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[05 Dec 2007|03:53pm] |
"I have to act just as strong as I can just to preserve a place where I can be who I am."
"I don’t want to be responsible for your fractured heart and its wounded beat."
You were no picnic
You were no prize
But you had just enough pathos to keep me hypnotized.
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[05 Dec 2007|03:52pm] |
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"The inability to receive love is almost as destructive as the inability to give it."
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| A Texas Rancher.... |
[05 Dec 2007|03:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
A Texas rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is yer Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
Well said the rancher, "is yer Mom here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that" he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but, I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
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| Ring-A-Ding-Ding |
[19 Nov 2007|01:07pm] |
I added ring tones to my new cell phone. They have all been assigned to various people….
For David it will play Oh Boy, Mike gets the Man In Black, Emily has a little Birdhouse In Her Soul, Perry gets his Drink On, Anne and Lisa are joined by Me & Bobby McGee, Christin is making her opinions clear with Don’t Cha, various others are dancing around a Ring Of Fire, and That’ll Be The Day when I’ll be Shipping Up To Boston for random calls.
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| Linoleum |
[13 Nov 2007|10:51am] |
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| Time To Live Simply |
[01 Nov 2007|03:36pm] |
|
" 'Normal' is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car, and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it."
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[09 Oct 2007|09:02am] |
“Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.
There are too many ordinary things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.”
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[09 Oct 2007|08:59am] |
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“Anger or bitterness toward those who have hurt you will block your path to higher ground. You can have anger towards people or you can have freedom from people, but you can’t have both.”
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| SNAKE Dream |
[05 Oct 2007|10:19am] |
Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. The snake may also be seen as phallic and thus symbolize dangerous and forbidden sexuality. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.
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| Feeling Stoopid? |
[04 Oct 2007|04:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID READ THIS:
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as
Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas
````````````````````````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
And ..
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP
```````````````````
"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
< FONT face=Verdana color=#427d64 size=4>
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
````````````````````````````````` < FONT face=Verdana size=2>
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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| Boffins |
[25 Sep 2007|12:07pm] |
|
In the slang of the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, boffins are scientists, engineers, and other people who are stereotypically seen as engaged in technical or scientific research. The word conjures up a stereotype of mature men in thick spectacles and white lab coats, obsessively working with complicated apparatus. Alongside eccentric genius, portrayals of boffins usually highlight a naive ineptitude in social interaction.
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| On the increase of deer and moose accidents…. |
[19 Sep 2007|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
Local wildlife biologist Ed Kantz, of Bloomingdale, agreed that animals tend to act out in the fall, making them less predictable and a greater danger.
“Whitetails and moose both go through fall ruts,” Kantz said. “Of course, like any sex-craved man, woman or hooved ungulate, they demonstrate a remarkable lack of sanity as long as romance holds them in its grip.”
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| LAUGHTER CURES EVERYTHING |
[11 Sep 2007|03:19pm] |
Cats make everything taste better.
Stable relationships are for horses.
Your body would look good in my trunk.
I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
My dog is smarter than your honor student.
I feel better after I wine a little.
Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.
Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
I love animals. They're delicious.
Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.
Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!
Excess is never too much in moderation.
My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.
Life is short. So buy the shoes!
Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way.
Dyslexics are teople poo.
Jesus is coming. Look busy!
Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly.)
If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.
So many cats, so few recipes.
Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
I plan to live forever. So far, so good!
Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
On your mark, get set, go away!
What would Scooby do?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Sorry I missed church. I've been busy practicing witchcraft.
Let's skip the insults and get right down to butt kicking!
I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard
abs.
I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management
potential.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the King.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
What we need is a patch for stupidity!
Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!
Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.
I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at
the stake.
Rehab is for quitters.
My dog can lick anyone!
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
She's out of estrogen and has a gun!
You - Off my planet.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell
off!
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
I have the body of a god. Buddha.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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| Bus Ridin Rant |
[07 Sep 2007|04:15pm] |
1. When the bus is packed do not take up two seats unless your ass is the size of two seats.
2. Your bag does not count as part of your ass. If someone needs the seat, put the damn bag in your lap!
3. If you’re sitting in front and an elderly or handicapped person gets on, give up your seat and stand.
4. Do not under any circumstances play with your genitals, urinate, or defecate on the bus.
5. Do not talk to someone when they are clearly trying to read a book.
6. Do not play your radio. Not everyone wants to hear music about smoking crack in da hood.
7. Do not stand directly in front of doors. People use these lovely things to get on and off the bus.
8. When someone needs to get off the bus, get the heck outta their way.
9. Please take a shower before getting on the bus. No one needs to smell that.
10. If you are going to fall asleep, do not lean on the person next to you unless they’ve seen you naked.
11. Do not ride the bus naked just so you can cozy up to the person sitting next to you.
12. If the bus says “Express” it is not a local. Do not get on unless you want to miss your usual stop.
13. Do not ask the bus driver to drop you off on the highway.
14. Do not argue with the Express driver when he is dropping people off. He will not pick you up for any reason.
15. When there are plenty of open seats, do not sit next to a stranger. They most likely don’t want you to.
16. If you eat/drink something, pick up after yourself. No one wants to sit surrounded by your garbage.
17. Do not write graffiti. You are not an artist, not creative, and super duper pathetic.
18. Do not use a Nextel walkie-talkie. No one cares about your babies daddy.
19. Unless you are blind, your pooch does not belong on the bus.
20. Please pay attention to your atrocious loud obnoxious spoiled brats and take responsibility for their actions.
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| Free Kittens |
[04 Sep 2007|10:24am] |
Anyone want a kitten? Or two or three?!?!
My friend found a litter of three that could use a good home.
One male black and white and two female calicos!!!!
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| Bush has been America’s cancer |
[27 Aug 2007|04:16pm] |
|
“Our president set in motion the trampling of our constitutional rights, well before the events of Sept. 11; ignored the warnings before Sept. 11; lied and manipulated facts prior to the invasion of Iraq; brought forth illegalities against his own people in the form of domestic surveillance, including punishable crimes such as warrantless wiretapping; supported torture and other violations of the Geneva Conventions; ignored the will of the people, and finally committed blatant cronyism by commuting the sentence of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. So George W. Bush does not need a colonoscopy to find cancer in the White House – only a mirror.”
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| Masochism: |
[20 Aug 2007|04:11pm] |
1. the tendency to invite and enjoy misery of any kind, especially in order to be pitied by others or perhaps admired for forbearance
2. the active seeking out of sexual partners who will dominate, humiliate, and physically and verbally abuse
3. the psychological disorder in which somebody needs to be emotionally or physically abused in order to be sexually satisfied
4. sexual gratification achieved by humiliation and the acceptance of physical and verbal abuse
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[13 Aug 2007|12:03pm] |
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Life Is About the Unexpected Journeys We Take.
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[07 Aug 2007|10:35am] |
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Silly rabid rabbit running rampant!!!!
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[30 Jul 2007|04:13pm] |
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Rummaging around in the brain tickles, sending a spasm of sensations. Like Jell-O being inhaled through the wrong tube. Creative indifference amounts to very little intelligence and a whole lot of imagination. Oodles of noodles surround lakes full of spiders in attractive stances while belly flopping tortoises rehearse the tango. Insanity clouds our reasoning long enough to get absorbed in the presence of a clown who has lost his ability to laugh at himself. Curiosity creates a death toll in the millions. Kittens hang by tree limbs while dogs lick their chops. Feeling alone in a box full of mice. Bring water to boil so the corn has company. Confuse yourself while telling a joke to a blind Spanish speaking Opera singer who has heard it before. Send love letters to the elderly who are serving life sentences in an attempt to die tragically. Replace the milk with bleach and see who laughs last. Be brave, color outside the lines.
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