he’ll get the recording back. Estro says the plan was to make the country safer by having a nerve gas crisis (mkay), and everything just got super-scary and crazy when Robo decided to kill Palmer. “I mean, everything was going great when we were just plotting to kill the Russian president and kill innocent civilians at the mall and take over an airport terminal and execute innocents and kill everyone at CTU including that big old teddy bear Deadgar and put a Mentally Retarded Female in charge over CTU and disperse nerve gas into all the homes in L.A. But YOU! YOU had to go and execute the black man, just for funsies, and EVERYONE loves the black man! You ruined EVERYTHING!”

Chloe tells Mr. F that Estro’s on line 1, and Mr. F says, “I’m totally sitting at Bill Buchanan’s desk now, because it makes me feel pretty.” Chloe half rolls her eyes and nods. “Yeah, I get it. I hate you.”

Mr. F answers the phone, and Estro says, “Mr. F, it’s 11 p.m. Do you know where your Jack Bauer is?” “My who? Oh yeah, him. He’s supposed to be on his way here. But he’s gone off the grid. Which means we can’t find his destroyer nor his submarine. Need I even mention his Battleship?”

Estro tells her that he’s issuing an executive order for Jack’s arrest and framing.  Mr. F says, “What’d he do?” Estro says, “You know, he killed that black guy that everyone loves. Even SarahK loved him, and she doesn’t love anyone.”  Mr. F says, “But I thought you said he didn’t do it, and now you’re waffling… are you sure you’re Republican?” and Estro says something about new information, like the information that he’s a scum-sucking weasel not fit to lick Jack’s boots, and tells Mr. F to keep the warrant on the down-low. “You mean like your sexual preferences?” “And yours.”

Audrey fakes going over a report with Chloe so she can ask for a private secured super-strong cell-phone. Make sure it’s a Sprint Treo! Chloe says she can do anything except smile and then notices the warrant for Jack flash across her screen. Audrey draws some black clouds and crows into the background and says ominously, “It’s starting.” Chloe says, “Oh no. I hope you don’t mean our chamomile tea hour. I’m not ready! I’m not ready!”

Mr. F joins them and says she wants to talk to them about Jack’s warrant. Audrey says, “I’ma go get some sleep, but yeah, why the heck is there a warrant?” Chloe mentions the teeny fact that someone else confessed and tells Mr. F that she should read the logs because she’s a moron. Mr. F says she knows about the logs, and then writes down “check logs” on her hand in red pen.

When Audrey finally has enough, she walks out, and Mr. F calls SexHarassman and the new blonde chick Valerie, and they tell Mr. F  the transponder is on Audrey’s car. She says, “Yay! She’ll lead us to Jack! I’m so excited!”

Chloe keeps typing.

Still no Rico Suave, and it’s still the wrong Palmer brother that’s alive and with Jack. Wayne says, “We don’t need guns to rob a bank, right?” and Jack says, “Don’t be a wuss. If we’re gonna pretend to rob a bank, we have to have guns.” And they’re robbing the bank because they need to get to the safe deposit box where Evelyn had the evidence.

Jack, like Sydney Bristow, can disarm any alarm and pick any lock, so Jack and Wayne bust in to the bank manager’s house and scare him and his wife. Manager tries to yell for wifey. Jack punches him in the throat. They tie up the wife and tell the bank manager they’re going to the bank.

Audrey calls her daddy, and the SecDef is back on the show. He’s gonna stop off in L.A. to see his Precious. Audrey calls Chloe from the gas station, and Chloe helps Whiny find the tracker on the car. She puts it on a big rig (18 wheels on one of those, you know). Audrey’s jacket is pretty.

Estro and the Veep have a confrontation. The Veep is upset about the warrant for Jack, Estro tells him there’s new evidence, and the Veep’s like yeah right. Estro says that Walt must have been covering for Jack but now there’s no doubt that Jack was the shooter. Aaron is in the room when the conversation happens, and Estro dismisses him so Aaron can go talk to the first lady in secret.

Evelyn falls down goes boom, and Amy, the bad daughter, calls 9-1-1. Bad girl calling 9-1-1 when your mommy’s dying!

Estro has a press conference. Says he’s a major hero. Marty is talking to Aaron saying that Estro really had a good day, what with thwarting madeup terrorists and whatnot. Aaron is “battle-worn” and calls Jack to ask if there’s anything he can do for Jack. Jack says watch your back and don’t blink. SarahK thinks Aaron’s going to die heroically. Because we all love Aaron, and the writers hate us all.

CTU finds out that Audrey ditched the transponder, and Mr. F tells Harassman to find her. Something unimportant like that.

Jack and Wayne make the bank manager break into the bank, and Jack says, “No funny business, or I’ll totally put a hit out on your wife. I can do that, because I’m Jack Bauer, and you’re nobody.” Management asks Wayne why they’re there, and he recognizes Wayne. Jack, you should have taken Rico Suave. WHERE IS CURTIS? I WANT HIM BACK! NOW!

Anyway. Wayne tells him they just want evidence on who killed David, Management asks why they didn’t just get a subpoena. Wayne says, “They’re after me! They want to snatch my body! I’m scared!” and Management says, fine, whatever.

EMTs arrive for Evelyn, and Robo busts in and shoots the EMTs. Evelyn is barely lucid, Robo asks where Jack is, and Bad Amy screams for effect.

Marty and Estro are talking, and she’s praising him like crazy. “You were magnificent!” “Magnificent! I could get used to being called that! Especially if it came from an attractive, neat, well-dressed man!”

Yeah, so it kinda sucks that now that Estro’s grown a pair, he grew an evil pair. He gets a call from Robo, who tells him they’re on their way to get Jack. Estro says tell me when it’s done, and when Marty asks when what’s done, she can tell he’s lying.

NEWSFLASH! AUDREY IS ON MULHOLLAND HEADED FOR THE SCOOBY-DOO PASS! Or something like that. It would be incredibly heartbreaking (for no one) if she were to get run off the road and die.

Over-Sensitive Girl asks Chloe if she’s got a minute. “No.” I love her. Over-Sensitive is on to Chloe, but she doesn’t realize it, because Chloe’s way smarter than her.

The Robogang arrives at the bank so they can have a big hairy shootout. Robocop, of course, isn’t there, so these guys are all wearing red shirts. Red’s such a pretty color for a shirt.

They get into the safety deposit box and listen to a recording that implicates Estro and Robocop. Management now wants to help any way he can. Jack says he wants his car for a little longer. “My car??? But gas prices!!” “Don’t worry, I’ll bring it back with a full tank of gas!” They decide to trip the silent alarm so LAPD and Robogang can have a shootout, which the Three Amigos can use as a diversion.

Does SexHarassman do anything other than look like a worm? Just wondering. Chloe’s corrupting the satellite feed (in private) so they can’t track Audrey. SHMan realizes the server is corrupt, and Chloe’s not at her desk. Meanwhile, she deletes the server files to some Mission Impossible Sean Callery tunes. He gets there, she’s gone, he finds her coming out of the bathroom. He asks what she was doing. “Are you kidding? If you really want the details I’ll write you a report.”

Jack and his P99 (such a beautiful gun, I want to clean it and shoot it and caress it and load it with hollow points) lead the way out of the bank as the LAPD shows up. Military shows up too. Jack, Management, and Wayne run out and steal a police car, because that’s what innocent people do. Management gets killed. His poor wife. Jack calls Audrey and says that Estro is for shizzay a bad guy. What a shocker ending! Estro’s bad!

Next week:  SecDef asks how they know the recording is real. Then he confronts Estro and tells him the gig is up. SHMan (turns out, his name is Miles, which is perfect for such a creep) sets up Chloe with the help of Over-Sensitive Girl and tells Chloe she’s going to jail. Maybe at the end of the season, Chloe and Jack will escape overseas together! Jack tells Bill that Estro’s bad and using the military to keep his secret (not the brokeback secret, the evil pair of balls secret). Jack gets in a shootout of some sort.

it’s only been half a morning, but it’s working so far.

today i’ve showered, moisturized my face, brushed my teeth, made Frank’s lunch, poured Frank’s coffee, done a load of laundry, put stuff in my hair, walked the dog, fed the dog (after the walk), pet the kitties, gotten dressed twice, read a couple of blogs, checked email, edited some IMWs, unpacked a box (yes, i still have 10 or so boxes to unpack and a garage to empty), and taken the dog to pee.

yay me!

So I walked the bad dog this morning, on her new schedule. With her backpack on, of course. On the way back, there was a guy with a Shih Tzu walking toward us. I saw him reach down and scoop up his dog when I started getting close. I rolled my eyes on the inside and kept walking. Then he told me his yapper would go crazy at Rowdi if he were on the ground, so he had to pick him up. Again, my eyes rolled on the inside. Then:

STRANGE MAN WITH YAPPY DOG:  So you’re watching the Dog Whisperer, huh? Walking your dog with the saddle?

SARAHK:  Oh yeah. It’s a backpack, she’s not a horse, but whatever.

Then I thought, wait. If he watches Dog Whisperer, he should know that picking up his yapper around the big dogs is only going to make him worse. Just don’t let him freak out, and don’t coddle him.

Anyway, he was nice, and the yapper didn’t yap at my dog.

Gotta go. I’m 15 minutes late for my next scheduled item (but I blame Frank, he turned the alarm off instead of snoozing it – I’m just gonna have to set my own alarm).

Got an email from Martha today (Martha of Hank and Martha from the cruise). Of course, I haven’t yet responded, because I’m bad, but I got such a kick when she gave me a message from Hank:  they had fish tacos this week, too. Haha, we were eating them for lunch when I read the email. Also, she called me her adopted daughter, so that put a huge smile on my face. It’s crazy how alike we are.

The goals. On the Saturday dog walk, we talked about needing to get a plan for getting out of Florida (hmm, I wonder who brought that up). The goal is to be writing for a living by the time we move. We’re suspecting either Idaho or Texas, since the next place we live is probably where we’ll have our kids, and we definitely want grandparents around.  So. This has turned into a strict schedule for me, because my #1 priority is getting the first In My World compilation edited, plus editing his short story that has received interest from a sci-fi magazine.

The schedule.  It’s strict but doable. The main reason for the strict schedule is to keep the dog on a strict schedule, but the benefit is that my days are mapped out so I’m super-productive. Tomorrow is the first day, and I’ll let y’all know how many minutes it lasts. Actually, I’m very committed, so I’m going to make this work.

Dog Yeller with SarahK. That would be the show if I were Cesar Millan. Anyway, yesterday morning we were lying in bed, and the phone rang. It was Vickie, my massage therapist. Her neighbor Vickie has a German Shepherd who pulls her all over the place, and she’s at her wit’s end, with tears and everything (sounds like me the day Rowdi made me chase her through the neighborhood and I was a big sobbing mess). So Vickie told her about me and said she should talk to me about it, because my dog is so much better now. This made me laugh so hard inside (I mean, she is better, but the thought of me being someone to go to on this is hysterical). I haven’t talked to her yet (she missed my call and is supposed to call me next), but I’ll of course tell her about the Gentle Leader, the Dog Whisperer TV show, Cesar’s DVD, and Cesar’s book. Maybe when she gets her dog under control, our dogs can play together (he’s a boy). All the dogs in our neighborhood are mean to Rowdi. The little ones nip at her nose and yap yap yap until she leaves, and the big dogs growl and bark. Poor bad dog.

Speaking of Cesar Millan. I quickly jumped ahead in the book (we received it the day it came out) to see how he got to the U.S. It turns out, he came here illegally (though he’s now legally here and working on becoming a citizen). I’m all kinds of against illegal immigration, but I did get a new perspective on it reading Cesar’s reasoning for why he had to come illegally. It had nothing to do with the U.S. and everything to do with the corrupt Mexican government. I’m still against illegal immigration, but now it’s not completely black and white for me. Yeah, I know, it’s one man’s account. But the thing about that man is that he learned English, doesn’t run around protesting with Mexican flags and throwing our hospitality back in our faces, contributes to society, and is not a tax burden.

On TV’s LOST.  I’m getting bored with LOST. Everything is a mystery. From what’s up with the island, to who’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, to who Kate’s going to be in love with today, to who’s going to be stupid enough to ask Sawyer for help. There’s not enough action. Jack and Locke are fighting like a couple of females. Really, why don’t they just go out to the ocean and have that peeing contest. And quit acting like girls fighting over who gets to be captain of the cheering squad. The second most annoying thing about LOST, though, is that I’m having serious Rambaldi flashbacks. The ALIAS peeps never really knew what the whole Rambaldi endgame was, so at the end of season 4, they had the stupid big red ball making people evil. That’s it? Are you kidding? And now, the writers (and probably creator) of LOST don’t have a clue what’s going on with the island, so they make it like a Monday through Friday soap opera. Nothing happens on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday (hello, Days of Our Lives), so people really only get any entertainment out of Monday and Friday. Problem is, and this is the #1 most annoying thing about LOST, they only show it every 4 weeks or so. So one week we get a decent episode, then they’re off for 4 weeks, then 3 inconsequential eps in a row, then off for 4 weeks, then one decent episode… and so on. After the most recent hiatus, I had no desire to get back into it.

And on 24… I still think Audrey’s in on some bigger plot, the DHS lady (Mr. F) is evil, Tony’s not dead, and we haven’t seen the last of Walt’s widow. Oh, and the Chinese government – I’ll bet they figure out Jack’s not dead, if they haven’t already.

And in Melbourne, Florida, we got rain! It was fantastic, around 4:30 Saturday morning we started having major thunder and lightning, and the rain lasted a couple of hours. I was so happy to see the rain. And I’m pretty sure my Gerbera daisy plant outside was happy to see it too, because now I not only have the one big flower standing tall, I also have two new babies making their way up!

The weather today was fabulous. And we have mucho clouds, so I’m hoping this cooler weather will continue.

Gotta go to bed now. The new schedule says so.

i dreamed that the cats and the dog were taking over the house. the cats were fine, because they already own the place, but Rowdi decided that as long as she was on a kitchen counter, she was the alpha of the house because she was taller than me, so she could bite me. and she bit me hard every time i walked by her, until i threw her on the ground and Minerva kicked her butt.

then switch, i dreamed that Frank and i were at an adventure park, and they had a “ride” where you get on a boat, and you’re kidnapped by masked men. they go drop you off out in the middle of the ocean. but they take you out there by boat (to very shark-infested waters) and then you get in a helicopter and they drop you from the sky into the ocean. sure, you’re in a shark tank, and sure, they’re very carefully controlling everything, but the shark tank is made of termite-ridden wood, and it starts falling apart when we’re halfway to the ocean below us. by the time we get to the ocean, the tank has no bottom, and Frank is telling me (i guess he’s Aquamanish, because he’s speaking underwater) to stay at least 10 feet above the bottom of the tank (and the tank was only 6 feet tall) and i won’t get eaten by a shark.

i woke up when a shark was coming toward me with its mouth wide open. and i looked up, and i was sure that our ceiling fan looked like a shark.

and that’s what happens when i go to bed at 10 p.m.

Hey, that’s the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. He’s singing country with his band now on Fox & Friends. He’s really good. It’s fairly popish country (reminds me a lot of Pat Green, whom I love, and a LOT of Honeybrowne), but it’s still good.

Ew, Simon is right. Ryan needs to lose the beard.

Kenny is here to perform, and I can’t tell you how much I hope he sings “The Gambler”. I love that song, I have a corny passion for it every time it comes on the radio. No, seriously, I actually picture the guy sleeping on the train, I picture the ace up the sleeve, and yes. I picture that Gambler breaking even. Oh, and yeah, I dance, dance, dance. You know, stick my right arm out like it’s in someone’s hand and hold my left arm up like I’m holding onto someone’s shoulder, and I country dance. Poorly, yeah, but I do it proudly, baby.

Instead, Kenny’s singing “I Can’t Unlove You” off his new album. I love everything he ever sings.

BTW, what’s going on with Fakey Fake’s hair tonight? From one side, it looks like she got it all chopped off by her $300 hairstylist. The other side looks like a ponytail. Whatever, I think we did that in the ‘80s, so she wouldn’t remember what a bad look that is. Wow, I really don’t like her, do I?

Oh, here’s the next sucky Ford commercial. Look at Kellie making all her acting faces. “What’s a car? What do the wheels do? No, for real, I didn’t know what a ballsy was! I thought it had to do with male anack… anamo… anatomy, but I’m sure they wouldn’t say that on national TV!”

So the groups are Taylor, Kellie, Chris – would be a shocker if that was the bottom 3, but stranger things have happened. Mandisa, Elliott, and Paris—I’m betting that’s the bottom 3. Bucky, Katharine, and Ace—they’ve all been in the bottom 3 before, but for some reason, I’ve got Katharine on the high end this week.

Taylor, Kellie, Chris are safe.

I’m betting Mandisa, Elliott, and Paris are the bottom 3, though I’d rather it be the other way around. Can’t say I’d be sorry to see Paris go. What a disappointment she’s been after having one of the very best auditions.

And the bottom 3 are Mandisa, Elliott, and Paris. 1st time in the bottom 3 for any of them. I bet Elliott goes home. Of those in the bottom 3, my pick is definitely Paris to go, but I just have a bad feeling about Elliott. I’ve felt all along that he was hanging out of the bottom 3 by a thread… eek, I’m so nervous!

Paris is safe, so one of the two best voices this season is going home. Wow, this is my first major disappointment of the season. Mandisa is gone. She should have worn this outfit last night. I wonder why she lost votes… I tried and tried, but her line was busy all the time I tried to call. I have a theory. I’ll keep it to myself.

I’m so sad she’s leaving. There’s no justice in the world if that fake tone-deaf idiot sticks around while Mandisa is gone. I’m just about done with the show. Who’s left?

Chris? He’s gonna be big in music no matter what, so I’m not worried about him, and I seriously don’t give a rat’s pinkytoe how he sounds singing Cher tunes (mark my words, they’ll have a Cher night, she’s perfectly campy enough).

Taylor? I’m losing faith in him because he’s getting boring and lazy like Ruben. What’s he doing these days, anyway? Exactly.

Elliott? Love his voice, but he’s the 2nd-worst song chooser in the top 12, so he’ll be gone soon, too.

Katharine? Usually bores me. 3rd-worst song chooser. Go to Broadway, you’ll be fantastic for showtunes. No, that’s not an insult, it’s just her niche, but she’s gonna have to take risks if she’s ever going to be a pop star. No laurels, no resting. Stop playing around and sing like you want to win. If you don’t want to win, go away and hug your roommate.

Paris? Go home. I’m tired of hearing your cutesy boring bubble gum pop. You’re cute as a button, but you’re the absolute worst song-chooser in this competition.

Bucky? Apparently forgettable. I had to actually scroll back up to see who I was missing in my list. It was Bucky. Very likeable, I really do want to bake him a cobbler and have his whole family over for jambalaya, but I can’t believe that he’ll be able to sing like it’s on purpose 3 weeks in a row. At least the last two weeks have been better.

Ace? Give me a break. Take an allergy pill so you can breathe through your nose and sing through your mouth. You’ll never be Justin Timberlake, and you’ll never be Michael Jackson, so lay off the horrible falsetto. And please. Please. Stop molesting the camera, only freaks do that.

Kellie? Need I say it? Hit her with a tuning fork, please! (Yes, that’s a reused insult, but it’s one of my best all season, and she has worn me down. I’m too tired for any more this week.)

I’m guessing I’ll blog this a week or two longer, but I don’t see myself sticking around for the end of the season unless they all shape up and stop fooling around. This has been the most boring and disappointing top 12 of the 3 I’ve seen. Maybe one of the more talented, but they don’t know how to use it. So what good is that?

So… Can y’all tell the dog bit me 4 times today, and it’s apparently my fault that she does that? Yes, telling a dog no, don’t eat that plastic bottle, is so abusive. I deserve to be bitten. Bad SarahK. I hate dogs.

Back to Mandisa. Even though I’m so sad she’s going home, I still couldn’t stop myself from dancing to “Bad Day”. But now Frank said he’s not going to buy it for me, because now it makes him sad.

If Mandisa had sung last night the way she sang tonight, she wouldn’t have been in the bottom 3. I think last night she was very unsure of her song choice, and the distraction killed her. I’ll miss her.

I’m so fed up.

So the 1st a/c man (from the company that installed the a/c) said it was the compressor the first day and that we’d need to pay a labor charge of $500 for that warranty replacement because it’s been 3.5 years, and their labor is only warrantied for a year. And after we called the builder, it was miraculously nothing to do with the compressor, so someone must have sucked the freon out of the compressor late at night for huffing purposes (no really, that’s what he told me). And his amp-meter must have been tricked because it rained that day, and that can fool the amp-meter. Seriously, he said that. Except that it didn’t rain that day until after he left, but whatever, I’m just a dumb housewife, so logic is completely lost on me.

So a month later, it was hot again. So Monday a/c man #2 (from the same company that installed the a/c) came out here. He said there was a leak in a cap tube (which a/c man #1 called a “feeder tube” today), so he repaired the leak and recharged the a/c unit, so yay, we had freon. That was Monday.

Yesterday afternoon it was really hot in here again (after 1 day, this time it didn’t even last 30 days).

So today a/c man #1 came back out. He said that he checked everything, and there wasn’t any leak in a feeder tube and that that guy didn’t know what he was doing (I paid $132 for that leak and have just called the a/c company and told them I want the refund for Monday’s work since their #1 guy just said there was no leak for #2 guy to fix, and the owner’s gonna have to call me on that one because he’s the only one with authority to discuss refunds). #1 said he recharged it again this time, and that last time, the reason he thought the compressor was bad was because he had to dig under to get to this copper tubing that would indicate freon so he would be able to tell from that if there was no charge in the compressor (so he didn’t use the amp-meter at all the first time, dumb housewife).

Then he told me that I now have freon, but it’s gonna go away again, because he’s checked everything, and the only thing it can be is a leak under the house. A leak in the copper tubing. Then he said, “That’s completely normal, it happens a lot.” I said, “Then why do you use copper?” “It’s the only thing we can use. And it corrodes.” “You don’t cover it with anything?” “No.”

So he estimated that we have about 60 feet of copper tubing, asked if I know the dimensions of my house, and I said, no, not off the top of my head. He stumbled around for a while until I said, “And how much does that cost?” and yes, it was in a bit of an accusing tone, because by now, my BS-meter was shooting into the red zone. “About 60 feet, that’s going to run you about $600.” Then he looked a little surprised when I reached down toward my feet and came up with our house survey and started looking at it. It actually just happened to be there. But I can’t do geometry in my head like I can do algebra (dumb housewife that I am), so I eventually put it down.

Then I told him I’ll need to discuss it all with my husband, and thanks for coming out. I left out the part about me thinking he’s feeding me a different big bag of bullcrap every time he comes out. He left and said he’ll let the office know his findings. Frank and I are both starting to think that they’re trying to screw us, and we’re about a tick away from reporting them to the Better Business Bureau.

Kenny Rogers! Yay! Wow, he looks fantastic. Actually, not so much like Kenny, but I know that’s Kenny, because it’s his voice. Lots of plastic surgery? Anyway, who cares, it’s Kenny, and I don’t care if he gets Dolly’s boobs put on his body, as long as he can still sing.

Kenny is saying what he means and not sugarcoating. Yay! I love it! He actually said Taylor seemed weak at first. That’s awesome, I like when they tell the truth.

IDOLS 01… So Taylor is singing “Take Me Home, Country Road” by John Denver. That was one of Taylor’s most boring performances ever. I don’t think he’s ever sang a bad note, though. He’s never flat, never sharp, so we know he’s talented, but that was a horrible song choice. It was exactly as Simon said, safe and boring. Rewatch:  Oh, I do love his high notes. Still boring. And oh my dear Captain Tightpants, please please loosen up.

IDOLS 02… Mandisa is singing “Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain. First of all, it’s a Shania song, so that’s strike one. And once she sings her first phrase, I know it’s the wrong song choice for her. The whole song was awful. Way too deep in the low range for her for most of the song. PAULA:  “Mandisa, you can sing the phone book, you can sing the Encyclopedia, you can sing anything.” SARAHK:  “Yeah, but she can’t sing that song.” Re:  wardrobe. I’m disappointed. It’s not as modest as she usually is. And she really just shouldn’t wear jeans. Rewatch:  Note to Mandisa: You don’t need to sing teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda songs. It was just uncomfortable for me.

IDOLS 03… Elliott’s singing “If Tomorrow never Comes” by Garth Brooks. I’m not a big Garth fan, but he has great songs (make sense?). Elliott’s wearing brown, so of course, he gets my vote, as that’s my recently confessed favorite color. Anyway, it’s good, a little subdued and safe, but kinda the right balance of smooth v. warbling. I personally liked it a lot and enjoyed it more than Garth. Plus Elliott took liberties with the melody, and I like that. Did Paula just say that “If Tomorrow Never Comes” is a hard song to sing? No, it’s really not, but I don’t care. Simon agrees. Rewatch:  I enjoyed it just as much the second time around. He’s probably my #2 tonight.

IDOLS 04… Ryan is asking Paris how many hairstyles she can possibly have. I dunno, Ryan, how many over-priced t-shirts can you possibly have? She’s singing “How Do I Live” by Trisha Yearwood if you’re country, Leann Rimes if you’re pop (sorry, but Leann’s version was the lesser of the two, because she was way too much about herself on that song). Here’s hoping that she’s singing Trisha… aaaaand she’s not. The first “ever survive” was… um… wait, Frank, can you pause the DVR? I’m not done baggin’ on Paris. Anyway, the first ever survive was screechy and just offkey enough that I couldn’t tell if it was sharp or flat, but it made my face hurt listening to it. The second one was fine. She looks great, I love every part of the outfit, including the hair. Oh look at me being Paula. “Paris, you’re beautiful tonight, so you should be proud.” Really, the song was awful. And Simon must be doing that reverse psychology thing. ? BTW, didn’t Jessica sing this song last year and it was awful? Rewatch: Just really did nothing for me. And I really didn’t like the cuts, it could have been cut much better. Just doesn’t flow. Eh, not impressed.

IDOLS 05… Ace is next, and Kenny’s like, “Ace sings with his heart” (hearts don’t make pretty music), so we know this is gonna s-u-c-K. He’s singing Keith Urban’s “Tonight I Wanna Cry”. This is terrible and boring and … sorry, I was sleeping. What’s going on? Oh yeah, Paula’s talking. Anyway, I was praying for him to leave off the falsetto, because his falsetto makes me wanna cry, but he had to do a whole phrase of it and not just one note, and that means there’s all kinds of cringing goin’ on up here in the house of J. Ryan:  “Ladies, he’s officially single.” Translation:  “Like Clay Aiken and me, Ace has failed to find the right woman.” Wink wink, nudge nudge, I heart Kathy Griffin.  Rewatch:  The purple tulips I bought today are very pretty. It wasn’t as awful the second time around. The chorus sounds like the chorus from “Wind Beneath My Wings”, now that I hear it again. I was too busy hating it the first time. It’s still fairly off-key, and there’s that dreadful falsetto. Yech.

[HELL AIN’T FROZE OVER YET, Y’ALL]... Kellie Pickler is next, dressed in her jeans and brassiere. Nice girl, that Kellie Pickler. Ok, so Ryan asks her, “Are you really as big an idiot as you pretend, or are you faking, you big phony Earsore?” “No, really, I never heard of calamaray, and salmon has an L in it.” Yeah, well Kellie, “pseudo” has a silent “p” – don’t hurt yourself trying to figure out how to pronounce it – also “fake” has a silent “e” but it’s not pronounced “fakey” unless I say “fakey fake Kellie Pickler”, and “pretense” also has that big fat silent “e”. But you know what, now that Ryan axed you if you’re fake, and you said, “Naw, I wouldn’t even know how to spell fake, what with that silent ‘e’ and all”, I believe ya. You must be the real thang!

Oh how I love it when they read what I write about them.

EEEEEEEEE OK! WHEN I WAS THINKING THIS WEEK WHAT SONGS EVERYONE WOULD SING FOR COUNTRY NIGHT, I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO SING “FANCY” BY REBA!  Poor Frank, I just turned and screamed that at him at high volume. Kenny:  “This is the perfect song for her.” SarahK:  “Yeah, I know, it’s about a prostitute, and we’ve seen that prom dress!” For the record, I think Chris is going to sing “Papa Loved Mama” or “Rodeo” or something by Toby Keith.

I’m going to hate myself in the morning (“but I’m gonna love you tonight”) and blame it on Paula’s vodka, but she was actually on-key most of the time. I have to be honest and say she sang well. But I can dis the hand gestures and laugh at the fact that half of voting AI watchers think she’s a tramp (allegedly) and what a perfect song that makes it for her.  For once, I’ll say this:  Great song choice, Kellie!! Rewatch:  Don’t walk and sing your low notes at the same time. I do really wanna know why she must pronounce “uptown” “upchown”.  And she’s pretty weak when she needs to be strong. And she’s still a major phony. You might fool a lot of people, but I was married to your type once upon a time (no, not a girl, a phony), and I knows ‘em when I sees ‘em.

Sweet, Frank left all his sauce from the Cranberry Barbecue Chicken I made tonight, so I totally get to finish it off.

IDOLS 07… Chris is singing “Making Memories of Us” by Keith Urban. That was awesome. We finally see the softer side, no jumping around, no flipping the mic stand, that was fantastic. Simon says that it was nice to see the softer side (we were all brainwashed by that Sears commercial way back, no?) but that for the last 2 weeks all the contestants had horrible song choices. You can’t blame them for last week – the last 6 years haven’t been the greatest for music (except Dave Matthews and Toby Keith and a few others), and this week – um, what, do you expect Chris to know all the country songs and pick the very best? Let’s see how Kellie does Nirvana week. Rewatch:  It was beautiful this time too. Well done.

Frank just said, “So why do we have this guy from the chicken restaurants coaching these singers?” and if he wasn’t joking, it would be the end of him.

IDOLS 08… So. Katharine hates me (why do they always front me?). She’s singing Faith Hill’s “Bringing Out the Elvis”, and we know how I feel about that (scroll to Melissa McGhee). That’s OK if she hates me, the only ones I really want to love me are Mandisa, Chris, and Taylor, if I’m telling the Kellie-Pickler’s-honest truth. Goodness, girl, are you letting Kellie pick your songs? You know she wants to sabotage you, right? No, wait, she’s just a sweet, All-American country bumpkin who wouldn’t sell her own mother up the river to get what she wants. Oh how I hate this song. She’s wearing brown and purple, so you know I’m gonna love the wardrobe. Ok, so it was one of the best of the night, because tonight has been awful. Screechy on the high notes.  Rewatch:  Much better the 2nd time around, because I was over it being a song that I hate so much, but she needs to make sure she stays on the mic all the time. Anyway, it was really good on the repeat.

IDOLS 09… Bucky is singing “Best I Ever Had”... um, by Vertical Horizon. I guess Gary Allan released it in 2005, but I immediately said, “That’s a rock song. I know that song.” Sure ‘nuff. It’s on that album where the girl is cartwheeling into the water or something like that. “You’re a God” is on the same album. But he didn’t sing it rock, so I’ll give it to him. It was good, pretty, boring, safe, too understated. He must think he’s not on the bubble any more since he wasn’t in the bottom 3 last week, so he’s not going for it. But really, no one is, so whatever. Rewatch:  Still pretty, still boring, pitchier than it was before, and very forgettable.

Vocally, tonight (voting for the * ones once, ** ones twice where Frank and I both vote):

Chris**
Elliott**
Katharine**
Kellie (I’m going to hell for putting her in the top half, I’m sure of it, but don’t worry – I’ll never vote for her!)
Bucky*
Taylor* (so boring) – come ON Taylor, you know you’re better than this!
Mandisa**
Paris
Ace

Prediction:  This is pulled straight out of my pinkytoe, because this was such an awful week that it’s really hard to predict. Bottom 3 will be Ace, Mandisa, Bucky. No wait, Ace, Paris, Bucky. But if there’s a big shocker this week, it’ll be that Bucky is safe, and Taylor is in the bottom 3. Ace goes home.

over at IMAO.

no, i don’t have them yet. i’m still trying to pick them out, there are so many good ones! anyway, if anyone wants a link to the website where pictures can be viewed and ordered, just comment here or shoot me an email, and i’ll send you the website and password. because we all know it will be years before i actually have them up!

i’m sitting on the couch planning the menu for the week so i can go do a big grocery shop—wait, lemme sidetrack for a minute. i did this last week, bought exactly what i needed, and only improvised twice, because both days, i couldn’t make myself make the mexican shredded pork, because i was just not in the mood for eating that. the kitchen was clean by the end of the week (and the sink empty), because everything was so well organized. i’m even on this kick of throwing out the leftovers when they’re a week old and throwing any bad veggies out of the crisper each week. i HATE cleaning out a syrupy crisper when something leaks all over it. it’s 20 straight minutes of gagreflexes while i clean it, so i just prefer to avoid the scenario altogether.

ok, so i’m sitting here planning the menu, and i’m doing what i always do when i’m thinking and have a pen in my hand. that’s right, i’m chewing on the pen cap. and i guess i made a sucking noise, because i tend to suck on the cap too. Rowdi turns around and gives me a look. like, “what was the noise? can you recreate that sound?” so i do it again, and she’s satisfied that it’s not a cat making the noise.

this is to report that Rachel and Tammi always hit my blog one right after the other. Tammi usually shows up right before Rachel. this happens at least once a day. finally today, i went, “what is it with those two? they must be on the same pee schedule too.”

so… ladies… tell me your pee schedules. i must compare.

she’s not confined to only the kitchen anymore. yay for the bad dog.

let us mark yesterday and today as major migraine days. i’m thinking these are Alice-related. first time i’ve ever noticed a connection.

and the A/C went out again this weekend. yesterday it got up to 84 in the livingroom, and i’m pretty sure it was cooler outside at that moment. mysteriously, the A/C man just happened to be driving onto our street Friday while i was walking Rowdi. not that i think this is a big conspiracy. nor that i’m a little paranoid. however, i doubt that the A/C company is going to react well when i say, “hey, since you installed the compressor in the first place and are probably the reason it’s busted after 3.5 years, why don’t you just give us the compressor [under warranty], and we’ll pay someone else for the labor, because i really don’t want to pay you to do something wrong again.” eh, i probably won’t say it, because Frank is calling them today (because of my phone aversion), and he’s way nicer than me, so he won’t say it either.

i know that guy broke my A/C.

so… daylight saving time. somehow i missed every single instance of people saying “don’t forget to set your clocks ahead”.

my hubby. i’ve been thinking all day how lucky i am to have him. how really really great things worked out for me this time, and how i’m so excited to be spending the rest of my life with him. it really hit home for me when i was making fish tacos tonight. i cleaned the whole kitchen, ran the dishwasher, cooked to my heart’s content, sliced up some apples, and we had a yummy meal. he loved the tacos, i loved making them (plus guacamole) for him, the dog loved lounging in the livingroom, the cats loved watching the dog.. nice happy family. i love all the time i spend with him (he even waits until i’m in the kitchen ignoring him to watch that vile show The Family Guy, and i love him for not making me go through it), i love our weekends together, and i love being his kept woman. ;-)

being a housewife. i LOVE it. i was talking to my friend Blake yesterday (who got a Corvette, and i told him i’m going to punch him for doing such a thing, and i told him that if he’s having a mid-life crisis, i’ll kill him), and i told Blake that i was born to do this. he said he was too but it didn’t work out for him. LOL. really, though, what’s better than cooking, cleaning, and working on whatever project hubby wants me to work on? be it clean the guns (gun-toting maniac!), edit the IMW compilation (yes, i’m really working hard on it), spend his hard-earned money on pedicures, or walk his dog. this month, i’m even going to tackle that project of getting my hair highlighted and cut (finally!).

guacamole. i love it so much.

Kathy Griffin. the snarker in me bows at her feet. the Hollywood-hata in me kisses her ring. the Christian in me secretly buys tickets to her standup tour and doesn’t tell anyone where we’re going when we go see her. the Clay Gaiken lover in me laughs my pinkytoe off.

having a husband to send to the store. kinda goes along with number 1, but anyway. the fish tacos recipe requires making beer-battered fish. i absolutely will not purchase beer. can’t do it. i’ve never had more than 2 sips, and i just can’t bring myself to buy it. i can buy wine, because the checker lady, seeing all my italian herbs and spices, realizes that i love to cook with wine. if they see me with beer, they think it’s how i get my unsightly stomach, and nosir, it is not. i get my unsightly stomach with lots of hard work and bad foods. i don’t want anyone thinking i have a beer belly. so sweetie, could you go buy me 1 cup of beer? i don’t care which kind, i just need 1 cup of it.

cooking with alcohol. LOVE cooking with alcohol. the other night, we had Cognac Shrimp for dinner. soooo good. of course, i didn’t know how expensive the dinner was until Frank got home with the tiny bottle of Cognac (sweetie, can you stop by that liquor store near the church on your way home from work?) and told me it was fifteen bucks. ouch. the alcohol cooked out, and it tasted like Gretchen Wilson smells on prom night (allegedly). yummo. don’t even get me started on bread pudding with bourbon sauce. i’ll kill for that stuff (gun-toting maniac!).

my wedding photographer (warning:  slow loading website). she’s wonderful. i spent a good part of today trying to narrow down the wedding pics that i want. it’s SO hard, because she took so many fantastic pictures! i get 100 4×6’s, 10 5×7’s, 200 digitals (gotta have something to show my musees), and an amazing 30-page album. fantastic price, too. it’s just so hard, because she took about 350 pics that i want, and i have to narrow it to 200. ergh.

Mary Kay. my Mary Kay girl is in Indianapolis (Rachelle’s sis-in-law). i’ve gotten back into the routine of Timewise night stuff and moisturizer at night, and Timewise day stuff and moisturizer in the morning. it makes my skin pretty, but even if it didn’t, i would still do this. because it makes my skin feel pretty. i touch my face, it feels like i’m glowing. but not nuclear reaction glowing. pretty glowing. and i like being pretty.

finally, it seems the doc’s office is being responsive and responsible. i called on Monday for my refill and had my hormones by Friday, which is when i needed to start the new batch. and this time, i saw that there are 2 refills. so i’m good on prior authorization and prescriptions until the end of June. so for the next 2 months, i’ll be able to call for my refill and get it within a couple of days, and never have to worry that i’m going to go 3 months or even 4 days without them. i’m suspecting that means the migraines will be under control.

the first time i was on the hormones, i started to feel really good near the end of the 2nd month (same this time, i feel good), and near the end of the 3rd month, i suddenly had no stomach. most of the fat there had disappeared. so i’m glad to be entering the 3rd month now.

update on the diet:  i’ve been really good for 3 weeks. max 2 Cokes a day (except 2 days, i had 3). tons of water (seriously, it looks like a bottle factory in here after one day). rice only on Indian food night (and Saturday lunch leftovers). no potatoes, tortillas, pasta, bread, except on Sloppy Joes night, i did have 1 of the Joes on a potato bun and then my 2nd Joe was eaten with a fork. we’ve been eating lots of legumes (yes, i know they have carbs, but they’re not non-sugar white carbs, so they’re in line with this made-up diet).

anyway, i don’t know if i’ve lost weight, and i won’t know. my jeans fit better. i broke the scale and am not going to buy another. no, i didn’t break it with all my fat. i picked it up to move it, and the paper that has the numbers on it moved clockwise. so i picked it up and tried to finesse the paper back to where it belonged, but i only made it worse. finally, i gave up, and Frank now weighs 35 pounds.

so yesterday we took Rowdi on a long walk up by the golfcourse clubhouse. on the way back, i was looking in the direction of the clubhouse, and here was the conversation:

FRANK J.:  What’s wrong?

SARAHK:  Nothing, why?

FRANK J.:  What do you see?

SARAHK:  Nothing, I was just looking at the clubhouse.

FRANK J.:  You looked upset.

SARAHK:  Really?

FRANK J.:  Yeah, you looked like you saw something that upset you.

SARAHK:  Oh! Ha! I was thinking about Kellie Pickler singing “Suds in the Bucket”.

hi. welcome. i hope you enjoy. gun-toting not-truly-Christian dysfunctional maniac that i am. btw, if you’re the one who wanted that gift you gave me back, please email me your address. i still have it sitting in a box, it’s just not been on the high priority list of things to do. but since it’s clutter, i’m more than happy to have it out of here.  glad to hear you’ve been reading.

note to other gun-toters out there:  y’all are maniacs for wanting to be able to protect yourselves. maniacs! and you’re super-radical (dude)!

yeck. i bought this stuff for both the bathrooms so i always have a cleaner in the bathrooms. it smells like dirt with a hint of lime. i’m not a big fan of cleaners that smell like dirt. and i don’t like to waste stuff, but it’s bad enough that i might get rid of both of them and buy new cleaners. what a disappointment.

that’s the title of the email i got from Pier 1 this morning. so i opened the email, and my first thought was, “now with even more wicker!”

just when i thought there was no wicker left in the world, they did find it.

it’s that time of the month. well, not yet, but it’s on its way. and last night and again this morning, weird stabbing migraines, top left side of the head only. usually my migraines are in my right eye or somewhere on the right side of my head. so i’m thinking Alice migraines are different from the others… this is the first time i’ve noticed Alice causing any kind of migraines.

Kirstie Alley wears way too much eye makeup in her new Jenny Craig commercials.

the Discovery Home channel has lots and lots of really stupid commercials that include men dancing around chairs.

we drink way too much bottled water. the empty water bottles can take over the whole house in a matter of hours. that’s partially my fault, because i know i should take each one out as soon as i’m done with it. but i get so tired of straddling that baby gate that i have to crawl over to get to the kitchen to get to the garage. and if it wasn’t the baby gate, it would be something else, like there’s a door in the way to the garage. so my solution is to restrict our water intake. otherwise, the bar between the kitchen and livingroom will never stay free of clutter.

i’m not the one one who’s controlled by clutter. there are people out there almost worse than me. and i see what a team of 10 people can do to those people’s houses in a matter of 2 days, so as long as i can devote 20 straight days to doing nothing but decluttering, i should be able to get this under control. guest room and master bedroom are almost done. i’m totally reorg-ing the guest room, moving everything around.

if you cook split pea soup just a little too long, you get puke-green mush. mmmmm mmmmm pretty.

Jay Leno’s a jerk. no wait, i already knew that. but i was watching Kathy Griffin’s reality show the other day (and i’m so annoyed, because i didn’t realize they were running all the shows back to back, i thought they were running the same one several times, so i missed all but the one where she went on Jay Leno). anyway, he made a horrible comment to her, and now i think he’s even a bigger fatter jerk than i thought before.

i really really like fresh thyme.

i can’t find one for the bedroom that isn’t stainless steel, plastic, or brown wicker. i’d be happy with black wicker or black metal, but all i can find are things that don’t match the decor. the master bedroom is the only room in the house without a trashcan.
it’s very frustrating, the business of finding trashcans.

Ryan is totally wearing a preacher tie tonight.
“It’s one big happy family,” says Lisa Tucker. Yeeeeeeeah. We believe you. And we believe that Paula doesn’t have a substance abuse problem (allegedly).
The Ford commercial was stupid with a capital Kellie.
Aw man. Kellie’s sitting with all the safe people. Darnit.

Ha! I’m so funny. Frank just read one of the posters from the audience. “Ace makes me flush.” My response:  “...the toilet.”
The sound is horrible for Shakira and Wyclef Jean. Well, at least you know they’re performing live and not lip synching. I feel bad for Shakira, though. Looks like Sydney attacked her hair in the middle of the night, and she couldn’t find a comb. She has a nice belly. And once you get past the hair, she’s really beautiful.
Ugh. Taylor, Paris, Kellie, Mandisa, Chris are all safe. I’m happy with all but Kellie. Well, not so crazy about Paris hanging around, but we all know she’s not leaving this week anyway.
Elliott is safe. Lisa is in the bottom 3. Ace is in the bottom 3. Between Katharine and Bucky, I’m betting Katharine is in the bottom 3 just for shocker’s sake (and based on the outfit she wore last night. I really do hope she gets a new stylist.). Wow, how does poor Bucky feel with the whole crowd erupting in a chorus of boos when Katharine was called over.
So. Ace is safe. Lisa and Katharine are both gritting their teeth. Katharine is mortified. Kellie looks really happy. Did you catch Ryan saying, “Paula, what do you think about these two being the bottom two, especially Katharine?” That was incredibly rude to Lisa. I mean, I’d say stuff like that on a blog or behind her back, but to her face? That’s just tacky. Shame on Ryan.

And so it goes that Lisa is gone. No big surprise there, she knew she was leaving. She even wore her performin’ clothes. Oh, and look while Lisa sings, they’re zooming in on Kellie, who is paying more attention to herself singing along than to Lisa’s swan song. And when they all go over for the big happy group hug and fake cry, Kellie’s still focusing on herself singing.

Ha, next week is country. I predict that Simon will say something retarded (because, yes, I’m losing my faith in him this season, and he has a bad memory). He’ll say, “Bucky, I’m getting a bit ti-yad of you nevah bronching out and singing anythin othah than country. You’re stahting to bore me, if I’m being ohnest.” And to Chris, he’ll say, “Chris, what I’ve liked about you throughout this competition is that you ahh a rockah, you always sing rock, and you nevah compromise. And now you’ve come out here with this very… put on country song, and I hahv to say, I’m a bit disappointed with the ahct. It was olmost appohling, really.”

Yay! House M.D. is back tonight! If only I didn’t have to wait through American Idol. Actually, we’ll probably watch it tomorrow. God bless the DVR.

Oh, I’d just like to thank the Earsore for all the traffic her skanky prom dress has gotten me over at mm today. And no thanks to Vote For the Worst. I thought their voting for the worst was comical, but now they’re backing the Earsore, and really, do we want her to stick around so she can make me want to pour acid in my ears every time I hear her? So boo on you VFTW peeps. Yer killing me.

IDOLS 01… Lisa is singing “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if she and Kellie had a big throw-down over who got to sing Kelly Clarkson. Ok, um… this was pretty bad. I like Lisa, I like her voice, she has terrible stage presence. But tonight she worked so hard on the stage presence (no doubt because everyone keeps calling her forgettable and saying she has lousy stage presence) that she completely botched the vocals. Really, she was offkey a lot, screechy a lot, and that hair flip thing was way over the top.

[WITHHELD FOREVER AND EVER AMEN]... Earsore Pickler is singing “Suds in the Bucket” by Sara Evans. That’s a cutesy song to listen to in the car, but it’s not even a showoff song for Sara Evans, and that chick has pipes galore. First of all, Kellie’s very different in her pre-game interview. She is wearing less makeup, for one (she looks better, too), and she’s less buoyant. Did I spell that right? Anyway, it’s like she’s lost some of her thunder. Maybe she started reading all the stuff people write about her idiot act and decided to tone it down? If so, thank you. Or maybe she just got ahold of some bad calamaray. Anyway, my ears hurt after that, no shocker. Her low range is awful. Mine is too, but if I’m picking a song to show off with, I don’t pick a song that goes so deep into my shaky area, or I raise the key to something more comfy for me. Anyway, tonight she was even flatter personality-wise than she normally is vocal-wise, which is kinda boring for us snarkers. Touche, Dimwit, touche. UPDATE: I just went back and rewatched this, because the MRI last week showed that I don’t have tumors in my ears, and I was hoping to grow some so I can be a more interesting patient for the doc. It’s really worse the second time around. Not just the vocals (a given), but also the stage presence and the end talk with the judges (she only winked once or twice, and she hardly made any hand gestures). It’s like she finally got deflated after that ballsy comment and realized the gig is up, and she wants out of the competition ASAP so meanies like me will stop saying ugly things about her.

IDOLS 03… Ace is singing “Drops of Jupiter”, which is a good song choice for him. At the first hair flip, the performance is already way too gay. This was blah and bland and vocally hideous. He has absolutely no energy tonight. Moving on.

IDOLS 04… Look at Taylor! He got a haircut! And he’s wearing something weird, like with a leather jacket and shiny shoes and everything. He’s singing Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble”. He’s totally not dancing like a freak, which is letting him show off just how great that “whiskey tenor” voice is. Not the most exciting and flashy song, but for some reason this is one of my favorite Taylor performances ever. Hey look, there’s George Huff. I liked him. Anyway, this wasn’t the most exciting, but I would pop this one in the CD player, hop into my hammock, and listen to it over and over while alternately yelling at the golfers driving across my lawn and closing my pretty little eyes.

IDOLS 05… Mandisa is singing “Shackles” by Mary Mary. I love it, she’s Jesus talking even in her song, and she’s singing about freedom in Christ. This is what I love about this girl. She can pick anything she wants, and here she is going with contemporary gospel so she can use her showcase to loosely “witness” (as the kids like to call it these days). The vocals were a tad shaky, but Mandisa pulled it all together and mostly rocked. Frank and I enjoyed ourselves. Simon and Randy didn’t like it (Simon thought it was indulgent??). I felt bad for Mandisa when Paula said there were millions of people joining the church of Mandisa. I said to Frank, “Oh, she’s NOT going to like that comment,” and she was shaking her head and very uncomfortable. Yeah, so Paula’s never heard that whole idolatry bit in the Bible. But it’s such a small part of the 10 Commandments that I’m sure a lot of people miss that part.

Frank just told me the name of the show is American IDOL.

IDOLS 06… Ok, so Ryan and Chris are talking, and giving credit to Live for last week’s version of “I Walk the Line”. Here’s the thing. He probably tried to give credit in his pre-game talk last week, but AI cut it up because it’s TV and that’s what they do. And then all the backlash with people saying that Chris didn’t give credit where credit was due, and if I’m guessing, I’m betting he asked if he could give credit before tonight’s performance. Everyone knows he loves Live, and I don’t think he intentionally left out the credit. Maybe that’s just me.

RYAN SEACREST, YOU MUST STOP GOOGLING “SARAHK” TO SEE WHAT I SAY AND THEN PASS IT OFF AS YOUR OWN. Ryan said he’d love to see Chris sing Celine Dion. Yeah, I already said that. If he starts calling Kellie the Earsore, I’m totally emailing him a tough-love-o-gram. Who am I kidding? Ryan’s all scripted except when Simon’s judging a performance. BTW, Simon appears to be in a mood tonight.

Anyway, Chris is doing “What If” by Creed, which I think is great. Great performance. Simon thinks it’s indulgent and that Chris needs to do something other than rock (after he said last week that he likes that Chris doesn’t compromise – make up your mind). I keep seeing people comment that Chris needs to “branch out”. WHY?? You know what I liked about Bo Bice? He was a rocker. Then he came out with a pop album. Yeah, not in a hurry to buy it. I listened to samples of all the songs, and none of them are the thing I liked about Bo. Why do I want to see Chris do showtunes or “The Power of Love”? He’s a rocker, and I don’t care if he can’t sing pop. He’s not going to put out a pop album, and if he does, I’m not in a hurry to buy.

WHAT IS KATHARINE WEARING????

IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “The Voice Within” by Christina Aguilera. She says she has learned by doing AI that you can’t trust anyone but yourself (trouble in roomy-land?). Katharine, you cannot trust your stylist, so I’m hearing you. If anyone ever tells you that’s a good thing to wear, just pimp slap them, ok? Ok. It was good, she really sounded great (except on the runs, where she was a tad screechy). I’ve never heard the Christina version, and I’m ok with that, because Christina gets screechy sometimes herself. Anyway, she’s got a fabulously controlled voice, and she did bust out a little more tonight (they really do listen to me occasionally, no?), so I’m happy with the performance. Good job. Oh, I criticized the clothes, but the face and hair are awesome. She’s really beautiful tonight. And I do like that she’s got back. Girls with back gotta support other girls with back. And she doesn’t look pregnant tonight. Good on her.

IDOLS 08… Bucky is doing “Real Good Man” by Tim McGraw. He’s dressed all up like Tim McGraw, too, even wearing the black hat so far down over the eyes that there’s a shadow where his peepers should be. I actually thought it was Bucky’s best in a while, and he actually sang like he wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was singing. I think with as bad as Lisa and Ace were tonight, Bucky will probably stick around.

IDOLS 09… Paris is doing “Work It Out” by Beyonce. She looks much better this week, that freaky 40s hair is gone, thank goodness. She’s doing all the Destiny’s Child dances that she learned when she was 14. Flinging the Beyonce hair, actually trying to do the whole Beyonce look tonight. She finally showed off her voice, at least. That part was great.

However.

The freaky hair dancing and stomping was way much. I was afraid she was gonna jump out the HD and slap me with that freaky straw hair. Stop the madness, Paris, stop the madness.

IDOLS 10… This is brave. Elliott is doing “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin Degraw, which Bo Bice did last year, and did well. So he’s gonna have to come up with something fresh. I hate to say this, because Elliott danced so goofy and dressed like he just stepped out of the gutter, but I liked the arrangement, and I really enjoyed the performance (with my eyes closed, because the squats were going to set me off on a giggle fit, and if my abs already hurt, I won’t likely go to Curves tomorrow). He sang mostly great, with a smattering of eh.

In order by tonight’s vocal (* ones got either my vote or Frank’s vote, ** ones got both so we called twice):
Taylor**
Chris**
Katharine* (me)
Mandisa** (we actually voted for her 3 times, because we like her)
Elliott* (me)
Bucky* (me)
Paris* (Frank)
Lisa
Ace
Kellie

Word of the night: Freaky. Let’s all say it together.

UPDATE:  Forgot to predict. The bottom 3 will be Ace, Lisa, Paris. Lisa goes home.

they’re having a debate over whether to rename a street. why not do something useful like try to figure out how to attract young engineers to come here?

this story interests me somewhat. i want our house value to keep going up and up, but the way our local “newspaper” puts it, supposedly teachers, nurses, and firefighters are being priced out of the housing market here.
ok, someone making $29K a year, yes, you can’t afford a house here. you can’t afford a house in many places in the U.S. but those at the top end, making the $82.5K? yep, mortgages are affordable, especially at these rates. the article says that people in this range can’t afford a $231K mortgage (average house price). that’s not true for the upper end of the range. you might not be able to have cable and internet, but you can afford a house if you really try and don’t need to eat much.
but you know what? when i was looking for apartments here, there were lots of nice complexes that i couldn’t live in. nice ones. because if you made over $23K, you were not eligible, because they have lots of welfare issues in Brevard county (they have lots of other stupid things too, like impact fees that you have to pay if you build on land that you already own, because hey, you’re impacting the environment on your own land, and we’ve got a lot of hippies here who totally fall for that). so i know there are affordable, nice renting places, too, though you might have to take a pay cut in order to be eligible to live there (how stupid does that sound?), which won’t help save money for that house.

anyway, the CEO of Harris (which I think is the largest employer in Brevard – it’s either them or NASA), according to the article, has said that he can’t keep doing business in Brevard if he can’t attract young engineers because houses are too expensive.

call me crazy, but kids fresh out of college don’t buy houses when they first move here anyway. except my husband, but he’s responsible and weird.

all that said, we couldn’t afford our house at its current market value, and we couldn’t afford most houses in lots of neighborhoods here. so it’s good we already own the house.

btw, i just love it when “newspaper” reporters try to use professional-sounding words such as “median” and don’t understand the difference between median, mode, and mean. or maybe i’m just a nerd.

so hopefully none of our parks will be torched. of course, arson is suspected in the Wickham Park fire (hey, check out the bottom of that story – someone named her dog after wine – poor dog). i’m not sure about the one that was on US-1 the other day (the one we saw up close). it was burning in the woods very close to a trailer park.

i’ve been feeling really good the last several days. hooray!

where Keifer Sutherland plays… Jack Bauer? Michael Douglas is also in it.

has apparently been on fire most of the day. that’s not too far from us. i think we could use some rain.

crossposted from IMAO:

Great. There’s the graphic violence warning. That just means someone else we like is gonna die.

Previously on 24, Tony’s supposedly “dead” (yeah, right, where was the fan-fare). DHS is taking over CTU, President Estro is totally doing martial law based on the Veep’s “advice”. Half-Neckid Man-Girl gave up Audrey as her contact. Booty Call told Jack about Man-Girl. Wayne Palmer was attacked by terrorists on his way to see Aaron with vital information.

Ok, so the new ep starts, and Bill Buchanan tells Audrey that he has to detain her. “But why? Does Jack want to talk about our relationship in private? I’ve been wanting to do that, but he’s always brushing me off because of “National Security.” Pshhht. As if!”

Bill tells Audrey that she gave info to terrorists, and she says that’s not true, and did Jack sanction this? Oh yeah, he did, and he’s totally going to strangle your pinkytoe later!

Jack is talking to Man-Girl (who doesn’t have a man’s body, just to clarify, she just has a manly jawline. Not my fault.). He tells her he’s totally gonna make her sorry if she’s lying.

Buchanan is arguing with Mr. F, saying that he’s known Audrey for years (18 months, to be exact), and they can’t do aggressive interrogation on her. Jack walks in to Mr. F (after his super-fast magic-carpet ride to CTU) and tells her they need to let him interrogate Audrey. NO! LET SARAHK DO IT! Jack threatens Mr. F and tells her that if she’s wrong and interrogates Audrey the wrong way, her daddy, the SecDef, is totally gonna kick Mr. F’s pinkytoe. Mr. F is like, “but what if she’s guilty?” and Jack is like, “You’re a retard! Maybe we should figure it out first! Is your name Kellie Pickler?”

Terrorists are doing something, but really, do we pay attention before they actually do something? They’re heading toward a target with lots of canisters. Whatever, this is about STRANGLING AUDREY!

Chloe tells Jack that Audrey and Walt Cummings were totally DOING IT! They stayed in the same room at the same hotel and whoa. That makes her an adultering fornicator, and yay! I have reason to hate her! Woohoo! And Jack has totally forgotten that he was doing it with Diane, and Chloe is like, “Sweeeeet! I got to tell Jack that Audrey’s a whore!”

Sherry shows up and wants to talk to Chloe. She’s there to replace Edgar. I know this girl, what was she on before. Chloe and the new girl are gonna have chamomile tea later, I feel it in my bones. New girl and that Mr. M from DHS are eyeing each other like they’ve DONE IT before.

Jack goes in and questions Audrey. Audrey’s like, “But we used to DO IT, Jack, you totally know I couldn’t be bad!” And Jack’s like, “Yeah, but I’ve DONE IT with lots of girls, you the least of them.” Jack asks if Audrey knows Walt or Robocop. She says she’s met Walt a couple of times, and Jack’s like, where? And Audrey’s like, “Oh just office parties, no biggie,” and Jack’s like, “YOU WHORE! YOU SHARED A ROOM WITH HIM LAST YEAR!” And she’s like, “Oh yeah. But you know, it was only because you died, and he’d just separated from his wife, and I totally broke up with him.” And Jack says, “Why?” and she says, “Because he wasn’t you.” And SarahK is like, “Gag me with a spoon!” And Audrey’s like, “I only didn’t tell you because he turned out to be a traitor, and no, really, that’s it!” And Jack totally wants to kill her, and he’s holding her up against the wall by the neck, and I’m LOVING IT! And Jack’s like, “This convo is totally over, man,” and Audrey has totally won.

Chloe asks Sherry why Mr. M from DHS is so hostile toward her. And Sherry tells Chloe that a while back, they worked together, and she had to file a SEXual harrassment charge against him because he was a total fiend, and she says, I shouldn’t mess up, and Chloe says, “Uh, yeah.”

Jack says Audrey is done being interrogated because he can’t take it any more, and Bill says that DHS’s Mr. F wants her questioned more. Me? I just want Jack to strangle her once more. Maybe twice more. Jack starts strangling people just for fun, and Audrey’s being taken away, and Jack’s been taken into custody.

Robocop is talking to his buddy asking if Wayne is dead yet. “No, but he will be soon!” Aaron, the greatest SS agent EVER, asks where Wayne is. He decides to go out and look for Palmer, and I’m like, “Why is Wayne alive and David’s dead? Is that justice?”

Jack tells Mr. F that Audrey is innocent. “Why?” “Because I DID IT with her! And Nina Meyers is—anyway, forget about Nina, this is about Audrey, and she’s whiney and stuff, but I totally know she’s not lying.”

Do we really need a sexual harrassment subplot right now? This new girl (whom I really want to call Jamie, because she reminds me of Jamie from the first season) is fighting with Mr. M, and Chloe comes to her rescue and tells Mr. M that if he doesn’t shut up and stop being a pinkytoehead, she’ll file a complaint with Division and show him what protocol is all about. And SarahK’s like, “I love Chloe!”

At a gas company (Wilshire, which is totally the name of the hotel in Pretty Woman—the Regent Beverly Wilshire), the terrorists arrive and shoot people. They want to go to the control room. Ok, just don’t shoot me, I’ll take you there. So they’re gonna put the nerve gas in the gasoline, but that’s ok, because gas prices are so high that everyone in L.A. owns electric french-fry cars now, so no one will die. Aw, how sweet for it to end so cleanly! Frank says it’s a natural gas pipeline, so I’m totally bummed that my joke no longer works. Darnit! I hate it when I’m not funny!

Terrorist tells the gas guy to reduce the pipeline’s PSI by 1/2 in the next half hour (whew! I was worried that it wouldn’t be within the hour!) or he kills people.

Audrey’s about to be tortured. Can I start cheering? Dangit, I hate it when Frank has a headache and I can’t yell.

Wayne tells Aaron to drop his gun, and after he points his gun at the back of Aaron’s head, Aaron says, “Whoa, it’s me. Don’t hurt me.” And they get happy and go terrorist hunting together.

Audrey is being tortured (translation:  talked to harshly, wooo, poor baby). I think they injected something too, but big whoop. I inject myself every evening. It’s not that bad.

Jack goes back to Man-Girl and asks why she’s fingering Audrey in the whole thing. She admits that Robocop told her to blame Audrey for everything. Now, is there really anything wrong with that? Jack forces Man-Girl to tell him where it is, and it’s the natural gas distribution center, though they don’t know why. See, we’re all-electric-type people. We don’t want anyone to be able to distribute anything via natural gas, so we go electric.

Audrey’s all freaked out and sweaty, and whew, get that girl a blow dryer because she looks like a wet chihuahua right now. Ew. They’re kissing. Blech. Cognac shrimp a second time. My esophagus hurts from the throw-up acid.

Jack just said, “I’ll be right back.” Did he learn nothing from the Scream movies? You never say you’ll be right back, because that means you’ll be right dead! Stupid Jack!

New girl figures out that the PSI thing would happen, so they figure out which natural gas plant is under attack. When Bill walks away, new girl tells Chloe that Bill’s hand brushed her shoulder, and that was wrong. New girl’s a whiney liberal. That’s the only way to describe her. Boohoo, he accidentally touched her. Ok, I’m pretty sure she’s the girl who was on Felicity and every time I see that show in reruns I always think it’s Jennifer Garner and then I decide she’s not JG.

On the way back from the bathroom just now, I smacked my ankle on the TV-trays holder. I could cry right now.

Ok, so they’re headed to the gas place. To be honest, I’m more interested in Tony (who’s not actually dead), Chloe and the new psycho-girl, and Audrey, because it was really cool seeing her strangled. My ankle hurts.

Chloe is trying to help Jack pinpoint where in the gas place he needs to attack, and Jack’s yelling because he’s sexually frustrated (wouldn’t you be if you OUAT DID IT with Audrey?). I think my ankle is swelling. Chloe tells Jack to hurry. But we’re only half-way through the season (as of last week), so if they catch Bierko now, what will we do for the next 11 hours?).

Jack tells everyone to turn their silencers off. (??? Am I the only one who finds this silly?) Anyone notice that Curtis is there? I wonder if he’s gonna die. I’ll be mad if he does.

The canisters have been activated by remote by Bierko (i’m so confused. where’s Robocop?), so Jack wants to blow up the gas with C-4 so the gas doesn’t go to the houses and the Centox will be incinerated.

Everything starts blowing up, but Jack just has to chase Bierko. Jack looks at Bierko, and Bierko falls down. There are lots of explosions. And the beep-boop of the end of the air.

My ankle hurts.

Next week:  Audrey asks Curtis if Jack is there, and Curtis is like, “Am I my Jackie’s keeper?”. CTU is being taken over by DHS. Elaine (Martha’s aide) is someone’s source inside the White House (assumably Robocop’s). Note:  They do not show Jack nor Tony on the show next week, which mean’s they’re both alive.

i still hate the dog, no one get me wrong. but Rowdi has learned a crucial bit of information:  Mommy has the cookies. she has lots of cookies. all those cookies can be yours… if… the walk is right.

today Rowdi was almost perfect. the first half of the mid-day walk (because she gets at least 5, the spoiled brat), she walked even with me all the way to the entrance to the golf course.  after the water break, she walked even with me for a while and then walked behind me. if y’all don’t have dogs (and God knows i never ever wanted to be one of the people who starts a statement this way), this is the dog finally saying, “Mom, you’re in charge. I get it. It’s you baby, you’re the boss. I submit.”

and it’s only been 5 weeks. i was ecstatic.

of course, then Frank got home, and she started with the biting (oh yes, that’s what queued the “i hate dogs” post the other day – she likes to bite when Frank leaves and when he gets home). when i grabbed her by the collar, she would turn flips to try to bite me. i stayed calm and finally grabbed her by the skin on either side of her mouth (funny, she can’t whip around and flip around and try the biting when i’ve got hold of her jowls—good to know!). oh, she just hated that. yeah? well, i hate the biting. and even more, i hate Bikermommy knowing that my pit bull tries to bite me when she gets excited. never hard enough to break skin, but nevertheless, Bikermommy is quite sure that Rowdi’s gonna rip out my esophagus while i sleep and then kill the cats just for funsies. hard to do when she’s in her crate at night (and she will always and forever be in her crate at night and when we’re gone), but anyway, Bikey’s sure of it.

anyway. she’s a bad dog, but we had such a good day that i couldn’t wait to finish walking so i could call Frank and tell him how great it was.

on the Dog Whisperer, which we watch religiously (thanks Serenity and Silly Sarah), (this is from the first season), there is a man whose wife brought home a pit bull. he says (i may be paraphrasing), “I didn’t want another dog, but I married a woman from Texas, so I pretty much do what she says.”

a truer statement has never been spoken. just ask my wonderful hubby.

the evil fake sarahk is at it again, and i CANNOT stop laughing!

the Stars are currently in 2nd place in the Western Conference, and the Crude are currently 7th place. it’s quite the tradition, those two going at it in the playoffs. but it’s good. i loooove hatin’ on Edmonton, so i’m hoping they pair up.  not that i’ll get to see most of the early rounds. hopefully ESPN or ABC will carry some of it. i never thought i’d say that, considering that i want to claw my ears off every time i hear Gary Thorne call a game. or most ESPN/ABC commentators for that matter. learn to pronounce a name, you’re on national TV! and by the way, Ray Bourque wasn’t the only Av to win the Stanley Cup that year, Gary.
oh, and what in the world has happened to the Kings? they and the Stars fought for first place in the Pacific Division for about half the season, and now the Kings have dropped to 4th, and the Mighty Clucks have moved up to 2nd in the division? they were 4th or 5th most of the season. Giguere must be wearing the big pads again.

i miss hockey so much. it’s the only reason i’d ever move back to the Metroplex. that’s right, i wouldn’t move there for family, but i’d move their for Mike Modano and Marty Turco. and Jere Lehtinen. and Brendan Morrow. and so on.

we saw one brush fire about 5 or 6 miles away when we were on our way home. now there’s another about a half mile away… so… how long do we wait before we boogie on out of here? i’ve never had to deal with this kind of natural emergency.

UPDATE:  we’re ok. i took a drive and figured out that my long-range depth perception is way off. the fire is about 4.5 miles away. and judging from the fact that the firefighters were all just kinda hanging out near the fire, i’d say it’s probably controlled.

we’re watching a chick flick. not just a chick flick. a chick flick where there’s a ghost and a guy and Reese Witherspoon. (Just Like Heaven)

Frank says i’m gonna owe him for it, but if i recall correctly, i’ve watched all 4 Alien movies with him, all 3 Blades, and Doom. and this all recently. so um, nope, i’m getting even. 3 or 4 more chickies, and i’ll be sappily even.

i was sifting through my 1400 comments in moderation queue just now, and i found a comment on an AI post from Hank! we sat with Hank and Martha at dinner on our cruise every night and plan to keep them as lifelong friends (i’d love to cruise with them again too!). of course, Martha’s way better at keeping in touch. i’ve gotten emails and even snail mail from her, and in return she’s only gotten emails. i’m a terrible touch-keeper.

but anyway, Heya, Hank and Martha!

doc’s office called, no breaks or fractures in my left foot. so it just hurts.

UPDATE:  doc’s office called again late afternoon, and the MRI of the ear canal is clean (yay! one tumor is plenty, i think.) and the bone scan was good, so no osteoporosis here. i have to tell ya, the osteoporosis one was worrying me a bit, because if i lie flat on my back, i start to ache in my lower back unless i prop my knees.  but maybe that’s everyone and not just me.

so. i’ve got weird freaky foot pain and weird freaky ear pain with no explanations. so yay! nothing’s wrong. and boo! nothing’s wrong.

i keep reading that on growth hormone replacement therapy, sometimes the fluids in your body redistribute, and you get weird pain in your feet or hands because of this. so maybe after a while, it’ll stop bothering me. meanwhile, i have Crocs. now if only they’d make tennis shoes.

she’s sleeping like a cat right now. we had doggie school this morning, and the end of class was soooo exciting for her, because Abby started barking and then Rowdi barked back, and then any dog that barked anywhere in the store, Rowdi was barking at all of them. not a mean bark, but a “someone come play with me” bark. she was practically singing. after i took her outside to pee, she calmed down and walked nicely with me while i bought peanut butter and jelly treats for practicing the “come” command.

oh, when i was on the way out, i ran into a very rude old codger. maybe it was me, but i just don’t think training my dog when i’ve walked out of a training class at PetSmart is something someone else should be ugly about. in fact, the trainer suggests that we always have the dogs sit before we go into the store, and before we leave the store.

so we’re about to walk out, and i tell Rowdi to sit. which she wouldn’t, so i stepped in front of her and stood over her and told her to sit. well, there was this man coming in with his Boxer, and he has no control over the dog. i ignore him and his dog and tell Rowdi to sit. the man yelled at me! “go on, get out of there!” like he owns the store and i have no right to be inside the door with my dog. and i was standing off to the side of the door, so there was plenty of room for him to walk his dog through the center of the huge slider or the other side of the door. ??? i just left with Rowdi walking very nicely by my side and chalked it up to that man needing Jesus.

we’ve got a new CafePress store so i can have more mad shopping money and eat more Indian food. we have a few products in there now (including my idea:  Stupid/Stuck on Stupid couples sets—i’ll be getting the Stuck on Stupid shirt, while Frank will get the Stupid shirt, obviously). we’ll have more this weekend, including some Carry the One merchandise. anyway, go check it out!

i’m getting a ton of hits for “Kellie Pickler prom dress” today.

so here you go. someone has it. (warning, it’s very indecent.) (h/t red)

btw, if you missed me yesterday over at IMAO (this is for the 5 of you who don’t read IMAO), i defended my stance on Kellie Pickler.

Matthew Winkler, a preacher in the Church of Christ, was murdered, shot to death and found in his locked bedroom. his wife is a suspect and was found with her daughters in another state. another state.
whoa whoa whoa. i just read the FoxNews website article. first of all, judging by the elder that was interviewed on FNC just now and like, my whole life… um, not charismatic (another way of saying “holy roller”). i know i’m getting all technical, but i think you’re mixing up Church of Christ with Church of God or Church of God in Christ; i understand how you could make that mistake, but yeah, not charismatic. Maybe they’re talking about his personality or something.

Late Thursday, authorities said they considered his wife, 32-year-old Mary Winkler, a suspect. She and the three girls — Breanna, 1; Mary Alice, 6; and Patricia, 8 — were found unharmed by police in Orange Beach, Ala., around 7:30 p.m., after an Amber Alert was issued for the children. She had last been seen Tuesday picking them up from school, authorities said.

oh my goodness, he was a youth minister previously in McMinnville, Tennessee. i wonder if Rachelle’s husband knows him, he grew up there, and they’re about the same age.i’m sure i know someone who knows the family. very small world, the Church of Christ.

he and his wife met at Freed.

the FNC article says his father’s a minister and his grandfather was. i wonder if his grandfather was Wendell Winkler. he was a very well respected preacher and author and was a director of Brown Trail PTS.

this is so sad.

UPDATE: she’s confessed. this is so horrible. my heart is hurting for those little girls and the rest of the family and for the Fourth Street congregation in Selmer. they’re charging her with first degree murder, which means premeditation. those poor children.
everyone wants to know why. even i, who normally get really annoyed with these stories becoming national news, want to know why. i have a theory, but speculation is worse than gossip and is how rumors get started, so i’ll shut up now.

Dear Self,

It hurts when laundry baskets whack you on the back of the head, so maybe don’t leave them on the back of the couch while you check your email.

Also, never ever try to feed half a brisket down the garbage disposal. Even running hot water, you will lose the battle and not have use of your sink for about a day while the Drano works its magic.

Love,

Self

I think LOST was on last night. Anyway, it was on sometime this week. And I think it’s a new episode, though I’m not sure and don’t really care. Tonight my husband asked me if I wanted to watch LOST from last night. My response, which previously would have been, “Yes, of course! Let’s watch it now, now, now!” was actually fairly negative and definitely toned down. “Eh. It’s on so seldom that I’m starting to not care. We can watch it if you want to.”

Husband agreed. We watched South Park (one-time thing – just had to see how they made fun of Isaac Hayes’s departure) and Kathy Griffin (The D-List) instead. Over LOST. Doesn’t that tell you there’s something wrong here? (No offense to Kathy, we totally love you and want to meet you so you can tell embarrassing stories about us.)
We’re losing interest. The show is on about once every four weeks. If we’re lucky. Who knows what you’re preempting it with, because we’re not watching whatever it is. So by this point, we both decided it’s just not one of our must-sees anymore. I mean, we’ll get around to watching it sometime soon, but since we’ll have another month or so before the next one, we have plenty of time.

And don’t even get me started on ALIAS. Haven’t had a new one since what? December? Early January? I know you intentionally killed it this season, but could you maybe think about wrapping it up already? I think there are new episodes starting what, mid-April? Just sell the DVDs instead, would ya?
Y’all are monkeys, and we’re losing interest. The ratings for Dancing with the Also-Rans must be great, because wow. Monkeys. The only ABC shows we watch are LOST and ALIAS, and we’re fading on those. (Ok, fine, I watch General Hospital, but I’m a housewife, so I think I’m required to watch at least one soap.) Anyway, you should take a hint from the success of 24 and American Idol. Run everything straight through with no interruptions, half a season. It keeps everyone involved and interested, and no one forgets your show is even on.

some rhymey commercial just now reminded me of this. our preacher will talk about “Mr. Green Jeans” every now and then in a reference to an earlier time (before i was born, i’m guessing). i always turn around and mouth “who?” to his wife, and she always responds with, “i have no idea,” and just shakes her head. their 4 kids bow their heads in embarrassment. it’s fun for me.

but anyway, who is that?

it’s raining! it’s pouring! the old man is snoring!

i’m so excited to see rain! (at the same time, this will be the first time i witness the dog’s reaction to thunder, so wish me luck.)

Give me a big fat break, you phony inbred backwoods imbecile. Now she’s not even trying to fake it properly. What kind of complete retard hears someone call her an adjective and says, “What’s a ballsy?” What a Mr. F.

I’d like to apologize to all the retards out there; you should never be brought down to the same level of such a halfwit.

And how about America actually sending home one of the two people who should have been gone weeks ago? Hooray for that. Goodbye Scrappy Doo, I wish you many years of not being on my television. Now everyone pray for Kellie, because it’s going to get worse, as the Vote For the Worst people are going to be supporting her now. I thought it was comical until Kevin got sent home… Oh, and wow. Lisa knew absolutely that she was going home. Then she was safe, and Bucky knew absolutely that he was going home. Kevin was the only one who didn’t know he was going home.

Hi, nice to see y’all. I’m in a mood. If y’all would like to join the pity party, there’s a cover charge. Amount to be determined later.
Hellen Buttigieg is my hero. Hellen Buttigieg and Horatio Caine.

You know what’s fun? Watching the dog do something she shouldn’t and then having someone else tell you that she didn’t do what you just saw her do.

I guess I’ll go put away the dishes and reload the dishwasher.

one of the most annoying commercials ever is this local commercial that’s advertising a 14-day super sale at the scratch & dent appliance store in Rockledge. i almost considered browsing for a stainless steel fridge (at 75% off, you know), but i can’t get over how awful this commercial is. there’s a brunette jumping around in a bright plaid dress, and she’s yelling and screaming about this wonderful sale. the worst part is when she jumps around yelling “14 days” and holding up 9 fingers. i’m not kidding, 9 fingers, 14 days.

yesterday when i was at the imaging lab waiting to be called for my battery of tests, the TV in the waiting area was tuned in to CNN. i was reading some family magazine that was giving me tips on fun stuff to do with my kids (great reading selection, i’ll tell ya).

so CNN had a story on about a smudge on top of Mount Ararat possibly being Noah’s Ark. didn’t everyone do this story like 20 years ago? and 10 years ago? anyway, that’s when the sighs and grunts started. this man sitting in front of me (late 50s?) started sighing or grunting at every pause in the story. i knew he had something to say.

yep, he did. finally, he started preaching to other 4 of us in there. talking to the air, really, because no one was listening. first he talked about the number of species we have today that weren’t on the Ark (did i miss the detailed list in the Bible?). a few minutes later, when still no one was listening, he went on for about thirty seconds about the amount of rain it would have taken to cover the whole earth in 40 days, and i mean, he was mad; it was like CNN ran over his puppy and then laughed about. he got no response.

the whole time, before he was even talking, when he was just sighing, i wanted to stand up, walk around to face him, and say, “OK, we get it. you don’t believe in the story of the flood. but really, you’re not converting anyone, you’re just making yourself look like a giant pinkytoe.”

but i didn’t want to be rude.